10-04-2012, 12:31 PM
Bridget, I am SO happy for you! The urologist at least seems caring and concerned, and I'm sure will help you get to the bottom of this.
I've done so much public speaking that I've become completely used to it. As long as I am well informed, I tend to do well.
10-04-2012, 12:58 PM
Shelley, I love that there was a category devoted to the van down by the river. Does Alex Trebek still host that show? I don't think I've seen that show since I was about 16.
Bridget, I am so glad you got to the urologist. I hope they have some answers for you soon.
I'm pretty good at the public speaking thing. I think people are surprised by that because I am naturally quite reserved, but I enjoy being in front of a classroom or giving a speech in front of people.
Today I was at the photo copier doing some copies for the teacher and 2 6th grade girls who are hall monitors were nearby, so one of them mentioned how they like my shoes, so I started chatting with them. One of them was like, "Miss, I think you are so pretty, like the prettiest teacher in the school." LOL. So, I was like, "Thanks, I think you two are really pretty as well." And then she said, "How old are you? I think you're 20." I told them that I am 31 and they were like, "noooooo waaaaay!" See, I told Rich that people tell me that all the time, so I don't know how to react to it other than to say, "I know; I get that all the time." LOL. I think I need to learn to be more humble or something.
10-04-2012, 01:05 PM
Ash, I don't think you have to be more humble! There's nothing wrong with stating you get that all the time. I'm sure it's true!
Erin, that sounds like hell and I'm sure that is probably the root of the physical ailments you're experiencing. I wouldn't work someplace where they threatened to fire people either. That's utter BS and NOT a way to motivate anyone. I'm a little in a tizzy myself right now because it's evaluation time and I heard that the boss-lady gave everyone 3's across the board last year (on a scale of 1-5). I've never gotten a 3 in my life and if she puts that down, she's going to find out what a 3 is. I don't expect a medal or anything, but I'm a darned good worker and I do expect to be appreciated for that. If nothing else. A 3 would be a slap in the face.
Mama to Bobbie 20 ~ Jesi 18 ~ Syd 14 ~ Conner 6
I'm gonna be a Gramama! Jesi is due 11/22/13
10-04-2012, 01:22 PM
Ah, evauations. I used to have those when I worked for Wal*Mart UK's head office. I absolutely hated those. Having to talk about myself and try to justify how good I was at my job made me cringe. DH still works there and he takes weeks to prepare for his and he has so little confidence, most of his bosses have degraded him at evaluation time. I wish he'd look for employment elsewhere but it's slim pickings out there right now in the world, isn't it?
10-04-2012, 01:33 PM
I have won hospital-wide awards for my work, and I still only get an average rating on my evaluations, because the standard is to put "average" on everything. They are not allowed to do anything else unless there are extreme circumstances. My boss says that she only gets average and her boss only gets average. I hate the evaluation system. I would have a hard time working for a place that caused me consistent high levels of stress or didn't make me feel appreciated. I actually used to work for a place that was fairly abusive to the staff and on Saturday nights I would start dreading Monday mornings. It was awful.
Bridget, I am so happy that the urologist seems to be going to bat for Kai. I would be kicking your old doctor to the curb, too, personally.
I am one that also has had better luck with specialists than with primary care MDs. In fact, I really dislike my primary MD currently, but I've only seen her once in the past 5 years, so I haven't bothered switching her. I have never had a problem going to a specialist, and I have some really remarkable ones.
10-04-2012, 01:35 PM
Our head of HR requires that all workers get mostly 3s in our company. She does this so when she fires someone, they cannot say that got high marks on evaluations since that is the main reason why people sue when they are fired for a specific cause.
Last year I got some 2s, which shocked me. I got all 4s and 5s with my previous boss and at the time, my new boss was only here for 2 months and she gave me mostly 3s and some 2s with a couple 4s thrown in. We have a long evaluation form with multiple topics.
She was apologizing the whole way through and did tell me I do 5 work all the time for her. I made it a point last year to make her comfortable here as she was coming in at a time when the company followed through on their threats and fired or demoted quite a few people - they usually do this every year, which is the weirdest thing to me. And I went out of my way to accomodate her and get her set up on our computer system and show her how to do everything she asked me about with no issues.
The one that really got me was that she marked me off for not having a "sense of urgency." She is really flitty and jumpy and always worried about some job related thing. I actually feel bad for her because one of her bosses at our corporate office is really riding her hard right now and she was telling me she thought she would get fired yesterday and has just been really on edge. I am not jumpy and I don't jump when people ask me to do something. They ask me and I do what is asked or find whatever information they need and if I need time to do it, I will tell them how much and it will be done. No need for all the banter or jumpiness and she doesn't like that I'm not jumpy so gave me a 2 on my eval for that and something else that isn't even in my job description because our HR lady said everyone should have at least two 2s. Very weird. I am not even going to pay attention to my evaluation this year.
10-04-2012, 01:43 PM
I used to dread Mondays when I worked for a bank here in Atlanta. I used to literally cry every day before work!!
I actually like my job here at this company though. It is really interesting and I have gained experience in and learned a lot about all sorts of different positions in property management because our office is so small. I'm the office manager, receptionist (when I feel like answering the phones, we have an auto attendant most of the time), executive admin assistant, project manager, procurement coordinator, human resources representative for our region, and probably a few other things that I forgot. We all have about 3-4 jobs here as we only have a 5 person staff at our region's corporate office so I have learned a whole lot about a whole lot of different job descriptions and I like learning new things.
Also we get great benefits and I get over a month of vacation every year. We also can work from home a lot, I can't so much now that I do procurement though since that information is sensitive and we have to keep a lot of paper files and i don't want to risk losing any documents carrying them home. But on the whole, I do enjoy my job. I just don't like our corporate office people or the threatening, fear based environment. If that were gone, I'd want to stay here for as long as they'd let me.
10-04-2012, 01:44 PM
10-04-2012, 01:49 PM
My evaluation form is a slightly modified teacher evaluation form. Particularly in my current setting there are lots of questions that just don't apply, such as questions regarding how I design instruction (I don't do any instruction in my current position). I have to fill out my interpretation of all the questions in advance, then sit down with my supervisor, who does the same and we discuss our answers. When I filled it out, I put a lot of n/a for those types of questions. She told me I was being "too self-effacing" and she gave me good marks on all the items where I said n/a, because she said otherwise she would have to put me on an improvement plan! LOL - so if she's okay with it, I'll take her assessment that it did it and did it well. Kind of ridiculous she would have to put me on an improvement plan over my lack of instruction since that isn't part of my job!
Me (39) DH (46) & furbabies * m/c 7/08 4/12 11/12
10-04-2012, 01:54 PM
Bridget, I must have missed your story about the urologist's appointment. Very encouraging! I think your other doctor needs to hear what happened exactly the same as you told us. If there is something that could have been caught sooner due to their stonewalling, then they need to know and improve their processes. At the very least, perhaps you could share your story on healthgrades.com. Sad to say that the only thing that gets people to change the way they do business is a bad review.
Sorry, I didn't mean to sound like I actually measure my cortisol. I was just using colorful language to say I know my stress levels rise under the surface. if you do think you have elevated cortisol, maybe look into that herbal supplement called Relora that Dr. Oz is touting. It's supposedly a big thing for people who are stalled in weight loss, particularly around the midsection, due to stress. I don't know much about it, actually, but I've overheard some rave reviews.
Originally Posted by Ky'sMom
Better, though, would be if you could eliminate the source of stress. If you can make a transtition to another job, then I say go for it. I think I've told you before that you'd make an excellent project manager. If you're going to put up with the frantic pace of a demanding job anyway, maybe you'll find managing projects more rewarding, personally and financially. If you're curious about it, maybe you could poke around the PMI institute's website. http://www.pmi.org/PMBOK-Guide-and-Standards.aspx You don't have to be PMI-certified to be a PM. I'm not, and project management is one of the things I do. A former employer just sent me to a couple classes. The practices I learned from them have been helpful in just about every little "project" I undertake, whether at work or at home. Anyway, a lot of people make the step from being an admin/executive assistant to being project coordinator first. Then they work their way to project manager from there. So I remember you saying you were an exec assistant in the past. If you decide to go looking for a new job, maybe add "project coordinator" to your search and see if anything jumps out at you that you like.
I feel the same way. Preparation is huge. When I'm in very uncertain waters, I confess I've written out what I'm going to say verbatim and read off a page. For me, when I speak publicly though, it's often solving problems right then and there. So it's public thinking in addition to public speaking. LOL. I think that's what raises my cortisol levels more than anything else. But it's a good kind of rush... for the most part.
Originally Posted by Suja
10-04-2012, 01:57 PM
Erin, addendum to what I said about "trying out" PM-ing, since I read above that you already do it for your job. What I meant was you should be a dedicated PM. You'd be awesome at it.
10-04-2012, 01:59 PM
Totally off topic, but one of my cousins who is a republican and thinks she is the funniest person in the world has been annoying me lately posting stuff on FB about degrading democrats, so I deliberately today posted a few political things to see if she'd take the bait and she did. LOL. She was one of my best friends growing up, but her views on life are pretty screwed up because of religion. I feel really sad for her and also mad at her since she is so wilfully ignorant.
10-04-2012, 02:08 PM
10-04-2012, 02:20 PM
I'm taking the kids (and my mom, on a brief one-day stop between Wisconsin and Wyoming) to the current house that I'm in love with after school gets out. It's right near my mom's house, so it wouldn't be a big change in commute for me. It would be better for my mom. It's right near the freeway for easier commuting, but it's on an acre of land in the middle of the city we currently live in. The children could continue to go to their same school. It has a treehouse and a creek. I'm getting unreasonably excited about this. I'm going to take pictures of the kids frolicking on the property to send to my dad. DD already says she wants a sheep and some chickens. DH is trying to talk her into getting a goat instead.
I hate buying houses. I've done it twice, by myself both times, although DH kind of came along for the ride last time and gave me some input. It is an incredibly frustrating experience fraught with disappointment after disappointment, so this little feeling of excitement in the pit of my stomach keeps turning over into fear and dread also. It doesn't help that I bought in peak housing market times before, when there were 20 offers and bidding wars for every house I looked at. It's starting to get competetive again, though, and we've been looking at houses and the last two houses we liked, which were just put on the market, already are in contract. One accepted an offer before the first open house. Gah!
10-04-2012, 02:32 PM
That's so exciting, L! I hope it turns out to be everything your heart desires, and that you are able to close on it quickly.
Let's just say that there are perks to being your own boss. I've never evaluated anyone on anything other than their performance, and reward them amply if it is well deserved. I hate all these 'Oh, I've got to give you 2-s on something just because' kind of stupid and arbitrary rules.
10-04-2012, 03:20 PM
L, I'm excited for you. It may be a roller-coaster, but it's worth it in the end.
Me (39) DH (46) & furbabies * m/c 7/08 4/12 11/12
10-04-2012, 03:43 PM
I'm excited for you too L. I'm sure it's stressful, but I do hope this results in a 'good stress' kind of thing and you end up with the house of your dreams. I hope you share pics with us!
Mama to Bobbie 20 ~ Jesi 18 ~ Syd 14 ~ Conner 6
I'm gonna be a Gramama! Jesi is due 11/22/13
10-04-2012, 04:00 PM
Me too, L! Very excited and can't wait to see pics.
Erin, I feel worried about you. I believe you are very in tune with your body and emotions and you think something is off, please investigate asap. You deserve contentment and health. Love you, Woman! Make an appt!!
10-04-2012, 05:11 PM
Bridget, I was talking to my dad about Kai (he is extremely knowledgeable about anatomy/physiology/medicine), and he is just outraged that it has taken this long for any doctor to even acknowledge that there is a problem. I've never see him get quite this worked up before, and he thinks there is a clear case of malpractice here (his legal background is woefully lacking, but I tend to agree that the pedi has been negligent).
10-04-2012, 07:41 PM
L, I love the sound of that place. I'm going to stay really positive and visualize your kids running around catching frogs in the creek
and C leading 2 goats around by a rope.
I'm overhearing DH starting to argue politics with his brother. I
am tempted to go into the next room and tag in because DH is just so bad at arguing, but nah. Not worth it.
On another positive note, Bodhu has been so crazy well behaved, he's making us look like parenting geniuses.
10-04-2012, 08:32 PM
10-04-2012, 09:29 PM
I think what you have to do to actually enjoy parenting is to take credit for the successes and to deny culpability for the failures. In fact, after reading Raising Happiness, that's the secret to enjoyment of life in general. So even if I didn't agree with you already, yes, Mylah, you and your DH are parenting geniuses! However, there will come a time where all of his mild manners will come to a screeching halt and you will wonder what kind of beast he has turned into (I am not a psychic, but believe me, children are sine waves of oscillating acquiescence and terror).
In general, I believe that most people on APA, whether we agree with their particular parenting practices or not, have a lot going for them as parents. They are interested and actively involved in learning and becoming better parents, whether by actively asking questions and seeking different points of view, or even just reading about what others do.
10-05-2012, 06:46 AM
I agree with all this especially the last part. It's what makes me feel better, in fact, when I feel like I'm the worst parent ever.
Originally Posted by 3andMe
Josh says he hates school. I thought he enjoyed it, because he doesn't come home upset or crying and he's been doing well with the worksheets he shows me, etc. but he's having a hard time adjusting to all the learning! I don't think he truly hates it. But it bothers me that he already doesn't like it.
10-05-2012, 07:40 AM
L I'm wishing you luck on the house hunting and on the house you have in mind. I also dread house hunting. Did the kids and your mom like the place?
And Bridget, I have already made an appointment with my doctor. They are always busy and there is always at least a 2-4 week wait. This time it was 4 weeks. A friend of mine though told me about her new doctor and they take walk in appointments so I'm going to look up some info on them and see if they fit my needs list for a medical professional. She told me they have free parking, so right away, they have a good score so far.
And Myles, I have been thinking of focusing on project management. Most of the available jobs here though in that field are IT based and I don't have an IT background, though I could easily go to our community college and get it, but I am not sure I want to work in the tech field. There are also a lot in construction project management, which is what I do mostly here in conjunction with our actual construction project manager. He is tasked with doing practically everything and since they moved me to being the procurement manager (but I have to have a title of procurement coordinator because they "don't have a procurement manager title set up in the system yet" - I think they just don't want to pay me more money lol) and procurement/contract administration/contract management/construction project menagement intertwine in our business, so I do some of his duties. We are on a government contract so it is also government project management, which is very interesting.
But you brought up a good point about project coordination, I will check out the link you provided and will look into that. I wasn't planning on doing a job search until after the holidays but will look around now I guess, can't hurt.
10-05-2012, 09:28 AM
Erin, I hope you can get in sooner than 4 weeks. That seems like a long time to wait.
Kate, I am so sorry Josh is saying he hates school. I know that complaint all to well and it hurts me to hear it too.
I am trying to quell my irritation with dbf. It's nothing new, same old shiznit. He is trying to get his company to give him a budget for an assistant to take care of paperwork for him and then hiring me to do it, assuming they are ok with that. I help him already with whatever he needs help with. The only stipulation being that he cannot ask me when I have all 3 kids in the kitchen and I'm making dinner. He had the audacity to make a comment to me yesterday that maybe it wouldn't be such a good idea to hire me since I'm always too busy to help him. I have tried explaining to him that I am more available during Sawyer's nap time or after the kids go to bed. I didn't appreciate that comment at all since I have helped him so much with his "job" and he doesn't help me at all with mine.
For example, Kai has recently started to stand while peeing and he often pees all over the back of the toilet and god knows where else. He does attempt to clean it up but as it is I usually have to clean the toilet and surrounding area every day. Last night dbf came out of the bathroom and said, "Didn't you just clean the toilet yesterday? It already stinks again". I said yes because Kai misses a lot. He said, "He needs to stop that". (Wasted words, imo. He is his dad and I am the one that is trying to teach Kai how to aim his penis) Then he goes and sits on the couch and turns on the tv. I had just gotten all the kids to bed and was packing lunches for tomorrow and cleaning the dinner mess. So I asked him since he noticed the toilet was dirty and the bathroom stinks, would he not clean it up? His answer was that he doesn't feel like doing that right now. That is so unfair. If you notice a job needs to be done, do it! So of course I go in and take care of it because I'd rather not live in filth thank you very much. Then he's asking me when I am going to sit with him so we can "hang out" which is his code for dtd. I told him I would have been there already if he'd freaking help me out once in awhile. Then he starts going off on how when he starts traveling all the time he won't have time to help at all and I said what is the dang difference?? He's not helping now! The difference when he is gone is one less person to cook and clean up after. He didn't love that but the truth hurts I guess.
10-05-2012, 09:39 AM
Oh, and I am really trying to think about how I can get Kai to cooperate with a blood draw that has to be done over the next couple of days. He is TERRIFIED. When he got is shots you'd have thought that someone ripped off his left toe. Also, i had to do a finger prick to do the allergy test and he flipped the heck out and screamed for a long long time after telling me I was evil. lol
I talked to him about it last night and told him that I'd like him to think of a prize for his bravery that we can get after he does it. He said he wasn't sure yet if he'd like to be brave but he'd think about it. I'm not one for bribing but I just feel so bad for Kai these days that I'd probably buy him a frickin pony if he asked. Just kidding, not really. Maybe a guniea pig though.
10-05-2012, 09:58 AM
Your DBF is a piece of work Bridget! Why won't he teach Kai to aim? I would think he'd have more experience with that.
Funny story related to that in regards to my dad. He was the only boy of 5 kids and his dad was a womanizer and always out of the house with his other women and my dad's mom and his 4 sisters were sick of him peeing all over the place so his mom told him that he'd have to sit down and pee until his dad showed him how to do it correctly. His dad never did and he said that he didn't pee without missing most of the time until he was nearly a teenager lol. He still likes to sit and pee too sometimes because that is just what he's used to. His sisters are always asking him if he learned to aim yet lol!
In regards to the blood draw, I'd bribe in your position as well. Maybe not with a guinea pig though as that'd just be another "person" to clean up after.
You are so nice to help your DBF with his work. And for him to complain about you not helping when he wants your help is ridiculous. I wouldn't even help him anymore due to that. I am mean though so don't listen to me because I do that a lot and it causes many temper tantrums for my DH. I think he is learning his lesson though as he rarely complains anymore when he used to complain about everything every day.
And Kate, Ky used to hate learning too. I used to be really worried about him when he was 4-6 years old. He loved the social part of school and lunch and playing but not much of anything academic. I knew this though about him when he was younger. He never really wanted to learn much of anything even though he could pic up on things really quickly like basic preschool stuff and letters and sounds and numbers as long as they were in a game format. There are horrible statistics though about little black boys not reading adequately and so I went to extreme measures and forced him to read. He used to fight me about it and cry, but he could read chapter books in first grade and by that time at 6 years old, he started to like reading and is now always one of the best students in school.
I think back then he was just energetic and didn't like all that "learning" crap all the time. Sometimes I wish I didn't push him so much back then, but eh, he is the best reader in his class so I don't let it bother me too much and I was more into him not being a certain way back then than I am now so it was a learning process for me as well.
I am considering teaching Elle to read. I want to now that she is 4 and she already can read some small books. She also told me she wants me to teach her but with her I am a bit more laid back for some reason. She loves learning though. She likes to sit and write and read and do math problems and work with "manipulatives" and all kinds of things at school. So I don't think I need to teach her and that it will just come to her because she likes to pay attention in school. So I am torn in that respect.
10-05-2012, 10:13 AM
I am not one to push kids into reading and writing but if she's asking I certainly don't see the harm in it. I did not push any academic learning at all in our house, even when I was homeschooling Savana for kindy. We sewed and cooked and played. Those concepts all come into play. And I have to say that both Savana and Kai's teachers are ahead of where they need to be according to wi standards right now. In fact, Kai just got moved up to Savana's class yesterday! They are both so excited about that and luckily Savana is not offended at all but just happy to have Kai with her. I think it's so sweet and am glad they are together now.
Erin, I think I have gotten much more "mean" with dbf since knowing you. lol. I don't take his sh!t anymore like I used to and i'm not afraid to put him in his place. Yesterday I had a talk with him after I took the kids to school about how they are really only here for 4 hours a day in the evening before I put them to bed and that it would be really nice if he would make an effort to spend quality time with them during that time since it has gotten to the point that they don't even notice if he is here or not because he pays so little attention to them. (See, before I would have been afraid of hurting his feelings by saying that!) So he said he would try but even after that when I was leaving to pick them up he said he was going to a friend's house to help him with his computer. I said I hoped he'd be home in time to spend some time with the kids and he said he'd call and let me know. I said don't bother calling me with excuses and just come home in an hour. But of course 2 hours later my phone started ringing and I didn't even answer it. I know he is sitting over there talking story and drinking cheap beer out of a can so he can complain about how is stomach hurts later that night. I don't want to hear some song and dance about how hard it is to fix his friend's computer. I texted him about five minutes before I put dinner on to tell him fyi we were sitting down to dinner and of course then he called. I didn't answer and he was home five minutes later talking about how it's rude to not answer my phone. I just stared him down and he didn't speak another word about it.
Suja, I forgot to mention that I am touched you spoke of Kai to your dad. I will say that if it turns out that something is really wrong with my boy and it could have been detected with a simple test, I will be speaking up about it.
Last edited by Bridget; 10-05-2012 at 10:14 AM.
10-05-2012, 10:36 AM
That is so nice Kai and Savana get to be in the same class! My brother and I shared a class in 5th/6th grades. It was only for "smart" kids so we were both excited for that. It was one of my favorite years in elementary. I got to see my mischievous older brother in action. He was very practical jokey back then and still is in a way.
Speaking of him made me remember my mom told me she thinks he is transforming back into "the old Adrian." My brother was the love of my life when I was a girl. I just adored him. He got into smoking a lot of weed and drinking heavily and recently stopped drinking about 3-4 months ago. He lost his job so stopped smoking. He recently got a new one though so my mom is hoping he doesn't start that up again but she was thrilled because he is being extra jokey and sweet like he used to be before he started doing all of that, which he didn't even start until he was 25 or 26. He is 34 now. He had to move in with my mom after losing his job and at first he was getting on her nerves but she is okay with him now. She was cracking me up in saying that I need to move back home with her now since my youngest brother moved out about 8 months ago, then my second youngest brother moved in with her after he lost his job about 6 months ago and then moved out 2 months later after he found a job, and now my older brother moved in with her after losing his job. So she wants me to come back so that over the course of the past year, all of her kids will have lived with her for a spell. She is cute. I sooooooo don't want to move in with her! I am afraid if I ever move in with her it would damage our good relationship lol.
Too funny about you being meaner Bridget. Hopefully DBF will start to do stuff that will cause you to treat him extra nice and actually "hang out" with him after the kids go to bed more often lol. I once told my DH if he mopped the floors regularly, that he could get some on those days and to this day, he will mop the floor at least every other week so he can DTD too lol. I never have to ask him either.
10-05-2012, 11:12 AM
Josh really loves to learn but it has to be on his own terms. He has a bunch of science kits and he just likes to take random things out of them and see what happens when he mixes things, or makes his own projects. He likes to read but on his own terms. He reads to himself after I put him to bed and the other night he said "what if I get to a word and I can't figure out what it is?" so I gave him a pencil and paper and said to write down the words he can't figure out. He's reading The Cat in the Hat right now and he's having trouble with those double consonant sounds like sh and th. So he wrote them all down last night and the next morning we worked together to figure out what they were.
My husband thinks it's funny that women are more likely to want to fool around with their husbands who help around the house. DH cleans like crazy and I still don't want to have sex. To me, cleaning is great but I'd like him better if he were a better dad. I keep trying to make the point that a good relationship with his son will matter more than a clean house, in the end.