I just pushed a button on a mysterious black box because it's been sounding off for 3-4 days. CIT told the building manager that it wasn't a priority to have someone come over and look at it, but it was blasting so loud that faculty with offices nearby couldn't even use their rooms.
So I took a risk & hit a random button. Surprisingly, it shut up. I figure if I broke something, they have their priority to get someone over here.
[quote=Lydia;1057856476I would advise staying away from anyone who enumerates medical problems on first meeting.[/quote]
Yes, I agree. She's hemming and hawing over her availability anyway so she's out of the running.
I keep waiting for a message to come through on the NetAdmin list saying some major service is out...so far, so good
One of the top level building manager guys knocked on the door & when I looked up I nearly had a heart attack. He needed something else, but for a moment I thought he was gonna ask me, "Did you touch that button?"
That's cute! I'm glad she didn't have a problem with it. I'm gonna be unpopular here and say that I consider myself pretty open minded but I'm honestly not sure I'd let Josh go through with that (and I KNOW dh wouldn't have let him, LOL)
I probably would have said "how about this (boy character's name here) from Scooby Doo?"
Dressing in drag may be fine for frat boys but I have to say I'm not really for little kids doing it...
Not even on Halloween?
And what about if your daughter wanted to dress as a boy character? Just curious.
Kai wears Savana's old pink boots, he has a pair of gymboree girl's pants with sunflowers on them that he picked out at goodwill and when he came home he told dbf he picked them because sunflowers are beautiful. I'm proud as hell to have a son that sees the beauty of a flower! He also wears her dance tights and leotards.
I guess deep down I love it when my kids choose to be different.
I got made fun of a lot in middle school by the "popular girls" for not having brand named clothes. I remember one day I wore my new converse chuckies to school. I didn't even know they were fake until the group of five girls walked up to me when everyone was lining up at recess with their arms around each other and said, in unison, "Nice generic chuckies Bridget!" Seriously, it was like one of those moments in movies where everyone in earshot was laughing at me.
After that I was like eff this. I'm not even trying to dress like these biatches anymore. And I started doing my own thing and dressing my own way and through the years I got so many compliments on my "style".
Following the crowd just ain't what it's cracked up to be.
Last edited by Bridget; 11-04-2010 at 01:35 PM.
Well there's where the line gets fuzzy, because I don't have a problem with pink because it's not decidedly "girl" to wear pink. Men are wearing pink shirts now. It's dressing in an actual dress and women's style wig that bothers me.
I dressed as a male "hobo" for Halloween one year when I was maybe 10, with face paint on to look like a beard...so I guess I'm a hypocrite.
edit to say I have no problem with a lot of gender ambiguous things such as pretty masks, or flowers. Josh loves flowers. For some reason little kids dressing in drag (especially boys in dresses) seems inappropriate. I guess because it's something that some adults do, and that gives it more meaning than just a little boy who likes flowers.
Last edited by daylilies; 11-04-2010 at 01:46 PM.
I see what both of you are saying. What I have a problem with is that the child knew he would be ridiculed, and he was. I do think it's good to teach your children to be true to themselves, but I would have a problem setting such a young child up for ridicule.
But what age does it become "easier?" Is it easier when you are younger? It certainly isn't in middle school, as Bridget said.
Me (38) DH (45) & furbabies * m/c 7/08 4/12 11/12
I agree with this completely, as in I see both sides. I would never ever want to discourage any of my children from being and doing what they want to be, but I would want to shield them from the potential unforeseen consequences of their decisions. It's hard to know exactly how much to protect their true selves and how much to protect their feelings and confidence.
For example, my parents let me tell my barber exactly how I wanted my hair cut one time in grade school. I thought it was a pain to go get my hair cut so often, so I told him to cut my bangs "Higher, no, higher, no, higher than that so I don't have to come in for a trim so soon." I'm sure you all can imagine how I looked with a 1/4" bang strip across my forehead. I certainly learned my lesson, but I don't think it would have been horrible for my mom to have given me a gentle nudge against such a drastic step. And that's only a haircut! I think something like gender identity or sexual orientation would potentially carry a much longer lasting effect.
I really loved that article, and it made me cry, but it also bothered me that she labeled the cross-dressing as GAY (or maybe not) because it's not the same thing at all, and especially not in children.
I worked with a boy once who had Autism and was around 11 years old. He lived with his mother, no siblings and no father. He and mom were very, very close. He had the exact hair style as his mother, meaning that it was long down the back and with heavy bangs in front in a very dated, 1970s sort of way, and he came to school wearing a long (below the knee) padded women's coat. I do not know whether he was wondering about his gender identity, although my experience of him was that he had very little self-recognition to be able to analyze himself in that way and he certainly seemed interested in the little girls in the classroom - at times he would touch one of them inappropriately and that was another whole issue we had to deal with.
His teacher really wanted to help him fit in socially a little more easily and had some talks with his mother about things we could do such as cutting his hair (it wasn't even that it was long, it was the bangs that just made him really stand out - plenty of men have long hair but they don't cut bangs) and his mother said that it was her son's choice to cut his hair that way and we should respect it. So the teacher backed off.
I totally get what his mother said, but where is it appropriate for a parent to draw the line, particularly in a child like this one who has a disability that prevents him from understanding social interaction? He had no idea how he looked to others. He never gave any thought at all to the way he looked, but his looks really affected how others interacted with him.
I'm sure I will have another situation like that come up again, as I work with children with those deficits, and I really wonder what is the best approach to take and how to advise families when they come to me for help over such a thing. It's a hard question.
ETA: He also had a unisex name and people would be confused and refer to him as "she", and because of his language disorder he didn't understand that there was a difference in meaning between "she" and "he" and so didn't correct them or even understand the undertones of what it meant that they said "she".
Last edited by Gwenn; 11-04-2010 at 02:48 PM.
Me (38) DH (45) & furbabies * m/c 7/08 4/12 11/12
I couldn't even get through the blog yet because first I was at work, then I've been busy with stuff at home. But the thing that gets me most is the adults and their reactions. Society seems to expect children to ridicule others that are different. Why?
In the blog, it was the adults who were the problem. I find that younger children tend to not ridicule. It's as they get older and become more a part of society and explore same/different, insider/outsider, that's when the ridicule tends to start. I don't think that it's so much that society expects children to do it, but that it's a natural part of socialization.
I'm not saying it's good, and certainly some people are more inclined to do it and some are less. But definitely it's an innate part of humans and animals to notice differences and (more often than not) shun them.
That wasn't how I was raised and probably why I don't believe that there many absolutes in life and that there are many ways to be and to live. Even though my parents and even DH and I look to be pretty boring (can't tell you how many have thought I was Mormon before getting to really know me!)...just straight white married people....that is not how my family thinks. Especially not my uncle I just lost...he was a gay man, an artist, a dreamer, a liberal and a visionary...and I was allowed to listen and take part of the discussions on all sorts of issues. Maybe not as a child like 5 yrs old of course but certainly by the time I was 10 I remember that. and of course I always had an opinion.
My best friend is married to a Hindu and raising their daughter that way. Cool. My husband's family is Catholic...that is cool too. My cousins have two moms. I say whatever works as long as it isn't hurting me or hurting anyone else (like child abuse or doing really bad criminal things).
But just look around here here on APA....people very easily do NOT get along and are not good about living and let live.
I don't know if I'll change my mind as the kids get older but I don't want to tell them not to do something because other kids might make fun of them. Now, Gwenn, I do see your point. Giving your child advice on a haircut that they will likely regret is different.
I don't want to instill in my kids that they should let bullies or peer pressure in general dictate the choices they make. It could start with not wearing their favorite pair of pants and end up with them doing other, more dangerous things in order to fit in.
My friend's nephew is a teenager and has been living his life as a girl since he was 12. I don't know the specific details about how things are handled at school as far as using the bathroom and such but I did ask her if he(she) likes school and if the other children were accepting. My friend says, yes, that she loves school and has a great group of friends. So all hope is not lost.
I also agree that young children do not know to be cruel and taunting but unfortunately those parents in that blog are passing their crap onto their kids.
I agree that there are parents out there who teach their children rigid world views - of course that happens and we all know it. But I don't know that all children learn teasing because of things they get from their parents. To some degree I think it has to do with personality and to another degree I think it is developmental - not that every child does it but there is a point where they don't see the impact of something like bullying so they try it. Depending on how the adults around them handle it, it is either nipped in the bud or it can fester but I don't think it always originates with the parents.
Me (38) DH (45) & furbabies * m/c 7/08 4/12 11/12
Love this: "I am not worried that your son will grow up to be an actual ninja"
I can't explain it...It's just something I'm not comfortable with little kids doing. They don't understand the meaning behind it and I feel like a parent who allows their kid to do that is kind of carrying out their own feelings about it through their kid who is not old enough to understand. Like "see my child, see how open minded I must be to let him dress like that"
IDK, I can't put it into words the right way.
Can we just drop it? LOL
I was trying to think of a response to Bridget and I'm afraid I'm confusing transgender and transvestite. I was going to say it represents that men who dress in women's clothes don't feel comfortable in a man's body, but that's more transgender than transvestite, isn't it? Either way it's something little kids who have no clue about it should not be representing, IMO. I do not have a problem with adults who like to do it but to see it presented as a costume for children just feels wrong to me.
I have a feeling I think it's more of an issue than it really is, LOL
I thought it was just pretending.
Sorry not to disrupt the debate but I just learned a new text thingy-ttfn-ta ta for now. We're just watching a pooh bear movie and Tigger made me laugh just now when he said that. And about kids dressing up, to me, they're just dressing up. I don't see the harm in that. Life is too short to be so serious all the time.