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Thread: Secular Confessions

  1. #12211
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    Good luck Mandy!

    And Chrissy...OMG, those girls are going to kill you.

    Jennifer, 35, DH 36

  2. #12212

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    Chrissy, I'm so glad Bobbie didn't actually throw a glass at her sister.

    Apparently the only thing I've done in my sleep is smack dh for trying to have sex with me.

    "We cannot withhold facts for fear of offending because the importance of the information outweighs people's right to not be challenged in their beliefs." -Maddy Reid
    In memory of all APA babies gone too soon; always loved and never forgotten

  3. #12213
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    3andMe is offline Every day is a gift. It's just... does it have to be a pair of socks? Hopelessly Devoted
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    Yowza, Chrissy! I'm guessing with all this the quitting smoking is seeming a lot harder, isn't it? I'm sorry.

    And Tif, wtg!!!! Excellent sleep sex story! I was hoping someone would chime in. Sorry you didn't remember it, though. Hmm, that gives me an idea....

    You guys, I'm going to Wyoming tomorrow for five days, and my dad is talking about taking the twins on an overnight camping trip. I'm already picturing this trip being full of delicate negotiations and power struggles, since my dad bought the plane tickets so we would come visit, but dh and I don't feel comfortable letting him be unsupervised with the children. Besides, both twins still get out of bed and wander around several times a night and have been having devastating nightmares lately. And, even if they were in a tent in the back yard, there are two fast-flowing streams very close by. Ugh. I know I'm the mom and can make the rules, but my dad is not used to being thwarted and he gets really annoyed if he thinks I'm being over-protective, esp. if it's affecting him.


  4. #12214
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    Quote Originally Posted by Shanna(h) View Post
    Chrissy, I'm so glad Bobbie didn't actually throw a glass at her sister.

    Apparently the only thing I've done in my sleep is smack dh for trying to have sex with me.
    Yeah right, you weren't sleeping.
    Janeen - 30, Jimi - 42; Married October 21st, 2006;


  5. #12215
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    Quote Originally Posted by Shanna(h) View Post
    Apparently the only thing I've done in my sleep is smack dh for trying to have sex with me.
    lmao!

    Quote Originally Posted by Lydia View Post
    Yowza, Chrissy! I'm guessing with all this the quitting smoking is seeming a lot harder, isn't it? I'm sorry.

    And Tif, wtg!!!! Excellent sleep sex story! I was hoping someone would chime in. Sorry you didn't remember it, though. Hmm, that gives me an idea....

    You guys, I'm going to Wyoming tomorrow for five days, and my dad is talking about taking the twins on an overnight camping trip. I'm already picturing this trip being full of delicate negotiations and power struggles, since my dad bought the plane tickets so we would come visit, but dh and I don't feel comfortable letting him be unsupervised with the children. Besides, both twins still get out of bed and wander around several times a night and have been having devastating nightmares lately. And, even if they were in a tent in the back yard, there are two fast-flowing streams very close by. Ugh. I know I'm the mom and can make the rules, but my dad is not used to being thwarted and he gets really annoyed if he thinks I'm being over-protective, esp. if it's affecting him.
    I hope you can manage to have a good time.

    ps-I've given up on quitting smoking for now.

    Mama to Bobbie 20 ~ Jesi 18 ~ Syd 14 ~ Conner 6
    I'm gonna be a Gramama! Jesi is due 11/22/13


  6. #12216

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    My husband does this thing where we'll say goodnight and everything, and like 20 minutes later I'll shift in my sleep and it wakes him up, and he says goodnight all over again, or tries to talk to me!

  7. #12217

    Default Chrissy and Jenny

    I keep meaning to ask Chrissy and Jenny, because I know you are runners--do you have a thing that measures how far and how fast you go and how many calories you burn? Any recommendations?
    (or anyone else who has one, and likes it)

  8. #12218

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    Sorry for the multiple posts...apparently it's so hot that my brain is melting. I meant to say to Lydia that I hope the trip goes well and I think he needs a good talking to if his feelings are getting hurt just because you're trying to keep your kids safe.
    I really don't want to leave the house today...It's so hot but I have things I need to do

  9. #12219
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    I don't. I tracked the distance from my driveway to the end of my road, and I keep watch on what time I leave and what time I return to calculate my speed. I just use the averages based on distance, time, and my bmi to determine a ballpark figure for how many calories I burned.

    Mama to Bobbie 20 ~ Jesi 18 ~ Syd 14 ~ Conner 6
    I'm gonna be a Gramama! Jesi is due 11/22/13


  10. #12220
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    Ugh, now my dad has called me and is still pushing the camping issue. He keeps trying different tactics. I am feeling really stressed about it. For one thing, I hate feeling like he can't be trusted with them, but he's done a lot of dangerous things even in front of me. For another, I don't like disappointing him, and it does sound cool, but I would be worried about something happening. I used to go hiking and camping with just him or both of my parents, and whenever it was just the two of us we had some really dicey situations, like crossing rapidly-flowing rivers that would sweep us away if we lost our footing.


  11. #12221
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    Lydia, stand your ground. Can you arrange something where you all go somewhee instead?

  12. #12222

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    Lydia, stand your ground and end the conversations with him. Tell him conclusively you're not comfortable with it this year. Maybe next year. If he pushes again, tell him to drop it. Seriously, this is best just nipped.



  13. #12223
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    Lydia, my dad is similar about never taking no for an answer. I know how to put my foot down with him and he has learned to respect when I say no, but my sister hasn't figured that one out. Not to mention that my dad has the same problem about thinking she is overprotective, and my sister IS overprotective, so it's a bad combination. She is too worried about hurting his feelings so she stresses about it. I've stopped worried about hurting his feelings, and somehow it works for us. He understands me.

    I do talk in my sleep, but that's it. My mother and DH have both told me I've carried on conversations including asking follow-up questions that I have no memory of ever having.
    Me (40) DH (47) & furbabies * m/c 7/08 4/12 11/12

  14. #12224
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    Lydia. I've learned that being a Mom means I won't always win the popularity contest, but some things just aren't negotiable.

    Mama to Bobbie 20 ~ Jesi 18 ~ Syd 14 ~ Conner 6
    I'm gonna be a Gramama! Jesi is due 11/22/13


  15. #12225

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    P.s. be overprotective, whatever that means. You'll know when it's developmentally appropriate for them to be alone with your dad. Not a chance in hell would any of my relatives be allowed to take my kids overnight camping in Wyoming (or Montana in our case) at the age of 3.



  16. #12226
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    I have to say I think not wanting your toddlers to go camping near a stream without their parents around to supervise is NOT overprotective. This is common sense and good parenting.

    On the other hand, my sister not allowing her 15 year old daughter to eat or drink at restaurants unless her mother is around to place the order for her IS overprotective.
    Me (40) DH (47) & furbabies * m/c 7/08 4/12 11/12

  17. #12227
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    Thank you, Stacy, and everyone. My dad's latest tactic is that a friend of his is going camping with his four-year-old son, and they want the company. He says his friend's son has been camping with his dad for years (so why shouldn't we allow this?). Well, I would certainly have no problem with dh or my mom camping with one of our children either, but the twins have only been around my dad in small doses two or three times a year. And my dad tends to forget that there are two of them.



  18. #12229

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    So you can all have a picnic together with the four year old besides I can guarantee the kid isn't in need of company. At four, he'd be just as happy to pick bark off a tree as play with Claire and Ronin.



  19. #12230

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    Lydia, I hope you can make him understand. I don't think that sounds overprotective at all. It sounds totally sane.

    Things have settled a bit around here. I know that I have some big decisions to make but just the mere thought of it is completely overwhelming, to the point that it makes me really, really nervous.
    I couldn't stay in this house. There is too much work/maintenance to be done and I just would not be comfortable here by myself, with the kids. AT ALL. Plus, I could never afford it. It's his house. He bought it with money he made before he met me. He says he'd leave and keep paying the mortgage but, well, he's a liar so is all I have to say to that.

    But not staying in this house means ending my daycare. My only income. Plus, everything else that comes with ending that.

    Those are the big things. And I know it sounds like a bunch of excuses but I just don't have the energy for this upheaval. I'm really confused and scared. I keep hoping that some obscure opportunity is going to come up to make things easier. Ridiculous, I know. It just seems like my whole life when I have come to a point where I don't know wtf to do, it works out. That's all I got, ladies.
    Of course he's been great as he always is right after he messes up. I told him straight up the only reason I am still here is because I don't know how to leave. He made a billion promises blah, blah, blah.

    I have an appointment with my midwife on monday to hear the heartbeat so I'm very much looking forward to that. And I miss my mom. I've been calling her phone to hear her voice on her voicemail. It helps me picture her somewhere else besides in that hospital bed.
    Thank you for your support. I know it's getting old. If I was my friend I'd be kicking my arse.

  20. #12231
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    Quote Originally Posted by bridgetwu75 View Post
    Lydia, I hope you can make him understand. I don't think that sounds overprotective at all. It sounds totally sane.

    Things have settled a bit around here. I know that I have some big decisions to make but just the mere thought of it is completely overwhelming, to the point that it makes me really, really nervous.
    I couldn't stay in this house. There is too much work/maintenance to be done and I just would not be comfortable here by myself, with the kids. AT ALL. Plus, I could never afford it. It's his house. He bought it with money he made before he met me. He says he'd leave and keep paying the mortgage but, well, he's a liar so is all I have to say to that.

    But not staying in this house means ending my daycare. My only income. Plus, everything else that comes with ending that.

    Those are the big things. And I know it sounds like a bunch of excuses but I just don't have the energy for this upheaval. I'm really confused and scared. I keep hoping that some obscure opportunity is going to come up to make things easier. Ridiculous, I know. It just seems like my whole life when I have come to a point where I don't know wtf to do, it works out. That's all I got, ladies.
    Of course he's been great as he always is right after he messes up. I told him straight up the only reason I am still here is because I don't know how to leave. He made a billion promises blah, blah, blah.

    I have an appointment with my midwife on monday to hear the heartbeat so I'm very much looking forward to that. And I miss my mom. I've been calling her phone to hear her voice on her voicemail. It helps me picture her somewhere else besides in that hospital bed.
    Thank you for your support. I know it's getting old. If I was my friend I'd be kicking my arse.
    Bridget. Let me know if there is anything I can do.
    Me (40) DH (47) & furbabies * m/c 7/08 4/12 11/12

  21. #12232

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    Quote Originally Posted by The10Eels View Post
    ?? Who is that about?
    Oh wait, that's the one about the guy who hurt your friend right?
    Last edited by daylilies; 07-07-2010 at 08:00 PM.

  22. #12233

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    Bridget, you are an awesome daycare provider and I'm sure parents would follow you. Maybe try talking to one of them about the situation about to come? See where you stand with some of them? I'm sorry this is so difficult. I wish there was a way I could help you.

  23. #12234
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    Quote Originally Posted by stephmama View Post
    Bridget, you are an awesome daycare provider and I'm sure parents would follow you. Maybe try talking to one of them about the situation about to come? See where you stand with some of them? I'm sorry this is so difficult. I wish there was a way I could help you.
    Yes, I would think at least some of them would be willing to follow you to a new location.
    Me (40) DH (47) & furbabies * m/c 7/08 4/12 11/12

  24. #12235
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    Quote Originally Posted by The10Eels View Post
    Oh he sounds like one scary individual. But his time is up. It looks like he'll be going away for a long while.

    Bridget, I really wish I could tell you what to do. I wish I had all the answers. You have valid reasons for staying, and you are a good friend and you do not need a butt kicking. You've been through so much already. I know some grief counselors say you shouldn't make any drastic changes for at least a year after a great loss. One part of me really doesn't want to encourage you to stay, if I'm honest, but at the same time I know you're newly pregnant and just lost your mother.

    I suspect when the time is right, you will have a plan and nothing will stop you. Now maybe isn't the time. As long as you don't let him convince you that there's something wrong with you, that you could have done something different or said/not said certain things. That is what I really worry about.

    Mama to Bobbie 20 ~ Jesi 18 ~ Syd 14 ~ Conner 6
    I'm gonna be a Gramama! Jesi is due 11/22/13


  25. #12236

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    Quote Originally Posted by missychrissy View Post

    Bridget, I really wish I could tell you what to do. I wish I had all the answers. You have valid reasons for staying, and you are a good friend and you do not need a butt kicking. You've been through so much already. I know some grief counselors say you shouldn't make any drastic changes for at least a year after a great loss. One part of me really doesn't want to encourage you to stay, if I'm honest, but at the same time I know you're newly pregnant and just lost your mother.

    I suspect when the time is right, you will have a plan and nothing will stop you. Now maybe isn't the time. As long as you don't let him convince you that there's something wrong with you, that you could have done something different or said/not said certain things. That is what I really worry about.
    I was thinking the same thing. I feel for you and want to send you hugs, no butt kicking. It must be so difficult dealing with all this on top of losing your mom. I can understand not wanting to make any moves and also your reasons for staying. Really in your situation, I would stay and just focus on myself and the kids and save as much money as I could so that I could set up the daycare somewhere else in the future, and pretty much stay civil with the boyfriend but that would be it and I would ignore him and all his crap. Hugs to you!!

    Erin

  26. #12237

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    Yeah, I'm with Chrissy and Erin on this one, Bridget. You are intelligent and capable of doing what you need to do, but also in the midst of a lot of heavy stuff right now with the new baby and the loss of your mom. You will leave when you need to leave and only you will know when that feels right. Relax for now, take care of yourself and your babies and try to ignore what you can until you can't anymore.

    "Any idiot can face a crisis; it is this day-to-day living that wears you out." -Anton Chekhov


  27. #12238
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    Quote Originally Posted by katycat24 View Post
    Yeah, I'm with Chrissy and Erin on this one, Bridget. You are intelligent and capable of doing what you need to do, but also in the midst of a lot of heavy stuff right now with the new baby and the loss of your mom. You will leave when you need to leave and only you will know when that feels right. Relax for now, take care of yourself and your babies and try to ignore what you can until you can't anymore.
    I agree with this ... but to a point. If for any reason you suspect that you or the children are in danger because of his drinking then you just need to get out of there. It doesn't seem from what you have said there there is a history of violence and I know you said he is accepting it for now, but I worry somewhat that next time he does something like this, if he knows or suspects you plan to leave him, the situation might be different. Please don't let yourself be in that situation.

    Otherwise, I think the girls are right. Forgive me if I'm too blunt here.
    Me (40) DH (47) & furbabies * m/c 7/08 4/12 11/12

  28. #12239

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    Thank you, everyone. I do feel like leaving right now might just put me over the top, stresswise. And I know there is nothing wrong with me but I am also aware that I am not as emotionally stable as I could be. I think that's okay but I also think making any huge changes right now would not be in my best interest. I know that if I stayed in this town my daycare parents would follow me but ideally I would really hope to leave this town. I'd move close to my dad.
    And I have never been afraid of him. Believe it or not, he has a good heart. I honestly think he has deeper rooted issues and insecurities that make it difficult for him to tell the truth and see things for what they are. He's difficult to reason with because he is so self centered that he can't relax and try to see an opposing view. And when he drinks, this is just magnified. I am hoping we can start counseling at the least. I am aware, and I told him this weekend, that I am still really angry about him cheating on me. If I can't get past the anger, we will never be happy. I also have a lingering suspicion there are still, and may always be, things that I still don't know about. Can I live with that? I'm not sure.
    And surprisingly, things are somewhat pleasant on a day to day basis. He's naturally a funny and charismatic person so when he's trying, he's cool.
    It's just that when he's not cool, he's really, really NOT cool.

  29. #12240
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    I think counseling is a wonderful idea. I want the very best for you Bridget.

    Mama to Bobbie 20 ~ Jesi 18 ~ Syd 14 ~ Conner 6
    I'm gonna be a Gramama! Jesi is due 11/22/13


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