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Thread: Secular Confessions

  1. #22441
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    She was ok enough to do television a television interview about it. I can't remember the extent of her injuries. There was no doubt, however, that she saved that child's life. And after hearing that tale that is my own back-up plan in case I ever see such a thing myself. She said she knew she had a better chance of withstanding those vicious bites better than the child could.

    Mama to Bobbie 20 ~ Jesi 18 ~ Syd 14 ~ Conner 6
    I'm gonna be a Gramama! Jesi is due 11/22/13


  2. #22442
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    There's no way I'm going to find a link to that story now. It's probably been 3 years, maybe more. But I did find this one and since Pits are sorta being vilified, I thought I'd share a flip-side story: http://www.zootoo.com/petnews/stray-...m-attacker-993

    Mama to Bobbie 20 ~ Jesi 18 ~ Syd 14 ~ Conner 6
    I'm gonna be a Gramama! Jesi is due 11/22/13


  3. #22443
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    Chrissy, it's not so tangential. Post tubal syndrome is associated with depression as well. It made me wonder, since this is the only pregnancy I had PPD after, and it was pretty bad. For me, it's mostly catastrophic bleeding. Like, having to wear two tampons plus a pad plus put a towel on the bed plus set my alarm to get up every two hours in the night to change them or my sheets will be destroyed. That x 4 days then 3 more days of less catastrophic bleeding. Then 2 weeks of not bleeding then 1 week of bleeding more. It's been awful.

    So if I had been pregnant, I don't think that any baby would have been comfortable and viable. That was our main thought.


  4. #22444
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    That sounds truly awful. I hope it ends soon or they can prescribe something for you.

    Mama to Bobbie 20 ~ Jesi 18 ~ Syd 14 ~ Conner 6
    I'm gonna be a Gramama! Jesi is due 11/22/13


  5. #22445

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    That does sound horrible L!

    I remember my mom having a lot of problems after her tubal and so I decided I would never get one so now I have pregnancy scares almost every month LOL. I don't like BCP and a paraguard I had failed when Elle was about a year old and I got PG and miscarried on it, so we went back to pull out since DH insists that he can "control his sperm."

    Chrissy, so sorry about the set backs with Jesi. If it helps my dad said that all drug addicts have a relapse, their response to it determines whether or not they'll remain clean. He got off of crack when he was 35 for about 9 months then went back to it once and was so guilty about that that he checked into a 30 day inpatient rehab, then stayed at the Salvation Army men's shelter (which is why I always donate to the Salvation Army at Christmas and other times because they gave him free lodging and meals during this time) in order to get himself clean for good. He has been clean for 20 years now. I am hoping that she will see the ill of her ways and how this is not good for her. I hope she can understand how much she is hurting you and her family and herself most importantly and will decide to remain clean in the future.

    Myles, that quote reminds me of one of my favorite poems by Audre Lorde and I always think that Marianne stole it LOL, but I like the quote as well. I used to have the poem "A Litany for Survival" taped to my wall when I was twenty something. Now I have to post it because it is one of my favorites. So here we go (this is just part of it):

    For those of us
    who were imprinted with fear
    like a faint line in the center of our foreheads
    learning to be afraid with our mother's milk
    for by this weapon
    this illusion of some safety to be found
    the heavy-footed hoped to silence us
    For all of us
    this instant and this triumph
    We were never meant to survive.

    And when the sun rises we are afraid
    it might not remain
    when the sun sets we are afraid
    it might not rise in the morning
    when our stomachs are full we are afraid
    of indigestion
    when our stomachs are empty we are afraid
    we may never eat again
    when we are loved we are afraid
    love will vanish
    when we are alone we are afraid
    love will never return
    and when we speak we are afraid
    our words will not be heard
    nor welcomed
    but when we are silent
    we are still afraid

    So it is better to speak
    remembering
    we were never meant to survive

  6. #22446

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    I like that, Erin.

    Lydia, big hugs. That all sounds really scary to me.

    Myles, what you say is so spot on. I know in my heart that he is incredibly insecure and that is a big part of why he lies.
    We talked today and I was able to tell him my worries without him getting defensive. I asked him if he even trusted himself to be intoxicated around women he does not know, possibly staying in the same house as him, him not wearing a wedding ring or any indicator that he is "married" with 3 children at home.
    So...he has agreed to limit himself to 3-4 drinks per night. If he can do that I will feel like he is at least making an effort to salvage my trust.

    As for forgiving him for cheating? I think I have. It's just that he has not regained my trust because I have caught him in so many lies and half truths since then.

    Anyway, time to move on. I made another new friend today! She came to the homeschool playgroup today and has a baby the exact same age as Sawyer and a 4 year old boy. She was very funny and we chatted the entire time. When we left she gave me her number and email. This is all new to me but I am enjoying making friends that I have so much in common with parenting-wise.
    Last edited by Bridget; 08-12-2011 at 07:27 PM.

  7. #22447
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    Quote Originally Posted by bridgetwu75 View Post
    As for forgiving him for cheating? I think I have. It's just that he has not regained my trust because I have caught him in so many lies and half truths since then.
    This is totally normal. Rich & I went through that sort of thing many years ago and I'd say it took about 3 years before all trust was restored. Well, for me. I don't know if it took that long for Rich to 'get over it' (so to speak). I'm not saying it was as bad at the end of 3 years as it was in the beginning...the distrust progressively got less and less until I suddenly realized both our indiscretions had zero impact on our relationship any more.

    about making another great friend! I'm so happy for you. And her kids are the perfect ages to blend in with yours. Perhaps they'll also be lifelong friend to your children

    I think I need to reconnect with some people locally. I didn't hear anything about that job, so I'm assuming they offered it to the other guy. Honestly, as crazy as it sounds I'm immensely relieved. I just don't think I can handle taking on a new job right now. But I keep thinking about the lunch interview and how much fun I had. I really need more of that in my life. They're awesome people. I think they'd think I was a bit crazy, though, if I called and asked them if we could just meet monthly to have lunch. hehe

    Mama to Bobbie 20 ~ Jesi 18 ~ Syd 14 ~ Conner 6
    I'm gonna be a Gramama! Jesi is due 11/22/13


  8. #22448

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    My town is having their first ever "farmer market" today. They are trying to revitalize the downtown since it's basically dead since stupid walmart came along and wiped out all the mom and pop businesses. Did I mention I despise walmart?

    Anyway, I have been very excited about this and even hoping to get a booth in the market someday. I haven't decided what I will say but I have lots and lots of ideas. I am excited for my town to have things to do that we can be involved in that don't involve religion, beer, or car races.
    But Kai just threw up the water he drank and didn't eat his breakfast so now I'm afraid we can't go! Boo hoo!!!
    Last edited by Bridget; 08-13-2011 at 08:03 AM.

  9. #22449
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    Oh no Bridget! I hope he's feeling better by now.

    Mama to Bobbie 20 ~ Jesi 18 ~ Syd 14 ~ Conner 6
    I'm gonna be a Gramama! Jesi is due 11/22/13


  10. #22450

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    He was fine all day! But it thunderstormed so we didn't go.
    I am making peanut butter tahini chocolate chip cookies. They're in the oven. Can't wait.

  11. #22451
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    Yummy!

    I went & did my weekly shopping and my brother bought steak to cook out on the grill. I've done some light housework but mostly was lazy all day.

    Mama to Bobbie 20 ~ Jesi 18 ~ Syd 14 ~ Conner 6
    I'm gonna be a Gramama! Jesi is due 11/22/13


  12. #22452
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    We went to a corn maze yesterday with all the family, and the kids had a blast. To be honest, we did, too! There was a thing that was kind of like a bouncy castle that adults could go on with the kids, so we all got on that and had a good laugh! I asked Travis what his favourite part of the day was and he replied, "eating ice cream." Today, we're off grocery shopping and then probably spending the day outside since it's not raining. It rains too much in this country!

  13. #22453

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    I hate walmart too, Bridget, not only for that reason but because every single time I go I can't find what I need or I get the wrong thing. Every. single. time. I only go there if I'm desperate and I usually leave empty handed.


    The corn maze sounds so fun. Yesterday we went to a family reunion of sorts that I will probably post about on facebook later : /

  14. #22454
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    Oh Ash I love corn mazes!! It sounds like a blast!

    How was the family reunion Kate? I admit, I got tired of the ones my maternal grandmother's family used to host every year and shortly after I had Bobbie and Jessica I stopped going. Now that my grandmother's brother passed away I really feel bad about that. I guess on one level I thought they'd continue forever and ever.

    I can't remember if I mentioned this or not here, but the lady that would have been my supervisor is related to my maternal grandmother's cousins. I vaguely know my grandma's story-her father had died and her mother was more interested in running around than in raising her 5 kids so my grandma and siblings lived with their aunt and uncle, the Martins. I know an extension of that family lives up the road from where we do now and when we were talking at the interview I mentioned the road I live on. Janet, the interviewer, said "Oh, the Martins live up there" and I said yeah, they're my grandmothers cousins. It was crazy. Ithaca is 30 miles away from this neck of the woods and here I'm sitting with someone who is a branch off the same family tree? Now for the first time ever I think I'd like to look at my ancestry. I never really cared one way or the other about it.

    Mama to Bobbie 20 ~ Jesi 18 ~ Syd 14 ~ Conner 6
    I'm gonna be a Gramama! Jesi is due 11/22/13


  15. #22455

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    Please tell me I haven't made a big mistake. A single mom from JoJo's preschool found out on Friday she has bedbugs. I offered to let her stay here tonight and tomorrow night while they continue remediation on her apt. DH is gone and it will be relatively easy to have them but now I am terrified that we will get bedbugs. I guess I need to call and make sure that they will have all new clothes and luggage/bags when they come in my door. I hate to look like a jerk, but I don't want bedbugs!!!!!! I just felt for her - it would be hard to handle that kind of thing on your own and we have a spare bedroom. It will be okay, right? Right?

    "Any idiot can face a crisis; it is this day-to-day living that wears you out." -Anton Chekhov


  16. #22456
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    I think it's ok to ask her to bring clothes in a cloth bag (duffel bag?) and you can put all the clothing, plus the bags, in your dryer for 10-20 minutes. You should be fine.

    You're really a sweet person for offering up your place to them.

    eta: I know it might be an uncomfortable thing to bring up, but I'm sure you can think of a tactful, sweet way to say it. Plus it will save her too because I'm sure she won't want to go through all this just to bring the critters back home. It's just a safety measure to protect both of you...just in case.
    Last edited by missychrissy; 08-14-2011 at 09:20 AM.

    Mama to Bobbie 20 ~ Jesi 18 ~ Syd 14 ~ Conner 6
    I'm gonna be a Gramama! Jesi is due 11/22/13


  17. #22457

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    It was not great--should I post it here or in our private facebook group? I'm not sure if everyone here is in that group. I'm so confused, with all these new places to post to LOL

  18. #22458

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    Katy you could offer to have her bring a bunch of stuff to run in your dryer..that way it would still just look like you're helping out and at the same time you're protecting yourself

  19. #22459

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    I think that as soon as they come over, I will ask that we put all of her stuff in the dryer. But what about the stuff they have on? I have an allergy slipcase for the mattress that is plasticized so I can try to put that on by myself so at least the mattress will be protected. But our couch and upholstered chairs in the living room are not able to be covered in plastic. How long before you know if you are infested? Can I ask that they leave the suitcases/bags outside on the back porch? Surely she will understand my concerns.

    Ugh. Wish I didn't have such a big generous mouth.

    "Any idiot can face a crisis; it is this day-to-day living that wears you out." -Anton Chekhov


  20. #22460

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    So I'm curious if you all have any input. It's getting to the point where I really need to get a job. DH does not want me to get a "piddly job" in other words cashier or bagel place counter girl or whatever else I've seen hiring out here, however I don't really have the schooling and career record to get a great job, so he was wondering if I could start a business that would actually be lucrative (unlike that catering business I was considering which would probably not have a great profit).

    As you guys know I am crazy about NKOTB and it would be fantastic if I could have an online business or website that is somehow related to that, that brings in a profit. But I'm stumped. What on earth could I do?

    It may be just a pipe dream and I was actually ready to go get a job doing whatever I could; cashier, bagel sandwich maker, etc. but then he made the comment about how a "piddly" job would not be worth it so I dropped it. I'm glad I didn't decide to surprise him one day or anything. I was just looking for some way to help.

  21. #22461

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    Quote Originally Posted by girlwonder View Post
    I think that as soon as they come over, I will ask that we put all of her stuff in the dryer. But what about the stuff they have on? I have an allergy slipcase for the mattress that is plasticized so I can try to put that on by myself so at least the mattress will be protected. But our couch and upholstered chairs in the living room are not able to be covered in plastic. How long before you know if you are infested? Can I ask that they leave the suitcases/bags outside on the back porch? Surely she will understand my concerns.

    Ugh. Wish I didn't have such a big generous mouth.
    IDK anything about bedbugs. If you're the same size you could offer some of your clothes while she puts the clothes she's wearing in the dryer.

  22. #22462

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    I don't like how he used the word piddly. Maybe you need to put your toes in before you jump in headfirst. kwim? If I were you, I would get a job at Starbucks or similar so you all can get used to both of you being gone a lot before you invest a lot of time and money building a business. I am actually really annoyed by his attitude on this - what is he expecting? Especially right now with the economy in the tank. I would hold off on the business thing until you have a very firm grasp on what you want, business plan written up and financing secured for at least a year. It sounds like you are a long way from that and in the meantime it can't hurt to get a smaller job to at least get out of the house and start looking around. What about working for a caterer either as an assistant chef or server at parties? That is at least in your area of interest.

    "Any idiot can face a crisis; it is this day-to-day living that wears you out." -Anton Chekhov


  23. #22463
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    Katy, ick about the bedbugs! I agree, offer to let her put her things in the dryer right away and you can offer to give her something to wear in the meantime. Maybe even a bathrobe if you aren't the same size? I'm sure if you say it in the right way she won't be offended.

    Kate, I think it's a great idea if you can find a business that would work out. Don't know what to suggest, though.

    DH watched some informercial this morning for a food processor that was designed to make baby food. Not quite sure why you couldn't just use a regular food processor, but DH is now all excited about the idea home-made baby food and asked me what I thought about making our own organic baby food! Seems a little premature since we don't have a baby to feed, but I'm glad he's excited about something like that!
    Me (39) DH (46) & furbabies * m/c 7/08 4/12 11/12

  24. #22464
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    Quote Originally Posted by girlwonder View Post
    I don't like how he used the word piddly. Maybe you need to put your toes in before you jump in headfirst. kwim? If I were you, I would get a job at Starbucks or similar so you all can get used to both of you being gone a lot before you invest a lot of time and money building a business. I am actually really annoyed by his attitude on this - what is he expecting? Especially right now with the economy in the tank. I would hold off on the business thing until you have a very firm grasp on what you want, business plan written up and financing secured for at least a year. It sounds like you are a long way from that and in the meantime it can't hurt to get a smaller job to at least get out of the house and start looking around. What about working for a caterer either as an assistant chef or server at parties? That is at least in your area of interest.
    ITA with this, actually. And I couldn't have said it as well.
    Me (39) DH (46) & furbabies * m/c 7/08 4/12 11/12

  25. #22465
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    Quote Originally Posted by daylilies View Post
    It was not great--should I post it here or in our private facebook group? I'm not sure if everyone here is in that group. I'm so confused, with all these new places to post to LOL
    It's up to you. I think all us regulars are in the private group. If anyone is reading this and doesn't have a clue what we're talking about, say so and one of us will add you!

    Quote Originally Posted by Gwenn View Post
    Katy, ick about the bedbugs! I agree, offer to let her put her things in the dryer right away and you can offer to give her something to wear in the meantime. Maybe even a bathrobe if you aren't the same size? I'm sure if you say it in the right way she won't be offended.

    Kate, I think it's a great idea if you can find a business that would work out. Don't know what to suggest, though.

    DH watched some informercial this morning for a food processor that was designed to make baby food. Not quite sure why you couldn't just use a regular food processor, but DH is now all excited about the idea home-made baby food and asked me what I thought about making our own organic baby food! Seems a little premature since we don't have a baby to feed, but I'm glad he's excited about something like that!
    I concur with offering her something to wear "just in case" Again, I think she'll want to protect herself from re-infestation as much as you want to protect your home. It's an embarrassing predicament for her to be in but I'm confident she'll understand.

    Kate, I also agree that I'm not fond of your dh's choice of words. Working as a caterer's assistant would be a wonderful opportunity for you if you can find such work. I'd look for that. It's an area you're interested in and you can make your own connections as well as continue learning while you work.

    I'm trying to be more Bridget-like in my attitude toward dh and not let the things that really bug me get to me. It's not working so well. One of the things I've ranted about, especially in regards to coming back here, was I didn't want any more "f-it, that's good enough" attitude. I wanted things done 'right' and complete. Today we finally got around to high pressure washing Cramer's cage. Well, Rich did. When he was ready to bring it in he asked for my help and realized he didn't do the bottom side of the floor and it was still covered in bird crap. He said, "Ugh, it's good enough." I just looked at him. I didn't say a word, but I was seething. I'm not sure I know how to let it go, and it gives me great anxiety about all the other things we're going to be doing to our home. I'm 99% sure he's going to have the same attitude and DIY projects. And we're supposed to either live here for the rest of our life or try to sell it next year. I do NOT want that attitude! I also don't want to fight and nag about it either. I just want things done right.
    Last edited by missychrissy; 08-14-2011 at 11:58 AM.

    Mama to Bobbie 20 ~ Jesi 18 ~ Syd 14 ~ Conner 6
    I'm gonna be a Gramama! Jesi is due 11/22/13


  26. #22466

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    I try to let things go, I really do. You'd think by the way I complain about him that I get on his case about everything. But there are things he says that I do bite my tongue about.


    I think the problem is that he was expecting a career to come out of me going to culinary school and he's still annoyed about that. I think he kind of hoped that we could both work, or that maybe he'd stay at home instead since he hates his job. IDK. When he comes to me complaining I know things are bad. Today he said he's frustrated we can't buy new clothes, or have money to take more trips together, He looked down at his paint stained shorts and ratty t shirt and just looked sad. I felt bad. I felt like I've been lazy in not working harder to find a job.

    We're still doing everything we can for Josh. He gets new clothes when he needs them, stuff for school, toys, the snacks he likes, etc.

  27. #22467

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    I also meant to say, I forgot who made the comment but someone said something regarding Bridget's boyfriend, to the effect of "I wonder what connection he missed as a child that makes him act that way"
    I've been thinking about that and wondering what kind of connections DH missed, having a sort of loony mother and a father who didn't really take part in parenting.

  28. #22468
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    I don't think you complain about your dh at all. I think I post one complaint about Rich each day. I'm making myself nuts! I either have to get to where I can accept him as he is, or ... I don't even want to think of the alternative right now.

    As for wondering about childhood influences...I used to do that for years and I know Rich's parents were deplorable. No doubt he's suffered from that. But I let all that go a few years ago because we're not children any more. And not many suffered worse than I did and I don't let that determine who I am today. In some ways surviving and overcoming has made me a little snobby. I really feel like if I can do it others can too and when they seem stuck on the same issues from their childhood I tend to lose a little bit a patience.

    Mama to Bobbie 20 ~ Jesi 18 ~ Syd 14 ~ Conner 6
    I'm gonna be a Gramama! Jesi is due 11/22/13


  29. #22469

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    Yeah, but I think there are some things that most people learn as children that are much harder to learn as an adult. I agree it's not an excuse but it sure can make things harder.

  30. #22470
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    Yeah, it does make it harder. I think I've simply lost empathy for people. Not in all cases yet.

    Mama to Bobbie 20 ~ Jesi 18 ~ Syd 14 ~ Conner 6
    I'm gonna be a Gramama! Jesi is due 11/22/13


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