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Thread: Secular Confessions

  1. #11881
    shutterbird Guest

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    Oy, and HI everyone .I'm also a lurker.

    Chrissy, best of luck!

    Big hugs to Gwenn.

    Stacy, I'm glad you're holding up!

  2. #11882

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    Oh, I don't buy a lot of clothes with characters on them either. I mean like coloring books, or sheets.

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    Quote Originally Posted by sunrider View Post
    Agreed. I would encourage her too. He needs to be stopped.
    I confess it looks like I may be encouraging her in person... She called today for me to contact the DA's office as they have a subpoena for me to come testify.........

  4. #11884
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    Quote Originally Posted by Lydia View Post
    To me, a giant Spongebob on a t-shirt does not give me peace.
    You have such a way with words! Nothing about Spongebob gives me peace!

    Quote Originally Posted by The10Eels View Post
    I confess it looks like I may be encouraging her in person... She called today for me to contact the DA's office as they have a subpoena for me to come testify.........
    Good luck!
    Me (39) DH (46) & furbabies * m/c 7/08 4/12 11/12

  5. #11885
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    Eh, I'm probably just tacky. My Dh would be the one wearing a cheesehead hat and was almost serious when he said we should do the house in green and gold.
    Not really me so much but I live with a big Packer/Brewer fan.


    If we had a little boy, I know DH would buying all the Thomas the Train gear....because DH loves trains.
    I just told DH the other day that we should go to farm and fleet and get some the blue and white stripped bibs...that he would look really cute in them (he has the hat).

    Our xmas tree is full of Peanuts ornaments. My guest room
    has one but will have two peanuts puzzles on the wall as art work (still need to do the other one but I already have the frame so the frames will match). I was really bummed when they changed Camp Snoopy at the Mall of America to some Nick theme thing.

    and I have had and loved Mickey Mouse shirts or Hard Rock Cafe...they just don't fit so are in a box currently because I can't throw them away....I just loved them that much.

    Jennifer, 35, DH 36

  6. #11886
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    Quote Originally Posted by Gwenn View Post
    Nothing about Spongebob gives me peace!

    ITA on that one! Spongebob is awful!

    Jennifer, 35, DH 36

  7. #11887
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    I confess...my DH likes the American Girl catalog. I don't have a good reason to buy them but get the catalog....and when it comes in the mail he wants to look at it right away and talk about neat that stuff is and we both wish we had a daughter and a good reason to buy those things.

    Jennifer, 35, DH 36

  8. #11888
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    Quote Originally Posted by Cosmosmom View Post
    I confess...my DH likes the American Girl catalog. I don't have a good reason to buy them but get the catalog....and when it comes in the mail he wants to look at it right away and talk about neat that stuff is and we both wish we had a daughter and a good reason to buy those things.
    I have to admit I bought an American Girl doll for my niece once and I got their catalog after that ... and I confess I always read that thing cover to cover! If DH ever read it, though, he certainly didn't let me know about it.
    Me (39) DH (46) & furbabies * m/c 7/08 4/12 11/12

  9. #11889

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    I started the character things thread, and I didn't want to say a lot since most people seemed ok with it, but I believe character toys hurt kids imaginations.

    If you had two three year olds, each in a different room, and gave one of them a cowboy doll and the other a Woody doll (Toy Story) the kid with the cowboy doll would make up a name, history, and plot line for his cowboy. The kid with the Woody doll would reenact Toy Story, or make up his new plot line, but with all the details taken from the movie.

    The first child is using more of his brain than the second child. The first child is also much more likely to do exploratory type play, where he acts out his own feelings, desires, thoughts, things he is thinking about but cannot do with his toys. Like having his toys 'be bad', pretending a toy died after experiencing a real loss, etc. Which is a very healthy activity and can help him work out things on his own instead of developing behavior problems. My friend's daughter had her dolls hit the new baby doll and give her away to the garbage man when her new brother came home, but after a few games like that warmed right up to her new baby. Observant parents can notice things kids do during play and then they know more about what the kids are going through.

    Kids who only learn to mimic tv shows and movies are more likely to act out rather than act through the dolls. Like actually hitting the new baby.

    I'm sure any character-buying mom will take offense to this and be sure to tell me that their child is imaginative and uses all of their brain and never hit their siblings. But I really feel everything I said is valid, and I wish I could find the research I've read that supports this so I could share.
    Last edited by intactivstmom; 06-25-2010 at 01:56 AM.

    "We cannot withhold facts for fear of offending because the importance of the information outweighs people's right to not be challenged in their beliefs." -Maddy Reid
    In memory of all APA babies gone too soon; always loved and never forgotten

  10. #11890

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    Ok, I'm getting caught up. Midge, it was so hard for me to read your birth story. It was so perfect in every way I couldn't decide if I should congratulate you or stick my tongue out and throw myself a pity party. I guess I sound mean, huh? I should just say congratulations, and I am so happy you and Charlotte had such a beautiful experience.

    Bridget, I really hope dbf is changing for real. You and your sweet children deserve a sweet so/daddy.

    Ash, sorry about your friend. But testifying can be so great. Aside from stopping the man, she will be taking her power back from him. It can be a big step from rape victim to rape survivor.

    "We cannot withhold facts for fear of offending because the importance of the information outweighs people's right to not be challenged in their beliefs." -Maddy Reid
    In memory of all APA babies gone too soon; always loved and never forgotten

  11. #11891
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    Quote Originally Posted by Shanna(h) View Post
    I started the character things thread, and I didn't want to say a lot since most people seemed ok with it, but I believe character toys hurt kids imaginations.

    If you had two three year olds, each in a different room, and gave one of them a cowboy doll and the other a Woody doll (Toy Story) the kid with the cowboy doll would make up a name, history, and plot line for his cowboy. The kid with the Woody doll would reenact Toy Story, or make up his new plot line, but with all the details taken from the movie.

    The first child is using more of his brain than the second child. The first child is also much more likely to do exploratory type play, where he acts out his own feelings, desires, thoughts, things he is thinking about but cannot do with his toys. Like having his toys 'be bad', pretending a toy died after experiencing a real loss, etc. Which is a very healthy activity and can help him work out things on his own instead of developing behavior problems. My friend's daughter had her dolls hit the new baby doll and give her away to the garbage man when her new brother came home, but after a few games like that warmed right up to her new baby. Observant parents can notice things kids do during play and then they know more about what the kids are going through.

    Kids who only learn to mimic tv shows and movies are more likely to act out rather than act through the dolls. Like actually hitting the new baby.

    I'm sure any character-buying mom will take offense to this and be sure to tell me that their child is imaginative and uses all of their brain and never hit their siblings. But I really feel everything I said is valid, and I wish I could find the research I've read that supports this so I could share.
    Really interesting. Thanks. If you ever find the research, please do share. I am very interested in learning more about the development of play in children.
    Me (39) DH (46) & furbabies * m/c 7/08 4/12 11/12

  12. #11892

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    Quote Originally Posted by Shanna(h) View Post
    I started the character things thread, and I didn't want to say a lot since most people seemed ok with it, but I believe character toys hurt kids imaginations.

    If you had two three year olds, each in a different room, and gave one of them a cowboy doll and the other a Woody doll (Toy Story) the kid with the cowboy doll would make up a name, history, and plot line for his cowboy. The kid with the Woody doll would reenact Toy Story, or make up his new plot line, but with all the details taken from the movie.

    The first child is using more of his brain than the second child. The first child is also much more likely to do exploratory type play, where he acts out his own feelings, desires, thoughts, things he is thinking about but cannot do with his toys. Like having his toys 'be bad', pretending a toy died after experiencing a real loss, etc. Which is a very healthy activity and can help him work out things on his own instead of developing behavior problems. My friend's daughter had her dolls hit the new baby doll and give her away to the garbage man when her new brother came home, but after a few games like that warmed right up to her new baby. Observant parents can notice things kids do during play and then they know more about what the kids are going through.

    Kids who only learn to mimic tv shows and movies are more likely to act out rather than act through the dolls. Like actually hitting the new baby.

    I'm sure any character-buying mom will take offense to this and be sure to tell me that their child is imaginative and uses all of their brain and never hit their siblings. But I really feel everything I said is valid, and I wish I could find the research I've read that supports this so I could share.
    Well said and it makes perfect sense to me.

  13. #11893

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    Quote Originally Posted by Cosmosmom View Post
    I confess...my DH likes the American Girl catalog. I don't have a good reason to buy them but get the catalog....and when it comes in the mail he wants to look at it right away and talk about neat that stuff is and we both wish we had a daughter and a good reason to buy those things.
    I had Samantha when I was a kid, and before we had Josh, DH bought me another one. In case we have a girl, he said. I have no idea why he bought it before we even planned on having a baby. Now it kind of makes me sad, that it is for a girl that we we will likely never have. But I hope maybe my cousin will have a girl someday, or maybe even Josh will.
    I liked all those things you said, Shannah. Those were some good points. Josh does have Buzz and Woody but most of his dolls are just stuffed animals.

  14. #11894

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    So my brother works at a preschool in a low income area. He has been there for several years and developed a strong friendship with of the moms there. She has two children whose father is in prison. My brother became sort of a "big brother" to her son who is now about 8. He's come on family camping trips with us and things like that and grown to know my parents pretty well. The mom is a hard working woman who struggles to make ends meet.
    Last night I went to see my dad and noticed my mom's car was gone but didn't ask about it. Eventually he told me that he sold it. The woman I mentioned above, her car broke down for good. My dad sold her my mom's car for $10.

    He is the best man I have ever known.

  15. #11895
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    Wow, Bridget; your dad is a star! Don't you wish we had more people like him in this world?

    We went to play group today and noticed there were 3 new kids there; I think they were all cousins as the 2 moms looked like sisters. They looked so poor; I felt so bad for them because they just really stood out as being poor...I know the parents probably don't want help or whatever but I felt like I wish there was something I could do to help them...not that we're loaded or anything, but I wish being poor didn't correlate so much to development, education, etc.

  16. #11896
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    Quote Originally Posted by The10Eels View Post
    I confess it looks like I may be encouraging her in person... She called today for me to contact the DA's office as they have a subpoena for me to come testify.........
    What will you have to testify about?

    Quote Originally Posted by bridgetwu75 View Post
    So my brother works at a preschool in a low income area. He has been there for several years and developed a strong friendship with of the moms there. She has two children whose father is in prison. My brother became sort of a "big brother" to her son who is now about 8. He's come on family camping trips with us and things like that and grown to know my parents pretty well. The mom is a hard working woman who struggles to make ends meet.
    Last night I went to see my dad and noticed my mom's car was gone but didn't ask about it. Eventually he told me that he sold it. The woman I mentioned above, her car broke down for good. My dad sold her my mom's car for $10.

    He is the best man I have ever known.
    Oh Bridget, your dad is awesome! I know you know that, but he is truly a wonderful person. He warms my heart. How's he doing?

    As for the Woody doll scenario, I don't care what other people choose for their own lifestyle and I'm certainly not going to start a debate, but Bobbie and Jessica each had their own Woody dolls. They became their best friends, and we still have an old beaten up one laying around. They didn't mimic the movie at all...those dolls took on a life of their own and were made to do all sorts of clever, neat, funny things that had nothing to do with the movie. Woody didn't impact their imagination negatively at all.

    Mama to Bobbie 20 ~ Jesi 18 ~ Syd 14 ~ Conner 6
    I'm gonna be a Gramama! Jesi is due 11/22/13


  17. #11897

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    Chrissy, my dad has his ups and downs. We went to visit my mom's grave last night and a single rose had opened up on a plant that he put there earlier this week. He went over and was holding it in his hands and said, "I hope this means she's okay"
    We all miss her so much but him most of all. It hurts my heart to think about him coming home to an empty house every night.
    As far as the Woody doll thing. I think, as with everything, it's a case of everything in moderation. My kids have a few things here and there. It's just that generally speaking we try to buy toys that are simple and allow for creative play. That doesn't only rule out character toys, but a lot of "bells and whistles" toys as well.
    Last edited by Bridget; 06-25-2010 at 06:25 AM.

  18. #11898
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    to your dad. My heart really does break for him. And you too of course.

    Woody was one of the few character toys they had. It wasn't that we were against them, but more that back then we couldn't afford them!

    Conner does have a lot of Thomas the Train stuff. I love playing with him and them. But his all time favorite right now is dinosaurs. He watches Walking with Dinosaurs a lot and does mimic the motions of the dinos on the screen with his toys. He makes up stories about them and tells me all about their adventures. T-Rex is his best friend

    Mama to Bobbie 20 ~ Jesi 18 ~ Syd 14 ~ Conner 6
    I'm gonna be a Gramama! Jesi is due 11/22/13


  19. #11899

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    That's awesome Bridget. I feel sad for him.

  20. #11900

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    Quote Originally Posted by Cosmosmom View Post
    I confess...my DH likes the American Girl catalog. I don't have a good reason to buy them but get the catalog....and when it comes in the mail he wants to look at it right away and talk about neat that stuff is and we both wish we had a daughter and a good reason to buy those things.
    Wow. I'm only vaguely familiar with what American Girl is, but I find it intriguing that your DH likes it and wants a little girl. Cool.

    Quote Originally Posted by bridgetwu75 View Post
    My dad sold her my mom's car for $10.

    He is the best man I have ever known.
    Awwwww that's awesome.

    Shanna, I see the point on creativity but I can also see getting a small number of character type toys if a kid just absolutely loves a particular one. A best friend Woody doll would be nice to have, so long as it was balanced out by other creative thinking, imagination type toys.
    Krista & Jonathan: Liam, our one and only, born 9 Sep 2008



  21. #11901
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    My girls are supposed to be building a 5-shelf bookcase today. I wonder how they'll do?

    Mama to Bobbie 20 ~ Jesi 18 ~ Syd 14 ~ Conner 6
    I'm gonna be a Gramama! Jesi is due 11/22/13


  22. #11902

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    Shannah, your points are well supported by waldorf. Check there. And I partially agree with them. Hand a kid movies and tv and a handful of character toys and he's unlikely to have the same CREATIVE imagination as his character toy "deprived" peer. But, to give credit to most (not all) parents, that's not usually what happens. Most kids get a mix of creative play toys and character toys. They're not stunted, they're healthy.

    And, what waldorf, and perhaps you, don't take into consideration is what benefits there are to introducing scenarios via movie, tv, and character play. Example. If Oscar had nothing but his anatomically correct waldorf dolls, and hadn't seen toy story, would he have come up with a story where masha (one of the waldorf dolls) was flying through solar system model in his room on a jet pack? And would he have asked me to explain the physics and mechanics of jet packs? Probably not.

    That said, I rarely buy character toys, and almost never clothing. Oscar doesn't ask for them, I don't like them (agree with lydia). But being an extremist on any side of any fence (especially in parenting) is dangerous territory.

    Wait, I lied. Someone bought O a mikey doll from Disneyland. He uses as an inside ball

    P.s. what UNbiased studies show is that children with access with a wide variety of toys show higher intellectual capability than those with limited access to toys. So. A kid with two waldorf dolls and some blocks is still at a disadvantage to the kid who sits in a room full of Disney.



  23. #11903

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    double post
    Last edited by stash; 06-25-2010 at 09:29 AM.



  24. #11904
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    Quote Originally Posted by Lydia View Post
    I don't like characters, but it's not because of the characters per se, just that I think it's kind of tacky. Same way I don't have bumper stickers on my car. I don't like displaying any kind of advertisement. I also like solid colors or calmer patterns. To me, a giant Spongebob on a t-shirt does not give me peace.
    I'm like this too. My SIL handed down to me a whole bunch of pooh clothing and stuff, and I gave it all away, I don't honestly like any embellishment though...even those carter's things with embroidery, usually not a fan.

    Bumper stickers and such - I reserve for my own business, and I have a "midwives help people out" sticker too.

    But Annie does has character stuff, like Elmo coloring books, and an Elmo doll. She also has a bunch of generic babies.


    Quote Originally Posted by Shanna(h) View Post
    Ok, I'm getting caught up. Midge, it was so hard for me to read your birth story. It was so perfect in every way I couldn't decide if I should congratulate you or stick my tongue out and throw myself a pity party. I guess I sound mean, huh? I should just say congratulations, and I am so happy you and Charlotte had such a beautiful experience.
    I can totally understand that Shannah. You can stick your tongue out at me - I know you struggled terribly, and I hope that you can have a more peaceful experience next time. You deserve it.

    Quote Originally Posted by sunrider View Post

    Shanna, I see the point on creativity but I can also see getting a small number of character type toys if a kid just absolutely loves a particular one. A best friend Woody doll would be nice to have, so long as it was balanced out by other creative thinking, imagination type toys.
    ITA with this.
    Just Midge

  25. #11905

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    Midge, that midwives bumper sticker made me laugh! Love it!
    Urrgh I was expecting one mom and one kid for the playdate and another one just called and said 4 more people are coming...in 45 minutes LOL
    What is it with people not planning ahead?
    I'm jealous of people with good birth experiences too...It's not a huge deal to me but sometimes I would have loved to have a serene, loving experience.

  26. #11906
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    I know I should know this, and that I'm being a bit obsessive about my weight, but I'm watching every pound and I'd like to know when we're at our heaviest during our cycle? Is it just prior to AF, during? Somewhere in the middle?

    Mama to Bobbie 20 ~ Jesi 18 ~ Syd 14 ~ Conner 6
    I'm gonna be a Gramama! Jesi is due 11/22/13


  27. #11907
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    Quote Originally Posted by Gwenn View Post
    I have to admit I bought an American Girl doll for my niece once and I got their catalog after that ... and I confess I always read that thing cover to cover! If DH ever read it, though, he certainly didn't let me know about it.
    We haven't gotten anything though I almost bought him something last year...the girl of the year had a pet llama and DH has a thing for llamas.
    I just love those bitty babies and all the accessories...OMG I would have died for that when I was little but these got popular after I was too old already.
    He likes the historical girls and their pets....especially when the little dog even has an elizabethian collar! I think that he likes the details and the history.

    Jennifer, 35, DH 36

  28. #11908
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    Quote Originally Posted by Shanna(h) View Post
    I started the character things thread, and I didn't want to say a lot since most people seemed ok with it, but I believe character toys hurt kids imaginations.

    If you had two three year olds, each in a different room, and gave one of them a cowboy doll and the other a Woody doll (Toy Story) the kid with the cowboy doll would make up a name, history, and plot line for his cowboy. The kid with the Woody doll would reenact Toy Story, or make up his new plot line, but with all the details taken from the movie.
    It's all good to have your beliefs. No offense here!
    I do have to say though I was a big time Ariel fan (I was older than three when that came out). One of our favorite games out in the pool was mermaids. And while we got started there, it always took on a life of it's own.
    I would personally only see it as a problem if EVERYTHING a kid had was a character thing. It's all about balance and moderation.

    Jennifer, 35, DH 36

  29. #11909
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    Quote Originally Posted by Cosmosmom View Post
    We haven't gotten anything though I almost bought him something last year...the girl of the year had a pet llama and DH has a thing for llamas.
    I just love those bitty babies and all the accessories...OMG I would have died for that when I was little but these got popular after I was too old already.
    He likes the historical girls and their pets....especially when the little dog even has an elizabethian collar! I think that he likes the details and the history.
    Annie was just given an itty bitty baby for a big sis present - it's so cute...not something I could ever have afforded myself...so I'm happy my SIL has the $$ to spend on her.
    Just Midge

  30. #11910
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    Quote Originally Posted by bridgetwu75 View Post
    , but a lot of "bells and whistles" toys as well.
    Now that I'm on board with. I HATE toys that do everything for you. I won't buy those kind of toys for my cousins.

    Jennifer, 35, DH 36

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