Secular Confessions

[AmeriBrit]

I don't get annoyed with children but I have found myself more annoyed with parents who treat their children like crap in public and have to wonder how they treat them at home. I personally expect a lot from my kids when we are out in public but as far as I'm concerned normal child behavior should be fine, especially if the parents are trying to handle it, and if one doesn't like it they should stay home.

Word to this!

I am so happy that Travis does not like video games. One of my nephews (who is 4.5!!!) can stay inside for hours and just stare at the screen playing Lego Batman or Star Wars, but Travis has no interest in it whatsoever. We also have a Nintendo DS (that is DH's) and Travis is not interested in it either. We spend a lot of time outside when we can. Yesterday, me and the boys spent about half an hour in our back yard running from one end to the other, just back and forwards to see who could win (most of the time we were all holding hands, so we all won together. LOL)

[dana_renay]

I don't get annoyed with children but I have found myself more annoyed with parents who treat their children like crap in public and have to wonder how they treat them at home. I personally expect a lot from my kids when we are out in public but as far as I'm concerned normal child behavior should be fine, especially if the parents are trying to handle it, and if one doesn't like it they should stay home.

Absolutely. Sadly, I see a lot more bad behavior from parents than I do from children.

[demigraf]

I agree with you too, Suja, on the athletics. I spent so much of my childhood overweight and averse to exercise that when I finally discovered the physical/mental benefits of it, it was seriously like a new religion to me. I totally regret not getting into at an earlier age.

The only thing I will hope to stay cautious of with Bodhi is the emphasis on team athletics. I think I felt too pushed at team sports as a kid, where I wasn't naturally as athletic or competitive as others. I was on basketball, volleyball, track & tennis team, but the fact that I was never good at winning soured me on physical activity in general. I'm very active today, but put me in a competition and I doubt I'd place in a single one. I hope Bodhi learns - much sooner than I did - that movement for movement sake can be a source of pleasure in life. And who doesn't want one extra way to be happy?

Speaking of this, I signed up for my first half marathon last week. I'm hoping to get pregnant soon, so I signed up for one coming up in mid September so I'm not training and pregnant at the same time. I'm looking forward to this. I "read" a lot of audiobooks when I'm training.

[Cosmosmom]

You know, I was thinking about this, and I would do exactly the opposite. While I wouldn't want my child to go to people who are pushy when it comes to athletics, I would definitely want him/her to go to people who are in general active and outdoorsy. IMO, that lends itself to a healthier lifestyle in general, and I absolutely detest that most of the kids I know don't even know what the great outdoors is, and can't walk a couple of miles to save their lives (without moaning and groaning).
.

Well I haven't noticed that the handfull of those online have gotten matched any faster really. One couple in my group is online and is still waiting too. I have thought about it but it would involve a bunch of paperwork and writing up more stuff and selecting more pictures...it's not like they just scan what we have already done. But still definitely an option if I start to get really antsy.

Well really the outdoorsy/athletic thing was just an example. I mean if I trip over my own feet and am not all the coordinated (and really my family is NOT atheletically inclined), I would expect that might pass down genetically. It is sometimes very hard for adopted kids to feel like they fit in and i woudn't want to make it worse by picking a family that is the exact opposite of me.
Now a family that into music...that would appeal to me (or even art...even though I'm not artistic, that is definitely in our family as most are)....I was in orchestra for more than 10 years and was pretty decent at it.
I would want my kid to be the first in the family and get all the attention of a first child....but someone else might want older siblings for theirs. I would avoid a family with cats as DH is very allergic but would want dogs as we love dogs.
If someone wanted their kid to be going hunting with dad...that is not the match for us. But if they wanted their kid to get to travel and go places like Disneyworld....that is us.
Really the thing is that every single person is going to want something different and connect to something different. Since we will most likely be forever in each other's lives, it's best to get a compatible match.

I don't dislike the outdoors but I don't like being overly hot and sweaty or dealing with bugs. and I will like my own yard better once we finally get the grass in decent shape. We do walk the neighborhood sometimes....one thing I really liked was our subdivision has sidewalks....well at least the lots that have houses do. Definitely one where you see kids outside...just hopefully a few more babies come along when my does so they can play together. Still quite a few in strollers.....

[demigraf]

Jennifer, I like how you put yourselves in the shoes of the birth mother and imagine her thought processes in choosing an adoptive family. I'm sure you've had far more time to think about this than just about any of us in here.

Speaking of choosing a family for your child, DH & I decided long ago that we would want his sister to be named guardian if something ever happened to us. She's has a son 2 wks older than Bodhi, plus a daughter starting 1st grade this year. She's a very good mother, and they have a beautiful piece of land in MA that I'd love to see any kid grow up on. They lease part of it out as a flower farm. Although we've made a verbal/e-mail agreement about this with his sister & her husband years ago, and my own side of the family knows the decision, we don't have a will yet that sets this in stone. I've been meaning to create one.

DH & I left B with my parents while we saw a movie last Saturday, and - maybe it was because people drive so fast in the Palm Desert, or maybe it's because there was a lot of carnage in the Batman movie - but it just lit a fire under me have a will. I've been meaning to do this since Bodhi was born.

I feel sort of guilty because if we passed away today, there could be an ugly legal challenge for custody of Bodhi. From the little research I've done so far, we have a choice between each making an individual will, a single joint will, and two mutual wills that have identical provisions. I guess I'm leaning toward mutual wills from everything I've read about, but admit I haven't thought through all the pros and cons, which vary from state to state/country to country. I understand there are some scenarios where one type of will is better. For example if one of us passes away and the other remarries before passing away, even if Bodhi was named sole heir, the new spouse could legally challenge that in one type of will but not another. I'm also thinking of a DIY will rather than having a lawyer take care of it for us. Not a pleasant thing to think about, and it seems so straightforward now that Bodhi inherits everything, but I think we owe it to him and each other to do this thoughtfully, and it's most important for the sake of making Bodhi's guardianship decision official. If you guys have any pointers on getting through this process, please share.

[Cosmosmom]

Yeah we have definitely thought about it a lot! Especially when deciding to go for it. At first you think, I'm not perfect and super cool so who would pick me....but than we realized that we would pick a family like us. LOL

I would almost say if you are thinking of more complex will, see a lawyer. I finally got my bff to do that last year...she's got two kids and I could easily see both sides fighting it out. they did see a lawyer and set up a living will, trust, guardians....the works. I know that she named a family member on his side to be guardian but I was named the person to be in charge of the finances.

We don't have one but will set something up once there is a baby. Even though everyone knows my sister gets any kids or dogs we have. She gets along great with my MIL and would make sure that she was always a close grandma. We will probably do a DIY but really only because it would be a very simple one.

[girlwonder]

I you can afford it, I would just get an attorney to draw one up. He/she will ask all the questions that need asking and then make it water tight. They can also tell you what kind of will is best and what to think about when you are making those decisions. We got ours done it cost $600. Lots of money, but you really only have to do things once (unless you add another child, but that is easily fixed.

[Bridget]

We need to do this too.

[AmeriBrit]

We have a will, but we have not added guardianship of the kids in to it yet. We've talked.
about it, though, and ours would go to my SIL first and my sister second.

We're watching some Olympics and I have to say that I hate the British attitude when it comes to sports. They give up too soon. Like, there'll be 30 seconds left in a basketball game and the GB team will be down 3 points and the announcers will be all like, "Oh, well, we tried." The American spirit in me shouts, "No, fight til you die!"

[AmeriBrit]

double post

[Bridget]

We have a will, but we have not added guardianship of the kids in to it yet. We've talked.
about it, though, and ours would go to my SIL first and my sister second.

We're watching some Olympics and I have to say that I hate the British attitude when it comes to sports. They give up too soon. Like, there'll be 30 seconds left in a basketball game and the GB team will be down 3 points and the announcers will be all like, "Oh, well, we tried." The American spirit in me shouts, "No, fight til you die!"

That made me laugh!

[Suja]

Our financial planner has been on our case about the will thing FOREVER. We'll need to setup a trust; just haven't gotten around to it yet. Mira will go to SIL's family (the same one whose kids I complained about earlier). She loves them, they love her, and Mira absolutely, positively adores her "brothers" (cousins, really), and they are gentle and protective of her. They're good people. We have differences in our lifestyles and priorities - they're more homesy, Disneyworld kinda folks, we're more outdoorsy, Yellowstone kind of people - but on the really important stuff, we agree.

I kinda felt bad watching elite athletes and thinking this way, but did anyone check out the American synchronized diving duo? One of the men was... ummm... packing

[missychrissy]

Like, Chrissy I think it seems like you have a balance with Conner because I know he loves his games but you get him outside too. I know when mine start school they will be exposed to more technology and I am cautiously ok with that and feel confident that I've instilled a love of the outdoors during their very young years.

I think we have a good balance too. Yes, he can spend hours either playing his games or researching how to beat a level by watching related youtube videos, but he can just as easily spend hours outside 'torturing' crayfish (did I tell you that story? ) or romping around outside. He's very inquisitive about the outdoors and loves exploring. I allowed him to lead the way at a park we don't often visit, and he "found" a trail just off the grassy area. He was fist pumping and going "YES! I found it! I found the shortcut!" He was so excited to see where that trail went.

I agree too about feeling more irritated with the parent than any child I've seen acting up out in public. I try to be kind-I've been there-but some parents are truly awful in how they respond (or don't respond) to their kids.

Jennifer, I've never wanted to just give someone a baby so bad in my life. I'm glad you're in an ok-to-wait place. I might be a little more anxious for your sake than you are right now, but that's what friends are for.

[Suja]

Myles, that's awesome about your job. I love that too...struggling with a problem and then resolving it. I think I can remember every time when I couldn't find a solution. They stick.

Ash. It does get better. I don't know if returned to school will solve it, but kids seem to go through one aggravating phase after another. He'll be on to something else soon enough.

DH loses a lot of sleep over this sort of problem solving. You'll sometimes see him jump up in the middle of the night and start typing furiously. And letting out little joyful yells. It would be cute if it weren't happening at some ungodly hour when you're trying to get some sleep.

Chrissy, I know exactly what you mean about the aggravating phases. Mira has moved on from the 'Just say NO!' phase to the 'Whine over everything and get your feelings hurt ALL the time' phase. Lately, she's taken to asking me 'Mama, are you happy?' when I'm mad or sad or ptherwise in the best of moods, and if I say no, here comes the quivering lips and the waterworks!

NOTE: I meant to post this earlier, but it got stuck in the iPad.

[demigraf]

Our financial planner has been on our case about the will thing FOREVER. We'll need to setup a trust; just haven't gotten around to it yet. Mira will go to SIL's family (the same one whose kids I complained about earlier). She loves them, they love her, and Mira absolutely, positively adores her "brothers" (cousins, really), and they are gentle and protective of her. They're good people. We have differences in our lifestyles and priorities - they're more homesy, Disneyworld kinda folks, we're more outdoorsy, Yellowstone kind of people - but on the really important stuff, we agree.

I kinda felt bad watching elite athletes and thinking this way, but did anyone check out the American synchronized diving duo? One of the men was... ummm... packing

LOL! Why, Miss Suja, I do believe you made me blush!

We should probably do a trust too. I mean, if we were to do it once and do it right, we'd do that right now. Lazy me is just thinking I should just do the DIY one now as a stopgap measure and then we'll get to all that other stuff. Doing it in pieces could turn into more work in the long run, but it won't be the first time I was inefficient about something. ;)

DH would never let me type and yell in the middle of the night, btw.

[Gwenn]

I agree with being annoyed with parents. I am rarely upset with kids, because they are kids - but I do expect parents to parent and not just let their kids do whatever they want while the parents are socializing and have no idea where they are or what they are doing. When I see that sort of thing, I have been known to make not-so-polite comments audibly to DH.

And Suja, yes, I did notice the diving team!

[Bridget]

Here is the conversation I just had with dbf because he exaggerates everything. And i mean every single thing he talks about he adds numbers, or makes it bigger, or longer, or better, or worse than it really was.

Him: i can't find the wasp nest and there are hundreds of them every time you go up or down the stairs.
Me: Are you sure there are hundreds? I only noticed a couple.
Him: Yes, hundreds. I killed five on my way down and saw 5 more on my way up but didn't have the fly swatter.
Me: So that's tens.
Him: Ok, well, you're missing the point.
Me: Nope, i got the point.
Him: Why are you beating me down right now?

LOL! As if!
Then I just have to bust out laughing.

[Gwenn]

I have to admit I like to overinflate numbers like that. Especially when it involves spiders, wasps, etc. So I can actually relate - he's making a point. Although it's not like me to defend him! LOL

[Bridget]

Lol! I know, you said almost exactly what he says. I'm just making my point! And I get that, really I do it too but this man. Everything. He will work on cleaning the garage for 2 hours and than say he was cleaning the garage all day. Even the kids are like, "No! You weren't doing that all day! Only in the morning! And he says oh you know what I mean. I have to give him a hard time. Have to.

[Gwenn]

Too funny!

[dana_renay]

Lol. I'm going to use that next time DH points out an exaggeration. "Why are you beating me down right now?!"

[Bridget]

I know! I about died. Drama queen!

[3andMe]

DH says I exaggerate all the time, too. I point out that during the time he's talking, I'm just listening, so he must be exaggerating. He just like to beat me down.

I have learned to be more specific and precise when he raises his eyebrow at me. He is very good at raising one eyebrow at me, and if he is really trying to make a point, he can lower that one and then raise the other one. I find it very sexy and amusing at the same time. Man, I love a good singular eyebrow raise.

[Suja]

DH does that too, and it annoys me no end. He'll inflate/deflate as is convenient, and with every telling of whatever he's carrying on about, the numbers will change. I just shake my head (which drives him crazy, so at least we're even).

[missychrissy]

DH says I exaggerate all the time, too. I point out that during the time he's talking, I'm just listening, so he must be exaggerating. He just like to beat me down.

I have learned to be more specific and precise when he raises his eyebrow at me. He is very good at raising one eyebrow at me, and if he is really trying to make a point, he can lower that one and then raise the other one. I find it very sexy and amusing at the same time. Man, I love a good singular eyebrow raise.

ooo-la-la!!

Bridget-that's too funny! I'm glad he can amuse you sometimes, even if he doesn't appreciate it! Did you show him the amount-of-time-with-the-kids log yet? How did that go?

[missychrissy]

I'm back to not sleeping again. I remember vividly going through this last year. I don't know what my problem is but it's getting so frustrating. I'm terrified of getting exhausted again and missing work. I took a sleeping pill but it hasn't helped. I don't dare take another one.

Work is crazy busy. This is by far the busiest office I've ever worked in in my life. I have virtually no time to peek in here during the day. Not only have I missed lunch & carried the on-call phone in the bathroom with me, but I've held said phone during my lunch while my coworker himself went pee (he wasn't available when I had to take it potty with me). My manager (Faye) kinda pushed back to the boss lady and said she's overpromised us and she needs to stop now.

I don't mind being busy, but I do want my break. Or more $ and make me salary. I do worry about what we're going to do if we get an emergency because every single one of us are working on HUGE projects that have imminent deadlines. I have to have the training room completed by Friday. They have a training session scheduled Monday morning. Of course. If 'something' goes wrong and I can't finish set-up/testing tomorrow, it's going to be cutting it scary close for me.

[Cosmosmom]

Jennifer, I've never wanted to just give someone a baby so bad in my life. I'm glad you're in an ok-to-wait place. I might be a little more anxious for your sake than you are right now, but that's what friends are for.

Aww Chrissy.

I do get antsy at times but than I just research something baby related or go buy something. My latest is the first five cloth diapers. Dh has really taught me patience and if I'm patient, I have found that I always get what I really want. The man made me wait 5 years to get married...we had a 3 yr engagement. Most cars we have bought have been about two years of looking and waiting. And it took about 5-6 years to get a house...but when I got it, I got basically my dream house.


Suja, I'm definitely a DW kind of person or going to cities and seeing tourist attractions/museums/historical things that sort of thing. But I would go to Yellowstone....I would not camp though but stay in a lodge or hotel or something. ;) Dh grew up camping and doing more outdoors stuff than I did by far....and well his area of study in college was geology. But given the choice between camping or staying at a nice hotel, he now prefers the hotel.

[Cosmosmom]

I have to admit I like to overinflate numbers like that. Especially when it involves spiders, wasps, etc. So I can actually relate - he's making a point. Although it's not like me to defend him! LOL

LOL me too. I might not have stopped at hundreds and might went for millions or more.

[Suja]

I have family in Jacksonville, and the plan is that when Mira gets old enough to want to go to Disney, we'll go visit my cousin, and DH can take her, while I stay back. The thought of a bazillion people crammed into an overpriced amusement park to gawk at grown ups dressed as cartoon characters - that just makes my teeth itch. Mind you, I love, love, love, LOVE New York, and am so glad we live so close to all the Smithsonian museums, The Kennedy Center, Library of Congress, etc. Given the choice between some place with lots of people and some place with none, I'd always opt for the latter, though.

All that said, we probably won't be camping for a while. Unless we do some sort of organized campsite with good facilities. It isn't a particularly practical thing to do backcountry camping with a toddler. I'm just not that organized. I would love to go back to Monongahela. It was spectacularly beautiful when we were there last, and I want to find some of the warm streams and otter rich area so we could just go and hang out. DD's school is closed for the last week of August... I wonder if we could do something like that (DH won't be around, though).

[Suja]

I'm looking for ideas, and finding some nice ones. I had NO idea that this thing existed, for instance: http://www.fairfaxcounty.gov/parks/rec/watermine/. We'll go on a weekday to avoid the crowds, and I'm sure Mira will love it.