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Thread: Secular Confessions

  1. #31561
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    In my defense, I'm naturally nocturnal and from my own experience, no one ever could get me to sleep before my body was ready to sleep anyway. I'm still like that to this day, so I'm very relaxed about that with my own kids. Why fight something they can't control themselves?

    That's just my own perspective though. Maybe others have advice about getting a kid to sleep when you want them to.
    Last edited by missychrissy; 05-08-2012 at 04:00 PM.

    Mama to Bobbie 20 ~ Jesi 18 ~ Syd 14 ~ Conner 6
    I'm gonna be a Gramama! Jesi is due 11/22/13


  2. #31562

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    The audiobooks might work. Or maybe even music, if it's relaxing.

    DH thinks I give in too much too. Thing is Josh asks some questions that I feel do need to be addressed, like I don't want to dismiss it if he says his stomach hurts or he says he feels like his heart is breaking when he's not near me...I mean how cruel is it to say "tough luck kid, go to bed". But then it just seems like if I allow those questions it opens the gate for questions that aren't quite as pressing...

  3. #31563
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    When he says his heart is breaking without you, can you say something like, "I know love, I miss you too but we'll see each other in the morning!" in a happy tone? With belly aches, I just say, "We'll see how you feel in the morning."

    Mama to Bobbie 20 ~ Jesi 18 ~ Syd 14 ~ Conner 6
    I'm gonna be a Gramama! Jesi is due 11/22/13


  4. #31564

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    Gosh, Kate we've been having the exact same conversations! Dbf thinks I should just lay down the law and say you sleep where your bed is, you go to bed at this time, lights out, shut door end of story. I just honestly don't think it's human nature to want to go to sleep all alone in the dark. And it's definitely not the nature of my children who don't really like being alone ever. I know some kids do just fine going to bed (as mil tells me that nephew the perfect little angel would ask to go to bed) but mine want snuggles. I am very sorry to seem morbid but ever since Savana's school mate had that accident I am just obsessed with thoughts never wanting to look back and wish I'd stayed and snuggled them just one moment longer.

  5. #31565

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    Well, if DH wins and puts a TV in Josh's room, that'll probably happen here too. But I'm currently against that. I don't mind if he looks at his books or draws or sings to himself or whatever, it's all the questions and sitting on the stairs without us knowing and asking us to keep coming up that are a problem.
    He scared the crap out of me one night, I walked past the stairs and heard a giggle. He was sitting right there.

  6. #31566

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    Kai comes out almost every night and ends up sitting with us in the living room until he falls asleep and then I carry him to his bed.

  7. #31567

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    Quote Originally Posted by Bridget View Post
    Gosh, Kate we've been having the exact same conversations! Dbf thinks I should just lay down the law and say you sleep where your bed is, you go to bed at this time, lights out, shut door end of story. I just honestly don't think it's human nature to want to go to sleep all alone in the dark. And it's definitely not the nature of my children who don't really like being alone ever. I know some kids do just fine going to bed (as mil tells me that nephew the perfect little angel would ask to go to bed) but mine want snuggles. I am very sorry to seem morbid but ever since Savana's school mate had that accident I am just obsessed with thoughts never wanting to look back and wish I'd stayed and snuggled them just one moment longer.
    yeah, I struggle with those thoughts too. I just can't stand how DH reacts to it and I wish either his behavior or Josh's behavior would stop. Both seem equally impossible to affect.

  8. #31568

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    Quote Originally Posted by Bridget View Post
    Kai comes out almost every night and ends up sitting with us in the living room until he falls asleep and then I carry him to his bed.
    Well, we save our not so child friendly shows for night time, play on the computer, try to catch up on our day...DH gets home not long before Josh goes to bed, so after Josh's bedtime is really the only time DH and I get to do things together and catch up. I feel like if we lose that one on one time we will effectively be house mates. Our marriage is already hurting, and I don't think spending even less time alone together will help.

  9. #31569
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    Kate, if the stories don't work, you could try guided visualization/relaxation CDs designed especially for kids. I have about 3 different ones. It's worth a shot. A lot of the stories keep mine interested and awake, but at least not hopping in and out of bed, wanting things too much.


  10. #31570

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    Quote Originally Posted by daylilies View Post
    Well, we save our not so child friendly shows for night time, play on the computer, try to catch up on our day...DH gets home not long before Josh goes to bed, so after Josh's bedtime is really the only time DH and I get to do things together and catch up. I feel like if we lose that one on one time we will effectively be house mates. Our marriage is already hurting, and I don't think spending even less time alone together will help.
    No, I know. It's far from ideal. I am usually trying to get Sawyer to sleep at this time anyway so it doesn't put any damper on our already disrupted alone time. I'm really trying to get Kai to fall asleep in his bed but I refuse to have a fight be the way we end our day.

  11. #31571

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    Quote Originally Posted by 3andMe View Post
    Kate, if the stories don't work, you could try guided visualization/relaxation CDs designed especially for kids. I have about 3 different ones. It's worth a shot. A lot of the stories keep mine interested and awake, but at least not hopping in and out of bed, wanting things too much.
    I'll try that. Which ones do you have/recommend?

    Quote Originally Posted by Bridget View Post
    No, I know. It's far from ideal. I am usually trying to get Sawyer to sleep at this time anyway so it doesn't put any damper on our already disrupted alone time. I'm really trying to get Kai to fall asleep in his bed but I refuse to have a fight be the way we end our day.
    I know, I hate that too. We'll have a great day and even a good bedtime routine and then 5-10 minutes after he goes to bed I hear "...Mom?" and my heart just sinks because I know whatever it is, this isn't going to be easy.

  12. #31572

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    Totally feel ya.

  13. #31573

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    To be honest if it weren't for DH I probably wouldn't mind staying up there. Eventually Josh would get too big for both of us to be in his bed or he'd get modest or something and kick me out.

  14. #31574

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    I know. I feel like if dbf starts traveling for work we'll all be in dbf's and my room.
    I had a hard time with that sentence. Is that right? Dbf's and my room?

  15. #31575
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    I get riled up by parents who say, "If you would only do it like I do it, your kids would sleep well too and your family would be all the better for it." I have read two different articles/blogs lately, from two opposite ends of the parenting spectrum, both with that same conclusion. Mayim Bialik talked about how nobody in her family had any problems with not wanting to go to bed or getting up a lot for one reason or another, because they all shared one big bed as a family and they all went to bed together. She says it takes away all of those normal problems assocated with kid bedtime. I haven't read her book, but that was an excerpt I saw in another magazine. I showed it to dh and we talked about how great it sounded and how it worked for us for a while and it would never work for us now, and it would certainly not help to get kids to sleep or to stay in the bed unless we were actively holding them down. And then I read a parenting blog that said everyone should Ferber because that's what makes kids go to sleep well and anyone who doesn't is doing themselves and their children a disservice. I actually did try leaving S. for greater and greater periods of time while he was still awake, telling him I'd be back to check on him, but this method does not work well with babies who vomit when they cry.


  16. #31576

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    Yes, like most things in parenting, there is no one way to do things.
    ETA: Like most things in life, actually.

  17. #31577
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    I have this one, which seems to be more for younger kids (I got it for S, but it's too old for him). There are bits of short stories and stuff on it. I particularly like the beginning, where he tells the child that you can be calm because the people who love you are nearby, either in the other room, or downstairs or down the hall, but don't worry, they are close and they love you and are thinking about you. You will be able to go to sleep knowing they love you and are near. He's got a great voice.

    http://www.amazon.com/Bedtime-Buddy-...6515334&sr=8-2

    This one (a little new-agey, but pretty relaxing, and it actually does some guided imagery to help them relax body and mind in a fairly):

    http://www.amazon.com/Indigo-Dreams-..._bxgy_b_text_b

    and this one (which is basically just some stories with some soothing music and a melodic voice, talking them through walking on a beach and building a sand castle, and about five other stories, no specific relaxation techniques):

    http://www.amazon.com/Indigo-Dreams-..._bxgy_b_text_b

    I bought a bunch more CDs by the last guy, Jim Weiss. Ro likes the stories he does about scientists and Robin Hood and folk tales and he will listen to those if DD falls asleep before he does. DD does not like them. He is a good story-teller.


  18. #31578
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    Quote Originally Posted by Bridget View Post
    Yes, like most things in parenting, there is no one way to do things.
    ETA: Like most things in life, actually.
    Agreed. And Bridget, that's not morbid at all. Even though I haven't lost a child to death, I have in a sense to teen years. The young years really are so fleeting....what's a few more snuggled? It gets less and less as time goes on till they move out.

  19. #31579
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    I'm going to leave you with a funny comic about the difference between Mayo and Miracle Whip before I go pick up the twins from preschool. Don't click on it if you don't want to read potentially offensive language, though.

    http://theoatmeal.com/blog/miracle_whip


  20. #31580

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    We have bedtime issues here too. G does not like to fall asleep in his room alone. When he was in his crib, he was fine, he would play and talk himself to sleep. But since moving him to a bed, he comes out of the room all.the.time. His line is "mommy I have a question" and then when I take him to bed, tuck him back in, he will say "you are hurting my feelings" The thing is I remember dreading my own bedtime, and hated falling asleep all alone. So most nights I lay down with him until he's asleep, it doesn't usually take him long to fall asleep. He's so active, and loud, and on full speed all day. Honestly I like to snuggle with him, it's the one time in the day that I get snuggles. I know that doesn't help much at all.

    OMG L, that is hilarious!! I loathe miracle whip. I remember when I was kid, biting into a sandwich with MW on it, thinking WHAT is on this sandwich?!?!? It's just nasty. I do like mayo, but a little goes a long way for me.
    Last edited by raspberry; 05-08-2012 at 05:46 PM.
    Shelley-mom to DS, 6

  21. #31581
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    I'm a mw kinda gal. Mayo is too bland for me.

  22. #31582

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    I like both Miracle Whip and Mayo, but I have found that most people choose one or the other.

    I was having a lot of trouble with bedtime for J a few weeks back, and after two nights of terrible upset, crying, etc. (from both of us!), I finally checked in with my due date group on fb and they gently told me to leave it alone. And I thought about it and realized that if she wasn't tired, she wasn't going to sleep, especially if I was yelling at her to go to sleep. So we made a deal that she can read or do quiet things in her room and go to sleep when she wants, but she cannot leave her room. It's been pretty good since then - no fighting or drama at bedtime, which is easier on everyone. I don't think she is getting enough sleep, but neither was she getting a lot of sleep when she was staying up fighting with me about going to sleep.

    "Any idiot can face a crisis; it is this day-to-day living that wears you out." -Anton Chekhov


  23. #31583
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    Love Miracle Whip! DH thinks it's evil, though, and doesn't like to buy it. He buys organic mayo. We bought some MW recently because we couldn't get to the farmer's market and DH said he was going to throw it away as soon as we got organic mayo to replace it. He never lets me have any fun. LOL!

    Today was such an awful day I actually asked myself why I am paying $600/month for fertility treatments. We had to test this little girl and her older brother (age 4) came with her. The little girl was actually fine - just needed a lot of help to focus - but the little boy was a wild thing. He broke away from his grandmother and kept running through the main office (off limits to kids) and screaming at the top of his voice. We weren't even testing him and he was significantly more of an issue than his sister was. I made the grandmother take him out while we were testing because he kept screaming constantly, banging loudly, and then coming over and answering all the questions for the little sister that she refused to answer because she was too distracted by her screaming, banging brother. The evaluation ended with the grandmother chasing the little girl around the table while she (the little girl) held an open pair of scissors in her hand (I easily redirected her and took away the scissors after watching grandma chase her for some time), then grandma had to pick up the brother and carry him bodily out of our office area as he screamed at the top of his lungs, and then grandmother left the room while the two kids, one on each side of her, had an extended slapping/punching fight with one another. It's really hard to convey how awful this was because I know all kids scream and fight, but this was beyond anything I've seen in the 200+ kids I've tested in this job.

    The good news, though, is that today is my last evaluation for the year! I'm done! The rest of the year is just wrapping up the evals we've already held and sharing the results with families. And closing out any unfinished paperwork from parents who disappeared and never came back.

    I did schedule my ultrasound on the 21st. I don't have an early appointment that day so I'll be able to come in late without missing a meeting. Most of my work the last two days will be finalizing documents from all the meetings we are having Monday and Tuesday, so there is no way to do that over the weekend as we won't have had the meeting yet. My job is not particularly flexible in terms of scheduling because I am dependent on being at specific meetings and the paperwork I do has to be prepped for specific times and then corrected and finalized within a very short timeframe following the meeting. I should be able to get everything wrapped up, though, although it might mean satying a little late on Wednesday. It will work itself out.
    Last edited by Gwenn; 05-08-2012 at 06:47 PM.
    Me (40) DH (47) & furbabies * m/c 7/08 4/12 11/12

  24. #31584
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    You're right, it will work out but it sounds exhausting.

    I got my hours for the big reunion Cornell hosts every year. Alumni Affairs is integral in that of course and my dept sets up computers all over campus for various reasons. I'll get 10 hours in one week, which I guess doesn't sound like much for people that are used to working long hours...but I haven't worked OT since I was 22 years old. I'm sorta dreading it, but kinda excited too because it's a big deal and I've heard they treat the IT really good by feeding us gourmet food and alcohol. The alcohol is after our hours, but still... They have even offered a townhouse for IT to stay in because the hours are so long.

    Mama to Bobbie 20 ~ Jesi 18 ~ Syd 14 ~ Conner 6
    I'm gonna be a Gramama! Jesi is due 11/22/13


  25. #31585
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    Take with a grain of salt....but I think at 4 and 5 yrs old, I would be totally fine with CIO. A baby is different than an older child. I might be more tempted I think but no way on DH. He can be stubborn and is strict. And neither of us were raised with long drawn out bedtimes. It was 8pm, that meant bedtime. Our moms, especially mine, didn't play games....very much like Supernanny in many ways. I tried stuff to get out of bed being a night owl but mom would just look at me with that mom look and say get back to bed now. And bam I scurried back to bed. Now one thing that helped is that our house was very small...I'm talking under 1000 sq feet and one floor so it wasn't like they were far away.

    I know I'm coming from the perspective of not having been there yet of course (though I did do CIO with the girls as babies....hated listening to them crying and screaming in their house for hours on end but after a while, quickly learn that is not the way to get what you want and come out).....and I'm definitely not an attachment person. No way in heck am I doing a family bed. I don't even like sharing with DH (which might be partially why we never ended up pg once). I also have a hard time picturing at all more than one little child at a time. I do have a sister but with 5 years between us, it wasn't like we were both little at the same time. And DH is an only child so he's REALLY got a hard time picturing more than one baby/small child.



    And Mandy I'm with you sometimes in wondering if I'm crazy to be spending so much money for a baby. But than when we have talked seriously about stopping everything, I end up crying and depressed and it doesn't feel right and we talk again and decide to stay the course and do this at least once.

    And OMG, I cannot believe how many times tonight I have had to say Poogie (or Molly...we use both at home), STOP humping your sister. Oh how I wish that Cosmo would just nip at her once.
    Last edited by Cosmosmom; 05-08-2012 at 08:03 PM.

    Jennifer, 35, DH 36

  26. #31586

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    Quote Originally Posted by Bridget View Post
    I know. I feel like if dbf starts traveling for work we'll all be in dbf's and my room.
    I had a hard time with that sentence. Is that right? Dbf's and my room?
    I have a hard time with sentences like that too. I use the third person in that case: 'mommy and daddy's room'

    I appreciate all the advice thanks all! It was an okay night tonight, except dh and I decided to take a shower and when we got out Josh started with the questions again, but they didn't last long.

    I passed a mother in Target who had two boys who seemed to be twins, about 3 years old. She was very brisk with them but not harsh or yelling at them. Just very no-nonsense. They seemed to be having fun because she was letting them be kids but guiding them at the same time.

    Sorry you had such a rough day Gwenn

  27. #31587

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    Oh and I hate Miracle Whip but DH uses it

  28. #31588

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    Mayo only here. I think miracle whip might be why I used to think I hated mayo and then I was like, "Oh THAT'S mayo! Yum!"
    Kate and Lydia I was thinking about you guys tonight during our bedtime fiasco. I seriously started easing towards bedtime tonight (meaning telling them to start thinking about what story they wanted, brush teeth, etc) at SIX THIRTY. It's now 9:30 and Savana may or may not be sleeping but Kai is for sure awake listening to a Cam Jansen mystery. They both said they were hungry around 7 so I gave them a snack. Then Savana had about 3 massive meltdowns because she was overtired from staying up to late last night. I was able to calm her each time so they were at least short. Sometimes they can go on forever until she just has no energy left to scream and yell.
    *sigh*
    I just slammed a beer. It's SO humid and it was very thirst quenching.

  29. #31589

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    Does it usually go on for 3 hours like that? I feel a little better if that's the case Josh will fuss for maybe an hour some nights. It used to take hours and hours especially when he was newborn/infant. It's just been wearing on us lately because it seems like it's always something.

  30. #31590
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    It is always something...one mind-numbing phase after another. With some love and fun thrown in.

    Mama to Bobbie 20 ~ Jesi 18 ~ Syd 14 ~ Conner 6
    I'm gonna be a Gramama! Jesi is due 11/22/13


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