hi ladies. ok.
it went something like this.
around 4 on tuesday afternoon john hodgman posted the following on twitter: "Please note: also performing at the Jon Glaser event tonight at the Bell House are: Paul Rudd, Jon Hamm, Scott Adsit, and Ira Kaplan."
bombs exploded. have never looked up anything so fast on google before. turned out event was free plus K really likes jon glaser so i proposed that we go and K said that it would be greatest night of our young lives.
arrived super early to the bell house, front lounge was closed so we just stood in nondescript waiting area with a few hipster guys, two fangirls (i hated them immediately) and this weird chubby guy in a bright yellow jacket who tried to engage K in conversation over the relative merits of measuring temperature in celsius vs. fahrenheit. i chewed multiple sticks of gum in feverish anticipation of crushing fangirl skull on the way to the front row.
got second row seats and K went to go buy the book that inspired the event. weird guy with yellow jacket sat front row center. he would eventually give several awkward standing ovations.
not sure if you've seen jon glaser's show on adult swim (delocated) but he plays a character in the witness protection program who has to go around with a balaclava and altered voice so watching him talk with his face exposed was unusually unusual. he explained that he'd have his friends read parts of his new book which finally explained what all those people listed in hodgman's tweet would be doing.
ira kaplan came out first and because nobody recognized him he got a pretty sad, lukewarm reception. it would have helped if he'd said something like "i'm the guy from yo la tengo". john hodgman was next, then zoe lister-jones who was super cute (i hated her immediately), then scott adsit who was exactly like his character on 30 rock, then jon hamm (i died, i just perished in my seat, he was so comely and his hair was perfect), then paul rudd who looked schlubby but that only made him rise higher in my estimation and his reading was the funniest (he did accents). i was crying laughter tears.
after the show we got a drink and watched as scott adsit posed for photos with people and todd barry sulked around friendless even though he's on the show with jon glaser. everyone else was in a backstage room i could see during the show. the best/saddest moment was when i watched todd barry try to go backstage but the door was locked so he just jiggled the door handle and then backed off, looking totally dejected.
AND THEN JON HAMM CAME OUT. like, for no ostensible reason and by himself. i decided he must be drunk because he was smiling that goofy smile. K said we had to get pictures. i broke out in a sweat, i suddenly felt that was the most impossible thing. by this time the fangirls had descended with their mad men dvd's for him to sign. K insisted. i stood firm/frozen. the negotiations proceeded as follows:
me to K: "i can't do this, i can't be one of those girls"
K to me: "we have to. i was don draper for halloween two years in a row"
me to K: "that's true and funny. fine. but at least have him sign the chapter he read or else i'll feel stupid"
K to me: "ok"
[we inch toward him]
K to jon hamm a few minutes later as jon hamm signs book: "i was you for halloween two years in a row"
jon hamm to K: "on purpose?"
[i take a picture of them]
me to jon hamm: "can i have one too?"
jon hamm to me: "of course"
me to jon hamm: "i was you for just one halloween haha just kidding"
jon hamm to me: "i should hope so"
[i put my hand on mid-to-lower back like a creep and smile into the camera like a weird, shiny-faced clown]
end scene. wish i could press a button and relive and tweak the moment subtly a la groundhog day until i get to be his friend and for some reason he and his wife like having me over to their house.
wish you guys could have been there, we would have been unstoppable.