Secular Confessions

[demigraf]

Hopefully they will this time Chrissy. My mil is one who believes that children need to learn the word no. Which, duh, my kids know the word. And they are actually really good about listening at other people's homes and respecting rules and such but they are also kids, you know? So there is that lack of impulse control and just clumsiness in general.
I remember when she was here she was helping us arrange our living room. (She is an interior designer.) The way she had it set up created this little cave of space between two items of furniture with a plant that was on a tall thin plant stand and the plant leaves cascaded down to the floor. Well, hello perfect fort!! The kids immediately went back there and she all, no no no! You can't play back there. She just couldn't believe that I wouldn't have a space like that in my home that was so appealing to them that they weren't allowed in. That they need to learn they can't do whatever they want. The way I see it, it's their home too and I really don't care to have a corner of the living room off limits to them.

My DH thinks like your MIL sometimes. I don't let him get away with it. There are so many times that I catch him setting unreasonable expectations that our TWO year old will not touch something or stay away from something because we tell him not to. And "if he doesn't know it today, he'll learn soon enough if he gets disciplined for it". He doesn't stop to consider that Bodhi can't help himself if he feels the impulse to do something. It's just setting Bodhi up for failure.

With regards to OBL, I have to say I feel much like Katy & Bridget. Honestly, no part of me had the urge to party at the news of his death. I think it's because I'm still saddened at the loss of lives on and since 9/11. And it's not like I feel the U.S. has conducted a clean fight in the war on terror since then either. On top of that, 9/11 has really brought out the "ugly" in people, with regards to the anti-Muslim hatred and racial profiling that's become sickeningly rampant in open society today. I really feel like the civil rights movement was dealt a blow when 9/11 created a new "enemy" (to small-minded folks) out of all people who looked remotely of Middle East origin. I loathe the attitudes of Islamic extremists, but I can make the separation in my mind between them and peaceful Muslims. Lots of people out there can't make the same distinction, it seems. So , with the weight of all that, it was hard to muster up a celebratory mood.

[daylilies]

I was going to talk about 9/11 when we were supposed to discuss Islam at church that day and then I realized they were like 4 years old when it happened and probably don't remember anything about it, so we just talked about extremists in general. That freaked me out, because it doesn't seem very long ago to me.

[missychrissy]

Bobbie & Jesi were only 6 & 8. I remember I was at work and my instinct was to go get them from school and take them to my dad's house. I don't know why-and I resisted the urge. I don't think they even fully appreciate the magnitude of that day. I remember Bobbie was upset with us because we wanted to watch the news that night and we only had 1 tv at the time. She just didn't get it that what we were watching was incredible. I cried all night.

[Bridget]

I was at work at the preschool I worked at and had the radio on low and thought I heard the announcer say that an airplane had crashed into the world trade center. My best friend worked across the hall from me so I opened the door and called out to her to tell her what I heard and she laughed and told me I heard it wrong. That there was no possible way that happened.
Then of course we all tuned in and listened in horror. And then the office phone rang and it was my dad calling to see how I was and tell me he loved me.

Thanks Lydia for the compliment on my new pics. I really the one of Savana. She's nearly 6 years old and that little face looks the same to me as the chubby little baby that used to sleep in the crook of my arm.

[demigraf]

I just had my second ocular migraine ever... I think.

A few years ago, I had the same symptoms of blurred peripheral vision, seeing wavy lines and a little accompanying confusion and had to go home. I Googled my symmptoms really quickly and saw they pointed to the ocular migraine. Who knows what happened for sure, but it's almost passed at this point (fresh air and frozen yogurt helped). I called my DH just to let him know what was going on (since I kind of suspected a stroke or something). I suspect that I got exhausted from a dance class I took at noon today. It was really hard.

Anyway, this one activist guy stopped me on the street and asked me "Excuse me, but do you have time to talk about the environment?" I felt bad, but had to say "Sorry, I think I'm having an ocular migraine right now." --- I don't know why, but that awkward over-share is exactly the sort of thing that my BFF from high school would laugh at me for. With all that was happening at the time, I'm glad I could at least find a little comedy in the situation.

[Bridget]

I just had my second ocular migraine ever... I think.

A few years ago, I had the same symptoms of blurred peripheral vision, seeing wavy lines and a little accompanying confusion and had to go home. I Googled my symmptoms really quickly and saw they pointed to the ocular migraine. Who knows what happened for sure, but it's almost passed at this point (fresh air and frozen yogurt helped). I called my DH just to let him know what was going on (since I kind of suspected a stroke or something). I suspect that I got exhausted from a dance class I took at noon today. It was really hard.

Anyway, this one activist guy stopped me on the street and asked me "Excuse me, but do you have time to talk about the environment?" I felt bad, but had to say "Sorry, I think I'm having an ocular migraine right now." --- I don't know why, but that awkward over-share is exactly the sort of thing that my BFF from high school would laugh at me for. With all that was happening at the time, I'm glad I could at least find a little comedy in the situation.

Oh, Myles You are such a gem. I hope I can meet you irl someday.
Feel better.

[Ky'sMom]

I just had my second ocular migraine ever... I think.

A few years ago, I had the same symptoms of blurred peripheral vision, seeing wavy lines and a little accompanying confusion and had to go home. I Googled my symmptoms really quickly and saw they pointed to the ocular migraine. Who knows what happened for sure, but it's almost passed at this point (fresh air and frozen yogurt helped). I called my DH just to let him know what was going on (since I kind of suspected a stroke or something). I suspect that I got exhausted from a dance class I took at noon today. It was really hard.

Anyway, this one activist guy stopped me on the street and asked me "Excuse me, but do you have time to talk about the environment?" I felt bad, but had to say "Sorry, I think I'm having an ocular migraine right now." --- I don't know why, but that awkward over-share is exactly the sort of thing that my BFF from high school would laugh at me for. With all that was happening at the time, I'm glad I could at least find a little comedy in the situation.

That is hilarious Myles!!

[missychrissy]

I hope you feel better. Is there any treatment for ocular migraines?

[daylilies]

Aw Myles. At least you were gracious through all your pain.
I was still asleep when 9/11 happened. We lived in TN at the time and we were getting some kind of cable upgrade (I don't even remember) so our tv was unplugged. DH heard DJ's on a morning show talking about it and he came into our bedroom, where we had another TV. He turned it on and I woke up in time to see the second plane crash

I had nightmares for about a week.

[Ky'sMom]

I was driving to work at a call center for MCI Worldcom on 9/11. I was 5 months PG with Ky at the time and had to stop on the side of the road to puke up an apple I ate as I had horrible hyperemesis when PG with him. After puking, I started driving again and saw a flash on the digital signs on the road that there was a national emergency. I thought there must have been something wrong with that particular sign but it was on every sign all the way to work. When I got there everyone was in a panic and told me about what happened. At that job, we took calls for New York City market of MCI so we weren't getting any calls at all and a lot of people who worked there had family in NY and they were frantic. Everyone was sent home and I remember being afraid that a plane might crash into the freeway.

Erin

[Gwenn]

I was also in bed - it was 3 hours earlier here. DH was watching on TV and I remember him shouting out that a plane had just hit the WTC. Then, as I started to wake up, he shouted that a second plane had hit and I ran into the living room to watch with him in shock.

I was in school at the time and I went to class and everyone was in shock. All we could do was talk about this.

I remember being worried about my sister and her family, especially my brother in law who works in Manhattan. I completely forgot until my mother mentioned it that my brother had recently moved to NY - he lived in Phoenix and then San Jose so I hadn't become used to thinking of him on the east coast. It turned out he was 4 blocks away from the WTC when the planes hit. He and a friend barely got out of Manhattan and home to their families before the port authority shut off all the bridges and tunnels to the city. None of their cell phones worked and no one knew where my brother or BIL were or if they were safe.

[demigraf]

Oh, Myles You are such a gem. I hope I can meet you irl someday.
Feel better.

Aw, that's such a nice thing to say. Mwah!! I would LOVE to meet you in IRL too. Maybe we'll go snorkeling together when we live on a commune on the Big Island.

I remember 9/11 well. I overslept that morning. I wasn't in my car until 9am PST, and by that time, they were doing live coverage on NPR. I was so confused by the fact that the story was cutting from NYC to DC. So I sort of found out the news backwards. I listened to firsthand accounts from people on the street, and it was stuff like "crowds of about 500 are walking across the Brooklyn Bridge" and "I still haven't gotten through to my son yet who works in the Pentagon". It listened for about 15-20 minutes, trying to make sense of what everyone was talking about, and finally, some radio announcer summarized that 2 planes had flown into the WTC, one into the Pentagon and one other plane crashed in a field in Philadelphia, and it was likely an act of terrorism.

I was in shock, but I didn't cry until I called my friend's mother to check on her. She lived up the road from my office, and she had 2 daughters - one in NYC and the other one was my friend - an AP reporter who often worked out of the Pentagon. She said she'd heard from both and they were fine. It wasn't until I got off the phone with her that I started shaking and actually processing everything that happened. To be honest, since the awful things happened that day were thousands of miles across the country, the events that day seemed downright cartoonish until I talked to someone who might have lost a loved one.

[AmeriBrit]

Myles, I've had one of those migraines before and thought I was having a stroke or something when it was happening. I really freaked myself out when I started seeing Christmas lights across my eyes and my heart was racing because I was thinking 'what is happening?!'

I didn't even know what the WTC buildings were until 9/11. I guess I lived in a bubble in small-town AR for a long time. I remember driving my sister to school and we turned the radio on and there as just silence and the DJ was telling everyone that something awful had happened in NYC.

[Bridget]

So I have been trying really hard not to intervene when dbf is interacting with the kids. I think I'm doing well but any time I do actually step in he gets really angry and tells me I'm not following through with what I said I would do. But I honestly cannot help it sometimes. Here is what happened last night. Every single night at bedtime I read Savana a story and Kai and dbf go in our bedroom and read a story and then we lay with them until they fall asleep and meet back up in the living room.
Well last night my brother was over visiting so instead of bedtime happening at 7:30, it was 9:30. Savana and I are just opening up our book to read when I hear Kai asking for his story and dbf saying, "No, it's too late for a story" Kai of course asks again. And again. And again. And dbf is saying, "I don't feel like reading a story. We are going straight to bed, big day tomorrow" blah blah blah. The bolded part is the truth of the matter because reading a story will take 5-7 minutes but causing Kai to have a meltdown could take 40.
So I went in and told Kai, who is a puddle of tears by now, that he could come in with Savana and I if he wanted. To which dbf freaked and said it's 9:30! They have to go to bed! I explained to him that Kai does not know what time it is. All he knows is that every single night he goes to bed with daddy and reads one story before going to sleep. And that tonight suddenly daddy is saying no story and it's making him very, very upset.
So then he's all fine, I'll read the story but you said we weren't supposed to cave and give them what they want when they throw a tantrum. Well, I don't consider crying because your dad is being a jackass a tantrum.
And of course now he's highly annoyed that I stepped in. And I honestly do not know if I did the right thing but I CAN'T HELP IT! If he's totally in the wrong and I can avoid my child crying themselves to sleep over his wrongness (and Kai would have been inconsolable without question) I simply have to step in.
I just feel like the simplest parenting concepts are just lost on him.

[missychrissy]

I don't think you were wrong Bridget at all, and his trying to turn things around on you is just an attempt to get the focus off himself.

I worked at mental health when 9/11 happened. One of the therapists came in all worked up saying a plane had hit the World Trade Center. I thought it was one of those passenger, touristy planes that was on a sight-seeing tour of the city. We turned the tv on in the waiting room and were just realizing that no, it was a rather large plane when the 2nd one came in.

Talk about hectic day-a lot of the therapists have family that live in NYC and they were beside themselves because no one could get through to anyone. I felt very overwhelmed trying to talk to the therapists that were actually in crisis, when they were the crisis counselors themselves. I was also handling the switchboard and took a lot of calls from the State Troopers and other agencies asking about our crisis department-hours and how to get ahold of people and such, as well as some of our more paranoid clients that were convinced the world was ending. Like I said, our own crisis workers were in crisis themselves so although I wanted to leave and get my own kids, I didn't feel like I could.

[girlwonder]

Hey Bridget - sounds like you did the right thing. You avoided an even bigger situation that would have developed. I think your dbf hasn't learned that when you have kids it doesn't really matter what you "feel like" - you have to be consistent and follow through on promises, even implicit promises like reading one story before bed every single night. When that happens every night, then it becomes a promise. I wish there was a way to make him understand that your intervention is about the kids and not about him.

[Ky'sMom]

My DH can be the same about the bedtime story as your DBF. When it is only a little past Elle's bedtime, and it is his day to put her to bed, then he will not want to read to her. I recently had to have a talk to him about routines and how the make children feel secure, especially bedtime routines as they wind the child down for the night and solidify to the child that bedtime is about to occur. They also avoid the "I-don't-want-to-go-to-bed" crying sometimes that Elle especially will do in the evening. I will admit, that Elle's routine is pretty long, at least 20 minutes, we read 2 books and sing 3 phrases of Twinkle Twinkle, but she is pretty flexible in this and if you let her know in advance that you will read only one book and sing one phrase, she will be okay. She just needs a book and a song basically and that isn't too much to give.

DH has just went and put her in the bed and she will start screaming for her story. I don't say anything to DH but will just upstairs and read her a story and sing her a phrase of Twinkle. I don't think what you did was interfering. He was interfering with the routine that Kai is used to. No matter the time of day, a bedtime routine is a bedtime routine and should be followed.

Erin

[Cosmosmom]

I just had my second ocular migraine ever... I think.

A few years ago, I had the same symptoms of blurred peripheral vision, seeing wavy lines and a little accompanying confusion and had to go home. I Googled my symmptoms really quickly and saw they pointed to the ocular migraine. Who knows what happened for sure, but it's almost passed at this point (fresh air and frozen yogurt helped). I called my DH just to let him know what was going on (since I kind of suspected a stroke or something). I suspect that I got exhausted from a dance class I took at noon today. It was really hard.

.

I have had them a few times too. First time scared the beejesus out of me....I was at work and suddenly couldn't read words on the computer and I just felt weird. I was just about getting ready to walk myself over to the eye clinic (can be handy working in a hospital...and at that time I was a major teaching medical school and hospital with a top notch eye clinic).....and suddenly I started being able to read again. I thought I was going to go blind....I'm kind of paranoid like that since I have been told a few times that my vision is so awful that I'm at a higher risk of retinal detachment.

Eyeballs really gross me out and I try to pass on all the eye things to my boss. Wound care, dermatology....those can have some interesting pictures but I'm fine with those. The boss likes to leave any new ophthalmology books we get in on my desk to be funny.

[Cosmosmom]

I was another one who was sleeping 9/11. I was away at college and didn't have classes until later in the day so of course I didn't get up early. My birthday is 9-12 and my parents were going to be coming up for some reason on 9/11 to celebrate with me instead of the next day. My mom called and woke me up...I said Hello all groggy like and she didn't say hi or anything. It was, Jennifer, we are getting attacked and Dad and Uncle Tom says we are are going to war turn on the tv now. I believe I replied, huh, are you on drugs or something (my mom is a sleepwalker so that occurred me too until I turned on the TV). Mom said we are not coming up today, Dad things that we should be at home and not on the freeway (school was about an hour away). I went to school in Milwaukee and it was so strange to not hear airplanes or helicopters in the air. I turned on the TV and called DH, who was BF at the time and lived at home, and said, I am not going to class today, come and get me and bring me home with you. DH, MIL and I were just glued to the TV and crying.

[daylilies]

Stuff like that happens over here too Bridget. Just the other day DH had gotten up with Josh and I was still in bed. I heard them arguing. Josh said his pants were wet and that he needed to change. DH was trying to tell him his pants weren't wet and that he didn't need to change. After a few seconds of this back and forth, I yelled down, "Just let him change his pants!" I didn't care if his pants were actually wet or not. Why not just let him change if he wants to? DH says well then there will be clean clothes in his laundry. Oh who cares, just take them out when Josh isn't looking!

[missychrissy]

Jesi just called me all upset. She forgot today was gym day and didn't bring her shorts with her. There's no dress code at this school, and since she has a liberal momma she wears pretty much what she likes. Today was a short skirt and lacy black stockings. I thought she looked cute.

Anyway, when she told the gym teacher she wouldn't be doing the stretches because she forgot her shorts, he said to her, "I thought you'd want everyone to see. Look at how you dress."

She got so upset, she told him off and walked out of the school. To her credit, she did call me. She was crying because he hurt her feelings. I talked to her a bit and she was going to go back and see if she could talk to someone at the school about what happened.

I hope they don't get hung up on the fact that she walked out.

[girlwonder]

Wow, Chrissy - what a horrible thing to say to a teenage girl. Just horrible and mean.

[missychrissy]

An admin from the school called me. He said he had had a good talk with her and things were calmed down. She left his office and got into it with what I assume is the same teacher in the hall. He didn't hear what was said, but she got all upset again and walked out of the school. The admin tried to stop her, but she told him she was coming up to my work and that I said it was ok. She got into her boyfriend's car.

[missychrissy]

and no, I did not say she could come to my work. And no way would I let her go with that stupid boyfriend anywhere. She knows that.

[Bridget]

Oh man. I'm so sorry Chrissy.

I'm outta here my heathen friends. Not sure if I will get on while I am in Canada so you all take care and be well. I love you ladies.

[Cosmosmom]

Chrissy

Bridget have fun! Just when things start to finally warm up in WI, you go to further north.

[demigraf]

Wow, Chrissy. Completely inappropriate for the teacher to say that. If a guy said that to me in a bar, even, I'd throw a dri k in his face.How dare he! ... Are you going to say anything? Jesi is right to stand up against his comment, but I notice she walks out/disappears in tough situations, which seems to make everyone just worry and makes things worse. I hope this situation doesn't escalate for you and the right people get set straight.

bridget, sometimes your dbf sounds like my DH, and I have to admit sometimes I feel sorry for mine. I imagine it's hard to keep up with a thoughtful mama like you. If you're responsive to your children's cues and always willing to educate yourself and try new things with your kids, it must seem to daddy that the rules keep changing . It's not an excuse for anyone's laziness or inflexibility. I'm just trying to say that it must be hard to keep up with a mom as dynamic as yourself, and even harder for Mark to earn the adoration of your kids when they compare him to their fabulous mama. It seems like Mark is trying to figure things out, but just not getting the subtleties of your parenting style.

[daylilies]

We love you too! Talk to you soon!

[missychrissy]

Wow, Chrissy. Completely inappropriate for the teacher to say that. If a guy said that to me in a bar, even, I'd throw a dri k in his face.How dare he! ... Are you going to say anything? Jesi is right to stand up against his comment, but I notice she walks out/disappears in tough situations, which seems to make everyone just worry and makes things worse. I hope this situation doesn't escalate for you and the right people get set straight.

That's just it-I'm pissed about what that teacher said to her and I totally didn't blame her one bit for getting mouthy with him and even walking out. She called me, we talked it out, and she went back. I was going to leave it up to the school to deal with him, unless they ignored the issue or he said/did something worse.

Now she's exacerbated the problem by getting upset again and totally leaving the school to go with her boyfriend. That I'm mad at her about. And I know Jesi-if I try to talk about what she did, she'll keep going back to the teacher. Yeah, he made an awful, inappropriate comment. But she has to take responsibility for her actions too.

[daylilies]

Oh dear, Chrissy.
But yeah, that was completely disgusting of the teacher to say.