I don't know how you survive it.
I don't know how you survive it.
Very sorry for the continued heartache and losses. I've been thinking about Sherry a lot still, and was talking to DH about her last night. Drake passed away some time in the year after I lost Esme, and I remember feeling just terrible for her. It was so hard to deal with all of the agony and the what-ifs already, and feeling guilty and wondering if we could have done anything differently, woken up a bit sooner, anything. It would have been just awful having outsiders compounding that tragedy by heaping accusations and trying to pin legitimacy on the horrible guilt that any mother feels when something goes wrong, let alone something that irrevocable and terrible. I missed her when she stopped posting on APA, and I think she did not have an easy time.
Dana, as someone who has lost a child, if you want to send something to your friend, I think it is touching to send a brief note saying something very simple and sweet and don't try to go into anything extra. Just say something like, "I am so sorry to hear about the loss of your daughter" (put her name). Let her know that you are thinking about her and if you want to offer, say that you are available to talk or ask her if there is anything you can do. I don't get upset or hold grudges easily, and usually assume the best of intentions, but I still remember that my boss never said one word of condolence when I was out on leave despite so many cards and calls and emails from co-workers and even the boss of my boss, who doesn't even know me. I still resent that a little bit. And people said some rude and funky things, unintentionally usually, but they could be hurtful. It's best to keep it short and sweet. If you look at the Stupid Comments Vent thread in Pregnancy and Infant Loss, you'll see some amazing things.
My house buying has hit another snag. It's so full of ups and downs, it's driving me crazy. Anyway, we agreed on a contract with the house that we're buying, but the selling of the house that has to happen first has been delayed. Ugh.
I had parent-teacher conferences for the twins on Monday. I left feeling so happy. Their teacher knows them so well, and seems to genuinely like them. She wants to make DD a playground ambassador, because she has a unique talent for finding children who are feeling sad or alone or not participating, and encouraging them to join in. There are two kids from each class who are assigned this task and DD is one of them. It makes her feel important and utilizes one of her special skills. She really is good at this. We once went to a free class at a Gymboree and DD helped round up all the kids in the room and got them to participate in the games by making them sound super-fun, and she would lead the smaller babies over by the hand gently. She loves this stuff. The teacher said she does get a little impatient and needs to be more careful when she writes, but she reads well above her grade level and can read books on her own.
She told me that DS needs to work more on keeping his hands to himself and sitting still during 'circle time' (although it's not really circle time). She says that often she will just let him go back to his desk and color, since she can tell he's paying attention and it helps him to have something to do. She said that he has an extraordinary ability with math and science and is very good at communicating how he does his work, both to her and to other students. She said that he explained the concept of shadows to someone else the other day and he did as well as any teacher would. She checked with me to see if any of this came as a surprise, and I told her no, and the things that they needed improvement on were more pronounced at home than at school. I'm just so glad she's their teacher. DS spent two years at preschool and his teacher for the last year, in a class of 8 kids, gave him a story about a puppy. DS thanked her politely but asked us later why she gave it to him. It showed all of us that she really didn't know him at all.
This teacher, in less than 8 weeks and a class of 25, knows DS better than that one did in 2 years.
I really love this school.
Ack, I meant to add more, but don't want to edit. I am getting so little sleep and I'm still sick and it's driving me crazy and making me short-tempered.
Last night DS woke me up to tell me he didn't know where he was but he wasn't concerned about it.
Then at 4:30 AM DD woke up and didn't say much of anything, except she came into the room for a moment and then stomped through the rest of the house, turning on lights, getting arts and crafts supplies out, waking up Toddler S., and waking up everyone else before going back to bed. S. never went back to sleep, so I was up from 4:30 on. I couldn't help but be annoyed at her. She has been doing one project after another, but this is ridiculous, and her excuse was, "I wanted to do a project, and I forget we had a baby in the house."
GRRRR. I have not been in a great mood today.
Wow, that must have been frustrating that she was up so early making noise. Josh does that too, bounds into the room talking full volume, climbing on the bed, etc. BUt of course we don't have a baby to disrupt, so it's just sort of a minor irritation when we want to sleep a bit later LOL
It's wonderful that your teacher knows the kids so well. It sounds like she is bringing out the best of their personalities.
Last edited by daylilies; 10-25-2012 at 08:40 PM.
L, that school story rocks! I love that too, that she knows them so well and utilizes their strengths, drawing out of them what comes naturally. That is a true teacher in every sense of the word. Yay.
I have thought of you and Esme more than once when i think of Sherry and of her losing Drake and what she must have gone through. I say that with a hug as I would if we were standing in an room together because I don't know that any words would suffice exactly what I'm feeling when I think of you and Esme. But I know that a hug would.
Oddly enough my whole house was awake last night at about the same time. It struck me because first Kai came into my room and he is quiet as a mouse. He just tugs on my toe and asks if he can climb up. A few minutes later though, Savana came in and I run a fan in her room to begin with because she is right off the living room where dbf can't get the tv on fast enough once I tuck the kids in. So there is no way she heard Kai tiptoe into my room. And then Sawyer was up in minutes. I always wonder what kind of energy is running through the house to wake us all up like that.
Savana is seriously high on homeschooling right now. lol. she is so eager to learn that I can barely keep up with up her. All day today she is saying to me things like, "Why did humans evolve and not other animals? Why do humans hold guns to hunt cheetah skins instead of cheetahs holding guns and hunting our skins? How did it happen that humans started keeping dogs and cats as pets?" She even said to me that she knows dogs and cats over millions of years became smaller to adapt to the environment of living inside a house which is much smaller than a forest. Her mind really truly amazes me.
So I need to give her the tools to gather the information she is looking for. Any ideas? I'm having a hard time finding literature that can break it down for a 7 year old. And really it's not as simple as humans evolving from from apes but that we all evolved from similar ancestors. Correct?
Bridget, here is a picture that shows which twig the humans are on the tree of life:
And yes, we all evolve from similar ancestors. The whole site is very good for teaching evolution, and it shows that it's a constant process of adding new information that we learn.
L. The kid's school sounds great.
I don't know how y'all wake up that early. I'm so glad Rich is a natural early riser and just let me sleep in. That was something we didn't really discuss...it just worked out that anything that happened after 9:00 p.m. but before 3:00 a.m. was my deal. Anything after 3:00 a.m. till 9:00 a.m. (unless one of us had to work, of course) was Rich's deal. We both got our natural preferred sleep in that way.
Oh shoot-I was gonna say I read all the posts, but I'm exhausted from the Glen Campbell concert I took my dad to tonight. It was truly awesome. If anyone even remotely liked his music, you really should go see him perform. He's 76 years old and has Alzheimer's, but you wouldn't know it to hear him sing or hear him play his guitar. He's a wonderfully talented man and you can't really appreciate how much just watching youtube videos.
There is an interesting article here about the rapid domestication of foxes, and how to draw conclusions about domestication in general.
Both would agree that the animals most likely to be domesticated were those predisposed to human contact. Some mutation, or collection of mutations, in their DNA caused them to be less afraid of humans, and thus willing to live closer to them. Perhaps they fed off human refuse or benefited from inadvertent shelter from predators. At some point humans saw some benefit in return from these animal neighbors and began helping that process along, actively selecting for the most amenable ones and breeding them. "At the beginning of the domestication process, only natural selection was at work," as Trut puts it. "Down the road, this natural selection was replaced with artificial selection."
Where Andersson differs is in what happened next. If Belyaev and Trut are correct, the self-selection and then human selection of less fearful animals carried with it other components of the domestication phenotype, such as curly tails and smaller bodies. In Andersson's view, that theory understates the role humans played in selecting those other traits. Sure, curiosity and lack of fear may have started the process, but once animals were under human control, they were also protected from wild predators. Random mutations for physical traits that might quickly have been weeded out in the wild, like white spots on a dark coat, were allowed to persist. Then they flourished, in part because, well, people liked them. "It wasn't that the animals behaved differently," as Andersson says, "it's just that they were cute."
Thanks for that info, Lydia!
We are off to the museum at alst to check out Leonardo's ideas. And for me to pick up my wallet!
L, thank you for responding. I, too, have been thinking about you and Esme these last few days.
D-Mama (37) D-Dada (43) and D-Baby (11/02/2011)
Chrissy, so glad you had a good time with your dad at the concert. My folks were big Glen Campbell fans. We had a lot of his records, my favorite song was his most famous song, Rhinestone Cowboy.
Shelley-mom to DS, 5
Just a quick glance and looks like some good options there. You could probably get at least some from the library.
I would probably start with this one http://www.amazon.com/Evolution-Eyew...ords=evolution
Looks like a good series and just glanced through the human body one and that looks good too. They say ages 8 and up but I think that your kids are a bit advanced in their thinking skills!
I'm not sure I know much glen campbell.
My parents liked the Beatles, Pink Floyd, Led Zepplin, Michael Jackson, Mamas and Papas, Beach Boys, Elton John, Rod Stewart....just to name a few.
And Kate you would like this one....my dad even really got into NKTB. He stood in line all night in wet 40 degree weather to get us tickets to the concert....I got sent to sleep in the warmer dry car since I was only 11 (he had the car within sight). I also believe that dad has a full set of the trading cards. LOL
But the Beatles are his ultimate. Current music....dad LOVES Lady Gaga and says he is a little monster....an almost 60 yr old little monster. LOL Also really likes Evanescence and has a picture of himself with the lead singer.
Anyone in the path of "Frankenstorm"? Our governor has already declared a state of emergency, and it's not even due here until Sunday night.
We're in the list of possible areas. Since we were just flooded last year really bad, a lot of my neighbors are really worried.
They're saying it's worse conditions than the Perfect Storm in 1991 (you may remember the movie?) That was 100-some million in damage. This one they believe will hit 1 billion because it's the same conditions, but predicted to be more in-land and hitting much more populated areas than the Perfect Storm did.
Dana, I'm sorry about your friend. I have a feeling she'd appreciate a brief sympathy reach-out at this point.
L... Firstly, I'm sorry about the house process. Is the selling of your dad's ranch written into the contingencies? Secondly, *double-hugs* to you for any pain that has bubbled up about Esme from the recent sad events surrounding Sherry. It must be so hard to be confronted with painful reminders when you least expect them. I'm in awe of how you've lived thru her loss and so much other stuff and come out without bitterness or cynicism.
If Sherry's husband was the d-bag he sounds like, then I especially hope her littler ones are being cared for by someone they can trust. Hopefully, they can turn to the older sibling(s) for support at this point.
If it's any consolation to those going without sleep, I've been deprived of it since 4 am. Bodhi & I are out of town together without DH, and he's using me as a body pillow.
Oh, and some of you already know this, but I was offered a new job contract at a biotech firm this week, starting a week from Monday, at a pretty good pay bump. I had 7 yrs exp @ Pfizer working on disease
management apps, which def came in handy during my 4.5 (grrr) hour interview. It'll be nice to work on some patient-centric products again (although, my projects will include drug clin trial software too), rather than just financial applications. It's way more satisfying. Plus, I get to work on both Salesforce and mobile (phone/tablet) platforms, which will be new experience that other companies are always looking for on resumes. Oh, and my commute is a piece o' cake. I'll be driving instead of taking the train this time. Feeling optimistic about the upcoming changes.
Kate, have you gotten any good advice to pass on from the Spirited Child book? I'm book back-logged, especially after a book I had on hold came available at the library, while at the same time, my sister handed me a signed copy of "The Magic of Reality" by Richard Dawkins as a present. Then yesterday, at a crafts market, I couldn't resist picking up a signed copy of a book that came out by this awesome blogger I used to follow. So I really want to pick up that book, Kate, but please do share highlights, if you don't mind.
Suja, stay safe from Frunkenshtorm!! (How can we type umlauts in our posts here? ;))
Whoops, forgot to add to my book tally that a used copy of The Happiness Project by Gretchen Rubin also came in the mail last week. I'd purchased it when I was still in MA earlier this month and feeling pessimistic and too attached to my present job. I figured I needed the shot of optimism; maybe its physical presence in the house was all I needed. So anyway, I just wanted to accurately portray my book backlog. ;) That is all.
Did you see this just came out last month? http://www.amazon.com/Happier-Home-E...s+home+project
It's funny because so often I see books mentioned on here that we have in our library....the non-fiction ones at least. I look through all our new stuff coming in and think, oh that looks good, that looks good, that looks good. But than end up using all my reading time on fiction from the public library instead (where I'm a naughty librarian and tend to run an overdue fine!) Just a donation, right? LOL
Myles, there have been some interesting revelations in the spirited child book. Right now it's talking about introverts vs. extroverts and how intros need quiet and alone time to recharge and extros need to be around people and draw energy from them. Being an introvert, you'd think I'd understand that but I've always had kind of a hard time with Josh not wanting to talk about his day. I've learned that sometimes it can take all day for him to open up about things that happened. Usually around bedtime he will tell me a thing or two. Bedtime was when he told him about the girl who was being mean to him.
I've learned to let him do his own thing pretty much as much as he wants. I figure he's at school doing what everyone wants him to do all day. There can't be a lot of harm in letting him watch tv or play on the xbox for 45 minutes when he gets home. It's hard when there are things I need done like raking leaves, and he doesn't want to come outside with me. Sometimes it's a struggle to get him to come outside and a struggle to get him to come back in! I'm looking forward to getting to the part about transitioning...timers don't work, warnings don't work, an incentive doesn't work...arg. But now that I'm not working I try to get all the "must do" things done during the day.
Do you think Bodhi is more an introvert or extrovert? How does he recharge, is he always talking himself through things, or does he seem to think a lot and then do, etc.
I wanted to edit to say that Josh mostly shows extrovert behaviors but I think his need to recharge from within is one of the few introvert traits he has.
Last edited by daylilies; 10-27-2012 at 10:57 AM.
Hi. I've come to realize that I really don't have friends IRL. I don't know where else to go with this so here I am. My 15 year old son came out to me the other night. I've always had a clue but never tried pressing him to tell me. I'm sad for him (is that bad??). He told a few of his friends and they're all ok with it and most already had an idea that he was. They told him that he should tell me so he has. I am going nuts. What do I do?? I haven't brought it up since then and don't know how to approach it. If I should approach it at all. I'm so nervous that something will happen with his friends. You know how it is at that age. You are no longer friends with the same people from one year to the next or you have a falling out. I remember whenever that happened that's when all the secrets came out. I think my son has a lot to lose if his "secret" comes out and wish he hadn't told anyone. Is that bad??
I can only think of one person I can talk to IRL and I don't want too in case he changes his mind. What is wrong with me?? He's not making choices. It is what it is. I don't know how to handle this. I love my son and I don't want this for him. How bad is that?? I support him though and won't try to somehow change the way he feels. I would not do that. Ever. My first thought was well I can deal with this. At least he doesn't act all girly or dress like a woman. Like that makes this easier. But what if he did?? I just feel guilty for all the feelings I'm feeling.
He doesn't want his dad to know and I'm ok with that. I told him when he's ready he can tell him. Even if that's a week from now or two years from now. His dad is very homophobic and will not accept it at all right off the bat. I honestly don't know if he ever will, but I want to believe he will. He is the type of person to find someone to blame for everything that happens. And somehow this will be my fault.
My son has been doing poorly in school this year and this is a big reason why. He was worried about telling me. He says he is happy now and can focus on school. I feel bad for getting so mad at him for doing such a bad job in school. Why didn't I see that he was going through this??
I don't know if I will keep this up or not, but I needed to get this out. Now that I have I want to cry. What happens next??