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Thread: Secular Confessions

  1. #21991

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    It sounds a lot like arguments DH and I have, that go around in circles and just make things worse. I wish I knew how to help you but we have the same problem. I'm sorry you're going through this

  2. #21992

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    I'm so sorry, Lydia. I wish you didn't have to feel so sad.

    "Any idiot can face a crisis; it is this day-to-day living that wears you out." -Anton Chekhov


  3. #21993
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    Quote Originally Posted by demigraf View Post
    chrissy - I truly know what you feel. It's like having another chikd rather than an equal partner.
    That's it exactly. And I didn't mean to sound argumentative with you earlier. You're probably right, it's his way of dealing with stress. But I do still feel like I'm all alone because he never has any solutions to anything. I come up with ideas and he agrees with me. Good ones or bad ones. I'd like to hear different perspective, you know?

    L, I missed your post but saw the earlier one. I've been thinking about you a lot and my heart goes out to you. I wish I could be helpful.

    Mama to Bobbie 20 ~ Jesi 18 ~ Syd 14 ~ Conner 6
    I'm gonna be a Gramama! Jesi is due 11/22/13


  4. #21994
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    L, I missed your post but I'm thinking of you and hope you can get through your issue.
    Me (40) DH (47) & furbabies * m/c 7/08 4/12 11/12

  5. #21995
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    Well, I just texted my friend who first contacted me about the adoption. I just said, "Do you know if your daughter's friend is interested in adoption? K and I have been talking about it." She replied with "Yes do you want her number? She is 21." I answered that I'd rather contact her first be email as I wasn't sure this was something we could even make happen, but I'm interested in pursuing it.

    Eeek!
    Me (40) DH (47) & furbabies * m/c 7/08 4/12 11/12

  6. #21996
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    Double post
    Last edited by Gwenn; 07-27-2011 at 06:57 PM.
    Me (40) DH (47) & furbabies * m/c 7/08 4/12 11/12

  7. #21997

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    Eeek! is right! I am glad you are at least following up to get more information. I look forward to hearing updates, Gwenn.

    "Any idiot can face a crisis; it is this day-to-day living that wears you out." -Anton Chekhov


  8. #21998
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    Well, first update is that the mother is apparently working with an adoption agency, and I have the info to contact the agency. Which I think is great for her. I'm wondering, though, if it would change things from our end. Seems like the agency can set her up with a list of parents who are already waiting, so why would she use us? Well, we'll see. I'll probably contact the agency tomorrow.
    Me (40) DH (47) & furbabies * m/c 7/08 4/12 11/12

  9. #21999

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    How exciting Mandy! Keep us updated!

  10. #22000

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    Quote Originally Posted by 3andMe View Post
    Shoot, I'm scared to write anything too personal anymore.
    I wish this wasn't so. I know what you mean, though. If you weren't a mod, I would say just start a new account with a new name and no identifying photos or anything. I wish there was a way you could talk about it without being worried.

    "Any idiot can face a crisis; it is this day-to-day living that wears you out." -Anton Chekhov


  11. #22001
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    You could always have a second anonymous account.
    Me (40) DH (47) & furbabies * m/c 7/08 4/12 11/12

  12. #22002
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    Oh Mandy. Eek. I'm so anxious for you.

    Quote Originally Posted by girlwonder View Post
    I wish this wasn't so. I know what you mean, though. If you weren't a mod, I would say just start a new account with a new name and no identifying photos or anything. I wish there was a way you could talk about it without being worried.
    Facebook group? They can be set to private so that even your 'friends' can't see you're a member of it.

    Mama to Bobbie 20 ~ Jesi 18 ~ Syd 14 ~ Conner 6
    I'm gonna be a Gramama! Jesi is due 11/22/13


  13. #22003
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    I think my cat peed on my backpack!

    Mama to Bobbie 20 ~ Jesi 18 ~ Syd 14 ~ Conner 6
    I'm gonna be a Gramama! Jesi is due 11/22/13


  14. #22004
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    3andMe is offline Every day is a gift. It's just... does it have to be a pair of socks? Hopelessly Devoted
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    Quote Originally Posted by girlwonder View Post
    I wish this wasn't so. I know what you mean, though. If you weren't a mod, I would say just start a new account with a new name and no identifying photos or anything. I wish there was a way you could talk about it without being worried.
    Two accounts aren't allowed, mod or no mod.

    It's not like what I wanted to say was so bad, I just like to keep my private life kind of private, and I specifically know that dh knows about this room, so even if I came on anonymously and talked about a disagreement, he would know it was me talking about us if he cared to look. He is usually really good about allotting me privacy, but who knows if he might be curious in this particular situation? Or my sister is a huge snoop, and I know she googles family members because she sends me articles about other people she finds. Right after I posted the last thing, I looked at the list of users to see who was looking at what, and out of everyone I saw 5 guests browsing Secular Confessions and it made me nervous. I have to confess, though, it drives me crazy when people post things and then remove them, so I apologize to you all.

    I'm doing better today. Yesterday I just felt awful, just physically and emotionally wrung out. I'm also super-busy today, but only have one child and not as much screeching (thank goodness).

    Anyway, I'm sorry I've been so caught up in my own stuff I haven't been paying as much attention to all of yours. Chrissy, wash your backpack and put carpet shampoo on the surrounding area right away before your cat decides to make a habit of it!

    Mandy, keep us posted! I'm sure you have a zillion things going through your head, too.


  15. #22005
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    No worries, L; we're here for ya, lady.

    Anyone heard from Kate? I haven't seen a post from her on here...that's just me being nosy.

    We had beautiful weather here today! It was like 70 degrees and the sun was shining, so I took my 2 boys and SIL took her 3 kids to the pub across the field from our house....it was a much longer walk than it needed to be, but it was fun. And the boys enjoyed eating potato chips (or crisps as they call them here) and a drink of sodie pop as we sat under a tree on a hill outside the pub...I love days like this.

  16. #22006
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    double post
    Last edited by AmeriBrit; 07-28-2011 at 01:19 PM.

  17. #22007
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    Oops, I think I broke APA rules and created a 2nd account to test things right after there was a big change. I can't remember if I did, or if I just thought about it. If I did, I don't remember what name I gave myself Or the pw for that matter.

    Quote Originally Posted by 3andMe View Post
    Chrissy, wash your backpack and put carpet shampoo on the surrounding area right away before your cat decides to make a habit of it!
    I'm sure it's our fault. We forgot to bring our litter box (it's on the back porch at our other house waiting to be cleaned thoroughly) and likely she got desperate when we were all sleeping. The only other time she had an accident was about 15 years ago and she had been hit by a car that day. But yeah, I'm definitely cleaning the mess up. I left my backpack on the floor next to a pile of boxes.

    for the other stuff.

    Mama to Bobbie 20 ~ Jesi 18 ~ Syd 14 ~ Conner 6
    I'm gonna be a Gramama! Jesi is due 11/22/13


  18. #22008
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    Stupid computuer
    Last edited by Smplyme89; 07-28-2011 at 01:36 PM.

    Things are a little crazy, but I'm loving every minute of it My Blog


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    Stupid computuer
    Last edited by Smplyme89; 07-28-2011 at 01:36 PM.

    Things are a little crazy, but I'm loving every minute of it My Blog


  20. #22010
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    Just wanted to pop in and say

    Things have been super crazy with Nolan's appointments and I'm doing a course in prep for the new semester so free time has been nonexistent

    Mandy that is So exciting! I've got my for you!
    L I'm sorry your so stressed
    Bridget to your man! Lying is unneccesary and trying to justify it is even worse AND You are an awesome mom!
    Chrissy I'm sorry your having such a hard time lately. My DH will get distracted when he goes off to do things as well. Something that "should" take less than 30mins takes him a couple hours Men! and I agree with L I would probably wash that backpack and surrounding ASAP before the kitty makes it his/her new spot!

    Things are a little crazy, but I'm loving every minute of it My Blog


  21. #22011

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    Thanks for thinking of me, Ash. I've been here, not sure how vocal I've been but I'm here. Things are just bad around here. I had my therapist appt. today and I can't say she was a big help. She gave me a couple psychiatrist rec's if I want to go on medicine, which I do, but for which of the myriad of problems I have, I'm not sure. She suggested we take Josh to a dr. who specializes in kids that age so we can get to the bottom of what is making him fight us on everything but I feel kind of bad about doing that; although I know in my heart there should be no stigma in asking for professional help when it comes to parenting, it feels like everyone around me copes just fine and doesn't need to take their kid to a child psych. I mean I look at you guys handling multiple kids and multiple problems, much bigger problems than a 4 year old who likes to argue and I feel like I just suck at coping with life. I just feel like a huge failure in so many things right now.

  22. #22012
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    Kate, you aren't a failure. I think you're a really good mom who has a kid who just isn't easy. Not your fault in the least, and nothing wrong with getting help! Maybe there is something the doctor can do for Josh.

    I'm thinking of you. I hate that you sound so down about yourself.
    Me (40) DH (47) & furbabies * m/c 7/08 4/12 11/12

  23. #22013

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    Quote Originally Posted by Gwenn View Post
    Kate, you aren't a failure. I think you're a really good mom who has a kid who just isn't easy. Not your fault in the least, and nothing wrong with getting help! Maybe there is something the doctor can do for Josh.

    I'm thinking of you. I hate that you sound so down about yourself.

    That's what my therapist says but I really don't think I'm a good mom. Of course I'm not at the end of the spectrum with those who hurt their children but I just feel like I have no clue most of the time.


    I left him with my friend from church while I went to the appt. and when I went to pick him up he threw a fit because I said he couldn't have popcorn in the car. First of all they didn't even offer him a snack for the ride, he just expected it. Then when they said he could bring some crackers or something he refused. He just wanted their popcorn. Well he had a drink already and I didn't want him to have popcorn, actually I really didn't want him to have a snack at all because we were 10 minutes from home and I don't usually let him eat in the car. But he had his juice and I had to basically drag him out of their house because he kept running upstairs when everyone else was outside. It was embarassing. I'm sure he was an angel while I was gone and the second I show up it's like he's a different kid.

  24. #22014
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    Kate, that doesn't mean that YOU made that happen, whether he was an angel or not. I've often thought Josh has a hard time transitioning from one thing to the next and what you just described is an excellent example of that. That has NOTHING to do with your parenting. That's something that's just a part of Josh.
    Me (40) DH (47) & furbabies * m/c 7/08 4/12 11/12

  25. #22015

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    Yeah, he does have a hard time transitioning. What can I do to help him with that? I mean when he flat out refuses what am I supposed to do? I try to tempt him with things we can do at home (or wherever we're going) and it doesn't help.

  26. #22016
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    Some of the things we use are visual schedules, timers, and giving notice in advance of changes to come (like "1 more minute to play, then clean up, then lunchtime"). That way they don't get hit with change without time to mentally prepare for it. I can google some good visual schedule resources for you if you'd like.
    Me (40) DH (47) & furbabies * m/c 7/08 4/12 11/12

  27. #22017
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    Quote Originally Posted by daylilies View Post
    Yeah, he does have a hard time transitioning. What can I do to help him with that? I mean when he flat out refuses what am I supposed to do? I try to tempt him with things we can do at home (or wherever we're going) and it doesn't help.
    As far as flat out refusing, that's one thing we try to head off before it happens with the schedules. Then when we get the "no" comments we simply tell them to check their schedule. What is on the schedule isn't a choice. Otherwise we give as many choices as we can so they have freedom within structure if that makes sense. We also use rewards like you say when things go well just to reinforce that.
    Me (40) DH (47) & furbabies * m/c 7/08 4/12 11/12

  28. #22018

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    Thing is I really hate schedules. The day just doesn't work like that. Sure, if we have a class or playdate scheduled that's fine but other than that we do what works for us, like when we eat or when we go for a walk or go to the park. I can't predict what we'll want to do at what time. Do I really have to? LOL

  29. #22019
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    Well, you don't have to have a fixed schedule, but you do certain things in a certain order, right? Like when you pick him up, he knows he has to get in the car and then you go home and eat lunch (or out to eat lunch, either way car then lunch then play). Visual schedules work more like that, letting him know the sequence of things that will happen, than like a schedule you would use for a list of college classes or something. Make sense?

    I apologize because my internet died for a while there but I'm watching a video online about visual schedules and if I like it, I'll link to it. Trying to see how much of it would apply to you.
    Me (40) DH (47) & furbabies * m/c 7/08 4/12 11/12

  30. #22020

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    That might work. Thanks I'm back and forth from the computer here too so it's not like I'm tapping my foot waiting for you to give me answers ;)

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