Secular Confessions

[Cosmosmom]

I'm glad that you had fun at the cave. Knowing what I do about your kids, it sounded like something they would love and be really into.

But oh my god about that little girl. I saw that headline and looked right away at the story to make sure it wasn't Savana. I just hate that it was a classmate of hers though. I know that it said that they would have counselors on hand to help the kids. How awful for all those involved. And that guy, it does sound totally accidental...not like he was drunk or speeding. Such a fear of mine....we have a lot of kids in our little neighborhood and drive so carefully because I have seen them run into the street after balls or not looking near driveways while on their bikes.

[3andMe]

Bridget, how very sad. I have been finding myself feeling for the unwitting people who cause irreparable wounds in people's lives, even if it's through sheer stupidity, as well as for the victims lately. I think it would be so hard going through the rest of my life feeling immeasurable guilt. And that poor mom.

We are back from our surgery. It went well. DS was a complete trooper, through the whole day of not eating and then having nothing by mouth for four hours beforehand. I managed to hold it together and even enjoyed it when DS got loopy with the little pre-surgery cocktail. Afterwards, in PACU, when he woke up though, he was just miserable. He kept saying he was in pain and wanted to get out of there. He refused the popsicle and just wanted to leave. They said if they gave him the discharge meds I had picked up already, we could leave immediately, so we did. He came home and promptly fell asleep.

[Bridget]

Thanks for checking in, L. Been thinking about you guys. I hope he wakes up feeling less pain. What will the recovery be like?

Jennifer, I actually wondered if you'd see the news story and think of us. I know I'd be like you and rush to make sure it wasn't one of you guys if i read about something happening in your area.

[Gwenn]

Glad to hear the surgery went well. I was just hoping you would have time to update.

B, don't youmlovemhow we all look out for each other?

[MashedUp]

Oh wow, how scary and horribly sad. I hope savana doesn't have too hard of a time with it. I can't even imagine going through something like that.

Glad Ro is doing ok, hope he's feeling better today!

[missychrissy]

I too hope R is feeling much better today. What a brave little boy!

My cousin Melly, who has been like a sister to me and lived out of the area for the last 14+ years, recently moved back (like Saturday!). We visited a little while over the weekend, but I really wanted to see her alone. So last night we met at a local coffee shop and sat in her car talking from 9 till after 11. For me, this is a very late night out. Especially for a work night. It was wonderful to catch up and let things out that I've held inside. We definitely have one of those relationships where it doesn't matter how long time goes by, we always pick right up where we left off. I just hope she doesn't move away again. If I'm going to be getting my own apartment, I'm going to need her around.

[Bridget]

Glad to hear the surgery went well. I was just hoping you would have time to update.

B, don't youmlovemhow we all look out for each other?

Yes I do. Very much.

Chrissy, how wonderful to get to hang out with your cousin! Hope you feel refreshed after a good girl talk.

[Ky'sMom]

So good you got to hang out with your cousin Chrissy!

And that story is so sad about Savana's classmate. Very tragic. I had a high school classmate who died when I was in 10th grade, his family was close to mine and we had known each other our whole lives so it was very shocking. Also a classmate of mine died when she was in 9th grade from a heart attack of all things. That was really shocking since I never knew teenagers could have heart attacks.

It is also a huge fear of mine to hit a child or cause an accident that hurt someone period, but especially a child. I get mean honks and the finger because I go 20mph or less near schools or whenever I see even one kid on a street. Where I am from the school zone mph is 20 mph and they are very serious about it, but here in Atlanta it is between 25 and 30 and I always think about how a child could be killed if a vehicle going 30 mph hit them. I go 15-20 in those zones too and those are where people honk at me or curse and give me the finger.

I am happy to be back home as I missed my fam a lot on vacation. There was a lady there who was vacationing with her 10 year old son and my friend offered to take their picture and he reminded me of Ky trying to do bunny ears constantly during the picture taking and making weird faces. I thought about how I would like to go somewhere with him, just he and I and I may just get a cruise for us over the course of the next year. Maybe another "free cruise" since they called DH while I was gone and offered him a free cruise. We had to sit through one of those timeshare things though, which I was looking forward to since I'm a weirdo and just like experiencing new things, even situations that other people hate. It was pretty nice and the final deal they offered was a decent one and if DH would have been there I probably would have taken the deal. And we got free breakfast and brunch and a couple of vouchers as well as the cruise. I wouldn't mind sitting through another one.

Erin

[Inca]

That is SO sad about that little girl. Luckily for me I never had anyone close to me die really, not at a young age anyways. Just my grandma a few years ago, which did hit me hard. Her and I were super close. Oh and then my cousin died of what we think was h1n1 a couple years ago, she was just about 6 months older than me. So that was shocking and hard for me to cope with. Even though we weren't close, just to think that she would never get to have kids (she had a m/c though and I talked to her online about it- so I know she really wanted kids) It really just goes to show how you need to live life to it's fullest while you're still around to enjoy it.

[missychrissy]

I am happy to be back home as I missed my fam a lot on vacation. There was a lady there who was vacationing with her 10 year old son and my friend offered to take their picture and he reminded me of Ky trying to do bunny ears constantly during the picture taking and making weird faces. I thought about how I would like to go somewhere with him, just he and I and I may just get a cruise for us over the course of the next year. Maybe another "free cruise" since they called DH while I was gone and offered him a free cruise. We had to sit through one of those timeshare things though, which I was looking forward to since I'm a weirdo and just like experiencing new things, even situations that other people hate. It was pretty nice and the final deal they offered was a decent one and if DH would have been there I probably would have taken the deal. And we got free breakfast and brunch and a couple of vouchers as well as the cruise. I wouldn't mind sitting through another one.

Erin

I've often wondered about those things...and I've thought it would be worth sitting through a sales pitch for the special little vaca they give you. I almost had Rich & I signed up for one but at the time we were so poor/broke and I was afraid they'd make us pay them for the weekend if we didn't buy something..

[raspberry]

there will be the biggest party when it comes to baby time for Jennifer and Mandy!

that is so sad about the little girl, so incredibly sad. I hope Savana is doing okay. It's really hard talking to kids about death. G knows that Grandma is dead, and the other day out of the blue he asked me "am I going to die? mommy are you gonna die?" oh my heart, he's so young, how do you explain it? I hate that I have to.

L, so glad the surgery went well. Hope R is feeling better today. I feel for you, trying to keep him from exerting himself too much. Sometimes I worry that G is hyper active.

Chrissy, so nice your cousin moved back. I love when you have a connection that like, just pick up where you left off. Kindred spirits

Erin, love the idea of just you and K going on vacay together. You would have the best time. Some of my favorite childhood memories are just me, and my mom having fun together. A few years before she died; my mom, my sister, and I went on vacay together. We had never done just the girls trip before. We had the best time ever!!!

We said goodbye to our little 5 month niece Sophia last night, they are headed back home Wednesday. She's such a happy girl, and adorable of course. She has given me baby fever. And seeing my dh with the baby, oh my heart. Sophia really liked my dh too, babbling at him.

[daylilies]

I'm glad your cousin moved back Chrissy!
I'm glad the surgery went well L, I hope he's feeling better today.

[missychrissy]

Bridget, how did Savanna do last night? Today?

[Gwenn]

I'm bringing back memories. I mentioned my cousin passed away at 24. She and I were very close as kids and then grew apart a little when she was high school age. I last saw her 3 weeks before she died and we went out to breakfast together. We had a long heart-to-heart and I really felt we had drawn closer again to where we used to be. We had such a fun time together. Sorry, the talk of cousins reuniting added to the talk of losing cousins kind of brought it all back.

I wrote a bunch, then deleted it - don't want to make everyone sad.

Rough day at work today, too. Not a bad day, but a ton of work.

[daylilies]

Hugs, Mandy. I'm already having an emotional day (it's that time of month again). Bring it on!

[missychrissy]

I'm bringing back memories. I mentioned my cousin passed away at 24. She and I were very close as kids and then grew apart a little when she was high school age. I last saw her 3 weeks before she died and we went out to breakfast together. We had a long heart-to-heart and I really felt we had drawn closer again to where we used to be. We had such a fun time together. Sorry, the talk of cousins reuniting added to the talk of losing cousins kind of brought it all back.

I wrote a bunch, then deleted it - don't want to make everyone sad.

Rough day at work today, too. Not a bad day, but a ton of work.

I could only imagine how I'd feel if something had happened to Melly. With my mom being in and out of the state hospital throughout my childhood, and my father having to work, Melly's mom often had my brother and I...as well as being a single mom of 4 kids herself. Melony was genuinely like a sister to me. Still is.

[Gwenn]

I'm glad you have her back in your life.

[Bridget]

Yes, Mandy please share if it will make you feel better. Sorry you're having a rough day. You too, Kate.

Chrissy thanks for asking about Savana. This morning was full of tears and she has this huge fear of crying in front of other people and said kept asking me what she could do to stop herself from crying at school when people talk about what happened. I didn't have an answer for that one but that it was totally ok to cry but it's not ok with her at all. Then she was just begging me to let her stay home and be with me. After thinking non stop about that mama losing her baby I really did want to say yes but there was no way. She already missed a week while her Oma was here and I also was quite sure it would do her good to be with her classmates. When I picked her up she said it was a happy day even though they talked about J a lot and that they are all going to write down one thing they love about her and give it to her mom. I feel so grateful for the way her school is handling it.

I'm pretty sure Kai is teaching himself to read. We have this Usborne ABC book that is filled with pictures and the word under the picture and for the past 3 nights he sits in his room going through the entire book and "reading" the word really slowly saying each sound as he runs his finger underneath. He sits with Savana as she reads her school books outloud and watches her sound out words. That is exactly how I learned to read. My mom took care of a girl a year older than me and I used to sit with her and watch her sound out words as she pointed with her finger and then one day I just picked up a book and started to read.

[missychrissy]

Awww It sounds like the school is handling it as best they can. How awful for everyone.

and Kai reading?! That's so sweet!

[Gwenn]

Way to go, Kai!

I'm glad Savana had a positive day, all things considered. It's totally okay to cry at school after what happened.

I was just writing out that I agree with Liz, it's all the things she never got to do that really bother me. She had a high school boyfriend, but never experienced a long-term, adult relationship. She never had kids. She was also super-religious and I suspect there was a lot she had never experienced in that direction, although she was gorgeous and had a lot of admirers. Not kidding, there was a line of young men at her funeral, all carrying roses. Something I never thought I would see in my life. She had also just moved into her first apartment that was all hers, no roommates, and had just started a graduate program to be a physician's assistant. All the left-undone things just really make me glad for all that I did get to experience, even if I have STC and had other struggles. It just really makes you think. Sorry for all that - I know there are members here who have gone through far worse than what I went through. It just crushed me to see someone absolutely in the prime of life, just gone like that. So much potential. Sorry.

[Bridget]

You don't have to apologize for anything, Gwenn. I think you are right in that the only smidgen of comfort we can take from these tragedies is to be grateful for what we have. Otherwise it's all for nothing.

[daylilies]

Oh man I am practically crying over here! I told you it was an emotional day.

I feel so awful today, Bo was getting into trouble all day, Josh wasn't listening, at the end of the day he refused to brush his teeth because he wasn't ready to go to bed even though it was later than usual because I let him stay up to see DH even though he was home late from work. Then DH was harsh with him because he refused to brush his teeth and then I overreacted to both of them because I was at the end of my rope with all the arguing and disagreeing all day and he said "Mom, you just don't know how hard it is to be a kid" and he went on to explain that we are always telling him what to do and sometimes he doesn't understand what we mean. It was a very eloquent thought and I just felt so bad. I told him I was a kid once too and he said "You just don't remember." and it's true. I have no recollection what it was like to be 5 and have things expected of you. I feel like I don't know how much I can expect of him sometimes.

[Gwenn]

Josh is a really insightful little guy. Sorry you all had a hard day.

[daylilies]

I just don't give him enough credit.

When I was putting him to bed he said he didn't like his "baby books" anymore and just likes the chapter books. We've been reading The Wonderful Wizard of Oz for the second time now.

[Gwenn]

He's really growing up, isn't he? Aww...

Love the Wizard of Oz, though.

[raspberry]

hugs all around to everyone having a bad day

it's so unfair when someone young dies. I haven't had anyone close to me die while they were young. When I was 13, there was a girl my age that was struck and killed by a bus. It was so sad. Several years later, her mother had written a book about her daughter, I saw her mother in the store selling the books. I talked to her briefly, I didn't know her daughter personally, but I knew her name. I could tell her mother was looking at me, as what could have been, I felt such sympathy for her.

[AbbeysMom]

I feel so bad for that momma and the driver too. I can't imagine. I hope Savana can process it without the tragedy causing any extra anxiety issues for her.

to all of you who have been having sad days as of late. My DD made me cry, in kind of a sweet way yesterday. We were on camping/rv vacation with the in laws and I was having a hard time with my FIL, he just seems to not enjoy my company (or personality, or ideological beliefs, or anything really). Then I accidentally threw DD's fishing pole into the lake while showing her how to cast and felt terrible. We hopped into the car to go get her another pole and I just felt awful, like my in laws acted/though I was the stupidest person. Then Abbey said "Grandma is Daddy's Mommy, and Grandpa is Daddy's Daddy. Momma, I wish you had a mommy for you." It made me cry and love her so much at the same time. I know I'm biased but what kind of 3 year old is that perceptive?

Anyway. Happy to be going home tomorrow. I truly dislike camping, even in an RV. The wind is so loud I feel like the whole thing could tip over, I have an unexplained rash all over my neck that itches like crazy and is keeping me awake, and I stepped on a thorn that looks like an inch-long steel nail. And I miss my bed/laundry machine/house/kitties/everything.

[missychrissy]

I was just writing out that I agree with Liz, it's all the things she never got to do that really bother me. She had a high school boyfriend, but never experienced a long-term, adult relationship. She never had kids. She was also super-religious and I suspect there was a lot she had never experienced in that direction, although she was gorgeous and had a lot of admirers. Not kidding, there was a line of young men at her funeral, all carrying roses. Something I never thought I would see in my life. She had also just moved into her first apartment that was all hers, no roommates, and had just started a graduate program to be a physician's assistant. All the left-undone things just really make me glad for all that I did get to experience, even if I have STC and had other struggles. It just really makes you think. Sorry for all that - I know there are members here who have gone through far worse than what I went through. It just crushed me to see someone absolutely in the prime of life, just gone like that. So much potential. Sorry.

No, don't be sorry. That really is tragic. When I hear things like this, I always hope there is something after...it just makes me so sad. And grateful. Life really is a miraculous gift, no matter what your personal beliefs are. It's good to take time and reflect on that.

Oh man I am practically crying over here! I told you it was an emotional day.

I feel so awful today, Bo was getting into trouble all day, Josh wasn't listening, at the end of the day he refused to brush his teeth because he wasn't ready to go to bed even though it was later than usual because I let him stay up to see DH even though he was home late from work. Then DH was harsh with him because he refused to brush his teeth and then I overreacted to both of them because I was at the end of my rope with all the arguing and disagreeing all day and he said "Mom, you just don't know how hard it is to be a kid" and he went on to explain that we are always telling him what to do and sometimes he doesn't understand what we mean. It was a very eloquent thought and I just felt so bad. I told him I was a kid once too and he said "You just don't remember." and it's true. I have no recollection what it was like to be 5 and have things expected of you. I feel like I don't know how much I can expect of him sometimes.

awww...I just him. He really is quite insightful-and to be able to articulate that? I'm impressed.

it's so unfair when someone young dies. I haven't had anyone close to me die while they were young. When I was 13, there was a girl my age that was struck and killed by a bus. It was so sad. Several years later, her mother had written a book about her daughter, I saw her mother in the store selling the books. I talked to her briefly, I didn't know her daughter personally, but I knew her name. I could tell her mother was looking at me, as what could have been, I felt such sympathy for her.

Ugh, I've had that happen before. I worked with a woman who had lost her daughter at 15. We discovered her daughter was born the same month and year that I was. It was very uncomfortable and I didn't know what to say. I just patted her arm and we both had tears in our eyes.

Her daughter had stolen the family car with her friends. They went out drinking and driving and she wrecked it just a mile and a half from home. They were a 'good' family too, not ones you'd expect something like that to happen to. Not that anyone ever deserves that or anything, but I had a classmate that died trying to outrun the cops in a car...I wasn't totally shocked he did that. He was always getting in trouble. I was still very upset and sad though. Keith Ellis was my first long-haired, bad-boy crush.

to all of you who have been having sad days as of late. My DD made me cry, in kind of a sweet way yesterday. We were on camping/rv vacation with the in laws and I was having a hard time with my FIL, he just seems to not enjoy my company (or personality, or ideological beliefs, or anything really). Then I accidentally threw DD's fishing pole into the lake while showing her how to cast and felt terrible. We hopped into the car to go get her another pole and I just felt awful, like my in laws acted/though I was the stupidest person. Then Abbey said "Grandma is Daddy's Mommy, and Grandpa is Daddy's Daddy. Momma, I wish you had a mommy for you." It made me cry and love her so much at the same time. I know I'm biased but what kind of 3 year old is that perceptive?

Awww... I think your fil is mean to you and I've decided I don't like him. That could happen to anybody.

[MashedUp]

I'm sorry everyone is having such bad/sad days lately I lost a close friend a couple years after college in a hit and run accident. I still think about her often and wonder what she would be doing today.

Lots of hugs all around

[daylilies]

So I'm curious, how do you all get it through your guy's head that it is not okay to dismiss our feelings or emotions when we have our period?

I know that how I react to things during that time of the month is probably a little more over the top than it usually would be, but that doesn't mean the feelings come from nowhere. I've told him before that the way I feel about things during my period is usually how I feel about them normally, it's just that I'm more apt to verbalize those feelings when I'm feeling extra sensitive like that. I hate it how he refuses to take me seriously when I react to things during my period, like I'm just being crazy. I cried myself to sleep last night because I felt so mad at myself for marrying a man who treats me like that. My married life is not turning out how I pictured it at all. It seems like we are against each other much more often than we are a team, like I had hoped to be. In parenting, and how we treat each other, and even how we go about our day and spend our time together, it's like we're on two totally different wavelengths. This is not what I wanted.