Secular Confessions

[missychrissy]

It's crazy how much children change your life. My husband and I were just chatting about it last night. The day before Travis had had a rough day with his temper and just 3 year old behaviour. Last night he was back to being a cuddly little love bug as he played with Lego with us and talked about his rocket ships and trucks. I turned to dh and said, "it's crazy how much I love that boy" and he said (with a sigh), "yeah, I know." They sure do tire you out but it's so worth it.

Agreed

You guys. Help.
As you all know things have been rough with Savana lately. Dbf and I have been discussing the possibility of putting her in public school here and picking up the homeschooling when we move to Hawaii. I've been very adamant about homeschooling but there has been this tiny voice in the back of my head wondering if some of her behaviors might improve from being in a whole new environment. Even though I put my whole heart into educating her I am afraid she might be bored. She is very, very bossy and controlling here and all the children are younger than her except for one boy who only comes 2 times a week and she does absolutely wonderful with him. So I've been putting the idea out there for her and today she said she wants to go to school.

I'm freaking out. I want to homeschool my children more than anything but I can't make this about me. And if there is even a chance that going to school might make her happier I have to try it.
Hold me.
Seriously.
I'm a mess. (Not showing her that though of course)

I feel like I failed.

You have not failed. Parenting is an adventure and we all have to make change to our 'rules' as we go along. Maybe that's the hardest part about being a parent-you can't predict how any one child will act/react to any given scenario. You must be flexible. You have not failed, Bridget.

I am just speaking from my gut here, because I'm sure you've thought a lot more about the homeschooling decision than me... The idea of putting Savana in public school appeals to the part of me that says try anything once so you can make informed decisions from firsthand experience, and believes that it's important to expose children to a recurring group social environment as a way to build cooperative skills. I definitely see how it can be scary, and Savana may not like it at all, but you could always begin to homeschool her again if it doesn't feel right.

Maybe you could enroll her in school and let her attend, presenting it to her as an trial period to see if she'd like it. In a way, you'd be dipping your toe in the water and it'd be a no-pressure situation for her?

I agree with Myles. It won't hurt to try it and just because you enroll her doesn't mean she has to complete the entire year if it doesn't work out.

again. I know you don't take these decisions lightly.

[Ky'sMom]

I agree you haven't failed Bridget. If anything it shows what a great mom you are to let go of what you want to do in order to let your daughter explore the world the way she wants to. She is so lucky to have you as a mom!

It is scary when kids go off to school though. I'm not going to lie about that. I adore Ky's school but I was starting to dread his last school and I could tell he was not loving to learn as much as he had previously. I wish you were here because I know you would be comfortable with our school. I actually looked into the Madison area when we were thinking of moving back north before this Chicago thing came up and found out that they have really good schools in your area according to reviews and word of mouth. Even still, it is hard to find a good fit. If it helps, our principal did say that he got the idea for our school (low class sizes and family environment with individualized attention) from a school he worked at in Wisconsin. He said our model is starting to gain ground there and in Minnesota, which was why I looked at both of those states when we were looking for places to relocate to.

Also, she might not even like school, many kids don't, unfortunately in my experience with the kids I know, hardly any of them like school. The only ones I know who do go to our school and our school is just special and the kids are really happy to go there. I remember this summer Ky was getting sick of summer and said he couldn't wait to go back to school. My one main friend IRL has a son who goes to our school as well and he was the same way. When we would visit they would both sit around talking about all the cool things they could be doing at school right now instead of sitting around the house playing LOL.

Erin

[Gwenn]

I agree you haven't failed Bridget. If anything it shows what a great mom you are to let go of what you want to do in order to let your daughter explore the world the way she wants to. She is so lucky to have you as a mom!

ITA with this.

[Suja]

I feel like I failed.

That's crazy talk. You are willing to change the game plan because you realize that maybe you need to do something different for your daughter's sake. That right there is GOOD parenting. And you know something, it might turn out that homeschooling is the right thing after all. Little kids are all about 'Ooh, shiny!'. For her it is a new adventure, and she is excited about it. That's a good thing too, she is prepared to deal with the changes life throws at her. It does not necessarily mean that she'll prefer the school, long term. Or if it turns out that it is a good fit for her, that you've done something wrong. You're putting her needs ahead of your game plan. How could that be wrong?

[beanpop]

Bridget You're not a failure. You're such an awesome mom. You're letting her decide what she wants with her education and that is SO important.

[girlwonder]

My turn for a bad day! J woke up at 5 a.m. - tried to go back to sleep but the cat woke me, then J came in again, then the cat, then J found her WHISTLE and it was all over. Went for a run at 6:30 just to try to run the mad out of me and when I got back DH told me that J had been looking at one of my eggs and dropped it - a $240 goose egg. I just lost it - the day sucks this bad and it isn't even 8 am yet! DH took her to the dr. for her four year check-up and vax so I could try to decompress, but then she was out of sorts and cranky for the rest of the day. Oh yeah, and poopy from the shots I think - had to clean up the bathroom and her back AND front like I haven't had to since messy diaper days. I hope tomorrow is better.

[Smplyme89]

Bridget I absolutely agree with everything all the ladies here have said. I know that homeschooling is something you are passionate about I think it is amazing and shows how awesome you are that you are looking at her needs before your own You never know, she might not even like it.

[AbbeysMom]

pm-ed you bridget.


Sorry about your day, Katy! I hope tomorrow is better for you as well.

[demigraf]

You poor thing, katy. It stinks when the world conspires to keep you from sleeping. What a bummer about the egg too. At least you'll get a do-over tomorrow, and I hope it goes more than well for you.

[beanpop]

Goodness Katy, that sounds awful. I've never heard of such an expensive egg before

[AmeriBrit]

Aw, so sorry about your day, Katy. Let's hope today brings happier things along with it!

[missychrissy]

Oh Katy I'm so sorry. I did giggle slightly about the whistle (been there) but my heart ached for you when I read about the goose egg.

Bobbie takes her driver's test today (the road test). I hope she doesn't get nervous. She should be fine driving in town, in the daylight, as long as she doesn't get overwhelmed with a stranger in the car with her. Sometimes that sort of thing makes her anxious.

[Ky'sMom]

Katy, hope your day is better today. So sorry about the egg!

Elle woke up this morning and her eye was swollen shut. She looks so pitiful and kept saying "Hey, I can't see right, I can't open my eye!" and kept trying to open the one that is swollen but was just opening her good eye bigger and bigger. It was pretty funny. She was upset we didn't go to see her friends (what she calls going to her daycare). I am going to keep her home for a couple hours and hope it goes down, then take her to see her friends and go to work.


Erin

[Smplyme89]

I'm sure Bobbie will do great Chrissy! The driving test IS a bit nerve racking knowing you are being watched

Poor Elle I hope it goes down!

[Suja]

Oh Katy, I would've totally cried over the egg. Hope today is off to a good start.

Poor Elle. I used to get all sorts of eye problems as a kid. The one thing that always felt good was to put a warm, wet, washcloth over the eye. Sometimes it would help the swelling go down as well.

And good luck to Bobbie! I'm sure she'll do fine.

[Cosmosmom]

I'm sorry about the egg Katy.

Poor Elle...hope that the eye opens up soon.

Good luck Bobbie!

[Bridget]

Omg Katy! I cannot believe that happened with the egg. What a day.
I hope Bobbie passes her test. I failed mine twice. Seriously, when I was learning to drive my mom was incredibly critical and she made me so nervous that I hated to drive. She was a yeller. When I took my test the first two times I was literally shaking with fear. But now I consider myself a very good driver.

I have no daycare kids today! My one family of 3 boys are not coming and the other child I have, her mother is sick so she wants to avoid bringing the germs here for baby Sawyer which I appreciate very much. Sucks they are all state funded families so I do not get paid but I welcome the day off since I am emotionally spent. I cried a lot last night thinking about Savana going to school. I know it sounds crazy but I just can't stop worrying. Today she is still intent on going so I hope that the teacher calls back and I can speak to her about enrollment. One thing I did find out is that she has 28 children in her class. It's only her and an occassional assistant. That is insane to me. Also, each teacher has a website and when I went on hers every page is empty. No updates on what they are doing in the classroom. Should that bother me? Because it does.

We are building a real tee pee in our front yard. Our street has a lot of public land with huge trees so we've been collecting all summer. We used them all up yesterday and so dbf just took Savana and Kai out to collect more and brainstorm ideas on what we can do to make it weatherproof. Then this afternoon we will try to get the supplies we need to weatherproof it and go to the history museum in our town.

[missychrissy]

I got to where I couldn't ride with Bobbie for a while. I did yell when she put the car in park on that corner in the dark that time...I feel like it was justified 99.9% of the time she does well though and I'm confident in her ability to pass...as long as she doesn't get nervous. It's going to be a long day waiting because I'm very anxious for her.

Wow-28 kids for K? That's ridiculous! I think when you consider that it doesn't surprise me that she doesn't have time to update her web page. I'm sure she has a life outside of school. Poor woman.

Your tee pee sounds so cool! Post pics when you're done!!

I'm personally in the crabbiest place I think I've ever been in my life. I'm feeling so mean I can barely stand myself. I still have a sense of humor about it and I'm laughing at myself for feeling so witchy, but it's not pleasant feeling this way every single day. I even made my back hurt from being so stressed. Letting crap go used to be so much easier for me. 2011 has easily been the roughest year for us ever.

[daylilies]

28 kids is huge for a kindergarten, I think! I don't know how big Josh's will be, but there are a lot of schools in this town so hopefully not bad.

Sorry about the egg Katy
Chrissy you sure have had a tough year and you deserve a stress free rest of your life! I hope the new year is much better for you all.

[girlwonder]

It was the one from this blog post:

http://katyegg.blogspot.com/2011/10/...-fish-fry.html

Chrissy - just try to remember to breathe.

Bridget - I know you must be worried. I don't know what I would do, especially with that big of a class. Have your visited the school to see if you feel comfortable there?

I hope Elle's eye is better by now - do you think she got a mosquito bite?

[AmeriBrit]

Bridget, that does sound like a big class for just one teacher and an occasional helper. Is there any way you could observe the class before making a decision?

[missychrissy]

Katy, I feel even worse for you after seeing the egg

[Smplyme89]

Oh my Katy that egg was absolutely beautiful, I am SO sorry

Bridget that is ALOT of kids!!! I think taking into consideration she has 28 kids in her classroom I can understand her not having time to update the website!

Chrissy I wish there was something I could say that would help, but all I can do is offer

[missychrissy]

Having this place to vent to helps. I know no one can make it better. At least I don't have to hold it in...somehow just saying I feel pissy helps me.

[girlwonder]

I feel bad today for how I reacted when I found out. I can make another one and the next one will be better. I'm just in the middle of my crunch time right now - in between two art shows (this past weekend and this coming weekend) and then shows from Dec. 10 to Dec. 24th. I need every egg I can make and I think that one probably would have sold. Oh well. I spent a lot of time yesterday talking about not being careless, etc. She did feel very sorry and I feel bad that I made her feel sorrier. I was just already so mad and tired and I just freaked out.

[Smplyme89]

I agree Chrissy sometimes it just helps to let it all out

It's completely understandable that you were upset Katy, I think I would have freaked out too

[missychrissy]

Katy, we're human. Even us mothers that love our kids.

[Ky'sMom]

I hope Elle's eye is better by now - do you think she got a mosquito bite?

Yes, I'm sure it was a mosquito bite. She has freakish reactions to mosquito bites. DH is an over reactor any time anyone of them get some sort of ailment, especially a skin ailment. She got a bite on her leg last month that swelled up to the size of a golf ball (this is normal for her and what her eye looked like so I knew it was a mosquito bite). After Elle having this happen for 3 years of her life, DH just noticed it last month and was freaking out and wanted to take her to the ER.

And Bridget, 28 kids per class now is the norm here in this state. If we do end up moving to Chicago, I know that if we don't get into a charter school there that has 25 kids or less (which is high IMO since I have been spoiled with 6 kids per class for 2 years) then I will homeschool him even though I really do not want to do it. He would probably learn more though, but Ky loves school and having a life outside of home. The class size in Chicago has a maximum of....get this 42 KIDS!! I cannot send my kids to a school with that many kids per class. Almost all of the public schools, even the good ones have over 30 kids per class, even in kindergarten. Ky's class in K was 18 but back then the maximum was 20 in K. They also had a TA in the class so it was a 9:1 ratio of kids to adults then.

I also wouldn't think anything of the website. I don't teach and cannot keep up a blog LOL so I know if I had 28 kids to keep up with I would not have time to maintain the website. As long as I had the teachers phone number and they were receptive to me calling and understood that I wanted to be contacted regarding any issues all would be okay.

On that note, DH got a call from our principal that Ky spit on a girl in his class. He is always talking about how this girl pesters him and she is rather...I'll say wild. She reminds me of a 3 year old having a tantrum whenever I talk to her and I'll admit she is rather annoying. I am wondering what kind of spitting incident it was, like was it a hocking type of nasty spit or just a raspberry type of spit, like blowing your lip together. Regardless I am pretty upset about it as this is very much out of character for him. The principal said that Ky told him about how the girl bothers him a lot but this is the first time that Ky had ever told anyone at school. I don't know how to get through to him that if someone is bothering you, you need to tell a trusted adult. I know Ky has a very good relationship with pretty much every teacher in his school as well as the principal. Most of them live near us and we see them at the park and grocery store, we visit them. I just don't understand why he doesn't say anything. But I was a little like that as a kid, I never wanted to rock the boat when I was his age and I fear he has inherited this trait from me. I mostly was quiet like that because my mom was rather crazy and was a stereotypical, attitude having, going off at school, black mother. I look back at it and laugh at how ridiculous she was . She would threaten to sue (and actually she sued about 3 different businesses/organizations when I was younger and won the suits) the school system and my teachers all the time so I didn't tell her about a lot of things. Even though I am crazy in my own way, I am not loud and don't like to go off the deep end. It was something I saw in my mom that I did not want to emulate. So I don't understand Ky's hesitation in sticking up for himself. But now I will have to punish him for spitting on this girl because that is just nasty and disrespectful.

Erin

[Suja]

FWIW, it's pretty normal for classes in the private schools I went to in India to have that many kids. The highest # of kids in one classroom was 83 (that was 5th grade, I believe). There were never any issues with learning because whatever I learned or was supposed to learn in the classroom, always got learned/reinforced at home.

[missychrissy]

What a bummer Erin. You're such a good mom-addressing it without overreacting. It's so disappointing when our kids don't behave like we know they're capable of, but it happens.