Secular Confessions

[MashedUp]

Chrissy, sorry Cramer has to have surgery, I hope he rebounds fast!

It saddens me that so many of you had such unpleasant childhoods. Aside from my parents fighting a lot, mine was very happy. All the drama/issues were between them and never taken out on us. My mother is my best friend and I can't imagine it any other way. I will say though, that she was abandoned by her own mother when she was 2 and raised by her amazing father and step mother. I think that early childhood trauma made her an even better mother herself, so maybe that explains why all of you are so awesome

[Smplyme89]

Happy Monday all!! I hope everyone had a fantastic weekend! Ours was so incredibly lazy, it was divine. Other than tearing the house apart to do our spray (it's that time of the year again, spiders, roaches, palmetto bugs, you name it!) we didn't do anything but watch t.v., play some gains, and laughed while a tropical storm passed us by

Chrissy I am so sorry about poor Cramer I am sure Rich must feel awful I am glad that Rich got the care credit! Surgery is so scary!! I am sure he’ll be fine though, the vets sound like they are a wonderful group of people
Katy I am so sorry for your loss

I have never read that book Katy, is this http://www.amazon.com/The-Four-Agree...our+agreements the one? I could really use a good uplifting read.

Mylah, no need to prep! Get to baby making

L, no worries about missing anything I post. Mostly just “Woah me” stuff here lately Plus I am the queen of going through gaps of having no idea what you ladies are talking about

Go G for putting his face in the water!! Sounds like he is doing great!!

I am glad that Abby seems to be feeling better and I hope it continues

On the screaming, I am not really sure how to answer that. I mean we would squeal and laugh and in general be a bit louder than usual, but full on screaming? No, I don’t think so. Screaming indicates something is wrong. Our next door neighbor has a little girl that screams all.the.time and it drives us insane. Although, that whole family yells/screams at each other daily, so I am not surprised. Can’t enjoy a nice day in my backyard without hearing them over the fence. Anytime we have a get together (BBQ or what have you) DH sets the radio up next to their privacy fence so we don’t have to listen to them

Jennifer congrats on the weight loss!!! I am at about the same, but have stalled Of course with the tropical storm coming through I STILL haven’t been able to walk AT ALL

Suja I still vote you look fantastic in that dress!!! HOT mama!!!

For the record it has taken me an hour and a half to catch up with you ladies

[Smplyme89]

Chrissy, sorry Cramer has to have surgery, I hope he rebounds fast!

It saddens me that so many of you had such unpleasant childhoods. Aside from my parents fighting a lot, mine was very happy. All the drama/issues were between them and never taken out on us. My mother is my best friend and I can't imagine it any other way. I will say though, that she was abandoned by her own mother when she was 2 and raised by her amazing father and step mother. I think that early childhood trauma made her an even better mother herself, so maybe that explains why all of you are so awesome

That is so sweet I agree that you are all some awesome mamas. I am a perpetual wanna-be awesome mama, I get props for trying right??

[Ky'sMom]

Oh forgot to mention. I let my kids scream like crazy outside! I have thought that maybe people will think they are in trouble, but I have loud kids. I have a loud family and Elle especially is pretty freaking loud and she screams about random things. Right now she screams everytime she sees a bug. She got stung by a wasp last week so she is now super screamy about bugs. Even gnats she will scream about and especially bees or mosquitos and flies.

We don't allow screaming in the house so when she is out, I don't care too much if she is screaming. It helps that if she is in trouble, she usually has a yell, instead of a scream, so I can tell the difference. Unfortunately, other people cannot tell and I have been asked if she is okay. Elle is also a great little actress, like her mom :-) And she can fool people into thinking something is wrong with her when there's nothing wrong.

Erin

[Suja]

I'm totally not an awesome mama. I try, but I think I'm missing the maternal instinct gene or something. Both last night, and the night before ended up with me yelling at Mira because she was still playing (at 10:00 PM, 2 hours after I put her in bed), and I had soooo much work to do that didn't get done, and I took that out on her. Not proud of that, but bedtime is often frustrating. Sleep has been her enemy for a loooong time, and that doesn't look like it's about to change.

Christina, stop hoarding all the icons! The rest of us want to use some too

And I don't know what to think of that report about the woman. When I first saw the headline, I thought maybe she's mentally ill or something, but it seems more like a personal vendetta sort of thing, singling out one child for mistreatment like that. I hope that poor kid gets whatever help she needs. I can't imagine how a 10 year old weighs about the same as your average 2 or 3 year old.

[Smplyme89]

Suja I think you are a fantastic mom and we all know I am an emoticon whore

[raspberry]

I am pretty quiet and was a quiet child, I know I was loud when I was with friends but I don't remember screaming. We lived a few miles out of town on a arge lproperty so I sure could have screamed all I wanted. I have the loudest child though. His little shrieks pierce the void. He makes this noise that I call his pterodactyl call. He was practicing it last night. Dude no need to practice, you've got it down pat. I was talking to G about school, when he realised he was going alone, he looked up at me "but mom I will miss you-what if I need a hug?" Oh my heart.

We're having a lot of rain with this storm out in the gulf. I sure hope it clears up by Saturday. G's birthday party will be a pool party-well we are hoping anyway!

[Ky'sMom]

Forgot to mention that I had a really serene weekend that was only punctuated by Elle deciding to poop in a bucket. It was Ky's beach/sandcastle bucket and for some reason she sat on it and pooped. It was pretty funny, but she did get in trouble. My little cousin was over yesterday and told me she wanted him to play with her and when he went upstairs he smelled poop and it looked like she had pooped in the bucket. I started to go upstairs and ask her if she pooped in a bucket and I saw her run like lightening and try to dump the poop in the toilet. It was pretty hilarious. DH and I got a good laugh about it after the fact. I figure she just wanted to look at it or something, I don't know.

She also doesn't like going to sleep at bedtime. Luckily she won't make too much of a ruckus, but she has nightlights and will do all sorts of playing with her dolls and stuffed animals and superheroes at night. I just let her since she doesn't come out of her room. She reads them stories too, which is cute. Last week, we read a story about Franklin the turtle who had a messy room and I commented her room was messy too and we would have to clean it on the weekend and she decided to clean it up that night. When I got her in the morning it was the most organized ever and I even went and bought her a new Spiderman for taking initiative. Then she poops in a bucket....kids...

Erin

[raspberry]

LOL! at poop in a bucket. That story will be a long time family story. I love those. When my family all gets together we laugh and talk about our family stories. When my niece was about 3 years old, she was spending the night with us. We were all in the living room watching a movie, when she walked out of the room into the hallway. We asked her what are you doing? "nothing, I am not doing nothing" well when she walked back into the living room it was clear she was doing something in her pants. Which she denied lol. Anyway to this day, we all say "nothing I am not doing nothing" that same niece turns 21 this week-ack!!!!

[Smplyme89]

That is such a cute story Erin

My parents still like to tell the story of me sticking my hand down the toilet, because I wanted to know where it went

[Ky'sMom]

I also have a similar story from when I was around 2.5 years old when I gave my dad a turd. He still cracks up about that because he didn't know what it was (he had been asleep when he was supposed to be watching me and my older brother, who was 3.5) and I said "here daddy" and gave him something and he kept asking me what it was, then he smelled it and said "EWWWWWW, IT'S SH*T!" lol! He loves telling that story and he tells it really well.

Erin

[Suja]

That's cute, Erin. Did you ask her what she was thinking?

BTW, I'd love to hear your accessory suggestions for my dress. I suck at it, and was thinking white sandals or ballet flats? Actually, I have a general question about organizing closets that I think I'll post in random.

When my cousin was a toddler (she's 12 years younger?), she told her mom that she was a big girl, and she could use the potty all by herself. Mama was happy to hear that. A day or two later, funk started emanating from her behindermostparts, and when mom checked, sure enough, she wasn't cleaning herself after using the toilet. When her mom asked, she said 'Ewww... there's poop down there. I'm not touching that!' Unfortunately, she grew up perpetually teased by her older brother (they've got an amazing relationship), and even the poop story doesn't faze her.

[missychrissy]

That is so sweet I agree that you are all some awesome mamas. I am a perpetual wanna-be awesome mama, I get props for trying right??

Uh, I'd say that's all I've ever been (and continue to be) is a wanna-be awesome mama. I heard a long time ago that the best moms always doubt themselves. I don't know if that's true or not, but I continue to doubt every decision I've ever made. I have great kids, but I credit them more than I do myself with that.

[missychrissy]

Erin about Ella! What will they think of next?

[Ky'sMom]

That's cute, Erin. Did you ask her what she was thinking?

BTW, I'd love to hear your accessory suggestions for my dress. I suck at it, and was thinking white sandals or ballet flats? Actually, I have a general question about organizing closets that I think I'll post in random.

I asked her and she said she didn't know. Which I expected, standard kid answer - I don't know.

I would go with some pearls for compliments to the dress. I love pears, I like a lot of old school/classic sort of fashion and accessories. I might even do chocolate pearls instead of white, because I like to pair oddball colors but that actually go together, pink and brown go well together. I wouldn't do white shoes, probably some cute brown wedge sandals for summer or some cute pumps that aren't too high (I don't wear heels over 2 inches).

Erin

[demigraf]

LOL! Erin, you had me at poop in a bucket. Seriously, how do you keep a straight face when they do something so adorably absurd? Do you even try to look stern? I think I try to pass myself off as "concerned", which is my usual face when I'm not quite sure what my next move is, but then since I'm also trying to choke back a giggle, I believe I end up looking a little constipated.

Christina, I second Katy's rec for "The Four Agreements", and you're right... that's the book in your link, btw. It is a super-fast read, and has the potential to change the way you look at everything. I also recommend his book, "The Mastery of Love", which has an excellent chapter on forgiveness.

I think you are all good mommas and wise women in general. Nobody's perfect, but I specifically come in here because I learn from all of you. Suja, I totally feel you on the night time frustrations. I remember someone in here saying that our kids' sleep difficulties bring out the worst in us, and that's so true. Let me know if you want to try the nerve-toning steps that Bodhi's naturopath recommended around his sleep issues, and I can share them with you. They seem to have helped the most around his naptime at preschool, but also there's been some improvement at night too.

Do you guys ever notice your kids getting really negative just before and right after sleep? It's fairly predictable that just as he's falling asleep, B starts mumbling how he doesn't like this, and he doesn't like that, and he never wants to see such-and-such again. It also happens sometimes when he's waking up too, especially if he woke up prematurely, only it's a little more primal and angry. There's back arching and uncontrollable crying that sometimes goes on for 20 minutes until he wakes himself up more. My hypothesis is that he's passing through a brain wave pattern, both into and out of sleep, that is really uncomfortable for him. It is a beautiful thing when he wakes up in a good mood and tells us he "had a good sleep". His naturopath mixed him a pellet remedy she made herself specifically to address this negativity. She told us not to start it until we've done the nerve-toning stuff she recommended, so we'll start with that soon, and will let you know how that goes.

On another topic, how do you guys talk to/plan to talk to your kids about guns? Guns have started to enter into B's play. I've mostly lived in cities my whole life, where people don't hunt or talk openly about owning guns, so I have a fear of them and associate them with violent criminals. Would love your advice on this one.

[missychrissy]

Guns aren't a big deal in our house. I mean, they are-obviously-but I never worried about my kids playing with them and they've all owned toy guns. They're for hunting. Period. We talk safety and stress A LOT about what to do if they ever come across one on their own. Conner has already adapted that bored, eye-rolling "I knnooowwww!" with me when I talk about how guns kill forever and that once it's done, it's done.

Since everyone I know in my entire world has always played with guns as children, I cannot be convinced they lead to violent behavior at all. It is likely Conner will go hunting with his dad. Jesi has and loves it. I don't view them as a form of protection and even though I lived with them, if someone had broken into our house getting a gun would have been my last thought...unless one were handy to use by swinging it like a baseball bat upside someones head. Ours are never, ever left unlocked or even loaded. Our cabinet is steal and bolted to the floor. No one is going to break the decorative glass on ours and hurt someone. They'd have to get serious and cut it open with a saw.

I've heard shooting at targets is a great stress reliever. Personally, I cannot see how 'cause the loud "BANG" would stress me out to no end, but if I lived in a metro area I think that's how I'd explain guns to my little kids.

[missychrissy]

Oh and Conner is definitely grumpy if not downright mean when he's tired. He'll be in the midst of picking on his sister (in a not funny way) and go right off to sleep nearly mid-sentence.

[Cosmosmom]

Chrissy, sorry Cramer has to have surgery, I hope he rebounds fast!

It saddens me that so many of you had such unpleasant childhoods. Aside from my parents fighting a lot, mine was very happy. All the drama/issues were between them and never taken out on us. My mother is my best friend and I can't imagine it any other way. I will say though, that she was abandoned by her own mother when she was 2 and raised by her amazing father and step mother. I think that early childhood trauma made her an even better mother herself, so maybe that explains why all of you are so awesome

I agree with this. I am so lucky to have had a pretty dang fantastic childhood with two parents who really wanted and loved us and made us/family priority. I have a few complaints and know my mom isn't quite perfect but when I can forget any small flaws when I think about her childhood....she witnessed her mom (that she loved a lot) being shot and killed at the age of 13 and pretty much ended up being like a mom to her 5 yr old sister. I think the world of my mom.

And Myles, you might be onto something about ticks and shade....being that a few years ago my yard was farm field, we have little shade. I do have some trees we put in but they are still young.

[AmeriBrit]

Could you ladies look at my thread on NM/MIG? http://americanpregnancy.org/forums/...ce-on-This-One!

Should I not be allowing Travis to be running around naked at the age of 4 outside the house anymore to help solve the problem?

[Cosmosmom]

Well probably not much help but my little puppy tends to get into the most trouble when she's tired. And will try to think that it's ok to mouth my hand and I when I say no and point at her, takes that as in invite to growl and do it more.
She does wake up in the morning super adorable and friendly though!

I also cannot buy clothes online....I have to try them on. Very much a pear shape.

And I hate the heat too. I would rather have below zero than upper 90's or 100's.

I hate guns with a passion. DH doesn't like guns at all either. It's going to be HARD because we live in a place where a lot of people hunt and there is a good chance that many homes our kid will play in will have guns. Yuck.
Guys at work asked DH where he likes to hunt (because they pretty much all do)....his reply was the local grocery store.

[Smplyme89]

Uh, I'd say that's all I've ever been (and continue to be) is a wanna-be awesome mama. I heard a long time ago that the best moms always doubt themselves. I don't know if that's true or not, but I continue to doubt every decision I've ever made. I have great kids, but I credit them more than I do myself with that.

Than I must be one h*ll of a fantastic mom since I doubt myself daily I told DH the same thing too when he started questioning his parenting. He doesn't know who his dad is, so he worries that he won't know how to be a good dad. That in of itself assures me he will continue to be an awesome dad

I would go with some pearls for compliments to the dress. I love pears, I like a lot of old school/classic sort of fashion and accessories. I might even do chocolate pearls instead of white, because I like to pair oddball colors but that actually go together, pink and brown go well together. I wouldn't do white shoes, probably some cute brown wedge sandals for summer or some cute pumps that aren't too high (I don't wear heels over 2 inches).

Erin

I think brown accesories would look great with that dress. I love browns though, so I might be a bit biased.

Christina, I second Katy's rec for "The Four Agreements", and you're right... that's the book in your link, btw. It is a super-fast read, and has the potential to change the way you look at everything. I also recommend his book, "The Mastery of Love", which has an excellent chapter on forgiveness.

On another topic, how do you guys talk to/plan to talk to your kids about guns? Guns have started to enter into B's play. I've mostly lived in cities my whole life, where people don't hunt or talk openly about owning guns, so I have a fear of them and associate them with violent criminals. Would love your advice on this one.

Thanks I will check it out!

I am not a fan of toy guns, but that is just me. To me a gun is not something that should be a toy, I am so not on the band wagon that toy guns make violent people. That's ridiculous.

[Suja]

I would go with some pearls for compliments to the dress. I love pears, I like a lot of old school/classic sort of fashion and accessories. I might even do chocolate pearls instead of white, because I like to pair oddball colors but that actually go together, pink and brown go well together. I wouldn't do white shoes, probably some cute brown wedge sandals for summer or some cute pumps that aren't too high (I don't wear heels over 2 inches).
Erin

I like browns and greys with pink, and earth tones go well with my skin color. I'm going to try that out. When I finally acquire a slip, and wear that dress properly accessorized, I'll post a pic.

I'm not sure about the gun thing. I would place emphasis on guns being used for hunting, but that's about it. I have friends that hunt, and wouldn't have any problems with Mira learning how to handle one correctly, but I'm definitely not allowing one into the house.

[3andMe]

Suja, loved the dress! It looks awesome on you.

Ash, I can tell you that Baby S. never runs around naked but for some strange reason we had a playdate with another APA mama and her daughter and I was in the middle of changing his diaper and he broke free from me, charged over to her, waggled his little thang at her, and said proudly, "Look at my pe*is! Just look at it!" As if I'd been coaching him for a porno movie." And me, I grew up practically naked until age 12 (when my dad told me he was going to start bringing business partners home without notice from time to time, so I'd better start wearing clothes), and I never really flaunted myself.

I would just reinforce that clothes stay on outside of the house, and remember that examining other people and playing doctor is actually perfectly normal, developmentally.

I have not really had to take much of a stand on gun play yet. I do think kids play with guns no matter what, even if they're sticks. I do not plan on buying toy guns. DD has been negative enough for me without me having to say anything. So I have been lucky enough to be able to be pretty neutral about it and not have to do anything except say calmly, "I don't like it when people are being shot, even when it's pretend."

[Bridget]

I used to have a really strict no gun rule. Strangly enough I was just thinking about this last night because I used to take care of this little boy who wanted to play guns all.the.time. Is mom's dbf was really into video games. I never would let the boy play guns and I actually kind of regret that. Kai has gotten really into gun play in spite of the fact that we don't watch tv or play video games or have much interaction with guns in our lives at all. But we went to the civil war museum and that spiked his interest when he saw all the soldiers with guns and wanted to know if they were "bad guys" at which point I told him that they were really brave guys. So he has a wooden pop gun now and he pretends to be a soldier, not shooting enemies but holding on his shoulder and marching. I try steer the gun play toward hunting but most of me feels like I should not put any restrictions on fantasy play. Children work out a lot of "stuff" through fantasy play and I feel it's very healthy to allow them to express these tendencies(?), feelings, and perceptions about violence and death and such things. I mean, they are a reality unfortunately. I'd much rather Kai played airplanes but making him play airplanes won't stop him from wondering about guns. We have had a lot of conversations about what guns really do and how we never ever ever ever ever ever ever touch a gun at someone elses house unless we ask the parents first. Even if we think it's toy. Even if we are sure it's a toy. We don't touch it until an adult says it's a toy.

[Ky'sMom]

Suja, loved the dress! It looks awesome on you.

Ash, I can tell you that Baby S. never runs around naked but for some strange reason we had a playdate with another APA mama and her daughter and I was in the middle of changing his diaper and he broke free from me, charged over to her, waggled his little thang at her, and said proudly, "Look at my pe*is! Just look at it!" As if I'd been coaching him for a porno movie." And me, I grew up practically naked until age 12 (when my dad told me he was going to start bringing business partners home without notice from time to time, so I'd better start wearing clothes), and I never really flaunted myself.

I would just reinforce that clothes stay on outside of the house, and remember that examining other people and playing doctor is actually perfectly normal, developmentally.

I have not really had to take much of a stand on gun play yet. I do think kids play with guns no matter what, even if they're sticks. I do not plan on buying toy guns. DD has been negative enough for me without me having to say anything. So I have been lucky enough to be able to be pretty neutral about it and not have to do anything except say calmly, "I don't like it when people are being shot, even when it's pretend."

L it is a good thing I am alone in my office because I laughed REALLY loud at that!!! LOL!

I spoke to Ky about guns a long time ago. I did explain to him about hunting, soldiers using them, and about everyday people having them to protect their homes from intruders. We have a gun and keep it locked in a safe and it is only accessible with our fingerprints (one of those where you touch it and it opens but it will only open for specific fingerprints).

I have never made a big deal about gun play because all kids do it at some time or another. We never had toy guns when Ky was a toddler because I didn't want him to think they were a toy. We didn't have one at that time, and I had more of a negative view of guns, similar to yours Myles. He would play gun with his fingers since he didn't have toy guns so not having them didn't make him not pretend about guns.

I am much more laid back on gun play now. We have toy guns but he has also been to gun safety classes. He has shot guns before. I just think it is important to make sure they know that real guns can kill people and if they ever see one to not touch it and tell an adult. The main thing I have about guns now-a-days is the fact that many toy guns look like real ones and so kids could think of them as a toy and end up hurting themselves or another person if an irresponsible owner doesn't secure them properly.

Erin

[Bridget]

*Knocking on wood here* but Savana has had no ocd behaviors for weeks! Do you think it could be the gluten free? I don't know if that's just way out there but I have read some studies that show in improvement in mental disorders. She's not stricly gluten free like Kai (and me, for solidarity) but it's all she eats at home. Today she was doing some of her old stuff like whining about how no one wants to play with her, and they don't play right, and she wants to do a project so I come up with project ideas and nothing is right. She was bossy and disagreeable. And now she sleeping. I am so relieved that she was tired! Easy answer. And now she can stay up later tonight and we can have some time alone.

[demigraf]

I just re-read my phrasing above and think it might have misleadingly sounded like I was saying if you have a gun, you are a violent criminal, so I hope that no one took it as such. As much as I dislike guns, I do see that the NRA is very populous and well-organized, so of course all those people can't be out to do harm. I used to have a rooommate who collected vintage guns, and he was one of the mellowest dudes you'll ever meet. I wouldn't want to stand in the way of guys like him who think they're neat and mechanically interesting. It's just that I grew up in the town that gave birth to Bloods and Crips, and the image that comes to mind when you hear "gun" is more a kid who's packing and has something to prove, than the hunter or farmer who's protecting his livestock. So that's what I meant by the fact that I "associate them with violent criminals". And I also don't think that playing with toy versions will lead to violent behavior. Heck, DH & I used to carpool together and any time someone would do something jerkish on the road, we'd pretend to vaporize them with our lasers or toss them with a tractor beam, so who's crazy now ;)? That's essentially the same thing Bodhi's doing when he makes a plays trigger finger with his hand, right?

I just struggle with finding a realistic way to talk to Bodhi about guns. We don't know any hunters, so that explanation wouldn't ring true. If people own guns around these parts, it's more likely because they feel the need to protect themselves, and I want to be able to explain to him what their rationale is for having a gun in the house, and then what our rationale is for not owning one. It gets complicated beyond his level of comprehension very quickly in my mind. L, since J seems to talk to your kids a lot about them, what have you heard him say about them?

Thanks for your thoughts on this, guys.

[demigraf]

Hooray for no ocd behaviors, Bridget! I don't know anyone who can test whether it's for sure because you went GF or not. Our naturopath did mention that oftentimes, when a child has an allergy to anything, it can be expressed in nervous behaviors. So if Savana has a gluten intolerance of any sort, I believe it could come out in her behaviors. I borrowed "125 Best Gluten-Free Recipes" from the library, and the recipes just look so delicious. BTW, can you recommend a GF soy sauce?

[Bridget]

Kikkoman makes a gluten free soy sauce that I was buying before we were gluten free. It's quite good and thanks for reminding me that I'm out and NEED to get some. It's like the one thing I forget every single time I go to the grocery store and it's really putting a damper on my fried rice addiction.