Secular Confessions

[Gwenn]

Chrissy, I am so sorry. How tragic.

Mandy, how would you correct/model pronouns in this situation?

Baby S. has been saying things like this:

"WAH! My am crying." I tell him I am sorry he's sad, and then add, "You should say it like this: "I am crying." He looks at me all confused for a minute, and then shakes his head and says, "No, no Mommy. MY am crying. Not Mommy crying. MY am crying."

Or he says, "My am cold." So I say, "Are you cold? I am cold, too. I am very cold." He nods and says, "Yup. My am cold. My want jacket."

I just don't know how to do it better. DH says that he's smart and he'll figure it out soon enough without us bending over backwards trying to model pronouns, but if anyone knows the best technique to teach this, you will. I read one of the powerpoint presentations about the correct way to model, but it's really hard with pronouns.

It's funny, there was a study done once with toddlers/preschoolers looking at how they responded to parent correction as you described above. Universally, they ignored the corrections. When they were developmentally ready, they started using the correct forms on their own (typically developing kids, of course). So that's why I'm a big fan of the modeling strategies in those power points. It gives you as a parent a way to provide good feedback without the irritation of being ignored.

Really your DH is right here. He's got a very long time before anyone is going to worry about his pronouns. But modeling doesn't hurt. Just don't get frustrated if he doesn't correct himself. He'll get it.

[MashedUp]

Chrissy, I'm so sorry about your loss. The poor kids

I think NYC is about 5-6 hours from here. I'm not sure, I've only flown there and never spent any time there although I would like to.

Bridget, I'm sorry DBF is being such a difficult patient. You need your rest too!

We took DD to see the Lorax yesterday for her first movie in the theater. It was a fantastic movie and she loved it.

[AmeriBrit]

I'm so sorry for your loss, Chrissy. I'm sure the kids know that you're there for them if they need you. (hugs)

Lisa, that looks like such a cool movie; I want to get the book to read to Travis so that he can watch the movie as well. The first movie he ever saw was Cars 2 last year when he had just turned 3.

I am so annoyed at my sister. I don't know if I told y'all but I finally started talking to her again after a year of not speaking. I thought I'd be the bigger person as usual. I've been very reserved with her, though, and haven't been too full on or anything. Any how, a few weeks ago, I asked her if she wanted to skype to see the kids and she agreed, so we set up a time. She never even logged on while we waited and waited. The next day, she e-mailed that her MIL had been there and she'd been too busy. So, I figured I'd never bring up the skype subject again but last week, she e-mailed and said she'd talk to us on skype on Sunday at 12. Well, we logged on and she didn't show again. That was after rushing our supper so that we could log on in time. Later that night, she logged on and said she'd got up late and had to clean house, so she'd not had time to log on. She was all, "Oh, we'll talk next week I promise." Travis was heartbroken. I don't know why, but I'd told him he could see his auntie and cousins and show them his glasses, so he was so excited and I had to lie and tell him that her computer had broken so he wouldn't be able to see them. I won't be rushing to log on anymore to talk to her. She can chase after me if she wants to skype. It's times like these I realize how drama-free my life was when we weren't talking!

[daylilies]

I totally understand, Katy! I used to think it was so rude when a little kid was talking and their parent was just ignoring them...but now I understand you kind of have to sometimes or you'll go crazy. Josh also talks incessantly.

[daylilies]

We saw The Lorax too. I thought it was good but not great. Josh really liked it though-he usually has to go pee at least once or twice at the movies and he didn't at all this time.
I'm sorry your sister is being that way, Ash.

[missychrissy]

Poor Travis. That makes me mad for his sake. What kind of person is she? grrr.

My poor nephew (Brandon, 15) went to school. I hate that he feels like he has to act so strong. I'm worried about him.

[Ky'sMom]

Chrissy I am so sorry for your loss, especially for your SIL and the kids. That is just so tragic. Since they are older, I hope they won't see your support as hypocritical. Everyone has their demons and the good and bad of their lives. I am so sorry their dad couldn't beat drugs, addiction is so hard and hopefully the kids can know that while he was under the influence, he wasn't really the same person and that the guy you remember, and that hopefully they remember when he was sober was who he actually was.

So sorry about your sister flaking out on your Ashley. My family does things like that ALL THE TIME! It drives me insane. They even used to do it when I was younger. I remember when I was 6 and my aunt who lives here in Atlanta called me and told me she was going to take me to the skating rink one afternoon. My mom gave me a bath and I put on my favorite outfit and Mom did my favorite hair style - two french braids with bows at the ends. I sat and waiting for 1pm and then she called at 12:58 (I remember the time because I was watching the clock) and said she didn't feel like going. I was so devastated and I remember holding back tears. After that I never expected anyone to do anything they said they were going to do, except my grandmother, she was the only reliable person in my life who always did what she said she was going to do when she said she was going to do it.

I am so upset for Travis at your sister. That was so selfish of her. All she had to do was log on a computer.

My aunt is always telling Ky stuff she is going to do too and sometimes, I'd say 20% of the time, she cancels on him. So now I don't tell him if she says she is going to do something. I have also told him that she is flaky and not to believe that she will do it until it actually happens. She made him burst into tears a few times, he is sensitive, and it upsets me just to think about it.

Erin

[missychrissy]

Chrissy I am so sorry for your loss, especially for your SIL and the kids. That is just so tragic. Since they are older, I hope they won't see your support as hypocritical. Everyone has their demons and the good and bad of their lives. I am so sorry their dad couldn't beat drugs, addiction is so hard and hopefully the kids can know that while he was under the influence, he wasn't really the same person and that the guy you remember, and that hopefully they remember when he was sober was who he actually was.

Erin

We were talking about that last night. Jay brought the kids over at 10:30 and stayed till nearly midnight. We shared some laughs about some of the funny things we did and what their dad said. They do know that the drugs made him act different. I think that's what hurts the most, and what Jamie keeps saying over and over...now there's no hope. They all had hoped that he'd come around again.

[Suja]

We went couch shopping yesterday, and finally agreed on something! It's not the look or the exact color I wanted (I prefer un-fussy, and a brown with less reds in it), but OMG, comfy! We're getting an Ashley leather reclining sofa and matching loveseat (which also has cup holders in the middle and act as rockers too).

I have to say though that I wanted to kick DH in his nuts. On our way back, he was telling me that he didn't like how DD was behaving. She was being loud, and was asking for food. That's it. She was otherwise waving to people and shaking hands and smiling, and feeling different textures on the rugs, and figuring out how the hanging rugs moved and stuff. I think he wanted her to act like a miniature adult, yet he not only does nothing to discipline her, he often sabotages me when I do. I'm willing to bet she wouldn't even have squealed except for the fact that she was hungry. Now, he has decided that he will discipline her, which involves telling her she can't say 'NO' to him, and that it makes him angry. WTF? She's TWO. It's her job to say 'NO'.

Anyway, after we got home, I took off my shoes, and she goes 'Paru put mama's shoes away', and then proceeded to do just that. Sometimes, I don't know who this kid is.

[raspberry]

Chrissy, I am so sorry. Those poor kids

Katy and L, your kids are so cute.

We were home sick this weekend, G caught my cold. It's just a runny nose, so hopefully it will be gone soon. I understand about the kid talking non-stop. Gilly talks.all.the.time. And to think he was a late talker. Some nights, after no break, I am so ready for his bedtime. Then after he's in bed, I miss him. crazy.

Suja, sometimes my dh drives me crazy with his expectations of Gilly. When I will remind dh that G is 3.5, he will say oh he's smart don't use that as an excuse. It's not an excuse, he's not a little adult, he's a child. My dh has volunteered his time with teenagers a lot, so he will remind me that G will be a handful when he's a teenager if we are too soft on him. I just have to remind him that yes every stage will have it's own challenges.

[Ky'sMom]

Elle also is a non-stop talker. I always joke with people that I love little kids and babies (and I do) and I like staying up all night with babies especially because they don't talk LOL! Once my kids start talking a lot I make them go to bed at 7:30 - 8pm every day because all the chatter just drives me crazy even though most of the time with Elle, she is just a hoot and cracks me up. But I am an introvert, which many don't believe who know me IRL since I talk a lot myself, if you can't tell from all the freaking paragraphs I type, but after a while, I just need silence. I also cannot take a lot of talking or loud noises in the car at all. Elle is always trying to talk to me in the car and I feel so bad because I tell her to be quiet. I need silence when I'm driving and don't feel like listening to her talk about "booties," meaning butts all the time, some of the time, yeah, but not while I'm driving.

Erin

[Suja]

Heh. Have I mentioned that this kid talks even in her sleep? She's a lot like me that way. I started talking at 9 months, and haven't shut up yet. My mom was saying that I'd sit on the countertop next to where she was cooking after returning from school, and quite literally tell her *everything* that happened that day. She would offer me money to stop talking (I'll give you ten bucks if you'll be quiet for 10 minutes), but that didn't work either.

Been meaning to ask you for the longest time, Erin. How do you pronounce Elle? Like 'L', or like 'L-E'? Kidlet likes looking at all the kid pictures when I'm on the fo and ask me 'Who's that?' all the time, and I don't want to mispronounce. She used to love that Joshua picture (I think it was him) with the ballons over his head.

[daylilies]

Haha! Glad she likes the balloon picture!
Erin, I don't like it when people talk to me when I'm driving either. It's funny because he won't tell me what happens at school ("I don't remember") but he'll talk on and on about how he thinks things work, plans he wants to make, what he wants to be when he grows up, etc.

Chrissy, I told Josh he might be meeting a new friend in NYC and he wanted to know all about him. We're going to look through your facebook for pictures of Conner when he gets home from school.

So DH tells me dogs won't pee in their crate but apparently Bo doesn't mind. I got home from dropping off Josh at school and he had peed in his crate which is weird because I took him out before we left. He didn't go, but he doesn't usually pee much during the day. We have not gotten the hang of when he has to pee and poop. He doesn't alert us by whimpering or going to the door or anything. He just goes all over the floor. He also doesn't really have a favorite spot to go outside. He usually goes on the leaf pile in back of the garage, but sometimes not.

[Suja]

Usually, it's dogs that are used to having to live in their own filth that don't mind soiling their crate. But, if he hasn't had accidents in his crate before, and starts having them (you need to clean with a good enzymatic cleanser), he might have a UTI. A lot of dogs also don't have obvious signs to tell you that they need to go, so you may have to give him one and train him to it. Like hanging bells on the door knob and having him ring it (either with paw or nose) before he goes outside.

[MashedUp]

Like hanging bells on the door knob and having him ring it (either with paw or nose) before he goes outside.

I thought this was a great idea when we got our dog, so I bought a bell. She was scared.to.death of the darn thing. When I rang (rung?) it, she would put her tail between her legs and hide. And forget about getting it near her. LOL. But, it turned out that she just got on a schedule really quick and never once had an accident in the house.

[missychrissy]

Chrissy, I told Josh he might be meeting a new friend in NYC and he wanted to know all about him. We're going to look through your facebook for pictures of Conner when he gets home from school.

I told Conner about Josh too. I'll show him pics tonight! What a great idea!!

[Cosmosmom]

Hugs Chrissy.

Yeah Suja for the new couch! Thank god my DH and I usually have similar taste because we decorate every little thing together...I mean down to every single knick nack. We wander around furniture stores every few months just looking and getting ideas way in advance.
I so want a new couch and lazy boy but there is the whole saving money for the adoption thing. Oh well good thing my couch was older since Poogie put a hole in it up underneath.

Kate, sounds like Bo might not be really totally potty trained. It is true that dogs don't like to soil their beds BUT if they really gotta go, they will. I would almost pretend like he's a puppy and you need to potty train him. Take him outside ALL the time. Every hour you are home. Preferably on a leash and no playing until he's gone potty. Soon as he goes, praise him, throw a party, tell him good boy, good potty and give him a treat. This way you can train him to a certain area if you want. Don't rush into the house most of the time either or he will not want to potty but stall so he can stay outside. Don't yell at him if he has an accident or rub his nose in it. Only correct if you catch him in the act with a Bo NO and bring him to the potty area and tell him go potty and if he does, than give praise.

I have no advice on teaching him to ask to go out....I can just usually tell when Cosmo wants to go out and if I don't see her asking, she will go use her litter box but even than she likes to let us know so she gets her treat. And I still take Poogie to the box and tell her to go potty (I also throw in a hand signal I use for that along with the verbal) if it's been a while or I think she might need to go. She does better when I follow her in the laundry room...when I don't, she often forgets to put her back legs in the box and I have a little puddle to clean up.

And in my house at least, a good potty gets you a treat. So I buy really small treats like mini sized milkbones or zukes because Cosmo now thinks she gets a treat for when Poogie goes potty.....


Good news....seeing a huge improvement in Cosmo's eyes. Poor thing, I didn't realize that they were THAT swollen when feeling around her eyelid and such. It was just such a slow thing and I kept being told it was nothing that I didn't remember it wasn't always like that. That must have been uncomfortable and I feel guilty that I didn't trust my gut and try a different vet office sooner (I did try different vets in the same office).

[daylilies]

Chrissy-we found some really old photos of Conner! LOL
Josh liked the ones of him with the hammer and tape measure.
Josh is going to be jealous he lost a tooth already!
We're trying to schedule our trip around an afternoon show of the Spiderman musical. I already tried for one set of tickets on a Wednesday and they weren't available. We're trying to get the cheapest seats (balcony) You have to select the tickets and then they e mail you the next day and tell you if they're available, so it's sort of a process.
DH thinks the museum is a great idea-it was actually already on his list of things to do. We were also planning on going to the Statue of Liberty and the Empire State Building. And there's an antique/collector's items shop that's the location of the show called Oddities I want to hit up if it's near where we're staying.

[daylilies]

Thanks for the help Jennifer!

[AmeriBrit]

If you go to the Statue of Liberty, Kate, make sure to go to Ellis Island. I absolutely loved it there! I wish I could meet up with y'all, too. Someone should do a European trip!

[Cosmosmom]

LOL Potty training is a very recent memory for me! I had forgotten so much since it had been so long with Cosmo. Still a bit of a work in progress...though I considered both girls basically trained within two weeks. Mostly because I was going over there with them pretty much every 30 minutes when not in the kennel, before going in, first thing when coming out, after eating, after sleeping, after playing. I'm so grateful it was just to the laundry room litter box and not outside in WI winter! This spring/summer we will work teaching the little one to go outside as well. Cosmo does both, mostly outside but the other day it was freezing rain/sleeting and she went out, gave me a dirty look and ran back inside and used teh box. LOL

[Suja]

We're trying to schedule our trip around an afternoon show of the Spiderman musical. I already tried for one set of tickets on a Wednesday and they weren't available. We're trying to get the cheapest seats (balcony) You have to select the tickets and then they e mail you the next day and tell you if they're available, so it's sort of a process.
DH thinks the museum is a great idea-it was actually already on his list of things to do. We were also planning on going to the Statue of Liberty and the Empire State Building. And there's an antique/collector's items shop that's the location of the show called Oddities I want to hit up if it's near where we're staying.

I don't know how many days you're planning to be there, but The Bronx Zoo is AMAZING! It takes a day if you want to really explore, but in half a day, you can fit a lot in. It was one of my favorite places to take people back when I used to play tourguide. Also, if DH/Josh are into that sort of thing - The Intrepid is very interesting. I don't know what's playing there anymore, but sometimes, off-broadway offers really good bang for the buck. And if you're into cathedrals and such, St. John the Divine on the upper West side is gorgeous.

[missychrissy]

Shoot Kate, I remember seeing your question about what movie I was referring to and I can't remember if I responded or not. I have a headache and I'm too stressed to go back and see if I did or not, so just in case I didn't the movie I was talking about was Night at the Museum. The background for the movie is the museum I suggested we visit. It's really a nice place. I think our boys will appreciate it, and I know my girls will. We'll probably like it too.

Oh, and I have a lunch date with Emily "Midge" tomorrow.

[daylilies]

We went to the Bronx zoo last time we went to NYC so I think we're going to skip it this time.

Chrissy, I had a feeling that was the movie you mean. I'll look into it. I'll also check out The Intrepid. I think DH wants to go there. I wanted to take Josh to the Spiderman musical but it's too expensive.
Have fun with "Midge" tomorrow" (gah, I tried to type that twice and typed 'midget' both times. And I don't think I type "midget" all that much)

[Gwenn]

everyone. CD1 today and we have to decide if we are doing another IUI this month. I want to, but we put out a lot of money on the cat (still need to pay more to the vet) and also, I've been very upset and not sleeping well. I know stress can make TTC even more difficult and I'm wondering if the stress from the cat will make the IUI less likely to work out. But I don't really want to sit another month out. We'll see... This weekend was AWFUL for me emotionally. When AF came today, it was actually a relief.

[missychrissy]

What a difficult decision Mandy. It sounds like you're leaning toward skipping a month (?) I don't envy you trying to navigate through this.

[Bridget]

Mandy.

Ah, Chrissy! I would love to meet both you and Midge so I'm equally envious of both of you.
Have we heard from Myles? Hopefully today was a totally uneventful vacation day.
Sawyer is feeling much better today but now Kai is coughing. Such a bummer! I was hoping we'd all escape the illness. I wonder if Savana will be next.
Dbf is still driving me crazy insisting on being in the living room. And now he thinks I'm being mean to suggest otherwise as if I am banning him to the cellar or something. Luckily he is feeling better too with less pain so not taking so many painkillers.

I didn't shovel my driveway this weekend. I mean, we have a carport so it's only the end of the driveway that gets snow but the plow comes through and makes a little mound at the end of each driveway. I did take the kids to goodwill so i just gunned it in reverse and the minivan hopped on over. I should have shoveled but I cannot imagine a time when that would have been possible. Dbf can't take care of Sawyer at all right now since he can't pick him up and can't get bumped wrong and Sawyer spent the entire weekend coughing and clinging to me wiping his snot all over me. When my daycare families dropped off this morning I apologized profusely that the end of the drive wasn't shoveled and they just laughed and said no problem. Well, the mom of three boys walked in the door like 30 minutes after she had said she'd be there and she had been doing a presentation to the rotary club on fitness. When she came in I said, "Did they bombard you with questions and stories?" because she always tells me how the old ladies she personal trains for always run over the time because they want to chat.
But no, she said, "I shoveled your driveway!"
Can you believe how kind that was? I do sort of feel like a jackass for not having done it myself but the fact that she did it really has made me feel happy all day.

[missychrissy]

How awesomely sweet of her!!! We're 'bad' about almost never shoveling our driveway. If the mound at the end gets bad we'll do that, but even my little front wheel drive cars walk right through some deep snow pretty good. It has to be well over ankle deep before I think it's necessary, and then it's mostly to keep it off our shoes!

I know I don't know your dbf, but it doesn't surprise me he's being stubborn and difficult through this. at him

Midge & I will sit in all our awesomeness and think of you. j/k. I've met her once and she's just as cute and sweet as she appears to be online. It was too funny how we met. I was going to Planned Parenthood of all places and she recognized me outside.

[Gwenn]

That is so sweet, Bridget!

[daylilies]

LOL Chrissy! That's cute how you met Midge.

That's very sweet Bridget!

We've only gotten enough snow to shovel once this winter. DH did it. If DH is at work and it's snowing I don't mind keeping up with it during the day but I can't shovel snow after a lot has fallen because of my back.