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Thread: Secular Confessions

  1. #30901
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    I need some advice, ladies. A few months ago, someone who I used to go to church with as a teenager died of cancer, so I sent her husband a card saying that I was sorry for his loss. The card was in no way religious at all. After that, he sent me an e-mail to say thanks for thinking of him and a few days later, he sent a friend request on FB. So, I thought there was no harm in it as he's just an old guy who I used to know. Any how, in his e-mail, he asked if I had found a church to go to. Then, today, he's sent a message asking again if I ever found a church and if I haven't, he could try to help by sending some info through. I've realized he's hardcore religious with some of the stuff I've seen him post on FB, so how do I inform him that I no longer am a believer/church-goer type person? I'm struggling with finding the words that will make it not sound so negative, but I'd like him to back off the church stuff. I don't think I can just ignore him as one of my cousins still goes to the same church as he does, so he'll probably ask her about it if I don't reply in some way. Any thoughts?

  2. #30902

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    I would just tell him you are all squared away for church and thanks for asking. If he persists then I would let him know that you are not a religious person and will not require any further assistance thank you vet much goodbye

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    Very

  4. #30904
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    Thanks, Katy. I think I will try that approach and hope he doesn't ask follow up questions!

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    I was going to suggest the same as Katy...Thanks, but I'm good! I'd ignore any further inquiries.

    I've been up to campus twice because the jocks in athletics don't think it's important to keep scheduled appointments. The 2nd time the supervisor told my supervisor that yes, they were there and ready. I get up there and start going through my check-list and then the supervisor up there starts in with, "how long is this going to take? Can we go to lunch?" I finally hit a roadblock and had to let them go...so the computer still isn't set up.

    Mama to Bobbie 20 ~ Jesi 18 ~ Syd 14 ~ Conner 6
    I'm gonna be a Gramama! Jesi is due 11/22/13


  6. #30906

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    It might also help when you reply to keep foremost in your mind that he is probably just wanting to do something that he feels will help you and that you would find valuable. It's very sweet that he would go to the trouble, which makes it that much more distressing to deal with if he persists.

    "Any idiot can face a crisis; it is this day-to-day living that wears you out." -Anton Chekhov


  7. #30907
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    Ugg, woke up with a headache so I caved and took a tylenol. Didn't have time for breakfast. End up at work with a stomach ache, likely the tylenol. Eventually caved and took something for the stomach ache so I could actually be at my desk getting some work done. I feel like a mess today.

    Good news though, it hurt much less putting my shoe on this morning (once on it's ok) so maybe the foot is going to heal faster than I expected.

    Jennifer, 35, DH 36

  8. #30908
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    Quote Originally Posted by girlwonder View Post
    It might also help when you reply to keep foremost in your mind that he is probably just wanting to do something that he feels will help you and that you would find valuable. It's very sweet that he would go to the trouble, which makes it that much more distressing to deal with if he persists.
    That's the thing. He's thinking he's helping me out, but I'm definitely not in to his religion any more. He posted something the other day on his Wall about Obama and the homosexuals running the country to the ground. I don't know how he'll take the news that i'm not one of them any more. Sigh.

  9. #30909

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    Dh doesn't throw tantrums, but I do sometimes!

    I hate it when he takes longer than he says he will. It happens a lot. I make plans around it and I end up having to wait up.

    I took Josh to Concord, MA today where I used to live, for the Patriots Day parade. It was awesome. They have a pretty big parade (being Concord, and all) and Josh stood up the whole time and went "Wooooo! Wooooo!" I will post a video when I get around to it.
    I miss Concord, but I certainly can't afford to live there like my parents did.

    Katy I agree with the advice you got about the guy on fb. And if he persisted I wouldn't feel bad about defriending him.

  10. #30910
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    I'm beginning to think I'm the biggest witch that's ever walked the planet because there's no way Rich would have gotten to an hour late for something we had planned without him hearing about it.

    Actually, I did take the kids myself for many years because either he was preoccupied with other things, didn't like the people involved (generally my family), or would act so bad after I found it easier to just go without him. But there were still times when we planned things all together and I know I wouldn't have waited. When we're supposed to go at a certain time, I better see everyone getting ready.

    Mama to Bobbie 20 ~ Jesi 18 ~ Syd 14 ~ Conner 6
    I'm gonna be a Gramama! Jesi is due 11/22/13


  11. #30911

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    Oh, if we have to be somewhere, he's ready early. But if he's out with Josh, or at a friend's house, he's never home when he originally projected that he would be. I can't do anything about it at that point, so I sit at home and stew.

  12. #30912
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    DH has tantrums on occasion. Less often now than he used to, but he still does every so often. I ignore them. Like Erin, it used to bother me but now I'm used to it. A lot of it I put down to his military experience, though (he hates that and would probably have a tantrum if he even knew I was saying that) and I figure there's going to be a few issues dealing with him. I've noticed if there's something underneath that is bothering him, he's more likely to get upset about stupid stuff but when he's in a better mood he lets things slide. Honestly, I'm the same way so I can't blame him for that.

    I am confused about prenatal vitamins. I've been meaning to research the whole folate issue but haven't talked to my doctor since all that went on (avoiding, mostly). I was looking for a new bottle of prenatal vitamins today. This fall, my doctor gave me a prescription for folic acid and told me I should take 3000mcg - he gave me a prescription folic acid pill and told me to take two of those plus a prenatal vitamin. I pointed out my prenatal had 800mcg so that was 2800mcg total unless he wanted me to take 3 extra pills. He said I was fine with 2 + a prenatal. Today we were at a store that has a lot of organic/hippy stuff and they had a special prenatal vitamin for women who are TTC. It had 5mg (5000mcg) of folic acid plus guaifenasin (mucinex - which a lot of people take to help with CM and I have been meaning to try). I thought about getting it, but I have a ton of prescription folic acid lying around the house and just felt it would be a waste - but maybe a 5mg pill would be good? I was confused, though, because I have only ever seen 400mcg or 800mcg folic acid in prenatals and understood you needed a prescription for 1000mcg or more so I was afraid the package was lying and it didn't really have that much. Another prenatal had 800mcg of *folate* instead of folic acid. I ended up going with the 800mcg folate pill.

    I know none of you know or care - but I'm confused so I'm sharing. Sorry.
    Me (40) DH (47) & furbabies * m/c 7/08 4/12 11/12

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    Mandy, we care, even if we don't have the answers. I remember reading something about how folate is a more bioavailable form or something. Not helpful. Sorry!

  14. #30914

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    Same here, I don't know, but I care. I feel like I should know more about it since I took extra folic acid to help prevent spina bifida, but I don't remember hearing anything about folate and I honestly don't know the difference.

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    How much did you take, Kate? I imagine you are in just about the highest risk category so I'm interested in the dosage they wanted you to have.
    Me (40) DH (47) & furbabies * m/c 7/08 4/12 11/12

  16. #30916
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    Quote Originally Posted by daylilies View Post
    Same here, I don't know, but I care. ...
    Me too. I care a great deal. I wish I could offer knowledge, but I'm sure L will be along with some input on it.

    Mama to Bobbie 20 ~ Jesi 18 ~ Syd 14 ~ Conner 6
    I'm gonna be a Gramama! Jesi is due 11/22/13


  17. #30917
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    Quote Originally Posted by missychrissy View Post
    Me too. I care a great deal. I wish I could offer knowledge, but I'm sure L will be along with some input on it.
    Actually, this is something I know absolutely nothing about. I could do some research, but you guys who are in the front lines know more about these things than I do. I don't even know the recommended dose for folic acid off the top of my head. Just like one of our average specialist MDs doesn't know the normal dose for tylenol if he needs to write an order for it. If you want, I can try to read up on it once I'm done with my dinner (I'm eating at the computer) and the kids are in bed. I probably am good at sorting through medical information more quickly than the average person.

    And my dh doesn't throw temper tantrums, but he does get sulky.


  18. #30918

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    I'm with everyone else thus far in caring a whole lot but not having answers for you.

  19. #30919
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    L, you're not perfect and 100% knowledgeable in all medical topics? My perception of you was a wee bit off.

    Maybe Jennifer will know. She's another smart one about this sort of thing. And what about Abbeysmom? She seems to have a lot of general knowledge stuff floating around in her head too.

    We're a smart bunch. Or y'all are and I"m just sitting here in awe of everyone. (j/k!!! I am smart in my little area of expertise).

    Speaking of...did I mention I really, really hate jocks? And the athletics dept is one that I support at Cornell. Who would have thought all their administrative assistants would be testosterone filled 20-something guys? Pompous jerks they are.

    Mama to Bobbie 20 ~ Jesi 18 ~ Syd 14 ~ Conner 6
    I'm gonna be a Gramama! Jesi is due 11/22/13


  20. #30920

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    Quote Originally Posted by Gwenn View Post
    How much did you take, Kate? I imagine you are in just about the highest risk category so I'm interested in the dosage they wanted you to have.
    Gosh I wish I could remember but I really don't A prenatal plus a folic acid pill but I don't know how many mg Sorry!

  21. #30921
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    L, if it's something you can look at quickly I'd appreciate it but don't do a bunch of research on my behalf. You have plenty to deal with at home.

    I was thinking of asking my dad to research it as he's put quite a bit of time into researching folic acid and MTHFR but he has a tendency to go completely overboard and drive me insane. It's kind of a hot-button issue with him after we had a death in the family, which I do understand. His asperger's tendencies tend to drive him a little too far, though, and he can make me crazy on the subject. Especially because he's a physicist, not a physician, and he doesn't always realize when he doesn't understand medical terminology - although he is brilliant.

    What I do know is that the recommended dose is "at least 400mcg" and OTC prenatals either have 400, 600, or 800mcg. I did think you needed a prescription for more than 1000mcg. People at risk for neural tube defects are supposed to take 4000mcg. I have searched and searched and can't find a standard recommended dosage for MTHFR - everyone agrees I need to take more than the average dosage, but not as much as the high-risk neural tube defect category. After my m/c in 2008, the doctor I saw then told me to take 1000mcg extra. 3000mcg that my doc recommended does sound reasonable, but I'm kind of of the mindset that you can't really take too much.
    Last edited by Gwenn; 04-16-2012 at 07:51 PM.
    Me (40) DH (47) & furbabies * m/c 7/08 4/12 11/12

  22. #30922
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    Quote Originally Posted by Gwenn View Post
    ...but I'm kind of of the mindset that you can't really take too much.
    I don't know...at some point there's bound to be a 'too much' threshold...but who knows what that is?

    Mama to Bobbie 20 ~ Jesi 18 ~ Syd 14 ~ Conner 6
    I'm gonna be a Gramama! Jesi is due 11/22/13


  23. #30923
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    I read somewhere (can't quote a source, so maybe I'm wrong) that the only really negative to extra folic acid is that it masks deficiency in another B vitamin. In and of itself, it isn't harmful but that is the reason it is prescription in higher doses.
    Me (40) DH (47) & furbabies * m/c 7/08 4/12 11/12

  24. #30924

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    You guys want to hear something funny? The other night when I came into the living room balancing 2 full laundry baskets, dumped them in a pile and proceeded to fold, dbf said, "Baby, I feel so sorry for you that you are always working so hard."

    And that was it.

    He didn't get up to help me.

    Then today he tell me that he is playing so much poker because he want to make enough money so that I don't have to work so hard. I don't get it. What is going to change if you make more money? I am going to hire an assistant? The only thing that is going to lessen my work load is for you to SHARE IT WITH ME. This is not rocket science.
    Also I left Sawyer with him and mil today for less than 2 hours and took Savana and Kai out for a bit. When i came home they were both practically sweating because apparently Sawyer missed me so much and it was really hard for them. Lol. Of course I had to hear about how the reason it's so hard for him is because he's SO used to being with me ALL the time that he just doesn't know what to do when I'm gone. I'm like really? A baby cried when his mama left? What extreme behavior.
    As much as everyone is drilling home the point that I need to take time away from my kids I think they should have done me a solid and told me everything was fine while i was gone. Now I just feel like **** about how sad he was the whole time and how hard it apparently was on everyone for me to go to the library for a freaking minute.

  25. #30925
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    Quote Originally Posted by Bridget View Post
    You guys want to hear something funny? The other night when I came into the living room balancing 2 full laundry baskets, dumped them in a pile and proceeded to fold, dbf said, "Baby, I feel so sorry for you that you are always working so hard."

    And that was it.

    He didn't get up to help me.

    Then today he tell me that he is playing so much poker because he want to make enough money so that I don't have to work so hard. I don't get it. What is going to change if you make more money? I am going to hire an assistant? The only thing that is going to lessen my work load is for you to SHARE IT WITH ME. This is not rocket science.
    Also I left Sawyer with him and mil today for less than 2 hours and took Savana and Kai out for a bit. When i came home they were both practically sweating because apparently Sawyer missed me so much and it was really hard for them. Lol. Of course I had to hear about how the reason it's so hard for him is because he's SO used to being with me ALL the time that he just doesn't know what to do when I'm gone. I'm like really? A baby cried when his mama left? What extreme behavior.
    As much as everyone is drilling home the point that I need to take time away from my kids I think they should have done me a solid and told me everything was fine while i was gone. Now I just feel like **** about how sad he was the whole time and how hard it apparently was on everyone for me to go to the library for a freaking minute.
    LOL - too funny he is sorry you're working too hard.

    I agree - they could have let you enjoy yourself without making you feel guilty.
    Me (40) DH (47) & furbabies * m/c 7/08 4/12 11/12

  26. #30926
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    What I have been seeing so far is that supplementation and treatment is dependent on your homocysteine levels, so the degree to which you have been affected by MTHFR. You can actually have both copies of the gene, and still have normal homocysteine levels, and not need any intervention.

    I am seeing a lot of conflicting evidence, mostly because studies have not been proving anything, one way or the other. Here is a current (April 2012) snip from an article from the American Heart Association. I would go with the 4 mg folate supplementation if okay with your doctor--that's 10x the normal recommended dose, and the same dose that women with spina bifida or other neural tube defects take. Frankly, though, 3000 mcg is really a lot more than the 400 mcg per day that is recommended for an average pregnant woman, and if people don't really know, it doesn't seem all that different in terms of scale than 4000 mcg (4 mg). So, I guess what I'm saying is that if it's important to you, you could probably argue FOR taking 4 mg per day, but there isn't necessarily any evidence that shows it is worth taking and 3 mg/3000 mcg per day is still a lot.

    That probably didn't help that much. I'm sorry.

    MTHFR mutations have been linked in some studies to an increased chance of having a baby with a neural tube defect (spina bifida). One study suggested that mothers with 2 MTHFR mutations were twice as likely to have a baby with a neural tube defect, whereas other studies have not supported this finding. Recent research has implied that risks vary, based on the nutritional status of the mother (ie, folate levels, vitamin intake) and whether or not she has an elevated homocysteine level. Because of this controversy, some practitioners may recommend extra folate supplementation (usually 4 mg) for women with 2 MTHFR mutations, whereas other practitioners will recommend normal use of prenatal vitamins containing folic acid for a woman who does not have an elevated homocysteine level.

    There is also conflicting evidence about the relation between homozygous MTHFR mutations and pregnancy complications (including preeclampsia, placental abruption, recurrent pregnancy loss, and intrauterine growth restriction, as described earlier). A recent meta-analysis, which combined all of the data from these studies, found that there was not an association between MTHFR and recurrent pregnancy loss. It seems that homozygous MTHFR may moderately increase the risk of preeclampsia and placental abruption, but more research in this area is necessary. Although it is not standard medical practice to test for MTHFR mutations when a woman has a history of these complications, some practitioners may order this testing.
    Quote Originally Posted by WomensHealth.Gov (Folic Acid Fact Sheet)
    Can women get too much folic acid?

    You can't get too much folic acid from foods that naturally contain it. But unless your doctor tells you otherwise, do not consume more than 1,000 mcg of folic acid a day. Consuming too much folic acid can hide signs that a person is lacking vitamin B12, which can cause nerve damage. Lacking vitamin B12 is rare among women of childbearing age. Plus, most prenatal vitamins also contain B12 to help women get all that they need. People at risk of not having enough vitamin B12 are mainly people 50 years and older and people who eat no animal products.


  27. #30927

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    The Megafood Prenatal Herb-free is what I took and am currently taking. It has Folate because it's sourced from food rather than a manufactured vitamin (the folate is from broccoli). I don't know if they make just a folate-only supplement, but there is a risk of toxicity from taking too much of the manufactured version (folic acid), but it's super low too.

    It couldn't hurt to eat more asparagus, lima beans, and artichokes too... they are all great natural sources of B9 and I've always thought your body absorbs more nutrients from food anyway.
    Last edited by AbbeysMom; 04-16-2012 at 09:40 PM.



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  28. #30928
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    Thanks to both of you. Both of your links confirm what I had already heard, that the concern with elevated folic acid is that it could mask b12 deficiency, which is especially unlikely if I am already taking a prenatal with b12. Molly's link also mentioned an elevated risk of seizures in people who take anticonvulsant meds, but I don't take anticonvulsants so that is not a concern for me.

    I am going to go with the ones I bought today - 800mcg folate supplemented with the 2 1mg folic acid pills until my prescription runs put, and then I will ask the doc about the 5mg pill. I do wonder how it's available without a prescription, though.
    Last edited by Gwenn; 04-16-2012 at 09:51 PM.
    Me (40) DH (47) & furbabies * m/c 7/08 4/12 11/12

  29. #30929
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    Oh Bridget Do you ever say anything to him when he makes a statement like that? It doesn't seem like the idea to actually physically help is gonna cross his mind.

    Mama to Bobbie 20 ~ Jesi 18 ~ Syd 14 ~ Conner 6
    I'm gonna be a Gramama! Jesi is due 11/22/13


  30. #30930
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    Oh, L, I forgot to say that my doctor tested my folate levels (which were slightly low, but not very) but did not check my homocysteine. My Dad got really mad that I said the doc didn't test that but I supposed in the end if the folate was low, I needed to supplement. Do you think I should have someone (this doc or maybe even an endo) check my homocysteine now?
    Me (40) DH (47) & furbabies * m/c 7/08 4/12 11/12

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