Secular Confessions

[daylilies]

Oh no! Ick.

[missychrissy]

Syd has a sore throat and was sent home from school. Bobbie is depressed enough that she's finally talking about going and getting anti-depressants. Jesi has moved out. My counselor said I presented in her office as depressed (surprise surprise) but I don't feel it. I do feel numb though. I know I should be upset about Jesi moving out and while I am on a certain level, I'm not the crying mess I would be if i were feeling normal. :/

[Bridget]

These are the moments that I wish we were geographically closer so I could come over and give you a hug, Chrissy.

[missychrissy]

Thanks Bridget. I really don't mean to sound like 'oh whoa is me' Really, I'm marveling at my lack of feelings right now. This is a new experience for me. My therapist (Erin) felt that my anger and resentment are so built up that at this point she doesn't think I'll be able to let go and deal with my emotions while I'm here in this house. The longer I've stayed here, the more I've shut down and withdrawn into myself. It's not healthy and I know it.

[Smplyme89]

Many Chrissy

[Bridget]

I don't think you sound woe is me at all, for what it's worth.
So what do you think your next step will be? Is there any chance of finding a place to live? Would Rich leave or is that not an option?

[missychrissy]

I don't want this house. For one, it needs too much work & I can't do it. For another, Rich soaked a lot of his money into getting it back for us and it wouldn't be fair for me to kick him out.

I have $ coming to me and I'm looking for an apartment. I've thought long and hard about it and I've decided I will not take Conner or Syd out of their home at a time when their parents are splitting up and their older sisters have both left home. They've had enough to deal with. I'll get a place where I can set up bedrooms for them and I'll of course stay in contact and when they're ready (hopefully not too long) they can come stay with me. I'm going to get a place in the same district so that won't be an issue...we'll be able to split the kids week by week that way (maybe, I haven't really figured that part out yet). I'm pretty sure I'll be a mess after I'm finally in my place, but it'll be a good thing. I really need to deal with all the crap that's happened in the last year and a half (more than that now).

[Gwenn]

Chrissy. I know this decision has been a long time in the making.

[Suja]

I'm so sorry, Chrissy.

When my neighbors got divorced, one of the things they did was to keep the kids in the house they grew up in. The parents took turns at the house, where the dad went and stayed at the mom's place and she came back home to be with the kids. This went on for a few months, and then they went to the usual of having the kids take turns with the parents. I think that the kids adjusted a little better because of this.

[3andMe]

Oh Chrissy, I'm so sad for you, and for your family.

[MashedUp]

Huge hugs Chrissy, that must be such a difficult decision.

M was in the bathroom while I was in the shower the other day and exlaimed, "mumma, you have hair on your butt!" She meant the front, she thinks it's all the butt still (I don't have a hairy a$$, I promise )

[raspberry]

Big hugs Chrissy.

[daylilies]

Well, I am glad Bobbie is opening up to getting the help she needs. Where did Jesi move to? I think you must be so worn out by all that's gone on, I'm not surprised you're not having a big emotional reaction.

[missychrissy]

Jesi moved with friends to Ithaca and that's all I know.

[Bridget]

Oh boy, Chrissy. Is she staying in contact with you?

I was up all night with Sawyer. He has not thrown up again but it's coming out the other end fast and furious. I am so thankful we are still nursing. He nursed pretty much all night long. I never put him down. Tried once and he climbed right back to me. Today he's playing and seems much better.

[missychrissy]

She is supposed to, but hasn't.

I hope he feels better soon.

I didn't sleep worth crap last night. I don't feel depressed, but I'm restless and keyed up.

[Cosmosmom]

Big hugs Chrissy. It seems like it's common for true depression to not feel or realize it at the time. I think most would have had a hard time with all you have had going on for the past two years.



I had a dinner fail last night. Tried a new recipe. I thought I liked everything in it but I do not like those things combined. it was a north african one with chicken, couscous, some veggies, raisins, cinnamon, cumin, ginger, salt and pepper. DH ate it and thought it was ok....but I ended up having a frozen pizza. I think that the spices were too much and I don't like sweet and savory together or something.

[daylilies]

Ooo, it sounds like something I'd like, Jennifer. Sorry you didn't like it! Sometimes I'm not a big fan of sweet and savory together either.

[Ky'sMom]

Huge hugs from me Chrissy. I am actually happy that you are now set on making some moves though in your life but it must be so much to deal with. Also I was depressed as a young 20 something year old and felt the same as you, numbness and nothing about everything. I was told that was one of the most clear signs of depression.

Wanted to mention that I hope your therapist is giving us Erin's a good name.

I hope Sawyer is better soon Bridget, and you ladies have me cracking up about your pubes and boobs!

Erin

[missychrissy]

Wanted to mention that I hope your therapist is giving us Erin's a good name.


Erin

I think she is.

[Cosmosmom]

I think that the flavors might have been a bit too "foreign" for me. I have only had Indian food twice and liked that ok so thought I might like this.

I'm normally a pretty plain person....grew up on pizza, burgers and spaghetti. I didn't even have tacos until I was almost 20 and started dating DH and didn't want to look stupid when he suggested stopping at taco bell. LOL same with chinese....didn't have that until I was 19. I have expanded my diet quiet a bit since....but not quite that far i guess!

[Bridget]

Jennifer, you sound like my dad. My kids love his cooking becaue he keeps it simple. His guacamole is just avacado, lemon juice, shredded cheese and sometimes a bit of chopped onion. Kai will eat the whole bowl.
I had lunch with my dad at the health food co-op once and was really surprised he got sushi with me since he's not an adventurous eater at all. Might have kicked himself in the arse for trying something new because he ate the wasabi chunk in one gulp. Thought it was avacado! I looked at his face and he looked like he was crying and said in a choked voice, "That wasn't avacado was it??"

[Suja]

OMG, Bridget! Poor dad!

Both DH and I are adventurous eaters when it comes to trying new and interesting, although I'm less adventurous with weird meats. What I really don't like is plain jane, "beige" food. So far, the only ethnic food I haven't liked is Korean.

[daylilies]

DH grew up with pretty simple food too. He used to only eat white bread and I don't think he had ever had a salad until I met him. His mom cooked veggies but usually just canned or frozen, or mashed sweet potatoes, easy things like that.

I on the other hand was eating sushi by the time I was seven. LOL My mom is a great cook, she even took some culinary classes. But from a young age she was teaching me how to cook things from scratch. She always tried to get me to eat my veggies by melting cheese on top. I just would pick off the cheese and eat it.

I love avocado. I make my guacamole as simple as possible because I love the plain flavor of the avocado, not masked by onions and tomatoes and spices and stuff.

One thing your taco bell story reminded me of, Jennifer, is that I had only had fast food a handful of times before I met DH. And I had never eaten it in the car until I met him. I was like, really? Eat lunch in the car? LOL I had no idea how to order, or where you pay.
I grew up in a town that didn't have fast food because it was a historical town. It was only a few years ago that they finally got a Dunkin Donuts. There was a Burger King outside of town that I stopped by once when I started driving on my own and I thought I was so cool, ordering at the drive thru. Then I drove home and ate it in the house.

[Bridget]

We got into the charter school! I am so thrilled.

[missychrissy]

That's wonderful Bridget!!!

[AbbeysMom]

Big hugs Chrissy. Sounds like you have some serious weight on you right now from all the changes/issues goign on with your family... it's easy to see how you could emotionally 'shut down' and get numb to it all. I really hope you and Jesi can stay in contact, I would be so scared for her because it just seems like she's prone to making some impulse decisions, you know?

---
I grew up on country/ranch food, but when my Dad passed away my mom starting relying heavily on processed foods. She was really depressed for almost 10 years and barely did anything then, that I can remember. It was Spaghettios, Campbell's tomato soup and cheese crackers, frozen foods, Diet Coke. Seriously the worst food ever. I don't even remember her buying veggies or fruit (fruit cups, maybe). When I was 16 my bff's mom made dinner for us and she was an amazing vegetarian cook. It seriously changed my life. I starting reading about vegetarian/veganism and then went vegan for a few years. I started being a 'bad vegan' in college (not a lot of time or money to prep food) so I switched to being vegetarian, and never looked back.

I really enjoy cooking, but it's hard in my house with one person who would be happy eating steak and salad every night (DH), one person who would be happy with chicken nuggets, cheese and peas every night (Abbey), and anther who would like to eat tofu and brown rice most of the time (me).

Weirdly japanese food works great for us eating out, because Abbey like chicken dumplings and edamame, DH likes all Sashimi, and I eat avocado sushi and inari (tofu pockets). Bridget, I can't imagine eating a chunk of wasabi like that, I bet his sinuses were cleared out for a week!



Bridget, congrats!

[AmeriBrit]

Hey, y'all! I'm back from the cruise; will try to catch up with ya's tonight when the kids are in bed. I'm currently cooking supper and have started on the mountain of laundry! I'll speak to y'all soon and hope everyone is well! xoxo

[missychrissy]

Hi Ash! I can't wait to hear all about it!!


Jesi wrote me briefly on FB. She's asking for $10 for food. Already. I'll do it this time, but it's not going to be a habit. If she asks again, I'll tell her there's plenty of food at home. I want her to fully fail though so that's why I'm doing it this time. Well, not fail but you know what I mean. I want her to see the merit, of her own accord, of sticking it out at home at least till she graduates high school.

[raspberry]

sorry you are depressed or numb, just not your self Chrissy. I hope Jesi calls you today.

Hope little Sawyer feels better. yay for getting into the charter school, that is great news!

All the shaving talk reminds me how much I would love to have lazer hair removal LOL. Little scared of the pain, but it would be nice not have to shave.

I used to be a picky eater, food not touching, rarely tried anything new. But since meeting dh I have tried so many different foods. When I had my eye surgery complications, my dh and I ate our way through South Africa. Not much to do when you can't see, but eat eat eat!