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Thread: Secular Confessions

  1. #36211
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    Quote Originally Posted by Cosmosmom View Post
    Of course you don't! We all you aren't a mean evil person trying to ruin her life and crush her spirit. It's obvious to us all you want is for the kids to be happy and make it ok in the world.
    Someday she will realize how much harder she made things for herself and that you were right and she was wrong.
    I was just saying, I was tempted to pull everything now, but then she wouldn't have a way to work...so, that would be mean.

    Mama to Bobbie 20 ~ Jesi 18 ~ Syd 14 ~ Conner 6
    I'm gonna be a Gramama! Jesi is due 11/22/13


  2. #36212
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    Chrissy, I have no words of wisdom, but I hope everything starts turning around for you soon with the girls. (Hugs)

    Today, we took our class to a field trip to a historical museum. It's one where they dress up in period dress and the kids do, too, and you spend the day doing things people of the certain time period would. We have been discussing Henry VIII and the Tudor time, so we were all dressed as people would have been in the 1580's in England. (Very uncomfortable btw!) Some of the things we did was learn how to make candles from fat, how to write with a feather pen, how to make a nose gay (those smelly things people carried around to sniff to forget about the stinch on the streets), and how to march as if we were in the army. I thought I'd have to tell you guys about it because the tour guide told us loads of stuff that people did back then because of religion. For instance, they slept with their backs propped up because they thought if you laid flat out in bed that the devil would think that you were dead and could steal your soul. Also, they swaddled babies very tightly because they thought that a baby who slept with their arms out in a crucifix-like position was a sign of the devil (resulting in 1 in 3 babies dying in their first few months of life from being swaddled so tightly). They didn't allow left-handed writing, so the people who learned to write had to use their right hand no matter what because using the left hand was a sin of the devil. Also, they had to go to church every Sunday no matter what or they were fined a massive amount of money. The tour guide talked about how the people of that time lived their lives in fear of God. It made me feel so very lucky to be alive in the modern world and not back then. But it made me kind of think that there are still people out there that have that same sort of fear of God that they let rule their lives. I feel lucky to live here in England where it is very, very secular. The other day in class, the teacher asked if anyone went to church or was religious in our class and not one of the 32 students raised their hand. If that was back in America where I'm from, I'm sure nearly every single one of those kids would have raised their hand.

    Some other interesting facts I learned today. You had a 50% chance of dying before you were 10 in that time period. The phrase "that cost me an arm and a leg" comes from the Tudor time when the rich people could afford to have paintings of their whole body done whereas anyone else would just have their face or chest up done. The phrase "sleep tight" comes from that time as well because people slept on mattresses that were supported with ropes, so they liked the ropes tight to get a good night's sleep.

    There were other things that I learned from today, but those are the ones I can remember right now. But I had to share the religious stuff with you guys because I thought it was so interesting.

  3. #36213

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    Sorry to hear that Bobbie left abruptly. I think she's a typical teenager not realizing how much her parents went through and sacrificed for her. Unfortunately it's the kind of thing some people don't usually realize until they have one of their own. They just kind of take it for granted because that's what parents are supposed to do.
    My leaving home didn't go so well either but it was mostly because I didn't want a mushy goodbye, so I turned it into a fight. I was leaving to go live with DH and I still clearly remember packing up and having a fight with my mom.
    Does she still enjoy working at the pet store?

  4. #36214

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    Do you know where she went? I can't remember if it was she or Jesi who wanted to go live in the woods with her friends.

    I'm sorry she chose to leave like that. It's very disrespectful. And I didn't say earlier, but I am so sad and distressed for you that you have friends who would turn you away when you want to talk. I'm glad you at least have us here so you won't feel quite so isolated.

    "Any idiot can face a crisis; it is this day-to-day living that wears you out." -Anton Chekhov


  5. #36215

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    Ash - That sounds like an awesome field trip!
    D-Mama (37) D-Dada (43) and D-Baby (11/02/2011)


  6. #36216

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    Ash- did you really have to put on the big heavy long dresses? Sometimes in the summer here I think about how terrible it must have been to live back in the 1800's with no conveniences, no a/c or washing machines and having to do all your chores wearing a long sleeved dress that went all the way down to your ankles. There must have been truly very little physical comfort back then.

    "Any idiot can face a crisis; it is this day-to-day living that wears you out." -Anton Chekhov


  7. #36217

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    That does sound great Ash!!

    It is good they take the kids to such educational places. I am not a big fan of field trips, but when they are meaningful they are a great learning opportunity.

    My favorite was going to see the cadavers for my high school anatomy class. I thought it was the best. I was really into science back then and anatomy was my favorite class.

    Ky recently had a similar field trip, they didn't get to dress up unfortunately though as he would have LOVED that lol! They went to the Atlanta History Center and got to pretend to be soldiers during the Civil War. They just did a section on the civil war, here in GA they are really into the civil war to the point where it gets kind of nerve wrecking to me, but I understand I guess since this state was so torn up and affected by it. Ky enjoyed the trip more than any other since he studied geology in 3rd grade and got to go to a quarry and dig for rocks lol. He usually is never interested in history so it was surprising to me, his enthusiasm about this trip and tomorrow at his parent/teacher conference I'm going to let his teachers know what a great job they did on the Civil War section this year. He was really into it. He probably really would have been into that trip Ash. So sad about the mortality rates of the general population and children in general. Like I said before, most of the things I read about English history were the Industrial Age and the Victorian period. I do remember reading of the horrible statistics for child mortality then, so I can imagine it was worse in prior centuries. And the whole religious things is just crazy, especially the sleeping on flat backs lol.

    Erin

  8. #36218
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    I'm only responding to one or two sentences at a time on here. I've been using up all of my phone minutes and talking on the phone with bluetooth to realtor/dad/dh while trying to do chores . Still trying to negotiate on the house. I think today might be the do-or-die day.

    I built a rope bed by myself, once, when I was in a historical re-creation society that focused on the middle ages. It was comfortable, but the ropes did have to be tightened a lot and it did tend to sag in the middle. And it had this unfortunate tendency to creak really loudly at times.

    Mylah, I remember some really fantastic bioluminescent tides in Mexico when I was little. We would run around in the water by the moonlight and laugh delightedly as our footsteps would kick up dazzling light shows just for us. It was fantastic. Every once in a while someone would come by who owned a boat, and we would go out on the water and watch the wake light up the whole bay behind us, and we could see little fish shapes glow under the water and trail our fingers in and make sparkling splashes. It happened several times during my childhood, sometimes more awesome and intense than others, and whether or not Bodhi was excited this time, I have to say just you sharing this experience brought back swarms of really incredible memories for me. If it happens again, maybe when Bodhi's a little older, he'll be more interested. Sometimes it's hard to let go of something you really want your kid to enjoy or get into and let them do their own thing.


  9. #36219
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    Quote Originally Posted by girlwonder View Post
    Ash- did you really have to put on the big heavy long dresses? Sometimes in the summer here I think about how terrible it must have been to live back in the 1800's with no conveniences, no a/c or washing machines and having to do all your chores wearing a long sleeved dress that went all the way down to your ankles. There must have been truly very little physical comfort back then.
    Yes, we wore the heavy dresses and vests and the caps on our heads as well! But it was freeeeezing today so I was OK for the extra warmth, but they were scratchy and heavy! I don't think it's ever been hot in England. LOL. I think the warmest it got here this year was in March when it was 70 degrees for a week. That was our summer this year. I am now longing for a trip to Spain for some sun!

  10. #36220

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    Chrissy, I'm sorry it went down that way with Bobbie. I think you should let her go and stumble on her own for awhile. Tell her you love her, tell her you won't stand for her taking advantage of you any longer or treating you like you're the inconvenience she seems to make you out to be, and leave the door open for her to come back and live with you IF she's willing to improve her attitude and live by your rules.

    Ash, that field trip sounds fun to me. You learned such interesting tidbits. How cool! I'm curious like katy to know if you wore the heavy long dresses too. I was reading James Michener's "Hawaii" awhile back and one of the things that struck me was how the missionary wives who settled on the islands still walked around in heavy wool dresses. It must have been torture for the women. And it probably made them more resentful to see the "heathens" running around half naked.

    ETA: We posted at the same time, so I see you did wear the dresses. Glad it was weather appropriate - he he.
    Last edited by demigraf; 10-17-2012 at 01:45 PM.

  11. #36221
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    Ash, your field trip sounds like so much fun! I love history and would have enjoyed that immensely!

    Quote Originally Posted by daylilies View Post
    Sorry to hear that Bobbie left abruptly. I think she's a typical teenager not realizing how much her parents went through and sacrificed for her. Unfortunately it's the kind of thing some people don't usually realize until they have one of their own. They just kind of take it for granted because that's what parents are supposed to do.
    My leaving home didn't go so well either but it was mostly because I didn't want a mushy goodbye, so I turned it into a fight. I was leaving to go live with DH and I still clearly remember packing up and having a fight with my mom.
    Does she still enjoy working at the pet store?
    Yes, she loves it. I think she should seriously consider going to school to be an animal technician. The pay is decent enough that she could survive, and if she's really prone she could carry it on to veterinary training. She's certainly smart enough and has the heart for animals.

    Quote Originally Posted by girlwonder View Post
    Do you know where she went? I can't remember if it was she or Jesi who wanted to go live in the woods with her friends.

    I'm sorry she chose to leave like that. It's very disrespectful. And I didn't say earlier, but I am so sad and distressed for you that you have friends who would turn you away when you want to talk. I'm glad you at least have us here so you won't feel quite so isolated.
    That was Jesi that went to live in the woods.

    Mama to Bobbie 20 ~ Jesi 18 ~ Syd 14 ~ Conner 6
    I'm gonna be a Gramama! Jesi is due 11/22/13


  12. #36222

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    Sorry to go off topic, but boy am I sorry I took my dogs with me to the beach for lunch today. There is no such thing as having a relaxing time when they're both with me. They're so aggressive to other dogs when they're on leash. They've been this way so long, I don't know if I can change them
    at this point. Take them off leash and they're fine; they just want to play. Lulu is fine when she's on her own. She just learned leash aggression from Cayo. It's funny because sometimes she doesn't know what the heck she's barking at. She just joins in. Anyway, my "relaxing" lunch was me telling them to leave it and lie down every 30 seconds. That was not relaxing at all.

  13. #36223
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    Bummer, no not relaxing at all. Do you think taking them more frequently would help? I really don't have any helpful advice about helping a dog get over aggression.

    Mama to Bobbie 20 ~ Jesi 18 ~ Syd 14 ~ Conner 6
    I'm gonna be a Gramama! Jesi is due 11/22/13


  14. #36224
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    I have a little work vent I have to get off my chest. One of my projects is to get rid of all the XP machines we have left. We're down to 22 now as I've done roughly 1/2 already. There was supposed to be a 'soft' deadline of the end of the year. If something else came up and it took till Jan or Feb, no big deal. This is according to the boss lady.

    One of the directors was hounding about her people that have 'dying' machines (her words) and I saw in the help desk ticket that my boss assured her that they'd all be done by Thanksgiving.

    Excuse me...my 'limit' is supposed to be 5 machines a week. We always have the surprise hardware failure, sudden virus, or a new hire that comes along and they all take priority. It's averaged out to where I can only do 2-3 XP machines a week because of the others.

    The only way I can complete the XP machine project by Thanksgiving is if we have ZERO emergencies and I can do 5 XP machines a week. At 5, I'm busy but at a manageable pace. Barring unforeseen emergencies I can handle this easy. I've done more in 1 week (averaged 8 for a while, and even did 12 a couple times), but then I'm super-duper busy and actually a bit overwhelmed. At 12 I was more than overwhelmed, actually.

    But I digress. I'm upset that she over-promises. It's only going to make me look bad when I can't deliver. And to make matters worse, one of my coworkers said she did that to him and THEN actually put it in his evaluation that he missed the deadline. My evaluation this year will occur before that deadline, but I swear if any crazy stuff like that does appear I'm going to have all I can do to keep myself respectful. I'll go off like a rocket.

    Mama to Bobbie 20 ~ Jesi 18 ~ Syd 14 ~ Conner 6
    I'm gonna be a Gramama! Jesi is due 11/22/13


  15. #36225

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    When is anything ever off topic in here, Myles?!
    L - Another fantastic photo of the twins. They are ridiculously photogenic and you really seem to have a knack for capturing beautiful moments...I guess it all just comes together!
    D-Mama (37) D-Dada (43) and D-Baby (11/02/2011)


  16. #36226

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    Yes love the pumpkin patch pic of R & C!

    Ash that sounds like such a fun trip. I love that kind of thing so much. I look forward to when G is old enough to take along on trips like that. We went to Hampton Court with a 3 year old G and it was not fun at all. Dh and I like to watch Showtime The Tudors.
    It's easy when Henry VIII looks like this
    Attachment 9390

    not this dude
    Attachment 9391
    Shelley-mom to DS, 6

  17. #36227

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    Chrissy, can you talk to your boss today that you're not sure you can hit that deadline? At least if you voice your concerns (verbally or written down, but preferably written down), you can say you sent up flares very early on that you don't think it can get done in the allotted time. You can sound all positive-y while you write it out for her, like: "I'm excited to be working on the XP project. I did notice, though, that in order for me to complete it by Thanksgiving, as you committed, it would require my dedicated attention. I'm concerned about the timelines given that I'm sure I'll be working trouble tickets at the same time. If forced to choose between these two work streams, which of them would you like to prioritize?" Something like that. She's your manager. It's her responsibility to manage her resource's time. Also, keep a record of the actual hours you have to put into anything other than the XP project. You may be put in a position where you'll be asked to explain why it wasn't completed on time.

    I don't know if getting the dogs out to the beach more would calm them down. They'd already been for their walk today and were supposedly calm and had gotten their energy out, but they still were pure chaos at the beach. I was sitting on a towel holding their leashes and they were lunging at dogs 50 ft away, kicking sand in my eyes, walking across my lap, tangling up with each other. They just have very bad habits on leash, and I'm sure we're to blame.

    I'm going to break from habit right now and put out there something that I wish for. (Normally I get all weird about sharing and jinxing things, but that's silly and this is more of a pipe dream than reality anyway...) One of the teams I work with at my current job is kind of dropping hints that they might want to fold me into their group. They're asking me questions about the kind of work I'm looking for, questions about my skillset, saying that it'd be a loss if they couldn't keep me in-house, and one of them - not a boss but influential nonetheless - came out and said he'd recommend me for an outright hire. Obviously, I can't bank on dropped hints and shaky promises; I know better than to count any birdies before they hatch, but that would be a very good outcome if it worked out that way. So I'm going to put my intentions out there into the universe. It could be awkward if my current team feels like I'm being "poached", but I'll cross that bridge if it ever shows up in the distance.
    Last edited by demigraf; 10-17-2012 at 05:11 PM.

  18. #36228
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    Oh Myles, I do hope it works out!

    As for talking to the bosslady, I definitely will email her about it. But I have no hope it'll do any good. She's fond of saying, "You can push back any time you feel like you're overwhelmed" but the very next day she'll promise a bigwig something impossible. Like the training room. I was imaging 8-12 machines a week and she kinda tossed it at me that I'd need to do the 17 training room computers within the next two weeks. Faye actually had to help me with the physical setup. It was impossible for one person to do all that....and yet she'll still say that about letting her know if it's too much. She doesn't listen though. She 'forgets' and signs us up for another crazy-to-meet deadline.

    They honestly should have hired 4 of us instead of 2. I've already been pulled off the tickets for the most part. I was just browsing through today and happened to see the one asking about new computers, so I looked into it because that's 'my' baby.

    Mama to Bobbie 20 ~ Jesi 18 ~ Syd 14 ~ Conner 6
    I'm gonna be a Gramama! Jesi is due 11/22/13


  19. #36229
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    I'm no help, my dogs don't have great leash manners either. cosmo is a bit better now but that is mostly be cause she's 9 yrs old and fat. Usually they aren't aggressive but they do pull sometimes, mostly Molly now. And they like to bark at stuff, especially Molly. Other dogs, people, cars, kids on bikes. Cosmo just likes to hear her own voice and Molly is young and hasn't had that much exposure to stuff. So really mostly my fault. With other dogs, most of the time it's them wanting to go say hi....only a few dogs we have come across that rub them the wrong way.

    Fingers crossed that something works out!

    Chrissy, I like Myles wording for the email. I would totally send it and keep it plus the reply just in case it's ever brought up at review time.

    Jennifer, 35, DH 36

  20. #36230

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    I think if you sent that email to your boss it might help you feel a little more in control of your time. You can only do what you have time to do each day, and if you and she both have it written down what you feel you are able to do by Thanksgiving then you won't feel like you have to do both projects. I don't know if that makes sense, but I always feel better when the scope of my responsibilities and deadlines are clear.

    M - I will keep my fingers crossed for your little bird. They wouldn't be asking after you if they weren't seriously interested. And sorry about the non-relaxing beach/dog trip.

    "Any idiot can face a crisis; it is this day-to-day living that wears you out." -Anton Chekhov


  21. #36231
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    Quote Originally Posted by Cosmosmom View Post

    Chrissy, I like Myles wording for the email. I would totally send it and keep it plus the reply just in case it's ever brought up at review time.
    I'm definitely writing her. It's too important to let slide. But it won't do any good. I'm only doing it on principal alone.

    Going to her boss would be futile as well. He lets his managers do wtf ever they want. One (not over me) nearly lost the university a contract with a VERY big cell phone company (one of the top 3 we are all familiar with) because she was so b1tchy to the rep for them. The rep threw up her hands and stomped out. She almost pulled the contract altogether before it was signed....and he didn't discipline her at all. He's like, "Sara's Sara." (not her real name) So that clearly indicates to me that he isn't going to give a crap about rapidly shrinking deadlines while being buried under more and more 'one more thing' items that come up daily.

    I only just learned about this today, from my reliable source. We were commiserating about my workload/deadline and that story came up.
    Last edited by missychrissy; 10-17-2012 at 08:02 PM.

    Mama to Bobbie 20 ~ Jesi 18 ~ Syd 14 ~ Conner 6
    I'm gonna be a Gramama! Jesi is due 11/22/13


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    Not a lot of time today. DH left for work at 4:00 AM without telling me, I overslept (he wakes us up and takes care of her breakfast while I shower) and had to send DD off to school without breakfast, and have been trying to catch up ever since.

    Myles, get this book: http://www.amazon.com/Feisty-Fido-He.../dp/1891767070. It is very good, a short/quick read, and should help with the on leash issues. Because my dogs seriously outweigh and outmuscle me, I cannot afford to have them out of control on leash, so they both have good leash manners. In the past, I used to walk about 4 dogs, on leash, by myself (dog weight was about 250 lbs, mine was about 106), and there was no way to do that with unruly dogs. Until you do train them, consider using a management tool to help you maintain control.

  23. #36233
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    Yeah I can imagine it would be a lot different with big dogs. Mine are like 31/32 and Molly is probably about 24ish now. Sometimes we take them alone and sometimes use the doubler....which usually they just pull against each other. A few times though they went in the same direction trying to say hi to a pug down the block and I was like, wow, 55 lbs pulling is a LOT different than 25 or 30. LOL

    Our problem isn't walking them enough. It's often too hot, too cold, too buggy (I cannot stand bugs, especially swarms of gnats in my face. now by the time i get home, get dinner made and eaten, it's getting dark out already. I'm too scared to even take them in the backyard when it's dark out as I know we have coyotes and it's not totally rarely to get bears around here. At night it's just in the front as there is a lot more light. It's too easy for stuff to hide in the corn field. I swear too that one time we saw a wolf along the tree line just past the farm field. I'm in a weird place....new subdivision that is technically city but on the very edge and we have farm fields around us and a smaller forest preserve area with a creek. I'm the very last house on the dead end road so we don't even see many cars on the street....which is why Molly feels the need to bark at them all (though we can see the interstate from the house, it's just far enough that it doesn't seem to attract her attention). When Cosmo was a baby we lived in an apartment on a busy street so she saw a lot more traffic.

    Instead we mostly just have them out in the yard....sometimes front yard and sometimes we are out back. Like tonight we had them out before dinner playing football....that is Cosmo's favorite. Molly doesn't quite have it down, she thinks it is chase the Cosmo and doesn't know what to make of the football.

    Jennifer, 35, DH 36

  24. #36234

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    Quote Originally Posted by Suja View Post
    Not a lot of time today. DH left for work at 4:00 AM without telling me, I overslept (he wakes us up and takes care of her breakfast while I shower) and had to send DD off to school without breakfast, and have been trying to catch up ever since.

    Myles, get this book: http://www.amazon.com/Feisty-Fido-He.../dp/1891767070. It is very good, a short/quick read, and should help with the on leash issues. Because my dogs seriously outweigh and outmuscle me, I cannot afford to have them out of control on leash, so they both have good leash manners. In the past, I used to walk about 4 dogs, on leash, by myself (dog weight was about 250 lbs, mine was about 106), and there was no way to do that with unruly dogs. Until you do train them, consider using a management tool to help you maintain control.
    Thanks, Suja. I'll look at the book. By management tool, did you mean a Gentle Leader? That's about all we have for them. My forever challenge with training them is that they work each other up when in each other's company. They're both so much more controllable when separated. When they're together, they listen to me half as much. So main problems are 1) being on leash and 2) togetherness makes them both extra distracted and easily more naughty. They're a combined weight of 135 lbs, so my arm is sore tonite!

    Hope you had a good sleep when you overslept anyway.

  25. #36235
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    A Gentle Leader is fine, if it is properly fitted, and your dogs don't act like a$$holes on them. If it is not giving you suffiient control, try something else. There are good no-pull harnesses out there, and a properly fitted prong is an extremely effective tool (Use small prongs, and fit like this: http://leerburg.com/fit-prong.htm).

  26. #36236

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    We are off for Kais' ultrasound and blood test results. Hope we get some answers today!

  27. #36237
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    I have never tried a gentle leader. I use a harness for my girls. I couldn't stand the choking when just attaching the leash to the collar and feel like the harness gives better control. Plus I tend to keep their collars a bit loose. Not sure if I have seen a no-pull one.
    I don't think that I could do a prong one and never a choker. I feel badly enough putting Molly's outdoor collar on her that goes with the electronic fence as that has two prongs that stick out and just don't look comfortable.

    Jennifer, 35, DH 36

  28. #36238

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    Good luck today Bridget!

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    Quote Originally Posted by Bridget View Post
    We are off for Kais' ultrasound and blood test results. Hope we get some answers today!
    KUP! I'm thinking of you!

    Mama to Bobbie 20 ~ Jesi 18 ~ Syd 14 ~ Conner 6
    I'm gonna be a Gramama! Jesi is due 11/22/13


  30. #36240

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    Thinking of you also Bridget. So hoping you find some answers for Kai!

    Erin

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