Secular Confessions

[Ky'sMom]

So sorry that your DH isn't being more supportive Kate. My DH is not supportive either and I used to be similar to you in that I fed off of outside enthusiasm. I feel being with my DH is changing me in this respect since now I actually am more of a "motivate from within" kind of gal now. I used to look to him for support and encouragement but he is just really absent minded about how to be supportive. I remember once when I had gained a lot of weight after having Elle and I had lost 3 lbs in 3 days and was excited, he said "so, 3 lbs is nothing." And I got so upset, near tears actually because I was still a PP emotional wreck, but after crying about it a couple days I decided to not tell him anything I was doing anymore or of any personal accomplishments that I had made because he was always down playing them and making them seem insignificant, which would in turn make me feel that they were insignificant to and that I should just not try to do certain things.

It took me a while to get that mindset about everything and I still want to share positive things I am doing with him but I am cautious because I don't want to lose my momentum. I have informed him that he is not encouraging and is unsupportive and he swears that he is not, so recently I shared something with him and he said something negative about it and I reminded him how unsupportive he was instead of letting it get to me. He actually apologized and said that his comments were unsupportive and he would try to do better, but I don't count on it. That is just his personality.

I say go ahead and submit the ad if you really want to. We can be a support for you if you need it.

Forgot to mention earlier about your concert. I love me some Markie Mark, I used to slobber over him and I love ALL his movies. I also used to love NKOTB and your posts about your ultimate fan dom always make me smile. I went to one of their concerts years ago when I was 14 in Detroit. It was a good time.

Erin

[daylilies]

I'm glad they make you smile I hope I don't come off like a crazy fan because I'm really low key compared to some. LOL You can do an "ultimate" VIP with them now, it costs $695 and you get to take a picture with them and just you--for regular VIP you go in with a group of 10. You also get front seats (first 5 rows I think) and some free merchandise. One girl I met on the cruise did it. I've seen some of the pics, they are really cute. The guys get into it and do funny poses.

It makes me feel sad that I might not be able to share some of my goals with DH but I'm tired of getting shot down before I even start.

My mother called me tonight--she was in a car accident a few days ago but she is fine. She says she was entering a rotary and she was looking the other way to see if any cars were coming and a school bus stopped in the rotary (a major no no as far as I know) and she hit it. I really hope it wasn't her fault and that they don't make it look like her fault. It scares me to think of my mom becoming a bad driver.

[Ky'sMom]

So glad your mom is okay! Car accidents are so scary to me.

It is sad though when you cannot share your goals with your DH. I get sad about it sometimes, but I just don't want to be held back. When I first decided to do a 5K, DH said I wouldn't finish it. When I did finish it, he said I wasn't fast enough. He is just really bad at being supportive. He thinks the criticisms are support, he has told me this. That when he gets criticized, he wants to prove someone wrong. I can kind of get that line of reasoning but if someone (your wife especially) is constantly telling you that that is not how they respond to such criticisms, it would be kind of you to stop doing it so much.

Erin

[daylilies]

I just stumbled upon this article that described me so well it brought tears to my eyes:
http://jerrybrito.org/post/611430470...out-introverts

[daylilies]

Erin, I'm really sorry DH treated you like that. I don't understand how they can think that's being supportive.

[missychrissy]

You guys are breaking my heart. I'm actually pretty sensitive-at least when it comes to my hopes and dreams. I'd be crushed if Rich weren't supportive of me. I really think it would contribute to a severe depression for me. I really need him to reassure me.

And I think our board is 'public' again (meaning you don't need a user account to view it) because when I first came here this morning I was reading your posts & wasn't signed in. Normally I can't do that.

[missychrissy]

Oh-and Kate, my friend from college posted that article yesterday as well. What a coincidence!

[3andMe]

I'm sorry this is the first chance I've had to post since Mylah posted, and I have to admit this is the first time I've ever been called statuesque so I will graciously accept the compliment. My looks seem to really strike a chord with really old people - I think my features were considered more fashionable or beautiful in the 1930s or so. I don't hear "strikingly attractive" very often from people under 80, so thank you!

We had a good time, too, and my dh was fairly antisocial as well of course, but it is really hard talking when trying to keep track of so many kids. I had to leave mid-story a couple of times just to chase after someone. I was very sorry to hear about your camera.

Boo to all of those unsupportive husbands!!!!!

Okay, I have to clock in and start working. Have a good day, all of you.

[daylilies]

Lydia, I've seen some pictures of you and you do have that sort of look. I can't put my finger on it. I mentioned before you remind me of my aunt and she has that look about her too.

I think that is a big cause of my depression too...I mean I am prone to it either way but if I don't get a lot of outside support and praise I kind of fail to thrive, I think. I think that's why I did so well in my high school, it was very supportive of whatever you wanted to do and encouraged dabbling in many activities. After high school I didn't have that kind of stuff handed to me so I didn't really know who I was or what I wanted to do anymore.

Chrissy, funny that your college friend posted it too!
I think something is up with the board too...it had logged me out when I came on this morning.

[daylilies]

Oh, I see the board update now...it's public again.

[Cosmosmom]

Kate, that article sounds like my DH pretty darn well. I'm in the middle, some of those fit me but some don't.
I'm also another one who went to a New Kids concert....It was within a month of when I turned 12. My dad had to stand outside all night in a cold April to get us tickets. I was with him but he sent me to the car where it was warmer and to get some sleep. My dad even was into the trading cards and had a binder of them in those trading card sleeves. I still think that to this day that was probably one of the best concerts I have been to. The energy in the crowd was just something else and everyone was dancing.
I totally get your fan dom....I'm not like that myself with anything....though I do think of myself as a bit of a Trekkie, I do not speak Klingon. LOL But my sister and Dad are Little Monsters and have seen Lady Gaga something like six or seven times? Sister even has Little Monster tattooed on her ankle.


I'm also sorry for those who unsupportive DH's. I mean mine can kind of be when I start talking about losing weight. But if I actually did manage to lose a few pounds, he would be all excited about that or when I do actually stick to a workout routine for more than 2-3 days, he is willing to say good job. And he's super supportive of my career...he gave up his to follow me on mine.

[daylilies]

LOL! Did you know Lady Gaga opened for nkotb when she was starting out? I actually went to a show she was opening, but I skipped the opening act because I hadn't heard of her. I'm still kicking myself for that. I love her fame monster album but I'm not really impressed with her new songs.

My first concert was nkotb. I was 11. I still have the ticket in a scrapbook. My mom and I still refer to it as 'the transportation adventure'. I went with a bunch of friends and the mom who drove managed to get lost getting to and from the venue. We were so late getting home and probably gave all the moms heart attacks. Good times. I still have a picture from that too...we were a million miles away from the stage!

I think now as 20-30somethings we still scream as loud as we did back then. I still come out of the concerts a little bit hard of hearing.

[Cosmosmom]

Oh and sorry to hear about your mom's accident! I think that what you called a rotary, we call roundabouts. Not a fan of them! Ok enough on non-busy streets, we have one in my neighborhood and currently the ONLY way to get to my street is to go through it. Only was an issue when we had a lot of snow and ice as it took the city a while to get to it. Oh and the neighborhood kids like to play in the middle which I don't like. But yeah the rest of them in town....not such a fan of them.

[daylilies]

Yeah, they are also called roundabouts! I hate them because most people don't know how to use them. I used to live in a town where you had to use one, and the one my mom was in, I have to use it when I go to her house.

[AmeriBrit]

I didn't know you had roundabouts in America! I looove them here in England; they're waaay better than stop signs-I just fly through them! I don't think I'd know how to drive on one on the right (as in not left) side of the road. I'd freak.

Sorry to all of you with unsupportive partners. My DH is awesome in supporting me; I don't think I could live over here without him. I'm trying to be supportive of him at the moment with his career struggles. He wants to get out of what he's doing currently but doesn't know what he wants to do. I'm struggling to help him, though, because he just keeps humming and hawing about what he wants to do....he has so much potential because he's really bright but he can be so lazy about things.

I'm having a great time volunteering at school; they've suggested that I do a literacy and numeracy project with some of the kids to show evidence when I go for the application process for my qualifications...I'll be spending my week this week thinking up some ideas.

[missychrissy]

That's wonderful Ash!!

[daylilies]

I didn't know you had roundabouts in America! I looove them here in England; they're waaay better than stop signs-I just fly through them! I don't think I'd know how to drive on one on the right (as in not left) side of the road. I'd freak.

And I can barely wrap my head around how they work on your side of the pond...LOL

[girlwonder]

Hey Kate, I am an introvert as well - that list described me almost exactly (except I do like a good adrenaline rush now and then) and have a terrible time with a job. So many things make me feel so awful and depressed, from the early schedule to the constant dealing with people to simply the time I have to spend away from home and in public. I find it so stressful that it makes me feel kind of insane. When I have a regular full-time job I feel so trapped and desperate. The last real job I had I used to cry every morning on the way to work.

Anyway, I know how you feel. Here's a great article that I think you should print out and give to your dh so he can understand a bit more about what is going on with you:

http://www.theatlantic.com/magazine/...ntrovert/2696/

Also, have you ever read any of the "Highly Sensitive Person" books? They are basically talking about introverts - they helped me feel a little less "faulty" as a human being. I would also recommend reading at least one of them. Probably have them in the library. Here's the website, and they have a self-test too: http://www.hsperson.com/

[missychrissy]

I think I could drive on the left..it would be fun to try

At one point I had a friend staying in Cypress and I was planning a trip there. I would have rented a car and figured it out. That was my plan, anyway.

[missychrissy]

Introverts are more sensitive?

I know when I was little I was definitely introverted, but now I don't feel that way about myself at all. While a lot of that article could describe me when I was young (pre 15), it's not true about me now. But I can be sensitive...both in hurt feelings and a bit of a hot head (in case you haven't seen that for yourself on these boards. )

[girlwonder]

Not sensitive in terms of feelings, but in terms of "sensing" - easily overwhelmed by crowds, noise, etc. that other people find tolerable or even energizing.

[missychrissy]

Not sensitive in terms of feelings, but in terms of "sensing" - easily overwhelmed by crowds, noise, etc. that other people find tolerable or even energizing.

Ah, gotcha. Again, when I was younger I hated crowds & such, but now I find enjoy them. I don't think I make an effort to either, it just comes naturally for me.

[missychrissy]

http://americanpregnancy.org/forums/...5&postcount=13

[daylilies]

Thanks Katy! I will check those out.
Crowds don't bother me, but a small group or even just one person making a lot of noise or being too close to me makes me go insane.

Chrissy..oh no! Well...we can start our own thread in random like others have done, I guess...
TBH I wouldn't mind if they streamlined the section categories a little..first and foremost this is a pregnancy/parenting site and it's impossible to accomodate every category within that subject, and I don't feel like every situation *should* be accomodated on a general site like this. There are plenty of other social networking and free chat/message board sites for people to use. I dunno, it seems like some people want this site to be something for everyone and that seems unrealistic and really hard for the mods to keep up with.

[missychrissy]

Thanks Katy! I will check those out.
Crowds don't bother me, but a small group or even just one person making a lot of noise or being too close to me makes me go insane.

Chrissy..oh no! Well...we can start our own thread in random like others have done, I guess...
TBH I wouldn't mind if they streamlined the section categories a little..first and foremost this is a pregnancy/parenting site and it's impossible to accomodate every category within that subject, and I don't feel like every situation *should* be accomodated on a general site like this. There are plenty of other social networking and free chat/message board sites for people to use. I dunno, it seems like some people want this site to be something for everyone and that seems unrealistic and really hard for the mods to keep up with.

I'm sure it is, but I just wish that those that would be offended by something we say would just stay out of here.

[daylilies]

I do too Chrissy! Or at least realize there's potential to be offended, and agree to disagree...but I know that's not how it usually works.


I read that 'caring for your introvert' thing and I liked it. DH is always asking me what's wrong or what am I thinking about. Or he'll ask what I'm typing about when I'm lost in thought, posting something on here. It disrupts my whole train of thought.

I did the self test for the highly sensitive and got 14. It told me if I got 14 or more I'm probably highly sensitive.

[AmeriBrit]

Oh, no! You all need to find me on facebook so that we don't lose each other! I'd miss this thread if it goes.

[missychrissy]

I was just wondering if we were all friends on facebook and if we should just start a Secular group there...if this goes away that is.

[Bridget]

Oh Bugger.

[Ky'sMom]

I took that test and was highly sensitive as well. I know that I am highly sensitive though. I was thought to have some sort of sensory processing disorder as a teen but really I think that had to do with anxiety moreso than sensitivity. But I have always hated loud music, noises, anything loud period. I get a headache and it bothers me. I am an introvert but think I am on the cusp of an extrovert now that I am older. I don't mind socializing and am actually very sociable and I get along well with others, no one would think I am shy IRL. It may sound vain (DH thinks it is lol) but people do love me when we meet. I enjoy talking to people but not small talk, I like philosophical, political (sometimes and only with certain people), and intellectual conversations. I think small talk is fake and not genuine and I really like to get to know a little bit about someone at least, even if I think they are lying their a$$es off, it is fun, the whole communication process. But I mostly enjoy being by myself. I cannot stand talking in the car or on road trips so I take them at night so the kids will be asleep, and I like to sit and ponder things.

I did one for both the kids and Elle was highly sensitive. Ky was one question away from being highly sensistive, though emtion wise, I do think he is very sensitive, his feelings are hurt very easily, much moreso than mine used to be at his age. But he usually loves noise and is very impulsive and is also a social magnet so I was surprised that he was almost in the range of a highly sensitive child.

I am not on FB as much as I'm on here so I hope that we can at least keep a NET thread in some other room. I will miss you ladies on this thread if it goes away.

Erin