Secular Confessions

[demigraf]

I agree and I have cut out most of the toxic people in my life. My brother and my mom though, it's hard. SO incredibly hard. My dad's accussations are more than like just that, accussations. He is unstable, is spending too much time alone, and making things up in his head to justify her leaving him. He has text me a couple times this week and it really needs to stop, it's irritating me. I told him the other week that I was OK with him texting/calling if he was around our house and wanted to take Nolan to the park or something. It was NOT an invitation for him to contact me at will.

I can just imagine how irritating that has to be. It sounds like your mom's leaving put your dad over the top. He must be in tons of pain right now. Was he malicious towards your mom, or was it more that she got fed up with some shortcomings on his part? Yes, it's one of the hardest things... to set the right amount of distance with the people you love so that they still have you in their corner but aren't making your life painful.

[missychrissy]

I worry a lot about dragging our kids into our mess...I mean, in many ways you can't help it because they're our kids and no matter what they will be affected. But we can do a lot to keep the worst of it away from them.

[Smplyme89]

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[Smplyme89]

I'll probably delete that later. Having it typed out makes me feel sick.

[Smplyme89]

I worry a lot about dragging our kids into our mess...I mean, in many ways you can't help it because they're our kids and no matter what they will be affected. But we can do a lot to keep the worst of it away from them.

[missychrissy]

Oh Christina.

[AmeriBrit]

I feel for ya, Christina. My mom did some horrible and crazy things back when she was drunk most of the time throughout my childhood. When I was about 15, she tried to attack me (she's five foot and 90 lbs and I'm 5'6" and 120 lbs) and I pushed her down and she fell and hit her head on the kitchen table and I was convinced that I'd killed her...until she bounced right back up and acted like nothing had just happened. Yep, I have quite a few of those memories. I laugh at them now but at the time those experiences were a little traumatic.

[AbbeysMom]

I feel for ya, Christina. My mom did some horrible and crazy things back when she was drunk most of the time throughout my childhood. When I was about 15, she tried to attack me (she's five foot and 90 lbs and I'm 5'6" and 120 lbs) and I pushed her down and she fell and hit her head on the kitchen table and I was convinced that I'd killed her...until she bounced right back up and acted like nothing had just happened. Yep, I have quite a few of those memories. I laugh at them now but at the time those experiences were a little traumatic.

Holy carp, I have almost this *exact* same memory. Exact. It doesn't make me laugh now, but doesn't make me feel any animosity towards my mom or anything.

[AmeriBrit]

I'm sorry you have that memory, too, M. I laugh at them now because of how bizarre it seems to look back and think, 'did that really happen?' (Like, thinking of the time she chased my 6'1" dad around with a hacksaw) My mom never did mess with me after that incident. I think she learned her lesson. She moved on to picking on my sister a lot and my sister just internalized it all and still has emotional issues in regards to my mother.

[missychrissy]

How sad. It seems we've all had some pretty traumatic things happen in our childhoods.

[AmeriBrit]

Yeah, but it's not all bad, is it, though? I was just reminiscing with my sister about our papaw; she told me that once when she was 8, she and my cousin were out playing with one of Grandma's cherished glasses and they accidentally broke it, so papaw helped them to bury it. LOL. He was so funny. We loved him to pieces. One of his favorite things to say to our Grandma when they were bantering back and forth was, "Pauline, why don't you come suck the turd out of my a$$?" As kids, that always made us laugh so hard.

[missychrissy]

No, it surely wasn't all bad for me. I have lots of fun/funny memories and at this stage I wouldn't trade my life for anything. I can't remember really the last time I wanted to have a different life...although that was a prevalent wish when I was growing up.

I left work early today and opened a bank account in my town then came home and hung up curtains in the kid's rooms. They're a little short but better than nothing I guess. They were free...it turns out the bunch of sheets I picked up was really a couple quilts, pillow shams, and curtains. So the girls should be happy they got something out of that freecycle pick-up after all.

[missychrissy]

Oh, and Ash I drove today and came home a different route from what my bus travels. As I went around the roundabout I thought of you & smiled.

[Smplyme89]

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[missychrissy]

Rich accidentally stepped on Cramer & may have broke his wing. I'm waiting to hear from Cornell Exotics to see if he needs to be assessed tonight or if it's ok to wait and see if he feels better tomorrow.

[Bridget]

Oh my gosh! I hope Cramer is ok. I saw the pics on fb.

Dbf finished the front porch today. It's so lovely. I love it. He's awfully proud of himself. He said to me, "So what do you think of your old man, whipping this up in 3 days? You're always complaining that my projects take too long." lol I NEVER complain about that! That's like the one thing I totally commend him for is that he works really hard and diligently on his projects. I told him to stop acting like he was on episode of Everybody Loves Raymond. Oh, and I also said thank you very much.

One of the little boys I care for told me today that his grandpa washes his mouth out with soap when he's naughty. I told him I could never in a million years imagine him being naughty with his sweet self and he shrugged and said that his grandpa doesn't like it when he whines. Break. My. Heart.

[missychrissy]

Oh that's so sad. I couldn't fathom any of our kids grandparents going to that length in the name of 'discipline' Well, we wouldn't either but I would have a coronary all over the place if one of the grandparents took it upon themselves to do that. My mom puts Conner in time out-but she babysits him. She has never spoken up to him when me or Rich is around though...once we're there, she's off the clock and is just G'ma. I like it that way.

As for Cramer, I am so fretful and anxious...it really is like our child is in the hospital. He's looking at being there for several days and it's almost certain that he's going to need surgery. We'll find out for sure tomorrow morning after they do the x-ray. They're keeping him stabilized, hydrated, nourished, and giving him some pain medication tonight. If the x-ray indicates he needs surgery, they have to do a full work up to determine if he's healthy enough for the surgery because often parrots can have serious illness/disease but hide it till it's too late. I've only fed him veggies and fruits and then whatever we have for dinner he has a share of because I'd read that pellets aren't good for parrots at all. But now I'm worrying...did he get enough Vitamin D? Calcium? Did we feed him too much cheese? Eclectus parrots (his breed) love cheese but their bodies aren't designed to digest it properly because...well, where would they get cheese in the wild? It's kind of a humorous known fact about pet Eclectus parrots though...they'll SCREAM for pizza. Literally.

Rich couldn't feel worse. He was actually very tearful and kept saying how sorry he was. I'm not mad at him..it could have happened to any one of us and I told him that. Cramer has free reign in the house, but he generally stays on the backs of the furniture and crosses the table tops. He does get on the floor occasionally, but we usually hear his toe nails clicking as he walks. Rich was installing the new kitchen sink and was more preoccupied than normal and simply didn't hear him. It was a complete accident

[Bridget]

I really hope he's going to be okay, Chrissy. I am sorry this happened.

[girlwonder]

I hope he's okay Chrissy. You must be so worried.

Molly, I hope that Abbey feels better today. JoJo had pneumonia last year, very mild and recovered quickly, but just the word is scary.

Christina - sorry things are so rough for you right now. Just try to take care of yourself. I like Mylah's quote from The Four Agreements - have you ever read that book? It has been really helpful to me when I had to deal with toxic/crazy people on a regular basis.

Bridget - you didn't do anything wrong with letting her skip the class. She is still a little young to be able to forecast how she will actually feel about something.

Myles - was is Marinara or Pomodoro sauce that you made? (pages and pages back - you all have been talkative!)

One of my dad's oldest and best friends died yesterday. I have known him since forever and whenever I saw him since dad died I got a lump in my throat if not downright tears in my eyes - it was just like a strange sort of mainline to my feelings about my dad. I dont' know if that makes sense. Anyway, I am really sad about it and will miss him and knowing he was alive and loved my dad so much.

Sorry to anyone I missed. I'm tired and am going to go read for a bit before bed.

[demigraf]

Katy, your feelings make perfect sense. I'm sorry that his passing reopened old wounds for you. I have no idea about an afterlife, of course, but it's a small comfort to imagine my loved ones reuniting once they've left this world.

And yes, pomodoro. Thank you!

I've been doing this "cleanse" (Google Whole Living Action Plan 2012 if you want to know more about it) in part because it's in prep for TTC, another part to see how my body reacts to going gluten-free, another to continue eating like I'm at a health spa, which i started on my desert vacation, and one other part just for the heck of it... because following an eating program of some sort is a form of entertainment to me. I do still keep that eating journal/blog/pet rock. and my entries were largely ignored as usual, but there was one commenter who was kind of contemptuous of the plan, calling it one of the most restrictive he'd ever seen and cautioned me against it. It's a mild bummer when people have to be judgmental from their perspective, especially a misinformed one. This plan just keeps you off dairy, sugar, alcohol, caffeine, gluten, meat and processed food for awhile and is otherwise nutritionally complete. There are other cleanses out there where you drink nothing but lemon water with maple syrup and cayenne pepper. And go ahead and Google "Bentonite snakes" to see a graphic example of what other cleanses encourage... if you have the stomach for it. One other mom friend is doing this with me, and we were both feeling energetic enough to do a six mile trail run yesterday with some steep hills. So yeah, I think this plan is just fine. Anyway, yesterday was Day 8, and I can have seafood again, so B & I grilled some trout while dad was out on a job. This whole paragraph was my roundabout way of saying we had an amazing fish dinner tonight.

Chrissy, I'm sorry about Cramer. I know this is exactly the type of strain you don't need in your life. I hope the little guy is ok.

[Suja]

I have to be honest and say that I don't believe in cleanses. You have a liver and a kidney for doing a detox on a daily basis, and what you eat is not going to change that. That said, eating clean is a good thing , and if it makes you feel better, so much the better. Just make sure you get sufficient protein.

[missychrissy]

Katy, I'm so sorry for your loss. This must bring back a lot of grief for you. I'm sorry.

[Bridget]

Mylah, all I heard was TTC Yay!
Katy, I am so sorry for your loss.

How is Cramer this morning?

[missychrissy]

I haven't heard anything yet. They told me no news is good news. I'mnt sure if he's been assessed yet. If i don't hear anything in an hour, I'm going to call them.

[3andMe]

I agree with Suja, both in that cleanses are not necessary although eating a healthy balanced diet is good for anyone. I will add that things that purportedly clean the bowels of "years of accumulated toxins" like old stools and mucous, proved by the vast quantities of stools that come out, are absolutely not necessary and sometimes harmful. Also bentonite has aluminum in it, which seems kind of anti-healthy. I am often asked about colon cleanses, being in my line of work, and get to read about people who have died or had serious infection from high colonics. I know you're not doing that. But again, nothing wrong with a good and healthy eating pattern, and I'm glad you're feeling so well and that you had yummy fish.

Chrissy, so sorry to hear about Cramer. Let us know any updates, okay?

Suja, I wished I could have seen your dress picture in Random before you yanked it.

Katy, I'm sorry to hear about your dad's friend. And I have been missing you in here lately.

I realize that with my computer breaking and reading and posting on my phone, or being able to just post one reply to one thing sometimes before I start work, or reading replies that other people have made, that I have been missing entire series of things that people have posted. Maybe pages. Christina, so sorry you've been going through so much, and I was so very sad to read about all of the people here who could agree and share bad or scary parent stories.

[Bridget]

Hi L! Don't worry about missing stuff. You never have to explain yourself in here. Getting any sleep these days?

[raspberry]

Chrissy I am sorry about Cramer, poor little guy. I hope he's better today.

That is so sad about the boy and the grandpa. When I hear things like that, I wonder will that boy carry that memory of his grandpa with him all his life? Will he have a happy memory? ugh

A few weeks ago Gilly was taking a bath playing with his toys, then I heard him making funny noises, when I checked on him he had the funniest look on his face, and he was scrapping his tongue. When I asked him what he was doing, he pointed to the bar of soap-he had sucked on the soap bar! ha. I said eww I'll bet that didn't taste good-he shook his head it was a bad idea I am never doing that again. Silly boy.

My mil is here for her epic 6 week stay with us. So far it's okay, I just dread the length of this visit. She is smitten with an old friend and they skype all the time. It's nice she has somebody. Maybe this will soften her a bit.

Molly, I hope Abbey recovers quickly. I had pneumonia when I was 15, I have never been so sick in my life. I missed the last two weeks of 9th grade.

G has been taken swimming lessons, for the first 5 weeks he has refused to put his face in the water or blow bubbles, but last week he finally did it. All during the class he was dunking his entire head in the water, then he would come up and give me a thumbs up! So proud of him. We got him a puddle jumper flotation device, and I swear that thing has given him confidence. His instructor is really good and patient, she actually recommended the puddle jumper so he could practice his kicking.

Ashley, driving in the UK is a trip! When dh approaches those roundabout entering the motorway and people are driving so fast, I am just so glad that my dh is driving and not me. I would be like Clark Griswold and go round and round the roundabout. I am terrible with directions. Before we had GPS we were on a road trip, and I had us going the wrong way for miles and miles. We both agreed that GPS was needed to save any further fights in the car. We never go anywhere without it. We call her Gertie.

Katy, I am sorry for your loss. I know how that feels. One of my mother's best friends died last winter, on my birthday actually. She had alzheimers. She was always sharp as a tack and a good friend to my mom. It's sad. She was a kind soul who was always so good to me when I was little. You know when you find a grown-up that genuinely loves children, that was Helen.

[missychrissy]

Cramer update: His wing is definitely broken and poked through the underside of his wing. They started him on antibiotics and pain medication last night. They left him food and he did rummage through it in the night (good sign!). He's sleepy (not normal during the day) and cooperative, even when they drew blood for tests (not normal for Cramer!).

The break is in the middle of the bone, which is good. It's easier to surgically repair, but will require surgery. And we're looking at 800-1600. Without other complications. Recovery is weeks...perhaps 12. He will need a pin put in through the break, and then two pins on each side going into the bone to hold it steady. Those pins will actually extend outside his body, putting him at risk for infection, bumps, and him actually pulling them out himself. When he's feeling better, I have no doubt he would try it.

Right now they have his wing bandaged up against his body in its natural position and a collar on his neck to keep him from chewing that off. We may get to visit him tomorrow, but it's kind of a pain to do so. We have to make an appointment and they bring him to an exam room and all this has to be arranged around the worker's busy schedules. While we'd all LOVE to see them, I have guilty feelings about taking them away from their work for that. We're going to try to see him tomorrow or Monday and see how it goes. If he acts upset after we leave, we won't be able to do it again till he's ready to come home.

This really is just about as difficult as it would be if it were one of the kids. I have to apply for Care Credit because I don't have enough $ to cover everything he needs. The alternative is to just wrap it and let it heal the best it can. I cannot do that. If we can't get Care Credit, Cornell does have financial assistance but I'm afraid I make too much $ for that. I'll look into it though just in case. Because Rich & I don't live together, they may let Rich apply on his own. I don't know. My mom has offered to contribute and I think my father would too if his wife will let him. I hate hate hate the thought of borrowing that much from my parents.

The good thing is Cramer doesn't appear to be in pain at the moment or stressed. That was a real relief to hear. Cornell is great, by the way. They are as kind as you'd hope a pediatrician would be talking to you about your child. And the health history! They are thorough, I'll tell you that!

[demigraf]

WTG, Gilly! We're at swim class right now, and the teacher seems to have improved. Bodhi seems to be doing a hair better too (swim skill wise, not behavior wise, lol).

I think the word "cleanse" alone is enough to draw its share of presumptions and negativity, based on some of the more outrageous claims and practices around it. Though to be fair, it's as vague a word as "toxin" and "detox", which is why, in my head, I was air-quoting the word "cleanse" and detoxing wasn't one of the objectives I listed above.

The director of the swim school just stopped by and told me to come by and chat. Let's see what he's about to say...

[demigraf]

Chrissy, I missed your post about Cramer as I was writing mine. I'm keeping my fingers crossed for you that you get the Care Credit.
I'm sorry this had to happen, especially right now. You can't seem to get a break.

The director of the swim school was amazing. I honestly thought he was going to give me a lecture on Bodhi's behavior, but instead he told me he observed the teacher and had all these suggestions for her. I feel 200% better about bringing him there.

It was supposed to be 57 and cool today, but turned out to be another slammin' beach day and feels warm enough to be out in a and shorts, so we're about to head to the sand for a playdate now. Have a great weekend, ladies.