Secular Confessions

[missychrissy]

Ash, sorry about the cold. I think it's a good idea to start a food diary and discuss things with his dr. It's likely nothing, but it's best to have it checked.

Happy 4th Birthday Gilly!!

I really think your dbf is being ridiculous Bridget. I tried seeing things from his point of view because I don't like being that friend that ALWAYS thinks her friend is right 100% of the time, but I just can't see it. imo, for whatever it's worth, he's delusional if he thinks in any way you did anything wrong in this. Just my opinion of course.

I went away overnight & had a good time.

[AmeriBrit]

You went away overnight, Chrissy? Deeeetails, please. LOL.

I downloaded one of those Fitness Pal things for my phone, so I'm writing down everything that Cash is eating. I feel like I'm obsessed with it now. LOL. The poor little guy has still got the runs.

OMG, you guys, last night DH and I had one of those like little spats and we are not ones to ever have even like a little disagreement. LOL. It was crazy. He lost his temper because I put some juice on the floor and he walked in to the room and knocked it over because he wasn't watching where he was going, so he just started spitting out profanities, so I was like, 'dude, it's just juice,' and he kept saying how ridiculous it was that I had put some juice on the floor. I also had a bag of raisins in my hand, so I through them across the room and said, 'You are ridiculous!' and went straight to bed and didn't talk to him this morning. LOL. I'd say that a fight like that, once in 10 years ain't too bad. He was really sorry for his attitude. But I told him he seriously needs to keep that temper in check; he's so laid back most of the time but I think he just keeps lots of stuff bottled up so something little like that causes him to lose it.

[Bridget]

Aw, Ash. Sorry you guys had a spat. Every now and then is not so bad. I sure wish they were more rare around here. I feel like I never get my point across because if I get upset with him about something he just turns it around and gets mad at me for being mad. Classic manipulative behavior and very exhausting.

Now we are a little united in annoyance at our neighbor though. She is relentless in her constant need for things and also just sort of overbearing in general and another one of those non-listeners. I think I have told you guys before how I will pretend I am on my phone sometimes if I need to go into the yard and she is outside because she will always vent to me about whatever recent drama she has going on in her life.
Today her and her new boyfriend along with her teenaged son and friend took their boat out. Dbf had just started a poker tournament. He in a situation now where he is playing with someone else's money, essentially working for someone so even if he wanted (which he wouldn't because either way, it's money invested) he couldn't get up and leave the game. Well she calls and says she's stranded and will he come and get him. I heard him telling her no that he was really sorry and explain what he was doing and that he can't just get up and leave and it's essentially his job right now. She continued to call back 4 more times basically saying that she had no one else and he had to come. We were so annoyed! I'd have gone but I do not know how to drive either of our boats (we have a pontoon and a little fishing boat) both of which are quirky as dbf does all work himself and mcguyver's a lot of things. So my going wasn't an option either. The thing is we have stalled on the water before and we have always just waitied until someone goes by and flag them down, knowing that if worst case scenario we would call the dnr/police to tow us in. We wouldn't dream of calling her or anyone really to tow us in unless we had a really close friend that we knew wasn't busy. I have a hard time understanding people who have no problem imposing on others. he was clear the first time that he couldn't help, you know? I don't know. I am admittedly grouchy and she rubbed me the wrong way already once today when I was coming inside with Sawyer who was crying and she started venting to me about something. Not sure what since I could not hear her with Sawyer screaming in my ear. I said, "I have to get this baby to bed" and she just kept talking lol! She is one of those people who will keep going even when you walk away!

[missychrissy]

Ugh-that's just flat out rude of her to expect your dbf to drop everything to come help her like that. You're right, she did have other resources. I don't understand people like that either.

[missychrissy]

Oh, and Ash, I'm sorry you two had a little spat but I had to chuckle a little when you said you tossed the bag of raisins. That just doesn't sound like you! What a little spitfire you are.

[AmeriBrit]

LOL, yes, I know. I'm usually pretty good about holding it together, but I'd had enough of his attitude that day, so the raisins just had to be thrown. Hehehe. After I threw the raisins, I went to my bedroom, stared out the window for a bit, calmed down and started tidying up. He came in and said sorry and I just ignored him the rest of the night. He then apologized again the following day.

I've just got back from spending a couple of hours at school with Travis; they have 2 open days every year for the parents to experience what a school morning is like for the kids, so I went along. It was great seeing how much he loves being there and seeing him learning. They did some simple adding like 4+3 and danced around singing about numbers. Then, before I left because they are talking about vacations as their topic, they got to make a jam sandwich for a picnic. Travis goes from 2.5 days to the full 5 days a week schooling in September. I'm sure he's going to adjust just fine. How's everyone else's LO's doing with school/pre-school?

[missychrissy]

Aww, that's so sweet! I bet Travis loved having you there too.

Conner isn't in school at all yet, but I think he's ready. And despite the fact that he protests whenever we bring it up, I can tell he's a little excited about starting Kindergarten. I think he's going to love it.

[Bridget]

Kai does great but he does it at home so it's quite easy! He thinks it's grand he has friends come every day! I am nervous for him to start kindy as he still feels so baby-ish to me but he is very smart and I think he will thrive once he adjusts. I just know he will be very scared at first and I hate thinking about him being scared.

[3andMe]

DD is super-excited about starting kindergarten. DS, not so much, but I don't think he's scared. I'm not worried at all about the academic part, but more about the other stuff.

I've been a little worried (about DS in particular) because they still aren't great about sitting still, or doing things when asked, etc., but after going to their preschool graduation I feel much better about them. I saw them next to their peers, all of whom were going to kindergarten also, and I think they were mostly older. The twins are going to be some of the youngest in their class, because red-shirting is pretty common around here. Anyway, through the hour-long ceremony and the songs they sang, they did really well. They sat when they were supposed to, they stood when they were supposed to, they sang their songs, they listened politely to the long rambling speech of the director without looking around too much. They stood up and said their names and what they wanted to be when they grew up (scientist and nurse) when they were supposed to, right on time and in order. They got their diplomas and threw their hats in the air.

Some of the other kids did that. The one who wanted to be a doctor was very poised. But some of them were too busy examining the ants on the playground to stand up and say their names. And some burst into tears and had to run to their parents during a song. And some just got distracted and started playing with stuff. A few kids were able to say what they wanted to be, but were hopping up and down the whole time and were barely understandable. When the director was talking, a lot of the kids just started talking amongst themselves.

So, I would have said my children would have fallen into one of those categories. Probably not the crying one, but certainly not paying attention, or looking at ants, or playing with stuff, or at least talking while someone else was talking. I was pleasantly surprised that they were able to put on a good show, AND that all of the other kids who were older than they were seemed to be approximately at their level for attention and behavior. And I have much higher hopes for kindergarten, particularly for DS. Sometimes it really helps to spend more time with kids in the same age group.

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Ash, I also had a very amusing mental picture of you during your fight. I'm sure you had a very good raisin for it, but I'm sorry it had to get to that level.

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We had a unexpected dinner invitation from one of DH's co-workers on Saturday. Or at least it was unexpected for me. It's possible he knew about it ahead of time. Neither of us really knew what to expect, and he lives about 45 minutes away, one baby about Baby S's age. He's Persian, wife is Honduran. Some other people from DH's work were coming, who didn't have kids. I said, "Do they really know what they're in for?" I packed a space-saver high chair and some milk, and we drove out there. The twins fell asleep on the way. It was far enough away that we drove past fields of cows and windmills.

It was AWESOME! It was a wonderful house, with a layout that had a big back yard and patio with all kinds of ride-on toys, water table and bubble toys and a spacious living room with an additional storage cabinet full of new toys for them to play with. There were big windows where you could see the kids playing outside or inside from anywhere the adults might want to gather. The kitchen, dining area, and living room, were all within view of the play areas. The stairs were baby-gated off. The co-workers wife had trays of appetizers with cheese, grapes that were already cut in half, slices of bread, and other things that kids might like. They put sausages on the grill for the kids and they all sat at a little table on the patio to eat, with plates full of kid-friendly food. She had plenty of milk and extra sippy cups, and also offered me a high chair if I wanted it. Later on she gave the kids ice cream (after asking me) and S. dropped a big gob of it on the patio and she told me to just leave it and she'd hose the whole thing off later.

It was so relaxing. Her DH cooked steaks, and there was this entire magical dinner from salad to homemade rhubarb tartlets. We were able to sit down and relax and chat, and the children all played well together. Everyone gave them hugs as they were leaving and even Baby S. walked up to everyone and said, "Nice to meet you" as we left.

So last night we had a planned dinner party at my sister's house, with friends from out of town and their 7-year-old. I couldn't help but compare the two, as my BIL starts fretting about the kids "leveling the house" and I assured him my DH was in there with them so I could finish my dinner out on the deck while holding a squirming S. on my lap. And I asked him if he was really serious about worrying the kids would level the house, and he said that DD was jumping down the stairs. Then S. spit out a bite of chocolate sorbet on the patio and everyone panicked about it so I had to stop eating my dessert and take him inside to wash him up and remove him from the dessert as everyone started scrubbing it up. I never did get to finish it. And my sister spent 15 minutes at the end of the evening on her hands and knees by the side of the couch, saying someone must have had dirt on their shoes when they came in.

[dana_renay]

Tell me if you think this is strange. Today is the 10th anniversary of my cousin's death. Mom posted a message about it on her Facebook wall, which was perfectly nice. What bothers me is that my cousin's immediate family is all Facebook friends with my mom and could see the message, and they haven't posted anything about it themselves. I kind of feel it's their place to post about it or not, and if they don't want to I don't want to rub their noses in a post about it. What do you all think?

I think everybody handles grief in their own way, and I was initially going to say there was nothing wrong with your mom remembering your cousin, nor with the rest of the family choosing not to be public about it. However, I read your update, and I will amend that to say it was ok, provided your mom wasn't doing it just to stir up drama.

I'm back in the apartment. Yay for ladders! The locksmith is no longer on the way. My dogs were completely unphased to see me appear over the deck railing. Now for the tough decision of whether or not to share this ditzy little mishap with my DH. I swear he keeps a list the stupid things I do in his back pocket at all times.

My mom one time locked herself out on the teeny tiny back deck of a house we'd just moved into. Luckily, she was out there to hang a blanket over the side to air out, so she used the old movie trope and escaped down the blanket.

Tee hee! Sorry for that! I could never look him in the face again lol.

So. The a/c is working. If the kids weren't so excited to see dbf, I'd still leave and go to my dads right now because i'm so upset with him. That was the plan anyway, that we'd stay there through the weekend since he has a/c and our was "broke". I talked to dbf about it at least 6 times and every time he said, "Totally up to you, baby. Whatever you decide is fine." So I called him today as he's on his way home and I asked him if we should go early and he could meet us or did he want us to wait. Suddenly he's all pissy about it saying that he really doesn't think it's fair for me to ask him to drive again after he gets home from such a long drive. In all fairness, he's been driving all day but I asked him several times if he wanted to do this! He's grouchy because him and his friend had drinks at the casino last night so he's hungover. Not my problem. Anyway, finally after he paints me to be a two headed monster for even suggesting he drive to my dad's when he gets home...he tells me to turn on our a/c and it will probably work fine as long as I turn it off at night for few hours and it doens't run 24/7. ARE YOU EFFING KIDDING ME???!!!! He fails to mention this to me over the past few days as I tell him we are eating/sleeping/living in the daycare?? I can't even wrap my head around the ridiculousness of the whole thing. I was so upset with him. Then he told me his battery was going to die and hung up on me! So I called back and he picked up the phone screaming, "My battery is going to die!! Did you not hear me??" I was like so what you weirdo. Is it going to self detonate? At which point he hung up on me again. Boy oh boy I can't WAIT to welcome home this ray of sunshine.

Dbf has just been sleeping, sleeping, sleeping since he came home. I honestly don't know whether to be pissed off or worried.

I don't know! They were drinking for sure but to bed early (his buddy is a retired old man and doesn't stay up late, just starts drinking early.) And it's 2 days later. I tried to speak to him about the way he was acting and he said I should let it go because he thinks I was the one being a jerk for "getting mad at him" and he let that go. Mmmhmm, he did. I didn't press further because that convo was going nowhere fast.

I am really kicking myself for not going friday night like originally planned. But now it's sunday and dad will be home this afternoon and likely need down time after a weekend with my brother's family. I let dbf convince me to stay by playing the "I've been gone and miss my family" card but he's been sleeping the whole time so what is the difference?

This is abusive. This is classic gaslighting. Bridget, I'm just a stranger on the internet, but with all due respect, you need to get mad. For your sake and the sake of your children. 'Cause this is not a good husband, or a good father who models healthy behavior for his children. You all deserve so much better.

[Suja]

It's early for that, but I'm not worried about Mira until she has to go to first grade. I know she'll do fine in her current school. I am worried that things will be so substantially different in the public school that she'll have a hard time adjusting. And after some of the nightmare stories I've heard about the bureaucracy and madness associated with the schools, I'm not sure I'd do so well. For instance, the vet that we use had to pull her son out of the public school because they were doing stupid $hit like writing him up for "destruction of property", at 5 years old. He broke two crayons. That his mom had bought for the entire class. I know I won't have tolerance for stuff like that.

L, I had to roll my eyes about the second dinner party. That's just idiotic, and stresses everyone out. Then again, maybe because we've had dogs for such a long time, I'm not house proud.

[dana_renay]

Oh - did anybody else see this link? Mormons Quit Church in Mass Resignation Ceremony
A long time ago I talked in this room about the process of "unbecoming" a fundamentalist christian. At the time, I definitely would have liked to be part of a ceremony like this. One of the things that was hardest for me, and something I still sometimes miss, was the feeling of "ritual" to attach meaning/weight to certain events.

[Cosmosmom]

I think it's hard to be a kid friendly home when there aren't kids living there. Even though we have two dogs, we are pretty house proud. We rarely wear shoes on the carpet and if it's muddy the dogs don't go out or if they do, they get feet wiped when they come in.
We try to keep it in good shape....but seeing as we also had a puppy, we have some good carpet cleaner! I would be irritated with a kid spilling in the living room but in the dining room or outside where things can be wiped up or hosed down, no big deal.
I think that there has been only 3 times in two years I have had kids in my house. I do try to keep some supplies like crayons and paper....but the kids are older and are more into playing the Wii. Only one was a toddler and she was just interested in my dogs.

Bridget, I have to admit that I prefer to have DH home even if I am just sleeping. There is something about knowing your family is there close by.

[missychrissy]

My experience has always been that kids behave better elsewhere, away from their parents, than they do at home. I'm not surprised yours did so well L. And what a marvelous time at the dinner party! It sounds heavenly & must have been a very relaxing event for you. How ironic to compare that atmosphere with your own family's though.

[Ky'sMom]

My experience has always been that kids behave better elsewhere, away from their parents, than they do at home. I'm not surprised yours did so well L. And what a marvelous time at the dinner party! It sounds heavenly & must have been a very relaxing event for you. How ironic to compare that atmosphere with your own family's though.

I agree about kids behaving better elsewhere versus at home. Also it is great you had such a good time at the diner party L! It is too bad if these sorts of dinner parties are rare experiences. Maybe I am kind of weird, but I only go to kid friendly dinner parties most of the time. It helps though that kids outnumber adults in our families, both DH and mine, and so they are always welcome and most of the aunts/uncles and grandparents think everything the kids do are cute or sweet or funny and mischievous and everyone always helps out and usually we don't have issues with non-childproof environments. Most of my friends as well have kids and have child friendly parties and since they have kids they know what kids like and don't have breakables around. The worse things we deal with are kids disputes/arguments at dinner parties. It would be so stressful if our family weren't as loving about kids as they are.

And honestly, from how you describe C and R, they seem rather mature and sweet kids. I have never known a 5 or 6 year old to be able to sit still and pay attention. I think they'll both do great in kindergarten and it will probably be so fun and exciting for both of them. Ky loved kindergarten and still speaks fondly of his teachers and how much fun he had with his friends and he was always getting spoken to about various little things. His teacher was wonderful though and she did see kindergarten as sort of classroom training for the upper grades. She also was very cognizant of child development (which teachers should be but unfortunately it seems some are not) and very little that any child did was odd to her and she had some kids that made me raise my eyebrows and I'm not one to do that over children usually.

And Suja I wouldn't send my kid to a school where breaking a crayon would equal "destruction of property" either. I would probably laugh in their faces. They would sooooo not like Elle. As soon as she gets a crayon, she pulls off all the paper and breaks it in either half or in thirds. She is weird with crayons. I started getting her markers and she was given some as a gift after our last washable set dried out. She has gotten into coloring herself. Last week she actually used a orange one and did "makeup" - used it like eye shadow, she used a red one as nail polish and blush. It was pretty hilarious and she looked like a clown, but I found out there were permanent and it wouldn't come completely off for a few days so she looked like a clown for a while.

Yesterday she decided to draw pictures on her carpet in her room. She actually got into a drawer, via DH's step stool he left out and got the markers (they are not within her reach) and wrote all over the place with them so I had to throw them away since I cannot trust her to not draw on things with them, besides paper. She is really sneaky and I worry when she is older that she will get the best of me. I hadn't thought to look in that drawer in a while and I don't know when she got them out. I think she did it while we were asleep.
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On another note, my van got stolen yesterday. We went to a city pool because it was 105 degrees and thought it'd be nice to go to the pool and cool off without having to pump up our AC. It is free to go to the pool here if it gets over 101 degrees.

While I was in the pool, I saw a van that looked like mine (and later found out was mine) drive past and I said, "hey that looks like my van." DH said the rims were too shiny and that I didn't clean them that well and hadn't washed them in a while and my van was dirty. Of course found out it was my van and I am kind of POd that he put a doubt in my mind that it wasn't since there was a police officer on duty at the pool and I could have told her that my van was stolen and they could have found it sooner. Luckily, they found it this morning and there is minimal damage but there is a huge dent/scratch on the passenger side sliding door and they may total it out because of that because it is so bad. A tire was also busted, which was messed up since I just bought 4 brand new tires about a month ago and got a good deal only $350 for 4 tires and I was really excited about that and the van had been running really good since I got the tires and some other work done on it recently.

DH is excited that we may get to get another van though or at least get a decent check for the damage. My van isn't worth that much but it is worth more than I thought even with the high mileage so I am hoping to get $2K for the damage if it isn't totaled but we'll see. I hate car shopping though and would rather just get it fixed than buy a new van.

Erin

[dana_renay]

Erin - That stinks about your van! It's fortunate that they found it and it was still somewhat operable. Still, it will be a pain to deal with insurance and then get it fixed or get a new one or whatever has to happen. Criminals are so inconsiderate!

[Gwenn]

Erin, I'm glad they found your van, at least. What a mess, though. Good luck dealing with the situation.

[missychrissy]

Oh my goodness Erin! I'd lose my sh!t if someone stole my car! I'd also be irked at dh for saying it wasn't ours.

[Bridget]

I can't believe your van got stolen! How did you guys get home? What the hell did they steal it for just to leave it on the side of the road?

Destruction of property for breaking crayons??? That is pure craziness. I used to take care of this little girl who was the most aggressive colorer ever. She would press so hard that she'd snap the crayon in two!

L, I forgot, your sister does not have kids? It would drive me crazy if people acted like that and I would not want to return to their home. I suppose that's not easy when it is your sister. You would think instead of yammering on about what the kids were doing, he could have went and redirected them so you could eat.

Jennifer, I know what you mean about wanting your family around even when you are sleeping, just knowing they are there. But I can't help feel a little resentful that he was gone for 3 days leaving me with the our 3 kids 24/7 and then comes home and sleeps for an additional day. I feel less resentment about the fact that he doesn't step up to give me a breather and more angry that my sweet kids missed their daddy and he comes home and sleeps instead of spending time with them. They are hurt by that.

[missychrissy]

It's early for that, but I'm not worried about Mira until she has to go to first grade. I know she'll do fine in her current school. I am worried that things will be so substantially different in the public school that she'll have a hard time adjusting. And after some of the nightmare stories I've heard about the bureaucracy and madness associated with the schools, I'm not sure I'd do so well. For instance, the vet that we use had to pull her son out of the public school because they were doing stupid $hit like writing him up for "destruction of property", at 5 years old. He broke two crayons. That his mom had bought for the entire class. I know I won't have tolerance for stuff like that.

Uh, yeah. I'd be that teacher's worse nightmare. Something that stupid might cause me to bust all the crayons in sight, right in front of her.

[Cosmosmom]

On the crayon thing....I could see it in this circumstance, kid is breaking crayons on purpose. (and not a 2 yr old but a 5-6 yr old in K). Teacher says Johnny stop breaking those crayons. Kid looks at teacher with that naughty look (the kid version of an f u look...you all know what I'm talking about right?) and breaks more crayons. Not so much about the crayons but the total disrespect.

Erin that is crazy about your van! I'm sorry that you have to deal with that.

Bridget, well I hope that he's done sleeping by now!

I don't know, I would have a hard time I think redirecting someone else's kids even in my house. It's just feels like one of those lines you don't cross. I don't think that I would with even my Bff's kids...but last time they were over her oldest is 8 and likes to visit with the adults and the 15 month old was too busy walking around clapping at my puppy. I don't feel like my house is kid proof but she actually thought it was pretty well. The one thing that would bother me would be messes on the carpet but we just didn't eat in the living room so no worries about that.
Really I think that I would only feel comfortable being that hands on with my sister's baby when she haves one (and I cannot wait for her to be ready for a baby...hopefully in maybe a year!). Anyone else's though I think that I would probably only say something if they were about to do something really bad/dangerous....or if they were not being nice to my dogs.
Oh I would say something to my cousins too...but they are now 8 and 10.

[Bridget]

Well, when I say redirect, I don't mean scold. I'd do it in a heartbeat to let a mama finish her meal. "Hey, look at this book!" When family and friends come to my house I tell their kids my rules. Otherwise, how could I expect them to know? When my cousins were here I reminded them more than once that we only eat in our kitchen or outside and it wasn't in a scolding or upset way at all, just oh hey you probably didn't know this but...

I told dbf if he doesn't discuss with me wth is going on and why he is so grouchy and rude that there is only going to be one discussion left to have and that is going to be if I am leaving or him. He was like, "I'm not allowed to be in a bad mood?" Um...no, not for going on four days here. Snap out of it or at least tell me what's up.

Omg my chatterbox non listener neighbor talked my ear off for 45 minutes this morning while I was outside with kids. GO AWAY. I don't even actively listen to her. I mean, I can't even if I want to. I have 6 children to look after and most of whom are conversating with me most of the time. She's totally oblivious.

[Ky'sMom]

I wouldn't even understand the destruction of property in the example you cite Jen. Kids do stuff like that all the time. A 5 or 6 year old is not mature enough to even understand the term "destruction of property." Property is a house or car or something valuable. You can get a box of crayons for 10 cents. If my kid breaks all the crayons and you want some more for the class, just let me know and I'll buy about 10 boxes of crayons. I stock up on them in July/Aug with the back to school sales and they are regularly $.10 a box at Target for Crayola Crayons, which are the only brand I buy since they are made in America.

And forgot to say we got home via a "courtesy ride" from the police officer on duty at the pool. She was a nice lady and it was very coincidental as I had heard that we had finally found a police officer to move into a house in our neighborhood that our community organization fixed up for that purpose, so we could have more of a community police presence here. I've mentioned our neighborhood is considered a bad neighborhood before but it is slowly getting better. And once again it is hilarious to me that my van was once again vandalized and this time stolen from a "good" neighborhood as we never have any problems at all in our "bad" neighborhood. But anyway, the officer at the pool was the one who moved into the house around the corner. So when I gave her my license and she saw the address, she said she would take us home. Elle thought it exciting that she got to ride in the back of a police car LOL!

Most cars here though are stolen by "joyriders" and it usually happens in the winter or summer. You all might not remember but last November my van was broken into when we went to a parent teacher conference (also not in my neighborhood) at Ky's school, which is in what is considered a decent part of the city. That was one of the coldest days of the year. Yesterday was the hottest day of the year and they figured that some teenagers at the pool just wanted to ride around in some air conditioning.

My mom had an Oldsmobile that was stolen on a regular basis. Six times that I can remember. Each time was just "joyriders" and they didn't do anything to the vehicle other than pop the steering column, ride it around for a few days and leave it somewhere. Usually most stolen cars are found within 24 to 48 hours with not a lot of damage. The adjuster still hasn't called me and ironically I was going to call today and switch my insurance because I was dissatisfied with the break in claim I had with Allstate so I have been checking around for new providers. I was going to give them another chance to keep my business but I don't think I will since I've already called the lady and she hasn't even called me back about the police finding the van as they will need to send someone out to look at it. They SOOOOOOO don't want me to get DH involved in this. He is so aggrivating when people don't do what he wants them to do and last time we had an insurance issue for one of our vehicles, when drunk driver totaled his parked car (his dream car at that an 88 monte carlo SS) he harrassed them into giving him $1K more than what he paid for the car, which was nearly $3K more than what the blue book value was.

Erin

[Cosmosmom]

Well, when I say redirect, I don't mean scold. I'd do it in a heartbeat to let a mama finish her meal. "Hey, look at this book!" When family and friends come to my house I tell their kids my rules. Otherwise, how could I expect them to know? When my cousins were here I reminded them more than once that we only eat in our kitchen or outside and it wasn't in a scolding or upset way at all, just oh hey you probably didn't know this but...

.

Yeah I wasn't thinking of it as scolding or punishing someone else's kids. But actually even redirecting....I just would NOT do that if the kids parents are there. I just feel like that is overstepping and it doesn't feel right. It would need to be kids that I know and know me and see on a regular basis.
Course I don't know that many people IRL with kids right now....just my BFF and I only see them once a year so am not THAT comfortable with them....the older one more so than the toddler. Or my cousins....and I would interact a lot more with them....but they are older and I usually see them at least 3 times a year.

I wonder if maybe things didn't go that good in Ohio? Four days is definitely too long for a bad mood without knowing the reason.

[Bridget]

He says everything went great. I am seriously wondering if being away from us makes him even more annoyed by us when he comes home? He is so short tempered with the kids and totally distracted when they try to talk to them. Sawyer has this habit of handing things to us all the time. Things we don't need, but even the children know to take it anyway and pretend to be thankful for it. Dbf will take it, say nothing, and then set it off to the side right away. It upsets Sawyer! I'm like, dude! Pretend it's useful! The baby is trying to be helpful and kind!

The one thing I am thinking it could be is that he is just worried about whether or not he will get the job. If he doens't...well I don't know what we will do but I have faith that between the two of us we can figure something out. He is very, very resourceful.

[AmeriBrit]

L, I laughed at your raisin, pun-nice one! That party with your DH's co-worker sounds great! And poo to your sister from being a grumpalump at her party. The only parties we go to now are ones thrown by our friends with kids. It makes life much easier and we all have so much more in common. The last party we went to that was not kid-friendly was at an expat Thanksgiving get-together with other people who had no kids, so I spent the whole time there making sure Cash wasn't taking things out of their fridge, turning on their dishwasher, or falling down the stairs. On the way home from that party, DH and I discussed how it's not really worth going to those type things with the kids. Oh, we do have these one friends as well, who do have one kid who is 6 now and they never child proof anything when we go to visit them, so it's a nightmare over there, too; we feel a little put out when they ask us to come over because, again, all we do is chase Cash away from breaking things or hurting himself. It's like they've forgotten what it's like to have young'ns!

Erin, sorry to hear about your van; my cousin just posted on FB that someone emptied her truck of its gasoline when they were staying in a motel on vacation. People are nuts. We've had lots of flooding lately and last week, the main road to our house was completely blocked for 3 days and someone in a minivan must have tried to make it through the water and then abandoned it half way through their journey, so the van sat on the side of the road for nearly a week. When we passed it last, it had had its windows broken out, so someone must have vandalized it.

[Gwenn]

I told dbf if he doesn't discuss with me wth is going on and why he is so grouchy and rude that there is only going to be one discussion left to have and that is going to be if I am leaving or him. He was like, "I'm not allowed to be in a bad mood?" Um...no, not for going on four days here. Snap out of it or at least tell me what's up

Good for you! I'm glad you said that.

I wouldn't even understand the destruction of property in the example you cite Jen. Kids do stuff like that all the time. A 5 or 6 year old is not mature enough to even understand the term "destruction of property." Property is a house or car or something valuable. You can get a box of crayons for 10 cents. If my kid breaks all the crayons and you want some more for the class, just let me know and I'll buy about 10 boxes of crayons. I stock up on them in July/Aug with the back to school sales and they are regularly $.10 a box at Target for Crayola Crayons, which are the only brand I buy since they are made in America.

Totally agree. Destruction of property? That's crazy. Besides, there's nothing wrong with a short crayon. It still works, and actually my OT friend tells parents to break their crayons in half because using the shorter crayon helps develop fine motor skills. She said all her crayons at home are broken in half.

Yeah I wasn't thinking of it as scolding or punishing someone else's kids. But actually even redirecting....I just would NOT do that if the kids parents are there. I just feel like that is overstepping and it doesn't feel right. It would need to be kids that I know and know me and see on a regular basis.
Course I don't know that many people IRL with kids right now....just my BFF and I only see them once a year so am not THAT comfortable with them....the older one more so than the toddler. Or my cousins....and I would interact a lot more with them....but they are older and I usually see them at least 3 times a year.

I don't see what the problem would be with stepping in and engaging a kid in a different activity. If you don't know them well, it's how you get to know them better, anyway. I see my friend's kids a few times a year and she has no problem with me doing that with her kids. Honestly, she's grateful to get a break. I would never discipline them, though. That's for the parents to do, unless for some reason I was left in charge.

[demigraf]

Ash, I know that it must have been very upsetting to fight with your DH, and he must have made you so mad, but I'm sorry - that story of you chucking the raisins at him was just too adorable. I feel for you, but mostly, I just felt like saying ... awwwww.

Erin, ugh about your van. I'm hoping it turns into a positive and they cut you a check that makes the hassle worth its while. I like vans (except the lifted one that's driven by a meanie down the street. We call him BA Baracus). DH & I still wouldn't mind getting one of those VW camper vans from the 90s. They are so handy for weekend trips, and they really hold up in value. One of our friends got one for something like $14,000 and turned around and sold it for something like $20k. Anyway, I hope the theft wasn't too much of a stress or headache for you. Tell your DH he needs to have his eyes checked. BTW, just like Bridget asked, how did you get home after that?

L, the first party sounds like a mother's dream. The second one with your sister sounds like a horror. She sounds incredibly self-centered. I'd cite that night as grounds for never accepting one of her invitations to her home again.

Breaking of crayons as destruction of property? That's absurd. If it was a write-up for insolence, they should have written it up as that. Now anyone who reads the child's record and sees "destruction of property" and doesn't read on will think he tossed the teacher's desk out the window. It's disproportionately harsh language to describe what the kid did.

Dana, wow. Well that's definitely a way to make a statement to your church that you've parted ways. One of the participants hit a point when she was quoted as saying that she wouldn't have had the courage to leave the church in any way other than the group. It's sad she felt that much pressure. "Among the reasons cited by those resigning are the church's political activism against gay marriage and doctrinal teachings that conflict with scientific findings or are perceived as racist or sexist...Others cite inconsistencies in the Mormons' explanation of its own history, including the practice of polygamy." I've never seen their doctrines firsthand, and have only read about their activism against gay marriage in the papers, but those sound like meaningful reasons to me if true.

[Gwenn]

I'm reading this book on personality types, and it's the weirdest thing! I totally recognized DH as one of the types, and the funniest part of it all is that it is not the type I would have thought he would be. Now I'm reading further, and it think I've found my sister, my aunt, and some of my coworkers, too. And, I keep thinking of some of you girls too under certain sections! Funny since I don't "know" you. Now I'm so interested to know if I'm right. It's based on the Myers-Briggs types (E/I, S/N, T/F, J/P). Oddly enough, in every case, even the "typical" career paths fit jobs that person has or has had, even in the case of my sister where the job she used to have was a surprise as i wouldn't have predicted that for her.

[Cosmosmom]

I don't see what the problem would be with stepping in and engaging a kid in a different activity. If you don't know them well, it's how you get to know them better, anyway. I see my friend's kids a few times a year and she has no problem with me doing that with her kids. Honestly, she's grateful to get a break. I would never discipline them, though. That's for the parents to do, unless for some reason I was left in charge.

Oh I don't think that it is a problem doing that. I just wouldn't expect someone (especially someone without kids) to do that. And I know that in a lot of cases, I would not be comfortable doing that. I know I'm good with kids...but not so comfortable with other people's kids (not like I have my own but the kids I used to babysit I considered mine in a way or my little cousins). I just think that is my personality.....I am shy around adults too until I have gotten to know them.

Maybe I am just weird though. I was at a cookout with a couple of other families from my adoption group. One has a 5 yr old and I talked to him a little bit (he was off playing a lot) but honestly I was more comfortable with the dog. And another couple has a 3 month old and while I wanted to hold him, it was kind strange too.