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Thread: Secular Confessions

  1. #22681
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    3andMe is offline Every day is a gift. It's just... does it have to be a pair of socks? Hopelessly Devoted
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    I expect my children to play nicely together, but I don't mandate sharing either. If a toy is being fought over too much, it goes in time out. Often times, they will come up with their own suggestions about how to solve the problem, like setting a timer for turn-taking. Most of our toys are group toys and they're not allowed to say "this is mine and you can't play with it" but they do have individual special toys that they can keep to themselves and don't need to share at all.

    If we are out and they see someone else's toy, I just tell them it belongs to someone else and they can't have it. Same as at the store and they can't touch stuff we are not going to buy. They are generally really good (with a few reminders) about not being grabby with other people's things, because I have never let them play with other people's things unless they were specifically invited to play with them.


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    It's good to read about what y'all think of the sharing thing; for me, I just want to have one consistent method that I follow so that I'm not confusing Travis about sharing. I think I'll do like some of you have mentioned about putting special toys away if they can't be shared and not force the sharing. I always do tell Travis that I know it's not an easy thing for him to share but that it is a good thing....I don't know how much of that sinks in with him, though. I think my bigger issue with my nephew is his major aggression. He is a really angry little 2 year old; even more so than your normal 2 year old and it's stressful for everyone when he's around, unfortunately.

    Another little black cloud that is hanging around our homefront is money issues. When we moved, we didn't plan to have to use any of our savings to remortgage but because I had gone from full time to part time working since the last mortgage, the bank required that we pay $20,000 to even keep our mortgage with them...so that was pretty much nearly all our savings...so, me not working now is really taking a big hit on our lifestyle....our problem is that we haven't cut back as much as we should, so we're still spending like we have a double income, though we are trying to be better about luxuries. I absolutely hate the feeling right now that we can't afford certain things....like SIL is talking about our yearly Spain trips and I'm pretty sure that won't be happening for us next year. So, I think I'll be looking at doing some type of part-time work soon since I can't stand all these money issues! I'll hopefully be teaching next year and we always knew that this year would be the hardest to do the training program and be living on a reduced income, but it sure does suck actually living it right now.

  3. #22683

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    Quote Originally Posted by bridgetwu75 View Post
    I am going to be really annoying here and just say that it is actually developmentally appropriate for a toddler to not want to share.
    I must have been unclear. I don't think this is true either. Almost as much as I hate to see a parent not follow through on discipline stuff, I really hate it when a parent forces a child to share a toy just because another kid wants it. What I am talking about is when a kid comes over with a special toy that they have no intention of sharing and then dangle it in front of my daughter and taunt her with it. At that point I don't force the other kid to share (won't work) but I do ask them firmly to please put the toy away if they won't be sharing it with others and then I help them find a good place to put it away. I don't think that is asking too much developmentally. And then I distract with something else.

    "Any idiot can face a crisis; it is this day-to-day living that wears you out." -Anton Chekhov


  4. #22684
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    Absolutely, Katy, that's different. You'd think they'd tell them not to taunt. Travis does have special things he doesn't have to share but when he's at his grandma's and playing with the toys she has there for all the grandchildren, I make sure he knows he has to take turns.

    Mta. Part of our problem is that we live next door to the in-laws, so Travis kind of thinks he lives there and owns everything there, too.
    Last edited by AmeriBrit; 08-22-2011 at 10:28 AM.

  5. #22685

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    I don't think you're being annoying, Bridget. Your rationale is sound, and I completely agree that it's not expected at this age for kids to be able to share. I often make a point of telling Bodhi how hard it is to share and give him huge reward/praise when he does do it. It sounds like we're mostly all in agreement here, but there's a variation in the way the concept gets framed. I like the way you label the objects in dispute being removed as "important" to the child (though I'd have a hard time saying that with a straight face when Bodhi's playing tug o' war with his poop splattered shorts); I think I'll try that at some point. And when the child who isn't ready to share sees the "important" thing being put away, does that go over well?

    I've never grabbed something from one kid and put it in another kid's hand, because I think that's an injustice. With B, I try to emphasize the positive aspects of sharing - "It's more fun to play with toys when you share, when both of you are happy." and "Look at D. D is unhappy. This isn't fun, is it? It doesn't make mommy happy to see him unhappy. Let's find a toy that makes everybody happy." True, this is sometimes met by that look toddlers get when something is happening that they're not comfortable with but feel compelled to just go along with it. But I guess I'm just comfortable with that moment of discomfort as long as I'm shepherding him through the interaction until it's moved into calmer waters. I do think the concept is sinking in, because B can articulate what is good about sharing. "Look mommy, A stop crying." when he parts with the toy his little girlfriend wanted. That makes me smile.

    The thing that I find difficult with those exchanges is that the refusal to share is often accompanied by other behaviors that I feel need correcting. It's very hard to find the sweet spot where you're not punishing the developmentally appropriate stuff while discouraging the behaviors that they're ready to work on. I hope B doesn't see the toy being taken away as punishment. It's usually more like, "this isn't making you happy anymore" followed by a quick distraction. And in little T's case, it's the whole "Nyah, nyah, nyah" cwap that his parents don't seem to feel is a correctable offense that's totally unacceptable. I'd be striking that behavior down toot sweets if it were my kid doing it. Thankfully, B has never been a taunter.

    Long story short, I think I'm gonna pass on playdating with this kid until something gives. I mean, obviously, if the mom needs a friend and T has to be there, I won't refuse because I love my friend. But the taunting stuff has gotta end.

  6. #22686

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    Every time I try to multi-quote, the browser crashes on me. Is it just my machine or does anyone else have this problem?

    Anyhoo, L, I'm really interested to hear how your children got to the point where they accepted the rule that all toys are group toys and they're not allowed to say "That's mine. You can't have it." How did the process go? I am guessing you had to suppress some toddler uprisings while you were teaching that rule to them ;), and wonder if there were any pain points in the process. Or maybe not. LOL. I sort of imagine them just nodding and saying OK the first time you taught the rule, because you and your kids are so mellow.

    Oh, and *snort* about the siggy. I imagine there are some mods who wouldn't take to kindly to the portrayal.

    Ash, on the finances front, I'm sorry. . I can definitely relate. Not only did we go from being DINKs to having the single income of 1 start-up business, but we moved to one of the chintziest zip codes in the area when we first moved up here. I did feel some pressure - not to keep up with the Joneses, but to feel unaffected by our new financial picture. So I didn't always spend within reason. The silver lining there I guess is that you pick up some good habits once you finally make the adjustment. And the next thing you know, you're going back to work and are spending/saving at a really good rate because of the habits you picked up from the lean days. It just stinks to be in the lean days. We're not exactly out of them ourselves.
    Last edited by demigraf; 08-22-2011 at 05:10 PM.

  7. #22687
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    Just wanted to pop in and say I've been stalking, but have been having alot going on (issues with school ) so I haven't had time to respond in an intelligent manner Just wanted to pop in and let you all know that I am watching

    Things are a little crazy, but I'm loving every minute of it My Blog


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    Hi Christina! Hope things slow down for you soon. How's the lo?

    When I said that I haven't been as great with follow through with Conner as I was with the girls, I like to think I'm not as bad as 'those' parents. Definitely if I say we're not going to the park because xyz, then we don't go. But I do give him too many chances with things like wetting his pants instead of going potty. I'm not sure what my deal is. I need to get a grip on it because I'm not doing him any favors. Not that I punish him for peeing his pants, but I've told him before that if he doesn't use the potty when he's on the computer he'll have to get off immediately even if he's not done. I've let that slide. More than once.

    Mama to Bobbie 20 ~ Jesi 18 ~ Syd 14 ~ Conner 6
    I'm gonna be a Gramama! Jesi is due 11/22/13


  9. #22689

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    I think you couldn't possibly be as bad as "those" parents, Chrissy.

    Hi, Christina.

  10. #22690

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    Chrissy, we all have our moments. No one is perfect. I feel like I am pretty good with the follow through but the one thing I struggle with is getting Savana to keep her room clean. Oy. That is a battle I hate having.
    As for when kids learn that toys are for sharing I am not sure. Savana still has a really hard time. But I'm pretty sure she has other issues that make relenquishing control very hard for her. Kai loves to share because that is just his personality. He makes an announcement to anyone that comes through our house that they do NOT have to ask to use his stuff.
    I am thinking that some parents witnessing me interact with Savana regarding sharing her stuff would think that I should make her share. I have wondered myself. But most of the time when I let her decide, and tell her that I trust her, she comes around and decided to share on her own. She is nearly six so old enough to understand that it's the right thing to do but I still don't like to force things.
    I do very much agree that taunting is different and really shouldn't be okay.

  11. #22691
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    Hi, guys. I'm reading over this about sharing and just laughing quietly to myself not at any of you but at how often it happens that parents fill out our case history forms and say "yes" to the question "Can your child share toys?" and then we see the child (and also his big brother and/or little sister) and the child CAN NOT share. That one in particular seems to be a major mismatch.

    Definitely it isn't developmentally appropriate to share, but I do like to model good sharing behavior while also reducing temptation for things to go haywire. I hate when I see kids taunt - usually that behavior coincides with kids that I find super challenging behaviorally.

    As far as dogs taunting, Gwennie taunts Nero with her chewies. I always give both of them a treat at the same time so everything is equal, but Nero downs his in less than a minute (rawhide!) and Gwennie likes to savor hers and he paces back and forth wanting hers, too. They both know he will get in big trouble if he steals it from her so I have witnessed her taunting him, and she even gets a little cocky about it! I don't blame her in that situation, though. I think I might do the same thing. If she does taunt, though, we usually take it away from her in exchange for a belly rub and she gets it again later when he gets a fresh one. She's good about it and trusts us to give it back.
    Last edited by Gwenn; 08-22-2011 at 06:04 PM.
    Me (40) DH (47) & furbabies * m/c 7/08 4/12 11/12

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    My DD can be bad about taunting. Not with toys, but if I tell them both to use the bathroom and clean up before dinner, DS tends to be in the not listening, must be told 3-4-5-6-10 times phase and DD will run to the bathroom and say "Ha ha, I got here first!" and THEN of course DS will feel like he suddenly needs to bolt to the bathroom with alacrity and go immediately and he stands at the baby gate and cries that she got there first. So of course I have to tell DD that she is not being nice (and I've actually been revisiting 1-2-3 Magic so I tell her "That's one for teasing") and I remind DS that he wasn't fast enough and that he can wait his turn.

    As far as sharing and learning that all of our toys are group toys, that's just pretty much the way it's always been. We have two of a lot of things, or similar things. We have two dolls. We have a lot of cars and trains and coloring books. We have several different ride-on toys. If one is particularly in demand, I tell them to take turns or find a different one to play with. When they have a birthday or Christmas, a lot of the presents are to both of them, or they have semi-matching presents. I was appalled recently when our friend gave DD a pillow pet but gave DS a train engine that didn't fit our tracks. It seemed like it would be trouble, but it's been okay. They're just used to everything being a group toy. Only a few things belong to them individually, and that's just started recently.


  13. #22693
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    I was thinking of taunting with toys/objects and not "I got there first" comments. I think most kids do that at some point.
    Me (40) DH (47) & furbabies * m/c 7/08 4/12 11/12

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    I'm the first to post today!!!!








    Mama to Bobbie 20 ~ Jesi 18 ~ Syd 14 ~ Conner 6
    I'm gonna be a Gramama! Jesi is due 11/22/13


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    3andMe is offline Every day is a gift. It's just... does it have to be a pair of socks? Hopelessly Devoted
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    Nyah nyah nyah!


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    Chrissy I couldn't imagine you as being one of "those" parents. I have always heard the more kids you have the more lax you get

    We go today to get the results for Nolan's cystic fibrosis testing. I am stressing it SO bad. I'm going to fall apart if they tell me he has it. I'm trying to stay optimistic though, my baby boy is perfect and healthy and the doctors are all overly paid, paranoid individuals who don't know what they are talking about

    School starts in a week so I doubt my load is going to lessen anytime soon

    Things are a little crazy, but I'm loving every minute of it My Blog


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    Thinking good thoughts for ya, Christina!

    I'm currently watching Toy Story 3 to see if it's appropriate for Travis to watch. It's a very sad movie. I think I liked the first one better.

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    El posto doubleo
    Last edited by AmeriBrit; 08-23-2011 at 07:43 AM.

  19. #22699
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    Chrissy....too funny! And naughty L taunting you.

    Oh Christina....thinking good thoughts and sending good vibes today that you have a good appt for Nolan!

    Jennifer, 35, DH 36

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    Good thoughts Christina!

    Toy Story 3 was incredibly sad and scary. I didn't care for it at all. 1 was the best but 2 was pretty good too.

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    Yeah, it's a no go for Toy Story 3! Poor Travis is struggling with a bout of constipation. I'm taking him to the doctor in an hour. I hate seeing him suffer, my poor baby boy.

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    Thanks for the good thoughts ladies, I appreciate it.

    Poor Travis I hope the doctors can help him feel better

    Things are a little crazy, but I'm loving every minute of it My Blog


  23. #22703

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    I also hope little N will have a good appointment Christina!

    And Elle is into taunting over weird things. I figure she just likes to sing in a taunting type of voice. She will frequently get soemthing she likes to eat and will sing "I have some cherries" over and over and dance and show them to Ky (who also has cherries which is why I don't consider it taunting. She will shake her butt and everything. It is pretty hilarious. She also does this about toys though and I figure other people seeing her doing it will think she is showing off or taunting but I truly believe she is just happy and so she is expressing her happiness.

    I haven't seen Toy Story 3 yet. Ky has seen it at the Boys and Girls club and he said it wasn't too sad. He is usually pretty sensitive but is getting more of a tougher shell lately. I miss his sensitivity sometimes. He is also not extremely scared of bugs anymore. We have these huge beetle/roach bugs in the south that live outside and will run in the house. My crazy DH didn't fully close one of our doors on Friday night (and like I have said before we live in a not that great neighborhood so this was a big deal to me, especially since he likes to complain when I forget to lock one of our 4 locks on one of the two front doors we have, one is a metal screen door to prevent a breakin, he closed and locked that door but not the actual front door) and when Ky got up he said about 5 of the beetle/roach/thingies (as I call them) were all in the living room on the carpet and on the entertainment stand (yuck!). Ky didn't even scream. I had to tell him how impressed I was. He used to scream every time he saw one. I have had to repeat over and over that, yes, bugs are gross, but we are bigger than them and can easily kill them LOL. He also used to scream about little spiders. He got spooked by one recently in his bathroom in the corner of the ceiling, but he didn't panic like he used to do and instead was hell bent on killing the sucker, so much so that DH got upset that it was taking him so long to take a shower. He had been trying to kill the little spider for over 30 minutes, and told him he better get in the shower. Luckily Ky killed it in that instant.

    Erin
    Last edited by Ky'sMom; 08-23-2011 at 10:00 AM.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Smplyme89 View Post
    Chrissy I couldn't imagine you as being one of "those" parents. I have always heard the more kids you have the more lax you get

    We go today to get the results for Nolan's cystic fibrosis testing. I am stressing it SO bad. I'm going to fall apart if they tell me he has it. I'm trying to stay optimistic though, my baby boy is perfect and healthy and the doctors are all overly paid, paranoid individuals who don't know what they are talking about

    School starts in a week so I doubt my load is going to lessen anytime soon
    Good luck. I really wish I could give you more than cyber hugs.

    Mama to Bobbie 20 ~ Jesi 18 ~ Syd 14 ~ Conner 6
    I'm gonna be a Gramama! Jesi is due 11/22/13


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    Erin that cracks me up about Ky and bugs! My brother was the same way! Now he's Mr Tough Guy() who still runs from his big sister

    Only 2 more hours til his appointment, I am completely distracted and getting very little "productive" work done

    Things are a little crazy, but I'm loving every minute of it My Blog


  26. #22706
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    We're back from our appointment. Not anything major, just have to keep up with the Miralax until he poos.

    I'm off to zumba in a little bit and I just ate my dinner so now I feel sickly.

  27. #22707
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    We're back from our appointment. Not anything major, just have to keep up with the Miralax until he poos.

    I'm off to zumba in a little bit and I just ate my dinner so now I feel sickly.

  28. #22708

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    Christina, I'm hoping the best for you and little N! Big squeezy hugs to you both.

    Ash, I hope everything, um, comes out ok with the Miralax and all. LOL. Happy zumba-ing. Do the Angry Charleston for me.

    Oh, Erin, that whole paragraph about he buggies made my skin crawl. I once spent a month in Houston with my cousins and they had these roaches that would crawl on me in the middle of the night. And still, I felt like - at 12 yrs old, I was being a prima donna for complaining about the roaches. A few years later, I was on a Greek cruise with nine other of my 15 year old girlfriends, and we had the same problem - huge roaches, so big that the weight of them would wake you up at night...especially if they crawled anywhere near your head. it turned out our cabin was right underneath the ship's galley. Talk about unappetizing. They sprayed our room, but wouldn't move us. It was awful.

    ************BEGIN THE LONG OPTIONAL PART OF POST THAT YOU DON'T HAVE TO READ************

    I'm not in a good place today. My knees hurt from spin biking in, I think, the wrong position. I felt dumb at work yesterday (which I'm supposed to - I know, I know)...

    And I got an upset, near-hysterical message from one of my tenants, to whom I'd sent a message last week about her dogs. She was always a bit of a nervous wreck, and we knew she was a financial risk anyway because she had a house in foreclosure and bad credit, but her roommate/ex-husband (another story there) had good history, so we accepted them as tenants. Basically, she disclosed only 3 dogs on her rental application, but later showed me she had a cat and one extra dog. I didn't say anything at the time because there were no issues then.

    Since then, my other tenants in the next house over gave me an earful about how dog neighbor always leaves 2 of her 4 dogs in the garage, and they're concerned for their welfare. But then, I should have considered the source of the complaint - this couple, the other tenants - as much as we love them and they've been our tenants 8 years - are not very assertive. They tend to complain to me about things beyond my control that they should be addressing for themselves - kids leaving condoms in their mailbox, a crazy man cutting branches from their tree and leaving them in their yard, notes they get from other neighbors who mistakenly think they're leaving out their garbage cans in the alley when it's not their cans. So this time, they not only complained to me, but also hung their heads in shame because they'd felt bad about recommending the dog lady as a tenant. And Steve was really moved by this, and kind of overreacted (to me), getting hot under the collar. He insisted *I* talk to the dog tenant about it. I said fine, but it has to be in writing so we have the communication trail. I needed to write them anyway about other things.


    So I sort of let DH & other tenants push me into writing her with more strong language than I should have if I'd stopped to consider our priorities. What alarmed me the most was that she said she might move if it couldn't be resolved to my satisfaction, because honestly, her house is the one that's more stressful to find tenants for, as it's more costly, and we need to charge x amount to cover the mortgage. While as much as we love the other tenants, they are UNDER paying below market for their house. Honestly, it would be tough to lose either one of them. Anyway, I wrote her this letter:


    Finally, as I mention above, we really do enjoy having you as our tenants and want to keep you. So when there are any issues, we want to remedy them in a way that maintains your satisfaction. With that in mind, I have to share with you that I got a complaint from one of the neighbors (who wished to stay nameless) in the area, who spoke to me while we were down there. That neighbor had serious concerns about the dogs s/he hears every time s/he comes near the garage on the property. The neighbor was worried for 2 reasons: 1) the noise from the dogs barking and 2) the welfare of the animals, given that they appear to be frustrated with their confinement in the garage. S/he was very unhappy, but after I spoke with him/her, the neighbor will not file a nuisance complaint to either animal control or LAPD. I made assurances, however, that I'd talk to you about the dogs and fix the problem.

    You disclosed only 2 dogs when you completed the rental agreement, so technically you're in violation of the agreement by having any additional pets in the house. We do want to work with you on this issue, though, and look upon the removal of any additional animals on the property as a last resort. So going forward, we feel the best thing for you to do in this situation is to immediately stop leaving the dogs in the garage, finding an alternate location for them that will pose no nuisance to neighbors, no threat to their welfare, and no damage to our property. Consider creating a safe run for them outdoors in the side yard with lots of toys to distract them (pet stores will be able to help with suggestions on setting one up), and additionally, using crates indoors and out with your animals. Here is some more information on crates, which we have used with our own dogs: http://www.humanesociety.org/animals..._training.html

    As I previously mentioned, relationships with your neighbors regarding your pets is for you to manage, but we do want to help in this matter, and it does seem appropriate for us to intervene here when we are receiving the complaints. Please let us know what you've done to address this in a timely manner. We would like confirmation that the dogs are no longer in the garage within a week of receiving this notice.
    I bolded the part I wish I didn't include in the note, because I think that's the part that overstepped our bounds.

    She was upset on the call because I'd said she disclosed 2 dogs when she had disclosed 3 (she has 4), and that she'd shown the extra dog & cat to me and assumed since I didn't say anything, that constituted permission. And she said the whole reason she garaged 2 of the 4 the dogs is because of the story I'd told her about the neighbor next door shooting at our dogs, who'd already sent her 2 nasty notes complaining about the noise.

    I called the dog tenant back and she didn't pick up. I ended up leaving her a placating message (which I recorded and re-recorded over and over until I felt it hit the right notes), saying I just needed to pass the neighbors' concerns on with my recommendations, and I really didn't want to be involved at all. I backed down on insisting the dogs be out of the garage and apologized for not personally talking to her about it (explained how it needed to be in writing, but she's right, I should have given her the courtesy of a call.)

    I think I did my best to control the damage/hurt feelings. But I feel exhausted from the whole exchange. I don't know why. I guess because ultimately this is our finances at stake, and that house is such a burden. I wish we could unload it right now, which we can't because of the market.

    I hate to say it, but I really need to stop listening to DH without consulting myself first. He's the one whose advice I took to buy the house while we weren't married yet when I was having my doubts. ("It's so close to the beach!") He's the one who was all huffy about the tenants and their dogs (even though we never witnessed any problems firsthand and was going on our other tenants' words). I don't want to make him out to be some blowhard, because he can be pretty reasonable most of the time, but sometimes I let myself get swayed by his passions and act without thinking myself.

    OK, there's probably much more detail I could fill in, but I've taken enough of your time (if you read this much anyway). I think I just needed to talk about the yucky, messy exchange with someone to clarify for myself what was bothering me the most about it.

    ************END RANT*********************
    Last edited by demigraf; 08-23-2011 at 12:20 PM.

  29. #22709

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    Sorry about that whole situaiton Myles. It does seem uncomfortable, but really if it isn't in the initial lease agreement regarding the extra pets, it is considered a violation. I probably would have called first though as well as I always like to get the other person's point of view. Also I would add an amendment or something to the lease regarding the extra pets. But I also do not like having exchanges like that and they are emotionally and sometimes even physically draining for me. I actually prepare for confrontations because I really do not like to confront people. I ready myself for a little bit and plan out what I'm going to say, it doesn't always go like planned, but I like having the planning phase.

    And now I will add my own diatribe....

    I think I may begin to looking for another job. I do like my job and it is very low key but the environment is starting to be draining for me regarding my new boss. She is very finicky and jumpy and is always talking about deadlines and sending me all capitalized emails, even when she is in the office. She is usually in the office. Only 5 of us work here in the office, her office is literally 20 feet away from me and I don't understand why she needs to basically yell at me via email LOL! I joke with my co-workers about it, they get the yelling emails too.

    Also, she will ask me to do something via a phone call, like to call someone for her. I call. She will email me like 5 minutes later asking me did I call them. I'm like....lady....you saw that I was on the phone, WTH do you think I was doing??? It is just bizarre and it is starting to make me angry. I am not a big person in our office, I like it that way because I don't want a stressful job right now and enjoy doing administrative work, I am an executive admin assistant BTW. But she is just really lazy and gets on my nerves. Another example, our company, like most big companies, has an internal drive that we save documents on so that we can share our documents. She asks me to create a document, I create it and save it there so she can receive it, then she will email me (ask me did I create the document too) and tell me to email it to her even though I just sent her a message that I created the document, it is saved in XYZ folder. It irks me that she is so lazy that she cannot open a folder for herself and I have to email her every freaking document that she has access to. Not to mention that accessing our internal drive, because I have an older model computer in the office, takes a LONG time, so when I attach documents it can take up to 2-3 minutes and my computer will run VERY slow while this is occurring so this slows down my productivity.

    Also, they have me doing compliance/procurement. For those who don't know, it is maintaining contracts. We are a government agency so have to follow federal procurement laws, which can be a lengthy process. The big bosses out of state decided to fire my last boss and our compliance officer within 2 weeks of each other. Even though they gave me a raise, it is nothing compared to the salary of the two people they fired. Both of them got paid twice what I am paid now, yet they want me to do their jobs now. Even though I do know how to do procurement, that is not my job and is not something I want to do. I let the new boss know that and that she needs to see about hiring someone to at least do compliance and at least PT and that maybe they should ask the person they fired back since the only reason she was let go was because she was PT. But she said we will have to wait and see if they (the big bosses out of state because the new boss cannot make a decision on her own) will give her permission to hire someone else. She recently sent me a bunch of screaming/yelling emails about deadlines in Sept for procurement audits, meaning she wants me to look through all 50 of our books page by page and audit them for errors and fix those errors while also doing my own reports and payroll and the many many other tasks I do.

    Funniest occurence though is that she sent my co-workers an email (a yelling one too) to not ask me to do anything for them anymore. So now they all come up and say "I dont' know if this is asking you to do something or not, but can you just tell me XYZ." And they whisper it. It is our inside joke and is pretty hilarious. But seriously, she is making me look for a new job and I feel bad for my co-workers because she will probably make them do compliance when I am gone. I really don't want to look for something new but her finickiness is really bothering me. I know it sounds weird and maybe petty but it really is. I cannot stand to be around "jumpy" people too long because it sometimes wears off on me and makes me anxious when I am usually cool as ice LOL. I have had to start meditating at work because of her and am not going to let her contagious anxiety get me. I told my old boss to hurry up and find another job so I can come work for her again LOL! She is actually interviewing with one of our current company's vendors so maybe she will hire me again.

    Erin

  30. #22710

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    That sounds super-annoying, Erin. I hope she doesn't realize she's yelling in all-caps when she types like that. I know it took several years for me to realize THAT THIS IS LIKE SHOUTING IN YOUR FACE. Coming from me - a job-shopper - I'm always in favor of looking for something else, as it's typically been a way to increase my income and detox my life. So I'm all for it, as long as the job market in your region for your profession is good. I've never regretted doing something new, and I have a running theory that I'm combatting the alzheimers and dementia that I'm genetically pre-disposed to by having to start with a "beginner mind" frequently. It sounds like she's giving you more work than you have the bandwidth to do, and in that case, I would make a point to say, "I have to this, this & this, while I only have time to do one of those things in the amount of time you've given me, while the others will wait. I need you to help me prioritize my work." What do you think would happen if you tried that with her?

    I also think it wouldn't hurt to look on a few job boards to see what else is out there. I hope today was good for you, at least.

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