Secular Confessions

[missychrissy]

Well..I don't know for sure. I usually didn't get really sick (like not being able to prevent throwing up) until about 5-ish weeks. But that's not saying I didn't feel slightly nauseous in the weeks prior, it's just that it was so weak I didn't pay much attention.

Conner was the only one I really tried for...and didn't succeed for a few months. I got a bit crazy during that period and would make myself sick thinking about it. So much so that when I actually did get pregnant, I didn't think that was it at all. I had felt mildly nauseous for a while (can't remember now if it was 1-3 weeks?) before I actually got the morning sickness, but I remember being surprised that this was it

So my short answer is it's impossible to tell. Even with Conner being my 7th pregnancy (I've had 3 losses), I couldn't tell I was pregnant till I was late & tested.

[Gwenn]

Thanks. That does help. I'm not vomiting-sick yet, by any means, but if you started that at 5 weeks with some time of feeling "off" before that, it's credible I could be feeling a little off now.

[missychrissy]

Yes. It wasn't enough to really know and like I said, I'd previously made myself nuts before so it was just too hard to tell. That said, it was real at least one time so there's definitely hope.

[Gwenn]

I make myself nuts about it, too, so my inclination is to write it off, but then again I don't feel like I'm imagining this.

[missychrissy]

I know that feeling..not to the extent I'm sure you're feeling it. The 5-6 months it took to get a + for Conner was horrible enough for me. My heart really goes out to you and I think I'm more anxious for you to get a + than I was for myself. Wednesday can't get here soon enough.

[Gwenn]

Thanks.

Unrelated question for anyone with an opinion - I need to get my job application for one of the NY jobs out no later than tomorrow. It says I need three references on my application. I asked two of my friends/coworkers if I could use them as a reference and they both said yes. I left a message on a third friend's phone Friday morning and she hasn't got back to me yet. I know she carries her cell phone with her all the time. Should I assume she is just busy with her 3 kids and doesn't realize I need an answer right away, and call her again, or do you think for some reason she doesn't want to and is avoiding me? I can call someone else and I know there are others who would be glad to, but I wanted her in particular because of her job title and how long I've known her.

[missychrissy]

I'd try to touch base with her again. God only knows what could have happened that she didn't get your message or maybe it's totally slipped her mind. I'd keep it light of course, but maybe get someone else on the line just in case you don't hear from her in time. Or send 4 references. I have.

[Luna]

Mandy, I'm stalking you today. I haven't posted in this thread in. . . forever.
I'd call her again, and then go ahead and send with another reference as back-up just in case.

You're moving to NY? Guess I better do some more stalking. . . .

[Luna]

I confess I kind of want a "like" button on the forums. Just something to tell people "hey, I've been here and I support you" but not enough that I actually have to exert time and effort typing something profound.

[AmeriBrit]

Fingers crossed for you, Mandy!

L, that tick story sounds traumatic! We used to get ticks on us all the time and I would just grab them and pick them off. Actually, when Dh first came to visit me in Arkansas, I can remember picking one off my back and it freaked him out. I'm glad R was a little trooper for you.

Erin, that sounds like Ky will have a lot of fun this summer!

We've been out all day today. It was my niece's christening and party afterwards, so we went to church for an hour then to my sil's for the party. We only have a small family on our side but sil's husband has a massive family that are like a soap opera.

I'm lying here next to Travis since it's his bedtime and we've just got home. He was just singing baa baa black sheep and it sounded like he said, "thank you said the bast ard" instead of "thank you said the master." lol. I must be tired as well!

[Suja]

L, ticks squick me out, and not much does. Did you save the ticks? Do you know what kind they are? Are you going to get a tick panel run on Ro?

Mandy, I've been counting days, but saying nothing for fear of jinxing. And I'd definitely call the friend again, but also add a fourth reference, just in case.

[Ky'sMom]

I also didn't want to jinx anything Mandy.

I didn't get nauseous until around 6-8 weeks with both pregnancies, earlier with Ky and later with Elle. I was hoping I wouldn't have m/s with Elle but it was ten freaking times worse with her. I developed hyperemesis with both pregnancies. The only early symptom I had was a stomach rumbling, not nausea just kind of an upset stomach. I also would gag when brushing my teeth. That is how I always know I am PG. I gagged before I missed AF when I was PG with Elle. We were TTC for 7 months before my BFP with her and when I gagged brushing my tongue I peed on a stick and got a BFP. Same thing happened when I got PG on an IUD. I miscarried that time but as soon as I gagged, some expletives let out about being PG lol! I went to the store to buy a stick and sure enough I was. I have weird PG symptoms LOL!

Erin

[missychrissy]

I've heard that can happen to some pregnant women when brushing their teeth. Or maybe I'm remembering it happening to you Making hamburger patties was the one thing that did me in every time. And cigarette smoke-lucky for me since I was a smoker before getting pregnant with my girls. Quitting was easy when the smell made me vomit. I wasn't a smoker when I was ttc'ing Conner but the smell still made me sick.

[Bridget]

Ohhhhh Mandy! Fingers crossed for you.
Erin, what a great summer Ky is going to have!



Kai has the scabies. I'm effing beside myself. I just started taking the plastic off the furniture yesterday and then noticed the tell-tale rash on Kai's leg about 4 hours ago.
AND dbf and I had a horrible fight last night where he said some pretty awful things. Today he's acting like everything is fine and that I just need to stop moping about it since "we" needed to get some things off our chest, "we" did, not let's move on. I feel like he is psychotic sometimes. The things he was saying, the way he is acting today. It's just....off.
I never feel like I want to run away but today I feel that way. It's like i'm walking around in a cloud.

Lydia, I think we are in a very close race here.

[missychrissy]

Oh NO! Poor Kai! Poor Mama. I just bet you are beside yourself. How frustrating.

I probably don't even want to know what he's said. Was he drinking? I hate hate hate when things like that happen and then the next day the other person acts like it's no big deal. It's very unfair. If you still feel something, it's a big deal. Period. Even if he doesn't agree with you about whatever, your feelings are valid.

[Gwenn]

I'm sorry for all of that, Bridget.

Katie! Nice to see you in here! I'm *possibly* moving to NY, because DH may have a job offer there. Although he just said the other day that he doesn't think we should move if I am pg, so if I'm right maybe this is all a waste of time. I wish I could know for sure before tomorrow. I do think he's right, because if I quit my job here (and I would want to give them notice right away because of my contract), they will drop my benefits and I'd have to do Cobra until I start a new job, which wouldn't be until Sept for a school job in NY. So it may not make sense to move right now. We'll see.

[Bridget]

Yup, Chrissy. He is textbook gaslighting(?) is that word? No, he was not drinking. I wouldn't even know where to start to tell you all the things he said but he basically ripped me to shreds as a parent, a partner to him, EVERYTHING. He painted me a monster. I was dumbfounded. I actually went to bed just to get away from him and cried in bed for like 3 hours. Then this morning he made me breakfast and coffee and now I'm just digusted and confused by his behavior. I don't know what this feeling is that I have in my chest but it feels hateful. I just haven't decided yet if a part of me hates him or if I just really really hate the way he acted. I just don't know.

[missychrissy]

That's completely unacceptable Bridget. And horribly untrue. I hope you know that. It still doesn't feel good that he'd even think those things, much less say them. As far as I'm concerned, unless he's groveling in tears on his knees at your feet, he doesn't deserve forgiveness. I'm beyond words right now. I'm so sorry. You deserve better than that sort of treatment.

You know how bad things have been between me & Rich and while neither of us are perfect, we haven't gone anywhere near those lengths in an attempt to hurt each other. I couldn't fathom being like that toward someone I supposedly loved. I'm so sorry.

[Gwenn]

That almost does sound like a mental issue, Bridget. How scary. It does sound like he's embarrassed of his behavior and that's why he made you breakfast, but he needs to apologize.

[missychrissy]

If he doesn't have something like a personality disorder or mental disorder like bipolar, then he's being emotionally and mentally abusive. All of which are bad. As your friend, I would strongly encourage you to demand he get help of some sort...family counseling, an assessment, something.

While I'm not a huge believer in divine intervention, I think his job away from home is probably a good thing. I'm not trying to be mean or insensitive, but I will repeat what was said to me when Rich & I were having issues similar to those years ago...you really need to think about the example he's setting for your kids. You don't want your boys being like that to their SOs and you don't want Savanna ending up with someone that treats her that way.

When Rich was abusive to me, that's the one thing that struck a chord and helped me stay away from him when he wanted me back after 4 months (it took a totally of 11 months of us being apart before we got back together). Someone asked me how I'd feel and what my advice would be to my daughters if their BF was treating them that way. Whatever advice I'd give them, I should apply to myself. The same is true for you...you deserve to be treated the same way you'd hope someone would treat your daughter.

[Luna]

I'm sorry for all of that, Bridget.

Katie! Nice to see you in here! I'm *possibly* moving to NY, because DH may have a job offer there. Although he just said the other day that he doesn't think we should move if I am pg, so if I'm right maybe this is all a waste of time. I wish I could know for sure before tomorrow. I do think he's right, because if I quit my job here (and I would want to give them notice right away because of my contract), they will drop my benefits and I'd have to do Cobra until I start a new job, which wouldn't be until Sept for a school job in NY. So it may not make sense to move right now. We'll see.

What are the penalties for breaking your contract last-minute? Ours is something like a $500 penalty. . .which isn't so bad. Wouldn't his new job offer insurance for you, too??

I really hope it works so that you get everything you want. . .but know things will unfold as they're supposed to. . .

[AmeriBrit]

Bridget, I think he tries to tear you down because of his own failings. Man, I feel so angry for you! I don't know how I could move on from something like that happening without having another row about what was said. Ugh. I'm so sorry Kai has the scabies now. I hope you can treat them quickly and he doesn't suffer with them much.

The other day when I was with the school mummies at a play place, they were all talking about their physical ailments (mostly piles and thrush) and I just sat there thinking, 'I sure must be lucky to have never had piles or thrush.' And then BOOM! Saturday morning I woke up with thrush! I treated it quickly and am much better now, but dude, that thrush is painful stuff! I told one of my friends I must have been feeling left out. I suppose having thrush is better than having piles!!!!

A funny story to share with y'all from today; when we were at SIL's we noticed that Travis and his cousin R had gone upstairs to play, so SIL went to check on them. She came downstairs laughing and said they'd changed in to pajamas and were jumping on the bed. About half an hour later, DH went to check on them again and they'd found some swimming trunks and were in the bath tub letting the water drip in to the drain! Those 2 are so funny when they're together. I can imagine when they're teenagers, they are going to be a gang of hooligans!

[Gwenn]

Ours is 5% of the contract, which is a lot. I don't know any details about the job he is looking at other than it's a cooking position in a high end hotel restaurant. It may not offer benefits, or at least not good ones. It's not a formal offer at this point but an opportunity.

[Ky'sMom]

Bridget so sorry Kai has the scabies... ugh!! And I so understand your feelings about your DBF, my DH has done things like that before. He also is really nice afterwards and just acts like nothing happened but I am not one to let it slide and I usually spoke to him about it the same day and he would apologize and we would talk about where all that came from. My DH is the only person in my life (other than myself) that makes me feel self conscious or just second guess what I am doing. I really thought and still do that I put too much effort into "us" so to speak, too much of myself into "us" and when he does sh!tty things like that it just really deflates me so I so understand how you must feel. Luckily that hasn't happened to us in years, since I left him years ago. He has his moments of stupidity but nothing like the barrages he used to do.

Maybe he is just lashing out on you due to stress over the new job as well. DH has admitted to me that he used to do that and he still does this to an extent, like the situation I mentioned to you ladies when we went to Burger King and he was going on and on and on. We talked about that and he did say that he is just having a rough time dealing with his dad's death and he was just taking it out on me and that I didn't deserve it. I know it still does have an effect though, when someone you care for degrades you like that, but I know my DH doesn't deal well with emotions well, especially stress or sadness or death or frustration and he expels those feelings the only way he knows how - with anger so I am a softy and I cut him some slack even though I don't think I should in all instances.

Erin

[raspberry]

has anyone had gnocchi before? we checked out the new Trader Joes, and bought some ww gnocchi and I didn't like it at all. Maybe I cooked wrong? too little or too much it's was just sorta gummy and tasteless. blech.

Bridget, so sorry your dbf is lashing out at you. There is no way you deserve that.

Poor Elle, I'll bet she will miss her brother. But won't Ky have a fun trip!

Mandy, thinking of you and hoping this it!!!!

Ash, how funny about Travis and his cousin. It's great that they are growing up together. All my cousins were much older than me, so I never experienced cousin's as playmates. And now G is in the same boat as me, his closest cousin on my side is 17 years old. Gilly calls M his best friend,and wants to play cars with him. My nephew is a good sport about it, but you can tell he doesn't really want to entertain his 3 year old cousin lol

[Bridget]

Erin, you are right that it's probably other worries that have him lashing out. When he was stressed about the big move from HI to WI he dealt with that by sleeping with other women. So we've established that he doesn't deal well with stress and/or change but I sure am tired of being the doormat.

Ash, I also meant to comment on Travis and his cousin. That is so cute and so great. I have such great memories of hanging out with my cousins when I was a kid. One of my cousins I spent tons of time with is still one of my best friends.

[Cosmosmom]

Bridget, I'm sorry that you are having such a rough time.

L, that is not a good tick story. though maybe there isn't such a thing as a good tick story. I grew up in southeast WI in a city type area. Ticks were not common at all and not something we looked for. Now I'm up in northwestern WI and ticks are a HUGE deal. I have already gotten four off the dogs or us in the past two weeks (and one of those I was out of town so it doesn't count). And that is from my freaking lawn....which is cut short and I don't really have any trees yet. Only one out front and it's not huge. And pretty much everyone local I know has either had Lyme or knows someone who has. I'm going to have such a hard time letting my child play outside up here in the summer. At least the dogs I can give them lyme vax and I do frontline.


I wish I had cousins my age. My cousins are 7 and 9 yrs old. LOL Really they should be MY kids based on age. But my mom had us young, and her sister is 7 yrs younger and didn't adopt the kids until she was in her early 40's.
Good news for me though is I'm waiting for my baby and I think that my sister and her gf are going to try to have a baby in the next year or two tops. So we should have cousins for our kids who are pretty close in age. Good since I see me only having one and I think my sister might have only one.

[Gwenn]

Shelley, I love gnocchi done right. It is hard to cook right and it's hard to find a good brand store-bought. I prefer it from restaurants but there is a store here that makes their own and sells it frozen that I like. It's better with Alfredo sauce, where it can soak up all the cream and butter. I'm not a fan of it with tomato sauce which is what you usually see.

[missychrissy]

The other day when I was with the school mummies at a play place, they were all talking about their physical ailments (mostly piles and thrush) and I just sat there thinking, 'I sure must be lucky to have never had piles or thrush.' And then BOOM! Saturday morning I woke up with thrush! I treated it quickly and am much better now, but dude, that thrush is painful stuff! I told one of my friends I must have been feeling left out. I suppose having thrush is better than having piles!!!!

A funny story to share with y'all from today; when we were at SIL's we noticed that Travis and his cousin R had gone upstairs to play, so SIL went to check on them. She came downstairs laughing and said they'd changed in to pajamas and were jumping on the bed. About half an hour later, DH went to check on them again and they'd found some swimming trunks and were in the bath tub letting the water drip in to the drain! Those 2 are so funny when they're together. I can imagine when they're teenagers, they are going to be a gang of hooligans!

I'm always amazed at what people will share with each other. I don't mean us...for some reason in this group I feel safe sharing everything. Maybe it's me that's the oddball but I'd never admit to anyone irl that I had the piles. I don't even talk about it happening when I was pregnant. Thankfully, it only happened twice and only lasted a couple days each time so it wasn't a big deal. heck, I didn't even share that on APA till now!! Y'all are special. You get to hear the really good stories.

Yesterday I was introduced to someone for the first time and our mutual friend said that she didn't get out much (as in a bar) and the new girl instantly said, "Yeah, I've been locked up most my life." :shocker" Her first words to me. She didn't elaborate. I don't want to know!

about the cousins!!! I had a blast with mine growing up too...and yeah, the teen years are going to be golden. You're in for it!!!

Ours is 5% of the contract, which is a lot. I don't know any details about the job he is looking at other than it's a cooking position in a high end hotel restaurant. It may not offer benefits, or at least not good ones. It's not a formal offer at this point but an opportunity.

Yikes, that is high. Yowzer!

Maybe he is just lashing out on you due to stress over the new job as well. DH has admitted to me that he used to do that and he still does this to an extent, like the situation I mentioned to you ladies when we went to Burger King and he was going on and on and on. We talked about that and he did say that he is just having a rough time dealing with his dad's death and he was just taking it out on me and that I didn't deserve it. I know it still does have an effect though, when someone you care for degrades you like that, but I know my DH doesn't deal well with emotions well, especially stress or sadness or death or frustration and he expels those feelings the only way he knows how - with anger so I am a softy and I cut him some slack even though I don't think I should in all instances.

Erin

This is a good point too. While Rich doesn't do it to me, when he's stressed he does get short patience with the kids or animals. I still don't like it and it was one of the reasons I'm in my own apartment.

Erin, you are right that it's probably other worries that have him lashing out. When he was stressed about the big move from HI to WI he dealt with that by sleeping with other women. So we've established that he doesn't deal well with stress and/or change but I sure am tired of being the doormat.

Yeah, they're not appropriate ways to handle stress. He can learn different ways. And no one expects him to be perfect or change over night, but sleeping with other women or behaving the way he did yesterday need to stop altogether. imo. He shouldn't feel the need to tear you down in order to feel better about himself. You're his partner. You're supposed to both support and encourage the other. That's it.

[Gwenn]

My niece is 17 and my nephews are 13 and almost 13. I am sad that my children won't be kids together with them. My sister is done having kids - she is 46 and chronically ill. My brother is divorced and in a long term relationship with a girl we all really like, and she is a little younger than me. I don't know if they plan to marry or have kids, but i would really love it if they had a baby around the same time I do. I don't expect them to, though. I know my brother is extremely gun shy about marriage.

I always thought I didn't fit in age with my cousins, but I have one 2.5 years older, one 3 years,older, and had one 4 years younger who I was really close to growing up. I'm getting to know my 2.5 year older cousin pretty well and I love it.