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Thread: Secular Confessions

  1. #29461

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    Quote Originally Posted by demigraf View Post

    I'm not particularly bothered by the B word, although I can definitely see how it can have oppressive connotations. Granted, I'm not much of a cusser in general - going back to our earlier discussion. Sometimes, I let loose a satisfying F-bomb, when there's absolutely no substitute in that situation. But since I'm somewhat anal about my choice of words, there's a part of me that looks for the term that most precisely captures what I mean to say. It's rare that a "potty" word fits that bill. I just liked the juxtaposition of B with the GC in the case of that show's title.

    If you don't like the original "B", I hear people are substituting "Belles" in its place.
    I also am not personally bothered too much by it. When I was in high school my best friend and I gave each other "nick names." I was B!tch and she was Ho LOL! I was 17 and honestly I was and still can be very b!tchy and she slept around a lot and had 5 boyfriends so she was kind of ho-ish but we would get mad if someone else called us that. Weird teenagers I guess. Now it doesn't bother me if someone calls me a B I just feel that having two shows in primetime with B in them may cause some people to think they can just go around and all willy nilly call any and every woman a B!tch but that is just my crazy thought process I think.

    But you all should check out the show. It actually reminds me a lot of my southern friends, the way they are what I call a "mean nice." They have a wonderful tone of voice when around you and make it seem like they are speaking highly of you but they are smiling in your face and bashing you. It is pretty hilarious in person being that I am a blunt person and will just say what I want with no cushioning. I see what they do as an art form of sorts.

    Quote Originally Posted by demigraf View Post
    Not that I think any of you would think of me as the "Asian flavor of the month". Ha!~
    This made me giggle. But now that you mention it, you can be my Asian flavor for the rest of this month LOL!

    But I understand what you mean about the crazy men. Atlanta is now considered an "Asian Mecca" mostly a lot of Koreans have moved here and I work with a few. About 2 of our public housing buildings have a very large Asian population, over 30% at each building which is always shocking to people who don't really know much about Atlanta, but my co-workers have told me that there are some really crazy freaky men who think they can say anything to them. It is unbelievable what some of them have told me about being online and even just everyday life that those freaks have done or said.

    Bridget, I am so sorry your DBF is being so jerky about the trip. I agree you have a lot of patience. Like I always say he reminds me of my DH. I have been in a similar position where I was kind of really depending on him to travel somewhere with us and he was starting to flake out. I started to get angry at him, the last time was during a tough spell for us that he flaked like that and so I said F him and told him so and that I would go by myself. He tried to protest, I think wanting to be a martyr too, but I refused to let him go and went by myself. I hope you have a great time on your trip and like the other ladies have said, at least you can have some help when you get there.

    Is there any way you can leave super early and maybe the kids can sleep the whole way. Elle used to be crazy in her carseat too with the screaming on road trips and she doesn't like them to this day. I always leave super early to lessen the amount of time I have to hear her complaining and also it will lesson the stops/potty breaks we will have to take. When we went to FL recently we left at 5 am so that I could get a good 4 hours driving in before the kids would want to eat/potty break and on really long trips I will do them overnight so that the kids will sleep the whole way and I can drive for 7-8 hours straight (usually we leave at midnight or 1am when we go to OH or Chicago by car).

    Erin
    Last edited by Ky'sMom; 03-15-2012 at 09:29 AM.

  2. #29462

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    LOL, Christina! Slight miscommunication there.

    Bridget... ack! I think you should go and bring your DBF along and let him act like a martyr, and make him actually behave like a martyr by doing his fair share of the work. If he wants to pout about it, then fine. Who knows, maybe all he wants is for you to thank him like the martyr he thinks he is. (I know it's not fair, given that you pull more than your own weight.) One of the mamas in our DD room (spiritual, church-going but not particularly a believer in JC or attached to one organized religion) - whom I've tried to recruit multiple times into our little Secular cult here - once shared this article about "unconscious overclaiming". It definitely applied to both me & DH when Bodhi was an itty bitty and we both felt like we were drowning. And it seems to be affecting your DBF a lot of the time too. I hope he can start to see your contributions more clearly, dear.

  3. #29463

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    Wow, DH and I are both totally guilty of that! Great article. It really puts things in perspective.
    AKA Lisa724

  4. #29464

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    Isn't that a cool site, overall, Lisa? I keep meaning to spend more time there with The Happiness Project, but one of the tenets often repeated on the site is how procrastination gets in the way of happiness, and I'm reluctant to poke around if I have a stack of other things to do. Maybe if I were to reframe the way I look at spending time on the site as one of the important things in my stack, I wouldn't see it so much as procrastination. I do like the message there.

    Quote Originally Posted by Ky'sMom View Post

    ... you can be my Asian flavor for the rest of this month LOL!

    But I understand what you mean about the crazy men. Atlanta is now considered an "Asian Mecca" mostly a lot of Koreans have moved here and I work with a few. About 2 of our public housing buildings have a very large Asian population, over 30% at each building which is always shocking to people who don't really know much about Atlanta, but my co-workers have told me that there are some really crazy freaky men who think they can say anything to them. It is unbelievable what some of them have told me about being online and even just everyday life that those freaks have done or said.
    Yep yep. I don't know if it's limited to just Asian women or if men just develop these weird fascinations with particular ethnicities, but I've seen Asian fetishes practiced to the height of creepiness. I mean, people will be physically attracted to whatever look they like, and that's fine. But when you start painting a whole ethnicity of women with a broad brush and act as though you expect them to conform to the stereotype, it's just gross. I remember one time walking around a resort town in Thailand with my travel buddy - a very beautiful, strong, half-African American - and this Scandinavian guy walked by, slapped me on the behind and kept walking. Angela, my friend, went after him and yelled how that was so not-right. And he said something so revolting like "This is Thailand." as though that were self-explanatory for why he could act that way (him thinking I was perhaps one of the red-light district gals) and then he went on to act like her response was expected on account of her skin color. It was very disturbing. A drag queen had to practically break up a fight.

    Another time, I made the mistake of giving another guy my home number while I still lived with my parents, and when I got to know him a little more, realized he was one of those fetishists. So I told him I wasn't interested in him in that way. He still kept calling the house and got a little flirty with my mom... grossly. Like asking her about her body build, what type of foods she cooked and if she looked like me, and just overall acting like he had some sort of special knowledge of us because he knew where we were from. Ugh. I still shudder to think about that guy.


  5. #29465
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    I totally and completely have the creeps now!!!!

    I have met a few who have a thing about red-hair, but I'm pretty crude (mean) so I don't get harassed too much. Nothing to the extent that you have had to deal with, I am so sorry. Some people are just sick....

    Things are a little crazy, but I'm loving every minute of it My Blog


  6. #29466

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    I have no preconceived notions of what women from different Asian countries are "supposed to be like", so don't worry about it. You're beautiful and you're very smart and funny and kind and that's pretty much all I expect you to be.

    I have red hair. DH has a thing for it and I dated another guy who did too, but nothing creepy.



    I got a call this morning from the public school system asking me if I'd be interested in a bus monitor job. There's a van that takes 4 kids from the area to school in Providence. I don't know exactly what program they're with but I get the idea they're kind of unruly. I have to keep them under control and write them up if they mouth off. It pays more than the cafeteria job and is actually consistent (part time) instead of just a substitute job. But they're high school kids and I'm a little worried I won't be able to handle it. We'll see, I guess. I did ask if this would keep me out of the running for a more permanent position in the cafeterias (which would pay more than the bus monitor job) and she said it wouldn't.

  7. #29467

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    I am so guilty of overclaiming! lol. But I realized this a while back and have made a concious effort to stop. The reason I did it was because I found myself angrily cleaning up and taking no joy at all in making my house beautiful. Thus my children, especially Savana, would stomp around every time I asked her to do something talking about how she hated cleaning and she hated putting her laundry away. That made me check myself because I do think it's important to take joy in tasks that seem menial but really are so important in day to day life.

    So the martyrdom has already started. He's so predictable. I just put all the children in their sleeping bags and brought the dishes upstairs and he said, "You know what? I am just going to go even if it's hard for me because it's going to be too hard for you to do alone."
    I told him it's going to piss me off even more if he puts me through all this stress just to end up going anyway. At this point I don't even want him there. I'm just nervous. The drive is the only part that makes me nervous. Once we get there, my dad will be there (he is driving up today) and my cousins and aunts and uncles so I will have more help than I even need. It's just the driving. Erin, Sawyer sleeps better for his daytime nap then he does at night so I am planning on playing outside with him all morning to wear him out and then trying to leave around 10 when he normally starts his nap and hoping he sleeps for 2-3 hours. Savana and Kai are great in the car. Audio books make them perfectly happy.

  8. #29468

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    Oh, and Mylah, I saw a lot of the asian fetish creeps in Hawaii. My bosses (the owners) of a couple of the clubs I worked at were that way and total scumbags who visited Thailand regularly and not for the beautiful landscape if ya know what I'm saying. They were so slimy and disgusting I shudder just thinking about them. So I can understand your trepidation. I will say that your friend who chased down the arse smacker sounds like a good friend to have!

  9. #29469
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    I guess Indian women don't attract the same sort of creepy attention. We just attract a lot of dumb questions.

    Myles, that's the sort of thing that happens in India. All. The. Time. I can't even begin to tell you how often I've been groped. When we were in school over there and had to use public transportation, we always went, well armed. Diaper pins and compass were the tools of choice.

  10. #29470
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    I actually enjoy cleaning house. When I have time of course. I find it really relaxing. I put on some music and probably look a fool dancing around cleaning

    Not so much anymore. Everything is so rushed.

    Things are a little crazy, but I'm loving every minute of it My Blog


  11. #29471

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    Ha, Suja. That might explain the time I was on a bus in India and woke up with a guy's hands down my pants? I literally punched him in the arm, told him my father was with the C.I.A. (LOL! no idea where that spilled out of me from) and made him sit somewhere else. And since there were no other seats available, he ended up sitting on top of a pile of people's luggage. For like 7 more hours. Is it strange that I still feel sorry for that guy to this day?

    Bridge, I didn't really imagine you were unconsciously overclaiming in the least. It always seems to me like your DBF misses opportunities to help out.

  12. #29472

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    Oh, Mylah! I cannot believe you feel sorry for him! I love that you said your dad was with the cia. I am surprised you only punched him in the arm.

    No, I used to say I did "everything" around here and how could that be true? He does things of course. If there is one thing I have learned from living with a huge BS-er is to only state the truth. I'm working with him on doing this too because he will say to Savana, "You are always mean to your brother" and of course that's not true. Or let's say I leave the light on in the garage he will say, "I turn the garage light off three times a day." I tell him that he has no credibility when he does that.

  13. #29473
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    Quote Originally Posted by demigraf View Post
    Ha, Suja. That might explain the time I was on a bus in India and woke up with a guy's hands down my pants? .
    Holy crap! You only punched him in the arm? I would've knocked a few teeth out. One good thing is that while there are lots of creepos out there, once you stand up and say 'Creepy guy! Look what he did!', all the other upstanding citizens will beat the tar out of him.

    My first experience (that I remember) with this sort of behavior was when I was around 12. I was going up the library steps with my mom and brother (they were lagging a few steps), when a guy who was going in the opposite direction just reached out and grabbed my breast. I was in shock, but my automatic response was to slap him. I was shaking after that.

  14. #29474
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    Quote Originally Posted by Suja View Post
    Holy crap! You only punched him in the arm? I would've knocked a few teeth out. One good thing is that while there are lots of creepos out there, once you stand up and say 'Creepy guy! Look what he did!', all the other upstanding citizens will beat the tar out of him.

    My first experience (that I remember) with this sort of behavior was when I was around 12. I was going up the library steps with my mom and brother (they were lagging a few steps), when a guy who was going in the opposite direction just reached out and grabbed my breast. I was in shock, but my automatic response was to slap him. I was shaking after that.
    OMG What a perv!!! I would have kicked him in the gnads!!

    Things are a little crazy, but I'm loving every minute of it My Blog


  15. #29475

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    Quote Originally Posted by daylilies View Post
    I got a call this morning from the public school system asking me if I'd be interested in a bus monitor job. There's a van that takes 4 kids from the area to school in Providence. I don't know exactly what program they're with but I get the idea they're kind of unruly. I have to keep them under control and write them up if they mouth off. It pays more than the cafeteria job and is actually consistent (part time) instead of just a substitute job. But they're high school kids and I'm a little worried I won't be able to handle it. We'll see, I guess. I did ask if this would keep me out of the running for a more permanent position in the cafeterias (which would pay more than the bus monitor job) and she said it wouldn't.
    Are you gonna say yes to this position? It's great that they thought of you for it.

  16. #29476

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    I know how much everyone cares about my great shoe saga, but I ended up returning the ones I got yesterday and got some Dansko ones instead. Again, I'm not wild about them but I guess I am lucky to get any shoes that fit me at all because after my experience today and yesterday, I feel like I have gigantic yeti feet! Everything was too narrow and either my toe hangs off one side or the edge of my foot hangs off the other side. I feel as bad as I do when i shop for bathing suits!

    Here's the ones I got:
    41jTF8f4Z0L._SY395_.jpg
    http://www.amazon.com/Dansko-Womens-...=cm_cr_pr_pb_t

    I guess the good thing with these is that they don't have that sparkly thing in the middle like the last pair did. Plus they were $50 cheaper.


    Kate - that job sounds daunting to me. I don't know how well I would do against four unruly teenagers in an enclosed space like that. But I guess it is worth a try - might work out great!

    Bridget - I hope he calms down and doesn't ruin the trip. I'm glad you are going with or without him - the kids are going to have a great time visiting all their relatives.

    I'm tired. Up until about 1:30 from the block party. I'm feeling down and discouraged today, so maybe I will just lie down and read for a while. My mom has J for the afternoon and I have a ton of things to do, but I may take a vacation...
    Last edited by girlwonder; 03-15-2012 at 01:44 PM.

    "Any idiot can face a crisis; it is this day-to-day living that wears you out." -Anton Chekhov


  17. #29477
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    I think those are cute! I like them!

    Things are a little crazy, but I'm loving every minute of it My Blog


  18. #29478

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    They are growing on me. Okay, I want to know why they make shoes where the sole is visible with light colored suede soles!?! They are going to look so nasty and disgusting so quickly.

    "Any idiot can face a crisis; it is this day-to-day living that wears you out." -Anton Chekhov


  19. #29479
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    Quote Originally Posted by Smplyme89 View Post
    So I'm just copying and pasting this from Feb NET

    Ok... So DH was getting frisky last night (I know TMI).

    Me: Babe I'm starting to get a line on my OPK, we should probably hold off for a few days
    DH: So.
    Me: Um, do you remember what the OPKs mean?
    DH: Yeah, I thought we were going to have another baby.
    Me: Who decided what?????????

    Apparently we are going to have this conversation at another time, when all his blood isn't you know elsewhere.

    Last time we had the baby conversation he wasn't interested in having another for a loooong time. I think this man has officially lost his mind!!!
    That's how I got Sydney!!! Congratulations!!

    Quote Originally Posted by Suja View Post
    BTW, *I* don't think I'm a terrible singer, but in light of all the testimonials to the contrary, I'll have to conclude that's the case.
    I'm with you on this. I think I sound great...others, not so much. I still love to sing and do it frequently. In the car.



    Quote Originally Posted by Smplyme89 View Post
    Still quite a while. A year and a half I think. There is NO way we can throw another baby in the mix. I think that man has officially lost his mind!

    I do know that as Nolan gets older, DH gets more and more in his 'groove' as far as parenting goes. He's fantastic with the Toddler stage (whereas I prefer the infant stage) so I think that is making him want another.
    I had Conner in the middle of college. Just sayin.

    Mama to Bobbie 20 ~ Jesi 18 ~ Syd 14 ~ Conner 6
    I'm gonna be a Gramama! Jesi is due 11/22/13


  20. #29480

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    Quote Originally Posted by demigraf View Post
    Are you gonna say yes to this position? It's great that they thought of you for it.
    Yes, I did say yes. I start Monday. I'm a little nervous too. I think my MIL worked the same job for a while. I remember she was a bus monitor for a while and one of the drivers had the same name as one of the drivers I will have. She never said they got into fights or anything. I'm also worried because I will have to find alternate care for Josh sometimes. But I'm going to try it. I'm sort of at a point where I wouldn't say no to more money and new opportunities!

  21. #29481
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    Katy, I'm glad you found some comfy shoes. They are pretty! I can't imagine having to wear shoes all the time; I am a true hillbilly who only wears shoes when necessary!

    Bridget, I hope you have a great trip. Try not to let your dbf stress you out. Enjoy your time with your family!

    Myles, girl, you have been on some adventures in your life! You need to write a memoir; I'd buy it!

    I was going to say I guess that I've never been strereotyped, but I sure have when I think about it. As a southerner, when I went up to Michigan for my cousin's wedding, I had people say stuff to me like, "Wow, you're the cousin from Arkansas? I figured you'd be fat living on a farm and all." (I never lived on a farm-just out in the country!) And then I get the stereotypical stuff sometimes from British people about Americans being fat, not getting irony, being too patriotic, etc, etc. It's really weird being a foreigner but not standing out as a foreigner since I'm caucassian (is that how you spell that word? I don't think I've ever referred to myself as that before!) People think I'm 'one of them' until I open my mouth and the words come out.

  22. #29482
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    Since we were on the topic of stereotyping before I went to pick up the kidlet, this struck a chord. http://www.npr.org/programs/tell-me-more/ Look for the interview with Joan Chen. It's pretty interesting.

  23. #29483

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    Katy I also like those shoes! I think they are pretty cute and I hope if they fit you well they stay nice and pretty. They seem like they would go nice with a summer dress or just shorts or jeans, a good versatile summer shoe.

    Good luck on the job Kate. Maybe since there are only 4 kids they won't be too bad. Plus you know all kids have all sorts of electronic everything now-a-days anyway so hopefully they will be engrossed in technology too much to start mess on the bus and you can just have a relaxing ride.

    And WOW about the groping Suja! I think I shared before here on a plane when I was 18 a guy who was sitting next to me ran his hand between my legs and I punched him in the face and yelled at him on the plane. Luckily the flight took off after 10pm so there weren't many people on the plane to see me assault him.

    Ash, that is funny that Brits think Americans don't get irony. I never thought of that before but I guess a lot of people I know, don't get it. Also you remind me of a friend of mine from college, she is from London but black and transferred to my college when I was a sophomore. People were always shocked when she spoke because you usually don't meet black people with British accents here. She was a riot though and I lost track of her even though we used to hang out all the time. She cracked me up because she originally went to college in Miami, as her family was originally from Jamaica, her grandmother was, and she thought she would fit in better there since she heard that a lot of Jamaicans lived in Miami and NYC but she didn't want to go to NYC. She said she could not understand the way anyone spoke at all for the entire year she lived in Miami due to the anti-annunciation of black people she lived around in Miami. She heard of Atlanta while there and transfered to my college and even though I think native Atlantans do not annunciate very well either, she said they are miles above people from Miami and also my college was not primarily natives, I went to the largest HBCU in the country and most of us are from all over the country and the Caribbean so she could understand us better. She also was surprised that there were so many black people in America and just all types of people who are not white. Oddly enough, our classmates were shocked to hear there were quite a few black people in London as well from her.

    Erin

  24. #29484
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    Quote Originally Posted by missychrissy View Post
    That's how I got Sydney!!! Congratulations!!

    I had Conner in the middle of college. Just sayin.
    OK whose side are you on lady!!

    Things are a little crazy, but I'm loving every minute of it My Blog


  25. #29485
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    Quote Originally Posted by daylilies View Post
    Yes, I did say yes. I start Monday. I'm a little nervous too. I think my MIL worked the same job for a while. I remember she was a bus monitor for a while and one of the drivers had the same name as one of the drivers I will have. She never said they got into fights or anything. I'm also worried because I will have to find alternate care for Josh sometimes. But I'm going to try it. I'm sort of at a point where I wouldn't say no to more money and new opportunities!
    Congrats!!

    Quote Originally Posted by Smplyme89 View Post
    OK whose side are you on lady!!
    Hey, I just don't want you telling yourself you can't do it. If you choose not to, that's one thing. lol

    Mama to Bobbie 20 ~ Jesi 18 ~ Syd 14 ~ Conner 6
    I'm gonna be a Gramama! Jesi is due 11/22/13


  26. #29486
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    SCUBJIA!

    Had a decent day at work. 3 of my 4 scheduled appointments either cancelled 10 minutes before the meeting or just did not show up. So I got a chance to get caught up a little bit and that's a good thing since I've been writing reports due the next day for about two weeks (which means if I need a sick day I'm screwed because my work won't be done for the following day). I'm mostly done with Monday now. Since I have an RE appointment in the morning and an extra work appointment in the afternoon, I was worried I'd get really far behind.

    The weather right now is absolutely perfect - mid 80's and sunny, blue sky, no breeze, just everything that could be desired in a day. I'm sure all those people dumped their appointments because it was too nice a day.
    Me (40) DH (47) & furbabies * m/c 7/08 4/12 11/12

  27. #29487
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    Quote Originally Posted by missychrissy View Post



    Hey, I just don't want you telling yourself you can't do it. If you choose not to, that's one thing. lol
    Your right! It's such a conflicting topic for me. If we do it now, it adds to the craziness. If we wait, than I put my career on hold.

    Gotta love those life decisions.

    Things are a little crazy, but I'm loving every minute of it My Blog


  28. #29488

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    Yeah, I'm thinking after my day with 4 teenage boys, I won't feel so overwhelmed with my 5 year old boy. LOL

  29. #29489
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    There is no 'perfect time' in life, unfortunately. Things do have a way of working out, whichever way you choose to go. Even if you're asking yourself what you could possibly have been thinking while in the midst of the madness.

  30. #29490

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    I have found that whatever happens, it all works itself out somehow, Christine.

    Tonight when I settled in with Savana and Kai to read our chapter from The Lion, The Witch and the Wardrobe, Savana started chatting with me about the kids on her school bus. She had to make a leprechaun trap for her homework and her bait was a golden bell from our craft box and she said when she got on the bus is was jingling and some of the kids wanted to know what that stupid noise was. She said she didn't want them to know it was her so she tried to sneak it in her bag but they saw and then they were whispering about her and she felt sad the whole way to school. THEN she goes on to tell me that it's funny because the kids at school don't seem to think that "stupid" is a bad word. (I discourage it here.) Oh and then she'd like to know what the word "b!tch means. And why do kids say f*ck? Oh, and mom, turns out shut up isn't really bad either because it's everyone's favorite thing to say on the bus and the bus driver doesn't mind.
    This must be that socialization she was missing out on while we were homeschooling.

    Actually I am most bothered by the fact that she felt sad and uncomfortable the whole way to school with her leprechaun trap because she was very, very excited about it and squashed enthusiasm breaks me heart. I told her how my mom used to tell me, "stick and stones will break my bones but names will never hurt me" and then all three of us laughed and said how very untrue that was. I was touched that both her and Kai looked at me like that was the weirdest thing to say. I did try to explain that even though swear words make people very uncomfortable, angry, sad that they really are just words and can't hurt us if we don't let them.
    I know the bus driver has enough to deal with just keeping the bus on the road. My mom was a school bus driver so I know all about the stress of it and the fact that they really have no idea what is going on behind them. I'd rather she didn't ride anymore though. I'm going to see if dbf will drive her. It's only about a mile from our house but the bus ride is nearly 40 minutes.

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