Secular Confessions

[Cosmosmom]

I am in agreement that mixing pain pills and alcohol is an AWFUL idea. I like getting my drink on but would never do that! I could have seen me pouring out all the beer in the house in your case so you are definitely not a b*tch about it!

And Christina...that all sounds really reasonable to me as well. He is in your home, he obeys your rules. Otherwise he knows where the door is.

[missychrissy]

You are right. He is SO young, but SO immature. I just have a hard time connecting with him at this age. It's such a self centered, ignorant, nothing can touch me sort of mentality that I never really had so I don't understand it. I graduated, got married, got a job here at the Credit Union, and went to college. I don't understand the need to party and act stupid It seems like such a waste of energy.

Boys mature slower-MUCH slower-than girls. He's my daughter's age and although she has a job and is in college, you've read some of the crap she's put us through lately. Teenagers are simply insane. There's no getting around it.

[missychrissy]

I am in agreement that mixing pain pills and alcohol is an AWFUL idea. I like getting my drink on but would never do that! I could have seen me pouring out all the beer in the house in your case so you are definitely not a b*tch about it!

I've actually thrown beer cans into the stream that runs through our back yard, including the darned mini-fridge that housed them in the basement

[Smplyme89]

Boys mature slower-MUCH slower-than girls. He's my daughter's age and although she has a job and is in college, you've read some of the crap she's put us through lately. Teenagers are simply insane. There's no getting around it.

I'll have to try to remember that. The whole thing drives me up the wall. I didn't like teenagers when *I* was a teenager I just don't get them

[Smplyme89]

I've actually thrown beer cans into the stream that runs through our back yard, including the darned mini-fridge that housed them in the basement

A woman after my own heart!!

Thankfully drinking is a non-issue here. DH doesn't like to drink and doesnt' particularly care for me doing it either. Not that he'd ever tell me I couldn't, because he enjoys having his manhood attached.

[missychrissy]

I'll have to try to remember that. The whole thing drives me up the wall. I didn't like teenagers when *I* was a teenager I just don't get them

I'm not making excuses for him, and I believe the rules you've set in place are healthy ones and I encourage you to stick with them, but at the same time remember everyone matures at their own pace, and everyone develops based on their own experiences. Even if you two experienced the same things, his reaction can be vastly different than yours. It's much easier said than done (remember, I'm dealing with Bobbie who sounds like she's nearly at the same page as your brother, just acting out differently), but positive encouragement to achieve the list of goals you listed before can work...and often is the only way that works. Nagging/witching/saying "you didn't____" will get neither of you anywhere. I'm kinda saying that to myself as well because while I fully believe it, when you're in the midst of another disappointment, it's hard to remember. Besides that...well, I have a hard enough time getting my 19 year old to take my advice. I'm not sure how receptive a brother will be to a sister, especially if he thinks that sister is trying to 'mother' him.

I am 3.5 years older than my brother though and I was able to tell my brother what I thought and he'd at least take what I had to say into consideration. He hasn't always done what I thought was best, but again, he's his own person.

A woman after my own heart!!

I can truly get redneck. I try not to, but it's happened. Bridget's dbf doesn't know what beotch is, I'm sure.

[Smplyme89]

I'm not making excuses for him, and I believe the rules you've set in place are healthy ones and I encourage you to stick with them, but at the same time remember everyone matures at their own pace, and everyone develops based on their own experiences. Even if you two experienced the same things, his reaction can be vastly different than yours. It's much easier said than done (remember, I'm dealing with Bobbie who sounds like she's nearly at the same page as your brother, just acting out differently), but positive encouragement to achieve the list of goals you listed before can work...and often is the only way that works. Nagging/witching/saying "you didn't____" will get neither of you anywhere. I'm kinda saying that to myself as well because while I fully believe it, when you're in the midst of another disappointment, it's hard to remember. Besides that...well, I have a hard enough time getting my 19 year old to take my advice. I'm not sure how receptive a brother will be to a sister, especially if he thinks that sister is trying to 'mother' him.

I am 3.5 years older than my brother though and I was able to tell my brother what I thought and he'd at least take what I had to say into consideration. He hasn't always done what I thought was best, but again, he's his own person.

My brother and I have always been pretty close and he has always been respectful of what I had to say (even if he didn't listen to it). Which is exactly why he has distanced himself from me for the past couple of years, he knows that I do not approve and have no interest in keeping my mouth shut about it. I won't be mothering him and there will be no "You didn't..." situations because I no longer have any interest in helping him. He needs to help himself. Js biggest problem is that everyone has been pacifying him for.... well forever.

My rules aren't that difficult. No drinking or drugs in my house, I don't need him stomping around at all hours of the night, and he needs to make some progress on moving forward with his life. Other than that, I realy don't care what he does. I don't imagine that this will last very long anyways, I don't see him being able to handle being sober on a day to day basis.

I know it doesn't sound like I care, but I do. I love him and wish that we could still be as close as we were, but that is not the situation we are in. He has done aot of things over the past couple years that have brought my respect for him down to pretty much nothing. He will always be my brother and I will always love him, but I won't allow him to hurt this family anymore. That includes pitting us against each other, cussing out my mom, and having her run out in the middle night to help his drunk stupid self, leaving her upset, and me to deal with it. It's like dealing with my dad on another level, and I hate it.

[Smplyme89]

I can truly get redneck. I try not to, but it's happened. Bridget's dbf doesn't know what beotch is, I'm sure.

Bridget is a SAINT. Seriously.

There have been few situations where DH has caused me to get redneck (I love that term btw ), but I am actually pretty quick to do so if warranted

[missychrissy]

I know it doesn't sound like I care, but I do. I love him and wish that we could still be as close as we were, but that is not the situation we are in. He has done aot of things over the past couple years that have brought my respect for him down to pretty much nothing. He will always be my brother and I will always love him, but I won't allow him to hurt this family anymore. That includes pitting us against each other, cussing out my mom, and having her run out in the middle night to help his drunk stupid self, leaving her upset, and me to deal with it. It's like dealing with my dad on another level, and I hate it.

It doesn't sound like you don't care at all. I totally get it.

Bridget is a SAINT. Seriously.

There have been few situations where DH has caused me to get redneck (I love that term btw ), but I am actually pretty quick to do so if warranted

No kidding!

[Bridget]

Aw shucks. I'm actually not as nice as I seem. I'm very sarcastic or as dbf likes to say "brutal". lol

[missychrissy]

He hasn't worn a beer can or rolling pin upside his head. Ergo, you're nicer than me. lol

[Gwenn]

A rolling pin? LOL!

I'm done with work for the school year, girls! Yay!!!!

[AmeriBrit]

I'm done with work for the school year, girls! Yay!!!!

Wooooot wooot!

[Gwenn]

Every year at this time, I remember why I choose to work for the school district! LOL

[Cosmosmom]

Yeah for Mandy! Lucky girl! Makes the headaches seem more worth it.

[Bridget]

Sweet summer!

[missychrissy]

I'm done with work for the school year, girls! Yay!!!!

Every year at this time, I remember why I choose to work for the school district! LOL

I'm a wee bit jealous. When I was in the walk-in having my lip looked at, the NP asked what I did for a living and when I said "IT at Cornell" she said, "Oh, so you must be almost done for the year." Yeah right. I wish!! I don't think there are any 10 month IT positions there. If there are, whomever has them ain't quitting!

[girlwonder]

Long and stressful day today. ********WARNING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!This involves death, so please don't read any further if it bothers you. ********* Got a call at 8:30 from my dh, who is traveling out of town for his job. He was choking back tears and told me that his uncle killed himself. Not a blood uncle, but as close as you can get. A neighbor who DH has known since he was tiny. It was a shock and not what I could have envisioned for him. Apparently he had been very depressed for a couple of weeks about a diagnosis of dementia. He didn't want to be a burden on him family. So last night he got up from bed at about 10, told his wife "Mary, I'm going to go kill myself." She called my in-laws and 911, but by the time my FIL got over there, W had gone out to the shed, loaded a shotgun, sat down outside against the wall and pulled the trigger. My poor FIL did CPR until the ambulance got there. Then the body had to stay there on the ground until the ME could declare it a suicide and apparently it took hours and hours, so everyone saw the scene (W's kids and grandkids and anyone else driving by). Just awful. I just found tonight out about the dementia diagnosis, and that for some reason really helps because now I know that he had a good reason in his own mind why he was doing it. But it is still so sad and awful to think about. My MIL was demanding that she have all her family there with her because she was so upset. At first I was trying to figure out a way to get there, trying to get a pet sitter for my cat, etc. but after about an hour of thinking about it I realized that the last place I want to take J is a place where she will more than likely overhear a conversation about a guy shooting himself in the head, etc. So DH will stay in Dallas until Sunday evening and we will have to go back another weekend in June. It does make me sad that W won't be there. He was a pretty interesting guy - so lively and a forceful strong personality. We were completely on opposite sides politically but I really enjoyed talking with him about his woodworking projects. He was the only person who I have ever heard say without irony or raised eyebrow: "Want a snort?" while holding out a gigantic tumbler of whisky rocks. My dh and I used to giggle about that, but he said it every time we were at his house. I don't know how his wife will do without him. She had a stroke about three years ago and he was just devoted to her. Sad.

[missychrissy]

Oh Katy no! I'm so very, very heartbroken for you and your dh and his family. How tragic I wish I had something helpful to say. Words are so inadequate. Believe me, you're all in my heart right now and will be for days/weeks to come. Poor man.

[Gwenn]

I'm so sorry, Katy.

[AbbeysMom]

I'm so sorry Katy. I can definitely see why you would need to protect J from people talking about what happened... for you and your DH too.

[Smplyme89]

Mandy for the summer!!

Katy, that is awful

[Bridget]

Katy, I am so sorry for you and your family. That story just put my heart in my throat. How totally awful for everyone.

[AmeriBrit]

Katy, I am so sorry for your loss. It sounds like a truly tragic story.

[MashedUp]

So, so sorry for your loss. How tragic

[Ky'sMom]

Katy I'm so sorry for you loss. So sudden and tragic. Hugs to you and your family.

Erin

[Aelith]

Katy

[daylilies]

I was just stopping by and I wanted to say I'm so sorry Katy

[Cosmosmom]

I'm sorry Katy. How sad and awful that they couldn't at least keep most people away from the scene. I can understand why you said knowing about the dementia helps.

[3andMe]

So sorry, Katy.