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Thread: Secular Confessions

  1. #12511
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    Quote Originally Posted by stash View Post
    Wait, let me clarify. Not all religious people are crazies. All religious people who think their myopic beliefs somehow impact reality - like Robbie's health or Jasper's death - are crazies.

    This is something I have to agree on....when I had Taela I HATED hearing "I just KNOW she's going to be ok, she has so many people praying for her" or things like that. Same with this last time around-being told that people were positive everything was going to "be ok" because of how many people were praying for me and my baby. Mostly I hate the implication that is made-like you mentioned, Stacy-that since things WEREN'T ok, I (or others) somehow had a direct impact on that. I just wish more people were ok with saying "I'm really sorry." and leave it at that, not add their editorializing!

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  2. #12513
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    Quote Originally Posted by stash View Post
    Wait, let me clarify. Not all religious people are crazies. All religious people who think their myopic beliefs somehow impact reality - like Robbie's health or Jasper's death - are crazies.
    Of course. No one thinks all religious people are crazy, but some of the most messed up people I know have religion compounding their insanity. It certainly doesn't help the ones I know.

    Mama to Bobbie 20 ~ Jesi 18 ~ Syd 14 ~ Conner 6
    I'm gonna be a Gramama! Jesi is due 11/22/13


  3. #12514

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    Cute birthday pictures!
    Guys! The guy with the musical DVD's has two performances of Wicked that Joey from NKOTB starred in...I just...I have no words I totally missed it when he was in it.
    This is me:

  4. #12515

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    Quote Originally Posted by DucksLikeRain View Post
    This is something I have to agree on....when I had Taela I HATED hearing "I just KNOW she's going to be ok, she has so many people praying for her" or things like that. Same with this last time around-being told that people were positive everything was going to "be ok" because of how many people were praying for me and my baby. Mostly I hate the implication that is made-like you mentioned, Stacy-that since things WEREN'T ok, I (or others) somehow had a direct impact on that. I just wish more people were ok with saying "I'm really sorry." and leave it at that, not add their editorializing!
    I hate it when they use their faith to try and discount my fears or other feelings. Four days before Robbie was born I told my mom I was pretty sure I was going to give birth too soon, and she said I wouldn't because I had so many people praying for me. I was scared and she was totally dismissive because of her beliefs.

    My mom and grandma asked me about 15 times if I wanted a blessing while I was in the hospital. I caved in (something I regret) and in the blessing I was told that I needed to have a positive attitude for things to work.
    Of course I was NOT in a positive state of mind at all. I was terrified, worried, and having painful, intense contractions the monitor wasn't picking up. I was told that if I had had a better attitude God would have honored the blessing and let Robbie bake.
    Last edited by intactivstmom; 07-17-2010 at 09:58 PM.

    "We cannot withhold facts for fear of offending because the importance of the information outweighs people's right to not be challenged in their beliefs." -Maddy Reid
    In memory of all APA babies gone too soon; always loved and never forgotten

  5. #12516

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    Quote Originally Posted by The10Eels View Post
    I thought we were friends on fb already. You're supposed to be my October '09 friend.

    The pictures are so cute!

    "We cannot withhold facts for fear of offending because the importance of the information outweighs people's right to not be challenged in their beliefs." -Maddy Reid
    In memory of all APA babies gone too soon; always loved and never forgotten

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    Quote Originally Posted by Shanna(h) View Post
    I thought we were friends on fb already. You're supposed to be my October '09 friend.

    The pictures are so cute!
    I thought we were too.... Weird! Well, we are now!

    And Thanks!

  7. #12518

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    Quote Originally Posted by stash View Post
    Wait, let me clarify. Not all religious people are crazies. All religious people who think their myopic beliefs somehow impact reality - like Robbie's health or Jasper's death - are crazies.
    I don't know how you are using the word "crazy" and I'm hesitant to put this here but... I do think people who believe in religion like that (like Chrissy's Aunt) are actually mentally ill. I know some would be offended by that, but people who believe they control other's lives and events in the universe because of their inactions or actions, yeah, that's kind of a direct description of obsessive compulsive disorder. OCD's disordered thoughts can sound exactly like that too: "If I don't pray this many times or in this specific way, so-and-so will die".

    Quote Originally Posted by Shanna(h) View Post
    I was told that if I had had a better attitude God would have honored the blessing and let Robbie bake.
    Whoever told you that is sick in the head too.
    Last edited by AbbeysMom; 07-17-2010 at 09:53 PM.



    lost our bean to Triploidy Sep 2010

  8. #12519

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    Quote Originally Posted by The10Eels View Post
    Aw, so cute!



    lost our bean to Triploidy Sep 2010

  9. #12520

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    Shannah, I honestly think for some people that's what it is - a tool to use to discount other people's true emotions, or to avoid them because they're far scarier (for them) to deal with than sluffing it all off on faith or god. For some people, I think it's true good wishes.

    And Abbey's Mom, I couldn't agree more. There are so many religious folks I know who still harbor a little doubt about the world (what sane human being DOESN'T) but those folks who are resolute in their beliefs and truly believe that they KNOW anything concretely, those that obsess over the idea that if, for example, Shannah or Tif or I were better people there would have been different outcomes? Clinically ill.



  10. #12521

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    p.s. I think in your case Shannah, with the blessing, or other prayers of the sort, they HAVE to put some onus on you for "doing better." If they do, when something bad happens, they don't have to blame their god. They can blame you.



  11. #12522

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    All the religious people I know do believe that better people have better outcomes. God will only give out rewards and blessing to those who deserve it. Stores that stay closed on Sunday will stay in business longer and make more money, stores that are open on Sunday go out of business because God didn't bless them, since they didn't follow his commandments. This does not happen because 85% of the population here won't shop on Sunday. It happens because god.

    If you are having financial problems and stop paying tithing then
    your problems will get worse, or just stay bad. If you keep paying tithing, even at your children's expense, your financial situation will improve...eventually, or maybe you'll just be blessed some other way.

    If you don't have enough faith, God is morally bound to not answer your prayers.

    This is what everybody believes, this is what is taught every Sunday.

    "We cannot withhold facts for fear of offending because the importance of the information outweighs people's right to not be challenged in their beliefs." -Maddy Reid
    In memory of all APA babies gone too soon; always loved and never forgotten

  12. #12523

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    Quote Originally Posted by stash View Post
    p.s. I think in your case Shannah, with the blessing, or other prayers of the sort, they HAVE to put some onus on you for "doing better." If they do, when something bad happens, they don't have to blame their god. They can blame you.
    I know. I was terrified, in pain, having crappy side effects from the drugs, and my mom and grandma asked over and over and over again. I gave in, and let them arrange for me and, when he was born, Robbie to get blessings. If I could back and do it again I would tell them to keep their beliefs away from me.

    "We cannot withhold facts for fear of offending because the importance of the information outweighs people's right to not be challenged in their beliefs." -Maddy Reid
    In memory of all APA babies gone too soon; always loved and never forgotten

  13. #12524
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    Quote Originally Posted by Shanna(h) View Post
    All the religious people I know do believe that better people have better outcomes. God will only give out rewards and blessing to those who deserve it. Stores that stay closed on Sunday will stay in business longer and make more money, stores that are open on Sunday go out of business because God didn't bless them, since they didn't follow his commandments. This does not happen because 85% of the population here won't shop on Sunday. It happens because god.

    If you are having financial problems and stop paying tithing then your problems will get worse, or just stay bad. If you keep paying tithing, even at your children's expense, your financial situation will improve...eventually, or maybe you'll just be blessed some other way.

    If you don't have enough faith, God is morally bound to not answer your prayers.

    This is what everybody believes, this is what is taught every Sunday.
    You know what's interesting is that I've noticed the opposite in my life. People who are doing wrong- cheating welfare, lying to their spouses, taking credit for other people's good work at a job- are living in huge houses, driving nice cars, don't have a care in the world while people who are barely scraping by because they choose NOT to take the easy way out or do something wrong to get ahead are dirt poor, constantly worried about how they'll pay their bills, wondering why life has been so unfair. And it's not just about material things- the bad people are perfectly happy with their lives and who they are while the good people are depressed and defeated.

  14. #12525

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    Quote Originally Posted by Bean View Post
    You know what's interesting is that I've noticed the opposite in my life. People who are doing wrong- cheating welfare, lying to their spouses, taking credit for other people's good work at a job- are living in huge houses, driving nice cars, don't have a care in the world while people who are barely scraping by because they choose NOT to take the easy way out or do something wrong to get ahead are dirt poor, constantly worried about how they'll pay their bills, wondering why life has been so unfair. And it's not just about material things- the bad people are perfectly happy with their lives and who they are while the good people are depressed and defeated.


    Sorry Bean, but I think that's a gross generalization. Just like saying alllllll religious peeps are crazy. I've known a ton of nasty, no good poor people in my life - and probably an equal number of wealthy ones.



  15. #12526
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    Quote Originally Posted by Shanna(h) View Post
    All the religious people I know do believe that better people have better outcomes. God will only give out rewards and blessing to those who deserve it. Stores that stay closed on Sunday will stay in business longer and make more money, stores that are open on Sunday go out of business because God didn't bless them, since they didn't follow his commandments. This does not happen because 85% of the population here won't shop on Sunday. It happens because god.

    If you are having financial problems and stop paying tithing then
    your problems will get worse, or just stay bad. If you keep paying tithing, even at your children's expense, your financial situation will improve...eventually, or maybe you'll just be blessed some other way.

    If you don't have enough faith, God is morally bound to not answer your prayers.

    This is what everybody believes, this is what is taught every Sunday.
    Quote Originally Posted by Shanna(h) View Post
    I know. I was terrified, in pain, having crappy side effects from the drugs, and my mom and grandma asked over and over and over again. I gave in, and let them arrange for me and, when he was born, Robbie to get blessings. If I could back and do it again I would tell them to keep their beliefs away from me.

    You know, if I didn't know that your family was LDS, I'd seriously sometimes wonder WTF religion they were, based on some of the stuff like this!

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  16. #12527

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    Quote Originally Posted by DucksLikeRain View Post
    You know, if I didn't know that your family was LDS, I'd seriously sometimes wonder WTF religion they were, based on some of the stuff like this!
    I've often wondered how much more sane and accepting LDS people are outside of Utah; where being LDS is a religion, not a culture. Sometimes I feel almost anti-Mormon living here. I think outside of this atmosphere I would probably like, or at the very least, not mind, the church and its members.

    "We cannot withhold facts for fear of offending because the importance of the information outweighs people's right to not be challenged in their beliefs." -Maddy Reid
    In memory of all APA babies gone too soon; always loved and never forgotten

  17. #12528

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    I confess my MIL kept saying she 'only gained 7 pounds' when pregnant and 'the trick is to walk everyday and stop eating when you're full' and I finally snapped. I told her my OB told me to eat when I'm hungry and eat healthy and don't let anyone pressure me into thinking pregnancy was a time to diet, so *back off*. Now I feel kind of bad, though. She's really sweet but seriously.
    Last edited by AbbeysMom; 07-18-2010 at 12:11 PM.



    lost our bean to Triploidy Sep 2010

  18. #12529
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    Quote Originally Posted by AbbeysMom View Post
    I confess my MIL kept saying she 'only gained 7 pounds' when pregnant and 'the trick is to walk everyday and stop eating when you're full' and I finally snapped. I told her my OB told me to eat when I'm hungry and eat healthy and don't let anyone pressure me into thinking pregnancy was a time to diet, so *back off*. Now I feel kind of bad, though. She's really sweet but seriously.
    Dude, my 1st son weighed 7lb 10 oz so I gained 35 lbs...lol...who only gains 7 lbs and if they do, how much does their baby weigh? That's odd!

  19. #12530
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    That cannot be healthy...unless she was overweight when she got pregnant, but it doesn't sound like she was.

    Mama to Bobbie 20 ~ Jesi 18 ~ Syd 14 ~ Conner 6
    I'm gonna be a Gramama! Jesi is due 11/22/13


  20. #12531

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    Can someone explain to me why, when a woman is obese or overweight they say not to gain? I mean, all that baby and placenta comes from somewhere, how can it be healthy if a pregnancy basically eats mom's body? :p



  21. #12532
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    Quote Originally Posted by AbbeysMom View Post
    I confess my MIL kept saying she 'only gained 7 pounds' when pregnant and 'the trick is to walk everyday and stop eating when you're full' and I finally snapped. I told her my OB told me to eat when I'm hungry and eat healthy and don't let anyone pressure me into thinking pregnancy was a time to diet, so *back off*. Now I feel kind of bad, though. She's really sweet but seriously.

    Yeah, okay...I did this, pretty much exactly, and I gained 40 with my first.


    I'm not sure why overweight people are advised not to gain either, I think it's okay to say that it's safe to lose if you're really overweight in the first tri, or safe not to gain a lot...but why advocate no gain, or loss?
    Just Midge

  22. #12533
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    I confess that I am so excited to have made a new friend. There's this woman, who I met through another friend that is a brand new single mom, and we went for a walk today, and it was a lot of fun. You know how there are people who you strain to have conversation with, and then there are people who you just click with? She's a clicker.

    It's really nice too, because I was kinda hoping to make a single mom friend...it's so selfish, but I'm alone when a lot of other moms husbands are home with them, dinnertime and the weekends, and having a mom friend who also needs company at those times might be really nice.
    Just Midge

  23. #12534
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    That's awesome, Midge. I hope I can make a new friend one of these days!

  24. #12535
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    That's wonderful Midge! It's so great when you click with someone like that.


  25. #12536

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    Yay for new friends, Midge! Is her baby brand new then?

    I confess we had a party yesterday. It was a Hawaii theme and it was fabulous. Everyone was lovely and we had so much fun. I asked dbf not to drink too much, which he didn't and I appreciated very much. I wish I could say the same for my best friend's husband. After most everyone left, he got ridiculously drunk and did something that is pretty much unforgivable in my book. I can't welcome him into my home again. I can't. And it sucks because I love her like a sister. I know she will understand but I worry that if she stays with him, it will put a strain our relationship even if we don't want it to.

  26. #12537
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    Yay Midge! I wish I had a clicker.

    Bridget, I'm glad your dbf was not the one who said something unforgivable last night, but it sucks that you still had to hear it.

    I confess I'm really sick, have laryngitis, and tomorrow is my first day back to work. I just can't call in sick after having 3 months off.

    And I am laughing every time the twins mangle their tenses with irregular verbs. Instead of saying "What did you do?" they say "What you dude?"


  27. #12538

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    LOL Lydia. Josh does something similar--he says "amn't" for am not. "no I amn't"
    Sorry you're sick though
    Sorry that happened Bridget. But I'm glad dbf was good.
    Glad you made a friend Midge!
    I was one of those people who didn't gain weight during pregnancy...I gained like 12 lbs. and Josh was 6 of those. Basically everything but my belly stayed the same...then I had Josh, went back to pre-preg weight fast, and blew it by eating out of control. WTG me!

  28. #12539

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    I gained 17lbs, but in only 29wks. I was back in my pp pants after 2wks.
    Of course for me that was just really, really depressing. I wanted to be bigger and more pregnant at that point, not back to my pp size.

    I've heard docs discourage obese/overweight women from gaining weight because the heavier you are the more risks they are with an induction or a c/s.

    "We cannot withhold facts for fear of offending because the importance of the information outweighs people's right to not be challenged in their beliefs." -Maddy Reid
    In memory of all APA babies gone too soon; always loved and never forgotten

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    Quote Originally Posted by Shanna(h) View Post
    I've often wondered how much more sane and accepting LDS people are outside of Utah; where being LDS is a religion, not a culture. Sometimes I feel almost anti-Mormon living here. I think outside of this atmosphere I would probably like, or at the very least, not mind, the church and its members.
    Where in Utah are you??

    Quote Originally Posted by AbbeysMom View Post
    I confess my MIL kept saying she 'only gained 7 pounds' when pregnant and 'the trick is to walk everyday and stop eating when you're full' and I finally snapped. I told her my OB told me to eat when I'm hungry and eat healthy and don't let anyone pressure me into thinking pregnancy was a time to diet, so *back off*. Now I feel kind of bad, though. She's really sweet but seriously.
    Don't feel bad!! Its none of her business!

    I gained 30+ lbs with Audri, and only 10 with Charlie (after loosing some in the first trimester.) and both my girls were about 9 lbs..

    I didn't really do anything different when pregnant with Charlie either...

    Quote Originally Posted by midgeend View Post
    I confess that I am so excited to have made a new friend. There's this woman, who I met through another friend that is a brand new single mom, and we went for a walk today, and it was a lot of fun. You know how there are people who you strain to have conversation with, and then there are people who you just click with? She's a clicker.

    It's really nice too, because I was kinda hoping to make a single mom friend...it's so selfish, but I'm alone when a lot of other moms husbands are home with them, dinnertime and the weekends, and having a mom friend who also needs company at those times might be really nice.
    Yay for a clicker!!!

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