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Thread: Secular Confessions

  1. #35731
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    Quote Originally Posted by Bridget View Post
    Oooh, that is a good idea.
    I had already planned for that for Savana especially since she likes to fight me on things and I don't want to run into that. I want harmony, damit! lol
    I have them once in a while. LOL I was just thinking when you described the day that it sounded great....but of course it's not always going to be a bunch of fun. Once in a while you have to learn things that just aren't as interesting to you or you don't like so much. I had actually considered a contract for the kids when I was considering homeschooling (NO way would I have sent my child to milwaukee public schools!). Get them involved in writing out the rules helps give ownership in the whole process.

    No sense in leaving DBF out! Actually my DH back when we were just engaged bought a car together. The only way he would agree to it was if I signed something stating that it was his car in the event we broke up. I didn't put a penny on it but we had to have it in my name first to get my dad's employee discount. It was nice to have something in writing that we both signed agreeing to the arrangement.

    Jennifer, 35, DH 36

  2. #35732
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    I think family contracts are a really good idea. They always seem to go down well on Super Nanny. I don't actually care to watch SN but DH likes to watch it. I think he likes to say, "Hey, our kids aren't that bad." LOL.

    We were remortgaging the house a few years ago and paid my FIL his money back that he lent us for the down payment of the house (a cool $60k) and the solicitor asked us if we wanted to put the house more in DH's name if he had paid more money in to it. We both looked at each other like, "Whaaa?" I was all, 'hells no, we are in this thang 50/50, brother!"

  3. #35733
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    Ash I agree with things 50/50! Especially in a long term relationship/marriage.

    I know we wouldn't break up but I think DH needed that as his mom had been divorced and was going through the second one at that point. Plus I literally put NOTHING into the car other than my dad's discount. And we had been together just I think 2-3 years at that point.

    Now on the other hand, heck yeah everything is 50/50! Plus WI is community property anyway and pretty much works 50/50. I absolutely do not allow DH to have any accounts (or myself either) that do not have both our names on them.

    Jennifer, 35, DH 36

  4. #35734
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    Ah, well, I see what you mean there, Jennifer. I thought you were saying that you both were paying in to the car and he still wanted you to sign an agreement and I was thinking that was pretty harsh!

  5. #35735
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    LOL No, down payment was totally his money from before we met and he was totally making the monthly payments. I did help finish up the car but that was after we were married and the agreement was void at the point of marriage. I didn't even really have a job when we got that car. he just got scared to put my name on it (and it had to be listed first) when I put nothing into it....and we both could see it getting nasty in a breakup, especially on my end. I had no problem signing that agreement....just clarifies things to have them in writing and him not feel stressed about what if's.

    Jennifer, 35, DH 36

  6. #35736
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    I was just texting my stepmother about Glen Campbell playing in Ithaca at the end of the month. My father is an old fan, and I thought he might like to go but if I ask him he won't admit it till AFTER it's over. So I was being sneaky and talking to his wife about it. While we were texting back and forth, she mentioned that my grandmother was taken by ambulance this morning to the ER because she had a high fever and was acting delirious. Mind you, it was nearly 4:00 p.m. before anyone told me and the only reason anyone said anything was because I initiated a conversation about a concert.

    Who does that? wtf is wrong with my family?

    Mama to Bobbie 20 ~ Jesi 18 ~ Syd 14 ~ Conner 6
    I'm gonna be a Gramama! Jesi is due 11/22/13


  7. #35737

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    Bridget, just chiming in here quickly because I have to say your kids are lucky to have a mom like you. Some moms I'd maybe say, "Meh, the kids are better off in a classroom." But it seems almost a waste to send them off each morning when you all clearly make each other so happy. Go for it, mama!

    All I'd read was the article that Chrissy had posted. After hearing what Jennifer & L had to say, I'd reconsider my initial reaction.

    L, how are things with your mom? House hunting? Well on both fronts, I hope.

  8. #35738

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    Eeks, Chrissy, sorry about your grandmother! Keep us posted!!!

  9. #35739

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    Bridget, the story of him hating his body and noticing your little sigh got me too. Kids are so perceptive.

    Can I just say it bugs me that when Josh is reading, people say "Oh, he has it memorized?" No...he's actually reading. Why are people so reluctant to give kids credit on that? Both my mother and DH have made stupid little laughing comments about memorizing when he's clearly sounding out words and reading them.

    Chrissy, I'm sorry your family didn't tell you about your grandmother. I see that happen a lot, these days. Did she tell anyone else? I hope your grandmother is okay.

  10. #35740
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    Chrissy, I hope your Grandmother is okay. I wish I had an answer for your question, other than that it seems like you seem to have inherited all the good genes.

    Bridget, I'm generally in the 'Homeschooling is a terrible idea' camp, but in your situation, I trust you so completely to do the right thing for your kids, and the school system seems completely inadequate. How long would they be homeschooled? No idea if there is a particular age or something beyond which you have to have them go some place accredited or something like that.

    Myles, good luck with the baby making.

  11. #35741
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    Chrissy, I hope your grandma is OK; it's awful that no one let you know sooner. You know what people are like, though. I'm sure that's how I'll end up hearing about one of my grandma's being poorly since people tend to forget about me.

    Kate, that is annoying when people do that. I think that some times people don't want to think that some kids are faster than other kids at doing stuff. For instance, my FIL works with a guy who has a grandaughter the same age as his own (our niece) and from the sounds of it, the other little girl is quite advanced, but when FIL tells the stories about how the office guy brags on his grandaughter, my FIL makes out as if they guy is making things up. I can remember from when Travis was really little and I didn't like to talk too much about him with people because I was sure people would think I was making stuff up about him to make him sound good, but he was/is a quick little learner.

  12. #35742

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    Quote Originally Posted by Bridget View Post
    I saw on fb that B is writing his name. He's good!
    Thanks, Bridget.

    I noticed that Mandy, you saw it too. I wanted to ask you... is the backwards h is an indicator of anything? He'll trace a regular lower-case h, and then immediately turn around and write it just like that again.

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  13. #35743

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    Quote Originally Posted by daylilies View Post
    Bridget, the story of him hating his body and noticing your little sigh got me too. Kids are so perceptive.

    Can I just say it bugs me that when Josh is reading, people say "Oh, he has it memorized?" No...he's actually reading. Why are people so reluctant to give kids credit on that? Both my mother and DH have made stupid little laughing comments about memorizing when he's clearly sounding out words and reading them.

    Chrissy, I'm sorry your family didn't tell you about your grandmother. I see that happen a lot, these days. Did she tell anyone else? I hope your grandmother is okay.
    kate, I'd be really annoyed by that too. Sounds like Josh is into it.

  14. #35744
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    Kate, I think it's mean that they make laughing comments when he's reading. They should be proud of him and encourage him!

    I flat out asked my stepmother why no one bothered to inform me sooner and she simply forwarded my aunt's number to me and said, "give her hell." It's not even worth the bother. At this point, I'll feel privileged if they tell me anything else. For better or worse. I have far too much going on in my immediate family to worry about giving my aunt (whom I never see) hell. Dad has issues with her. He can give her hell.

    Mama to Bobbie 20 ~ Jesi 18 ~ Syd 14 ~ Conner 6
    I'm gonna be a Gramama! Jesi is due 11/22/13


  15. #35745

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    Well they weren't really laughing *at* him, they were more like chuckling to me on the side, like oh how cute, he has memorized it. And he's almost 6, aren't most kids starting to read by then? Simple things like the cat in the hat?

    Gee Chrissy is your family passive aggressive much? Sheesh.

  16. #35746

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    Wth, Chrissy? That would make me really angry.
    And Kate, that is awesome that Josh is reading. Why would they possibly think he just memorized? You'd think all they'd need to do is pay attention to realize he's really reading.

    OMG Kai wrote his name on everything he owns. Everything. All his toys. With permanant marker. He was so stinking proud that I had to let him know really gently that I'd rather he did not write on anything but paper without permission from me. He was still upset that I wasn't super excited.
    Dangit, I was just getting ready to sell his wooden spaceship on craigslist because he never plays with it and it's like new. Was like new.
    Last edited by Bridget; 10-02-2012 at 05:05 PM.

  17. #35747
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    A lot of kids "read" books by memorization. If he's doing it pretty well, it might be hard to tell the difference, and if they don't know which books he knows well and which books he doesn't, it just speaks to their level of unfamiliarity with his books and how often he reads them, not necessarily questioning his skill level. Unless it's obvious they're questioning his skill level.

    DD can read pretty well, and likes to read bedtime stories to S. Sometimes she'll pick out a book for me to read to both of them, and I'll suggest that she read it to us instead. She has gotten good enough with some of the simple books (like I Want My Hat Back) that I'm starting to work on her tone and inflection, and using different voices for different characters to make it more interesting. I know she doesn't have them all memorized, because we have hundreds of books and my dad sends us more every week and we just got that particular one I mentioned. On the other hand, baby S. has some books memorized and actually sounds better when reading than DD does, because he has the inflection and tones down instead of just a kind of frantic monotone as he's trying to figure out the words. If I didn't know which books DD knows and which books she doesn't know, and what she sounds like when she is reading vs reciting from memory, I wouldn't know if she was reading or not unless I checked her on something entirely new.

    Mylah, Bodhi's printing is awesome!!!!! I wouldn't worry about the backwards h. DS still writes his Ns backwards about half the time, sometimes one forwards and one backwards in the same name. I love how the B is so careful and precise. It is lovely. Backwards letters are very common, and even getting letters and words reversed in kindergarten is not anything to worry about (according to my K teacher and some reading I have done). It is not an indication of dyslexia, if that is what you're wondering about. Not until much later, if reversing continues, is anything like that considered.

    Chrissy, so sorry to hear about your grandmother and the communication issues. I wish her a speedy recovery.


  18. #35748
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    Oh Kai Little stinker!

    Quote Originally Posted by Bridget View Post
    Wth, Chrissy? That would make me really angry.
    I'm so used to it I honestly feel nothing about it. When my grandfather passed away, I was extremely hurt that there were photos of him and his other great-grandchildren, but not one of him with one of my own. When I said something, my aunt said, "We looked Chrissy, but there weren't any." I just looked at her like...exactly. No one ever thought to take a picture of him with one of my kids. That's probably why my dad has issues with his sister to this day. My dad is a great person and not one that's prone to jealousy, but he's often said that his sister was spoiled well above and beyond him and his 2 brothers. And that favoritism continued as they became adults and had kids of their own. Now that all of us grandchildren are adults ourselves, everything is still all about my aunt, her kids, and her grandkids. Me giving her hell isn't going to change that.

    Mama to Bobbie 20 ~ Jesi 18 ~ Syd 14 ~ Conner 6
    I'm gonna be a Gramama! Jesi is due 11/22/13


  19. #35749

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    I'm so excited to hear/see Bodhi and Kai writing their names!

    Lydia, when he actually reads he reads pretty haltingly, and there are a few books he hasmemorized and the difference is pretty marked when you hear him read the two. I suppose someone who doesn't know the difference might assume he had memorized it though.

  20. #35750
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    So great to hear how many of "our" kids are reading and writing! I feel like I have a stake in them somehow! LOL.

    Myles, the teachers and OTs I work with tell me that letter reversals are normal up to age seven. That was a beautiful h and nothing to worry about at all. His letters are very clear and precise for a three-year-old.

    Bridget, it really does seem that you are giving school an honest try and it is just not working out for you. Kids - even the nonverbal kids I have worked with - know when you respect them and when you are annoyed by them. How sad it must be for Kai, such a perceptive little guy as he is. I do hope you can find a solution to his pee issues, though - not for this school because that is a short-term thing but because if this doesn't resolve, there will be many other times and places where it will interfere, such as spending time with friends or later on, working, etc. He's already self-conscious about it and I can only see it getting worse.
    Me (40) DH (47) & furbabies * m/c 7/08 4/12 11/12

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    Quote Originally Posted by Gwenn View Post
    So great to hear how many of "our" kids are reading and writing! I feel like I have a stake in them somehow! LOL.
    I know exactly what you mean. Just this afternoon's posts from B and K pulled at my mommy-heart strings. I still feel very sad about Kai being so sensitive about his peeing and I couldn't help but instinctively feel defensive for Josh.

    I have zero doubt that it's possible to fall in love via the internet because I know I love all 'our' kids very, very much.

    Mama to Bobbie 20 ~ Jesi 18 ~ Syd 14 ~ Conner 6
    I'm gonna be a Gramama! Jesi is due 11/22/13


  22. #35752

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    Awwww. You guys are so right. We do have so much invested in each other emotionally. I will be forever grateful to apa for leading me to y'all.

    So I do have an appt with our regular dr but I feel like it's just going to be a waste of time.
    If you were me would you go to an allergist next or a urologist maybe? I don't know who do go to next. I'm waiting on his finger prick allergy test from the homeopathic dr.

  23. #35753
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    It's possible he has two unrelated issues going on. I really hope his regular dr has some good advice. He/she should be steering you in this. I know I would have felt better if they'd just performed the allergy testing when you asked.

    Mama to Bobbie 20 ~ Jesi 18 ~ Syd 14 ~ Conner 6
    I'm gonna be a Gramama! Jesi is due 11/22/13


  24. #35754
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    Maybe schedule an appointment with both, and see who you can get in with first? I'm inclined to say urologist first if I had to pick one, though.
    Me (40) DH (47) & furbabies * m/c 7/08 4/12 11/12

  25. #35755

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    It seems like they all feel as if Kai is just not emptying his bladder, as if he's in a rush when going potty. But i feel like Kai is old enough now to where they shouldn't be an issue. I have talked to him about this until him and I are both sick to death of talking about it. I've sat with him while he pees and when he finishes I've asked him to just relax and see if he can go more. Also, it started when he was still in diapers so being in a hurry and not finishing wouldn't be a factor at that point.

  26. #35756
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    I feel like they're not listening to you. It's time for them to start investigating. For real.

    Mama to Bobbie 20 ~ Jesi 18 ~ Syd 14 ~ Conner 6
    I'm gonna be a Gramama! Jesi is due 11/22/13


  27. #35757
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    Quote Originally Posted by Bridget View Post
    It seems like they all feel as if Kai is just not emptying his bladder, as if he's in a rush when going potty. But i feel like Kai is old enough now to where they shouldn't be an issue. I have talked to him about this until him and I are both sick to death of talking about it. I've sat with him while he pees and when he finishes I've asked him to just relax and see if he can go more. Also, it started when he was still in diapers so being in a hurry and not finishing wouldn't be a factor at that point.
    All I can say is you know your child and they don't. You need to be aggressive about making them follow up with this.
    Me (40) DH (47) & furbabies * m/c 7/08 4/12 11/12

  28. #35758
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    Quote Originally Posted by Gwenn View Post
    All I can say is you know your child and they don't. You need to be aggressive about making them follow up with this.
    Mandy is right. I know one very well respected dr actually got in my friend's face a little bit because her 4-year-old had a really bad ear infection and mom knew something was terribly wrong, but because he didn't show the classic symptoms, the ER dr kinda blew it off. He nearly had serious consequences as a result and the treating physician (a large, strong, black woman) got right down in my friend's face and told her, "Don't you EVER let a doctor brush you off like that again! You're his mother and no one knows him better than you do!" She also gave the ER heck for not catching whatever the underlying issue was. I wish I could remember because it could have been very serious if it went untreated.

    I don't tell you that story to scare you or make you feel bad, but just assure you that there are some dr's that do want parents to be bigger advocates for their children. They recognize that some just do the bare minimum and see far too many patients to really properly treat them. Sometimes it is up to us moms to say, "hey, wait a minute. I know something is going on and I want answers." There's nothing wrong with that.

    Mama to Bobbie 20 ~ Jesi 18 ~ Syd 14 ~ Conner 6
    I'm gonna be a Gramama! Jesi is due 11/22/13


  29. #35759
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    Bridget, is taking Kai to a university hospital out of the question? I feel strongly that you're likely to get to the bottom of this if you took him some place like that, where all the specialists, knowledge, equipment is concentrated in one spot.

  30. #35760

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    I agree. I do need to be more assertive about it and I will. I think I was sort of like, screw them i will figure it out myself but it turns out I can't figure it out myself. It really seemed for awhile like the gluten free diet was making better. Dbf and I both noticed he was using the bathroom so much less. But then it all started back up again after the vaxes and the rash.

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