Secular Confessions

[Smplyme89]

Thats good Chrissy! I've never had a Mirena, it doesn't sound very pleasant TBH Were counting on BF'ing and PCOS to keep us from getting us knocked up right now

[missychrissy]

Thats good Chrissy! I've never had a Mirena, it doesn't sound very pleasant TBH Were counting on BF'ing and PCOS to keep us from getting us knocked up right now

It's really awesome. I had a little bit of cramping when she measured my uterus and that was it. It was kind of sudden cramping, but nothing more than serious period cramps and it ended quickly.

Now for 5 years (maybe 7 if the FDA changes their guidelines in the meantime) I don't have to worry about birth control at all!! For me, I have the added benefit of no monthly migraines, which I used to get. And my periods are fewer and lighter than they ever were in my life. 2-3 days tops, and that's only when I have them.

[Smplyme89]

Thats awesome! When I was on the pils I hated them! I bled all month and end up blowing up like a balloon (80 pounds in ONE year) I can't hormonal BC again though because it increases my BP really bad. After the first year when I got off BC it was in the 180/120's!

[Cosmosmom]

That is good chrissy! I get heebie jeebie thinking about getting one and out. I would have been super nervous....and having access like I do to medical info isn't always a good thing!

Well the upside of IF is that I don't even have to think about any kind of bc....and really don't plan on it again unless after we adopt, we wind up pg.....I would stop at two.

[missychrissy]

Thats awesome! When I was on the pils I hated them! I bled all month and end up blowing up like a balloon (80 pounds in ONE year) I can't hormonal BC again though because it increases my BP really bad. After the first year when I got off BC it was in the 180/120's!

Yikes! That's incredibly high! The Mirena does have hormone in it, but it's different than the typical BCP's hormones and supposedly stays local to your uterus area...but I'm not sure about that.

One thing I nearly forgot, I read and experienced that for the first few months (up to 6) you can bleed heavy and have horrendous cramps. It happened to me and I was oh-so-tempted to have it pulled out, but I kept reminding myself that it should go away and forced myself to stay with it for at least 6 months. I'm so glad I did.

That is good chrissy! I get heebie jeebie thinking about getting one and out. I would have been super nervous....and having access like I do to medical info isn't always a good thing!

Well the upside of IF is that I don't even have to think about any kind of bc....and really don't plan on it again unless after we adopt, we wind up pg.....I would stop at two.

I was gonna say, I'm not sure if they insert them in women that haven't had children (I could be wrong, or it could vary state to state?), but if you had a child after adopting, it would definitely be worth considering.

All forms of birth control have risks. I read up on the Mirena and read stuff that scared me, but then I made myself look at the actual percentages of negative side effects and decided to try it. I've tried everything (except sterilization!) and it's beyond the best choice for me.

[Smplyme89]

Thats why we decided not to do any BC Jennifer, we were going to use condoms because everyone has me paranoid about an oopsie-ultimately though, I hate them, he hates them. Using them lasted I don't know a month

Another upside to IF (for me) NO AF! Going on 17months AF free

[demigraf]

Oddly enough (and hope I don't offend anyone) but my DH complains I don't iron enough. He says it is proof that I "don't care about how I look like white women do." Bear in mind that DH is from Chicago so didn't know many white people growing up or in his young adult life since it is very segregated. I always tell him he is nutty when he says this, plus it cracks me up because I know people from all races who don't iron .
Erin

Oh, Erin, I laughed and groaned at the same time when I read this. It's true that people who grow up in a segregated area may as well have grown up in another country. My parents (immigrants) make the funniest, most cringeworthy comments about other cultures, though never made references to their own culture as somehow less tidy or conscientious than other cultures. FWIW, I see un-pressed garments on all colors of the rainbow. Three cheers for jersey and lycra and denim!

If I do partially dry something, it's in the beginning when it first comes out of the wash. Then, I take it out while it's still hot and damp, and quickly throw it on a hanger. That keeps me from having to iron most of my ironables. (Except linen. I curse you, wrinkliest of all fibers!)

Thank you for all the congrats, guys. I have even better news on that front, but I am so paranoid that it's ALL not going to work out that I'm going to keep quiet about it a little longer. Do you guys ever get this way when you're about to get something you wished really hard for?

[Smplyme89]

Yikes! That's incredibly high! The Mirena does have hormone in it, but it's different than the typical BCP's hormones and supposedly stays local to your uterus area...but I'm not sure about that.

One thing I nearly forgot, I read and experienced that for the first few months (up to 6) you can bleed heavy and have horrendous cramps. It happened to me and I was oh-so-tempted to have it pulled out, but I kept reminding myself that it should go away and forced myself to stay with it for at least 6 months. I'm so glad I did.

Thats good to know. If we ever get to the point where have to worry about an unplanned pergnancy I'll have to look into that Are you going to have to go through the 6 months of cramping again because you had a new one inserted?? Or is it just the first time you get it done?

[AmeriBrit]

I'm glad you got that sorted, Chrissy! My SIL had one done a few years ago and she's never had any children vaginally and she said it was the worst pain in her life....she doesn't have a very high pain tolerance though. We have to wait til after Christmas til my Rich gets 2 all-clear readings from his samples and then hopefully, we're home free for the free lovin'!

[AmeriBrit]

Do you guys ever get this way when you're about to get something you wished really hard for?

Yes, I do! Sounds exciting! Eeeeek!

[Smplyme89]

Myles is awesome

[daylilies]

Oh, Erin, I laughed and groaned at the same time when I read this. It's true that people who grow up in a segregated area may as well have grown up in another country. My parents (immigrants) make the funniest, most cringeworthy comments about other cultures, though never made references to their own culture as somehow less tidy or conscientious than other cultures. FWIW, I see un-pressed garments on all colors of the rainbow. Three cheers for jersey and lycra and denim!

If I do partially dry something, it's in the beginning when it first comes out of the wash. Then, I take it out while it's still hot and damp, and quickly throw it on a hanger. That keeps me from having to iron most of my ironables. (Except linen. I curse you, wrinkliest of all fibers!)

Thank you for all the congrats, guys. I have even better news on that front, but I am so paranoid that it's ALL not going to work out that I'm going to keep quiet about it a little longer. Do you guys ever get this way when you're about to get something you wished really hard for?

I almost never talk about something that's possibly coming up because I always seem to jinx it.

This may be a dumb question but if you're on a BC that causes you to not have a period every month, how do you know if you accidentally become pregnant? I mean after a while it would become obvious, but how would you know early on?

[missychrissy]

Oh, Erin, I laughed and groaned at the same time when I read this. It's true that people who grow up in a segregated area may as well have grown up in another country.

-----

Thank you for all the congrats, guys. I have even better news on that front, but I am so paranoid that it's ALL not going to work out that I'm going to keep quiet about it a little longer. Do you guys ever get this way when you're about to get something you wished really hard for?

Erin-I read that from my phone and wanted to respond when I got back, but forgot. I at your dh!! I want to meet him. He sounds like a trip!!

And yes, Myles I do get superstitious too...but I want you to share with us anyway.

Thats good to know. If we ever get to the point where have to worry about an unplanned pergnancy I'll have to look into that Are you going to have to go through the 6 months of cramping again because you had a new one inserted?? Or is it just the first time you get it done?

Just the first time. I'm good to go from now till menopause!

I'm glad you got that sorted, Chrissy! My SIL had one done a few years ago and she's never had any children vaginally and she said it was the worst pain in her life....she doesn't have a very high pain tolerance though. We have to wait til after Christmas til my Rich gets 2 all-clear readings from his samples and then hopefully, we're home free for the free lovin'!

I don't really have a high pain tolerance either, but I've given birth so compared with that...well And I went through a period of having intense, heavy cycles (between Sydney and Conner) so that helped me to keep the Mirena insertion in perspective. If she's never had intense cramping, then yeah I could get why she'd say that.

And wow-I didn't realize it would take so long to get the green light. I was just telling Rich on the phone that I didn't think it was fair that I had to go through all this pain and suffering (even though today was mild) just to keep our sexual relationship baby free and I teased him that maybe he should get a vasectomy every year or two just to make it fair.

[Smplyme89]

Whew! My books for school this quarter were only 220 Last semester it was 430 and I haven't been reimbursed from work yet so I was stressing how I was going to buy them!

[missychrissy]

This may be a dumb question but if you're on a BC that causes you to not have a period every month, how do you know if you accidentally become pregnant? I mean after a while it would become obvious, but how would you know early on?

If you don't ovulate, you can't get pregnant. But I know what you're saying...if you don't know when your period is going to come, it's hard to know if you've missed one. For me, the first symptoms would be morning sickness.

[Cosmosmom]

Another upside to IF (for me) NO AF! Going on 17months AF free

Yeah that is irritating to deal with AF every single month when it doesn't seem the body wants to get pg. I definitely don't have PCOS as part of the problem. But I also don't have too bad of cycles....pretty short and easy....worst cramps are midcycle at ovulation.

[demigraf]

If you don't ovulate, you can't get pregnant. But I know what you're saying...if you don't know when your period is going to come, it's hard to know if you've missed one. For me, the first symptoms would be morning sickness.

I'm sure you're right about not ovulating. However, I'm proof that you can get pregnant without having your actual period. My LMP before getting pg with B was 1/27/07. I then had about 3 months worth of menstrual cycles (PMS & cramps) but never actually any flow. Finally, I got a BFP in late April. B came out roughly 9 months after that. Weird, huh?

[daylilies]

If you don't ovulate, you can't get pregnant. But I know what you're saying...if you don't know when your period is going to come, it's hard to know if you've missed one. For me, the first symptoms would be morning sickness.

I never had morning sickness with Josh. A few months in I started getting dizzy and tired more often though.

[demigraf]

Switching gears for a sec: mini Secular poll --- something DH & I got into a debate about last night:

Guy and girl meet on an internet dating website. They exchange a couple of polite, friendly emails.

Guy and girl finally speak on the phone. Guy turns out to be both shy and boring, talking only about himself and not asking the girl questions about herself. Girl decides she's not interested.

Over the next couple of weeks the guy calls and writes to the girl, trying to initiate small talk and say he wants to get together sometime. Girl never replies.

The guy feels angry and that she should have told him outright she wasn't interested in him. Girl feels her silence should have been enough of a signal.

Question: Should the girl have sent a message to indicate she no longer wanted to communicate with him?

[missychrissy]

I never had morning sickness with Josh. A few months in I started getting dizzy and tired more often though.

Every pregnancy is different but very few are symptom free. If you end up with one you can be on that "I didn't know I was pregnant" show.

For me, I got nauseous at 5-6 weeks like clockwork.

[missychrissy]

Switching gears for a sec: mini Secular poll --- something DH & I got into a debate about last night:

Guy and girl meet on an internet dating website. They exchange a couple of polite, friendly emails.

Guy and girl finally speak on the phone. Guy turns out to be both shy and boring, talking only about himself and not asking the girl questions about herself. Girl decides she's not interested.

Over the next couple of weeks the guy calls and writes to the girl, trying to initiate small talk and say he wants to get together sometime. Girl never replies.

The guy feels angry and that she should have told him outright she wasn't interested in him. Girl feels her silence should have been enough of a signal.

Question: Should the girl have sent a message to indicate she no longer wanted to communicate with him?

imo, if they only met online and talked that one time on the phone, then no. If they had exchanged PM's/emails/whatever for a while (days/weeks) before talking on the phone then the polite thing for her to do would be to say she wasn't interested. Would I? Probably not. I'd go with hoping he'd get the hint from my silence.

Actually, I could see myself playing it either way. I can also be pretty frank too. So I dunno. Silence is definitely a sure sign 'he's just not that into you' so it can go the other way. I still say the nice thing to do would be say so.

[daylilies]

LOL Chrissy! I totally believe that could happen to me, if I weren't so small.

Yes, I do believe that girl should have told the guy of her disinterest. If they're mainly talking online there's no way for the guy to know if the girl was sick, or out of town or lost internet access or whatever.

Actually the guy I mentioned I knew when we were kids that I talk to on yahoo now is still heartbroken because of a girl he really liked who suddenly stopped talking to him. She has MS and he even wrote her a snail mail letter with no response. He doesn't have her number though and has no way if she just snubbed him, or if she's ill, or worse.

So yes I would say she should have let him known clearly.

[Bridget]

I don't think she owes him anything since they had so little interaction. But I say that with a huge hidden agenda of justfying my behavior in several instances where I didn't pick up my phone for weeks in fear it was the guy I'd last gone out with.

[Ky'sMom]

Switching gears for a sec: mini Secular poll --- something DH & I got into a debate about last night:

Guy and girl meet on an internet dating website. They exchange a couple of polite, friendly emails.

Guy and girl finally speak on the phone. Guy turns out to be both shy and boring, talking only about himself and not asking the girl questions about herself. Girl decides she's not interested.

Over the next couple of weeks the guy calls and writes to the girl, trying to initiate small talk and say he wants to get together sometime. Girl never replies.

The guy feels angry and that she should have told him outright she wasn't interested in him. Girl feels her silence should have been enough of a signal.

Question: Should the girl have sent a message to indicate she no longer wanted to communicate with him?

I would say yes. If the guy kept talking about himself non-stop he is more than likely extremely self centered and probably didn't notice the silence. Plus I am also very frank and if I don't want to see someone anymore I will flat out tell them, but in a nice way but not so nice that they don't get that I'm serious. When I usually don't want to speak to someone anymore I will tell them that we can't hang out anymore and I wish them well with whatever they want to do with their lives. Once I did have to tell someone flat out that I didn't like them and they were not allowed to come to my home anymore. I got a lot of flack for being mean but that person was an a sshole and didn't take my nice break up seriously.

Erin

[Smplyme89]

Yeah that is irritating to deal with AF every single month when it doesn't seem the body wants to get pg. I definitely don't have PCOS as part of the problem. But I also don't have too bad of cycles....pretty short and easy....worst cramps are midcycle at ovulation.

What a pita

Switching gears for a sec: mini Secular poll --- something DH & I got into a debate about last night:

Guy and girl meet on an internet dating website. They exchange a couple of polite, friendly emails.

Guy and girl finally speak on the phone. Guy turns out to be both shy and boring, talking only about himself and not asking the girl questions about herself. Girl decides she's not interested.

Over the next couple of weeks the guy calls and writes to the girl, trying to initiate small talk and say he wants to get together sometime. Girl never replies.

The guy feels angry and that she should have told him outright she wasn't interested in him. Girl feels her silence should have been enough of a signal.

Question: Should the girl have sent a message to indicate she no longer wanted to communicate with him?

They only talked on the phone once?? No the girl has no obligation, her not responding should have been a big hint!

[daylilies]

I know I have more experience with meeting people online than the average person but I would be (and have been) crushed and pissed off if someone I'd been talking to and liked suddenly dropped off the face of the earth without explanation.
Maybe I'm looking at this too subjectively.

[AbbeysMom]

Switching gears for a sec: mini Secular poll --- something DH & I got into a debate about last night:

Guy and girl meet on an internet dating website. They exchange a couple of polite, friendly emails.

Guy and girl finally speak on the phone. Guy turns out to be both shy and boring, talking only about himself and not asking the girl questions about herself. Girl decides she's not interested.

Over the next couple of weeks the guy calls and writes to the girl, trying to initiate small talk and say he wants to get together sometime. Girl never replies.

The guy feels angry and that she should have told him outright she wasn't interested in him. Girl feels her silence should have been enough of a signal.

Question: Should the girl have sent a message to indicate she no longer wanted to communicate with him?

Yes, because it's more painful to be rejected through the silent treatment than in well-worded letter/email. Hearing "You're a great person, but I didn't feel anything" hurts, but IMO it hurts less than being ignored. That feels kind of cold, KWIM?

[missychrissy]

Yes, because it's more painful to be rejected through the silent treatment than in well-worded letter/email. Hearing "You're a great person, but I didn't feel anything" hurts, but IMO it hurts less than being ignored. That feels kind of cold, KWIM?

I agree. You're right. Letting him know is the nice/right thing to do.

[Gwenn]

Those of you who say she should have let him know are probably right, however I probably would have gone with the silent treatment and hoped he picked up on it. However, if he kept trying to contact me after being ignored once or twice I would probably have replied to let him know I wasn't interested.

As far as ironing - I never iron. I try to hang things up before they wrinkle, or toss them in the dryer to fluff as needed. I have a tendency to buy button down shirts and then never wear them because they are wrinkly and I just can't fluff them straight. Erin, your DH would be appalled at me.

And I went for about 7 years without a dryer. I tried line drying and it just didn't work for me - everything was crispy and hard and I couldn't get anything soft without ironing (okay, I did iron a few times in those days). I wound up giving up in defeat and doing wash at my mom's house.

And Jennifer, I'm surprised your clothes wrinkle less when you don't dry them. I had the opposite experience - then again, the climate here is super dry and sucks all the moisture out of everything immediately. Seriously, I can line-dry a comforter in half a day here. So maybe in a moister climate things are naturally a little more flexible so don't wrinkle as much. I may just live in a very line-drying unfriendly climate. I'll never go back to it - sorry, treehuggers.

Birth control - at this point I can't imagine ever using it, even after a couple of kids. At my age once I've had a couple of children I'll be past 40 and hopefully menopause will come soon. I was surprised to hear the RE say it was a shame I couldn't use birth control (because of my clotting factor) as it helped prevent certain cancers - I've come to think of hormonal birth control as completely unnecessary for me.

[girlwonder]

I don't think she owes him anything since they had so little interaction. But I say that with a huge hidden agenda of justfying my behavior in several instances where I didn't pick up my phone for weeks in fear it was the guy I'd last gone out with.

My thoughts exactly!

If it were me I wouldn't bother letting him know I wasn't interested and would just let my silence speak for me. I did that a lot when I was dating. I don't think a girl is obliged in any way just because a guy wants something from her.