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Thread: Secular Confessions

  1. #34171

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    Oh, Chrissy my heart just sank to me knees. I'm keeping you all in my thoughts.

  2. #34172
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    Oh no, Chrissy. I hope she will be okay.

  3. #34173
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    Major Chrissy.

    Jennifer, 35, DH 36

  4. #34174

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    Jennifer, are you close to that open fire shooting here in wisconsin?

  5. #34175
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    They admitted her. And I'm glad.

    Things went from bad to worse today though. I've been talking with Rich and he sounded fine when we were discussing what happened with Bobbie. I mean, he was upset and at times crying, but he wasn't mean towards me or even talking angry about Bobbie. I had had Conner and after speaking briefly with the hospital (they'd called to get some background information on her from me), I decided to take Conner home. When we got up there, his sister was there with her kids and Rich was sleeping on the couch. Jesi was talking to me finally (she hasn't been) and even fed me the dinner she made. I was there about 2 hours chatting with my sister-in-law and all the kids. Conner was acting up and we were all on his case. I had to lock my car because he kept getting in it, then he was hitting, kicking all the cars in the driveway. Jesi decided to wake Rich up to see if he could get Conner under control.

    Conner behaved slightly better in front of Rich (as per usual) but when he asked me if he could come back to my house I told him no. Rich had told me a number of times before that if Conner misbehaves badly for me, I can bring him home. So I was thinking that by me saying no, it was a punishment for the misbehavior he exhibited at his dad's. I mean, how else do you discipline kids? You take away what they want, right? And it wasn't like I wasn't talking to Conner about his behavior and why he couldn't come to my house.

    Well Rich suddenly lashed out at me and was very pissy. VERY. We got in an argument because I couldn't understand where he attitude was coming from. I finally said fine, I'd take him home with me. I don't know what triggered it but he suddenly started screaming that he was done and he kicked a plastic outdoor chair at me, hitting me in the leg, and got right in my face. He was pushing me and I pushed back and then all hell broke lose. Both Jesi and Sydney came to his aide, hitting me in the face, grabbing my hair, and screaming at me to just get out, just go away.

    I'm still too pissed to even shed a tear about it. I cannot believe that he was able to do that to me and they still take his side. I don't understand it.

    Mama to Bobbie 20 ~ Jesi 18 ~ Syd 14 ~ Conner 6
    I'm gonna be a Gramama! Jesi is due 11/22/13


  6. #34176

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    Chrissy, I am just sick for you. I think your daughters are just seeing him as the victim because no doubt they see him suffering through the split while you are doing well with it. It's just so sad. Wasn't Syd more nuetral before? I'm just so sorry, my friend.

  7. #34177
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    Syd has bounced between being neutral and being more like Jesi...thinking her dad is perfect. What really blows my mind is he's been really nasty to them in recent years.

    I'm confident he drank today. That's why he was sleeping when I got there (I had thought it was just stress, but that's not like him. Only beer makes him pass out), and why he exploded so viciously at me. He threw the whole thing with my boss up in my face again even though he's chatting it up with my cousin and according to his mother's neighbor, he's been with her (an older woman who is single). He's just being extremely nasty and now I'm 1/2 afraid he's going to call the police on me. Even though he kicked the chair into my leg and shoved me first, everyone was taking his side. Well, my sil didn't get into it but I don't know if she'd tell the police the truth. I'm certain my kids won't.

    Mama to Bobbie 20 ~ Jesi 18 ~ Syd 14 ~ Conner 6
    I'm gonna be a Gramama! Jesi is due 11/22/13


  8. #34178

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    Wow. I was going to ask if you thought he's been drinking. It doesn't sound like he likes himself very much right now, probably not at all proud of the way he's been acting so he's got to project it all on to you.

  9. #34179
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    Now I'm wondering just what really did go on between him & Bobbie when he found the pot earlier. I have no doubt she was pissy because he was working on the pipes, because that's how she's been. But he's been a bit explosive too. If he was anything like that with her today, no wonder why she ended up where she did.

    Mama to Bobbie 20 ~ Jesi 18 ~ Syd 14 ~ Conner 6
    I'm gonna be a Gramama! Jesi is due 11/22/13


  10. #34180
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    Oh, Chrissy. I'm sorry everything is such a mess.

    Quote Originally Posted by missychrissy View Post
    Now I'm wondering just what really did go on between him & Bobbie when he found the pot earlier. I have no doubt she was pissy because he was working on the pipes, because that's how she's been. But he's been a bit explosive too. If he was anything like that with her today, no wonder why she ended up where she did.
    I think this is a valid concern, and I have to admit I'm a little worried about the kids staying there when he is drinking and can wind up in an explosive temper. I do think the girls are seeing so much of it from one angle that it's clouding their judgment of you. It's such a mess...I wish I had some great advice for you.
    Me (40) DH (47) & furbabies * m/c 7/08 4/12 11/12

  11. #34181

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    Chrissy - I'm so sorry for the giant mess that's going on. Keeping your family in my thoughts.
    D-Mama (37) D-Dada (43) and D-Baby (11/02/2011)


  12. #34182

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    Any chance you could all get a few sessions with a counselor? There's got to be a more civil way to unravel all of this, and the kids obviously are not dealing well. It's not your fault, but you can't fix it on your own, kwim?
    D-Mama (37) D-Dada (43) and D-Baby (11/02/2011)


  13. #34183
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    Quote Originally Posted by Bridget View Post
    Jennifer, are you close to that open fire shooting here in wisconsin?

    No I'm on the other side of the state.....but we have family in Oak Creek, though they are all Catholic so would not have been at the temple. And I know that at least some of the victims shot were brought to the hospital I used to work in. The whole is just awful.

    Jennifer, 35, DH 36

  14. #34184
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    Quote Originally Posted by Gwenn View Post
    Oh, Chrissy. I'm sorry everything is such a mess.



    I think this is a valid concern, and I have to admit I'm a little worried about the kids staying there when he is drinking and can wind up in an explosive temper. I do think the girls are seeing so much of it from one angle that it's clouding their judgment of you. It's such a mess...I wish I had some great advice for you.
    I'm worried sick about it but if I go for custody it will just make it worse with Jesi & Sydney. They'll hate me and fight me and there's no way they'll be honest with a law guardian about the stuff their father has done. I don't know what to do. Wait and see, I guess. If he explodes on them, they can call me and I'll get them. That's really all I can do.

    Quote Originally Posted by dana_renay View Post
    Any chance you could all get a few sessions with a counselor? There's got to be a more civil way to unravel all of this, and the kids obviously are not dealing well. It's not your fault, but you can't fix it on your own, kwim?
    I've brought it up a billion times. Over and over and OVER again. I'm in counseling. I cannot get anyone else to participate.

    Mama to Bobbie 20 ~ Jesi 18 ~ Syd 14 ~ Conner 6
    I'm gonna be a Gramama! Jesi is due 11/22/13


  15. #34185
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    This is going to sound oh-so-pitty-party but I gotta say...this time I've reached out to a number of people I consider close to me. imo, everything that happened is a pretty big deal. Not just in my life, but Bobbie's as well. Do you know not one person has called, emailed, messaged or texted me to ask if I'm ok or how am I doing?

    Is this normal? Or am I hoping for too much? I cannot ever remember a crisis in my life where I had someone to lean on. Except you guys, of course. This is why this particular area is so near and dear to me. If I didn't have you, I'd truly be all alone. I might cry soon.

    Mama to Bobbie 20 ~ Jesi 18 ~ Syd 14 ~ Conner 6
    I'm gonna be a Gramama! Jesi is due 11/22/13


  16. #34186
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    we're here for you. And it's not normal.

    Although I will say that when I was at my lowest with DH's deployment, I got in a huge fight with my mother and her actions really made me feel as though she just wasn't there for me when I needed her most. If I don't need her, she still tries to be overprotective, but when things aren't going well, she's no help. So I can sympathize. You girls kept me same through that.
    Me (40) DH (47) & furbabies * m/c 7/08 4/12 11/12

  17. #34187
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    Chrissy, are these mutual friends? Is it possible they're close to Rich as well, and attempting to stay neutral? I'm really sorry the people in your life are letting you down.

  18. #34188
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    Quote Originally Posted by Suja View Post
    Chrissy, are these mutual friends? Is it possible they're close to Rich as well, and attempting to stay neutral? I'm really sorry the people in your life are letting you down.
    Not at all. They're my family. Even outside of Rich I've had terrible, terrible things happen. They just don't ever think I need anyone to ask me if I'm ok. Ever. I've never had that. Not even when I was little and my mother would be admitted in the psychiatric center 'cause she'd had another psychotic episode. No one even asked me then how I was. Never once.

    Mama to Bobbie 20 ~ Jesi 18 ~ Syd 14 ~ Conner 6
    I'm gonna be a Gramama! Jesi is due 11/22/13


  19. #34189

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    I was going to say the same as Suja, wondering if these friends had been swayed by Rich somehow. Not that it should matter in the least in one small shape of form when it comes to your daughter. They should be rushing over.

  20. #34190
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    Quote Originally Posted by Bridget View Post
    I was going to say the same as Suja, wondering if these friends had been swayed by Rich somehow. Not that it should matter in the least in one small shape of form when it comes to your daughter. They should be rushing over.
    Not at all...did you post the same time I responded? It's been like this my whole life. And it's the reason I have a strong distrust of people and don't share my inner most problems very often. I'm always disappointed.

    I think it's because people view me as so strong, the thought never occurs to them that I might need a shoulder to lean on. Either that, or they really don't give a sheot.

    Mama to Bobbie 20 ~ Jesi 18 ~ Syd 14 ~ Conner 6
    I'm gonna be a Gramama! Jesi is due 11/22/13


  21. #34191

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    Oh Chrissy I am so shocked and sad to read the goings on. I hope Bobbie is doing better and can tell you what happened. I want to curse for you.

    And I even have tears in my eyes thinking of it as whenever I go through something bad I don't have anyone either, so for me it is normal unfortunately. Usually though, I do have DH even if he is an ass at times, he is usually here for me in a crisis unless he is the one causing it of course then I have no one and I don't trust anyone to tell them anything about what's going on. I also don't trust people. I journal a lot and that is how I handle problems. that and just by having a really positive outlook on things.

    I wish we were closer. I'd hug you if you let me or we could just chill out and I'd try to make you laugh and forget for a minute. Virtual hugs to you.

    Erin

  22. #34192
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    I talked to Bobbie briefly on the phone. I still don't know exactly what transpired between her and her dad except that he did accuse her of doing harsher drugs beyond just marijuana. She didn't tell me anything else about that though and we had a lot of other things to talk about so it didn't come up again.

    She sounded good. She is relieved and looking forward to a break. She was afraid we'd be mad at her. I assured her no one is angry at her on any level for seeking help, and in fact I was very proud of her for doing that. She did the right thing. She asked me to reach out to a few people on her behalf. One of them was her father, and of course I didn't tell her about our fight. So I texted him that she was doing well and asking about him and asked if he wanted her number. He did and I sent it and that was it. No apologies.

    Mama to Bobbie 20 ~ Jesi 18 ~ Syd 14 ~ Conner 6
    I'm gonna be a Gramama! Jesi is due 11/22/13


  23. #34193
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    And thanks Erin. It does help to know that another woman that I also consider strong has feelings like this. I waver between being a little hurt that no one thinks of me and feeling like I shouldn't need them anyway and getting angry at myself for even hoping anyone would think to call or message me. I don't know why I thought to call anyone today. I know how they are. Why would I expect anything different now?

    I won't tell Bobbie I talked to them either. She'll only be hurt if they don't call/visit her if she knows they know. If they do call/visit her, well then that would be nice. But I'm not holding my breath.

    Mama to Bobbie 20 ~ Jesi 18 ~ Syd 14 ~ Conner 6
    I'm gonna be a Gramama! Jesi is due 11/22/13


  24. #34194

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    Yes, we posted at the same time. You know, I bet it is because they view you as strong but I do not think that is an excuse to not be there for you, especially if you are reaching out. I have family that are like you in that they keep very quiet about problems and worries and always say everything is fine when it's not. In fact, my older brother is like that and going through something very difficult right now and I have probably sent him a dozen texts, phone calls, and emails letting him know that I know he is a private person but I want to let him know I am here and thinking of him. He usually doesn't respond but that's neither here nor there. I feel like decent people should know better and be there for you even if you don't respond by falling into their arms and sobbing. Like, some people just need too much credit for being a solid friend. It's that intrinsic motivation we talk about with kids so much.
    I love ya, Chrissy and wish, like Erin, that we could be there to make you smile. Or whatever you need.

  25. #34195

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    Oh, I am so glad you spoke with her. I think it speaks so well of her that she reached out for help.

  26. #34196
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    Quote Originally Posted by Bridget View Post
    I love ya, Chrissy and wish, like Erin, that we could be there to make you smile. Or whatever you need.
    You already do. I've been really contemplating this a lot tonight and you all definitely fill a void that I wouldn't have anywhere else. When she was raped by that guy last year, I had 3-4 friends that I had met through APA either send her gifts or friend her on facebook and chat with her for hours, just to be supportive. (Kate from here was one of them). I've been thinking about it tonight and I realized...no one in our family did those things for her. No one. Not one call, visit, lunch date. Nothing. But I know they talked about it. Behind her back.

    Your support of me was absolutely invaluable during that time. I certainly couldn't lean on Rich. He was too angry and if I cry, he gets mean. So I never cry in front of him. I'm the type that learned the only place it's safe for me to lose it is in the shower.
    Last edited by missychrissy; 08-05-2012 at 09:26 PM.

    Mama to Bobbie 20 ~ Jesi 18 ~ Syd 14 ~ Conner 6
    I'm gonna be a Gramama! Jesi is due 11/22/13


  27. #34197
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    Chrissy, if you need to get away for a while, I'm not that far away. You're welcome to stay over for as long as you want. DH is going back to India for a couple of weeks at the end of August, and that coincides with the labor day weekend, in case you're worried about his presence or taking time off.

  28. #34198
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    That's amazingly sweet of you Suja.

    Mama to Bobbie 20 ~ Jesi 18 ~ Syd 14 ~ Conner 6
    I'm gonna be a Gramama! Jesi is due 11/22/13


  29. #34199

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    Oh, Chrissy, your whole family is in my thoughts. I keep hoping this is going to be the end of the pain and worry for you. Love you, woman.

  30. #34200
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    Chrissy, I'm so sorry. You have a family of support here, and you can lean on all of us.


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