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Thread: Secular Confessions

  1. #34561
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    Quote Originally Posted by demigraf View Post
    That's awesome of you to offer, Suja. While I have you on the line, 2 questions come to mind: 1) Is it ok to give my dogs leftover oatmeal in the morning - like maybe a half a cup at a time? They really seem to like it and have started to whimper when they smell it. 2) My little she-dog is a dominance humper. I just let it go, because I read somewhere in a book that it stresses dogs out when you try to disrupt the pack order. But seeing as how you called prevailing dominance theory into question, maybe you don't think so? It is kind of unsettling to see her jumping on Cayo's back and ride away, even though he just has a big sheepish grin on his face. DH does force her to get off of him sometimes because he says it's too disturbing to watch.
    Myles, you can give leftover oatmeal, but try it in a small quantity first, especially if it is made with milk. A lot of dogs tend to get upset stomachs with milk (but not cheese or yogurt, go figure). What I would not do, and this is because I don't like it when dogs go around begging and drooling around food (Pan does it, BTW, because DH encourages it), is to accept bad behavior around it. For instance, they can hold a down-stay or in general, stay out of your way while you're eating, and then you can reward them for the good behavior. Remember that if they're whimpering and begging and you reward it, you're reinforcing that behavior.

    I generally leave dogs to work out their pack order (there is one, it isn't very simple, however), unless there is potential for violence. However, I make exceptions for stuff like humping, especially if one dog simply puts up with it and won't tell the other dog to knock it off, and the humper just persists in being annoying. A squirt bottle, combined with a grating 'Uh-Uh' tends to work really well.

    No tostadas (or tacos for that matter) for me. I like it, but if I eat one, I probably couldn't eat anything else for the rest of the day.

  2. #34562
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    Erin, if it's any consolation...I went to a pre-K program and than K and was pretty much always the oldest in my class. I have a birthday of Sept 12 so just missed the cutoff and while I was tested to go ahead and they said I could, my mom decided to have me be the oldest and not the youngest in my class. I really feel like that was a huge advantage and am glad that they decided to do that. Only con really was that two girls I played with in the neighborhood were born the same year as me but since they were a few months older, they were in a different grade. That kind of hurt those friendships once we were all in the same grade school. But there was another girl on my block who was in my grade and we were good friends.


    I just cut Molly off people food. She has started to jump up at my popcorn bowl and put her feet on the stove when I'm popping it. Totally unacceptable so she is cut off. Cosmo gets people food but mostly just at dinner and really it's only because that is the easiest way to get her seizure med in her.
    Molly is a humper and she gets yelled at for that. It's annoying and rude. And Cosmo will not put her in her place and just looks all annoyed with it. Cosmo is just way too gentle and patient with her. She will let Molly take a toy or a bone right out of her mouth. It was funny when my parents were up over the weekend and brought their two dogs. Charlie had a toy and when Molly went to take it, he growled way differently than Cosmo does and Molly just backed way up and was looking at him with a sorry dude expression on her face. Their other dog Chewie loved Molly and they just played and played. I wish that Cosmo would play with her like that...we should have gotten a puppy two years ago when Cosmo was younger and would have. It was cute when they first started playing, Cosmo was up on the couch staring at them and just ready to jump in if Chewie hurt her Molly. Much as the puppy annoys Cosmo, she's very protective of her.

    But yeah four dogs was too many! And top it off they are boys and I don't think that I like boy dogs and all the marking they insist on doing....I had 6 spots to clean up in my house in the first hour! At least they were small spots as they are all smaller dogs.

    Jennifer, 35, DH 36

  3. #34563
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    Quote Originally Posted by Cosmosmom View Post
    But yeah four dogs was too many! And top it off they are boys and I don't think that I like boy dogs and all the marking they insist on doing....I had 6 spots to clean up in my house in the first hour! At least they were small spots as they are all smaller dogs.
    I'll likely only have boy dogs in the future. Less complicated, far easier to figure out. Also, if they're marking all over the place, that's a sign of poor house training, not their gender (yes, girl dogs mark too).

  4. #34564
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    LOL Yeah I remembered that you like the boy dogs better. It was just so weird because both the boys are house trained. The one took a LONG time...she's a shih-tzu bichon mix. But he's been good for a few years now and has been to my house once before and didn't do this (before Molly came along). The other is a chihuahua dachshund mix....he was found on the streets in Nov last year and nobody seemed to be looking for him so he ended up staying...the vet guessed him to be about 3 years old. They do not mark in my parents house.
    Outside walking they want to try to stop and lift the leg on everything they can. My girls usually will stop once and go and that is it when walking.
    In the house I do also use a litter box and so for that it is nice to have girls who don't lift the leg.

    It is entirely possible that I missed a spot when Molly was a baby and potty training.....but we kept a very close eye on her when not crated and were pretty hardcore about cleaning up with the nature's miracle since our carpet is fairly new (at that time just over a year old). But MIL's male also went on the carpet...he's almost 14 and on lots of meds and pretty much on his last leg in life.
    Ugg that dog drives me nuts and they are supposed to be visiting in Nov. I don't want him to come but I cannot say no...she cannot come otherwise as there is nobody to watch him and she will not kennel him. He doens't go in a kennel....too bad because my big one would fit him. He gets taken outside ALL the time, pretty much every hour or so while here as MIL has to go outside to smoke.

    You really think girls are complicated? I wonder if I just got lucky. Cosmo was always a pretty easy going girl. Easy to train and very attached to me. Not an aggressive girl, we had to go easy with her early on as she was pretty submissive. When we picked out Molly, we looked for another submissive girl and took the one that was the most quiet and calm. She has her moments but really for a puppy she is mostly pretty quiet and calm. Been a little harder to train as she is a bit more stubborn than Cosmo...usually that is related to her nose when she isn't listening. Definitely has a beagle nose! But she is more friendly than Cosmo and not so clingy to just me.

    Jennifer, 35, DH 36

  5. #34565

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    Thanks Suja. I'm glad you might similarly interfere and pry a humping Lulu off of Cayo because even though it might make sense to dogs, it is pretty unnerving to watch for us humans. She looks so determined and he just sits there and grins.

    Kinda like this: (I took this video in the La Boca district of Buenos Aires. That's me giggling like a 5 year old.)

    *************WARNING***********GRAPHIC************ *****************



    On the bad behavior front, our dogs are generally well-behaved around food.We learned the down-stay method during mealtimes from the Monks of New Skete (so the book wasn't completely useless ;)) and they are not allowed closer than the threshold of the kitchen on down-stay while we're eating. We also used to be more strict about not giving them people food, but now they're about 8 years old. Steve's still better about it than me. I don't know why I think of them as old. I mean they're not senior citizens. I guess it's because they're too old to run with us now. Cayo had TPLO surgery on one knee. I feel like I want to give them little treats to make up for the lack of exercise, which is probably just going to make them fat. They don't beg at all, but since I used to be such a stickler, I get annoyed even when they give me expectant looks every time they obey a command. Or when Lulu makes this weird lip-smacking noise (how a dog does that who has no lips is beyond me). Anyway, so back to the oatmeal, it's just whatever few bites we can't finish in the morning. You know how you just reach a critical mass with oatmeal and just can't put another spoonful in your mouth? And it's made with very little (Bodhi's) or no (mine) milk, so I think they're ok. I'll take your advice and be more conscientious about making them work for the oatmeal a little, even with just a sit to remind them it's a reward.

    Bridget, my heart goes out to you when I hear you speak of your mother and what she had to go through. That poor director and his family too. I'd heard he'd had brain cancer as well, but don't know if that's been confirmed. I don't like to talk about what's going on with my dad often because I try to stay positive for him, but any discussion of brain disease honestly makes me feel a little anxious. Some doctors are now suggesting my dad has MSA (multiple system atrophy). He's coming up to stay with us for most of September while he sees a specialist at a Parkinson's Institute about 45 mins from our home. His last brain scan shows he's lost a lot of brain mass, as in his brain is actually shrinking. I'm hoping they can help him adapt to the challenges that they can't correct, and correct the ones they can.
    Last edited by demigraf; 08-22-2012 at 03:14 PM.

  6. #34566

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    And what the heck, while I'm sharing, my sister has been in touch with me by text this last week, telling me that she's booked herself into a rehab facility on an 18 day program. She says she's finally admitting she needs help. I have such mixed feelings about her. She has a host of diagnosed mental health problems, a terrible addiction and I feel like I have to see her character defects as symptoms of her illnesses. I do want to see her get better. But I don't trust her farther than I can throw her. I've been keeping my responses to her brief, but supportive. Last night I told her I hope she really gets to know and love herself through the process she's about to go through. The mixed feelings mostly come from the fact that she was just so, so wrong in the way she handled her infidelity --- the excuses she made, the way she was so condescending to us when we told her we were moving out of the house we were renting from her to get out of the middle of her drama. She behaved like we were just too unsophisticated to understand the complexities of her relationships.

    The fact that she threw her husband this lavish $14,000 birthday party at the time, got up on stage and announced he was the love of her life, while her lover, the father of 5 year twins - was there in the audience with his wife ... that was just plain gross. The fact that the week before the party, she'd lied to me about entertaining an out-of-town guest while she was really off with her lover, leaving me to do all the legwork to throw the $14,000 birthday party... that was just plain mean.

    You try to make allowances for people in your head because you know they're sick, or they've had a rough life. But man, sometimes I feel like I'm going out on such a limb to be an understanding sister. It's very hard to comprehend her pain. She has SO much in terms of financial resources, and so very little real stress. All her angst is created in her mind. She tells me she feels depressed for other people a lot of the time, and it's always because she sees them as "poor". Even this shih-shih rehab facility she chose in Malibu gives me doubts that she's really going to do the work it's going to take to get up and over her addiction. Like she only chose a place that would uphold her "status" in her mind, where I see her need for "status" as part of her whole illness. I don't know. I feel guilty for judging her and holding her to the standard I hold most people. Because she's "sick" and not "tough minded" and my parents always remind me that she's more fragile than me.

    Anyway, I wish her well. Ultimately, I would love to have a sister whom I can respect and who could be my friend. So I'll just keep my fingers crossed for her.
    Last edited by demigraf; 08-22-2012 at 01:44 PM.

  7. #34567

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    Hey all! I've been reading but not posting - just don't have the energy right now for reason. Oh, Myles: I really like Dengue Fever: I don't remember how I came across them, but I really like them! Tell you friend that random fan in TX listens while she exercises!

    JoJo has been very trying to me since we got back from our trip to Mpls. It is one of those cataclysmic brains shifts in her that causes me to have to rethink all my parenting decisions. I guess these come on about once a year and they always just throw me for a loop. I definitely had gotten a bit lazy, so it is a good thing in the end but it is hard to be the adult and say "Even though she is the last person I want to be around right now, I have to choose to spend more time/energy/attention on her to try to help us get through this rough patch." I am doing my best.

    Myles: I wouldn't worry too much about doing more than you are doing about your sister right now - she is still that person even if she is trying to improve so I would definitely take a wait and see attitude - exactly what you are doing. I have noticed that some people (my sister included) seem to think that by saying "I'm just craaaazzyyy and I need some mental help!" then that gives them leave to be crazy without feeling bad about it - because we all know she's crazy, right? So we can't blame her for acting crazy. I don't know if that makes sense, but I definitely know how you feel.

    I can't deal with humpy dogs - it freaks me out completely.

    I hope that Bruno continues to improve, Erin. Glad you were able to get help at the vet.

    My dh and I were both doing internet dating when we met, though our meeting was accidental: I was meeting an internet date at a bar but he was late and dh and his friend were at the table next to where I was sitting so we just started chatting.

    I am ready for summer to be over. I would be one of those people you all were discussing earlier: if JoJo had been out of school all summer I would be more than ready for her to return. I don't think that there is anything wrong with wanting some time to myself - I would be a raving lunatic if I was with JoJo all day every day without cease or break. Different strokes, ya know? We all do what we need to do to maintain sanity, self-respect, family harmony and basic happiness.

    "Any idiot can face a crisis; it is this day-to-day living that wears you out." -Anton Chekhov


  8. #34568

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    Thanks for the supportive words, Katy. Dengue Fever music is a trip, isn't it? I love that you work out to them. I'm sorry for posting the video if it freaked you out. I placed a warning over it just to make sure people had an idea that there were some graphic images to follow.

    It's completely understandable that you'd feel relieved to have time to yourself. I personally envy the time you had with Jojo all summer, but like you said, different strokes and the grass is always greener and all that. Enjoy your Katy-time.

  9. #34569
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    Well, I got some very unexpected and unpleasant news from my RE today - link here.

    The silver lining - which I also explain in the link - is that I am most likely getting a new kitty soon.

    Quote Originally Posted by Suja View Post
    I'll likely only have boy dogs in the future. Less complicated, far easier to figure out. Also, if they're marking all over the place, that's a sign of poor house training, not their gender (yes, girl dogs mark too).
    My male dog has never marked, and was also much easier to train than my female. Plus he came already neutered - she was not spayed and unfortunately went through one heat cycle before we had it done. Never.again. Nasty and horrible. Give me a boy anyday.

    Quote Originally Posted by demigraf View Post
    Bridget, my heart goes out to you when I hear you speak of your mother and what she had to go through. That poor director and his family too. I'd heard he'd had brain cancer as well, but don't know if that's been confirmed. I don't like to talk about what's going on with my dad often because I try to stay positive for him, but any discussion of brain disease honestly makes me feel a little anxious. Some doctors are now suggesting my dad has MSA (multiple system atrophy). He's coming up to stay with us for most of September while he sees a specialist at a Parkinson's Institute about 45 mins from our home. His last brain scan shows he's lost a lot of brain mass, as in his brain is actually shrinking. I'm hoping they can help him adapt to the challenges that they can't correct, and correct the ones they can.
    I am so, so sorry to hear this about your father. It's terrifying. With everything you also shared about your sister, you have also got your plate full.

    Suja, I have been meaning to ask - DH read online that aspirin is safe for dogs. Is this true? If so, what dosage would be appropriate for a 90lb dog? N is getting arthritic in his old age and the painkillers we have used from the vet in the past seem to make him a little loopy. We'd both rather give him something not so strong so long as it seems to help. We are giving him glucosamine daily.
    Me (39) DH (46) & furbabies * m/c 7/08 4/12 11/12

  10. #34570
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    I'm so sorry about the bad news, Mandy. I really hope that things do work out for you, sooner rather than later.

    Aspirin is safe for dogs to take, but for shorter periods of time, because it can interfere with clotting. I believe that it is one of the regular ones, split into two, and buffered is preferred, fed with meal. Because it is not a long term solution, I would suggest that you look into other options. DGP (Doggone Pain) is safe for dogs. Also, the type of qlucosamine you use might make a difference. Pan, for instance, responds WAY better to liquid than pill. You should also try fish oil (1000 mg/10 pounds of body weight/day), and give one regular Vitamin E with it as well if the fish oil doesn't have it. There are other effective therapies as well, such as cold laser treatment and acupuncture.

    Myles, I'm sorry to hear about your dad. They can't come up with a cure/effective treatment soon enough.

  11. #34571
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    Thanks. He is also getting fish oil but we haven't been consistent with that. Too much and he seems to have a lot of diarrhea so we backed off for a while.
    Me (39) DH (46) & furbabies * m/c 7/08 4/12 11/12

  12. #34572
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    Myles, even if her mental illness or personality disorder is genuine, it doesn't make it easy for you or anyone else close to her to deal with.

    Mandy, I'm scared but I'm going to click your link and read your other post right now.

    Mama to Bobbie 20 ~ Jesi 18 ~ Syd 14 ~ Conner 6
    I'm gonna be a Gramama! Jesi is due 11/22/13


  13. #34573
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    BIG ((HUGS)) Mandy. Is IVF not an option for you?

    Mama to Bobbie 20 ~ Jesi 18 ~ Syd 14 ~ Conner 6
    I'm gonna be a Gramama! Jesi is due 11/22/13


  14. #34574
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    Financially it's out of the question at the moment. Even with my raise, if I bank the difference between my new salary and the old one it would take me about two years to raise the money. By that time, I'll be almost 41. And that would just be with one cycle - and only a 60% chance of success.
    Last edited by Gwenn; 08-22-2012 at 08:03 PM.
    Me (39) DH (46) & furbabies * m/c 7/08 4/12 11/12

  15. #34575
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    Oh god. Ugh...I take it your insurance doesn't cover any of it?

    Mama to Bobbie 20 ~ Jesi 18 ~ Syd 14 ~ Conner 6
    I'm gonna be a Gramama! Jesi is due 11/22/13


  16. #34576
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    Nope. My insurance covers nothing. And I can't get a loan as I don't have great credit.

    Apparently Tricare doesn't cover IVF but will cover some of the costs toward it. I'm not on tricare but we can get it for pay with DH being in the NG. But - I couldn't do it here. I would have to go to one of four clinics, most likely San Antonio or San Diego. Which means taking months off work to have the procedure done that would be only partially covered - the money in lost wages and hotel bills would be more than what I would save, as far as I can tell. Same issue with doing a cheapie IVF in a European or South American country.

    DH is talking about volunteering for deployment and banking whatever he earns. Which I'm not sure is something I could emotionally handle again.
    Last edited by Gwenn; 08-22-2012 at 08:10 PM.
    Me (39) DH (46) & furbabies * m/c 7/08 4/12 11/12

  17. #34577
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    Mandy can you take out a bank loan? Is it really that much? I never really looked into it as an option because my BMI is too high. Can they set up payment plans? What about doing IVF via travel? I have heard that can be cheaper by quite a lot and there are some very good places that do IVF tourism.

    As for aspirin, I had a dog once that took a baby aspirin daily for a few years at the end for arthritis and it really helped him. He was only 30 lbs and the vet ok baby aspirin. My MIL's dog takes baby aspirin too for the same reason.

    I agree on female heats! That would be nasty! I had both my girls spayed before they were old enough to have one. Downside is a female spay is more expensive than a neutering a male.

    Jennifer, 35, DH 36

  18. #34578
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    I seriously think my heart is breaking for you. I'm just in shock. I wish I knew what to say, but words are absolutely inadequate. I'm sorry.

    We're just going to have to keep the faith that somehow, something will work.

    Mama to Bobbie 20 ~ Jesi 18 ~ Syd 14 ~ Conner 6
    I'm gonna be a Gramama! Jesi is due 11/22/13


  19. #34579
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    Jennifer, I think we posted at the same time. Check my post just above yours.
    Me (39) DH (46) & furbabies * m/c 7/08 4/12 11/12

  20. #34580
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    Is NY one of the states that insurance covers IVF? I think IL and NJ do but not sure about the others. I definitely know nothing is covered in WI! resolve.com would probably have which states require insurance to cover it. Maybe it would be worth a move since you were thinking of going to NY before?

    Jennifer, 35, DH 36

  21. #34581

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    to you too, Mandy. I hope you do seek out a second opinion from the other RE in the area. Your doctor may be a numbers guy, but he could still be overlooking something.

    Thanks for the words of support, ladies. I just got off the phone with DH and he had a family conference with his siblings. Things are degenerating quickly healthwise for his parents too and it's very worrisome for DH. It's hard to see our loved ones grow older in general.

  22. #34582

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    Mandy, I am with Chrissy in that my heart is broken for you. I really with I had adequate words to express that.

    Is there a pic of the new kitty?

  23. #34583
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    I don't know that it's months to have it done....I think that it's just a week or two. You get the shots, harvest the eggs and wait for them to get ready a few days and implant, right?

    Jennifer, 35, DH 36

  24. #34584
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    There is but not sure I want to post publicly yet since it's not my pic. I'll share with you guys, though.
    Me (39) DH (46) & furbabies * m/c 7/08 4/12 11/12

  25. #34585
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    I don't think IVF is required to be covered here. The best insurance I remember having for IVF was when I worked for my county. They covered 50% of the costs which was unheard of.

    Mama to Bobbie 20 ~ Jesi 18 ~ Syd 14 ~ Conner 6
    I'm gonna be a Gramama! Jesi is due 11/22/13


  26. #34586
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    Okay, I am probably exaggerating with months - but even weeks - with airfare and car rentals and hotel bills and dog sitters it adds up quickly.
    Me (39) DH (46) & furbabies * m/c 7/08 4/12 11/12

  27. #34587

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    Mylah, dammit that is SO hard. It really is. My bff and I were just tearfully talking about this the last time we were together. She lost her dad about a year after he broke his neck in a tree cutting accident. We both said how we don't feel old enough to be losing our parents. One never feels old enough I imagine.

  28. #34588

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    We are all talking at once here. I bet if we were in a room together we could all talk at once and still hear what the other people are saying. Is it like that for you guys with certain people?

  29. #34589
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    I do believe there are states that are required to cover IVF, but not sure which ones. Need to check on that. The thing about a NY move, though, is that given my new raise the difference in cost of living is such that what I would earn there would most likely be less than what I would need to earn adjusted for cost of living - if that sentence makes any sense. We pretty much ruled out a move after I got that raise. Other states might not be such a difference, but I'm guessing any state that requires IVF coverage is probably one with a higher cost of living.
    Me (39) DH (46) & furbabies * m/c 7/08 4/12 11/12

  30. #34590
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    Quote Originally Posted by Bridget View Post
    We are all talking at once here. I bet if we were in a room together we could all talk at once and still hear what the other people are saying. Is it like that for you guys with certain people?
    LOL - I know what you mean.
    Me (39) DH (46) & furbabies * m/c 7/08 4/12 11/12

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