Secular Confessions

[Cosmosmom]

Hi Pinkcat! Welcome!


Count me in as impressed of those who go to school with kids and families. I did it the easy way...went directly after high school as a traditional student. I LOVED college...well the first two I didn't like quite as much but I just really loved the third one that I graduated from. An all women's Catholic college. Was there for 3.5 years and if I ever win the lottery, they are on my for sure donation list. I wish that I could have just kept going forever but my parents only gave me 5 years to finish. Took a year off to figure out what to do next....I knew I wanted to go to grad school but was not sure if I wanted to go for philosophy and get my phd or the masters of library science. For a while I also considered sociology. Obviously I went for the library science. I decided that philosophy was going to be too long and I didn't feel like learning to read ancient greek.....I really just wanted to go to school until I had kids and than be a SAHM. Philosophy prof jobs aren't easy to come by so DH didn't like that idea as well either. Now I have found that I really like working and still plan on a kid but not being a SAHM.

But yeah I had it pretty easy as a student. I basically worked part-time....usually 12-16 hours a week on work study. I did some time in the day care center until the director changed and after worked in the library....where I could do homework if it was quite and the shelving was caught up. My dorm room was not huge so easy enough to keep clean. And DH was a student so often when he came over, we would do homework together.
Grad school was part-time and I worked full-time but DH really did a lot of the housework if I was in school that semester and we didn't have any kids to take care of....just Cosmo.

[missychrissy]

I am happy my friend, a guy, could talk some sense into DH and he hasn't done the insulting since that time.

Erin

It probably helped a lot that another guy said the same thing you'd been telling dh for years. Sometimes I hate that....I can say something over and over in different ways, but then someone else comes along and says the same thing and bingo! It makes sense! lol...Men!!

One thing I personally have to learn is that kids can get over fears or difficulties all on their own (or at least without parents pushing them)

That's true too and sometimes even I forget that. This whole potty thing with Conner is really stressing me out and I'm sure the way I act about it isn't helping him at all. He did admit he was scared to sit on the potty, even the little one, so I have to figure out how to make that less scary for him. The trouble is, I could sit with him-I'm very willing to do that-but he likes to poop in private. Being scared to sit on a potty while needing to poop alone is quite the quandary to figure out. I just reassured Conner that it's ok, the potty isn't scary, and I said that when he's ready to try let me know. I'm just going to keep talking to him about it randomly and encouragingly and try to alleviate his fears.

I knew I wanted to go to grad school but was not sure if I wanted to go for philosophy and get my phd or the masters of library science.

The philosophy dept is one that I support! They're a fruity bunch!! lol

[Smplyme89]

I believe in supporting children in what they do WELL, NOT point out what they lack in. My dad was always that way and I hated. Ignore the fact that I make straight A's was in honors classes and instead focus on the fact that I'm not physical active or good with my hands

Erin I write essays pretty well, as long as its something that interests me My GPA was like 3.4-3.6 somewhere in that range. I keep trying to remember the scholarship website they gave me last time and I'm coming up blank. Hm... Guess I need to utilize Google!

[Cosmosmom]

Aww poor Savana. It's hard when you are not the most coordinated kid in the world. I was that kid and didn't learn to ride my two wheeler until I was 7...when all my friends in the neighborhood were riding theirs a good year or two.

I hope that DH isn't the insulting kind of dad. I don't think that he will be and I will definitely point it out if he does. His stepdad (from when he was 9 until 23) was very insulting...to the point of being abusive. I know that he's not the type to lie at all...ever. In 13 years I have never even heard so much as a tiny white lie come out of him. Example would be I don't see him telling our kid that something is the most fanastic wonderful piece of art he has ever seen....instead he would say something like, I really like the colors in this drawing or I really like how much work you put into it.
I think that DH is very sensitive (though doesn't pick up on hints...I learned early early on to just come out and say something instead of hinting around)....that if I told him he hurt kids feelings, he would feel really bad. He does if I say he hurt my feelings. Or if I told him that he was acting like the evil stepdad (thankfully he's dead...MIL and I hate him and I never even saw his bad side personally).

[Cosmosmom]

Kate, are you in line to get hit by Irene? I don't think that anyone else in here is along the coast right? Chrissy, are you guys looking at getting a bunch of rain from it?

Hurricanes seem very scary to me....not something I have gone through having lived in Wisconsin my whole life!

[missychrissy]

We're just going to get heavy rain. Sunday I think.

[3andMe]

I don't think there is anything wrong in showing a child that another child is doing something. It can make even a routine activity look interesting and fun. You know how when one kid starts playing with a toy, all of a sudden everyone wants to play with that toy? It's usually Dads that get all competetive, though, and start insisting that if my DD can swing independently, that their kids MUST start doing it right away and their voices get more insistent and they say things like "No, I told you, put your legs forward, then back, then forward again. You have to keep moving them. MOVE them, I said. Are you not watching how that girl does it? SHE is doing it! Just WATCH her!" and then I see their little faces crumple and the whole magical swinging with Daddy experience is totally ruined as their Dads are angry and disappointed in them for not doing it right. It's pretty much always Dads. When Moms point out how DD is swinging, it tends to be more instructional. Bleh. It's making me all sad just thinking about the number of times it's happened.

[missychrissy]

I get what you're saying L. I think we've all seen that sort of thing. It is awful to witness.

A few weeks ago I heard a dad spanking his son on the sidewalk. It was a narrow one-way street and his hollering was echoing all up and down the block. I clearly heard the thwacks as he smacked him 2-3 times. I left the parking lot and stood in the sidewalk and glared at the guy. I didn't know what else to do but I desperately wanted to say something. The only reason why I didn't was I was afraid that the father would take his humiliation out on the boy as soon as they were alone. I made my presence known and he stopped instantly. I got back in my car and burst into tears.

[Smplyme89]

Okay, now I'm just really sad I wish there was a way for there to be some sort of competence testing/training BEFORE you could have kids (I know its unrealistic, but its a dream of mine )

[pinkcat1326]

Thanks for the welcome ladies! I am Briana, have been married for 8 years to Micheal, mama to Helen who is currently four.

I came to APA in november 2005 after my first miscarriage. I think the group of ladies in this thread remind me of how it was back then....Helen was born November 06. We are in the process of deciding for more, but our situation is not awesome right now..

Ok, I live in Wilmington, NC and the first winds and rains of Irene are rolling in...power is flickering...wish us luck!

[daylilies]

Hang in there Briana!

I'm still trying to get rid of the mental image of a mom I just saw at Chuck E Cheese. She had tight jeans on that were ripped on both sides right at the bottom of her butt. And she didn't appear to have any thing on in that area. *shudder*


I hope someone cleans off her seat after she leaves...

[demigraf]

LOL, kate.

OK. I lost a few paragraphs I just typed out. I hate my work-issue laptop. The touchpad is just too touchy, and suddenly I find I did something that made me leave my webpage.

I was saying that I am feeling a little guilty reading about the way parents try to "instruct" their kids by pointing out other kids to them. I honestly don't know if I've ever said anything like that aloud, but have definitely thought thoughts like that comparing Bodhi's abilities to another kid. And I'm pretty sure I at least once said something to little T, the boy-who-wouldn't-share, last Sunday along the lines of, "Just watch Bodhi, T. He'll show you the way he shares." I'm also pretty sure one of the parents was in earshot when I said it; I was very exasperated at that point with the way they weren't addressing the "Nyah, nyahs" and was half-consciously criticizing their parenting. Looking back, maybe they'll be the ones who pass on playdating with US after hearing me say that. In principle, I totally agree with everything you girls say on this topic. I know I tend to be didactic at times, and thus a little annoying. I know I annoy myself. Always room for improvement, I s'pose.

L, I know this isn't the same as your experience in Thailand, but in India at 19, I spent a few days at a hotel helping the owner tout tourists at the train station. Not terribly proud of that. I was very lost at the time, and hung onto anyone I felt even the slightest connection with. I mean, I was so out of my element, I couldn't motivate to see a lot of the cool sights that were right there, and preferred to hide out in local merchant shops or the hotel lobby with people who would talk to me. I don't think I'd be like that today, but I guess you have to stretch yourself with things that scare you in order to get past your fears.

[AmeriBrit]

LOL @ Kate. What an "interesting" sight!

Myles, I know what you mean. A lot of times I come on here and when I read about other people's parenting, I think to myself that I need to be more like them. But it's harder done than said, right? I do have to say, though, that a lot of the advice on here from the secular moms have helped me to be a better parent. Take for instance today, the nephews were over and had brought some of their own toy cars; there was an obvious fight over them, but I kept my calm and delegated the behavior really well (whereas before I would have just been quick to exasperation!)

You guys, I got added to an Expat women's group on FB a few weeks ago; at first, I thought, 'hey, this will be a good way to meet other expats in the area,' but gee whiz, some of these women are just so judgmental and quite a few are really negative about living abroad. Now a lot of them are turning on each other and bickering at one another. I think I'm going to remove myself from the group because I just can't be bothered with people like that.

[missychrissy]

Thanks for the welcome ladies! I am Briana, have been married for 8 years to Micheal, mama to Helen who is currently four.

I came to APA in november 2005 after my first miscarriage. I think the group of ladies in this thread remind me of how it was back then....Helen was born November 06. We are in the process of deciding for more, but our situation is not awesome right now..

Ok, I live in Wilmington, NC and the first winds and rains of Irene are rolling in...power is flickering...wish us luck!

You'll have to keep us posted on how it goes. I'll be thinking of you!! (I've been a member here as long as you!)

...I'm pretty sure I at least once said something to little T, the boy-who-wouldn't-share, last Sunday along the lines of, "Just watch Bodhi, T. He'll show you the way he shares."

I think that's a different context. Sometimes kids do learn better by mirroring what their peers are doing. It's really all about the word choices and your tone of voice. Dads, it seems, do it more in a competitive, belittling way.

You guys, I got added to an Expat women's group on FB a few weeks ago; at first, I thought, 'hey, this will be a good way to meet other expats in the area,' but gee whiz, some of these women are just so judgmental and quite a few are really negative about living abroad. Now a lot of them are turning on each other and bickering at one another. I think I'm going to remove myself from the group because I just can't be bothered with people like that.

Ugh, that sounds awful. I don't have the patience for that sort of thing either. I had tried to join a parenting forum because I felt I had outgrown the 'pregnancy' phase, but it was similar to what you described. Lots of debating and not a lot of support. It's hard to find a good 'fit' even online.

[missychrissy]

Oh, and Kate...I used to have a pair of jeans that were ripped right below my arse cheek. I was 19 and 110 lbs though, so I still think I pulled it off as well as something like that can be pulled off.

[Cosmosmom]

Ashley, are you far from London?

I look forward to being able to talk parenting with some actual experience under my belt (other than my dog or all the child care I did). Course I will be the perfect parent anyway.

One of the kids I took care of a baby is coming up to my place tonight! She is going to be a senior in high school this year and driving up with my sister (who calls J the little sister she never had). God that makes me feel old when I took care of her every summer she was a baby up until she started school. She was my difficult child....very smart, quick to try to argue with me (and with great logic!), stubborn...but at least I could usually reason with her and avoid tantrums.
OMG...I just realized that I was like a year younger than she is right now when I started babysitting her!

[Cosmosmom]

Briana stay safe! Hope that you guys don't have too much damage and can keep the electric on.

[daylilies]

Kate, are you in line to get hit by Irene? I don't think that anyone else in here is along the coast right? Chrissy, are you guys looking at getting a bunch of rain from it?

Hurricanes seem very scary to me....not something I have gone through having lived in Wisconsin my whole life!

Yeah, as usual they have no idea where it will hit and are showing us like 4 various paths. But nobody here seems to be boarding anything up or escaping from town so I don't think it will be bad.

Oh, and Kate...I used to have a pair of jeans that were ripped right below my arse cheek. I was 19 and 110 lbs though, so I still think I pulled it off as well as something like that can be pulled off.

Yeah...she was not that young and not that skinny. LOL

[missychrissy]

Yeah...she was not that young and not that skinny. LOL

[Smplyme89]

Stay safe Briana!!

[AmeriBrit]

Jennifer, we're about 2.5 hours north (by train) of London.

Briana, I hope the hurricane does not affect you at all! Stay safe, lady!

We just had our traditional Friday night pizza and now I want dessert!

[3andMe]

Welcome, Briana. I have noticed you as a fellow migraine sufferer.

Mylah, I think you might be reading too much into my story about the dads and the swings. There is plenty of room for instruction in making observational comments about how other kids do things. It's all in the delivery, and getting all competetive and angry and how-come-you-can't-do-this-ridiculously-easy-thing and making it seem like it would be so easy if they could just watch once and do it so why aren't they just doing it already darn it is completely different than pointing out how another child is doing something and doesn't that look neat? You could try that too! Sharing is something we all can do! Taking turns is something two people can do together! Like I said, the moms tend to be instructional and the dads tend to be competetive and ruin the whole thing.

DD has been so sweet to me lately. She said (in front of dh), "Wow Mommy, the house looks so clean today. Did you spend all day cleaning while we were in school?" I told her I had. And then she said, "And I really like that shirt you are wearing. You look so nice and pretty." Dh glowered at her behind her back for a moment, and I read his mind because he was thinking "Thanks for making me look like a chump, kid," and then he added, "Yeah, the house does look nice." I think he might have wondered if I put her up to it, but I didn't.

[daylilies]

LOL! Don't you hate it when they say something sweet and DH thinks you put them up to it...happens a lot around here too.


Josh is all about eating well and living to be all the numbers in the world and being best friends forever lately...IDK what brought it on but he won't eat pizza or anything too junky anymore. In fact he didn't even want pizza at Chuck E Cheese's today-he asked for a salad!

DH once in a while will get a pizza and eat half of it in one sitting which Josh gives him grief about. But I'm trying to diet again, so Josh's attitude is really helping me!

[AmeriBrit]

LOL, 3andme. What a sweet little girl! I'm glad she put your DH in his place! Ha!

Can I whine about my first world problems to y'all for a minute? I've mentioned to y'all before that we're going to have a tough financial year this year because I'm training to get back in to teaching; we've planned to do this awhile but we've had some set backs that have made it harder on us. And now to make us feel even poorer than we already feel, the BIL has got a promotion and bought 2 new cars for him and SIL and they've booked a cruise for them and MIL&FIL next year. They've invited us to go along, but it's just not going to happen for us....I feel so petty for feeling a tiny bit jealous. We always say we're happy how we are in that we see each other a lot and we don't have high stress jobs whereas BIL rarely sees his kids for working so much and is very materialstic....yet, it still stings a little when you see people enjoying nice holidays and things....petty, I know...sigh.

[Cosmosmom]

Oh L that was so cute of DD!!!! Very sweet.

We're having pizza tonight also! I have done pretty well with points this week so I have some room for some pizza. Least I like just cheese....helps not liking the high fat meats like sausage and pepperoni.

I'm so antsy at work today. This is only my first full week in like a month because we had gone to Milwaukee two weeks so those were short weeks at work and last week was only four days as I was having the home study. (hey that was a week ago and she said 5-6 weeks to get us on the books and being shown to birth parents...now it would only be 4-5 weeks!!!).
It's fairly quite a lot of times on Fridays and it looks super nice outside. I feel badly having such great weather when so many are going to be suffering with the hurricane.

Anyone else read the series Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants....there was recently a book released that is like 10 years later and the girls are about to turn 30. Not at all what I had been expecting. Interesting direction it went in.

[missychrissy]

Awww, that was very sweet L. I love when the kids notice those little things too.

Kate-wtg Josh! I wonder where his fascination with being healthy is coming from?

Ash-I can totally sympathize. I think what you're feeling it normal. It's not that you don't want them to not have those things, but you'd like some too. There's nothing wrong with that. And one day you'll have it too. Plus you'll both still have time for your kids.

[Cosmosmom]

Ashley, I think that we all want stuff we don't have right now but see others having. I would want to be going on that cruise too!


So, so far the agency has gotten around to putting four waiting families online. I know that others will be doing it but it's taking a while because it's brand new. And of course I can't help to check it out every so many days and see if anyone new is up and compare us to them. Well today it said one couple had been placed!!! And it was the one that I thought would have the hardest time getting a placement. And they were the ones probably the closest to reminding me of DH and I. Gives me hope that someone will see us and pick us over others....well once our letter is officially on the books.
Maybe this time next year we will be at home with little Teddy or Vanessa.
I have already started window shopping car seats, strollers, pack n plays.......

[AmeriBrit]

Maybe this time next year we will be at home with little Teddy or Vanessa.
I have already started window shopping car seats, strollers, pack n plays.......

Fingers crossed for you, Jennifer!

We're currently making a list of all the baby stuff to sell off...lol...getting things listed on e-bay.

[missychrissy]

Maybe this time next year we will be at home with little Teddy or Vanessa.

I really hope so Jennifer.

[Cosmosmom]

Yeah if we got picked right away, I think DH would have a heart attack. Though he said he had a feeling it would be quick. I feel the opposite and that it will take a while. LOL