Secular Confessions

[missychrissy]

Speaking of health insurance...I might have mentioned it but I forget. My insurance isn't going to be offered after this year, so in November I have to pick an Aetna plan. The closest one they have to what I currently subscribe to is $60/month more than what I'm paying Health Now, and it doesn't look like any of my usual providers participate. I'm not totally upset, but I'm not happy. I'm also a bit ticked knowing that between this year and next, our yearly June raises probably won't cover the $60/month increase.

Cornell used to give good raises, but since I started it's been 0-2% each year. Being happy I have a job isn't really working for me any more. I feel like those of us that have worked harder with less colleagues should be reimbursed for the extra effort. The same work load is there-if not more-but with less people.

I know it's like that all over. Tonight I'm starting to feel a bit bitter about it.

[Gwenn]

Tell me about it. I'm right there with you.

We had Aetna for a while. Personally, I think they sucked. We all had the same issues with them not accepting any of our doctors. We have a different plan now, and it's much easier to find a doctor.

[missychrissy]

Ugh. Figures, more cost, less coverage...or at least less choice. One of my coworkers said the closest participating provider to him is 1 hour away from his house. His wife is expecting their 2nd baby in August, so it's going to make a huge impact on them.

I really, really hate our health care system in this country. Despise it.

[Gwenn]

The whole insurance network thing is BS in my opinion. A doctor who is fully licensed has passed rigorous education/evaluation/practicum/residency and what have you. Who is the insurance company to second guess the licensing authority of the state/jurisdiction the doctor is certified in? You should be able to go to any doctor who has the valid credentials, as far as I'm concerned.

Same for SLP's, of course ;)

[missychrissy]

Same for SLP's, of course ;)

Of course!

But with dr's and other medical providers, it's about $ first. I don't think the insurance companies care if the dr got his/her license from a crack jack box. I've never been made aware of an insurance dropping a dr (or other provider) for malpractice/ethical concerns, but some dr's/providers have discontinued contracting with health insurance companies for failing to pay or denying necessary treatment.

Profit has no place in health care. It should be an elementary concept.

[Ky'sMom]

I think a breaker in our electrical panel has tripped and I am tripping because I am considering changing it myself. I am usually a Ms. Fix It but I usually don't mess with electrical panels. I have seen breakers changed before though and they aren't difficult to do. We spent a lot of money between my FILs funeral, going to see his grandma this weekend and some other things that have come up and I so don't want to pay an electrician $100-$200 to come and change a breaker I can buy for $10.

Erin

[Bridget]

Erin, if you fix that breaker can you then come over and fix my garbage disposal? Then marry me

[missychrissy]

Erin, if you fix that breaker can you then come over and fix my garbage disposal? Then marry me

Seriously Erin-be careful!

[Bridget]

Such a strange thing happened today. I have been taking care of this one family for about 4 years now and the youngest is now 3. It's just been her here this week so I am like oversupervising since her and Kai play so well they hardly need me. Well a few hours after she went home I get a text from mom, "Just so you know, Kai bit G today." WHA??? So right away I ask him and he tells me no way so I call her and ask her if G has a mark and she says, "Yes, he left teeth marks." Then she added it's not big deal and kids will be kids. Geez, I felt defensive! I don't think my kids are perfect angels by any stretch but Kai would not lie to me. At least he never has. And the other thing is, where does she presume I was while my son was biting her daughter? I'm right there all flippin day so nothing like that could happen without my knowledge. So I asked her if she would please ask G if her and Kai were having a fight when it happened and let me know what she says. 10 minutes later she texts, "Nevermind. She bit herself. She's in timeout for lying."
The girl, whatever. She's a kid. I've got no qualms about that but for a millisecond I felt a little put out by the tone of the text. "Just so you know..."

Eh, I'm also insanely sleep deprived and stressed so quite possible over sensitive. This mom tells me a lot how much she appreciates me so I'm going to let it go but had to tell the story anyway.

[missychrissy]

I would have felt the same way...as either of you. Especially at that age. I'm sure she was confident that her daughter wasn't lying when she called you Bridget and didn't mean anything by the 'just so you know' comment other than...just so you know. I know I never expected my daycare providers to have their eyes peeled on my kids the entire time they were there...just going to pee opens the door for 'something' to happen.

BUT-I've been the mom that was called and I know how that feels too. It's instinctive to feel defensive, even while intellectually knowing 'kids will be kids'

[Gwenn]

I agree with Chrissy. I think in both your situations I would have acted the same way. I'm glad the truth came out eventually.

[3andMe]

Ah, Bridget, that would have freaked me out too, but I did not get anything from the tone of her texts at all except her trying to be very casual and just FYI about it. You know, just so you know. Not that she's upset, but she just thought it might be something that you would want to know about because she would probably want to know about it in your position. She said kids will be kids and that it's no big deal. Texting is not the venue to reassure you that she knows you watch them carefully and it wasn't your fault -- she probably thought that goes without saying. She just wanted to let you know. "Just so you know," you know?

I liked that you were able to quickly ask about the context, and thus determine that the other girl was making it up, in front of her mom. It probably didn't occur to the mom to question it either, especially with the bite mark, and esp. if it was a new behavior on her part.

You know how some people post on APA informative articles with the subject, "FYI" and whatever the subject is about? Some people just hate that and bristle remarkably at that and think it's the snottiest thing in the world to start anything with FYI. Other people are just dumbfounded that they are upset and say that it's actually For Your Information and why would anyone get upset that I'm saying that? So it might be a cultural/regional thing, too. I would have taken the mom's text as something intended to soften the next statement, not something to get put out by, but I know, only after being on APA and seeing these threads, that others feel that these kinds of words are offensive. I guess just like "ma'am" is an insult to me but polite necessity to others.

I'm sorry you've been so stressed out and sleep deprived lately!!!!

And sorry to do the quick dive in and out. I'm exhausted and going to bed early. I'm off work until Saturday, though, so I should have time to catch up soon.

[Bridget]

Yeah, you guys are right. And of course we should/would both assume our kids are telling the truth. Poor Kai, after I questioned him about it the second time and told him that G has a bite mark he was thinking so hard and said, "Maybe my mouth was open and she bumped into me? Hmmm, I don't remember that happening either." Then of course I apologized and told him she bit herself and he laughed so hard. He's such a sweet kid. When I was giving him a bath he had a big scrape on his arm so I asked him what happened and he got this evil little grin and said all mysteriously, "Sooo, I guess G was the one who bit ME after all!"

Looks like dbf is going to start this new job. Lots of travel. We still have to hammer out the details but he sounds excited about the whole thing and it's cool to see him excited about something. Everyone thinks he's overconfident but really he's insecure and over compensating. He's really a much cooler person when he is doing something that builds his confidence. Aren't we all, I suppose. Lots of life changes will come with this. Bring em on!

[Gwenn]

Congrats to dbf! That's great!

[demigraf]

Whoo for M, Bridget! (I am in agreement with the other women here about the mom's text, if only because I have been in the position where I've tried to sound totally casual about something so as not to make it seem like I'm making a big deal out of it, only to give off the impression that what I'm saying has, like, grave consequences or something. I kind of suck at playing it cool even when it really isn't a big deal.)

I was told by Bodhi's teacher today... three teachers surrounded me to tell me this, actually... that Bodhi grabbed a pair of kiddie scissors and gave his little buddy Amelia some new bangs. They were trying to laugh it off, but I was kind of taken aback. Where were they when he was playing barber? Why were the scissors out in broad daylight? What if he'd stabbed her in the eye with them? They said: "We're lucky that you're cool & Matt (Amelia's dad) is cool. We knew we could tell you and you'd think it was hilarious." I literally grimaced, which I never do, and said, "Well, hopefully the next time, those scissors will be kept out of reach." And then I recovered with a small smile. I think I kind of blew whatever "cool" cache they thought I had, but seriously, is that a laughing matter? I mean, the little girl is adorable. Still. And Bodhi really only took wisps off her, and his excuse was that "my mom cuts my hair for me like this". I probably came off as a humorless grump. Can't do anything about that. At least I got the chance to apologize to her father and offer to pay for a professional haircut for her.

I want to share one other thing that made me so proud of B last night. He is seeing a new naturopath, and she recommended we start specific brands probiotic, DHA & this herbal remedy for restoring calmness (called Calm Restore for anyone curious). Anyway, the stuff came in the mail, so last night, I tried to put the probiotic and Calm drops it in his milk, and he went "Yuck!. You made it yucky and sweet!" I implored him to finish his milk just that one time, because the "medicine" in it was important and I didn't want it to go to waste. I promised I wouldn't prepare his milk that way ever again. Long story short, he was such a champ, getting the rest of his milk down. He made a game of it, slugging down a few sips, making yuk-face, then burying his face in his pillow pretending it was making him pass out. Then he'd go back for more sips, repeating the process until it was all gone. I tasted the stuff. It was awful. I totally get why he truly didn't want it. I'm just so proud of the way he plodded on through something he really didn't want to do and kept a sense of humor about it. My little baby boy is getting all growns up.

[missychrissy]

L, I'm with the ladies that are flabbergasted about why FYI could be offensive. goodness! But I'm totally with you on ma'am being insulting. For me, it's something you say to old ladies and I'm not old!

Congratulations to dbf & you Bridget! That's awesome! How soon is this going to get started?

Bobbie & Jesi cut each other's hair when my cousin was watching them. They were 2 & 3 at the time. I laughed. They really cut it too-right up to the bottoms of their ears. In fact, Bobbie even snipped Jesi's ear a bit. I guess I always thought it was a right of passage, even though I don't ever recall cutting my own hair (or anyone else's) till I was a teen.

But that's really awesome how he took his medicine so bravely

Last night I was so tired. I was supposed to have dinner at Rich's with the kids, but I was nodding off on his couch and I decided to go home. Conner said, "Bye Mom!" all cheerful and in a way, that was worse than him being sad. Not for him, of course, but for me. It's also made me worry about next week. Cornell is hosting their annual reunion and it's a big deal. Over time will start on Wednesday for me, and Wednesday is when I start losing steam! I'm working 8-8 Wed, 8-5 Thur (usually get out at 4:30), 12-10 Friday and then 2-7 on Saturday. I haven't worked OT since I was 22. I think I might die! But I'm glad I'm hourly...the extra $ will be nice.

[Bridget]

Big hugs to you, Chrissy. It has to be so hard saying goodbye to that boy every night. Is Jes still home?

Mylah, you are right to question the way those teacher handled it. Not that haircutting is a huge deal in and of itself, but unsupervised scissor use certainly is. And for them to assume you find it "hilarious" totally gives me an eyebrow raise. Good on Bodhi for drinking the gross milk!

[missychrissy]

Ugh, that's the other thing, Jesi returned to her tent in the woods yesterday. I don't know why that life is more attractive that living with either me or her dad.

[AmeriBrit]

L, I'm with the ladies that are flabbergasted about why FYI could be offensive. goodness! But I'm totally with you on ma'am being insulting. For me, it's something you say to old ladies and I'm not old!

What do you call a lady then if you don't know her name and you need to get her attention? In Arkansas, if you're over 18 and a girl, you're 'ma'am' to strangers. I don't call people that here. I either say 'Miss'/'Mister' or 'dude!' if I'm being very casual.

I've seen that about people being huffy about the 'fyi' thing. I think some people just like to be offended by every little thing. There isn't much that offends me.

Sorry about the health insurance issue, Chrissy. I can never get my head around non-socialist healthcare. I realize how British I've become when I think about how I moved over at the beginning of my adulthood and have no idea about how the healthcare over there works, paying bills, buying a car or anything like that.

And wow, Myles, those teachers should not have been laughing like that. I suppose they were trying to cover up how serious it could have been?

After all of our nice summer-time weather we had for a week, it's now rainy and cool. Maybe the sun will return before the Fall. sigh.

[missychrissy]

What do you call a lady then if you don't know her name and you need to get her attention? In Arkansas, if you're over 18 and a girl, you're 'ma'am' to strangers. I don't call people that here. I either say 'Miss'/'Mister' or 'dude!' if I'm being very casual.

If I need to get a female stranger's attention, I say, "Excuse me..." very politely. I don't call anyone sir, ma'am, or even miss. But if people call me miss, that doesn't offend me. For whatever reason, every time someone calls me ma'am I cringe. Almost as bad as I cringe when people call me Chris. I cannot stand being called Chris, even though it doesn't bother me on other people.

[Ky'sMom]

I would have given an eyebrow raise regarding the hair cut too Myles. My brother cut off one of my long ponytails when I was 3. I remember it - the sound of the scissors and his face that was really concentrating on getting my braid off. I have very thick hair and it took him a while. He was telling me to be still so he wouldn't cut my ear. I don't know why I let him do it. My mom screamed very loud and for a long time when she saw me and my brother got a spanking for it. He had put the pony tail in the big ash tray we had on our coffee table. It still had a barrette at the end of it, a blue one. Luckily my hair grows really fast as I had to have a very short hair cut but it was nearly the same length as before a year later.

DH is bad about watching Elle with scissors. She cut up all our documents for our family reunion next year right in front of him while I was away on the cruise last month. He asked her if I let her use those scissors and she told him I did and he just believed her and let her cut up a bunch of our mail. Unfortunately, she has been starting to lie a lot lately so I don't believe the things she says. I don't know why since she doesn't get "in trouble" or anything for telling the truth and most of the things I ask her about that are naughty that she did, aren't a big deal and she is usually not punished. I think she is picking it up from daycare as the lady said that a couple of the kids there tell "whoppers" all the time and she even admitted to me that she encourages them to do this. I told her that I don't like teaching my kids to lie because then I don't feel I can trust the things they say. She told me they are "just playing." I don't like it and it is making me increase the speed of finding Elle a new school for next year, plus they are starting to get more religious to me,
Elle says they tell her about Jesus a lot and I asked her about it and she did know quite a bit about Jesus, which isn't bad IMO but I just don't think it is the responsibility of the daycare to preach to my kids. Prayers before food don't bother me or even nap times or even kiddie religious songs, but actual sermons are a different thing, especially with Elle because she has a super memory and will remember most everything that you tell her. I don't mind it in a way since I don't mind answering her questions about it, but I just don't think that a daycare that is not labeled as religious in any way should be evangelizing preschoolers. Oddly enough though one of the schools I am looking at sending her too and that is on the top of my list is a Seventh Day Adventist school. I don't know much about them though so am doing some research. The only thing I know is that they eat very healthy, which for me is a plus. Many of them are vegans or vegetarians and they have the longest longevity in our country that many contribute to their diet. Finding schools with healthy food is a challenge plus they are only 2 blocks away from Ky's school so they are the preferred choice right now unless I find out something crazy about their denomination.

Chrissy, like I have told you all, I don't like camping so I SO don't see Jesi's desire to live in the woods. I am guessing it is about freedom though. Nothing is more free than the wilderness. I hope she is being responsible though in not getting into drugs and having protected sex while she's out there.

Congrats to your DBF Bridget!! I hope the job turns out the way he wants it too. Changes are exciting.

And I have decided to go ahead and change the breaker. I'm going to take out the old one tonight and take it to Lowe's to get the right one and put it back in. Hopefully that solves the problem. My bedroom is the only room affected in the house and I need to have the ceiling fan on at night, otherwise I can't sleep. I had a horrible night last night with no fan and had to turn the AC down to 75 when usually I don't even turn on the AC at night unless it is really hot.

Erin

[Bridget]

When I worked in Hawaii all the southern military young men would call me ma'am. "Thank you, Ma'am" every time I served them a drink. At first I was like AH!!! Stop calling me that! But then I had a group of regulars explain that their mamas had taught them that since they could talk and what kind of men would they be if they didn't listen to their mamas? I asked if their mamas also taught them to drink so much tequila they could hardly walk out the door at closing time.

I learned to take it as it was meant, a term of respect. But it made me feel old.

[Bridget]

Oh Erin, that would bug me, the preaching. You are right it is not their place. I take care of a little girl who preaches to us but what can I do? She's four! lol

[AmeriBrit]

Travis came home with a paperback new testament version bible from school yesterday; they gave one to all the kids along with a leather bookmark to celebrate the queen's diamond jubilee. A lot of the parents I saw afterwards were not happy about that. Some were saying they were going to be taking the bibles back to school and say that they should be giving our korans and all other religious documents if they're going to be giving out anything at all. Travis quickly forgot about his, so I'll just put it away and I suppose it might be a cute keepsake for him when he's older to say, 'hey, the school gave you this when you were little and the queen was still around.'

[Ky'sMom]

Elle's daycare gave her a whole bible last year. They also took her to vacation bible school at their church across the street without asking me or getting me to sign a slip giving them permission to take her off the grounds. I was really bothered by it and told them that I didn't appreciate them taking her off of the daycare property without my permission and that I didn't want her going to vacation bible school. She was only 2 at the time anyway and most VBSs don't even take kids as young as her, you have to be 5.

I don't mind VBS. I have great memories of asking them endless questions about our colorful, illustrated bible story work books and getting kicked out of class for asking such questions and being rewarded by my great grandma, who was the church secretary by being made to get snack ready for the other kids. I got to swipe some cheese puffs and punch while setting up snack. It is funny to me because I always though our church during VBS had the BEST cheese puffs and punch. I found out all my cousins and even the kids I set up snack for thought the same thing! The snack was the main reason we wanted to go to VBS.

Erin

[missychrissy]

And I have decided to go ahead and change the breaker. I'm going to take out the old one tonight and take it to Lowe's to get the right one and put it back in. Hopefully that solves the problem. My bedroom is the only room affected in the house and I need to have the ceiling fan on at night, otherwise I can't sleep. I had a horrible night last night with no fan and had to turn the AC down to 75 when usually I don't even turn on the AC at night unless it is really hot.

Erin

Is it possible you need a bigger breaker? I'm sure I'm going to mess this up, but I think we have 15 whatevers (ampage?) and Rich has talked about putting bigger ones in because we have so much on a couple of our circuits. Right now, he can't turn the coffee pot on if the dishwasher is running because the window ac unit and Conner's desktop are plugged into the same circuit. I don't know what bigger is...20? Can you just buy a bigger one and stick it in the same hole? These are things I do not know. But worth thinking about, especially if you change the breaker with the exact same thing and it continues to blow.

[missychrissy]

I do think it's 15 amp breaker and Rich has talked about getting a 20 amp one instead. But like I said...I really don't know if it's as simple as sticking a different one in or if there's more to it than that.

[missychrissy]

I loved vacation bible school when I was a kid. I let my girls go when they were little and would let Conner go as well if he wanted to.

[Suja]

Bridget, YAY! for DBF. I hope he is happy with his work.

Myles, I would've been upset with that as well. Although, they do allow scissor "work" in Mira's class. But they aren't going around cutting each other's hair, just some strips of paper. I can't remember an scissors incidents from childhood. The only one remotely related was when my Evil Little Brother put gum in my hair, and I ended up having to get a really weird haircut because of it. I remember crying my eyes out.

Chrissy, I can TOTALLY see wanting to live in the woods. What you lack in comfort is made up for the freedom and the oneness with nature. I have 'nature girl' tendencies, though. I'm sure it isn't sustainable in the long run, and she will come home soon.

Good luck with the breaker, Erin. I'm pretty handy and don't mind doing that sort of work around the house, but electricals give me pause. I have changed tons of breakers (it's been a while though), and it is pretty easy.

[Ky'sMom]

Is it possible you need a bigger breaker? I'm sure I'm going to mess this up, but I think we have 15 whatevers (ampage?) and Rich has talked about putting bigger ones in because we have so much on a couple of our circuits. Right now, he can't turn the coffee pot on if the dishwasher is running because the window ac unit and Conner's desktop are plugged into the same circuit. I don't know what bigger is...20? Can you just buy a bigger one and stick it in the same hole? These are things I do not know. But worth thinking about, especially if you change the breaker with the exact same thing and it continues to blow.

I was thinking of getting a larger one. I think it is a 20 amp though in the bedroom already. Our house was completely rewired only 5 years ago by an electrician due to vandalism that occurred before we bought the house. He put in a new braeker box and we got all new wires. The bank, which owned the house, paid them about $4K to do this and they were a very reputable company so I am hoping they gave us the ampage we needed.

I remember watching my step grandfather change a breaker once and all he did was turn off the power, unscrew the wire, take the thing out and put a new one in and make sure the wire was screwed back in (not really screwed, but touching the breaker, kind of hard to explain). It basically snapped in on top of the wire. I watched a youtube video also last night about it and it was the same scenario. Ours looks newer than what was in the video though so I am hoping that it is just as simple as the video and what I remember. I know the electrician will charge $100-$200 to change it and I would rather change it myself than pay all that. If there is still a problem after changing it, I will call the electrician.

Erin