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Thread: Secular Confessions

  1. #22621
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    Gosh, Chrissy; I didn't realize things weren't so good between you two. I'm sorry you feel like you have to split up.

  2. #22622
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    Quote Originally Posted by daylilies View Post
    I'm sorry about you and Rich Chrissy. But is it possible with all the stressing things going on now that it just seems magnified? Could you wait until the dust settles a little, things get back to somewhat normal and look at things again? I think when it seems like everything is going wrong at once you just want to get away from whatever you can. I'm not doubting your feelings at all and I know you've been having trouble with him for a long time but maybe this isn't the best time to make a big decision about it.
    You could very well be right, but it has been going on for a long time and the extra crap that's happened that was neither of our faults seems to exacerbate what's wrong with our relationship. It's stressful enough dealing with what's going on, but then it's also compounded on me because I have to think long and hard about what I say, when I say it, and how am I going to talk Rich down and all the while hoping he doesn't say something totally devastating out loud...not on purpose, but because he just doesn't 'get it' about emotions/teen development stuff.

    I pressure myself to always remain calm and think before I speak with my girls whenever something happens. He doesn't seem to have that at all and some of the stuff he says...omg. I can't be perfect all the time and I cannot make him just know how to act. It's exhausting explaining everything to him all the time.

    And then there are the moments when he tries to use an ATM and it's out of order so he calls me to ask me what to do. Seriously. I'm still bent about that because it's just ridiculous. I make all the decisions-even the teeny, tiny, itty, bittie little ones. I'm fed up with it.

    Mama to Bobbie 20 ~ Jesi 18 ~ Syd 14 ~ Conner 6
    I'm gonna be a Gramama! Jesi is due 11/22/13


  3. #22623
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    There isn't much I can do about anything right now anyway. I have to help get the mortgage caught up and that's going through October. Then it's November & Christmas season and I couldn't imagine making such a drastic change during that time. Not so much because of me or Rich, but because of the kids. So I'm still thinking....and waiting for things to get better.

    Mama to Bobbie 20 ~ Jesi 18 ~ Syd 14 ~ Conner 6
    I'm gonna be a Gramama! Jesi is due 11/22/13


  4. #22624

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    I know exactly what you mean. I have to explain everything to DH too. The same things over and over again. It's like talking to Josh. LOL

    My mom came over today and brought me a ton of little worksheets I had done in like, first grade. A lot of them were questions about the future, like what did I want to be when I grew up and stuff like that.

    But some things I wrote really astounded me and they were totally a reflection of those studies you see about raising girls vs. raising boys. One sheet said what kind of grown up do you want to be and some of the things I said was "pretty, not short, nice, cute, happy". (and look at me, I ended up short, average looking and depressed! lol) I was shocked. It made me think twice about the things we expose Josh to.

  5. #22625

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    I understand your frustrations Chrissy. I consider my own DH a large child. He is constantly asking me to do things and what should he do and my biggest pet peeve question of his, (crazy as it sounds) is when he is at a store and doesn't have money in his account he will call me and ask me to transfer some money to his account. I'm like, why in the hell didn't you just call yourself instead of calling me. His response is always that he doesn't know how. I showed him how so I know he knows and I know this is a miniscule issue, but it bothers me big time every time it occurs. I sometimes feel he does it on purpose because he knows that that small request will drive me over the edge.

    I do feel that eventually I'll get tired of my DH, I think probably when the kids are older, like when Elle is 12 or so. I just know that it gets tiring, to do everything and always have to make the decisions. My DH won't even clean or make dinner or wake the kids up unless I tell him. I let him know a few times that I'm not telling him these things anymore as no one ever tells me to do them so why must I continue to tell him. All those little things add up. And with you being under so much stress right now, I can see why you would want some escape to just relax.


    Erin

  6. #22626

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    I confess, today is my grandmother's birthday. She was the only person in my life whom I trusted and who I could depend on to do what they said they would do. I went on Facebook and my aunt had posted some words in her memory and I nearly cried. It is strange that after so much time, I still miss her and I still want to talk to her and tell her what is going on with me, especially since I actually have a phone now and a stable place to live. I wish she were still alive so she could come visit me.

    Erin

  7. #22627
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    Awww Erin

    you

    Mama to Bobbie 20 ~ Jesi 18 ~ Syd 14 ~ Conner 6
    I'm gonna be a Gramama! Jesi is due 11/22/13


  8. #22628

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    Chrissy, I can see how right now in your life you want someone really strong with a take charge attitude so you can be weak sometimes if that's how you feel. It's not fair for you to always have to be the strong reliable one.

    Dbf is like that too as far as wanting to ask me everything but with him it is his passive aggressive away of pointing out my shortcomings, usually related to housekeeping. For example, with my answer in parentheses:
    "Are the dishes in the dishwasher clean or dirty?" (LOOK)
    "What is in this container I found in the back of the fridge? Is it garbage or do we save it?" And he will ask that about 6 different things in a row. (LOOK) This is his way of ragging on me for "wasting food".
    Picking things off the floor, "Where does this go? Where does this go? Where does this go?" () This is just his way of making sure that I know he's cleaning up
    And my favorite, "So...are we having dinner tonight, or no?"() Translation: I'm hungry.
    Last edited by Bridget; 08-19-2011 at 01:41 PM.

  9. #22629

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    , Erin.

  10. #22630
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    Aw, Erin, your gran would be proud. I think like that about my pappaw. I wish he could have met my DH and boys. He would have loved them.

  11. #22631
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    Hi! I'm celebrating! Sorry for not responding to others but I'm on my fourth big glass of wine. Home study went great! She was here like an hour, didn't ask anything difficult. It was mostly a tour of the house...which since we built, we are awfully proud of and definitely love...and just finishing up paperwork. It was much easier and quicker than we expected. And bonus is now the house is already clean for the weekend and we got most of the errands ran today after she got left. It's so fun doing stuff on a weekday. Ok will write later when I'm not having to correct most of my typing.

    Jennifer, 35, DH 36

  12. #22632
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    Quote Originally Posted by Ky'sMom View Post
    I confess, today is my grandmother's birthday. She was the only person in my life whom I trusted and who I could depend on to do what they said they would do. I went on Facebook and my aunt had posted some words in her memory and I nearly cried. It is strange that after so much time, I still miss her and I still want to talk to her and tell her what is going on with me, especially since I actually have a phone now and a stable place to live. I wish she were still alive so she could come visit me.

    Erin
    Oh, Erin ... I wish you could visit and talk with her, too.

    Quote Originally Posted by Cosmosmom View Post
    Hi! I'm celebrating! Sorry for not responding to others but I'm on my fourth big glass of wine. Home study went great! She was here like an hour, didn't ask anything difficult. It was mostly a tour of the house...which since we built, we are awfully proud of and definitely love...and just finishing up paperwork. It was much easier and quicker than we expected. And bonus is now the house is already clean for the weekend and we got most of the errands ran today after she got left. It's so fun doing stuff on a weekday. Ok will write later when I'm not having to correct most of my typing.
    I'm SO excited for you!
    Me (40) DH (47) & furbabies * m/c 7/08 4/12 11/12

  13. #22633

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    Woohoo Jennifer!
    And you're much more coherent than I am when I drink. I can't even correct my typos. LOL

  14. #22634

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    That is great news, Jennifer! I'm not surprised everything went smoothly, though. Wish I could share that wine with you, not that there's any left. We just had the worst bedtime ever. I blame disney. I swear, whenever we watch a disney movie before bed the kids are all weird. I am seriously ready to just put the kabosh on it. It's like these cartoons are too stimulating. And I know both Savana and Kai are bothered by the dark side of all these shows and that makes them not want to go to sleep. They aren't like that after Little Bear!
    So I went to the fridge to grab a nice cold beer and of course there are none. Whaaaaa!

  15. #22635

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    Oh, and dbf texted me a picture of himself standing on the streets of Manhattan with Mickey and Minnie.
    I texted him back that his outfit doesn't match.
    Poor Mark.

  16. #22636

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    ROFL. Doesn't match Mickey and Minnie, or his shirt and shorts don't match? LOL
    No beer! How sad. I had wine, but it was a small bottle. Ice wine from our trip to Maine. Yum!

  17. #22637

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    Orange shirt with red and white plaid shorts.

    It's 4am and I have a killer headache again.
    My appt with the head dr was yesterday which I obviously had to cancel since I've no one to watch the children.

  18. #22638

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    Well, I guess the long-ish response I typed up on my phone 9 hrs ago never made it over my connection. Fargin' technology. :/

    I'll have to try to resurrect it tomorrow.

    DH is away this weekend, it's 3 am, and I've already slept 6 hours, as I couldn't get out of Bodhi's comfy bed to brush my teeth. I did this earlier this week, and I was a zombie for staying awake 4 hrs in the middle of the night, so I'd better try to put myself back to sleep, but to you all, and hasta manana.

  19. #22639

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    Hope you got some sleep Myles!

    I slept like crap last night. Every time I drifted off to sleep DH rolled over and tried to talk to me or hold me.

    Sorry Bridget

  20. #22640
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    Oh Bridget that really makes me angry now. Seriously-I think he should have foregone that invitation just to be there and take care of the kids so you could make your appointment...and that's not even taking into account the other stuff. I'm so sorry. You deserve better.

    Mama to Bobbie 20 ~ Jesi 18 ~ Syd 14 ~ Conner 6
    I'm gonna be a Gramama! Jesi is due 11/22/13


  21. #22641

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    This weekend is going so well that I am pretty much over being upset that he went. And he is calling and texting me constantly so I know he's not off doing weird ****. I keep thinking about Erin and how your dh always ends up being bored and annoyed when he goes off on excursions. That seems the case here. I just want to keep off that fine line between being zen and apathetic.
    Outside of the headache from hell, which has gone away just tonight, we've had a pretty fun weekend. Oh, the greatest thing happened. A few weeks ago I took the kids to a history museum in madison and when we went several other places as well but I lost the camera that day. The museum was the last place I took pictures. This is a $500 camera that dbf bought when he was doing that tour company in HI so he could take pics of people snorkeling. I called the museum twice to check and they said no camera.
    Well today we went to the farmer's market and we were walking by the museum. I said to myself outloud that maybe I should check again in person. Then I kept walking and Savana who had heard me asked me why I wasn't going to see if they had the camera so I went in. They HAD it! The guy at the desk right away was like, "Yes there is a camera, I've seen it several times. It sat on the front desk for a week!"
    Doooooood, why did these other people put me in agony over this??? Dbf was hounding me so bad about the camera and how expensive it is and it's our only one and we use it all the time. I knew he was right, too because we are too broke to be losing our camera. But I stayed really calm and cool about it and kept telling him it would turn up.
    Sure enough. Phew!
    Last edited by Bridget; 08-20-2011 at 08:30 PM.

  22. #22642
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    for the camera! I'm also glad you're having a good weekend too.

    Mama to Bobbie 20 ~ Jesi 18 ~ Syd 14 ~ Conner 6
    I'm gonna be a Gramama! Jesi is due 11/22/13


  23. #22643

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    Thanks, Chrissy. I must say it is making me realize how little he does regarding the children. It's like I am doing all the same work but without the little cloud of resentment that he's here and not helping. The only thing that's been difficult is having him to hold Sawyer while I cook or grab the laundry. But Kai and and Savana are really stepping up to keep him entertained. They are a little too much and sometimes he looks over at me like like, "Um....am I ok over here?" I just give him a smile and then he's all good.
    Sawyer is really just the sweetest baby I have ever known and I'm not just saying that because he's mine. Seriously, I will be holding him and going about my business and all of a sudden I look and he's just staring at my face. Like, right into my eyes and as soon as I say hi he breaks into a huge smile and buries his face in my shoulder. Sometimes he will just reach out and put his hand on my face. I mean sometimes he pinches my face and pulls my hair or just gives me a whap with his flailing arms but I swear he's an old soul, this one.

  24. #22644
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    He really sounds like a darling.

    Tonight Conner told me I was beautiful. I love those little moments.

    Mama to Bobbie 20 ~ Jesi 18 ~ Syd 14 ~ Conner 6
    I'm gonna be a Gramama! Jesi is due 11/22/13


  25. #22645

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    I had a whole thing typed out but I navigated away from the page by accident
    Such sweet kids we have! I'm glad you got your camera back Bridget!


    I went to that show last night that was featuring one of the New Kids. It was great and my friend had a great time. She hadn't seen any of the NKOTB since she was a teenager. I think she's got the new kids bug now ;)

    Remember I said we had back row seats-well the place only filled up halfway! So we got to move about halfway up. It was lots of fun.

  26. #22646
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    That's great Kate!

    I attempted to run for the first time in 10 months or so last night. Ouch! I did 1 mile and I did have to walk some.

    Mama to Bobbie 20 ~ Jesi 18 ~ Syd 14 ~ Conner 6
    I'm gonna be a Gramama! Jesi is due 11/22/13


  27. #22647

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    So glad you got the camera back Bridget!! And Sawyer sounds like such a darling boy. I just love children, they are just perfect people IMO even with all the crying and pooping and screaming LOL. I think they are just very pure and genuine until adults or other kids try to mess them up.

    Your conversations between your DBF and yourself sound like mine and DH's. He was also very critical of my housekeeping and still is to a point but it does not bother me anymore so he doesn't bring it up as much as he used to. If he asks me about something in the fridge, I tell him to smell it. If he asks me about dishes in the dishwasher, I say I don't know, but he can look and see. I do my best not to sound irritated (still not good with this about the transferring of money thing I mentioned before though LOL). I also encouraged him to use his awesome, better than mine, houskeeping skills to create some sort of chore chart for himself and I would fill in the rest. He didn't do that and instead cut back on his housekeeping b itchiness.

    I hope your DBF has a very boring time. It used to make me chuckle when DH has a bad time on his excursions. The last one was to Savannah for one of his friend's wedding as well. He had a horrible time and said next time he goes we should all go and do some history tours. I think he underestimated the fact that his drinking buddy was getting married and was actually the groom so would have responsibilities with the wedding. DH ended up spending most of his time at his friend's mom's house helping them cut up veggies and carry around the gifts LOL.

    Erin

  28. #22648

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    Erin you hit the nail on the head. Dbf spent one whole day "sightseeing" with his drinking buddy's parents who drive really slow and smoke in the car. There isn't much he hates more than seconhand smoke and riding in a car! I couldn't muster up too much sympathy!
    The wedding was yesterday and he called me around midnight saying he was on his way home and I could tell he was not intoxicated so that made me feel happy with him.

  29. #22649
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    Bridget, that's great that it sounds like your DBF is behaving himself while away. I just realized that S is eating broccoli in your siggy pic. That's our favorite veg around here!

    We had a great day at a place called Newby Hall. Here's a link to it:
    http://www.newbyhallandgardens.com/

    We just did the outside walks and children's playgrounds, but it was a great day. Travis rode on the little train. He was well behaved except for near the end of the day when he got in the sand pit. He got really giddy and kicked some sand and it went right all over a lady who was watching her kid on the side. I took him out and told him he wouldn't be going back in since he did that. He sat there and pouted for a minute, so I told him if he said sorry to the lady, then we'd think about letting him go back in. So, he went right back up to her and told her he was sorry. I was so proud of him that he knew he'd done something he shouldn't have and apologized.

    He's starting school in a few weeks and I'm starting to feel sad about it. He currently goes to daycare one day a week and I miss him during that day, so I know I'm going to miss him when he's going to start going 2.5 days.

  30. #22650
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    Aww, what a good boy for knowing he was wrong and apologizing.

    I went up to the mall the get my eyebrows waxed and stopped into the Sprint store to check out their phones. I've been thinking about switching to them from Verizon for nearly a year-since I learned that on Sprint all 5 of us could have data plans for roughly the same amount we'd been paying Verizon. The sales lady was so good, she got it all set up for me and I had 45 days to decide...I went back 2 hours later & got us all new phones.

    Dh isn't picky so he didn't want to go. He just said, "get me whatever you get yourself." Ok Mr.Barely.Use.A.Cell.Phone. You're getting a geeky smart phone. He isn't going to know what to do with it.

    Our rep got us great phones for no $ down. We don't even have to wait for rebates. I only had to buy a few phone holders and screen protectors, which I would have anyway. We're all happy little geeks learning our new phones.

    Mama to Bobbie 20 ~ Jesi 18 ~ Syd 14 ~ Conner 6
    I'm gonna be a Gramama! Jesi is due 11/22/13


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