Secular Confessions

[AmeriBrit]

Aw, that's great, Chrissy, that it's getting easier for him. And yeah, LOL....I can just picture that scene of them entering your apartment all covered in shaving cream. Sounds like they had a blast!

We had a fun time tonight out at the pub with the whole family. It's one of those places that has a play area near the family dining room, so the kids can eat and play. I really like it there. We all noted how easier it's getting to go out with the kids now that the younger kids are getting older and the older boys are more independent, too. And, as I put on my FB status, I was refused service at the bar because I didn't have ID on me! And the drinking age here is 18! Bwahaha. I returned to our table and informed my MIL that I couldn't buy her a glass of wine and she was like, 'did you tell them that you're in your 30's?' and I said, 'Well, no, I didn't think arguing with them would serve any purpose.' LOL.

[missychrissy]

That's hilarious Ash! I would have tried to argue though

[Bridget]

Ash, you do look very young and fresh-faced. I would totally take that as a compliment.

Today was Kai's bday and would you believe both of the gifts I ordered for him off amazon were crap? They didn't work! He was so excited to see the metal detector and it didn't work. Then I also got this gun that shot off an airplane to fly 30-40 feet and that was a bust too. They both got great reviews on amazon. OH, I just wanted to cry but had to keep a positive attitude so Kai wouldn't melt down. I felt so bad. He got over it quickly thank goodness my dad and brother showed up with gifts one of which was one of those lights you wear on your head for cave exploring so Kai was thrilled about that.

So I have to ask. This has been on my mind because one of the mom friends I've made through the homeschool group that I spend a lot of time with, she doesn't listen to me. I really like her but she's all talk and no listen. It has occured to me that this happens to me alot. For example, she will tell me in great detail about the neighbor kids who spend all day at her house and how she handled it, and how she feels about it. I will listen intently and when I respond she is totally distracted and will cut in, or clearly be focused on something else. Or if her child interrupts our conversation she doesn't come back to it. She just starts on a new topic. I feel like so many women I meet are like this. So now I'm wondering if I am just really that uninteresting or if people generally lack listening skills. Do you all find this happening to you?

[missychrissy]

Ash, you do look very young and fresh-faced. I would totally take that as a compliment.

Today was Kai's bday and would you believe both of the gifts I ordered for him off amazon were crap? They didn't work! He was so excited to see the metal detector and it didn't work. Then I also got this gun that shot off an airplane to fly 30-40 feet and that was a bust too. They both got great reviews on amazon. OH, I just wanted to cry but had to keep a positive attitude so Kai wouldn't melt down. I felt so bad. He got over it quickly thank goodness my dad and brother showed up with gifts one of which was one of those lights you wear on your head for cave exploring so Kai was thrilled about that.

So I have to ask. This has been on my mind because one of the mom friends I've made through the homeschool group that I spend a lot of time with, she doesn't listen to me. I really like her but she's all talk and no listen. It has occured to me that this happens to me alot. For example, she will tell me in great detail about the neighbor kids who spend all day at her house and how she handled it, and how she feels about it. I will listen intently and when I respond she is totally distracted and will cut in, or clearly be focused on something else. Or if her child interrupts our conversation she doesn't come back to it. She just starts on a new topic. I feel like so many women I meet are like this. So now I'm wondering if I am just really that uninteresting or if people generally lack listening skills. Do you all find this happening to you?

Happy Birthday Kai! I'm sorry your gifts were both busts. What a bummer.

I think more people are prone to that sort of thing than others, and frankly once it happens 3 times in a row (like 3 visits) that's about it for me. It does happen, and I'm guilty of it myself. Like after someone leaves, I'll remember something happened in the midst of our conversation and we didn't get back to it. But I always feel bad and if I remember I try to bring it up again at the next opportunity. But I know the type you're talking about. I think they're self absorbed and unless there's something really traumatic going on in their life, I can't stand to be with people like that. Or unless they're teens. Teens seem to be programmed that way too.

Today was a good lazy day for me. I didn't really do much besides go to the grocery store and pick up some odds & ends to get through the week. One of the items I bought was a blanket that said it was good for any activity. I chuckled at that and thought there would be one activity I wouldn't be using it for. Then when I opened it and felt how rough it was...oiy! It feels like sand paper. Definitely not suited for any activity.

[Bridget]

Ew, I am very picky about my blankets. Are you going to bring it back?

Yes, I agree Chrissy that I can't really continue to put much effort into a friendship with someone who doesn't listen to me. My bff used to actually interrupt me a lot but I just told her and she stopped. She didn't even realize she was doing it. I am hyper aware of it and I will always encourage someone to finish their story if I have to attend to one of my children, or even if they are the one that gets called away I'm always like, "Hey, finish that story!"

[missychrissy]

I'm not going to take it back because I'm short on blankets. I'll keep it for a spare. It'll be ok to use for the grass when we go to parks & such. It was just $10!

I'm pretty aware of that kind of thing too...which is why I notice and feel bad on the few times I'm guilty of it. I don't interrupt though. Well, maybe with the kids. That only started once they became teenagers and decided they knew all the answers in the world.

Syd spent the entire weekend with me. Conner spent 1 night. Jesi visited 3 times and Bobbie once. Bobbie had a busy weekend working though. She passed out pamphlets for her photographer friend and was called in to work at McDonalds. She's really excited about an interview she has tomorrow. I'm really hoping she gets it.

[3andMe]

I can't finish a thought, let alone a sentence or a conversation around my children. They are constantly interrupting, and even if I ask them not to, they just burst with wanting to tell us things when I'm talking to someone. So Bridget, I guess the difference would be that I wouldn't even be able to tell my long story first. I wouldn't be able to get past, "Hi, how have you be--" before someone would pull my skirt up or I would get the two-syllable "Mo-om" or one of them would run up to you and say "Are you Mommy's friend? When did you meet and how many kids do you have and are you ever lonely?" I try but often can't remember to go back to the topic later, and it usually gets interrupted again.

I have ended up purposefully not maintaining friendships with people who always told me everything that was going on with them and their issues, and after I spent the whole time commiserating and then asked if I could tell them what was going on with me, they had to be somewhere right away.

Bridget, I always find what you have to say very interesting. I don't know what you're like in person, obviously, but I have mentioned before that you're a good story teller. I think, having run into enough people like this, that there are just a lot of people out there that spend most of their listening time just mentally preparing their next talking time.

Man, I had another bad grocery trip with S. today. I think I told you guys about the time he started screaming for wine (My wine, I want my wine, give me my wine Mommy!), right? This time I went in the afternoon, which was not usual for us, but we spent all morning at the beach doing Father's Day things with dh. S. started the trip really friendly and talkative, smiling and chatting to everyone, and talking about people. (About a 6'2" 350 pound man he just said hi to, "Did you see that little man, Mommy? That little man was really nice.") Then he got upset when I wouldn't let him hold the eggs. I did let him hold a bottle of wine this time, and he crowded triumphantly about holding his wine.

He was very loud, but the worst part was when I bent down to get something right next to the cart and he started screaming, "Come back, Mommy! Don't leave me here all alone! I need you! Don't go away like that, Mommy." He knew I was right there. He was saying it to get me in trouble, I am almost certain, or to be playing pretend. This store was in a demographic area where the worst I had to fear from that kind of an outburst was that parents would be upset at me for not spanking him.

He reached around and picked up almost everything in the cart and flung it onto everything else. I had put the bread underneath, but I couldn't keep everything safe. I fantasized about inventing a cart with a mesh cage against the back behind the child seat, to prevent the reach-around. I just ate some S-softened peaches.

It took me two hours to get it all done and get home.

Chrissy, sounds like everyone is getting used to your set-up. I'm glad you had some company.

[missychrissy]

Conner used to do that-get upset and reach around and toss things out/around the cart. I hated it. Once he threw yogurt to the floor and it broke open. I was so humiliated and kept offering to clean it up. The store clerk kept assuring me it was ok, but I didn't think it was. I nearly cried. I wish I knew an easy way around that, but for me what worked best was to stop taking him. Only recently have I started venturing out with him by myself again because every time I'd try, he'd have a fit about getting something. He's gotten so good in the last few months about that.

Sydney said again that things are better this way. There's a lot less arguing. Rich is definitely drinking again though. At least on weekends but it won't be long before it's during the week too.

[demigraf]

Oh, L! I hate that feeling of all eyes being on you because your kid is the one making a ruckus in a store. It's totally nerve-shattering when my child is intensely unhappy, and I'm trying to ride out the scene already in progress, AND he's still a ticking time-bomb that might not have gone off yet. By the time I've finally wrestled him back into his carseat (maybe after he tore down a display or I ended up carrying out of the store on my shoulder's because that's the best way to control him) I feel like I've lost a quart of plasma.

I think the best we can do is just know that every other mom has been in our shoes at least once. And laugh a lot too.

(This part of the link had me & DH laughing out loud together:...)

In fact, if I were selling my own Baby Squad™ Fitness Program for Actual Baby Readiness, it ...would come with the following drills/regimen for the entire year prior to conception. (Yes, conception! Yes, a year! Not doing anything fun while already pregnant is not actually all that hard and therefore not true readiness training.):

• Practice wrestling a large, slippery fish three times a week.
• Wake up every two hours at night, punch yourself in the face, walk around for 28 minutes pleading in jibberish. Go back to "sleep." Repeat.
• Socialize with friends in 18-second increments.
• Practice asking for the check, boxing up your food and exiting a restaurant in under sixty seconds — two bites into the meal.
• Watch 38% of any film or television show; never see the ending or resolution.
• Read the same three paragraphs of a novel once every two weeks; fall asleep.
• Shower every three to five days, but only for two minutes.
• Hire a makeup artist to make you up to look 10 years older. Look at yourself in the mirror, then laugh, cry, laugh, cry, laugh, cry. Do not go get a drink.
• Pack two additional bags of random stuff to carry with you every time you leave the house.
  ...

Oh, and Bridget, I would sit up and take notice of your friend's behavior too. I think you're totally sweet for even thinking your friend's self-absorption might have anything to do with you. What is the opposite term for self-absorbed? That's you. No, I know a couple folks like that. I can be in their company about once every few months and that's about it. The mother of the "nyah-nyah" boy I've talked about on here is like that. I love her, but the way she rambles on about herself can be really irritating. I cut her slack because she's in a painful spot in her life, and I've been "that guy" before who goes on and on about me without really wanting to listen back because I was in such a lonely, emotionally uncomfortable place. But I'm not saying everyone deserves that slack. Some people are just clueless.

[demigraf]

Can I just say our Father's Day was totally exhausting? It's 10:30 and DH is fast asleep. We woke up and I made breakfast, then loaded up the car and drove an hour down to Santa Cruz. We first stopped for lunch at this order-at-the-counter Italian place that was understaffed - I counted 4 people there to cook and serve the Sunday after-church crowd on Father's Day - so it took us well over an hour to get out of there. Then we went for a hike in the redwoods. It was nice at first with Bodhi getting excited about the big trees. All 3 of us got to stand inside a tree that we could crawl into through a low hole in its side.

The plan had been to let Bodhi nap in the BOB stroller, which he often does when we hike, but he was overtired from the long lunch, and kept complaining he was hot. So long story short, he screeched and shouted and protested his way to sleep, saying crazy things like "I hate those bumps; stop making it bumpy! When I grow older, I will like the bumps, but today I hate them!" ("hate" is the one word we've had no luck exorcising from his vocabulary), when we couldn't exactly control how uneven the trail surface was. So it was a stressful hour trying to coax him to sleep, while navigating by topographical map I should add. Then he only stayed asleep for 45 minutes. We'd thought we were scott-free, almost back to the car - only a half mile to go - and he would have slept for an hour, but then of all weird things, the trail went up about 800 ft, and the ground we were walking on turned into sand. We, soon after that, passed a sign that said the immediate area had once been part of an ocean floor. So we were ploughing that stroller through thick sand, and it felt like pushing a bulldozer. The stop-and-go movement, of course,woke B up, and since he hadn't napped enough, he was in a rage. He was crying "mommy, mommy" uncontrollably, but then when I carried him, he'd arch his back and act like he wanted me to put him down. It was like he was a newborn again. Then he said I was too "stinky" (his word for sweaty) and didn't like the way I felt when I carried him. So the last 40 minutes was more screeching and crying, much of it with me carrying him or stopping to rock him. I think we took a wrong turn at some point, because the last half mile turned into at least another 1.5 mile. That was definitely the most agitated I'd ever been in the redwoods. DH & I even got punchy with each other, which is a shame for that to happen on Father's Day.

Dinner was nice, though, at a Sri Lankan restaurant in Santa Cruz. I'm doing a cleanse right now, so DH allowed me to pick somewhere with some vegan options that I could order. DH & I spent the hour drive home talking about how pleasant-tasting our burps were.

On a related topic, Suja, do you have any good recipes for eggplant?

**BEGIN LONG-WINDED VENT**

Switching gears, I want to share the dramatic mommy moment I had yesterday. Bodhi's been taking swim lessons since Feb, and he's made decent progress. He can basically dog paddle, as long as he has goggles and fins on. But I'm not so sure it's working out with his teacher. She's on the young side, and Bodhi is admittedly, the worst-behaved child in his 3 person class. He's not rude; he's just always laughing and fooling around while she's teaching the other kids. The kids are often expected to wait, sitting on a platform in the water or on the side of the pool while the teacher works with one kid. Bodhi has jumped off the platform and swam on his own without her prompting, and he's often sticking his face in the water to look at how neat everything is when you have goggles on. So anyway, this teacher just can't contain her impatience with him. She's very cold towards him. When she's talking to the other kids, she's smiling and cooing, and then when she gets to Bodhi, she stone-faces him. She rarely shows any warmth towards him, which, of course, is not the best way to foster cooperation from a young child. She's complained to me before that his behavior is "unsafe". The thing is, he's there to LEARN water safety, among other things. She makes it sound like the onus is on my 3 yr old to keep himself safe. Um, no. If there were an accident in the pool due to his goofing around, I would totally hold them liable.

So anyway, I've just been watching her be icy towards him these past months. DH says he's noticed it too. B has hit this plateau where he can't progress to the next "ribbon" because the teacher says he's not listening to her. After watching her be rude to him one too many times yesterday, I asked the front desk for an alternate class time with a different teacher. One of the other student moms overheard me talking to them about it and asked what was going on. I explained that there was bad chemistry between B & his teacher. She watched a little and said, "Wow, you're right, and I've only been watching for a minute." When I went to get him out of the pool after class, the teacher complained again that he's being "unsafe" I finally got fed up and said something to her, "He is THREE. He has no impulse control at this age. And you are behaving like you don't like him!" Probably not the most eloquent way to finally express my frustration, but it was out. She made some pitiful attempt to tell Bodhi she liked him, "but you have to listen", and then she hurriedly got the next class of kids into the pool. So then I talked more at length about it with the administrative guys at the front desk. They apologized and acknowledged that she wasn't a mother, but also defended her as a very experienced teacher. I just explained some more that it's age appropriate for a 3 year old to have a difficult time sitting patiently, resisting the temptation to play in the water while waiting for instruction, and her irritation seemed to come from an unrealistic expectation that my 3 year old should be able to learn like a 10 year old. The woman at the front desk kind of applauded me for sticking up for my kid.

Then I got in the car and cried on the drive home. I'm surprised by how emotional that exchange was for me. It hurts to see anyone be stern with your kid. And I'm more than a little self-conscious of the fact that the other 3-4 year olds don't have as tough a time sitting still as Bodhi does. There's a part of me that doubts whether I'm in the right because I myself have a hard time being patient and sweet with B 100% of the time. And the teacher has it harder than me because the pool is already a risky environment, and his disruptiveness just makes it harder for her to focus on teaching if she's too busy making sure he doesn't drown. She's human. I understand that Bodhi's making her job difficult. It's not like we don't talk to him about the importance of listening to her before and after every class. I half-expect them to turn around now and tell me that he's the bad fit for the class because he takes the teacher's attention away from teaching, but still, he can't be the only 3 year old she's ever taught that's a goofball in the water, can he? I mean, is it really a pre-requisite for a 3 year old to be able to be able to sit quietly, minutes at a time, when there are water toys everywhere, and parents singing to their tots in the other class? And no matter what, there's no excuse for her to behave coldly towards him, right?

Anyway, it's because of his swim class behavior that we took him to see a naturopathic doctor last month. She said he's fine and perfectly normal but if we wanted, we could try some herbs to promote calmness, which he's on right now. I hope we can work things out with the school, whether it's a new teacher or some improvement in the current teacher's teaching style, because it was tough to get B that much-coveted spot in the swim school to begin with. I desperately want him to learn how to swim, and if this is the best school (as everyone says it is), I don't know what our alternatives are going to be.

[demigraf]

Sydney said again that things are better this way. There's a lot less arguing. Rich is definitely drinking again though. At least on weekends but it won't be long before it's during the week too.

That is so awesome that she feels that way. You worry so much for them, it must feel great to have them approve of your choices. Sorry that he's drinking again, though. It's gonna be your problem in one way or another until he gets help.

[missychrissy]

I think the best we can do is just know that every other mom has been in our shoes at least once. And laugh a lot too.

That's funny!!

[missychrissy]

And no matter what, there's no excuse for her to behave coldly towards him, right?

Right. No matter what she has no right to show favoritism to the other kids just because Bodhi doesn't sit still. He's 3!

I remember when my brother was in jail and I couldn't bring Conner in to visit because the kids were expected to sit the entire time on their parent's lap. He was just under 2 at the time and while other kids seemed to be able to do it, Conner could not. Even at 5+ he wouldn't be able to do it. Some kids just cannot sit still for any length of time.

I'm hoping Kindergarten rotates activities quickly because if they don't I anticipate getting complaints about Conner's inability to sit and listen to direction. Luckily, the teacher he got is the fave of the entire Kindergarten level. I think she was my brother's K teacher, but I don't recall for sure. She was definitely there when Bobbie was in school though, so she has lots of experience.

[AmeriBrit]

Myles, I'm glad you spoke up about that swim teacher's behavior. I would say that's totally unacceptable for her to act like that. In all honesty, some little kids are hard work; I've realized that as I've been working with the 3/4/5 year olds at school lately and you really have to grin and bear it with some of their behavior, but there's no way you should let that color your interactions with them. In the class where I'm working now, there is a set of twins who find it very hard to focus on one task, so they wander around a lot. Today I was working with another group and they kept coming over to slap me on the back (quite hard for 4 year olds I might add!) and I just kept saying, "Gentle, please." And tried to redirect them as much as possible. Some days, they are more chaotic than others, but I'd never be all negative towards them. I've just read what I've written and realized it's not just little kids that are like that; gosh, turning a blind eye to the older ones' (10/11/12) attitude is something that you have to do as a teacher as well.

Last week, I worked with the older kids as a sub teacher and had a teaching assistant with me; there is one kid in there whose parents say he's autistic, but he has never been officially diagnosed and most teachers say they think he's not but just has authority issues, but any how. So, the kids were doing a group activity, so I was floating around and all of a sudden, this TA was shouting at this kid, like proper screaming hysterically at him. The whole class was silent. The assignment was to solve a murder mystery by using maths by using the clues provided. The kid was reading the clues, but then assuming things and making things up that could have happened and the TA flipped on him for that. I spoke to him after she left the classroom to get something else, and I could tell that he meant no harm; if he is autistic, I felt like that's why he was doing what he was doing. The directions on the paper said, "To be a detective," so he was just coming up with ideas instead of just using the clues provided. I went to him and told him in a quiet voice that I knew he wasn't meaning to be defiant, that he was just reading the assignment wrong. He was fine after that. There was no need to flip on him like that, especially knowing that his family says he's autistic, so if he is, than that makes perfect sense that he read the assignment literally. I have to wonder about people who work with kids who don't seem to know how to react to their behavior!

[missychrissy]

Sadly, it can take one episode like that to make a child hate school for years, if not for the rest of their academic career. I'd be horrified to witness something like that.

[AmeriBrit]

I'm hoping Kindergarten rotates activities quickly because if they don't I anticipate getting complaints about Conner's inability to sit and listen to direction. Luckily, the teacher he got is the fave of the entire Kindergarten level. I think she was my brother's K teacher, but I don't recall for sure. She was definitely there when Bobbie was in school though, so she has lots of experience.

Where I work and at T's school, they move around a lot, so the kids don't have to sit too long. Most schools over here now acknowledge that the first years of school are hard for kids to just sit around at a desk to learn, so they have them moving a lot. A few weeks ago, I covered for a first grade class and their day was full of activity; while one groud was doing math, the other was playing with building blocks while another went on the laptops and they rotate like that. Then there was PE, snack time, lunch time and afternoon was guided reading and dress up and free play time....so very very busy and hardly any sitting down at all!

[AmeriBrit]

Sadly, it can take one episode like that to make a child hate school for years, if not for the rest of their academic career. I'd be horrified to witness something like that.

I did let the principal know about it because it totally shook me up; she told me that this TA has a history of it, so it's been noted. She probably got spoken to about it. This TA is the same one that upset me a while back with her aggressive behavior.

[missychrissy]

Can't they get rid of her, or is it like the US?

[AmeriBrit]

Can't they get rid of her, or is it like the US?

Everyone who works civil service here is in one or another union here, so firing someone is extremely difficult, but I'm sure these instances are stacking up against her and won't do any good for her career. I wish I could ask for her not to support classes I sub for, but I'm sure that would just cause more issues....ah, working and the politics that go with it.

[Suja]

Myles, I'll add an eggplant recipe for you in the food sticky, outside of this. Would be easier for you to go back to it. It's my dad's recipe, but it never comes out quite the same for me because I'm unwilling to invest that kind of time to making it properly.

That baby bucket list is HILARIOUS! And is pretty much in line with my experience so far.

Myles, Bodhi's teacher sounds too young and inexperienced to be teaching 3 year olds. A friend of mine was telling me about a kid in her son's swim class (he's almost 5) who would get out of the shallow end of the pool at every opportunity, run out to the deep end and jump in. And he didn't know how to swim, so had to be rescued all.the.time. Just tell her that it could be worse, far worse.

[Cosmosmom]

Is there anyway you can get B a private instructor for swim lessons? I started swim lessons very young, really my first memories are my lessons. I had a good teacher but if you didn't listen, you were asked to get out of the pool for a time out. Safety is vital. I have never been an official swim teacher (got very high up but stopped because while I was very good, I was kind of slow) but because we had a pool and I did a ton of babysitting as a teen, I ended up teaching a number of small children how to swim. Listening was my number one rule....I said not to do something or stop, you didn't stop or did it anyway, you got a time out on the deck. They quickly learned (even my very difficult stubborn girl) that I meant business and in the pool you got ONE warning. I cannot imagine trying to teach a number of small children at once and keeping them all under control and safe in the water. It was pretty easy one on one.
And I don't think that I care for the fact that they have so much going on in the pool to distract them. When I used to go to Mrs. Mac's for my lessons, she had our class in there and that was it. And I'm concerned about the use of goggles and fins. If teaching kids how to swim and be safe, they shouldn't be using devices (I especially hate floaties). If a kid is going to fall in the pool or something....chances are they aren't going to have devices on and they need to know how to swim without anything first.
I know you said that this school was supposed to be the best....but maybe you could check out some other swim classes and see how they are conducted?

But so not cool to act like you don't like a kid just because the kid might be a little more frustrating.

The above mentioned difficult girl....really at 2 she would argue with me and her reasoning was actually logical. She was a challenge! And she just graduated from high school....which makes me feel old.

[demigraf]

Ash, that TA has no business being around kids, IMO. Shouting at a kid for having an imagination? Not cool. I hope they can do something about it.

Suja, thanks in advance for the recipe! Yum!

Interesting... I found this Yelp review for the school - the one negative out if a bunch of 5-star reviews. (Our teacher is not this Donna, btw):

My opinion of this swim school has really gone downhill over the past few months. My four year old daughter first started classes here in fall of 2009 and loved it. When we had to leave in January, we really missed it. She was thrilled to be able to start back with the same teacher, Donna, this summer, but something had changed. Donna was now yelling at the kids. These are small children, and this just shouldn't happen. When I spoke to her about it, and pulled my daughter from the pool, I got an email from Donna explaining that she was so "used to" yelling at the other boy (younger than my daughter) in the class, but she would work on not doing it so much. My daughter's confidence was now busted, and the learning curve just not the same. I should have changed teachers then, but stayed with the class. Next, Donna told my daughter she would give her the next ribbon for her class the following week, but when my daughter completed that class, nervous with this teacher, no ribbon was given. Again, not a practice to uphold with young children. This time I have changed teachers, but apparently the word was passed to the next teacher. All I got from the next teacher was a scowling look at the end of her class. I am searching for a new swim school for my daughter who is always exuberant and loves to swim, but is now becoming scared just to go to swim class!

So there's a precedent. I wonder if I'll get an e-mail from B's teacher. That'd be a start.

[demigraf]

Jen, the school's program is designed to get them out of goggles and fins as a progression, once they're comfortable with the feeling of being in the water, have awareness of what's at the bottom, and have learned the motions of propulsion in the water. I have no problem with that. I would have a problem with floaties if they used them, which they don't. I do have a big problem with anyone taking a "my-way-or-the-highway" attitude with my kid. I don't think adults need to power trip with small children. Says more about the adult than anything else.

[Cosmosmom]

That is so not cool yelling at the kids. A simple time out would be so much better. The teacher needs to be calm and in control.

Swimming should be fun. Unless there are ear issues, swimming is one of the things I know I want to do for sure with our little dude. I would like to start us in classes at 6-9 months old.

[Cosmosmom]

Jen, the school's program is designed to get them out of goggles and fins as a progression, once they're comfortable with the feeling of being in the water, have awareness of what's at the bottom, and have learned the motions of propulsion in the water. I have no problem with that. I would have a problem with floaties if they used them, which they don't. I do have a big problem with anyone taking a "my-way-or-the-highway" attitude with my kid. I don't think adults need to power trip with small children. Says more about the adult than anything else.

That is interesting idea using the fins and googles....but I still don't care for that myself and that alone would send me looking for a different class. But thank goodness no floaties!

I have to admit that I did and do have that attitude with children in a water setting. It was MY way or no way. (I did not yell though...firm but calm) I had my pool rules and they were set in stone...if they were not followed after a warning, there was a consequence of having to leave the pool for a little while. It wasn't at all about a power trip over the kids but about safety. I had the lives of others children in my hands....the water can be so incredibly dangerous. I really did not want to tell a mom that it was my fault her child was dead, I didn't want to rush to the hospital because a kid cracked a head on the ledge, and I did not want to test my CPR skills. I mean really not that many here would let their kids swim with a 16/17 yr old as the ONLY adult in charge....but they knew the rules and they knew that I was a harda** about them. I was trusted with their kid and if that meant that the kid had to do a timeout on the deck once in a while, so be it (and that included my own sister who tested me once thinking the rules didn't apply to her as it was her pool too....yeah she ended up on the deck). But really after a few times, every year we all had a lot of fun playing out there all day long. And nobody ever ended up hurt....other than some water up the nose!

[Smplyme89]

Ok. Totally jumping in without catching up ladies

I have to tell someone about my oh so wonderful weekend This is going to get long and really you don’t even have to read, I just have to type this out is all…….

On Saturday I found out DH had been hiding something from me. I won’t go into details, because it’s so silly it’s not even worth talking about. We’ll be fine, but I was >this< close to leaving him. Actually I did. I packed Nolan and I up, went to a hotel, sat in the parking lot for 30 minutes because I couldn’t stop picturing that link showing bed bugs that Erin (I think it was you) posted a while back I went back to the house, we slept in the room, while DH slept on the couch. He has some things to work on (as do I) and we’ll be just fine. It was just stressful at that moment, knowing that he would lie to me, especially about something so trivial…. I just can not/will not tolerate being lied too. I believe a relationship is always evolving and this is just one more obstacle that we have to learn how to work together on. It became very obvious to me (once I calmed down a bit) that this past year of having no time together as a couple had done some serious damage to all the progress that *we* had both made. So, we’ll get back to it and be fine.

Sunday….. First thing in the morning I get a phone call that my brother (J) had been arrested Possession of narcotics, possession of paraphernalia, unlicensed fire-arm, and another charge to do with the gun since apparently the gun was stolen and had been connected with a robbery (he can get out of this charge if he tells them who he bought it from since he didn’t do it). 3 felonies and 1 misdemeanor He goes to arraignment this afternoon to find out when he’ll be going to court. He’ll have to sit there until his court date. I am the only one with the money to bail him out (it’s 1800 at the moment) and if he screwed me over that would take a chunk out of my money for school next year. My mom and husband are both adamantly against that.

Sunday afternoon….. On Saturday my mom told dad that she was seeing someone (I can’t remember if I told you ladies, but they filed on the 10th (I think??) and the date to see the judge is July 2nd for their divorce). Sunday afternoon, after his weekly morning visit with Nolan, he starts calling my mom threatening her and her whatever you want to call him (I call him winner-winner chicken dinnercan you tell I disapprove?). Left her tons of messages, so she called and filed a report. This morning he was still upset and calling her. She finally answered the phone and just laid into him a bit. She said he calmed down and seemed ok. I know my father is emotionally unstable (we all know it) and right now he is ALL alone. The only visitor he gets is Nolan on Sundays and J on occasion (and now that J is in jail, it’ll just be Nolan). Other than work, he is alone all the rest of the time. That’s no excuse for his behavior, but it is a lot of time for someone as emotionally unstable as my father to come up with all kinds of crazy scenarios in his head. I have maintained this entire time that as long as he is sober, violence is a non-issue. He is using this fear that he has held over my mothers head all these years to rattle her and it works, every time.

I just wanted to enjoy my summer, you know??? I thought, a couple months off school. Some relaxing, some spring cleaning, spend some time with Nolan and my husband. All would be well, good, and simple. People wonder why I don’t socialize, why I don’t try to get involved with people anymore, every time I do THIS kind of **** happens. Everyone in my house right now is just adding to my stress level. Between DH, J, and my mom I am just SO done. Why do I have to be the one with the dysfunctional family?!?!?!

This doesn't even touch the crap we have going on at work.... I just can't get a break.... I like my boring life AND I want it back NOW.... I don't look for this drama, it keeps coming to be and I just don't know how much more I can take....

[Ky'sMom]

I think you were right on Myles for confronting the teacher about her interactions with B. From the way you describe the situation, he seems to be really interested in swimming, so I would think she should be happy that she has a kid who isn't screaming about the water like Elle would probably do, she is also 3, will be 4 in September, but she is nowhere near ready for swimming because it would freak her out too much.

Ky took swim lessons for 3 years from 3 to 6 years old. He didn't like to sit either but his teacher was fine with that. He had a male teacher, a great guy and he would have the ones who didn't or couldn't sit still practice their kicking (holding onto the edge) or "blowfish" blowing water out of their mouths, while he worked individually with another child and that worked really well. I don't see why this teacher, if she is experienced, cannot think of a safe pool activity for B to do while she is working with another child. Ky's teacher had more than 3 kids, the max was 10 but he had 7 kids and he was really nice to all the kids and we never had a problem with them. He did speak to them about waiting their turn and sometimes the littler kids would do like you say B is doing, doggie paddle around or just goof off a bit and he would just remind them not to goof off and practice kicking, but he liked their enthusiam and he wanted to make sure they had a good kick by the time he got to them.

I am hoping he is still there when I take Elle. I am thinking of taking her in a few months, but for Father's Day we went tubing down a river in the GA mountains and he adamantly did not like it and screamed a large portion of the trip. Some of our friends went with us and they were really upset with her and saying that she screamed too much and I think I got snotty with them later (one of them kept falling out of their tube and DH had to save her and it took away from his enjoyment of the trip, Elle did not fall out, but her falling was frightening Elle because her daddy kept getting out of his tube and she was worried about him) on but honestly I don't care since at least Elle held onto the tube like she was supposed to and didn't fall out. The lady who kept falling, was splashing Elle in the face, it is a gentle river we went down and I honestly didn't think about her getting water in her face, otherwise I wouldn't even have brought her, but this lady kept splashing her and she is just not a splashing sort of girl.

But DH had a decent time. We will go again without the extras when Ky comes home. We also went fishing (I wanted to do some outdoorsy things with DH for Father's Day since he never wants anything but is always talking about going tubing and fishing). He had a great time and was actually smiling a lot (he is not a smiling person unless you get a few drinks him usually). He knows how much I don't really like the outdoors and thought it was a wonderful "gift" for him since he usually wants me to go camping and fishing and such and I usually don't go because I don't like those things. I even had a decent time and I do think I'll go fishing at least again with him next month.

Erin

[Ky'sMom]

Hugs Christina for your long weekend.


Ugh....about your brother. Please do not bail him out. I so would not, that is a whole lot of money and he is safe in jail and it will give him some incentive to tell them who he got the gun from.

My dad, when he was younger, used to get into minor dealings with breaking the law like your brother's and he told me that his grandmother, who was pretty wealthy (she left over 250K in cash to her grandkids upon her death and property) said she would not waste a dime bailing him out of jail for a crime unless the cops said that it occurred during a time when he was with her lol! She never did either. He once got arrested for marijuana possession and it was only about $200 to bail him out and she refused. It was on a Friday so he had to stay in jail until Monday when he got out. I decided a long time ago that her idea is a good one and I will follow it with anyone I know. Unless you were with me when the crime occurred, I won't bail you out.

Erin

[missychrissy]

Christina. I agree, don't bail your brother out. And as much as you can, stay out of your mom & dad's stuff. My mantra right now is "you can't help how you feel" and it sounds like your mom is ready to move on. Your dad needs to as well.

[Suja]

Christina.

I'm with Erin and Chrissy. DO NOT BAIL YOUR BROTHER OUT!!!!!!! He has abused your generosity one too many times, and as a grown-up he has to face the consequences of his actions. This has got to be so hard on you, though. If you ever want to run away from home, I've got a finished basement that's completely unused, and I can guarantee you that you won't have to see or talk to a soul if you don't want to.