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Thread: Secular Confessions

  1. #36391

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    I am the same, Chrissy. Most of the people I know irl don't parent the way I do at all. Although most of them seem to have something to say about my ways, I can't bring myself to have that conversation. I have all I can handle managing my own family to try and manage someone elses.

  2. #36392

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    Quote Originally Posted by Suja View Post
    What I do with Mira is to tell her we are not buying anything for her ahead of time (several times), but allow her to hold things or play with things while we are in the store, with the understanding that she can only have them while we are in the the store. And I do buy her small things as a surprise if she is well behaved, every once in a while. Variable reward reinforcement.
    That would never work because when I surprise him with something he then has the ammo to say "Well you got me something that one time..." It's always "that one time" that he remembers forever. Getting to carry something around the store would never work either. But I'm jealous that those types of things do work on some kids. LOL

    Erin, I remember now that we did that little plastic thing too when he got circed and I had no idea how to deal with it either. I remember those days, thinking I was doing everything wrong. Now we fly by the seat of our pants!

  3. #36393

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    Catching up.

    I love orange kitties - did you all know that most orange tabbies are male? It's a cat genetics thing. Your new dude looks super sweet, Chrissy, I hope you enjoy him!

    At one time we had five cats (not completely intentional). It was too many. We have three now, and a big house, and that is just fine. One of our cats is very old, and when she dies, we will not "replace" her with another cat, because I think two is the right number of cats for us. But we might get a dog at that point. We are pet people, lol.

    Jennifer, I'm very sorry about your engine. I was hoping for your sake that it was just a bad gasket or drain plug or something.

    Re: circumcision...I'm very glad I had a girl. Because I do feel pretty strongly about leaving any potential sons intact, but DH's family is Jewish and even though he isn't religious, when we talked about it, I could tell it was very hard for him to imagine not circ'ing. Plus, my MIL would have flipped her lid. Not that it's any of her business, but, you know...Anyway. VERY glad I had a girl.
    D-Mama (37) D-Dada (43) and D-Baby (11/02/2011)


  4. #36394
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    I'm kind of disgusted right now. The shooting at the spa was a domestic one...woman that worked there was trying to leave the guy, begged the courts for help and had a restraining order placed on Thursday. Court agreed and had him hand over his weapons. So Saturday he goes to buy a new gun and is successful. Sunday he goes into a fancy day spa salon, kills three women including the estranged wife (her daughter was also there). Four other women are shot but expected to recover.
    WTF....how is it that someone with a history of violence and a now a current restraining order can still buy a gun. With computers and databases, that kind of info should be available instantly to gun sellers.
    A WI lawmaker tried to pass a bill in 2010 that failed....requiring those with restraining orders to give up weapons within 48 hours or be arrested. How could someone be against a bill like that?


    Yeah I don't get the circ debates either. I didn't even know it was a huge debate until apa. I just thought that it was just something that some families and cultures did and some didn't. And really I do think that this one thing that if there is a dad involved, he should get a much stronger say. He's got the part and knows what it is like. So if he's not circd and is cool with that, I would probably go along with it. If he's circd and cool with that....or has some anger about it (also never heard of that until here), ok I would go with that. I have a preference but could be easily swayed.
    I just hate it when men try to make decisions regarding female bodies and so it goes the other way too. Now if there isn't a man involved, just got to go with whatever you think is best with what you know at the time.

    Speaking of babies with no man involved.....sounds like my sister is going to try to get pg in the spring! Going to spend the time until than trying to lose a bit of weight again and save the money up. Going to be doing a donor IUI. Would be pretty perfect if I got my baby sometime next year and she gives birth in 2014. Than I could give her anything the baby has grown out of and save them some money.

    Jennifer, 35, DH 36

  5. #36395

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    Jennifer, remember my friend that was killed by her boyfriend a few years back and also their 2 year old baby girl? Her sister has been a warrior for domestic violence awareness since then since no one in her family had any clue that she was in a situation like that. She recently got something called the Tra-ja Act put into effect in Wisconsin that makes a 3rd time domestic abuse charge a felony. She is talking a lot about this most recent act a lot of fb. It is pretty disgusting that these things seem like they can really be avoided if lawmakers would just open their eyes to the logical part of the scenario and stop focusing on the politics behind the issue.

    That would be so beyond perfect if you and your sis could have children close in age.

  6. #36396

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    That is interesting-now that I think about it, all the orange cats I've known were male. Just like calicos can only be female.

    I agree with what you said about domestic abuse Bridget. I'm glad your friend's sister is working to make better laws.

    Jennifer, that would be great if you and your sister had kids close in age!

  7. #36397
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    Oh yeah I do remember that horrific murder. that is great about that law though.
    this one...people knew about him. He had a history that the police and courts were aware of and STILL was able to buy a gun.

    Yeah I'm kind of excited about that. We are five years apart and had I gotten pg 6 years ago, kids weren't even something she was even thinking about or wasn't sure if she wanted....just wanted me to have them and for her to be auntie.
    Just wish we lived closer but we go down a few times a year and they come up 1-2 times a year. Plus we have talked about in the future doing some vacations with our families together.

    Jennifer, 35, DH 36

  8. #36398

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    Jennifer, it sounds like the gun purchase was from a private party, so all the laws in the world may not have been able to stop that. Very sad.
    D-Mama (37) D-Dada (43) and D-Baby (11/02/2011)


  9. #36399

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    Crap - should say "all of the background check laws in the world..."
    D-Mama (37) D-Dada (43) and D-Baby (11/02/2011)


  10. #36400
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    I'll be odd-man out and not immediately say that it's definitely a great thing that 3 domestic incidents equate a felony. There are far too many manipulative, dishonest women (and men) out there. There better be irrefutable PROOF in all 3 cases (not just her word) before he's charged with a felony. Much like the sex offender registry is now, women (and men) would use that as a weapon to hurt someone. It happens all the time. Especially with reports of sexual abuse. I have no doubt it would happen over domestic violence as well...heck, I know women that do that.

    One could argue that a guy should know better than to repeatedly mess with a women that would make false claims like that against him...but then one could also say that women should learn the red flags and not get involved with men that show any signs of being controlling. The one guy that was hitting on me hard the other weekend kept telling me to smile. Even if I were interested, he'd never stand a chance just based on that. He didn't like how I looked (not smiling) when he was trying to get in my pants. Just imagine how he's gonna treat a woman after he's had her and the new wears off. It starts with simple, little things like that and escalates over time.

    Mama to Bobbie 20 ~ Jesi 18 ~ Syd 14 ~ Conner 6
    I'm gonna be a Gramama! Jesi is due 11/22/13


  11. #36401
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    Quote Originally Posted by missychrissy View Post
    I'll be odd-man out and not immediately say that it's definitely a great thing that 3 domestic incidents equate a felony. There are far too many manipulative, dishonest women (and men) out there. There better be irrefutable PROOF in all 3 cases (not just her word) before he's charged with a felony. Much like the sex offender registry is now, women (and men) would use that as a weapon to hurt someone. It happens all the time. Especially with reports of sexual abuse. I have no doubt it would happen over domestic violence as well...heck, I know women that do that.

    One could argue that a guy should know better than to repeatedly mess with a women that would make false claims like that against him...but then one could also say that women should learn the red flags and not get involved with men that show any signs of being controlling. The one guy that was hitting on me hard the other weekend kept telling me to smile. Even if I were interested, he'd never stand a chance just based on that. He didn't like how I looked (not smiling) when he was trying to get in my pants. Just imagine how he's gonna treat a woman after he's had her and the new wears off. It starts with simple, little things like that and escalates over time.
    This is sadly true. So often, it is her word against his.

    Still, it is very sad that someone with a criminal history was able to buy a gun the day after turning in the ones he did have.
    Me (39) DH (46) & furbabies * m/c 7/08 4/12 11/12

  12. #36402
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    Quote Originally Posted by Gwenn View Post
    This is sadly true. So often, it is her word against his.

    Still, it is very sad that someone with a criminal history was able to buy a gun the day after turning in the ones he did have.
    Yeah, but like was pointed out earlier, it appears he bought it from a private party. I'm not sure what 'we' (as a society) can do about that. As soon as anyone breaths anything about tighter gun control, the right strokes out. They're very unreasonable about this.

    I'm not saying guns shouldn't be allowed, but perhaps private sellers should also have to do some sort of check? And if they don't and the weapon is later used in a crime they can be held accountable? It would sorta be like serving someone alcohol at your house. If they leave and you allow them to drive, you can be held liable if they cause an accident.

    I dunno what the answer is but I do know we need to do something. Our current system doesn't work.



    On a side note, I actually just cried because I want my old job back. Even with the boss that cast aspersions at me every day for months on end. I'm sure it's a case of looking back with rose tinted glasses, but at that point as angry as I got at least I didn't go home and cry from being overwhelmed with work. What I wouldn't have given today to just go back there, shut the door, and ignore the phone for a few hours. *sigh*

    Mama to Bobbie 20 ~ Jesi 18 ~ Syd 14 ~ Conner 6
    I'm gonna be a Gramama! Jesi is due 11/22/13


  13. #36403
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    I didn't even realize that it was legal to sell guns privately! I thought it had to be through a dealer where checks where done.

    Well in the spa shooting, this man had a history and police were familiar with him. He had already had an incident where he slashed the tires of her car at work. And I believe I read that others had heard him threatening her.

    Chrissy big hugs. I do think that you are probably looking back with rose glasses though.....that old job gave you a lot of trouble and stress. It probably had it's pros too. Pretty much any job will have it's pros and cons.

    Jennifer, 35, DH 36

  14. #36404
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    Quote Originally Posted by Cosmosmom View Post
    Chrissy big hugs. I do think that you are probably looking back with rose glasses though.....that old job gave you a lot of trouble and stress. It probably had it's pros too. Pretty much any job will have it's pros and cons.
    Based on what you have posted in here when you were in that job, I agree. I'd rather be stressed from my workload than surrounded by negativity any day.
    Me (39) DH (46) & furbabies * m/c 7/08 4/12 11/12

  15. #36405
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    Quote Originally Posted by Cosmosmom View Post
    Well in the spa shooting, this man had a history and police were familiar with him. He had already had an incident where he slashed the tires of her car at work. And I believe I read that others had heard him threatening her.

    Chrissy big hugs. I do think that you are probably looking back with rose glasses though.....that old job gave you a lot of trouble and stress. It probably had it's pros too. Pretty much any job will have it's pros and cons.
    Oh, I'm sure in this case there was no doubt about his guilt and that more could have been done to protect his ex. My earlier statements were just about other domestic abuse allegations in general, not this particular one.


    And I agree that every job has its pros/cons, but in my last one I was at least 3 years in before I started thinking maybe I should be looking elsewhere...and how much of that was because of overwhelming stress at home leaving me with little coping mechanisms? I'm only 8 months in and I'm utterly and completely burned out simply from the work load alone. It's that bad.

    Mama to Bobbie 20 ~ Jesi 18 ~ Syd 14 ~ Conner 6
    I'm gonna be a Gramama! Jesi is due 11/22/13


  16. #36406
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    Is there anyone you van talk to about it, Chrissy?

  17. #36407
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    I'm going to try, again, to talk to the boss. She often says I'm free to 'push back' whenever I'm overwhelmed...but the trouble is the orders always come down as 'emergencies' that have to be dealt with right now. Either it's a critical machine malfunction (almost always with an imminent deadline), or it's a VP requesting something absurd but because of his/her title, they get what they want. There's no 'pushing back' in those scenarios.

    Now that I think about it, I'm a little miffed that it came out in my evaluation that I often 'allow myself' to get overwhelmed. No, I don't thank you. I know how to manage my time. We're supposed to have rules about people walking back requesting assistance and they're really not supposed to call unless it's a real emergency...but no one is stopping them. Why have a policy if it's not enforced?

    Mama to Bobbie 20 ~ Jesi 18 ~ Syd 14 ~ Conner 6
    I'm gonna be a Gramama! Jesi is due 11/22/13


  18. #36408

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    I hope you can talk to someone who will take the stress off at least a bit. I hate to see you second guessing your decision to leave your old job because I know that was a huge, brave step for you. I feel like it was sort of the beginning of a lot of huge steps towards change in your life. You can't underestimate the amount of strain all those changes have to have on you, Chrissy. I'm pretty sure that moving, changing jobs, and leaving your spouse are all 3 in top 5 most stressful things a person can go through. Are you taking your vitamins, woman? I always ask that of all my friends who are overwhelmed with stress. I think figuring out what vitamins I needed saved me during the time after dbf cheated on me.

    I got a call from a police woman in the town where I left my wallet today! I knew it would be fine. She said she also works at the gas station in town so I'm going to roll through and pick it up on my way back to take Kai to his beloved Leonardo DaVinci exhibit which he asks me about every single day. Do you know I have lost my purse/wallet at least half a dozen times in my life and all except for one time it came back to me with every last cent still inside? Dbf was freaking out and I was like, "Just give it a few days. It'll be back." It was making him a little insane that I wasn't worried about it.

  19. #36409
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    No, I do not take vitamins. You know recently there's been some debate about how much of the 'good' stuff actually get absorbed into your body, right? I know I know!! I probably should take something...I think for the moving/leaving Rich part I'm good. Both are huge reliefs for me. I do like my job and I love my coworkers. It's really the workload. They seriously need to hire an additional person but I don't know if that's really a possibility.

    Woo hoo on the wallet! I marvel that you've lost your wallet so many times. I don't think I've ever lost mine. I remember I 'lost' it by misplacing it once and was very frantic. That was back in our poor days and I had our fuel money (cash of course) in it. I shed lots of tears. I think I might have to side with your dbf on this one, as much as it pains me to say that, and I would have been a little freaked about your calmness as well lol That's just not normal! Even when I don't have money, I have my license and other things in there that I would dread losing.

    I did cry a bit last night from the intense workload and as soon as I woke up I felt a bit of dread about coming in here today. By the end of the day yesterday, I was physically jumping and cringing every time the phone rang (which was every 15-20 minutes at least). I really, really do not want a job like this.

    Mama to Bobbie 20 ~ Jesi 18 ~ Syd 14 ~ Conner 6
    I'm gonna be a Gramama! Jesi is due 11/22/13


  20. #36410

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    Chrissy I hate that feeling of an overwhelming workload. When I started my first loan processing job, the office was so busy and had been short staffed so long that when I was hired I felt like I was thrown in the middle of the ocean without knowing how to swim. It was exhausting. I lasted 2 years, then I couldn't take it anymore.

    It's very frustrating that they expect you to suck it up and that it was included in your eval. Do you talk to your co-workers about it?

    Bridget, yay that you got your wallet back. I hate when I lose stuff. I lost G's new sunglasses just 2 days after I bought them. From now on, it's only $ store glasses for that boy. I am just annoyed because they looked so cute on him lol.

    Dana, your little pumpkin is so adorable!!!
    Shelley-mom to DS, 6

  21. #36411
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    We've been having some nice little chats. Believe me, it's not just me that's barely treading water here. We're all in up to our eyeballs in stuff. None of us are lazy, so that makes it at least somewhat bearable.

    I also meant to add Bridget-what a reflection of human nature that you have lost your wallet so many times but it's nearly always found its way back to you. It makes me feel good about 'us' as a society.

    Mama to Bobbie 20 ~ Jesi 18 ~ Syd 14 ~ Conner 6
    I'm gonna be a Gramama! Jesi is due 11/22/13


  22. #36412

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    Chrissy, I'm sorry you hate your job so much I do agree that the changes you've been through are in the top of the most stressful things a person can go through and I hope you're taking care of yourself!

    Bridget, that is awesome that your wallet has come back to you so many times. I've lost mine a couple times. I can't remember if I've gotten it back every time but there was one time when a police officer brought it back to my apartment. I can't remember if she had found it or someone turned it in to her.

  23. #36413

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    Raspberry - Thanks! I think she's one of the cutest things on two legs! (I can never remember your name - are you another Kate?)

    Bridget - I used to leave my purse all over the place...more than a dozen times in my adult life. Every time it has come back to me and never had anything stolen from it. However, I have had several houses/apartments robbed. I think it's all just luck, but IMO, most people are honest and will return lost stuff.

    Chrissy - I have worked in environments like that, where everyone was chronically overworked because of poor management or unenforced policies. It sucks. But your old job was awful. Your boss SPIED ON YOU. Unacceptable. If you want to move on, move on. But move forward, not backward.
    D-Mama (37) D-Dada (43) and D-Baby (11/02/2011)


  24. #36414
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    OMG, Dana.....she is very cute!

    This room I think has some of the more adorable kids.

    Jennifer, 35, DH 36

  25. #36415

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    I agree if you are going to move on to move on and not back Chrissy. Your workload sounds extreme. My own workload is pretty extreme, but I have been VERY proactive in taking on thing at a time. I ignore the phone now if I am busy and I let people know to email me. I also let them know what I am working on and how long I will be working on it. My boss has a lot of "emergencies" that aren't really emergencies either, just because she is the boss. I frequently have to "fix" her computer. There is a running joke at our IT department that all her issues are "user issues" meaning she doesn't know how to use the computer, which is true lol. But really, don't be afraid to say no if you are overwhelmed. If someone comes up to you and you are working on something else, give them a reasonable time of when you will respond. Most of the time, I give people at least 24 hours. I am a "go to" person at my position. I am actively looking for other work at this time, even though on the whole I enjoy my job. I hope they aren't threatening you like they do me about the things that I actually do focus on.

    Speaking of work, my auditors are here today. I was threatened that if we didn't get an "A" I would be subject to termination. They didn't say it in those words but that was what they meant. Our auditors don't really have a set of guidelines they follow. They seem to make up what they are checking and will cite things that they say aren't findings as a finding and deduct points from whatever point system they use. Even so, I am pretty confident I will get an A, but I don't like the threatening attitude from my boss and our corporate team. They know how our auditors are and it just irks me that they think that something I did or didn't do will have any say in how we will be scored. We follow HUD guidelines but our local housing authority seems to make up their own rules and we have even found instances where they gave us advice about our files that contradict HUD. But even so, I think we will do well on the audit. I also found out that they are finally going to hire another Admin so that I can focus on my 3 other jobs only instead of being the Office Manager and Exec Admin Asst for my boss too, the latter of which takes up half of my time because she is always having some sort of issue! Even though I don't like sticking my nose in binders, I will be happy to do so if she stops asking me to do weird things out of blue with not guidance on who to contact or how to do something. She is lucky that I am a person who will find out how to do something immediately. I am worried the new lady will not be like this and will instead come to me and that I will still be doing my boss' administrative tasks. I have already let the new lady know that I expect her to be able to do everything within 3 months and not use me as much for a reference. She looked at me funny. Work Erin is kind of a harda$$ now a days and I refuse to let myself continue to be stressed from overwork, especially if we are paying someone else to do my other 2 jobs.

    Erin

  26. #36416
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    We MUST answer the phone. It's so extreme, we have a cell phone that the helpdesk line is fowarded to if someone doesn't answer in 3 rings. Not answering is grounds to be disciplined. And I can't say 'no' to the bosslady. I mean, I can...but it won't work.

    Did you guys see that Sherry Mendez-Manzi passed away last Friday? "Old timers" will remember her as Michael, Drake's mom (Drake was one of the first babies to pass away on APA). I'm devastated. I've been crying for an hour straight.

    Mama to Bobbie 20 ~ Jesi 18 ~ Syd 14 ~ Conner 6
    I'm gonna be a Gramama! Jesi is due 11/22/13


  27. #36417
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    You do right about work, Erin! I used to be that way, too, when I worked in an office. It used to take people off guard because they always thought I was nice and quiet, but I tended to be hard nosed about things at work! And I agree, Chrissy; don't look back! Hopefully, things will start looking up for you at work. I can remember feeling worked to death when I was at the office and I hated that.

    Dana, your daughter is a cute little pumpkin! I posted a pic of Travis with his halloween costume on today; he wore it to school because they are out all next week. He's a skeleton.

    I'm sitting here in my warm pj's; the kids at school splashed me at the pool today (we take them swimming one afternoon a week) and my feet are still freezing. I'm hoping that Rich will bring home some fish and chips for tea since both the kids will have been fed at afterschool/daycare.

  28. #36418
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    Quote Originally Posted by missychrissy View Post
    We MUST answer the phone. It's so extreme, we have a cell phone that the helpdesk line is fowarded to if someone doesn't answer in 3 rings. Not answering is grounds to be disciplined. And I can't say 'no' to the bosslady. I mean, I can...but it won't work.

    Did you guys see that Sherry Mendez-Manzi passed away last Friday? "Old timers" will remember her as Michael, Drake's mom (Drake was one of the first babies to pass away on APA). I'm devastated. I've been crying for an hour straight.
    No way! What happened? I remember when her little boy passed away; it was awful! She had other children, didn't she?

  29. #36419
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    Quote Originally Posted by AmeriBrit View Post
    No way! What happened? I remember when her little boy passed away; it was awful! She had other children, didn't she?
    3 daughters; 2 slightly older than my Bobbie and Jesi, and then Ciera who would be 5 (I think?) now. Sherry was one of the first moms I bonded with. We were slightly older than the rest of the gang and had older daughters. We had experience. I've actually talked to her on the phone a number of times. Just not recently

    Mama to Bobbie 20 ~ Jesi 18 ~ Syd 14 ~ Conner 6
    I'm gonna be a Gramama! Jesi is due 11/22/13


  30. #36420
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    Quote Originally Posted by missychrissy View Post
    Did you guys see that Sherry Mendez-Manzi passed away last Friday? "Old timers" will remember her as Michael, Drake's mom (Drake was one of the first babies to pass away on APA). I'm devastated. I've been crying for an hour straight.
    Sorry for jumping in on this thread, but I just heard about Sherry on FB and have been looking for info. I am so sad. Sherry was in our DD room in 07 and we all mourned the loss of Drake with her. I was not friends with her on FB, but am still just so sad. She had some rough times. Her poor girls.
    Growing fast... DD1 (6) & DD2 (4)
    Forever loved, forever missed... Twin Girls with us for 19w3d 6/12/06

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