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Thread: Secular Confessions

  1. #34591
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    NY wins at the worst cost-of-living/lowest paying state in the country. Or it's a pretty ****ed close 2nd. :/

    Mama to Bobbie 20 ~ Jesi 18 ~ Syd 14 ~ Conner 6
    I'm gonna be a Gramama! Jesi is due 11/22/13


  2. #34592
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    Okay, I'm doing the math wrong in my head. I was thinking the difference in one paycheck, rather than two paychecks per month - so it would be about a year rather than two years. Still, I'll be 40 by that time.
    Me (39) DH (46) & furbabies * m/c 7/08 4/12 11/12

  3. #34593

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    Mandy, I am so sorry. I wish there was something we could do for you. Will you pursue a 2nd opinion?

    Mylah, sorry about your dad. It is so hard to accept your parents getting older. My dad just turned 81, but in my mind he is still my strong like bull work all day long daddy.

    Jennifer, when we had 2 male dogs they were bad at marking spots. Now the older male was the worst for house training-omg I thought he would never get it. I swore I would never have 2 males together again. It's funny but in my experience the boys are always more affectionate and loyal, and the girls are feisty and independent.

    Bridget, that is my family all the time. We all talk at once, and interject into each other's conversations, and then go back to our own conversation. It seemed quite normal to me and I thought everyone did it.
    Shelley-mom to DS, 5

  4. #34594

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    Mandy, is freezing your eggs doable?
    Shelley-mom to DS, 5

  5. #34595
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    Shelley, I agree about not wanting two males. One reason I talked DH out of a third dog - we have one of each sex and I like it that way. Less competition. Unfortunately there isn't a third option!

    We did ask the doctor about freezing my eggs for later. He said that basically the vast majority of the IVF costs were for the meds/procedure to harvest the eggs. The cost of actually having the embryo implanted is minimal. So really it's pretty much the same as doing IVF in the first place.

    He did say once we did it, my egg quality would be that of the age at harvest - so if I harvested my eggs now at 38, had one baby then decided on a second and used a frozen embryo from the first try, my pregnancy stats would be those of a 38-year-old rather than a 42-year-old or whatever age I was at the time.
    Me (39) DH (46) & furbabies * m/c 7/08 4/12 11/12

  6. #34596

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    **** I didn't know that the bulk of IVF money was for egg retrieval. I know this has hit you hard and not what you expected to hear. It just really sucks!
    Shelley-mom to DS, 5

  7. #34597
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    Yes, it definitely does.

    We will come up with a strategy, though. DH is the sort of person who will find a way for what he considers a priority. I just don't see what it is at the moment.
    Me (39) DH (46) & furbabies * m/c 7/08 4/12 11/12

  8. #34598
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    It seems like I read something before about special loans or credit cards just for ivf......or maybe the re does payment plans?

    Jennifer, 35, DH 36

  9. #34599

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    I'm so sorry, Mandy.

    "Any idiot can face a crisis; it is this day-to-day living that wears you out." -Anton Chekhov


  10. #34600
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    3andMe is offline Every day is a gift. It's just... does it have to be a pair of socks? Hopelessly Devoted
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    Mandy, that is just completely disheartening. I would get a second opinion. Maybe even drive to the other large metro area in your state if you don't have other good options in your city.

    Mylah, I wish I had some good words of support and wisdom to offer you about your sister, but I tend to be really pessimistic and cynical and not very enthusiastic when I see people trying to finally make a positive change after a long-term pattern of destructive behavior. Occasionally I am pleasantly surprised. Sometimes I meet a 70-year-old ex-heroin addict, for example. But I tend to be dubious and hold back, which makes me not the good person to be there in the thick of the ongoing change. I hope she is really serious about it, and I'm sorry she's hurt so many people along the way.


  11. #34601
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    I'm so sorry about your dad Myles.

    I surprised Conner with his guinea pig last night. He is one happy boy Beyond thrilled!

    Mama to Bobbie 20 ~ Jesi 18 ~ Syd 14 ~ Conner 6
    I'm gonna be a Gramama! Jesi is due 11/22/13


  12. #34602
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    3andMe is offline Every day is a gift. It's just... does it have to be a pair of socks? Hopelessly Devoted
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    I think I lost parts of the conversation last night, because dh was calling to me to get off the computer and I was skimming really fast and I'm sick and generally feeling kind of dizzy and crappy.

    Mylah, I'm so sorry to hear that your Dad is continuing to have problems and that it may be more serious. I think it's a really good idea to try to pursue a definitive diagnosis and to see a specialist team, hopefully associated with UCSF or Stanford.

    I have nothing to contribute to the dog humping conversation, but occasionally my small female cat will hump my larger male cat. It's so ridiculous I don't mind it at all.

    The first full day of preschool for S. was yesterday. He loved it. He basically waved me off when I said goodbye and looked surprised to see me when I showed up, like, "Oh, you're here already?!" and it was from 9 am to 5 pm. He told me he had a lot of fun, that he played a lot, that he liked the lunch and snacks, that he did some projects, that he read books, that the teachers were nice, and he made some friends. The teacher said he napped and he was quiet most of the morning but in the afternoon he wouldn't stop talking.

    I have given up potty training him. He started rebelling against it. I was getting so that I could go all day without changing him, and I was putting him on the potty and having him go regularly, but he was never indicating when he needed to go and he would never do it himself. My mom said, "That means HE trained YOU." Then he started getting really resistant to putting on pull-ups, and not wanting to go to the bathroom or sit on the potty, and now he gets mad about everything. Maybe it was because he was sick and cranky too, but there was a period of a couple of days when I would give him the choice of wearing a diaper, a pull-up, doing it himself, wearing nothing, anything, and he would just yell and throw a fit and try to kick every time I put something on him. I think maybe I should have been more amenable to letting him potty-train when he first started wanting to do it, but his preschool teacher said that he might still be doing this even if I had allowed it.


  13. #34603

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    Quote Originally Posted by 3andMe View Post
    I think I lost parts of the conversation last night, because dh was calling to me to get off the computer and I was skimming really fast and I'm sick and generally feeling kind of dizzy and crappy.

    Mylah, I'm so sorry to hear that your Dad is continuing to have problems and that it may be more serious. I think it's a really good idea to try to pursue a definitive diagnosis and to see a specialist team, hopefully associated with UCSF or Stanford.

    I have nothing to contribute to the dog humping conversation, but occasionally my small female cat will hump my larger male cat. It's so ridiculous I don't mind it at all.

    The first full day of preschool for S. was yesterday. He loved it. He basically waved me off when I said goodbye and looked surprised to see me when I showed up, like, "Oh, you're here already?!" and it was from 9 am to 5 pm. He told me he had a lot of fun, that he played a lot, that he liked the lunch and snacks, that he did some projects, that he read books, that the teachers were nice, and he made some friends. The teacher said he napped and he was quiet most of the morning but in the afternoon he wouldn't stop talking.

    I have given up potty training him. He started rebelling against it. I was getting so that I could go all day without changing him, and I was putting him on the potty and having him go regularly, but he was never indicating when he needed to go and he would never do it himself. My mom said, "That means HE trained YOU." Then he started getting really resistant to putting on pull-ups, and not wanting to go to the bathroom or sit on the potty, and now he gets mad about everything. Maybe it was because he was sick and cranky too, but there was a period of a couple of days when I would give him the choice of wearing a diaper, a pull-up, doing it himself, wearing nothing, anything, and he would just yell and throw a fit and try to kick every time I put something on him. I think maybe I should have been more amenable to letting him potty-train when he first started wanting to do it, but his preschool teacher said that he might still be doing this even if I had allowed it.
    I hope you're feeling better and less dizzy today, L. At least you gave it a good try with Baby S. Maybe he only needs a brief break from it and will get back into the training in a week or so.

    My dad was seeing a specialist at UCSF, but that was when his other doctor in Vegas had suggested he'd had a stroke. So that guy was a specialist in that area and merely ruled it out. Attempts to schedule appointments with a new specialist at UCSF were met with months-long waiting periods to get an appointment. So my co-worker with PD turned us onto the Sunnyvale Parkinson's Institute. He's in his 70s and has hand tremors, but he's incredibly sharp, and the best part about his recommendation was that the institute helped him adapt to his new body through support groups, social activities, etc. They seem to emphasize the psychological support you need in the face of all the new physical challenges your body's throwing at you. So I am hopeful there will be some progress with a new holistic treatment plan for dad. My dad does have a definitive diagnosis of Parkinsons at this point, but from what I understand Parkinsons is just one of a raft of diseases that make up MSA. So we're trying to pursue something definitive on that front, if at all possible.

    Mandy , I hope you're feeling better about the news you got yesterday and that your DH leads you to some resolve. It seems he's very helpful in that respect.

  14. #34604
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    I got SO pissed off yesterday. I found out from the assistant in Mira's class that the school is planning to move the 2 1/2 year olds up to a different class. No one from the administration had said anything about this to me at all, and school starts on Sept 4th, with next week off for teacher work week. I mean, did they really expect us to stick our kids in a new class with a new teacher we have never met (who apparently is primary trained not toddler trained), and be happy with it? I've asked to meet the new teacher before I make a call on this, but if I feel that it is not a good match, I'm going to ask that she stay in her current classroom. Which may or may not be possible, because they're combining the two toddler room (likely because they don't have two toddler trained teachers). I'm already looking for new schools, in case this doesn't work out.

  15. #34605

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    So sorry to hear your news Mandy. I also suggest getting a second opinion. I really am hoping for the best for you and your DH.

    Myles also hugs to you about your dad. Sometimes I feel lucky that my parents are so young that they really don't have any health problems right now, but they don't take care of themselves and both were former drug users, Dad was a hardcore addict much moreso than Mom and has some heart problems due to drug use but nothing serious. I don't know how I would be in a similar situation as yours and I hope that you are able to find a diagnosis that requires a treatment that actually will help out your dad. On your sister, I am similar to L in that I don't expect people, especially drug addicts to change their ways. I know it can happen, being, as I mentioned above, both my parents did drugs. Dad actually got off drugs before my mom stopped doing them and he used very heavy drugs like crack and heroine but was always a functional addict (he worked two jobs and seemed normal and even picked up my brother and I every weekend and other days, gave us money, and I wouldn't have known he was on drugs if I had never seen them in his hiding place as he never did them around us). But even after he stopped drugs - his 25 year anniversary of being clean just passed a few weeks ago - he still has the same personality. So I wouldn't hold out hope that your sister's way of "being" will change all that much. My dad is still sort of a trip, he is pretty selfish and self centered especially and likes to blame other people for their reactions to his actions. Plus like I said, he was high functioning anyway as an addict. The only part of his personality that is different is that he is more calm and less likely to have a dramatic outburst but he does still have them every once in a while.

    Erin

  16. #34606
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    Boo having a kind of bitter moment. The very first kid I babysat for (and she was not quite 2 at the time!) just announced on FB that she's having a baby and showed the ultrasound. Makes me feel old and sad not to have that moment....or the other one is the ultrasound that determines what gender is in there. There will be other moments unique to adoption....but a bit hard to give up the ones that you spend years assuming that you will have.

    Jennifer, 35, DH 36

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    On a positive note (since I try hard to always be an optimist).....I am now down 14.6 lbs. My goal is 20 by Oct 1st so definitely doable I think.

    Jennifer, 35, DH 36

  18. #34608
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    totally doable Jennifer! WTG!!

    Quick question for ya ladies...if you were thinking about dating someone, but he had some anti-Obama posts on his FB, would that be a deal breaker for you? Otherwise, he's an extremely nice, sweet, intelligent, funny guy and I like him a lot. Even right down to the way he smells. My feeling is I'm willing to see him (if he asks me!) but another friend actually thinks it's a joke I'm wasting my time.

    Mama to Bobbie 20 ~ Jesi 18 ~ Syd 14 ~ Conner 6
    I'm gonna be a Gramama! Jesi is due 11/22/13


  19. #34609

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    It would not be a deal breaker for me. I'd at least get to know him. His stance on certain things might be but not his lack of support for Obama alone.

  20. #34610

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    Quote Originally Posted by Cosmosmom View Post
    Boo having a kind of bitter moment. The very first kid I babysat for (and she was not quite 2 at the time!) just announced on FB that she's having a baby and showed the ultrasound. Makes me feel old and sad not to have that moment....or the other one is the ultrasound that determines what gender is in there. There will be other moments unique to adoption....but a bit hard to give up the ones that you spend years assuming that you will have.
    I would feel exactly the way you do right now without a doubt. While I haven't had the exact same experience as you, I have witnessed friends being able to take for granted certain things that seem out of my reach. It's tough to feel happy for them and stay grateful for what I have. Bittersweet is a good word for it.

    I also have felt old by watching the next generation grow up. Here is a pic of the little girl I babysat since she was 8 months. And she babysat Bodhi at 10 months. Circle of life my friends.

    8417_155605229453_2406867_n.jpg
    Quote Originally Posted by Cosmosmom View Post
    On a positive note (since I try hard to always be an optimist).....I am now down 14.6 lbs. My goal is 20 by Oct 1st so definitely doable I think.
    Whoo for 14.6! I think that's a very reasonable goal. Have you added extra activity into your day? If you want it the weight to go even faster by October, you could speed things up even more by getting a simple elliptical machine, and using it while you watch TV or listen to music/radio/podcasts etc. I have a spin bike at home and DH has been working all week out of the house. So between work and Bodhi care, I wouldn't have worked out at all if it hadn't been for the bike being in my living room. Just another thought.

    Erin, your life story - as always - amazes me. Honestly I'm not surprised that your dad was high-functioning, because you're super-high functioning yourself. I think you're right; I shouldn't expect a complete transformation out of my sister even if she overcomes her addiction (which is to just alcohol, as far as I know). She may always be a little more selfish, a little more needy ... especially if it's an effect of her anxiety disorder or bipolar disorder. I'm blessed to have known such wise, empathetic, generous women in my life (ahem, like in here, for instance) that it's hard not to compare her to them and wish I had a sister like that.

    Suja, that school is just asking to lose customers. I'm sorry, but that just shows so little concern for the parents or the kids. Maybe they're just so confident in their transitioning skills that they think it's no big deal, but you'd think they'd have worked with enough parents by now to always keep them in the loop. I can't imagine how they could have overlooked sharing that information with you.

  21. #34611

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    Chrissy, it wouldn't be a dealbreaker for me either. I'd want him to articulate the reasons for his stance, and if he comes off as sort of thick-minded about it... like if he sounds like he's just repeating catchphrases that he hears in the media and using words like "Marxist" without really understanding what they mean, and if his position lacks facts, or is rooted in bigotry, or if he doesn't seem to have done any digging on his own, or he betrays some underlying core values that you disagree with, then I'd let those be the dealbreakers. I'm not 100% in agreement with all of Obama's actions as president either - though I support him and can articulate both my critiques and my reasons for supporting him. So if the guy has a nuanced view to politics, then there's probably room for disagreement between you guys. Look at it this way, try to see yourself being his friend first, and if that doesn't fly then you'll know you don't want to date him.

  22. #34612
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    Quote Originally Posted by demigraf View Post
    Look at it this way, try to see yourself being his friend first, and if that doesn't fly then you'll know you don't want to date him.
    Excellent point, because that's what it is. We met for lunch and I definitely like him enough to meet him again. We didn't talk politics, but someone else pointed out that he'd voted on one of those FB questions things that Obama was worse than Bush. I did have to look myself and there were 2 such questions like that (the other was whether Obama should get a 2nd term and he said no!! ) But nothing else was blatantly right-wing and he certainly doesn't talk like a right winger. If we ever do discuss politics, I have no doubt he'll be informed and intelligent about it. He's intelligent in general, works in finance for a software company, and rides a bike to work 3x a week. He also joked about both of us selling our stuff and joining a commune. ;) Republicans don't do that!

    Mama to Bobbie 20 ~ Jesi 18 ~ Syd 14 ~ Conner 6
    I'm gonna be a Gramama! Jesi is due 11/22/13


  23. #34613
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    Chrissy, he sounds great - and it wouldn't be a dealbreaker for me! But you've haven't met my DH. He'd be all for selling all his stuff and running away from modern society. Although being a loner I can't picture him joining a commune - still, Republicans aren't all the Christian right.
    Me (39) DH (46) & furbabies * m/c 7/08 4/12 11/12

  24. #34614
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    So I'm kind of annoyed. I checked fb from my phone at lunch today, which I only do occasionally when I have some down time. When I got home DH asked me why I had "liked" a post from my brother's gf. I neither liked it nor "liked" it - but when I went back later, yes, I had "liked" it. Apparently somehow my scrolling through on the touch screen was enough to register as a "like." Not a big deal, but it's something I really didn't want to like and yes, fb notified others that I liked it because it showed up on DH's page. Stupid in the greater scheme of things, but I'm a little upset and I really hate that if I like something, everyone else sees it. What if I want to like something that is funny to me but not to certain people I am friends with? Ugh, just stupid.
    Me (39) DH (46) & furbabies * m/c 7/08 4/12 11/12

  25. #34615

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    Gwenn, I wouldn't like it either, if I "liked" something I didn't "like".
    lol What has facebook done to us?

  26. #34616
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    LOL!

    Can anyone who is my fb friend see the picture of kitty that I posted? It doesn't show on the front of my page but I see it in my photos. I meant it as a post.
    Me (39) DH (46) & furbabies * m/c 7/08 4/12 11/12

  27. #34617
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    That's been happening to me too Mandy, but I assume they look like a post in the feed (as per usual) to my friends because people do see them & comment. I'd be irritated if it said I liked something when I was indeed scrolling. God-what if I accidentally "like" a right-wing post?! Y'all have to have my back and message me IMMEDIATELY if you ever see such nonsense!

    Mama to Bobbie 20 ~ Jesi 18 ~ Syd 14 ~ Conner 6
    I'm gonna be a Gramama! Jesi is due 11/22/13


  28. #34618

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    I hate that - especially when I see a friend's comments from a discussion they are having with a friend who is not a friend of mine. It makes me wonder who sees my conversations (especially those of a political nature!) Not cool, facebook.

    "Any idiot can face a crisis; it is this day-to-day living that wears you out." -Anton Chekhov


  29. #34619
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    Quote Originally Posted by girlwonder View Post
    I hate that - especially when I see a friend's comments from a discussion they are having with a friend who is not a friend of mine. It makes me wonder who sees my conversations (especially those of a political nature!) Not cool, facebook.
    In that circumstance, you should only be able to see the conversation if the non-friend has set that particular post to be viewable to Public or Friends of Friends. If I'm understanding the rules correctly.

    I've noticed that when I scroll through my feed from my phone, I'll see an ad if my friends have liked that page. You know how you can Like Tide or Bounty or any number of products? I just saw a Mr Clean photo while I was scrolling and I paused and that's all it said was "Kat B---en Liked this page" above it. It didn't even say when. So I'm wondering, now that they're a public commodity, is that how they're going to get their "commercials" under our noses? Our unsuspecting friends will "Like" a page for something that they truly like, and then their friends will get to see the ads from it.

    Mama to Bobbie 20 ~ Jesi 18 ~ Syd 14 ~ Conner 6
    I'm gonna be a Gramama! Jesi is due 11/22/13


  30. #34620
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    Yes, that's exactly how that works. Lure you in to like a product then advertise it to all your friends that you like it.
    Me (39) DH (46) & furbabies * m/c 7/08 4/12 11/12

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