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Thread: Secular Confessions

  1. #21091

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    Oh and I have that article opened on another tab and I will read it and respond in a little bit, Erin. Thanks!

  2. #21092
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    3andMe is offline Every day is a gift. It's just... does it have to be a pair of socks? Hopelessly Devoted
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    I got to see about 15 minutes of the preschool graduation -- it's the class ahead of the twins' and they were supposed to be participating in the ceremony by singing songs and stuff. Anyway, they sang an intro song and then the graduating kids started standing up one at a time and stating their names and what they wanted to be when they grew up, and I got all teary just watching that.

    Then Ro started loudly telling all the videotaping parents about the cool contrails in the sky and the baby wouldn't stop trying to go join them, so I picked them up and left. I can't imagine how I'm going to be able to stop myself from crying next year, and for all the upcoming events.

    Good luck, Chrissy. (I really want to call you Wissy now. I wasn't called Wydia so much as Olivia or Livie.)


    Kate, I think it's really common for kids to want what their parents have. Out of all of mine, our baby is the biggest beggar of them all. He can be super-full, but if there is an adult eating, he will wander from plate to plate, crying and begging for food, no matter what it is. Dh uses this as a technique for our picky eaters, actually. Even if we're all having the same food, if one of them is turning a nose up at the selection, he'll say, "Oh good, more for me!" and start moving some to his plate. That will usually spark a protest and more interest from Ro at least, who finds any food more interesting if it is on an adult's plate.

    My dad (speaking of your dh, Erin) actually not only takes food off other people's plates without asking, he will take bites and then put it back if he doesn't like it (like with chocolate) or take entire meals if he does. He will absent-mindedly consume your entire meal during dinner if you're not paying attention. It doesn't do any good to cook a meal for a potluck and label it "Hands off! This means you!" in the fridge, because he'll either ignore the sign or maybe even eat it. We've had the best luck hiding food in the oven.

    And I tend to get worked up about certain behaviors as well, like Bridget mentioned, that are probably harmless and would go away on their own if ignored. It's just so hard! And being frazzled doesn't help. Blowing spit bubbles is a big one for me.

    My most recent homeless man incident involved an unkempt man staggering up to me in the parking lot when my arms were full of some printer parts I was returning, my diaper bag, and my baby. He said, "Hey, you, I have been throwing up blood and am HIV positive and have a really high fever and need some bus fare to get to the hospital." He should have worked on his technique. As capable as I am handling this type of illness in the hospital situation, nobody with a baby in her arms wants someone with an infectious and projectile illness getting anywhere close to her.

    Congrats on the job, Mylah! My sister got a job she wasn't overly excited about yesterday, too. She told me she didn't want me to hear it from our hairdresser.
    Last edited by 3andMe; 06-25-2011 at 09:17 AM.


  3. #21093

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    Erin, I just read that article. It makes complete sense.

  4. #21094
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    I just read that article too. I'm not sure I care for how the author phrases that she doesn't care what happens to her friend, because I'm pretty sure I'd care if my friend were murdered by her abusive husband, but I get what she's saying. If he/she is a real friend, you won't care what choices they make in their personal life. That I agree with.

    But it's significantly harder to play out when your kids are teens. While I don't care if the neighbor's 18 year old goes out and gets sh1tfaced for graduation and dances topless on top of a car in the middle of town, I'd sure as heck have a few choice words to tell my own daughter about it if she did it! But that's only true for my kids...anyone else-have at it!

    Mama to Bobbie 20 ~ Jesi 18 ~ Syd 14 ~ Conner 6
    I'm gonna be a Gramama! Jesi is due 11/22/13


  5. #21095

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    I haven't read the article all the way through yet, but I have to say I do care what my son does with himself, to some extent. Sure if he's happy that's great but I would also, at this point, like him to listen to me and my requests.

  6. #21096
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    I know what you're saying Kate. It just takes time. I know it's easy for me to say because I've been there, done that, but I do recall feeling so frustrated and wondering if they'd ever 'get it' and listen to even the most basic rules...or if I was even handling it right because some things they just didn't seem to grasp. One that stands out is my "Number One Rule" which was "don't touch!" whenever we went into a store. I wish I had a nickel for every time I said, "what's the number one rule? don't touch!" to Bobbie and Jessie when they were young. There were other things, but that one felt like it just went on and on and on and OOOONNNNNN!!!!!!

    Mama to Bobbie 20 ~ Jesi 18 ~ Syd 14 ~ Conner 6
    I'm gonna be a Gramama! Jesi is due 11/22/13


  7. #21097

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    I only thought of dbf when I read the article.

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    Quote Originally Posted by bridgetwu75 View Post
    I only thought of dbf when I read the article.
    I think I thought of my teens because they're the source of my discontent. Right now.

    I'm not sure I could 'let go' of Rich's drinking if that had continued. It really had a negative impact on my life and my kid's life. But other stuff--I really don't care. He does a lot of things that make me go but whatever. I'm sure he feels the same about me!!

    Mama to Bobbie 20 ~ Jesi 18 ~ Syd 14 ~ Conner 6
    I'm gonna be a Gramama! Jesi is due 11/22/13


  9. #21099

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    Yeah, I don't think I could not care about the kids either. I mostly thought of DH with it and a few adult family members. But it really is what I have done with DH and I do think it has made a huge impact.

    I remember posting here after I started working and he was not helping me do anything and I p!ssed off at him. I was even having headaches constantly and was just in a rage inside, like my heart racing and everything. He told me that he didn't care if I got mad about it when I brought it up to him. So I decided to not care what the heck he did and I would just do what I could when I could. He complained about the house not being as cleaned and I would tell him to clean up or shut up and that I didn't care about his complaining so stop complaining so much about stuff he wasn't doing anyway. He actually stopped complaining as much. He gets worked up about little things the kids do, like Ky not remembering how orbits and rotations of the solar system work, or Ky not wanting to practice the guitar and complaining to me about it so I just put it back on him. What was he doing to teach him more about science? What was he doing to make him practice more? Elle started talking back a lot more recently, he complained to me about that, what was I going to do? So I asked him what was he going to do? How was he setting a good example and teaching her the correct behavior without escalating the situation. I asked him questions like this about every thing he complained about and recently he told me that he should do more with the kids and with chores around the house (I thought the world was going to end in that moment, I held it back but wanted to look like this ). He thought I was working too hard and not able to focus on things the way I used to. Again I was like inside. And he has actually stepped up and cooked and done chores without me telling him to, which I have been badgering him to do for years.

    So this sort of logic did work out for him so far. We have yet to see how long it will last. But regardless I am not going to care anyway since it is much less stressful not to care. Now if he does something that bothers me or that I cannot get over (like constant drinking, drug use, abuse, or continuous cheating) then I will just leave and not care how he feels about that either.

    Erin

  10. #21100

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    Forgot to mention Lydia, I have run into quite a few HIV positive people looking to get on the bus and want some change to go to the doctor. Luckily they have never been spitting up blood, but they do usually approach me while I am holding Elle and loading groceries in my van.

    Erin
    Last edited by Ky'sMom; 06-25-2011 at 09:41 PM.

  11. #21101

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    I feel like I have that same sort of thing going on with dbf over here but it's hard for me to have a careless attitude about things he does that I feel bring negativity to our kids' lives.
    But I do think that when I manage to be happy in spite of his actions and when I remember that I can only control myself and I cannot control any other adult, things are much more harmonious around here in general.

    My aunts were lovely. The one brought her granddaughter, my cousin's daughter who is about 9 and the other brought my 2 cousins who are 7 and 17. We had a really, really great day. I feel very thankful they made the drive to come and see us. I kept having these fleeting thoughts of how I wanted to tell my mom about it.

    I have this skin condition called ketaris polaris on the back of my arms. It has gotten so bad since my pregnancy with Sawyer that every single time I wear a tshirt or tank top, someone comments on how "I must have gotten some sun." It is really red in color but upon closer inspection it's bumpy. As far as I ever knew it has no cure but it's been brought to my attention that cutting dairy in your diet can make it go away. I love dairy but think I should give it a try to make this go away. Just earlier, laying in bed with Savana, i was trying to talk myself into thinking that it wouldn't be so hard to cut dairy. I drifted off to sleep and when I woke up I made myself a vanilla bean ice cream cone and washed it down with a glass of milk.
    Guess I will start tomorrow!

  12. #21102
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    Interesting about the article. I haven't read it yet so I'm sure I'll miss part of the greater point, but just off the top of my head, I'm okay with living and letting live for the most part but if it directly affects me it's much harder. DH fortunately doesn't drink any longer but we talked about it once really as an abstract and he said the thing is when someone is drinking heavily that you need to "treat them like the person you want them to be." It really, really bothered him that I complained about his drinking and he says it made him drink more. I can somewhat see the logic, but, the thing is, for me if he drank again it would be a deal-breaker. I'm just not going down that road and his actions are going to have a consequence, which in this case would mean I would leave. I am not going to wait around for him to suddenly change his ways because I treated him well, because that isn't how it works. I use positive behavior support with my kids but pbs doesn't mean I just let him continue his negative behavior while ignoring it. When he was drinking, if he wanted a drink he was going to drink and there was really no way I could have reacted that would have changed that. So I can't just "not care." Even if I left, I'm just not emotionally detached enough that his choices wouldn't hurt me because it would mean a lot of change in my life.

    All abstract, though, because he did quit drinking and we are as much (or more) in love as we have ever been. Wow, I just rambled.

    DH and I had a pretty deep conversation tonight. Over the last 2 weeks, we've eaten out 3 times. Once at a mid-level chain restaurant, once at a nicer locally owned restaurant, and once at fast food (yes, Bridget, I admit it! Shame on me!) Every single time they got something about our order wrong. If it was just the fast food restaurant I wouldn't be so surprised, but it was every one of those places including the locally owned restaurant where you would think the management would be concerned about maintaining a certain standard. That dinner cost us over $50 including tip for two dinners and a bowl of soup large enough to share. The waitress completely forgot our drink order and then when another staff member brought us two glasses of water (significantly after we placed our order) he asked if he could bring us anything else to drink, totally unaware we had ordered anything. Then DH wanted to take the soup home because I didn't want any and there was enough to make a meal for lunch. They took it in back to box it up and we never saw it again. They never did bring it out and DH was determined not to ask for it to see if they would remember to bring it. They didn't. Also the waitress didn't write down our order and then came back from the kitchen, saying to me, "just to make sure I get it right, you ordered the shrimp?" I didn't, I ordered the chicken. She did get it right and I'm glad she checked, but why didn't she just write it down if she can't remember? I just get so tired of spending money on good food and having them get it wrong.

    When we went to the chain restaurant, they didn't write the order down either. Then the waitress came back from the kitchen and said, "just to make sure I get it right, you ordered french fries and corn?" No, I ordered mashed potatoes and corn. She brought me french fries and mashed potatoes with dinner, no corn. How does that even make sense?

    DH and I had a long talk about how it just seems like people don't take pride in their work. They really don't care if they get it right or wrong, so long as no one complains. I think it's a shame that people don't value doing things right just to do them right. Seems like we are losing something in society. And it's really sad considering the levels of unemployment that people who do have jobs don't put in at least some effort considering how many people are out there that would love to have even a basic fast food job.
    Last edited by Gwenn; 06-25-2011 at 11:24 PM.
    Me (40) DH (47) & furbabies * m/c 7/08 4/12 11/12

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    Okay, on a positive note (since I complained throughout my last post), my niece is apparently considering coming here for college! She still has two years of HS left so she's still got a lot of time to make up her mind, but how fun would it be to have her here in town with me! Plus, as my mother said, that would make her the 4th generation of our family to go to that school: my grandfather, both my parents, and me. Plus all my aunts/uncles on my mom's side. B is not interested because it's near family, but because it is a great school. The other two schools she is looking at are private.
    Me (40) DH (47) & furbabies * m/c 7/08 4/12 11/12

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    Mandy, that sounds like British customer service to me! These people have no idea what service is!

    Today is my missing cousin's birthday. He would've been 30. He's been missing 8 months now. I don't think we'll ever see him again.

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    Mandy, that sounds like British customer service to me! These people have no idea what service is!

    Today is my missing cousin's birthday. He would've been 30. He's been missing 8 months now. I don't think we'll ever see him again.

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    Oh, no, Ash! Birthdays are always so hard. I hope you can find some sort of resolution.
    Me (40) DH (47) & furbabies * m/c 7/08 4/12 11/12

  17. #21107
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    Thanks, Mandy. I keep hoping they'll find something or someone who knows something.

    On a lighter note...my BIL had a vasectomy done on Friday and my SIL was telling my DH about how he walked out of the hospital at a snail's pace and like John Wayne and DH was like, "That poor man, couldn't they have found him a wheelchair?!" We all laughed so hard. Men don't know pain.

  18. #21108
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    Quote Originally Posted by Ky'sMom View Post
    ... Now if he does something that bothers me or that I cannot get over (like constant drinking, drug use, abuse, or continuous cheating) then I will just leave and not care how he feels about that either.

    Erin
    omg-that's hilarious!! I love your attitude and how you express things! And ita with you.

    Bridget-I'm glad you had a great time with your family.

    As far as customer service and people not valuing their jobs any more, I wonder how much of it is that and how much of it is that they have less people working than they really need. Although I don't get them not writing the order down, perhaps it's some perception the restaurants want to portray-that they just don't need to? I dunno...I know that I personally care very much about my work and try to always do things right, but I'm human and I don't. It's especially hard to 'be there' for people that need computer help when we have deadlines for our scans and could probably use another person to help us right now. I'm sure I'm not alone in that the more I have to do, the more likely it is I will forget the most basic, simple thing.

    Mama to Bobbie 20 ~ Jesi 18 ~ Syd 14 ~ Conner 6
    I'm gonna be a Gramama! Jesi is due 11/22/13


  19. #21109
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    Chrissy, I know what you are saying and I'm certainly not perfect. I know what it's like to be overwhelmed at work, too. But, and maybe this has to do with where I live, it just seems like this is something that happens everywhere I go with only a few exceptions. In one of the examples I gave, the restaurant was mostly empty, maybe only five tables, and there were plenty of staff there. So I don't think it's just being overwhelmed although I'm sure that's part of it.
    Me (40) DH (47) & furbabies * m/c 7/08 4/12 11/12

  20. #21110
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    Hm, I assumed the restaurants were full.

    I know I've wondered about the people that work in nursing homes specifically. My sil is a CNA and she's had the most atrocious stories to tell. She's worked in nearly every nursing home in our area and not one of them is any better than another. Aides would hang in a patient's room and watch soaps all day. One watched all the soaps, so she'd neglect her other patients. The other aides got tired of picking up her slack, so they let this one gentleman sit in his wheelchair in the hall with messed pants (he'd pooped & had a blowout) from 9-something in the morning till after 2. That's just one example and it goes on every day. Jamie says the only ones that really get taken care of are the people that have visitors every day, nearly all day. Some (very few) will have a visitor come in the morning and spend most the day with them. They're obviously taken care of very well...but those that only have visitors on weekends or not at all are severely neglected. I'm sure my sil does what she's supposed to, but she's just one person and they're definitely under-staffed, even by state regs. They rarely schedule the minimum required number of CNA's per shift, and they always have at least 1 person call in...usually more.

    So those people-I've definitely wondered...why even work in the field? Even with all the state regs, they hire the worst of the worst and people that offend or get fired at one nursing home are often quickly hired at another just down the street. The whole system really pisses me off. I'd rather die than go into one myself.

    Mama to Bobbie 20 ~ Jesi 18 ~ Syd 14 ~ Conner 6
    I'm gonna be a Gramama! Jesi is due 11/22/13


  21. #21111
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    Ugh. What you are saying is one of the reasons I won't work in a nursing home. I'm certified to work in any setting and skilled nursing facilities pay really well so lots of people will work there just to make some extra cash, even just over summer break or one friend so she could go work on her doctorate full time and not have to work a full time job. I've heard they are just about the worst places to work and I just don't have the desire. In my experience doing a practicum at a hospital, I agree with what your SIL says about CNAs. It's pretty sad.
    Me (40) DH (47) & furbabies * m/c 7/08 4/12 11/12

  22. #21112
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    Quote Originally Posted by Gwenn View Post
    Ugh. What you are saying is one of the reasons I won't work in a nursing home. I'm certified to work in any setting and skilled nursing facilities pay really well so lots of people will work there just to make some extra cash, even just over summer break or one friend so she could go work on her doctorate full time and not have to work a full time job. I've heard they are just about the worst places to work and I just don't have the desire. In my experience doing a practicum at a hospital, I agree with what your SIL says about CNAs. It's pretty sad.
    I think part of the problem is they pay the CNA's crap. They'd likely recruit a higher 'class' of workers if they paid better. My sil has been doing it for 13 years and only makes $12/hour. She works 50 hours a week when she can because she's a single mom of 3 and isn't eligible for any help whatsoever. The father of her kids is ordered to pay $25 a MONTH for child support (he's an unemployed drug addict) and he doesn't even do that much. She tried to go to school to become and LPN but she just couldn't do it because she didn't have enough time to work if she's in school.

    Mama to Bobbie 20 ~ Jesi 18 ~ Syd 14 ~ Conner 6
    I'm gonna be a Gramama! Jesi is due 11/22/13


  23. #21113
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    $25 a month and he can't pay? That's just disgusting. That's too bad about her not being able to go back to school. I agree, the pay is a big part of the problem.
    Me (40) DH (47) & furbabies * m/c 7/08 4/12 11/12

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    Oh he's the worst. She recently called his aunt to see if she could borrow money for her daughter's braces and his aunt mentioned that my sil still hadn't cashed a check that she sent for the kids at Christmas. Jamie didn't know what she was talking about-she'd never received even a card for the kids. Deadbeat kept it. It's not about the kids with him, it's all about him and he makes Jamie pay dearly for leaving him every single chance he gets. When they were together she had to sleep with her money in her sock because he'd steal it to buy dope.

    Mama to Bobbie 20 ~ Jesi 18 ~ Syd 14 ~ Conner 6
    I'm gonna be a Gramama! Jesi is due 11/22/13


  25. #21115

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    Wow I have missed a lot! LOL where's the Cliff's notes?

    I went to that ren fest today with the women's group...I really don't fit in with them but they do some fun things! They are all older and divorced, mostly. Josh was at the inlaws so I actually got to go and take my time and buy some things.

  26. #21116
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    I'm glad that you had a good time, Kate.

    On the nursing home subject, I worked in one as a cleaner in between high school and college. It was awful. I would never put any family members in one or go in to one ever! They are such sad places.

    Yesterday was a really good day. We actually had hot weather. Like 90 degrees! Travis stripped off and splashed in the paddling pool.

    Today, I am making dh an appointment to have his consultation for a vasectomy. He's been avoiding it.

  27. #21117
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    Double post
    Last edited by AmeriBrit; 06-27-2011 at 12:28 AM.

  28. #21118
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    Yay for a good time Kate!!

    Oh Ash, that's a big deal. I can kinda empathize with him for wanting to avoid it. Men are funny about their junk.

    I came in to my door alarm chirping. It usually does that when the battery is low, but it's been changed recently and it seemed louder and more frequent than normal. When I pulled the cover off, the bottom of the 9-volt battery had popped open. It didn't leak anything, but golly. I hope that's not an indication on how today is going to go.

    Mama to Bobbie 20 ~ Jesi 18 ~ Syd 14 ~ Conner 6
    I'm gonna be a Gramama! Jesi is due 11/22/13


  29. #21119

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    I got another DM from Joe

    Who wants to tell me about dogs? I really think Josh would benefit from one...I am fixated on German Sheperds! But are they really a lot of work? We have a big fenced in yard and of course we would make sure he'd be good with Josh and our cats. (I say he, but I'm up for a girl doggie too)

  30. #21120
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    German Shepherds are awesome! They're supposed to be good with kids, but I'd wonder if a young one might be too rambunctious for a small child like Josh and may bite & hurt? Not bite as in mean, but you know how dogs play. I'd worry about that with any larger dog though.

    That said, if you got one that was 2 years old already, the worst of the puppy years are behind them. Where are you looking? Breeders or rescue groups?

    Mama to Bobbie 20 ~ Jesi 18 ~ Syd 14 ~ Conner 6
    I'm gonna be a Gramama! Jesi is due 11/22/13


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