Location definitely plays a huge role. I make pretty good money for having a bachelors degree where I live (~60k), but if I moved an hour and a half south to the boston area, I'd probably make 15-20k more. But, the cost of living is much higher, so it's all a wash.
AKA Lisa724
What six months can do....not even sure that this is the same dog! LOL
Than...
Molly.jpgMolly and Cosmo on the floor.jpg
Now....
533407_10150735568953110_590623109_9631401_1794042016_n.jpggirls sitting together.jpg
Jennifer, 34, DH 36
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I remember. I'm glad things are better now, you have to start somewhere. I hope it continues, but don't lose hope if there's a backslide here and there. It shouldn't be big, long, or regular. It's a fine line between an unhealthy cycle and baby steps towards progress. It can be hard to tell.Originally Posted by Inca
Do you know what area you're going to live in once you graduate? That really makes the biggest difference. I'm probably getting less than the national median average for my field, but it's high for my area. That really doesn't matter. What matters is that 1) You like what you do well enough that you're willing to do it every day. I don't know that you have to love it because I used to LOVE LOVE LOVE troubleshooting computers. Now I do it so much it's the last thing I want to do when I get home. It's like taking your favorite toy and beating it to the ground because you've played with it so hard. I still love my job and can't picture myself doing anything else, but I don't want to do it in my free time any more. and 2) I tell my girls that you want to make sure your goal career pays enough out of the gate to afford whatever loans you've accumulated getting there. I would also love to be a therapist, but the starting pay in my area is nearly 20,000 less than what I get now and they have to have a masters degree! I only have a 2 year degree and seriously-I cannot wreck someones life or mental health if I screw up their computer. They might think so, but a therapist has a lot more responsibility and risk than I do, but they make 20,000 less? Doesn't make sense. But it is what it is. I couldn't afford to pay back loans for a masters degree on 34,000/year. So for me, getting a masters in social work (my ultimate dream) isn't worth it. Maybe some day...after the kids are out of the house I'll be able to afford to pay for classes out of pocket. I could do that after I'm 55 and retire from Cornell.I'm trying to keep the cost of grad school in perspective as you ladies have talked to me about salary ranges. I make roughly about 22k/year (a little less since I'm technically "part time" so they just work me an hour or two short of 40). I will have about 10-12K coming out from my bachelors and grad school is roughly 25K. Going in debt 35+k just to make 30k/year is not really all that appealing to me. Over the course of a lifetime I suppose it could be worth it and I will "break even" in about 5 years (or more if they raise the interest rates). Plus with experience you get paid more, etc....
I think I'll start browsing some job hunting websites and see what ranges I am looking at locally. I know that, that makes a huge difference upon pay. Also Gwenn I realy liked that analogy, it is a good one! Thanks for talking me through this ladies. I really appreciate it. I don't really have anyone to talk to about this sort of thing, since no one in my family has ever attended anything beyond technical school so they are all kind of clueless
Last edited by missychrissy; 05-04-2012 at 08:56 AM.
Mama to Bobbie 20 ~ Jesi 18 ~ Syd 14 ~ Conner 6
I'm gonna be a Gramama!
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Awwww Jennifer!!!I love your babies!
Mama to Bobbie 20 ~ Jesi 18 ~ Syd 14 ~ Conner 6
See, I don't want that. I want work to remain at work. I know people in the organization that I am that literally breathe this place and I do NOT get that. Yes, I want a good career. Yes, I want to make a decent wage. BUT I want to maintain a lifeThat's one of the reasons I am not too sad about leaving here and staying home for a bit. I don't kiss enough a$$ to go too far in this organization and you know what, that's OK.
Oh, and little girl is seriously just SO adorable
This is exactly what hubby and I keep discussing. It just doesn't make sense. After about 5 years in the field the pay rate increases dramaticaly, so it makes more sense to start with an organization before going for my Masters. I think DH is concerned that I won't want to go back if I stop. Ideally DH wants to stay where we are, but relocating is not completely out of the question either. We will go wherever my career takes me. DH can get a job just about anywhere we go, so it will be my career that is the 'important' of the two in our relationship. I would LOVE to relocate and get away from where we are. I won't force it though unless there is an amazing opportunity for us elsewhere.
Chrissy that is pretty sound advice!
It's so funny to me to see pictures from when we brought her home to the ones from like a week ago. She's changed SOOO much. getting a mix is like a box of chocolates, we didn't know what we were going to get! Cosmo always pretty much looked the same from baby to adult...hair got a bit longer and she went from skinny to filled out to pudgy now but she's always looked like the same dog.
Molly is bigger now than Cosmo was when she was 3 yrs old in terms of weight and she's almost as tall as Cosmo...she's not quite 8 months so probably will grow a bit more.
Cosmo is a cocker spaniel/poodle mix....she's definitely got a poodle head/legs and brain....spaniel coat (and spaniel health problems....the sceleritis in her eyes is mostly seen in cockers and collies....and she has two small lipomas on her chest...again a common cocker thing).
Poogie.....I don't know about her. She's got a beagle nose and some poodle brains...pretty smart but not as smart as Cosmo (Cosmo is the smartest dog I have ever known...and even other people with dogs have said that...she could have easily been on TV or something...it always amazes what she knows and understands). I don't know what is up with her coat....it's almost more like a terrier. And she's got this super deep mean sounding bark that doesn't look like it should come out of a 20 lbs dog....definitely not beagle there. I think her personality is more beagle....very sweet and lovable and tail is almost always up and wagging.
Her hair is something else though...not what we expected and she's cuter than I thought a beagle/poodle mix would be!
Jennifer, 34, DH 36
Haha, regal is my older girl. She's very princessy. I have to change the water dish usually 4 times at night alone. Little one has a beard and likes to put stuff in her mouth...like taking a bite of sand from the gopher mounds in the yard. Or getting grass on it. Comes in and rinses out her mouth. But than Cosmo will not touch water if there is a single drop of hair in it....she only likes fresh water.
Grandma says Cosmo is a Princess and regal....and Poogie is a little character. Describes them both so well.
I bet a lot of higher up jobs in business will be salaried and not hourly and probably will require more hours and weekends at times. I'm salaried but am lucky and only have extra stuff a few times a year (meetings usually or conferences). I do check my email from home....especially if I'm off sick or something to make sure that I get emails answered or at least forward them to my coworkers (even though I turn on the out of office assistant. Sometimes research/articles are needed urgently if it's patient care.
We moved to follow my career as well. Said whoever got an offer first that we liked we would go for and it was me. Had hoped he would find something up here but didn't work out that way. But the city is really nice, safe, clean, lower cost of living, good schools....just a good quality of life and we really like it.
Jennifer, 34, DH 36
The extra stuff on occassion doesn't bother me. The people here who are in advanced positions (or aspire to be) are literally doing "extras" 3-4 days a week. Constant volunteering for events is a big were I work. The ones I know on a more personal level have fairly shakey home lifes because of it. A few years ago, I could imagine myself being that person. Not anymore though. Too much of anything, is NOT a good thing. On top of it all we don't even pay that well in comparison to the larger financial institutions!
It is carpet. I have done baking soda, vinegar, enzyme based cleaners (like the kind from rug doctor-pet odor eliminator) and also used a rug doctor to clean the carpets. I'm gonna try something different next time we do the rug doctor though. Hopefully soon because the stink is getting to me. (though I did ask one of my daycare moms this morning if she could smell it and she said she couldn't, but then again she works at a vets office and has 3 cats and 2 dogs at home so she may be immune to the smells) Last time we rug doctored, we applied the pet odor cleaner to the water and alternated between that and the regular soap and then vinegar in the water. It worked really well I thought. I couldn't smell anything and was really happy. But then he started back up. I even moved the pack n play over his spot, and he moved his spot.Liz have you tried baking soda? More than likely the reason the cat keeps returning to that spot is because the cat can still 'smell' the urine. Or at least that has been my experience. Have you tried moving the litter box to that spot?
What type of flooring do you have. If you have carpet you'll have to steam clean (and maybe even remove the layer and put baking soda or something of that sort of the foam underneath). When we moved into where we are now, the laundry room stunk SO bad of cat piss!!We had to rip out the lineoleum bleach/spread baking soda a couple times to get rid of it. That was years of allowing the cats to urinate there though, not just a few incidences.
I really think the cat is just an arsehole. Because he also goes in the basement when the litter box is right there, but he won't go in it. Annoying. Also I cannot put the litter box in
"his spot" because there is no way to separate that room from the main daycare room, and it is also the room the kids sleep in for naptime anyways. Not gonna go there at all. Which is why, I'm thinking that since I've tried almost everything I can think of, it may be time to give him back. We've had him for.. a year and a half and he does it off and on. Sometimes we'll be fine for a month, sometime it'll be multiple times in a week. We'll see though. Dbf is gung ho for it, wheras I'm still on the fence. I know that if I said "Do it" he'd do it that day. :-\
**Lizzo**
Ugh... I am sorry LizHonestly I would probably give the cat back than
We had a cat when I was younger that would claw everything and despite our best efforts he would not stop. We ended up keeping him, we just made him an outside cat. I know that is not an option that every can or is comfortable doing....
Cat pee is the worst! We had a cat in a duplex we rented (my bff and I) who always peed in the same corner and no matter how much I scrubbed it would not go away. The pee soaked into the plywood under the carpet foam. It was awful. We lost our entire security deposit.
Dbf and I just sparred. I'm sick. He left this morning to go to the dr for his wrist and do a bunch of other stuff. I wanted him to take Kai but he said no. He just came home and is going to mow his friend's lawn (friend out of town) and said he would take Kai but then Kai got to crying and whining so dbf was like, "I'm not going to take you with me Kai because you are acting like this." I mean, I am all for natural consequences but Kai had been in that mood all morning and I never once reduced him to tears. He worships the ground dbf walks on so stuff like that really, truly hurts him. So of course Kai starts crying even harder and dbf says, "FINE! You can come." I said to him don't say no in the first place if you are going to take it back after he pitches a fit. Then I mentioned how it's now really fair to put stipulations on spending time with his son whom he does not spend enough time with in the first place. He fires back at me, "Oh, I'm such a horrible dad. I just bought him a brand new four wheeler and spent all this money on riding gear. Yeah, I'm so horrible"
Kai doesn't give a sh!t about how much money his dad spends on him. He'd be happy with a whole day of just him and daddy. Wouldn't cost a dime. He's just so clueless sometimes it makes me want to scream.
Ugh, Dbf doesn't spend nearly enough time with Remy either, but he spins it around on me like it's my fault because I'm so... what does he say... "controlling" like even if I say "Take him outside to play" then 20 minutes later he's done and they come inside.. Uhhhh.... ok? Men are stupid. I think that's the most simple answer.
**Lizzo**
See, if he was stupid I'd be more forgiving. He's a super intelligent guy. It's like something's....missing. You know how they say that certain connections are made in the brain during birth-5 years and if they aren't made then they never happen? I often wonder about that when it comes to him.
I concur that men are dumb.
DH doesn't spend enough time with Nolan either, but he's always working. Every moment he is home, he is with Nolan though, so I can't complain
I actually think that correlating money with happiness is a pretty normal thing (or at least from my experiences). Some are worse than others and don't realize that quality time is worth so much more than any item that can be bought!
I think dbf will be a better dad when the kids are older. His mom says the same. It's a theory that relates to his general selfishness, imo. He will be able to do things with them that he enjoys. Whereas going to the park, the library, or on a walk where they stop to look at every bug with a magnifying class...those things are "not for me" as he says so often. Mmmmkay, buddy.
I personally do not buy into the "men are stupid" theory. I know too many smart men. I think that just gives them an excuse to act like jackasses becauses they don't know any better.
Last edited by Bridget; 05-04-2012 at 12:43 PM.
See dbf is super smart too, but in his case, I wonder if some of his "connections" were severed during his teenage/early adult years from overuse of lsd, concussions, etc...
**Lizzo**
I still think the majority of men are dumb, or if you will 'emotional disconnected'. Society tells me that they have to be rough, tough, and unfeeling in order to be true "men". Which is ridiculous. THe amount of actual 'smarts' they have is irrelevant to this if they were raised that emotions were something to be dismissed.
Just my view of it though and something I am working on with DH.
I think that a lot equate love with money too....especially if that was how they were raised. So often history repeats itself and you raise your family how you were raised.....treat spouses how you saw your own parents. Of course you can think and do different but when you aren't thinking, your instict does what you experienced.
I do worry some about DH because his dad sucked, his stepdad really super sucked. His grandpa was decent and he had a good uncle but biggest influences were his mom and auntie. He doesn't have a good dad example. But at least he wants to be a good dad and is generally pretty open to my suggestions and such long as I don't get too nagging and bossy about it (which is my instinct when I'm not thinking about what I'm doing or saying). And he's very emotionally connected for a man and sensitive to feelings.
Last edited by Cosmosmom; 05-04-2012 at 12:47 PM.
Jennifer, 34, DH 36
Jennifer from what you have said about your DH, I think he is going to be a wonderful daddy
DH was concerned about being a dad, because he didn't have one. We talked about it numerous times while I was pregnant and I always told him to trust his instincts. Not what he had seen, heard, or even learned through the years. Just go with his gut and he would do great. Shortly after Nolan was born it really 'clicked' for him, he does great, with some minor re-directing since that macho-man mentality is set pretty deep in him.
Erin, I know it's belated but I'm sorry about your FIL.I'm glad your kiddos got to see him not so long ago and had a pretty great time with him, so they'll have that memory of him now.
Chrissy, I'm sorry about Jesi too, I'm still holding out hope that she is just a wild spirit that feels a little lost right now. Have you considered offering to help her with tuition to a community college once she gets her GED? IDK if that breaks the whole idea of letting her fall on her own but it's what my mom did, and it did help get me back on the right track after dropping out.
Bridget, it's got to be infuriating to see your son hurt like that, by his own Daddy. And anyway showing love with money is easy, and quality time is much harder.
I think the really issue is that many men don't realize just how much love/admiration their kids have for them. DH is pretty good about that, but I remember reading something when Abbey was a baby that said to tell Daddies about different ways their LOs 'talk' about them when they are gone or at work, so they understand they are missed. For whatever reason that really sunk in, so pretty much every day I make sure to point out to DH some way that Abbey loves/misses him. Like I'll text him a picture she drew that had 'Daddy" spelled out, or tell him about how she sung a song about him coming home from work. BUT (and I know I'll sound like a braggy jerk, I don't mean to) DH is an amazing Dad. He had a hard time with the newborn phase, but as soon as Abbey learned to laugh at him he fell in love. I'm glad I know that now so I'm not surprised if it takes him until that point to bond with the new kiddo.
Speaking of cats with elimination issues, my cat's bloodwork just came back and it was totally normal. The vet thinks she might just have arthritis, but really needs to be on a diet. We will try to set something up for her this weekend: an autofeeder with "mature kitty" food dispensed at intervals, and a different food bowl out of her reach for the more spry, younger kitty to get to. We actually tried this before and the younger kitty would use her paw to scoop out food and knock it on the floor for her bff.
lost our bean to Triploidy Sep 2010
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Helping my kids with tuition really isn't an option. Bobbie is doing it on her own, but I'm paying her cell phone and car insurance and helping with other stuff when I can. I'd do that if Jesi were enrolled in school (and going).
Rich has always been good about spending quality time with the kids. He was one that changed diapers and assisted with baths. He was very hands on from get go. Not that he was perfect...he definitely had different ideas about some things that I did. And it was easier for him to spend time with Jesi because she was outdoor-sy. Bobbie was an indoor girl so I'm afraid she didn't get as much quality time with her father. Not that he didn't ever do anything with her, but it wasn't as often. They're still pretty close and Bobbie does talk to her dad about stuff.
Mama to Bobbie 20 ~ Jesi 18 ~ Syd 14 ~ Conner 6
I agree with the bold Bridget. My DH is very smart and I remind him often that I would not be with him if her were dumb as I don't do dumb guys. I have never been involved with a dumb man as they get on my nerves.
I think the same as you do about the birth to 5 development a lot with my own DH. I truly believe he lacked some sort of emtional/affectionate connection at times. He has gotten much better over the years but he still makes me furrow my brow at times. Pretty much every time he takes Ky out especially, they come back and DH had a look of disgust/anger on his face and Ky looks sad and has tear stains on his cheeks, pretty much every time. I have kind of given up on giving DH advice to not take everything so personally. I honestly think that his lack of a father figure as a kid makes him think that Ky, who has always had his dad around, should be extra grateful just because DH is doing something with him and it angers DH that Ky is not like that, also that he lets go of kites or doesn't think everything through like DH would do to be careful about everything. I just do my best to counteract DH's shortcomings so hopefully the kids won't be too messed up from it. And like DH, I do think they have it better than DH or I had it as kids and even with DH's faults he is an okay guy and I would be happy if Ky were as responsible and thoughtful (as in thinking things through) like his dad. But I don't expect our kids to be a certain way.
This brings to mind the fact that Ky just took the Iowa Assessment, the test they replaced the ITBS with this year. He didn't score as high on it as he has scored on the ITBS and his teachers felt that it was because he didn't take it as seriously as he could have. I was hoping that he would make at least a 90 in Reading so that I could get him into this free program for gifted and talented kids (they base admittance on ITBS/Iowa Assessment scores) but he scored a 73, which was not good enough. I had told Ky about the program and had to tell him that since he didn't score high enough he couldn't go there, but that he could go to a baseball camp this summer in Toledo and visit the family there, which was okay for him but he was disappointed since of the classes was "Build a Computer" and he was looking forward to doing that. They also had an animation class, which is something that he's really interested in as well. I told him next time to make sure that he focuses better. DH looked at it and said that he did horrible on it. His composite was a 63, which wasn't bad considering he is just average in Math and got a 51 in Math, which was better than I thought he would get. DH so gets on my nerves about these things. He thinks that Ky should always score "above average" on any test, meaning in the 75th percentile or higher in every subject, which I think is ridiculous. Everyone is not good in every subject. I feel he thinks because he was in gifted classes as a kid and I was too, that Ky should be better than we were. Honestly, I don't really think Ky is "gifted" and at this point in my life it is not that big of a deal to me since he loves to learn about new things and he does his best in school and is his teachers all love him. DH even tried to get into an argument with me by saying that Ky doesn't read well and when I reminded him that Ky reads at an 8th-9th grade level according to his teachers, he said that he didn't believe it because he "read like crap" the last time Ky read out loud to him. I told him that many people don't read as well out loud as they do silently and that he was probably nervous reading to DH since DH is so critical of every single thing that anyone does that he doesn't approve of and will go on a question asking frenzy, making people not used to him (adults), and kids angry and/or nervous.
I just don't think DH knows how to read people, even animals in a way as he doesn't notice slight things that animals do that portray feelings. I always felt that maybe this had something to do with his early childhood but maybe it is just because he likes to be a butt in those areas.
Erin
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Aw Erin, you're such a good mama. Kai will be just fine. He's definitely of above average intelligence. He has what it takes to be very successful. You don't have to be gifted to be successful, and honestly most truly gifted people are the least happy. I mean, they spend their entire lives with boring, dull, and stupid people that can't get them. Can you imagine how rough that would be?
There's something about sense of humor too. If you've ever watched the Beverly Hillbillies and laughed (who hasn't?) it's a reflection of your intelligence (average at best) and economic status (middle to poor). Truly intelligent people have a difficult time finding humor in silly stuff like that. Not that it's impossible and there are likely exceptions, but since I love to laugh I think that's quite a negative and I'm not sure I'd trade my sense of humor for a higher IQ score.
Mama to Bobbie 20 ~ Jesi 18 ~ Syd 14 ~ Conner 6
I agree, Erin that you are a fantastic mother and I hope that you can counteract some of the things your dh does. I hope the same for mine. My kids come back with tear stained faces a lot too and it really breaks me heart.
And what you say about your dh thinking Ky should be so grateful for having a dad there is the same way I feel about dbf. His dad was not there at all when he was a child, nor did he even pay child support but instead just treated them all like crap. He makes comments to me all the time about our kids being spoiled and saying he didn't have this or that when he was a kid. I ask him how that made him feel and when he says it made him feel awful I say how lucky our children are that we want better for them. I prefer lucky to spoiled.
Not to keep saying, "Mine too" for everything you say about your DH but dbf is also always going on and on about how the kids "should be" good at reading/math/sports but he doesn't take the time to practice any of those things with them. Like one day last year when the 3 year old grandson of our neighbor was cruising down the road on his bike with no training wheels and dbf was totally incredulous and couldn't believe our kids still have training wheels. I was like OMG that grandpa has taken that boy for a bike ride every single day this summer! I'm just flabbergasted by the simplicity of that equation that just goes right past him.
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How do you not point that out?!
Mama to Bobbie 20 ~ Jesi 18 ~ Syd 14 ~ Conner 6
Oh I did. Trust.
So I have a computer dilemma at work. A couple of years ago, the district paid for new laptops for all the people in my position who worked directly for the district. I had this horrible old computer that barely worked, so it was a huge improvement. There were a bunch of old desktops left that were still in use - those things were probably 15-20 years old and showed it. When I moved to my current position, I wanted to take the laptop with me but it meant leaving my replacement without a computer. I asked if I could bring it and was told I could keep it, or use the desktop that was already in my new location. I chose the laptop, and they came and got the desktop and put it in my old office for my replacement.
This year I moved into a different office and the desk I inherited belonged to another employee who had her position cut. She left another computer behind and everyone told me not to say anything so we didn't have to give a second computer back. We put it on a table in the middle of our office space, but then when my partner went out on disability her sub had her own laptop, so she took the table and put the computer back on my desk.
Well, this year the district is getting rid of all the old desktops and replacing them with brand new ones that they have leased. So they came out and decided to replace the desktop on my desk (I didn't even have it hooked up to the internet). I made it clear that it wasn't assigned to me as I used the laptop, but more than one IT person decided to have the old one replaced anyway. So today, they came to replace it and they set up my profile on it. It's brand new, running Windows 7, with a large screen and runs really well. My laptop is two years old and runs Windows XP. I have no complaints, but the new one is so nice I'm considering turning in my laptop and just using the new desktop. Am I crazy? It's a nice new computer! I just worry if I moved to a different position I'd have a hard time getting the laptop back. But I think they have extras that went unclaimed.
What would you guys do? Use the new computer or the old one? I don't take the laptop home, as it's a pain in the butt to haul it back and forth and I can do all my work at home from my Mac since I store everything on a flash drive. I don't move sites so it doesn't make a difference at this point.
Last edited by Gwenn; 05-04-2012 at 06:48 PM.
Me (38) DH (45) & furbabies * m/c 7/08 4/12 11/12
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Mandy, that's a really tough call because every IT dept works differently, and a lot of times the techs (the ones that actually put in the computer) can be told one thing and then later another thing happens. What I would do is use the new one and keep the laptop in a drawer.
Mama to Bobbie 20 ~ Jesi 18 ~ Syd 14 ~ Conner 6
In terms of IT in general for my employer, it's a huge unwieldy organization. The special ed department does have a small number of their own, dedicated tech people though and the one who deals with our computers is aware of the situation and she's the one who I check my laptop out from each year. I feel pretty comfortable with her ... I just don't know what decisions may or may not be made above her. She's really cool, though.
Me (38) DH (45) & furbabies * m/c 7/08 4/12 11/12
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