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Thread: Secular Confessions

  1. #20761

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    I just got an invitation to another party with no presents! These poor kids! lol

  2. #20762
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    What happened with the last one? Did parents really bring their kids without a gift? I can't imagine doing that.

    Mama to Bobbie 20 ~ Jesi 18 ~ Syd 14 ~ Conner 6
    I'm gonna be a Gramama! Jesi is due 11/22/13


  3. #20763

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    That party is on Sat. The next one is in July. It's actually like a group party for a bunch of kids with summer birthdays, I guess.

  4. #20764
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    If that's the case, I can understand why they'd say no gift. It could be difficult for people to buy multiple presents. If it were me, however, I think I would have requested each invitee bring a gift without a name tag and then the birthday kids could pick one. Or draw a name and buy a gift for just that child.

    Maybe I'm just too old fashioned! I can't fathom having a party for my kids without gifts.

    Mama to Bobbie 20 ~ Jesi 18 ~ Syd 14 ~ Conner 6
    I'm gonna be a Gramama! Jesi is due 11/22/13


  5. #20765
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    3andMe is offline Every day is a gift. It's just... does it have to be a pair of socks? Hopelessly Devoted
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    If I were to have a birthday party for the twins, I would request no gifts. If you want me to elaborate on anything, go ahead and ask - I will answer to the best of my ability without being offended. I'll see if I can tell you my reasons off the top of my head.

    1. We have a ton of stuff, not a whole lot of room to put it, and if we were to get a bunch more stuff (say, 10 or 20 presents), I would need to either box up a bunch of their existing toys that they love or donate them. The toys that they have now are cherished and well-loved and a lot of them were given to them or made by friends and family. Right now we have two boxes of toys in storage, and 2 1/2 closets full of toys in addition to the rack of toy bins in the living room and their play kitchen.

    2. Despite knowing how we feel about presents for the most part, and asking for museum memberships or things like gymnastics classes or swimming classes instead of toys for the children, my dad and dh's mom have gotten the twins boxes and boxes of toys in the past six months. This was also knowing that we were considering moving and trying to get rid of as much stuff as possible. After my dad left from his last visit this spring, for the next two weeks we got a box almost every day from a toy company, with toys or contraptions. We still haven't opened all of them.

    3. We get random presents from people we don't know, or have only met once. Someone who is a friend of my dad's hand-made us three dream-catchers, one for each child, with elaborate descriptions of each item in it and the meaning behind it. They had semi-precious stones in them and seashells from Madagascar and butterfly wings from Kilimanjaro, etc. The sister of a friend of my mom's sent the twins a complete play kitchen accessory set for Christmas, despite the fact that they already had one. However, they opened it and didn't want to give it up. A secretary who works at the hospital where my dad works sends us books every 3 months.

    4. Sometimes the presents cause a lot of problems. Just a few weeks ago, a friend of my dad's was in town and brought Claire a present. Just Claire. He brought her a pillow pet. She loves it, but it messed up the entire bedding arrangement on the twins' bed, and Ro was sad.

    5. Finally, and most importantly, my twins are still most excited and happy at the thought of having a party, of having a lot of people in one place, and having balloons. When asked what they want for their 4th birthday, they both answered balloons. I love that their pleasures are still simple, and that they don't expect presents. There will be time enough to develop that material expectation, but right now we have (more than) everything we need and want, and they are not deprived by not having presents. In fact, they have more presents than they could possibly use. I don't know what I'm going to do when the presents start rolling in for their birthday.


  6. #20766
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    I guess that's where our experiences differ greatly. My kids have historically only received presents on their birthday or for Christmas. I've only had one acquaintance by my kids anything...ever. She bought Bobbie and Jessica a used toy vacuum for $3 when they were 2 and 3. I remember being very touched that she thought of my kids-and how thrilled they were with the surprise gift. The only reason why she told me how much it cost was because I was so shocked she'd done that...she said, "Oh, it's no big deal. It was only $3." But still...I didn't (and still don't) know people that are that giving to kids.

    Mama to Bobbie 20 ~ Jesi 18 ~ Syd 14 ~ Conner 6
    I'm gonna be a Gramama! Jesi is due 11/22/13


  7. #20767
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    3andMe is offline Every day is a gift. It's just... does it have to be a pair of socks? Hopelessly Devoted
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    Ah, I see. If that were one of only two opportunities of the year for presents, I can see why you would be sad that it was being taken away. For me, we feel overwhelmed with the barrage of presents and stuff almost constantly, and the idea of having a bunch more added on is really unwelcome.


  8. #20768
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    Makes sense. I'd still have a very difficult time attending a party without a gift. I'd definitely be bringing a prepaid swimming lesson or tickets to the zoo or something!

    Mama to Bobbie 20 ~ Jesi 18 ~ Syd 14 ~ Conner 6
    I'm gonna be a Gramama! Jesi is due 11/22/13


  9. #20769
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    I wouldn't want to show up without a gift either.

    I wonder if it's because you have twins? That maybe people think about them more or remember them more.....or it could just be the people you know.

    My cousins are about to turn 7 and 9. I would LOVE to buy them gifts but don't. Their moms spoil them like crazy and they have a very rich, very elderly grandma on the side that isn't mine (my side doesn't have any grandma's). They have way too much stuff and even my mom can't find ideas of things to get for them and she knows them well and spends a lot of time with them.


    Will be interesting to see how things play out with my baby....we have been already waiting years for this kid and probably will wait another year or two. We only plan on having one child. I have already gotten the dog so many toys that DH puts them into rotation because only half fit in her rather large basket. I already have bought some things for the baby and our home study isn't even finished yet. Dh is an only child so this will be his mom's only grandchild and she wants one bad. I only have one sister....and she's younger and not sure she wants kids....but she REALLY wants me to have one and can't wait to be auntie. So might end up the only grandchild for my parents as well. But Dh REALLY REALLY REALLY hates clutter.....so we will see how good a job he does keeping the rest of us under control.
    Hmmmm......think that my baby will end up a spoiled child?
    Last edited by Cosmosmom; 06-16-2011 at 02:23 PM.

    Jennifer, 35, DH 36

  10. #20770

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    It actually doesn't really bother me if people request no presents-I understand the various reasons people have--such as not wanting character toys, or toys from China or other foreign placed. I was just kidding when I said 'those poor kids' lol


    I think it's admirable to raise your kids to not expect presents. I just feel sort of awkward like what if it's one of those things where the host says 'no really, no presents' but everyone brings one anyway? I'd rather know their reservations on getting gifts, such as 'we don't want anything not made in the USA' or "we don't like Dora and that's all anyone ever gives us" and make sure I get something they prefer!

    But you're right, the mass birthday party makes sense to not have presents. I think it's more of an excuse for the adults to get together and let the kids run around.

  11. #20771
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    Well, I got my appointment scheduled. It's over a month from now, although that isn't really surprising. They wanted to schedule it on the day before my anniversary, and DH and I had talked about maybe spending a night or two in one of the resorts around here to celebrate (it's summer and Tucson resorts are usually dead during the summer so offer really cheap rates). Anyway, I explained that it was the day before my anniversary and asked if she had anything else that week. So she asked if I wanted my appointment the next day. Which, obviously, was my anniversary - honestly, if the day before my anniversary wasn't a good time, why would she think the day of my anniversary would be a better time? Yikes! We scheduled it for the following week, which was fine.
    Me (39) DH (46) & furbabies * m/c 7/08 4/12 11/12

  12. #20772

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    I'm glad you got it scheduled. My doctor always schedules things months in advance, giving me enough time to conveniently forget about it.

  13. #20773
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    Yeah, that's about right!
    Me (39) DH (46) & furbabies * m/c 7/08 4/12 11/12

  14. #20774
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    3andMe is offline Every day is a gift. It's just... does it have to be a pair of socks? Hopelessly Devoted
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    Quote Originally Posted by Cosmosmom View Post
    I wonder if it's because you have twins? That maybe people think about them more or remember them more.....or it could just be the people you know.
    It might be just the people we know. I was visiting friends with a five-year-old daughter recently, and they were asking how we handled "all the stuff" we get from people. I asked what they meant specifically, and they gestured to their daughter's small room that was nearly exploding with pink and purple stuffed animals and princess and fairy stuff, and they said that everyone at their jobs keeps giving them things to give to her. Their daughter loves it all, but about once a week they get something new to bring home. They also mentioned that they got something like eight cute little winter jackets this past winter as gifts for her to wear, from various people. It doesn't get cold enough here for that! Maybe one winter jacket, for a trip to the mountains, but that's it. I don't even own a winter jacket. It's ridiculous. I keep feeling like I should get these friends a gift of appreciation for hosting a few nice events in the past year, but I think I probably shouldn't contribute to their problem.

    I don't think it's a geographic thing, either. A lot of the people who are giving me gifts live in Wyoming and are just friends with my parents, or the person who sent the play kitchen stuff lives in Canada (I told you, very remote connection).
    -----------

    Mandy, I'm glad you got the appointment. I know it's probably going to be no fun while you're there and going through the process, but I wish you luck with an understanding and thorough doctor and some answers.


  15. #20775

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    We just don't have birthday parties.

  16. #20776

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    You really don't?
    Not judging...just couldn't tell if you were serious or being facetious

  17. #20777

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    We really don't. We have my dad and brother and sometimes my cousin and her husband since her and I are very close and she's like an aunty to my kids.
    We would totally be the people to request no gifts. In fact, had a big bbq for Savana's first bday as per tradition in Hawaii and asked for no gifts.
    Yup, we're those people

  18. #20778
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    3andMe is offline Every day is a gift. It's just... does it have to be a pair of socks? Hopelessly Devoted
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    We actually haven't had a birthday party yet, either. We have had my mom and my sister and a friend over to dinner and called it a dinner birthday party. The twins loved it. We go for hikes during the day.

    I'm not really prepared for the hoopla that a birthday party would entail in this area--the moms I was talking to at gymnastics are spending $500 or so for singleton birthday parties for this age. I don't like entertaining like that, I don't want to even do the goody bags.


  19. #20779

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    Ugh...
    I love to throw his birthday parties but I don't see the need to spend lots on them.

  20. #20780
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    That's incredible Lydia.

    I really love birthday parties...but until they were in school none of my kids actually had friends over. Just family.

    Mama to Bobbie 20 ~ Jesi 18 ~ Syd 14 ~ Conner 6
    I'm gonna be a Gramama! Jesi is due 11/22/13


  21. #20781
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    Rich has finally heard some more about becoming group leader-or something like it-for his company. He was chosen along with 1 guy from each department to implement this new "lean manufacturing" program that they're starting. Rich and the team will be the ones that decide how each part is handled...and I'm really not sure what else. But they're currently discussing what the salary will be for them.

    I teased him and said it'll be 53 cents.

    Mama to Bobbie 20 ~ Jesi 18 ~ Syd 14 ~ Conner 6
    I'm gonna be a Gramama! Jesi is due 11/22/13


  22. #20782
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    I'm going to be a total post-ho and add...

    Bobbie texted me yesterday that her hearing for whether she can participate in the graduation ceremony is Monday at 10. My heart sank and I was so swamped at work I couldn't respond with any more than, "We'll talk about this later." My problem was that I've already scheduled that time off to be with Sydney for her moving up ceremony. It's quite a big deal. I really felt torn and didn't know what I was going to do.

    Jesi had her appt last night, so we didn't get home till 7:30. Almost as soon as I walked in the door, Rich said he was taking Monday off. I assumed he meant to do stuff at the house, but he said that he wasn't going to let the school walk all over Bobbie and he was going to advocate her for. For all his faults-I do seem to complain about him a lot-he can really step up when he needs to. Even if he doesn't win the battle for her, it will be good for Bobbie to know he has her back.

    Also, she had to be at the school yesterday for some finals. She had numerous teachers approach her to give her a pat on the back or a hug. One even held her face in her hands and said, "You are a beautiful, amazing, wonderful person. I love you." Bobbie said it made her cry. I'm sure they're also advocating like crazy for her.

    Mama to Bobbie 20 ~ Jesi 18 ~ Syd 14 ~ Conner 6
    I'm gonna be a Gramama! Jesi is due 11/22/13


  23. #20783

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    Quote Originally Posted by missychrissy View Post
    I'm going to be a total post-ho and add...

    Bobbie texted me yesterday that her hearing for whether she can participate in the graduation ceremony is Monday at 10. My heart sank and I was so swamped at work I couldn't respond with any more than, "We'll talk about this later." My problem was that I've already scheduled that time off to be with Sydney for her moving up ceremony. It's quite a big deal. I really felt torn and didn't know what I was going to do.

    Jesi had her appt last night, so we didn't get home till 7:30. Almost as soon as I walked in the door, Rich said he was taking Monday off. I assumed he meant to do stuff at the house, but he said that he wasn't going to let the school walk all over Bobbie and he was going to advocate her for. For all his faults-I do seem to complain about him a lot-he can really step up when he needs to. Even if he doesn't win the battle for her, it will be good for Bobbie to know he has her back.

    Also, she had to be at the school yesterday for some finals. She had numerous teachers approach her to give her a pat on the back or a hug. One even held her face in her hands and said, "You are a beautiful, amazing, wonderful person. I love you." Bobbie said it made her cry. I'm sure they're also advocating like crazy for her.

    That is so heart warming that her teachers are sticking up for her like that and her dad!

    Erin

  24. #20784
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    It really is Erin, and I think that speaks volumes for Bobbie's character. If she was a 'bad' student, her teachers wouldn't be so supportive of her through this. It's one thing to have Mom and Dad standing up for her, but something else when it's teachers that have many years to become jaded about troubled kids.

    There's something else that I've thought about...I've complained A LOT about that school, sometimes even to them and very vocally, but they definitely have a 'no soldier left behind' mentality since they held the buses up for 2 hours for those girls. How many other schools (including my beloved Owego) would have left the kids at the police station and made their parents take the 3 or 4 hour trip to go get them? I think I should send them a thank-you note for doing that.
    Last edited by missychrissy; 06-17-2011 at 09:40 AM.

    Mama to Bobbie 20 ~ Jesi 18 ~ Syd 14 ~ Conner 6
    I'm gonna be a Gramama! Jesi is due 11/22/13


  25. #20785

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    Aw Chrissy, how awesome that and her teachers are pulling for her. And that's awesome that Rich is taking the day off!

    The high school I went to had a lot of troubled kids and it seemed like every month at least one kid got kicked out, but I remember a lot of kids who seemed to have a lot of potential would get into trouble, but they wouldn't get kicked out. You could kind of tell the difference between the kids who really didn't care and the ones who just made a bad decision or two.

  26. #20786
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    .....that is all

    Things are a little crazy, but I'm loving every minute of it My Blog


  27. #20787

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    Oh dear...what's the matter?

  28. #20788
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    Myles, I tried to respond on fb about your auntie, just wanted to say I hope you get to see her!

    You guys, I am having such an awesome time volunteering at school. I actually did some teaching today and did some one to one work. Teaching is such a rewarding job.

  29. #20789
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    Myles, I tried to respond on fb about your auntie, just wanted to say I hope you get to see her!

    You guys, I am having such an awesome time volunteering at school. I actually did some teaching today and did some one to one work. Teaching is such a rewarding job.

  30. #20790

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    That's great Ash!

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