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Thread: Secular Confessions

  1. #26341
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    I really struggle the fact that I supplied my girls with computers (they each have their own), internet access, cable tv in their bedroom and cell phones with data plans and unlimited texting, yet they can still complain about what they don't have. I go without a lot so that I can buy those things, and more, and sometimes they make me feel like I don't do enough.

    I know they don't mean it, but in the emotional state I've been in, it's been nearly unbearable sometimes.

    Mama to Bobbie 20 ~ Jesi 18 ~ Syd 14 ~ Conner 6
    I'm gonna be a Gramama! Jesi is due 11/22/13


  2. #26342

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    What else do they want?
    I have to admit, I've pulled the "When *I* was a kid, we didn't have internet/cartoons on tv 24 hours a day/xbox/etc. etc." old fogey lines.

  3. #26343
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    Quote Originally Posted by daylilies View Post
    What else do they want?
    I have to admit, I've pulled the "When *I* was a kid, we didn't have internet/cartoons on tv 24 hours a day/xbox/etc. etc." old fogey lines.
    That reminds me, they also have a Wii.

    I can't remember now; it's always something different. Telling them what we didn't have when we were growing up only makes them sigh and roll their eyes.

    Mama to Bobbie 20 ~ Jesi 18 ~ Syd 14 ~ Conner 6
    I'm gonna be a Gramama! Jesi is due 11/22/13


  4. #26344

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    Chrissy, that would make me so mad. Probably not the right reaction, but I know that will be my hot button as Abbey gets older, if/when she doesn't appreciate what she has. I'll end up being the mom who takes it away if it's not appreciated.


    My big fail of the night: I tried to make Pad Thai and got super sick when I smelled the fish sauce cooking, so I threw it all out. Now DH is out (happily) picking up fast food.



    lost our bean to Triploidy Sep 2010

  5. #26345

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    I'm sorry you got sick

    DH just brought home elf on the shelf. He was all excited and I kind of rolled my eyes when he told me, because I was just thinking the concept is kind of creepy. But DH was really excited and Josh seems to like it so we'll give it a try. He says there's a bit in the book about saying your prayers (DH read him the book tonight).

  6. #26346
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    Guess whose on the umployment line??

    My DH. 3 weeks before freaking Christmas

    Why does this always happen to us?? As of the first of the year we were going to be completely assistance free!!!! And than this

    I feel like were hamsters stuck in one of those **** spinning wheels never getting anywhere

    Pity party over

    Things are a little crazy, but I'm loving every minute of it My Blog


  7. #26347
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    Quote Originally Posted by Smplyme89 View Post
    Guess whose on the umployment line??

    My DH. 3 weeks before freaking Christmas

    Why does this always happen to us?? As of the first of the year we were going to be completely assistance free!!!! And than this

    I feel like were hamsters stuck in one of those **** spinning wheels never getting anywhere

    Pity party over
    GREAT BIG Oh goodness I'm so sorry. I know full well the devastation of losing a job immediately before Christmas. There's hardly much worse.

    I do hope that something better comes along, and really fast too.

    Mama to Bobbie 20 ~ Jesi 18 ~ Syd 14 ~ Conner 6
    I'm gonna be a Gramama! Jesi is due 11/22/13


  8. #26348

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    Oh no, that's awful. What did he do for a living?

  9. #26349
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    Quote Originally Posted by missychrissy View Post
    GREAT BIG Oh goodness I'm so sorry. I know full well the devastation of losing a job immediately before Christmas. There's hardly much worse.

    I do hope that something better comes along, and really fast too.
    Thanks. I'm just feeling really angry right now and having a hard time keeping an objective outlook... Because ultimately I know how this works,this is not the first time... It's um.... the 6th I feel so bad for him, he tries so hard....

    Quote Originally Posted by daylilies View Post
    Oh no, that's awful. What did he do for a living?
    Billboard Maintenance Tech... D*mn this hurricane free year

    Things are a little crazy, but I'm loving every minute of it My Blog


  10. #26350

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    I hope he can find something else soon

  11. #26351
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    Quote Originally Posted by daylilies View Post
    I hope he can find something else soon
    Me too thanks!

    Things are a little crazy, but I'm loving every minute of it My Blog


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    Rich was frequently laid off in our early years. Man was that ever hard. That's one of our disagreements now, in fact. He's working in a field where he could make significantly more because he is skilled in a lot of things, but where he works now has never had to do a layoff. He says he was laid off enough for an entire lifetime and he's content to stay where he's at. What he makes is ridiculously low.

    Mama to Bobbie 20 ~ Jesi 18 ~ Syd 14 ~ Conner 6
    I'm gonna be a Gramama! Jesi is due 11/22/13


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    Quote Originally Posted by missychrissy View Post
    Rich was frequently laid off in our early years. Man was that ever hard. That's one of our disagreements now, in fact. He's working in a field where he could make significantly more because he is skilled in a lot of things, but where he works now has never had to do a layoff. He says he was laid off enough for an entire lifetime and he's content to stay where he's at. What he makes is ridiculously low.
    I guess I can understand where he's coming from in that regard. I've been saying for years I just want him to have a steady paycheck coming in. This gets tiring.

    Things are a little crazy, but I'm loving every minute of it My Blog


  14. #26354
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    I do get it, but there are so many other jobs he can do that pay so much. Not to mention I went to school and did what I could to better our finances. I wish he'd show that kind of initiative too. He could pick a field with a lower likelihood of being laid off.

    Mama to Bobbie 20 ~ Jesi 18 ~ Syd 14 ~ Conner 6
    I'm gonna be a Gramama! Jesi is due 11/22/13


  15. #26355

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    Quote Originally Posted by AbbeysMom View Post
    Chrissy, that would make me so mad. Probably not the right reaction, but I know that will be my hot button as Abbey gets older, if/when she doesn't appreciate what she has. I'll end up being the mom who takes it away if it's not appreciated.


    My big fail of the night: I tried to make Pad Thai and got super sick when I smelled the fish sauce cooking, so I threw it all out. Now DH is out (happily) picking up fast food.
    I am that mom . This is the area where DH thinks I'm too tough. Currently though he thinks I'm too soft, but whatever.

    I have and still sometimes do feel that I am just doing things for people who don't give a crap anyway. It is the main reason why I will just take a break from doing what I do. Right now I have. My house is a wreck. I have been ill with bronchitis for going on a month now. I need to go to the doctor and will go on Monday to see if I am getting pneumonia or already have it but even during the times where I am coughing up a lung and cannot sleep, which has been all week, no one steps up to do the things that I just do automatically (and which are on our schedule) even though I am sick and cannot do it.

    But I do take away things. I have taken away most of Ky's things. Right now all he has is a desk and a bed and some books. He wants his toys and little gadgets back. He has an MP3 player my mom gave him and some other little games some relatives gave him that I have taken because he has been slacking on his chores and homework. I took away his bed once when he was 4 because he was totally flipping out about going to bed and how much he hated his new bed and hated me. I just told him I loved him but it was too bad I spent so much on his new bed, maybe I should take it since he hated it so much. And I did and made him sleep on the floor until he asked for the bed back. After that he didn't flip out about going to bed anymore. DH said that was really cruel. He slept on the floor for about 5 days after he apologized. But really I was totally stressed out trying not to go crazy. I felt I was being pulled in 20 directions back then. I felt really bad about it but honestly I was happy he stopped tantruming about going to bed after that.

    Quote Originally Posted by Smplyme89 View Post
    Guess whose on the umployment line??

    My DH. 3 weeks before freaking Christmas

    Why does this always happen to us?? As of the first of the year we were going to be completely assistance free!!!! And than this

    I feel like were hamsters stuck in one of those **** spinning wheels never getting anywhere

    Pity party over
    So sorry!!! I know how you feel. My DH and I had year after year of losing jobs and no money especially during the holiday season and you have all these plans then it is like F**K!!!

    Actually my DH has spent about $800 this past month between all his firefighting meetings in Chicago and his brother's wedding. He has to go to Chicago again on Wednesday next week as he passed all the test and checks. He thinks they're going to hire him then but it is really p*ssing me off him spending all of this money. I wanted to do all my Christmas shopping this weekend but now I don't have any spending money because of this upcoming trip and his traffic ticket he got while riding his freaking bike. I was thinking this year that I will resign myself to the fact that I will probably never do what I plan to do for holidays.

    Wish you guys were close though. We have some openings at my company, I would try to get him on and we pay really good. We had to fire 3 guys in the past 2 days because they don't want to work. They are maintenance for apartment buildings and honestly I feel they are overpaid. Our wages are mandated by government policy and most of our maintenance guys start at least $40K per year, which is good money in most places and one can live comfortable here on that salary if they live within their means. I just don't understand people not doing a good job with the unemployment rate the way it is.

    Erin

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    Quote Originally Posted by Ky'sMom View Post
    So sorry!!! I know how you feel. My DH and I had year after year of losing jobs and no money especially during the holiday season and you have all these plans then it is like F**K!!!

    Actually my DH has spent about $800 this past month between all his firefighting meetings in Chicago and his brother's wedding. He has to go to Chicago again on Wednesday next week as he passed all the test and checks. He thinks they're going to hire him then but it is really p*ssing me off him spending all of this money. I wanted to do all my Christmas shopping this weekend but now I don't have any spending money because of this upcoming trip and his traffic ticket he got while riding his freaking bike. I was thinking this year that I will resign myself to the fact that I will probably never do what I plan to do for holidays.

    Wish you guys were close though. We have some openings at my company, I would try to get him on and we pay really good. We had to fire 3 guys in the past 2 days because they don't want to work. They are maintenance for apartment buildings and honestly I feel they are overpaid. Our wages are mandated by government policy and most of our maintenance guys start at least $40K per year, which is good money in most places and one can live comfortable here on that salary if they live within their means. I just don't understand people not doing a good job with the unemployment rate the way it is.

    Erin
    Wow if DH got a job making that much he would clean the boss' shoes! For real!

    I just keep telling myself, we know how this works, we've been here before. We CAN make it through this.... again

    Things are a little crazy, but I'm loving every minute of it My Blog


  17. #26357
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    Quote Originally Posted by Ky'sMom View Post
    Our wages are mandated by government policy and most of our maintenance guys start at least $40K per year, which is good money in most places and one can live comfortable here on that salary if they live within their means. I just don't understand people not doing a good job with the unemployment rate the way it is.

    Erin
    Cripes, that's more than my dh makes after 9 years of where he is now. Ugh. He really needs to listen to me and take a look around at what's out there. He has heavy machinery experience, bobcat experience, welding...and I really don't know what all.

    Mama to Bobbie 20 ~ Jesi 18 ~ Syd 14 ~ Conner 6
    I'm gonna be a Gramama! Jesi is due 11/22/13


  18. #26358
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    Christina, I'm so sorry. DH and I have been through a lot with him unemployed so I totally get it. Hang in there.
    Me (39) DH (46) & furbabies * m/c 7/08 4/12 11/12

  19. #26359
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    And Erin, that's insane! I know college professors who make less than that!
    Me (39) DH (46) & furbabies * m/c 7/08 4/12 11/12

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    Quote Originally Posted by Gwenn View Post
    And Erin, that's insane! I know college professors who make less than that!
    Professors? Or lecturers? I know I make more than some lecturers, but I don't think I make more than any professor...at least not at Cornell.

    Mama to Bobbie 20 ~ Jesi 18 ~ Syd 14 ~ Conner 6
    I'm gonna be a Gramama! Jesi is due 11/22/13


  21. #26361

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    At first DH was the one who was unemployed... I was in college and he was not working. Then he got the job at Comcast, I had graduated culinary school and never found anything I liked to do for work, so I was in and out of jobs I didn't really like, until I quit my most recent one a couple years ago.

  22. #26362

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    Quote Originally Posted by Smplyme89 View Post
    Guess whose on the umployment line??

    My DH. 3 weeks before freaking Christmas

    Why does this always happen to us?? As of the first of the year we were going to be completely assistance free!!!! And than this

    I feel like were hamsters stuck in one of those **** spinning wheels never getting anywhere

    Pity party over
    I'm sorry. Hoping that he finds something quickly thats a good fit.



    lost our bean to Triploidy Sep 2010

  23. #26363
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    Quote Originally Posted by missychrissy View Post
    Professors? Or lecturers? I know I make more than some lecturers, but I don't think I make more than any professor...at least not at Cornell.
    Okay, lecturers. You're right.
    Me (39) DH (46) & furbabies * m/c 7/08 4/12 11/12

  24. #26364

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    Quote Originally Posted by Bridget View Post
    But I really do crave adult conversation sometimes.
    Well you won't find any in here!

    Quote Originally Posted by Gwenn View Post

    DH and I love to laugh at the Black Sabbath song that goes

    Generals gathered their masses
    Just like witches at black masses

    We can't decide if it's brilliance or sheer laziness to rhyme homonyms.
    I love War Pigs!! But I realize now that line always sort of bugged me, like the way you get the shivers when your teeth run over a metal spoon.

    The song lyrics that drive me the most come from The Beastie Boys' "Pass the Mic":

    "Everybody's rappin' like it's a commercial/ Actin' like life is a big commercial" which I just learned was supposed to be "rehearsal" instead, but got left in as a joke at Mike D's expense. Guess it was supposed to be an outtake that made it into the album. I did not know that! Thank you, Google.

    Quote Originally Posted by AbbeysMom View Post
    My big fail of the night: I tried to make Pad Thai and got super sick when I smelled the fish sauce cooking, so I threw it all out. Now DH is out (happily) picking up fast food.
    I'm sorry you had a case of the pukes. I hope your dinner turned out yummy.

    Quote Originally Posted by Smplyme89 View Post
    Guess whose on the umployment line??
    My DH. 3 weeks before freaking Christmas
    I'm so sorry, C! That's terrible news. You know, it always feels like you're on a hamster wheel going in circles, but in my ripe old age, I've found you're still growing in little increments with every little life change. I know that doesn't sound very encouraging right now, but with every setback like this, you're arming yourself for more battles like it, and getting stronger in the process.

    Quote Originally Posted by Ky'sMom View Post
    I have and still sometimes do feel that I am just doing things for people who don't give a crap anyway. It is the main reason why I will just take a break from doing what I do. Right now I have. My house is a wreck. I have been ill with bronchitis for going on a month now. I need to go to the doctor and will go on Monday to see if I am getting pneumonia or already have it but even during the times where I am coughing up a lung and cannot sleep, which has been all week, no one steps up to do the things that I just do automatically (and which are on our schedule) even though I am sick and cannot do it.
    That sounds so rough, Erin. I am so sorry. I wish you could get some help around the house. Is there a mature kid or something who could take some of the burden off your hands for several dollars an hour? It may not be something you want to do on a long term basis, but it sure does feel good to catch up. (Tangent alert) I once found a girl on Craigslist who helped me put away my entire just-laundered wardrobe after my house got fumigated. (Told ya ladies I have too many clothes). I think if I'd gradually done it myself, it would have taken up all my spare time during the work week or a whole weekend day, so to me she was worth it.

    Chrissy, I say this all the time, but you're such a good mommy. And your girls are too bright to not appreciate you. If they don't today, I don't doubt they will. That is all.

  25. #26365

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    Quote Originally Posted by missychrissy View Post
    Cripes, that's more than my dh makes after 9 years of where he is now. Ugh. He really needs to listen to me and take a look around at what's out there. He has heavy machinery experience, bobcat experience, welding...and I really don't know what all.
    If he got with a company that does government contracts he can make WAY more than 40K per year. I primarily started out in my position auditing payrolls of our construction projects, the heavy machinery guys made about $30 per hour. This varies by state but I know in NY state it is higher than it is here. He should really shop himself around. I know people like to complain a lot about "The Stimulus" that was passed saying that it did not do anything but our company spent over 10 million dollars of the stimulus renovating buildings for 2 years. We used a lot of local big companies, small companies, women owned companies, you name it. We had at least 200 contractors for ever facet of renovation. Most of the workers weren't even in a union or anything it's just that companies who do work with government money HAVE to pay their workers "Davis Bacon" wages, which is a federal law from the 1930s. New wages are bargained by the unions but really it gives everyone who works on these jobs really good pay. Even if your DH just did some work PT for some of these companies he could probably make quite a bit of change.

    He should really check around to see if there are any government projects going on (they usually are with large to mid-sized companies not the actual government) who are remodeling all of the damaged buildings due to the flooding that your area endured. I work in housing and I know that HUD will give money to renovate public housing buildings in those sorts of disasters as well as the local governments rebuilding roads and bridges and such. He should really look into it even if just for PT work. All those projects would have Davis Bacon requirements.

    Quote Originally Posted by demigraf View Post
    That sounds so rough, Erin. I am so sorry. I wish you could get some help around the house. Is there a mature kid or something who could take some of the burden off your hands for several dollars an hour? It may not be something you want to do on a long term basis, but it sure does feel good to catch up. (Tangent alert) I once found a girl on Craigslist who helped me put away my entire just-laundered wardrobe after my house got fumigated. (Told ya ladies I have too many clothes). I think if I'd gradually done it myself, it would have taken up all my spare time during the work week or a whole weekend day, so to me she was worth it.
    I am really thinking of hiring a college student from my college to come and help, especially if DH gets accepted as a firefighter and has to leave. He will have to move to Chicago in March to fulfill the residency requirement and I'm not going to take Ky out of school until the year is over so I will basically be a single mom while DH is gone. My college is only about a mile away and I know I can find someone to vacuum and wash some dishes for me and feed the dog for probably $50 a week. I would be concerned though about someone trying to steal my stuff. Weird but I think like that and I am just mistrustful of people in general. My aunt is not working now (long story I may share later) and she said she would come and clean for me if I wanted for $20!!! I told her I didn't want to take advantage of her like that but actually she was just talking about putting all our crap in a pile for me to go through LOL! I'm like....um....I can put a pile of crap in the middle of the floor by myself. But I did tell her that if I write a short list of chores, vacuuming, dusting, tidying kitchen and front bathroom, that I would pay her $50 but she can't leave piles of garbage or clothes around.

    Erin

  26. #26366

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    Quote Originally Posted by Smplyme89 View Post
    Guess whose on the umployment line??

    My DH. 3 weeks before freaking Christmas

    Why does this always happen to us?? As of the first of the year we were going to be completely assistance free!!!! And than this

    I feel like were hamsters stuck in one of those **** spinning wheels never getting anywhere

    Pity party over
    I'm sorry Christina

    2/09 6/09 4/14

  27. #26367
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    Quote Originally Posted by demigraf View Post
    Well you won't find any in here!
    Hey! I resemble that remark!!

    Quote Originally Posted by demigraf View Post
    Chrissy, I say this all the time, but you're such a good mommy. And your girls are too bright to not appreciate you. If they don't today, I don't doubt they will. That is all.
    They do appreciate what they have. I mean, if they think about it they do. It's only that they get caught up in what they want and are so disappointed if I say they have to wait. They don't mean to make me feel like they don't appreciate their stuff...they're just kids. And I'm depressed, so I take everything as a "see, you're not good enough" sign right now.

    Quote Originally Posted by Ky'sMom View Post
    If he got with a company that does government contracts he can make WAY more than 40K per year. I primarily started out in my position auditing payrolls of our construction projects, the heavy machinery guys made about $30 per hour. This varies by state but I know in NY state it is higher than it is here. He should really shop himself around. I know people like to complain a lot about "The Stimulus" that was passed saying that it did not do anything but our company spent over 10 million dollars of the stimulus renovating buildings for 2 years. We used a lot of local big companies, small companies, women owned companies, you name it. We had at least 200 contractors for ever facet of renovation. Most of the workers weren't even in a union or anything it's just that companies who do work with government money HAVE to pay their workers "Davis Bacon" wages, which is a federal law from the 1930s. New wages are bargained by the unions but really it gives everyone who works on these jobs really good pay. Even if your DH just did some work PT for some of these companies he could probably make quite a bit of change.

    He should really check around to see if there are any government projects going on (they usually are with large to mid-sized companies not the actual government) who are remodeling all of the damaged buildings due to the flooding that your area endured. I work in housing and I know that HUD will give money to renovate public housing buildings in those sorts of disasters as well as the local governments rebuilding roads and bridges and such. He should really look into it even if just for PT work. All those projects would have Davis Bacon requirements.



    I am really thinking of hiring a college student from my college to come and help, especially if DH gets accepted as a firefighter and has to leave. He will have to move to Chicago in March to fulfill the residency requirement and I'm not going to take Ky out of school until the year is over so I will basically be a single mom while DH is gone. My college is only about a mile away and I know I can find someone to vacuum and wash some dishes for me and feed the dog for probably $50 a week. I would be concerned though about someone trying to steal my stuff. Weird but I think like that and I am just mistrustful of people in general. My aunt is not working now (long story I may share later) and she said she would come and clean for me if I wanted for $20!!! I told her I didn't want to take advantage of her like that but actually she was just talking about putting all our crap in a pile for me to go through LOL! I'm like....um....I can put a pile of crap in the middle of the floor by myself. But I did tell her that if I write a short list of chores, vacuuming, dusting, tidying kitchen and front bathroom, that I would pay her $50 but she can't leave piles of garbage or clothes around.

    Erin
    I'm going to talk to Rich some more about this Erin. You have some wonderful ideas. There are still many homes and businesses that are sitting vacant and distraught He's very blue-collar and can do just about anything-and has. Whenever I bring up the topic of him finding a better paying job, he says that he likes where he is, he likes the people. And he reminds me that in 50+ years they've never laid anyone off. Two good points, but still...if he were making $30/hour and got laid off, his unemployment would be just about what he brings home now I think. We'd manage anyway.

    Oh goodness about your aunt leaving you piles of stuff!! Like that would help! How long would your dh have to be away from you? Would you be moving to Chicago after the school year?

    Bobbie is so smart. I was venting about 'selfish boss not giving a crap' and being insensitive yesterday when I got home and Bobbie said, "Mom, you know he lacks social skills. Even I can tell." I thought about it for a minute and she's right. It still doesn't make it pleasant to sit in 1 room all day with only 1 other person and be totally quiet.

    Mama to Bobbie 20 ~ Jesi 18 ~ Syd 14 ~ Conner 6
    I'm gonna be a Gramama! Jesi is due 11/22/13


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    Quote Originally Posted by demigraf View Post
    I'm so sorry, C! That's terrible news. You know, it always feels like you're on a hamster wheel going in circles, but in my ripe old age, I've found you're still growing in little increments with every little life change. I know that doesn't sound very encouraging right now, but with every setback like this, you're arming yourself for more battles like it, and getting stronger in the process.
    Thank you for that. I know you are right, history has shown me that we get better and better at going through this each and every time In a couple days I will feel better about us being back to being partially dependent on the state, but for now I'm just throwing myself a pity party and plan on having a couple drinks this weekend

    Things are a little crazy, but I'm loving every minute of it My Blog


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    Quote Originally Posted by Smplyme89 View Post
    Thank you for that. I know you are right, history has shown me that we get better and better at going through this each and every time In a couple days I will feel better about us being back to being partially dependent on the state, but for now I'm just throwing myself a pity party and plan on having a couple drinks this weekend
    Just remember this is the state of the economy. It's not you abusing the system at all. You two are doing everything you can to get away from it, and it will happen....but man, it does feel like it takes forever and it's amazing how many road blocks will creep up on you.

    I never admitted it here, but we'd been off services from 1996 and I had to get food stamps for a while when I was pregnant with Conner (2006). I was going to school and found myself temporarily without a part time job. It really sucked and I started to feel like a total failure. Pregnancy hormones probably didn't help...but just remember, that's what those services are there for. They're to help people like us bridge the gap when we're clawing our way out of the depths of financial hell.

    Mama to Bobbie 20 ~ Jesi 18 ~ Syd 14 ~ Conner 6
    I'm gonna be a Gramama! Jesi is due 11/22/13


  30. #26370
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    I'm sorry you've fallen on hard times, Christina. I hope your husband gets his job back asap. This is the first year that we are a one income family due to me trying to get back on to a teacher training course and I hate how much it's affected our finances.

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