It's 3:00 a.m. and I'm up just thinking about everything. I'm mostly worried about Bobbie and who's going to visit her. I can't get up there till 7:45 and I won't be able to go every day. I won't have enough gas and I'm flat broke. I can't help but feel we've come full circle in the worst possible way. Just months before I purposefully got pregnant with her at 16 I had attempted suicide. I was in ICU for 5 days because I nearly succeeded. I did decide that I most definitely did not want to die, but I wanted, no needed, something in my life to love and love me in return. That was why I purposefully set out to get pregnant. With her. And now she's in a psych ward suffering from the same horrible emotions that brought her here to begin with. I didn't have anyone then. I'm terrified she won't have anyone now. Besides me...and I'm wholly doubting I'm enough. I haven't been or else she wouldn't be where she is now.