Secular Confessions

[missychrissy]

Thanks. I'm sure there are plenty of parents out there better than I could be, but I would know what I was doing.

That's a true indicator of an excellent parent. Excellent moms never quite know if they're doing things the best. Generally, they are.

[Gwenn]

Thanks, Chrissy. <wub smiley goes here! >

ETA: Hey, wait, that smiley worked!

So did that!

[missychrissy]

[daylilies]

My parents had no idea about kids with spina bifida and I have to say they did a great job with me. Sure I remember some less than shining moments of frustration when I would lie about something to do with my health, like if I lied about how many accidents I had or whatever because I thought I'd get in trouble. But they still did a great job considering they had no time to prepare. This was before they could detect it in an ultrasound.

[daylilies]

double post

[missychrissy]

That's really good to hear Kate. I'm sure they had moments of anxiety and wondering if they were doing things right, and maybe they made mistakes here or there, but if overall you can look back and say they did good then in the end that's really all that's important.

Sometimes I have to remind myself (especially lately) it's not so much the individual little days that add up, but rather the combined effort that will really determine how my own kids view their childhood. And how they'll be (to an extent) as adults.

[Cosmosmom]

hey jumping in late here but it did take us something like probably two years go fully commit to adoption. And yeah my DH basically left everything up to me and said whatever I wanted. We had thought about not having kids and just being together and having dogs. I had the choice of house or kid....I picked house and less than a year later we were back to talking adoption. My bad! LOL
Basically comes down to we both want a kid but me more than him. He wants me happy and a kid was something we talked about from day one. He would have been willing to maybe do IUI but not IVF (due to cost and we don't have insurance for that in WI). And he was pretty strong about the kid was either both ours biologically or neither ours biologically. It became pretty clear that adoption was the answer. The only things holding us back was the vast PITA the process is with paperwork and having to be picked by birth parents and the idea of an open adoption.....and MONEY. Once money wasn't such a big issue, he was on board. And even better as we get closer and closer to being with paperwork (most of which I did since it was my idea to adopt) and just waiting for a call.

Definitely wasn't a process and decision that one could rush into....least not for us.

[3andMe]

While I'm no expert, I think most couples come to the decision of adoption after a lot of consideration and conversations about various options. This one was essentially someone else's idea, and even if you had discussed the possibility of adoption (who hasn't, even Rich and I have through the years), it still wasn't in any definite, soon to occur manner. It's really a lot to process.

I know other people have made 'snap' decisions and everything worked out. I'm confident that whatever you ultimately decide will be the best option for you. But getting there is indeed bound to be difficult.

Oh, and I wouldn't call you wish-washy. You're simply considering and re-considering again. There's nothing wrong with that.

Any way to get your dh to be definitive? I think for us, Rich would have loved any child 'we' had, by any means we had it. Perhaps that's your dh as well and that's why he's leaving it up to you. I know, it's still not fair.

I have to say, I really like all of this and I think Chrissy said it well. I would have a really hard time with making a decision that just kind of landed on me like that, when I am normally very good at making decisions.

[Cosmosmom]

I confess....my freaking foot was cramping up tonight something awful. It was like the second and third toes from underneath the foot to the top. Weird. Don't know why, would like to prevent that in the future.

[Cosmosmom]

Did I mention in here that funeral is thursday? We will be bringing the computer with us (not to the funeral) but not sure how often I will be on here and checking stuff.

[Cosmosmom]

Oh and I also confess that we came close to getting a puppy tonight. at work someone has 7 puppies...mom is a Britney spaniel and dad is a border collie/blue heeler. Puppies are FREAKING adorable...mostly black and white combos like Cosmo. We came THISCLOSE to calling the number about them.

[Gwenn]

Oh, now I would make a decision about a puppy much easier! It's SOOOO tempting sometimes. I'd love a border collie/spaniel, too.

And Kate, yeah, it's people like your parents that make me realize that I wouldn't necessarily be a better parent to a special needs kid ... just more knowledgeable than some. I've seen some moms, and dads, who have really stepped up to the plate and done wonders with their kids, and some of them super young, too. Honestly being a therapist or a teacher is the easy part. Parents have it 24/7.

[missychrissy]

Those puppies sound cute Jennifer! But then, wouldn't you have to re-do your scrapbooks to include your new addition? lol

They say eating bananas (potassium) helps if you get frequent foot cramps like that. Could your shoes be getting too worn? I know when I was running they said that you should change your running sneakers after 300 miles or so because the cushions decompress so much. I'm sure that's true with regular walking...only it probably takes more than 300 miles! I know if I wear heels now I often will get foot cramps at night because I'm no longer used to it. I used to wear them daily for 4.5 years.

I woke up this morning feeling slightly depressed. I have fears associated with being offered that job (still). I know I'll miss 'my' people. Even my boss. I confess, there's a part of me that hopes I don't get offered the job. The other part of me is screaming, "YOU'RE FREAKING CERTIFIABLE CHRISTINA!"

[missychrissy]

ps-if I'm offered the job, I'm gonna take it. I'll be an emotional wreck, but I'm gonna take it.

[daylilies]

Haha, if you're certifiable then so am I! But I know what you mean! I have had jobs I didn't like anymore but the comfort was nice...I have bounced in and out of jobs and the only one I had for more than a year, I was growing out of what it had to offer me and I left. Sometimes I still regret that. I regret leaving a comfortable job that I could do with my eyes closed, even though I didnt go to culinary school to flip burgers and drop fries. Sigh...

[missychrissy]

There's a part of me that's drawn to an easy job. One I can master and always be smart in. But I did that and I was bored a lot. Even though I fear it, I need to be constantly challenged. I know this is a good opportunity for me (if offered) but...well, I guess change is hard.

[daylilies]

Yeah, it is. You'll do great though.

[Bridget]

You will be great, Chrissy! I'm glad you are going to take the new job if offered. Change can be so exciting.
This is so on a different scale than your level of expertise but when I moved to Hawaii with my friend we had no place to live so we needed jobs asap. We happened to be walking by this club so we went in to see if they needed cocktail waitresses. I'd been waitressing since I was 18 but never had I mastered the task of holding the tray over my head with one hand, bringing it down and unloading the drinks with the other. I'd always gotten around that by resting the edge of the tray on the table while I was serving.
Okay, so the owner was in the club (total sleaze) and they had just fired their waitstaff for being drunk on the job.
They guy said, after some inappropriate remarks about how he didn't know there were any hot chicks from Wisconsin , that if we told him we could carry a tray of drinks in a busy club, we were hired. So I'm like oh of COURSE I can do that!
We started that friday night, busiest night of the week, wall to wall people with sleazy owner sipping drinks in the corner watching me like a hawk. Well, my first order was like 12 drinks and I was seriously about to throw up thinking that I'd spill the whole lot. But I didn't. I was even shaking and I did it! I held the tray over my head and everything. By the end of the week I was slinging drinks like a pro.
So you see, Chrissy, if I can do that you can do ANYTHING!

[missychrissy]

Bridget, you're awesome! And it totally relates

I admit, the prospective supervisor mentioned something about editing registry to fix download errors. I know I've done it before, but rarely and I had to use Google to help me find the correct spot. Heck, I think I had to have Google tell me that was the fix to the problem. When she asked about it, I got the impression that it happens frequently for their users (probably because their software updates are pushed?) and I nodded my head in total agreement that I knew all about that. I just know if I get hired there that's going to be one of the first problems and if she's anywhere near me I'm gonna either ask her or Google and she'll know I wasn't completely forthcoming

I didn't lie-I am familiar with registry and I know I've gone into it before to fix download problems. I just can't remember for sure where you go look and which ones you tinker with.

[demigraf]

Awww, chrissy, when it comes to tinkering with the registry, just remember those 2 magical hypenated words: back-up.

And you know what? Everyone I know looks up answers on Google, or recycles other people's code. I haven't written original string of DB2 SQL since I've been here on the job and its been a month now. My manager just keeps sending me scripts he's used in the past. Which is a good thing, because I've yet to see a diagram of the database so I don't know where the heck anything is anyway. I guess we're all supposed to learn by osmosis.

Bridget, where ya been, girl? I hope all is well over there.

Jennifer, I'm sorry about your loss again. I hope the funeral is not too upsetting. Oh, and how's your foot today? I had a doctor that told me to walk on tennis balls, or massage my foot with a single tennis ball to break up some pain and tightness I was having in both feet. That was for plantar fascitis, but it felt really good, so I guess I'm endorsing the tennis ball for your feet.

kate, I'm so interested to hear about your cooking endeavors. I need inspiration in the kitchen, not that I'm eating much these days. Did you find that there's some sexism in the culinary world once you got out of school? Another former coworker of mine who attended the Culinary Arts Academy here in SF told me that it's brutal, and it's expected that only males become executive chefs. But that was 15 years ago, so maybe things have changed.

[demigraf]

Oh man, it's gonna be a crazy next two weeks when my boss is out of town...

[daylilies]

It is brutal Myles. I've seen some good female cooks who have a very tough skin. I think that's my problem. I'm too easily offended and hurt. It's rare that anyone gets a real compliment in a kitchen and when I did I was immediately on the defensive because I thought they were being sarcastic. That's when I realized that being affirmated and complimented on the job is important to me and cooking just does not offer that kind of coddling.

If there was ever a job where you had to learn by osmosis, cooking would be it. At my last job we changed the menu seasonally. We'd take a day or two to learn how to cook and plate all the new dishes and then you were expected to know how to whip them out without thinking. I took pages and pages of notes and I was the only one who had to do so.

I have lots of stories!

[3andMe]

Most IT people I know use Google on a daily basis to problem-solve.

[TigglyWiggly]

Hi I'm Kara. I've been lurking in this thread for a while and have finally worked up the guts to try and jump in. You all seem so cool and bright and I would like to join in on your conversations. I'm a SAHM/ student needing to get moving on her dissertation. I'm a licensed social worker by training. I'm an atheist, living in Texas (), but from New England originally. I grew up in a secular family and religion has always pretty much been a non-issue for me until recently. So, I hope I can keep up with your quick minds!

[daylilies]

Hi! Your picture looks familiar. Did you use to have a different name?

[TigglyWiggly]

Nope, I've been TigglyWiggly since I joined up a few years ago. I went through a few miscarriages but didn't start posting actively until I was pregnant with my daughter and realized she was actually going to be a being.

[girlwonder]

Hi Kara! I'm in TX too so I know from whence the head-banging comes! We are in Austin though, so it is a bit better than other places.

[TigglyWiggly]

I adore Austin! Wish I could live there, but my husband's employment is in Houston unfortunately.

[missychrissy]

Hi Kara!! I'm glad you jumped right in here. This is where all the action is!

[daylilies]

Well, welcome! It's going to drive me crazy until I figure out who you look like though