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Thread: Secular Confessions

  1. #31951
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    Quote Originally Posted by demigraf View Post
    This ding talk reminds me of a time I was parked close to someone's car and had my hand over the spot that would have dug into my neighbor's paint job. Then I heard the window roll down and there was guy seated in the back: "Excuse me. Miss? I see you're being very careful not to scratch my vehicle, and that's awful nice of you. But this here vehicle's a piece of $#i+, so don't you worry too much about keeping it purty."
    awww!!!!

    I have no idea how I'd handle that with your friend. Probably say something vague about being busy all summer long and change the subject.

    Mama to Bobbie 20 ~ Jesi 18 ~ Syd 14 ~ Conner 6
    I'm gonna be a Gramama! Jesi is due 11/22/13


  2. #31952

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    I have heard about grabbing and scratching the crotch and acting nutty too LOL! I did it once and it did work but I don't like to act like a nut unless I am in that sort of mood, and honestly I do get in nutty moods sometimes.

    On your friend Myles, that is tough, especially for me because I would just probably be honest and say that it wasn't a great time last year but that maybe she and you can go somewhere special to hang out. Is she out of town? If so and she needs a place to crash maybe she can find a cheap hotel or something. I am getting to be horrible with making up excuses so most of the time just try to be honest in a not so mean sort of way.

    Erin

  3. #31953

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    Myles, I would put it all on my DH. I know he wouldn't mind, though. I'd just say that we had so many houseguests last year that he put his foot down and said we can't have anyone stay with us for a long while.



    lost our bean to Triploidy Sep 2010

  4. #31954

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    I don't know either, Myles. I am a big time conflict avoider to a fault and I'd probably just keep evading her calls or say we're busy. But I don't neccessarily think that's the right way to handle it, just what I'd do. I've been in a sort of similar situation with my bff because I don't want to be around her dh but I have gotten to the point where I'm sucking it up because she's moving back to Hawaii and if it's between not seeing her much before she leaves and I won't see her for years, or sucking it up and enduring her dh, I chose the latter. I am afraid that if I tell her he's not welcome, she will not come So they will probably be here next weekend but no one else will come since no one is willing to be around him.

    I'm pretty cautious around crazies but I wasn't when I used to drink too much. I once got punched in the face and my purse my got stolen and I don't even remember the details because I was so intoxicated but I am almost positive that I was probably being way to nice and friendly to someone I didn't know. Shiny happy hippy only gets you so far when some people just plain suck.

  5. #31955

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    I have never been punched in the face.

    But mean stealy people suck.
    D-Mama (37) D-Dada (43) and D-Baby (11/02/2011)


  6. #31956
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    Mylah, I can't give an answer until I know how much you actually want to see her and how/if you want to spend any time with her. If it were me, I would need another few years to recover from the experience. I don't know how you feel.


  7. #31957

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    http://www.livestrong.com/article/27...een-deodorant/

    The sunscreen recipe! I don't know if it was in this article or somewhere else but I did read that you could also just add 2 tbsp of zinc oxide powder to your favorite lotion. I used my homemade stuff today and be warned that it does show a little, like your skin is whitish after you apply but that doesn't bother me.

  8. #31958
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    Bridget, someone punched you in the face? lemme at 'em!!!

    Bobbie sent me a message at just about 4:00 that Syd had gotten off the bus in hysterics because some girls were telling her she'd be better off dead, no one would care if she died, and she should go home and die. Of course I was horrified. I tried to call Syd but she was so choked up she could barely talk and asked if she could tell me later. I said yes but when I got off the phone I realized everyone would be gone from the school by the time I got home and I did NOT want to wait till tomorrow morning to address it, so I called the school. Two different offices in fact and got answering machines. I left messages on both phones and one returned my call. I think her name was Joannne, but I don't know for sure. I have her direct line though and let me tell you-she was f'n rude! OMG! She was so horribly rude I was shaking and nearly threw up. For one, the school district has had 5 suicides in the last year and she denied they were due to bullying even though all the kids I've talked to said they had been bullied. And she said it in a snotty way too. "There is NO bullying going on in OUR school!" I told her I wasn't going to argue that point right now, but the fact remained those awful things had been said to my daughter and I wanted it addressed. She really wanted to get me off the phone and kept saying things like, "We need more details before we can do anything" and "If it happened on the bus, you need to take it up with the transportation office."

    I told her I wanted a number of someone I could talk to TONIGHT after I got the additional details because this was important. I said, "I realize everyone wants to go home and relax. So do I. But I also want to go home every night to an ALIVE daughter." She gave a heavy, exasperated sigh. I could have f'n smacked her. She said really snotty that she'd leave a message with the principal and MAYBE someone would call me later. I couldn't even say thank you in the same tone of voice she used on me because she immediately hung up on me! I'd also called her out on using bureaucratic BS regarding the rules when we're talking about kids encouraging a peer to go home and kill herself. I nearly said, "How do you sleep at night?" I'm still stunned that she was that careless, rude, cruel, and unfeeling.

    I immediately wrote the principal, vice principal, guidance office, super's office and assistant super's office in an email. I gave the woman's number and although I didn't go into any great detail, I did complain about how rude she was. I will follow up with it too after this is resolved with Sydney.

    Thankfully, the VP did call Rich and she was horrified (I heard her reaction) when he repeated what the girls had been saying to Sydney. She said that while she cannot discuss what punishment a child received, there is absolutely no tolerance for that and she's invited Rich and Sydney down to her office first thing in the morning. She was very kind and compassionate. I'm vastly relieved.

    I'm still telling on the b!tch that first returned my phone call. I have 1/2 a mind to march into her office myself.

    Mama to Bobbie 20 ~ Jesi 18 ~ Syd 14 ~ Conner 6
    I'm gonna be a Gramama! Jesi is due 11/22/13


  9. #31959

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    To answer your questions about my friend, honestly, I wouldn't mind spending an afternoon with her. I want to know what's happening at a detailed level with her custody case and give advice where I can. However, I don't want a prolonged visit, especially in my home because everything with her is pure drama. (It was that way even when her only drama was people buying her gifts that weren't on her baby registry.) I have fond memories of her from years ago, though, and she could really use some support and someone to give her ideas as to how she could choose to see/do things differently. She lives 6 hours away. She really loves the town we live in and has nostalgic memories of it, from even before last year's visit. It's the "not in my house and not for that long" that I'd have the hardest time explaining to her. How could I possibly say that without being hurtful? I am seriously considering Molly's idea of blaming DH.

    Bridget, anyone who'd punch you in the face and/or steal from you while you're being drunk & friendly must have had a few too many too.

  10. #31960

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    OMG! I would want to punch that Joanne in the face, Chrissy! I'm so sorry that such awful things were said to Syd. I'd be so hurt to hear those things if I were you.

  11. #31961
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    Syd felt better before I left. I wasn't going to go up there tonight, but I couldn't NOT go after that. Rich let her have a friend stay over night (on a school night!) and he's taking the morning off work to take the girls down to the assist. principal's office. He's going to call me and let me know what happens. My poor girl. It did hurt. I want to hit some 12/13 year olds myself.

    Mama to Bobbie 20 ~ Jesi 18 ~ Syd 14 ~ Conner 6
    I'm gonna be a Gramama! Jesi is due 11/22/13


  12. #31962

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    Chrissy, my heart hurts for you and Syd. How horrible. I hope those girls are punished. And I would definitely not that rude woman get away with her attitude. WTH??? This bullying is out of control and I find it so scary.
    Shelley-mom to DS, 6

  13. #31963

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    I'm so sorry that Syd went through that. And that woman should also not be allowed to continue in her position if she responds that way. At all.

    Mylah - I would blame it on your dh and just meet her at a little BnB for the night or something similar.

    I've been lurking a lot lately...

    "Any idiot can face a crisis; it is this day-to-day living that wears you out." -Anton Chekhov


  14. #31964
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    I don't know if you remember, but I recently complained that I've been having more cold sore break outs than ever. I used to get them 1-2x a year. Always did-since I was a small child. I've been having 1 a month for 4-6 months now. I think I'm going to call a dr and get a prescription. I don't know if it's stress or what but it's aggravating. This break-out is a monster too...one of the worst in recent memory.

    Mama to Bobbie 20 ~ Jesi 18 ~ Syd 14 ~ Conner 6
    I'm gonna be a Gramama! Jesi is due 11/22/13


  15. #31965

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    Chrissy - I always seem to get a cold sore when I'm most stressed out.

    Myles - You don't have to JADE (Justify, Argue, Defend, Explain) your decision. "We won't be able to host a weekend getaway this year, but I'd love to meet up in [xtown halfway btwn you two] for [a spa day or whatever]." Ta-done. If she asks why, tell her "it doesn't work for us". Not a lie.
    D-Mama (37) D-Dada (43) and D-Baby (11/02/2011)


  16. #31966
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    Mylah, why do any blaming at all? Do the No Excuse excuse. "I would love to meet up with you and catch up! Unfortunately, we cannot plan for house guests, but I am really looking forward to seeing you and talking for an evening. If you want to spend a weekend here, I can try to help you find some good places to stay that are close by and we can meet up. Let me know what your schedule is, and we can start trying to coordinate." If she asks why, what's going on, how come no house guests (which I wouldn't put past someone who has become a houseguest-non-grata), I would just reiterate that you can't plan for any friends to stay with you at present. Be non-specific, but firm. Pretend in your mind that it's a health issue that you don't feel comfortable sharing, and frankly, it is, in a way. It's your sanity and peace of mind. When they don't have any specific reason to argue against, they can't give you reasons to counter it. Maybe you needed to keep the space clear for parental visits? Maybe you needed to set up a new playroom or nursery? Maybe you're starting a hydroponics operation in one bedroom? Maybe you're remodeling? In any case, it's none of her business.

    Chrissy, all I can say is kids suck sometimes. I hope you can get some comfort to Syd and some sense to that school.

    I confronted someone years later who told me to die in high school, and I attempted suicide in a fit of misery later on that night. He was totally appalled when I told him about it as an adult. He thought we were just joking around. He felt awful. He actually did turn out to be a really decent human being, who has made an entire career out of being a much more moral person than I am, so I think he was just a stupid teenager and did not mean for me to die.
    Last edited by 3andMe; 05-21-2012 at 07:17 PM.


  17. #31967

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    Wow, L. I had no idea. It's hard to picture anyone being that cruel to you. It goes without saying it would have been a terrible waste if you'd succeded. Not just your Dh's and kids' loss but ours.

    Dana & L, I know what you're
    saying. It's generally my policy that people can't demand explanations from me when they're the ones asking for a favor. In her case, she will read into anything evasive coming from me, press for details and be hurt by my lack of disclosure. Not that I can't live with that, but basically any conversation with her on the subj will be a PITA. Blaming DH would be a crime of omission, if anything.

  18. #31968

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    Will blaming your DH actually deflect any further questioning from her?
    D-Mama (37) D-Dada (43) and D-Baby (11/02/2011)


  19. #31969

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    Quote Originally Posted by 3andMe View Post
    Mylah, why do any blaming at all? Do the No Excuse excuse. "I would love to meet up with you and catch up! Unfortunately, we cannot plan for house guests, but I am really looking forward to seeing you and talking for an evening. If you want to spend a weekend here, I can try to help you find some good places to stay that are close by and we can meet up. Let me know what your schedule is, and we can start trying to coordinate." If she asks why, what's going on, how come no house guests (which I wouldn't put past someone who has become a houseguest-non-grata), I would just reiterate that you can't plan for any friends to stay with you at present. Be non-specific, but firm. Pretend in your mind that it's a health issue that you don't feel comfortable sharing, and frankly, it is, in a way. It's your sanity and peace of mind. When they don't have any specific reason to argue against, they can't give you reasons to counter it. Maybe you needed to keep the space clear for parental visits? Maybe you needed to set up a new playroom or nursery? Maybe you're starting a hydroponics operation in one bedroom? Maybe you're remodeling? In any case, it's none of her business.

    Chrissy, all I can say is kids suck sometimes. I hope you can get some comfort to Syd and some sense to that school.

    I confronted someone years later who told me to die in high school, and I attempted suicide in a fit of misery later on that night. He was totally appalled when I told him about it as an adult. He thought we were just joking around. He felt awful. He actually did turn out to be a really decent human being, who has made an entire career out of being a much more moral person than I am, so I think he was just a stupid teenager and did not mean for me to die.
    Chrissy that's unbelievably awful, both the cruel girls and the nasty secretary. I hope everyone gets what's coming to them.

    Lydia, it's true that kids are usually unaware of their impact on other kids, especially if they've never been bullied themselves. I had a really hard time in school and felt all kinds of self-loathing because of it.

    As far as not offering an explanation and just saying "We can't host guests", it sounds like a great idea, until the friend asks explicitly why you can't have guests. Then it's either give an excuse or be brutally honest and hurt her feelings... it may not be the exact truth but I never bought into the idea that 'total' honesty is the best policy, especially when you can easily avoid hurting someone.



    lost our bean to Triploidy Sep 2010

  20. #31970

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    Chrissy, that story makes me sick to my stomach. The whole thing. The girls on the bus, the secretary. Where is her heart? I am so glad she has warrior parents in you and Rich that won't just let this go. Jerks. And Lydia! Gah, that breaks me heart. I had some mean girl experiences and also a set of twins, Doug and Robert, put me in a garbage can once on the walk home from school. My mom nipped that in bud real quick since she knew their mom. Nothing so extreme as these hateful children you all are talking about. It's just scary to imagine where they learn this cruelty.

    Sawyer is wearing me out. Did I say that already? We tried to have a fire in our firepit down by the lake but he kept running to the water and if I tried to hold him he just screamed and cried. It was not the least bit relaxing! I'm seriously considering getting him a leash for down there. It turned out that all he really wanted to do was throw rocks in the water but obviously he had to stand too close to the shoreline to do it and he HAD to be standing so I was basically squatting the whole time. Super comfy lemme tell ya.
    Last edited by Bridget; 05-21-2012 at 08:35 PM.

  21. #31971

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    Quote Originally Posted by AbbeysMom View Post
    As far as not offering an explanation and just saying "We can't host guests", it sounds like a great idea, until the friend asks explicitly why you can't have guests. Then it's either give an excuse or be brutally honest and hurt her feelings... it may not be the exact truth but I never bought into the idea that 'total' honesty is the best policy, especially when you can easily avoid hurting someone.
    Some people think it is easier to offer an explanation or an excuse, but I disagree. You don't have to tell someone that they're annoying and difficult and hurt their feelings, but you also aren't required to make up lies to assuage their feelings. Asking why you cant host guests is incredibly rude, as is her inviting herself to your home like you are her own personal hotel. A true friend would understand that you don't owe her a free vacation, or an explanation, and that if you wanted to share your reasons you would do so when you are ready. Any discomfort she feels over being turned down without explanation...that's her deal.

    All of the bullying stories are bringing up bad memories. I would say kids can be so cruel, but let's face it, adults do it too. They learn it from somewhere. I'm especially sorry for Syd's terrible experience. I hope she knows that her value is not determined by nor reflected by stupid high school mean girl b!tches.
    D-Mama (37) D-Dada (43) and D-Baby (11/02/2011)


  22. #31972

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    Saying I can't host guests would be telling a lie too. Why is that any more honest?
    Last edited by demigraf; 05-21-2012 at 11:50 PM.

  23. #31973
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    Bridget, Sawyer sounds kind of like Toddler S. When we went camping last year, we gave up on trying to have a campfire and cook anything or even make coffee in the morning because I had to spend the entire time pulling him away from it like a little moth hell-bent on flying into it. And that while I had two other kids running around, banging into trees and falling over rocks and wandering off, and DH all-consumed with whatever he was doing with the campfire. After two campfires of misery, we gave up and just had yogurt and sandwiches. And beer. Remind me again why I am thinking about going camping again this year? Ah yes, because I somehow think S. will be more manageable, but now he can just run farther and faster and can get into more trouble. And because I think it's important for the children to have some unfettered access to the outside, and to see the stars at night (we can't do that here), and to hear the sounds of the night instead of the freeway. That is also why I like going camping out in the wilderness instead of in campgrounds.

    Anyway, not to make it about me, but I can totally relate to spending 90% of my time chasing around a child and trying to prevent one catastrophe after another. And this is me, in my nearly bare and very childproofed house.

    The kindergarten is having a playdate once a month until the start of the school year, so Sunday was the second one. I am sans DH, so I asked my mom if she could watch S., esp. since it was during his nap time. It is really nice, because I meet some of the other parents, and the twins are meeting some of the other kids they'll be going to school with. It takes place at the school's playground. Anyway, I was there with just the twins, and they were running around and playing and making friends and I actually got to talk to some parents and I played with the kids, and I found myself being The Fun Parent for a little while. I had a group of about six kids playing with me. They were laughing at all the things I was saying, they were running over to me and playing this silly game I started, and even the shy boy whose parents asked me for help introducing him to some friends was just laughing and hanging all over me. This never happens! I am not that great with kids. Just my own. I never know what to say to other people's kids. But I was totally the life of the party, and it felt so nice, and the children were just loving it, too. I knew if I had S. to take care of, I would have been like the other red-faced sweaty parents who were running around with younger kids from one end to the other, not able to stop and talk to anyone else, just chasing their shrieking youngsters and having so much of their attention taken up by the one who was the loudest and most most chaotic. I was relaxed and happy and FUN! and as it was, I was able to get to know the girl who is already Claire's new best friend. They asked me if they could have a playdate, and they asked her parents, and then the other girl brought us together and said, "You guys better exchange phone numbers now so we can set this up ASAP!" Totally a Claire clone.


  24. #31974

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    Quote Originally Posted by Bridget View Post

    Sawyer is wearing me out. Did I say that already? We tried to have a fire in our firepit down by the lake but he kept running to the water and if I tried to hold him he just screamed and cried. It was not the least bit relaxing! I'm seriously considering getting him a leash for down there.
    Do you want Bodhi's monkey pack? I got it already ripped and repaired it myself. I think it still has some light use left on it.

    Quote Originally Posted by AbbeysMom View Post

    As far as not offering an explanation and just saying "We can't host guests", it sounds like a great idea, until the friend asks explicitly why you can't have guests. Then it's either give an excuse or be brutally honest and hurt her feelings... it may not be the exact truth but I never bought into the idea that 'total' honesty is the best policy, especially when you can easily avoid hurting someone.
    I agree, btw. Although I think I told you once that, when I don't really want to tell the truth, I sort of enjoy the exercise of finding what to say that uses the truth to distract from the truth behind it?
    Last edited by demigraf; 05-22-2012 at 08:12 AM.

  25. #31975
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    Hi, all - SCUBJIAing to drop in and let you know that I am having my third IUI tomorrow morning. I was not expecting that - usually I do a trigger shot 36 hours in advance so I planned on no earlier than Wednesday after today's appointment. The doctor said I have one 23mm follicle, and one 12mm follicle. He made me go across the street to the special pharmacy to get my trigger shot, and bring it back for the nurse to give to me then and there. Did the trigger this morning, and will do the IUI tomorrow am. That 23mm was going to ovulate, trigger or no, so doctor wanted to catch it and the trigger is to give a boost to the little one. Last IUI, the one that ended in a chemical, I had 4 good sized follicles - so I'm hoping this cycle isn't just a complete bust. We'll just have to see, I guess. DH and I won't know what to do with ourselves, not being able to make triplet/quad jokes. We pretty much refer to any potential offspring as "the triplets" these days.

    I also feel better having spoken with the doctor directly about my mystery symptoms. He asked if my mother had similar symptoms during menopause, stating that he has frequently found that patients whose mother had a rough time during menopause react badly to anti-estrogens like Clomid. Which is exactly what my thought process was in the first place. Sounds like he is pretty much coming from the same place I was - unfortunately it got filtered through the nurse instead of my being able to chat with him directly. I know he's pissed me off recently but I do like and respect him a lot.

    Unfortunately, moving up the IUI to tomorrow meant taking another report home to write this evening, and I've been tearing my hear out about placement decisions over this kiddo. Argh. Last one, though! I have the substance written, and should be able to put the report into the computer system when I get to work tomorrow. Secular vibes for no cramping, so I can get my work done in peace. And that's my last meeting of the year once that's over with!

    L - I agree with Myles above in saying that we would all be the poorer if you weren't here to be part of our group. I'm glad you're here. That goes for all of my other heathen friends as well.
    Last edited by Gwenn; 05-22-2012 at 12:09 AM.
    Me (39) DH (46) & furbabies * m/c 7/08 4/12 11/12

  26. #31976
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    Myles, I agree with the idea of just letting her know your home isn't open to visitors at this time. It may be slightly dishonest, but it is "softer" than "I don't want you staying here." I'd put it in the category of a white lie, rather than a huge, in-your-face untruth.
    Me (39) DH (46) & furbabies * m/c 7/08 4/12 11/12

  27. #31977

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    All my fingers and toes are crossed for you to get your BFP this cycle Mandy!



    lost our bean to Triploidy Sep 2010

  28. #31978
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    Quote Originally Posted by Bridget View Post
    http://www.livestrong.com/article/27...een-deodorant/

    The sunscreen recipe! I don't know if it was in this article or somewhere else but I did read that you could also just add 2 tbsp of zinc oxide powder to your favorite lotion. I used my homemade stuff today and be warned that it does show a little, like your skin is whitish after you apply but that doesn't bother me.

    Things are a little crazy, but I'm loving every minute of it My Blog


  29. #31979

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    Fingers crossed for your BFP, Mandy! I'm glad the Dr. was able to offer you some reassurance on your mystery symptoms as well.

    L - Yay for getting to be the Fun Mom!

    Myles - I don't feel like "I'm not able to host" is a lie, because if you were able to stand having her in your home, you would. But you have to deal with it in the way that makes you most comfortable, obviously. I personally have just found it very freeing in my life to learn to say "no" without explanation, especially with people who are high drama. Good luck talking with your friend. I hope you're able to work something out that you're happy with and keep her drama to a minimum.
    Last edited by dana_renay; 05-22-2012 at 08:21 AM. Reason: I didn't change anything.
    D-Mama (37) D-Dada (43) and D-Baby (11/02/2011)


  30. #31980
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    Mandy best of luck. Sending you all the I can muster!!

    Chrissy, how absolutely horrifying that those girls would do that to Syd. WTH is wrong with kids anymore!?!? I just don't get it. I couldn't imagine ever saying that to anyone, not in a million years I have this desire to kick their little teeny bopper a$$es

    Things are a little crazy, but I'm loving every minute of it My Blog


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