Secular Confessions

[daylilies]

In relation to the dress codes you guys are talking about--I think I need a style overhaul. DH has commented that I dress like my mom I can never find jeans I like, so I guess I need to travel out of this area and find some more upscale places to get some cute long skirts and tops or something. It's hard for me to find something I'll be comfortable in all day and still look good in.
DH and I went to Boston last night to see a couple comedians. We had a few drinks and got to talking about our relationship. Basically what it boils down to is, DH won't leave me because he says he'd have to live with his mom And I won't leave him because I don't know what I'd do with myself and I'm too comfortable in the current situation.

[3andMe]

I don't find jeans comfortable at all. I don't ever understand those analogies about "as comfortable as a pair of old jeans." I mean, I understand them in principle, but it baffles me how people find them comfortable. And this is even after they've invented stretchy jeans.

I don't think there is a dress code at my work about tattoos, because I've seen some wild ones, but we even have a dress code addressing underwear--it's supposed to be neutral or white, so it doesn't show under light-colored scrubs or whites. Also, we're not supposed to wear dangly earrings, but I have rebelled and done it once or twice in the 13 years I've worked there. In San Francisco, there are people with some pretty wild body art and modifications. And since I've been to the nude beach (an unfortunate and weird first date) and the Folsom Street parade, I've seen what people have done to their nether regions, too. It's pretty amazing.

I've been realizing lately that my wardrobe is pretty boring. It's mostly khakis with long-sleeved shirts in neutral solid colors. I've been thinking about getting something brighter or more patterny, but I really like having my whole closet able to coordinate with everything else, and we're on a spending moratorium so it would be silly for me to revamp my wardrobe now when I already have something that works.

Speaking of spending, we've made the final decision to NOT sell our house, so we're going to use the next couple of weekends to go get all of our stuff out of storage and re-clutter our house. Sigh. And dh is trying to talk me into figuring out some way to meet him in China during one of his business trips this summer. I think I would probably have to take the twins, but maybe I could leave Soren with my mom for 10 days or so. Would that be totally crazy? I've been looking into airfare, and it's super-expensive, and I'd be freaked out about eating there after reading a bunch of articles about how it's culturally normal to try to "cheat" customers by switching out products, especially meat, for lesser products to try to save money. *shudder* I see bringing an entire extra suitcase of protein bars.

It's supposed to be cold and rainy with snow in the hills this entire week. I foresee kids bouncing off the walls. Good thing we're getting the trampoline out of storage.

[missychrissy]

Cornell is the first place I've ever worked where there wasn't a dress code. At my last job (a hospital group) I started losing weight and my pants fell below my underwear line. My boss was super nice and tactful, but I was humiliated. I do try to dress according to the code of where I work. Since Cornell doesn't care though, I just dress as me.

I'm not super thrilled with my wardrobe either...but I think it's because I have 2 teens and a tween, so any clothes money gets spent on them! I have a few cute outfits, but I'd like more.

I do know what comfy jeans are. Sorry Lyida you haven't found a pair, because there really isn't nothing like it. I'd wear them before sweats, actually, because they're that comfy. They just fit right and look good.

As for flying to China-how exciting! I'd be a bit nervous about making that long of a trip with the twins too though. Even the best, well behaved children might become overwhelmed and extremely bored. I'd hate to see the cost of the tickets!

I didn't know that about their food. Is it all over, or maybe just certain areas? What are they substituting? Cat? I can't remember what Asian country it was, but I accidentally saw them killing and cooking cats (someone had left the tv on an HBO channel). I was so disturbed. The images still bug me.

[AmeriBrit]

Lydia, for me, I'd go alone if I'd go at all to China.

Our workplace is supposed to have a dress code, but you wouldn't know it how some of the women dress! I wish I worked somewhere where I could just go as myself.

I'm currently thinking that I'm going to re-train as an elementary teacher or do some subbing as a high school teacher to get back in to the profession. I'm thinking I'll take this year off and do some volunteer work to get back in to the feel of things and go from there....

[3andMe]

Well, one of the reasons there have been so many problems with melamine in Chinese feed products is that it is a cheap and toxic filler but it will test positive for protein, even though it's not food.

I don't think I could go alone, because there isn't anyone who could take care of all three children if both dh and I were gone for more than 10 hours.

[Bridget]

Gosh, I think China would be the last place on my list but if DH is there, I'd do like you say and bring the twins.
We are trying to get to Canada so dbf's family can meet Sawyer. I really want to take the train but it's almost the same price to fly and flying is obviously much faster so dbf is pushing for that. Actually, I'd love to drive and camp along the way but we'd need much more time.
Sigh. I really, really, really wish that I could take my one vacation to somewhere that didn't involve me trailing after my kids for a week making sure they don't spill on their Oma's 6000 dollar rug.
Like, a beachside cabin would be glorious.

[AmeriBrit]

Bridget, you'd love Wales! We're looking at booking a cabin on the mountainside near Snowdonia for later this year.

Lydia, is China somewhere that you really want to go? It's not on my list of places to see, but if you really want to go and have the money, go for it then, I say!

[AmeriBrit]

Oh, but yeah, I meant to say about your post, Bridget, that I wish our holiday money could be spent on somewhere better than just seeing my parents. I mean, I love being able to see them but I hate having to coordinate everything around them and their house....our problem with their house is not that they have expensive things but that they don't clean anything properly, so it makes visiting them difficult (especially with small children this time!)

[daylilies]

I think the people who use the 'comfortable as an old pair of jeans' phrase are men.

[Bridget]

I love my old jeans. They are soft. And like Chrissy, they look good on me. I feel frumpy in sweatpants...which is all I can wear right now.
I try to be enlightened enough to realize my body made this beautiful child and it will take some time to tighten up again but the truth is I HATE my body right now. Luckily, I like my mind or I'd be a mess.

[Cosmosmom]

Lydia....I think that your hospital has a more lax dress code because you are in SF. I'm a smaller sized town in a more rural area of northern Wisconsin (rural farms around my town). We have a lot of older white farmers around and I tend to see Amish at work on a regular basis.


Bridget, anyway you guys could say rent a cabin and meet the family there? I am not sure where in Canada you are headed but it's within driving distance....
And maybe Oma could put away the 6k rug.....

I hardly ever wear jeans...and while my one pair is a good fit and comfortable enough...I would rather be in knit yoga pants or something. The jeans just look better.

So I officially did something to my foot. Even first thing this morning the ankle and the back part of the leg by the ankle were still swollen and sore. So I figure that I either pulled muscles or have a hairline fracture...can't be broke because while sore I can easily enough walk on it.
Wish I knew what I did so I don't do it again.

[missychrissy]

Spending your one vacation to visit family must be frustrating. I know my cousin Melly has said things along similar lines. She moved to SC 14 years ago or so and finally put her foot down and said if people wanted to visit her so much, they'd come down there. She was driving up to NY twice a year for the longest time.

[Cosmosmom]

We are another one that mostly uses our vacation time to visit with family. Ours are about 5 hours driving distance so mostly we take long weekends at least a few times a year.
Every couple of years we take a bigger vacation...so far three in almost 8 years. Though the Disney trip we took with my sister, my MIL and her husband. It was great and a lot of fun...except now we all hate her husband...they would like to divorce but have an underwater house.
I like vacationing with family...Dh said he would love to see DC and my sister was like, I want to go to DC too. LOL And she probably will too.

We are lucky though...our families both come up here a few times a year especially when it's not winter. We are both really attached to the family...my sister, MIL and my parents. I have already talked with several of them today and do most days.

Course this year a good deal of vacation days have been used for the adoption classes. We both had to take off five days just for that.

[Cosmosmom]

Oh we got some good news today...a letter from our bank saying that they canceled our PMI!!! We haven't even paid it for a year since we started in July last year. We had put 15% down and were told that it would probably have to be paid until 2014. It was only $40 a month but every bit helps.


And I'm making goulash tonight...it's my favorite and the kitchen smells so good...onion, pepper, carrots, beef, tomato.....

[missychrissy]

My vacation time has been eaten up by dealing with Jesi and her skipping school/running away crap. I have just under 30 hours and will hopefully be using some for closing and moving...no real vaca for us this year. Probably not even a weekend getaway camping trip either.

[missychrissy]

Oh we got some good news today...a letter from our bank saying that they canceled our PMI!!! We haven't even paid it for a year since we started in July last year. We had put 15% down and were told that it would probably have to be paid until 2014. It was only $40 a month but every bit helps.


And I'm making goulash tonight...it's my favorite and the kitchen smells so good...onion, pepper, carrots, beef, tomato.....

That's awesome!!

[Cosmosmom]

My vacation time has been eaten up by dealing with Jesi and her skipping school/running away crap. I have just under 30 hours and will hopefully be using some for closing and moving...no real vaca for us this year. Probably not even a weekend getaway camping trip either.

Dealing with Jesi...not a great way to have to use PTO.


But moving...now that would be a GREAT reason to use PTO! Seems like that was how ours got used up last year.

[AmeriBrit]

What kind of vacation time do y'all get? It's some sort of EU law here, so people here get typically 25 days a year. (5 working weeks)

[AbbeysMom]

What kind of vacation time do y'all get? It's some sort of EU law here, so people here get typically 25 days a year. (5 working weeks)

DH gets 6 weeks, I got more when I was a professor due to summer vacations and sabbaticals.

[missychrissy]

What kind of vacation time do y'all get? It's some sort of EU law here, so people here get typically 25 days a year. (5 working weeks)

Most people don't get anything like that. Rich has been where he is for over 8 years, and he's up to 14 paid days off a year. No sick time.

I get 15 days a year and have only been where I am for 3 years. I accumulate 3.8 sick hours per pay period, so every other week. Most people in my area consider themselves lucky if they get 1 paid week off for vacation a year. I think that's true across the US. I believe the maximum amount of vacation time I can earn is 4 weeks, and I have to be at Cornell something like 10 years before I get that much.

[missychrissy]

I was wrong, I just looked and the maximum vaca time I can earn at Cornell is 24 days after 14 years of service.

I don't earn any more vaca time than I get now till I've been employed for 10 years. How sad.

[Bridget]

It all depends for me. I closed a week when my mom died. Closed one day when
I had Sawyer. Will likely close up to a week to visit Canada.
It makes it hard for my daycare families when I take time off.

[Cosmosmom]

What kind of vacation time do y'all get? It's some sort of EU law here, so people here get typically 25 days a year. (5 working weeks)

I just got bumped up...first four years at my job I got 23 days but that was vacation, sick and holidays (since I'm a hospital employee, no paid holidays automatically). I now get 28 days since I have been there for over four years.

I am also in a very lucky position....I'm salaried so I get paid the whole day as long as I work at least four hours of it. So if I leave for 1-2 hours early or go to a doc appt, I don't have to take those hours away. I do sometimes work more than 8 hours or eat at my desk...but it's not extreme. Most library requests or work can wait until the next day. Once in a while someone comes in with a request that they need ASAP related to urgent patient care....at that point i will stay late and move heaven and earth to get the doc what he/she needs.

DH has been at his job a bit more than 3 years (first year he was with a temp agency). He gets 10-12 vacation days a year I think. No sick time (he's only called in once in four years....that was this year when we had well over a foot of snow and the plows hadn't gotten to our street and our cars were getting stuck). he also gets I believe 9 paid holidays.

[Cosmosmom]

what is worse even is maternity leave. I just double checked because I was reading in adoptive families magazine that most adoptive parents can use FMLA for leave but not STD to pay for it...a mom who gives birth can. No way can I save up THAT much PTO to pay for leave. Luckily, I can use STD to pay for my maternity leave...after a bit over four years, I have five weeks saved up. That will be paid out at 65% of my regular pay. I will likely be able to save up another 1-2 weeks before we get placed.

I am not sure if Wisconsin is the one that allows STD to be used or my employer....but it sounds like that is not common in the US.

I get that I won't have a physical recovery...but like my bff said, I will need just as much time to get to know my baby and bond with my baby as she did with hers.

[missychrissy]

Maternity leave sucks in the US, but it's worse for adoptive parents.

My vaca time doesn't include sick or holiday days. They're separate for me. I accumulate 3.7 sick hours (or 3.8?) every pay period, and I have 11 paid holidays a year. We get the week between Christmas and New Years paid off, and we don't have to use our time for that. We get 3 Personal days a year, but they come out of our sick time, if we have it.

[daylilies]

DH gets 4 weeks vacation-he's been there for 10 years.

[missychrissy]

While I was poking around Cornell's benefits site, I found that they have Cornell Children's Tuition Scholarship that will pay 50% tuition and administrative costs for my kids...after I've been there 4 years. So it won't help Bobbie this year, but next year she'll be able to apply. Sweet!

She decided not to go to Elmira College after all because of the expense, but I was telling her maybe she should now. Between Cornell's contribution and her 10,000/year scholarship she received from Elmira, she'd only have to pay $7,500 a year for 3 years, 25,000 for her first year. It's $35,000/year full price.

Heck, that $7,500/year estimate is before pell/tap grants. She might be able to go there and only have to pay for some of her first year. I'm not sure what her pell/tap awards are yet.

[missychrissy]

...am I wrong to be annoyed that her Guidance Counselor wasn't aware of that scholarship program at Cornell? Candor is like 15 minutes away from Cornell and I'm sure I'm not the only parent that works there. You'd think the GC would have let Bobbie know she might be eligible for it.

My own excuse for not knowing is Cornell is horrible about letting people know what they might be eligible for. They have a daycare assistance program that I didn't know about till after I'd been there a whole year. The only way I found out was I received a survey asking me, as a parent, how I felt about the daycare grant. I was like...what grant? I filled out the survey and let them know how they sucked for not telling me about it when I was hired.

[Cosmosmom]

I really miss the vacation, holiday and sick time being separate. Where I was before, I got 12 sick days a year, 12 days of vacation, and all the big holidays paid. And that was pretty much right after six months on the job. And I had super insurance...basically it was 100 a month for family and everything was 100% covered as long as I had it done there (teaching hospital with medical college).
course pay wasn't so hot....and it's been over four years so it might have changed.

I get much less time off and more normal insurance but double the pay (I did go from being an assistant to the actual librarian but I still make about 10K more than their starting librarians....and cost of living is cheaper up here).

[Cosmosmom]

...am I wrong to be annoyed that her Guidance Counselor wasn't aware of that scholarship program at Cornell? Candor is like 15 minutes away from Cornell and I'm sure I'm not the only parent that works there. You'd think the GC would have let Bobbie know she might be eligible for it.

My own excuse for not knowing is Cornell is horrible about letting people know what they might be eligible for. They have a daycare assistance program that I didn't know about till after I'd been there a whole year. The only way I found out was I received a survey asking me, as a parent, how I felt about the daycare grant. I was like...what grant? I filled out the survey and let them know how they sucked for not telling me about it when I was hired.

My GC in HS did NOTHING for me. In fact she royally screwed me out of major scholarship money because they required her to send in my transcript...which she didn't do on time. My first plan was to go to Creighton in Omaha and be a pharmacist. As much as that screwed me up for a year to have my plans not work, turned out ok that I stayed in WI and got to meet my DH and follow a different path.

As far as benefits, I have found that most places don't advertise that a whole ton and you have to be proactive in finding out what you can get. it's to their benefit if people don't claim the benefits...but than they can say well we offer them...