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Thread: Secular Confessions

  1. #25561
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    I went and chopped 13inches off my hair and didn't tell DH He walked in and started whistling telling me I was a 'hot mama' Such a dork.

    Things are a little crazy, but I'm loving every minute of it My Blog


  2. #25562
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    L I'm sure ppd played a large part in that.

    Quote Originally Posted by Smplyme89 View Post
    A lady just asked me what 25-19 was

    Mama to Bobbie 20 ~ Jesi 18 ~ Syd 14 ~ Conner 6
    I'm gonna be a Gramama! Jesi is due 11/22/13


  3. #25563
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    Thanks for sharing so honestly, everyone. It helps to know a variety of experiences.

    Totally not the same thing, but when I worked directly with the kids, I'd see them over several years and some kids I was very much bonded with. Not as a parent/child relationship, but there is something about teaching life skills to a child that leads to a very close care provider bond. Particularly if you don't have your own children, I think. I've cried more than a few times saying goodbye at the end of a year.

    When I get a new crop of kids, I don't have a relationship with any of them at first, but it does grow over time. I remember when DH and I were first TTC I was on a field trip with my class. I had a little guy sitting on my lap and I remember thinking that I knew that I could bond with a child because I felt so connected to my little guys, even when at first they are just some new kid and part of my job. That's always come over time for me.

    I did bond very quickly with Nero but because DH chose Gwennie (and I had expressed repeatedly that it wasn't good time for a new puppy) she was DH's dog and I tried NOT to bond with her. Couldn't help it -I adore her now. I think that instant bond is rare in a case of not flesh and blood, but I have no doubt bonding will happen with an adopted baby.
    Last edited by Gwenn; 11-15-2011 at 03:13 PM.
    Me (40) DH (47) & furbabies * m/c 7/08 4/12 11/12

  4. #25564

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    Quote Originally Posted by Smplyme89 View Post
    I was wowed by Nolan actually being here and while I thought he was cute and scrunchy it took time for me for my love for him to grow (although part of that may have been the baby blues I dealt with) I never wanted to admit that cause I thought it made me a bad person I mean I loved him, but not in the way that I feel love for him now. It's gotten bigger and more real as the days go on and I can only imagine that it will continue to grow
    I definitely had the baby blues for the first 4 weeks of B's infancy. I still feel incredibly mad at myself for not nursing him properly the first 4 or 5 days of his life; I'd nurse less than a minute every few hours because I didn't understand he wasn't "done". He was just protesting that I had an overactive letdown, plus he had a bad latch due to my short nipples, so I thought he'd had enough. He lost over 10% of his body weight in that period. I was starving him and I feel so awful about it; no one had ever told me how much was the right amount until I saw an LC, and I was appalled with myself once I learned that a proper feeding was supposed to be more like 20-45 minute at the time. I have this suspicion that B's appetite is poor today because of something I did during those first few days. I also didn't feel deep love right away - mainly huge insecurity and pity for the little guy who needed a better mother. I know a lot of that was the hormones talking too.

    The final thing that stood in the way of immediate affection for B: I was floored by just how huge his testicles were when he first came out. They were swollen and red and looked like they belonged on a gorilla. DH later admits he thought to himself, "that's my boy!" But yeah, they were initially shockingly distracting.

  5. #25565
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    Quote Originally Posted by Smplyme89 View Post
    A lady just asked me what 25-19 was
    I have to admit I don't get this...
    Me (40) DH (47) & furbabies * m/c 7/08 4/12 11/12

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    Quote Originally Posted by Gwenn View Post
    When I get a new crop of kids, I don't have a relationship with any of them at first, but it does grow over time. I remember when DH and I were first TTC I was on a field trip with my class. I had a little guy sitting on my lap and I remember thinking that I knew that I could bond with a child because I felt so connected to my little guys, even when at first they are just some new kid and part of my job. That's always come over time for me.

    I did bond very quickly with Nero but because DH chose Gwennie (and I had expressed repeatedly that it wasn't good time for a new puppy) she was DH's dog and I tried NOT to bond with her. Couldn't help it -I adore her now. I think that instant bond is rare in a case of not flesh and blood, but I have no doubt bonding will happen with an adopted baby.
    I'll bet you're amazing with the kids, Mandy. I'd love to be a fly on the wall during one of your sessions.

    I was instantly gaga about Lulu, so much so that I skipped work the afternoon we brought her home and missed my offramp on the way home from paying attention to her. I didn't initially bond with Cayo because he was more DH's doggie and Lulu was mine. The funny thing is that Cayo is more attached to me now (which leads me to have a soft spot for him) and Lulu is DH's little shadow around the house.

  7. #25567
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    Quote Originally Posted by demigraf View Post
    I'll bet you're amazing with the kids, Mandy. I'd love to be a fly on the wall during one of your sessions.
    Agreed.

    the pet I bonded with fasted and deepest was Cramer. I peaked into his plastic pet carrier, beyond the burlap covering the vents, and he was cocking his head peaking back at me. It was instant love!

    Mama to Bobbie 20 ~ Jesi 18 ~ Syd 14 ~ Conner 6
    I'm gonna be a Gramama! Jesi is due 11/22/13


  8. #25568
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    Quote Originally Posted by demigraf View Post
    I definitely had the baby blues for the first 4 weeks of B's infancy. I still feel incredibly mad at myself for not nursing him properly the first 4 or 5 days of his life; I'd nurse less than a minute every few hours because I didn't understand he wasn't "done". He was just protesting that I had an overactive letdown, plus he had a bad latch due to my short nipples, so I thought he'd had enough. He lost over 10% of his body weight in that period. I was starving him and I feel so awful about it; no one had ever told me how much was the right amount until I saw an LC, and I was appalled with myself once I learned that a proper feeding was supposed to be more like 20-45 minute at the time. I have this suspicion that B's appetite is poor today because of something I did during those first few days. I also didn't feel deep love right away - mainly huge insecurity and pity for the little guy who needed a better mother. I know a lot of that was the hormones talking too.

    The final thing that stood in the way of immediate affection for B: I was floored by just how huge his testicles were when he first came out. They were swollen and red and looked like they belonged on a gorilla. DH later admits he thought to himself, "that's my boy!" But yeah, they were initially shockingly distracting.
    It is not your fault that you didn't know

    and OMG Nolan's were too! Actually DH DID say "thats my boy" as well as teh OB who commented on them as well Men!

    Things are a little crazy, but I'm loving every minute of it My Blog


  9. #25569
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    Quote Originally Posted by Gwenn View Post
    I have to admit I don't get this...
    I was just shocked by her inability to do simple math. I suppose I shouldn't poke fun though

    Things are a little crazy, but I'm loving every minute of it My Blog


  10. #25570
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    Quote Originally Posted by Gwenn View Post
    I have to admit I don't get this...
    I had to look at it for a second, but I think she means "25 minus 16." LOL

  11. #25571
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    Quote Originally Posted by demigraf View Post
    I definitely had the baby blues for the first 4 weeks of B's infancy. I still feel incredibly mad at myself for not nursing him properly the first 4 or 5 days of his life;
    BIG

    Mama to Bobbie 20 ~ Jesi 18 ~ Syd 14 ~ Conner 6
    I'm gonna be a Gramama! Jesi is due 11/22/13


  12. #25572
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    At first, I was wondering if you were talking about an interstate or something, Christina...LOL

  13. #25573
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    Quote Originally Posted by AmeriBrit View Post
    At first, I was wondering if you were talking about an interstate or something, Christina...LOL
    I'm sorry I wasn't clear!

    Things are a little crazy, but I'm loving every minute of it My Blog


  14. #25574
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    I am really lucky that I didn't get ppd with either of my boys. I was always scared I would get depressed easily since my mother has so many emotional issues, but I lucked out there. When Cash was born and he was so much smaller than Travis (6lb 7oz vs. 7lb 10oz), I felt really guilty like it was my fault even though I ate better with Cash (I didn't take the prenatals for as long with him).

  15. #25575

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    Oh my Molly is a cute puppy, love her little face. Cosmo's face is pretty funny. Soon she won't know what she did before her little sister came along.

    I've noticed with my dogs and cats, that the girls are feisty and independent, and the boys are loving and snugglers. My big male cat was this fat lump that wanted nothing more than to sit in your lap and purr. My female Dachshund was "security" she alerted me of any potential threat. Now I know that I will have the boy/girl combo, no same sex pets for me.

    We're going up to South Carolina for Thanksgiving, looking forward to cooler weather. It's really humid here this week.

    When G was born, I felt overwhelming love for him. I was in complete awe that he was mine, and I could take him home. Since I was a little girl, I have loved babies, and now I had my own, my very own. The first 8 weeks I did feel completely and totally exhausted, I wasn't prepared for the sleep deprivation.
    Shelley-mom to DS, 6

  16. #25576
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    Quote Originally Posted by Gwenn View Post
    I have to admit I don't get this...
    Don't worry, I didn't get it either. I was thinking of googling from home in case it was something I probably shouldn't at work. LOL
    Last edited by Cosmosmom; 11-15-2011 at 03:53 PM.

    Jennifer, 35, DH 36

  17. #25577
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    Quote Originally Posted by AmeriBrit View Post
    At first, I was wondering if you were talking about an interstate or something, Christina...LOL
    I thought it was the score to some important game I missed.

  18. #25578
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    My honest feeling on the whole mothering thing is that some women are naturals and some women are not, and I definitely fit into the latter category. After the initial relief when Mira was born and declared healthy, my next thought was WTF??? She was born with A LOT of hair. On her forehead. I was like 'Great, if there weren't so many witnesses, including DH, I would've denied that the little monkey came out of me'. For the most part, parenting was and remains a hard slog. It is not intuitive for me, I'm not a natural, and SO much of it seems like such crapshoot that I'm often tempted to just throw my hands up in the air. I love my daughter dearly, but man, life was a lot easier (but a lot less interesting) before her. I worry a lot about what the future holds for her.

    To tell you the truth, I feel like I am more of a dog person than a kid person. My dogs are most definitely not my kids, no matter how important they are to me, but I really get them. I can work with them to the point where living with them becomes a breeze. I have the kind of control over them that I will never have over my kid, and I really like that. Less overall unpredictability.

    Maybe I really am that big of a control freak (which is not to be confused with neat freak; my office looks like a shredder exploded in here).

  19. #25579
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    It's crazy how much children change your life. My husband and I were just chatting about it last night. The day before Travis had had a rough day with his temper and just 3 year old behaviour. Last night he was back to being a cuddly little love bug as he played with Lego with us and talked about his rocket ships and trucks. I turned to dh and said, "it's crazy how much I love that boy" and he said (with a sigh), "yeah, I know." They sure do tire you out but it's so worth it.

  20. #25580

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    Yes, I saw the Hunger Games trailer! I got chills! I didn't have high hopes for it, I think Lionsgate puts out some crap movies, but this really looks good. I keep meaning to re-read the book. It's been a while.
    I know a lot of people don't like the casting but I honestly love it.


    In regards to the number of children discussion, there is no doubt in my mind that I'd end up in the looney bin if I had another child. I've already got one foot in the door!

  21. #25581

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    You guys. Help.
    As you all know things have been rough with Savana lately. Dbf and I have been discussing the possibility of putting her in public school here and picking up the homeschooling when we move to Hawaii. I've been very adamant about homeschooling but there has been this tiny voice in the back of my head wondering if some of her behaviors might improve from being in a whole new environment. Even though I put my whole heart into educating her I am afraid she might be bored. She is very, very bossy and controlling here and all the children are younger than her except for one boy who only comes 2 times a week and she does absolutely wonderful with him. So I've been putting the idea out there for her and today she said she wants to go to school.

    I'm freaking out. I want to homeschool my children more than anything but I can't make this about me. And if there is even a chance that going to school might make her happier I have to try it.
    Hold me.
    Seriously.
    I'm a mess. (Not showing her that though of course)

  22. #25582

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    Oh and I SO want a haircut...I used to have a cute pixie cut but that's when I was skinny and now I just don't think I can pull it off without looking like an overweight teenage boy...LOL
    I'd go for a bob but I never style let alone dry my hair so I'm afraid it will look bad!

  23. #25583
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    Quote Originally Posted by daylilies View Post
    In regards to the number of children discussion, there is no doubt in my mind that I'd end up in the looney bin if I had another child. I've already got one foot in the door!
    There are days when DH is watching Mira pull whatever crazy stunt she's pulling and say wistfully 'Wouldn't it be great if we had 4 or 5 more just like her?'. Yeah, then you can all come and visit me in my padded cell at Bellevue.

    Bridget, all will turn out okay.

  24. #25584

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    Quote Originally Posted by Bridget View Post
    You guys. Help.
    As you all know things have been rough with Savana lately. Dbf and I have been discussing the possibility of putting her in public school here and picking up the homeschooling when we move to Hawaii. I've been very adamant about homeschooling but there has been this tiny voice in the back of my head wondering if some of her behaviors might improve from being in a whole new environment. Even though I put my whole heart into educating her I am afraid she might be bored. She is very, very bossy and controlling here and all the children are younger than her except for one boy who only comes 2 times a week and she does absolutely wonderful with him. So I've been putting the idea out there for her and today she said she wants to go to school.

    I'm freaking out. I want to homeschool my children more than anything but I can't make this about me. And if there is even a chance that going to school might make her happier I have to try it.
    Hold me.
    Seriously.
    I'm a mess. (Not showing her that though of course)
    I think everything you said is correct. You can't make it about you. But do you think you could get her involved in more activities while you homeschool her? Are there any homeschooling playgroups in the area she can join?

    I don't think public schools are that terrible but I'm not as educated about it as some of the others here. Maybe they can give you some better advice, but I don't think sending her to school would be the end of the world. You would just supplement what you think is missing from/wrong with her education and I know you'd do a great job at that.

  25. #25585

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    Quote Originally Posted by daylilies View Post
    I think everything you said is correct. You can't make it about you. But do you think you could get her involved in more activities while you homeschool her? Are there any homeschooling playgroups in the area she can join?

    I don't think public schools are that terrible but I'm not as educated about it as some of the others here. Maybe they can give you some better advice, but I don't think sending her to school would be the end of the world. You would just supplement what you think is missing from/wrong with her education and I know you'd do a great job at that.
    We are kind of stuck at home during the week since I have kids all the time. On the weekends I always take us out on adventures. The homeschool group meets during the weekdays too.
    I know it won't be the end of the world. It just wasn't in the plans at all and my head is sort of reeling from the possibility of nothing going as I planned. I love our bubble.

  26. #25586

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    IDK if this is possible for you to maybe put her in some kind of day camp style setting for a while as a test, I know the Y does stuff like that (not sure if it's only in the summer or if they offer stuff like that during the year) to see how she does in that kind of setting before you all decide if school is right for her? She might like the idea of it now but realize it's not right when she sees what it's all about.

  27. #25587
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    Quote Originally Posted by demigraf View Post
    I'll bet you're amazing with the kids, Mandy. I'd love to be a fly on the wall during one of your sessions.

    I was instantly gaga about Lulu, so much so that I skipped work the afternoon we brought her home and missed my offramp on the way home from paying attention to her. I didn't initially bond with Cayo because he was more DH's doggie and Lulu was mine. The funny thing is that Cayo is more attached to me now (which leads me to have a soft spot for him) and Lulu is DH's little shadow around the house.
    Thanks.

    We go through spots where each of the dogs prefer one or the other of us. They're really both our mutual dogs but I do suspect N prefers DH and Gwennie prefers me.

    Quote Originally Posted by Smplyme89 View Post
    I was just shocked by her inability to do simple math. I suppose I shouldn't poke fun though
    LOL ... I was expecting to hear it meant something like 69!

    Quote Originally Posted by Bridget View Post
    You guys. Help.
    As you all know things have been rough with Savana lately. Dbf and I have been discussing the possibility of putting her in public school here and picking up the homeschooling when we move to Hawaii. I've been very adamant about homeschooling but there has been this tiny voice in the back of my head wondering if some of her behaviors might improve from being in a whole new environment. Even though I put my whole heart into educating her I am afraid she might be bored. She is very, very bossy and controlling here and all the children are younger than her except for one boy who only comes 2 times a week and she does absolutely wonderful with him. So I've been putting the idea out there for her and today she said she wants to go to school.

    I'm freaking out. I want to homeschool my children more than anything but I can't make this about me. And if there is even a chance that going to school might make her happier I have to try it.
    Hold me.
    Seriously.
    I'm a mess. (Not showing her that though of course)
    Oh, B. I know how much homeschooling means to you. You're an excellent teacher and I know you can do a great job with Savana. In the end it will come down to Savana's needs. If her needs are met at home, perfect. If not, do you think it's worth a shot?

    Who knows, she may go one day and hate it and be ready to stay home!

    I can understand that she might feel frustrated as the oldest and as she gets older she will need to separate herself more from the daycare. You will find a solution, whether that is at home or in a school setting.
    Me (40) DH (47) & furbabies * m/c 7/08 4/12 11/12

  28. #25588

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    I feel like I failed.

  29. #25589

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    Quote Originally Posted by Bridget View Post
    You guys. Help.
    As you all know things have been rough with Savana lately. Dbf and I have been discussing the possibility of putting her in public school here and picking up the homeschooling when we move to Hawaii. I've been very adamant about homeschooling but there has been this tiny voice in the back of my head wondering if some of her behaviors might improve from being in a whole new environment. Even though I put my whole heart into educating her I am afraid she might be bored. She is very, very bossy and controlling here and all the children are younger than her except for one boy who only comes 2 times a week and she does absolutely wonderful with him. So I've been putting the idea out there for her and today she said she wants to go to school.

    I'm freaking out. I want to homeschool my children more than anything but I can't make this about me. And if there is even a chance that going to school might make her happier I have to try it.
    Hold me.
    Seriously.
    I'm a mess. (Not showing her that though of course)


    I am just speaking from my gut here, because I'm sure you've thought a lot more about the homeschooling decision than me... The idea of putting Savana in public school appeals to the part of me that says try anything once so you can make informed decisions from firsthand experience, and believes that it's important to expose children to a recurring group social environment as a way to build cooperative skills. I definitely see how it can be scary, and Savana may not like it at all, but you could always begin to homeschool her again if it doesn't feel right.

    Maybe you could enroll her in school and let her attend, presenting it to her as an trial period to see if she'd like it. In a way, you'd be dipping your toe in the water and it'd be a no-pressure situation for her?

  30. #25590

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    Not at all Bridget! I think maybe as she's getting older and her world should be getting bigger she's not satisfied with the bubble. From what you describe she's extremely smart, aware and curious and maybe she just needs more stimulation.

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