Secular Confessions

[Gwenn]

I don't know if I have a dealbreaker. I have put up with a lot of crap from DH, and although I haven't done the same types of things to him, I am lazy and leave a lot of things for him to deal with like cooking and cleaning, that he isn't happy about now that he is back in school. Part of me feels bad and like I should do more, and another part of me feels like he should earn some money before he complains. Whatever, we love each other and both want to make it work.

There was a point not too long ago that I wondered if we were going to make it. Between the infertility and DH being short-tempered all the time about school work it just wasn't pretty. Things have smoothed over a lot, though, and I guess it really is about attitude at the end of the day. L was right about hopelessness - I think that's exactly where I was. I don't feel quite so hopeless just now. Although puppy has been a source of conflict for us, he's also given us some positivity as a family to counteract the hopelessness which is good. I personally am not a naturally happy or positive person on the inside (totally different on the outside) so struggling for so long is really wearing me down.

[girlwonder]

I feel the same about infidelity as Suja - at least in theory. My lack of interest makes me feel guilty. The reality would probably be a different thing. Physical abuse is a deal breaker. But that's really the only one that is set in stone for me.

I'm sorry you are having to wait on a diagnosis, Suja. I hope it is really nothing but body weirdness and that it passes soon.

I'm super-cranky as we just got back from our second weekend in a row with with in-laws. This weekend we drove to Dallas and went to the Chihuly exhibit on Sunday and the State Fair today. JoJo was being exceptionally cruddy, rude, bossy, etc. It is infuriating to me that the more she is around her Mops and Pops, the more she ignores anything I say to her. Bedtimes are now stretched out to two excruciating hours as she is now used to every whim and desire being catered to, no matter that it is 9:45 and WAY past her bedtime. I got so mad at her today in the car on the way back that I just had to close the door on her at the gas station and just stand there and try to breathe. And I can't seem to let it go so every time she does something bad, the mad at everything comes rushing back and I am having a hard time not losing complete control during every interaction with her. Need to figure out a way to step back.

As for the Chihuly exhibit, I think it was pretty cool but my in-laws don't ever actually stop to look at anything. Going anywhere with them is maddening as they walk briskly through museums, gardens, zoos, etc. without stopping. They glance as they walk by, but are always in a hurry to get to the end so they can eat/drink. And the State Fair was just a madhouse - miles and miles of people crushed in and loud barkers and rap music, organ pipes and people screaming - I got a little tweaky towards the end. JoJo had fun on the rides, but that is a once-in-a-decade experience as far as I'm concerned.

Chrissy - I'm hoping your week is better than last week. Hope your grandfather is feeling better.

[missychrissy]

Oh Katy that doesn't sound like any fun at all. I hope JoJo gets over this phase really fast. I know what it's like to try to maintain your composure when the kids keep doing one thing after another and not letting you decompress between. It's incredibly hard sometimes. And yes, Conner all by himself can get me in that state.

[missychrissy]

Jumping in here way off topic...most of you will probably remember me talking about the accident my brother had about 5 years ago that resulted in his friend's death. He spent 8 months in jail and has a felony (criminal negligent homicide) on his record stemming from all that. Anyway, since then he's had a terrible time finding a job. Just terrible. He got out of jail right when the economy tanked and our already repressed area simply did not have any jobs for him. When there are 80-100's of people applying for minimum wage jobs, it's easy to weed some out by not even calling those that have a felony listed on their application. He's stayed busy, working here and there under the table for his buddies, but all along he's been trying to get a legitimate job. He finally got one at Best Buy at the distribution center in our area. He was happy. I was happy. I thought (as I'm sure he did too) that his life was finally turning around. It's been 5 years. This morning, after just 4 days of working for them, they let him go because of the felony. He's crushed, I'm nearly devastated. He even texted me and said he doesn't cry much, but he did driving home this morning.

I hate this. My brother really is a great guy. He's a hard worker, completely dependable. I don't know what he's going to do. I'm really worried about the state of his mental health right now.

[Bridget]

Oh, Jeez, Chrissy. I got tears in my eyes for your brother. That just really, really sucks for him. Why did they hire him in the first place just to turn around and fire him?

[missychrissy]

He left the felony off the application. I didn't know that...he's applied with them every year (they do seasonal hiring for xmas) and they never call him. When he told me he'd finally gotten an interview, and then hired, I figured it was because it had been 5 years since the whole thing happened. Nope. I really don't know what he's going to do. I print his resumes and help him compose cover letters. He's been trying for years and this is the first time he left the felony off the application. It was also the first legitimate interview he's gotten. I am so upset. If I wasn't already on the bus 1/2 way to work when he texted me, I would have stayed home.

[daylilies]

I'm so sorry about your brother, Chrissy.

[Suja]

That's tough all around, Chrissy. Background checks take a few days to come back, usually, which is probably why he was let go after a few days. Has he looked here? http://www.xamire.com/

[girlwonder]

I'm sorry, Chrissy. That is just awful. Your brother must feel despairing of ever getting his feet under him.

[missychrissy]

There may be some hope. My favorite person, Faye, talked to me this morning and her bff happens to own a construction business. She asked me if it would be ok if she talked to her friend about Tim and see if they have any availabilities right now. Their business is booming and they do everything from build homes, remodel, to dig wells and pour concrete. Faye said they don't pay well, and it would likely be an hour from where Tim lives but it's something. We'll see if Chris has any availability and what she might be able to offer him. She's helped another guy out who had something similar happen to him in his past and he couldn't get a job either. He'd been out in a bar one night and saw this guy abusing a female patron. He punched the abuser outside, and when he fell he hit his head on the sidewalk and ultimately died. He was another 'good guy' and hard worker, but once that felony was on his record he couldn't get a job. He's worked for Chris for years now.

[Suja]

Fingers crossed, Chrissy. I hope something good happens for your brother.

[Ky'sMom]

Also having some positive thoughts for your brother.

I remember you sharing his story 5 years ago. It is too bad that after all this time it is still haunting him. I can't say I'm surprised though as my dad is still denied jobs from a felony he committed in 1983. It is pretty ridiculous. As a 20 something year old he stole some tires and sold them and even though that was a bad thing to do, it has been nearly 30 years and it is still haunting him. Luckily he can get it expunged and is working on doing that as he has a CDL and it has stopped him from getting job by having that felony from 1983. He was recently denied a job due to that felony and is working with a free agency that is assisting him to have it removed.

Do they have some sort of programs that can help your brother? I know in my hometown they have a lot of "ex-offender" programs that assist them either with starting businesses or getting jobs a lot of time city jobs if some are available.

Even though I appreciate our law enforcement it is a crapshoot - the criminal justice system IMO. It seems to penalize people who don't have money in a lot of instances instead of focusing on the facts of the case. I'm sure if your brother had $100K to pay a legal team he wouldn't be going through this right now.

Erin

[Suja]

I was talking to mom about Chrissy's brother, and she said that the state government hires quite a few ex-offenders (she used to work for New York State). There may be requirements in terms of showing that they've done continuing education/volunteer work/kept their nose clean, etc.

[Bridget]

Erin, I just want to say that I've been quietly reading the presidential debate thread and you are really, really smart. I have so much respect for your knowledge!! I have to stay out of those debates because I didn't pay attention in school AT ALL to this sort of thing so I learn a lot from you and you do inspire me to stay informed so I can pass that along to my children.

Kai's blood draw went ok yesterday. He wigged out at first. Majorly. I had to walk outside with him because it was an insanely loud wig out where he told me he hated dr's and when I asked him if he wanted to find answers as to why he goes pee all the time he said "NO I LOVE GOING PEE ALL THE TIME! LOVE IT LOVE IT LOVE IT." And this was a decibal that had me cringing and him red and coughing. So I called his bluff and said okay we shall leave then and I took two steps towards the parking lot before he said "FINE I WILL DO THE WORST THING EVER KNOWN TO MANKIND" Lol he is a trip even when he's in a tantrum.
I gave him a lollipop and told him it had magical powers which he didn't buy so I told him that a friend told me she read an article that said if you suck on a lollipop during a blood draw it hurts less. Afterwards he said it actually didn't hurt as much as he thought and we talked about how thinking about it before it happens is much worse than the actual event. I explained that was why I didn't tell him until we were in the waiting room because I didn't want him to have to think about it. I felt bad about that because he was so happy and chatty in the car on the way and right up until the moment I told him why we were there and the sh!t hit the fan. He blindly came with me because he trusts me and then I had to hit him with the truth. I think he understood why I did it that way though. I hope so anyway. After we went to Walgreens and bought a little led remote control helicopter as a bravery reward. Although, he questioned whether or not he really deserved a bravery reward since he screamed so loud and I said the fact that he had the chance to leave and decided to stay on his own was incredibly brave.

[Suja]

Well, I was going to PM Erin and tell her that I loved her. Since I didn't go to school in the US for the most part, my grasp on US history is not what it should be. Not that I'm good at history or geography in the first place.

Bridget, I do believe it was brave of Kai to decide to go through with the blood draw, and he totally deserves his bravery award. I hope you get some answers. How soon before you find out?

[Ky'sMom]

Bridget, actually Ky just did a section on the constitution and we have been discussing it at home so I read it over to make sure he was paying attention lol. So I actually don't remember all of that from way back when, it was recent. Once Savana gets to whatever grade they do the constitution in your area, I'm sure you will be well versed. The portion about not having the right to vote though via the constitution made me go since my memory of 7th grade American history does give me a vague discussion about the various portions of the constitution that include voting rights as the 15th amendment, passed right after the Civil War (which Ky and I also recently discussed since he is finishing a project on the Civil War and Reconstruction) prohibits the denial of voting for anyone based on "race, color, or previous condition of servitude." The 13th-15th amendments are the ones I learned the most about in school that I remember 13-end slavery, 14-defines citizenship, 15-denies prohibition of voting for reasons stated above (except women of course).

So glad you got the blood draw over with. When are they going to give you the results?

Erin

[daylilies]

I'm glad you got the blood draw over with. And I think it was very brave of Kai to stay when he had the chance to leave.

[missychrissy]

Also having some positive thoughts for your brother.

I remember you sharing his story 5 years ago. It is too bad that after all this time it is still haunting him. I can't say I'm surprised though as my dad is still denied jobs from a felony he committed in 1983. It is pretty ridiculous. As a 20 something year old he stole some tires and sold them and even though that was a bad thing to do, it has been nearly 30 years and it is still haunting him. Luckily he can get it expunged and is working on doing that as he has a CDL and it has stopped him from getting job by having that felony from 1983. He was recently denied a job due to that felony and is working with a free agency that is assisting him to have it removed.

Do they have some sort of programs that can help your brother? I know in my hometown they have a lot of "ex-offender" programs that assist them either with starting businesses or getting jobs a lot of time city jobs if some are available.

Even though I appreciate our law enforcement it is a crapshoot - the criminal justice system IMO. It seems to penalize people who don't have money in a lot of instances instead of focusing on the facts of the case. I'm sure if your brother had $100K to pay a legal team he wouldn't be going through this right now.

Erin

I'm not aware of any programs like that around here, and I used to work for the county and am familiar with what services they offer in the area. There's virtually zero support for any "ex-offender" of any kind. Unless it's mandated treatment for something, for which the "offender" has to pay out of pocket for him/herself.

I was talking to mom about Chrissy's brother, and she said that the state government hires quite a few ex-offenders (she used to work for New York State). There may be requirements in terms of showing that they've done continuing education/volunteer work/kept their nose clean, etc.

He's been working under the table ever since. He's needed to earn money and that's the only way. I'll probably edit this soon, so please don't quote me. He can't tell anyone that...so it looks like he's been sitting on a couch for 5 years.

Bridget, I agree that it was indeed very, very brave for Kai to go back in and do it despite how scared he was. Bless his little heart. I'm glad that's over. Now for the nailbiting results waiting time.

[Cosmosmom]

I share in the Erin love. So often I read something you wrote and I'm like yeah yeah yeah! I have great thoughts but putting it into writing was never my strong suit. My US history and gov classes were almost 20 years ago so I am weak in what i remember there as well. I could go look it up but it's been a bit busy the past few days so I haven't.


Awww Kai was definitely brave. Doing something that scares you when you actually have a choice to not do it is the bravest thing of all. And really it's fairly common that i walk past the lab and hear kids that sound like they are being murdered back there.

[Suja]

I think it was at my nephew's 5 year check-up that his parents and staff had to chase him down, tackle him, and pin him to give him a vaccine. He was screaming and running. And that was just for a two second shot, not a blood draw.

[Ky'sMom]

I think it was at my nephew's 5 year check-up that his parents and staff had to chase him down, tackle him, and pin him to give him a vaccine. He was screaming and running. And that was just for a two second shot, not a blood draw.

I was like your nephew in regards to shots Suja. I still hate them and have to work myself up over them. I am actually dreading going back to the doctor because last time I went in July, they gave me a booster of varicella as I've never had chicken pox and it hurt so much after and I hated the experience so much, that I didn't go back in August to get the second dose and I know they are going to give it to me next time lol. I hate shots.

I hated them so much as a child that my mom just didn't make me get them. When I was 5 my dad had to take me around to the health department to get a ton of vaccines I was behind on so that I could get registered for school. It probably wasn't as many as I remember though. I think I got the DTP and something else, but man I remember that day. I was screaming and I tensed up so hard that a needle bent on my leg. The nurses had to hold me down and my dad was crying and had to turn around. It was horrible. My leg was hurting for a month and I gave my parents evil looks. My mom still remembers that and how I wouldn't talk to my dad after that for a couple weeks and how sad he was because I was the apple of his eye and just adored him back then. He also remembers that and another time when I wouldn't speak to him as some of the worst days of his life lol.

Erin

[missychrissy]

I'd cry and feel sick, but I sat there like a good girl. I was a good kid....when I was little. That ended right about 14. I went from 14-16 using my 'good girl' image to be trusted and then sneaking off and doing things my parents still don't know about. I got pregnant (on purpose) at 16 and figured I could drop the charade.

[daylilies]

I share in the Erin love. So often I read something you wrote and I'm like yeah yeah yeah! I have great thoughts but putting it into writing was never my strong suit. My US history and gov classes were almost 20 years ago so I am weak in what i remember there as well. I could go look it up but it's been a bit busy the past few days so I haven't.


Awww Kai was definitely brave. Doing something that scares you when you actually have a choice to not do it is the bravest thing of all. And really it's fairly common that i walk past the lab and hear kids that sound like they are being murdered back there.

Last year we had a hard time with his vax too. He hid under the table. I always hear kids screaming bloody murder at the doctor's office.
Nothing's as bad as an IV though :barf:

[Cosmosmom]

Kids???? Should have seen the fight and tantrum I had to deal with DH getting a tdap! Tells me to make us an appt so I do. This was on Wed. Thursday I call and didn't get through so he thinks we aren't going this week. Friday morning I get through and schedule the appt with the nurse. I call and tell him to get there in an hour. We live a few minutes away. OMG, we had a big fight, I made him cancel his own appt because he was no longer "mentally prepared". I went and got mine, he schedules his the following week...the day before our weekend away. I point that out, another fight-ish happens and he's talking trash about never going to the doctor again and way over-reacting. he reschedules the next week.
I have a pretty strong borderline severe reaction so I figured he would chicken out. He actually went, said it wasn't bad....and was only a little tender.
he has passed out twice at blood tests...once mine and once his so that is a major effort to get him to do that. Shots, same thing....he will not get flu shots and honestly I'm shocked he went through the tdap. Actually I think that he got a prize for that too. LOL Money for some blue crystals that are part of this online game he plays.

At least I feel a lot better about bringing a baby into the house with us both being updated on pertussis.

[daylilies]

I feel bad for adults who have a fear of getting blood drawn, and other things that involve needles because it's so often misunderstood. People tell you to just get over it but it's not that easy.

[girlwonder]

Kai is so brave! After the last shot for her pneumonia, I think we are going to have a hard time getting shots from now on. She cried and cried for 10 minutes - it must have hurt tremendously.

[raspberry]

I hate getting blood drawn, I have these little veins that run and hide and roll. If the tech isn't good I can get poked and prodded and end up black and blue. I have had to do the butterfly on the back of the hand. The last night I had to have it done, I took one look at the young tech and I said no. I still need to make an appt and get my yearly blood work done. I dread it.

Kai was brave and did deserve a special pressie.

Suja, so sorry about your health concerns.

I don't know what my dealbreaker is with dh, an affair on either side would be difficult to overcome. When dh was a teenager his mother had an affair, that was a confusing and painful time for dh. He says he doesn't hold it against his mother, but I think deep down he does. She was ready to leave her dh and her two sons, but changed her mind at the last minute. And dh was married before and she cheated on him 6 years into the marriage. DH had to deal with trust issues early on, but we completely trust each other. Plus I have told him, if he cheated, they would find parts of him in 14 states.

Yesterday at school G won the game Mouse Trap, he was so excited. I tried to sit down and put it together with him, it's a lego version that you build it up. Well I have learned I have no patience for things like that. I have the hardest time with building something using ONE picture. Um where is the small red piece that fits into the slightly bigger green piece. ack. where the **** is it?! So glad that dh is good at that type of thing.

Overheard on Sunday afternoon, Gilly is playing with his cars "what the hell is going on?!" I said to him we don't say that G, he looked up at me, "but mom (I am now MOM and I don't like it) you say it." parent fail.

[AmeriBrit]

I used to be OK at blood draws and even donated blood twice (I'm an O+ hero! lol), but I passed out a few times after having blood drawn; now I have a mental block when it comes to blood draws. It was awful after I had a m/c a few years ago and having to go back every few days for blood draws to make sure my hcg had gone down to 0. I did not enjoy that!

Shelley, I'm with ya on the lego thing. I do not have the patience or spatial imagination for that stuff. My boys both love it and always ask me to play, but I usually defer them to their dad at those times.

Erin, I'm glad you spoke up on the political thread. I like it when peoples get educated!

I was trying to discuss stranger danger with Travis. A 5 year old girl was recently kidnapped in Wales and killed (by a family friend), so I was discussing with him about how he should never get in a car with someone he knows. He made me laugh, though, because I asked him what he would do if someone tried to grab him and he said he'd kick them and throw a ball in their face!

[Cosmosmom]

We buy a good deal of Legos. They have some that are ages 16 and up with over 2000 pieces. http://www.amazon.com/LEGO-Creator-P...=lego+pet+shop

http://shop.lego.com/en-US/Haunted-H...5565&adpos=1t2

I am probably buying those for us for xmas. Eventually going to have a city set up in the basement. I don't like following the directions either but I like sorting the pieces and finding the ones DH needs for any stage and he puts it together.

[daylilies]

Josh has recently really taken to Legos. He and DH sit and make random stuff out of them, but I don't have the ability for it either. I can't even follow the directions that give lots of pictures because I can't figure out what's different from one picture to the next. LOL

I used the term DH yesterday when I was chatting with one of my non-APA friends and I didn't even realize it until she asked what it meant. LOL