Secular Confessions

[addysonreese]

And sorry Cosmosmom, but washing a kid's mouth out with soap, hot pepper, or anything else is a violation of personal space and isn't going to do much but teach a lack of trust and potentially damage their spirit. IMO.

My grandmother did this to me a couple of times. It didn't make me anything more than just angry with her, and the fact that it took a day to get the taste of soap out of my mouth

I also confess I pissed my midwife off today because I told her I didn't want to hear it. I decided I didn't care to see my weight this pregnancy, told her so, and she told me the laundry list of reasons why I might want to a) keep track of my weight and b) see a nutritionist/stay on some "diet" to keep from gaining 60 pounds and I nicely told her to pack it up and put it away, that if SHE needed my weight for medical reasons, I would close my eyes.

I like her, but we have to get through some of the territory. It's MY pregnancy.

Good for you! It's not like you haven't done this all before. She needs to work WITH you.

[addysonreese]

At my first OB appt. I was told I was gaining so much weight I'd get diabetes and have a huge baby and I better stop eating for three. I was unhappy and annoyed, but tried (and then failed) to be good. I ate a ton because it was the only thing that kept me from feeling constantly sick. And I talked to my regular OB later about how much weight I was gaining, and he patted his own belly and said "Well, we're both a little older now, it's easier to gain weight, and although it's good to make healthy choices, don't stress over it too much." And he also gave me some Zofran, which helped slow down my weight gain.

I like that kind of doctor. One who's real, not too overbearing, and tries to help you make the right choices, not force them down your throat.

[addysonreese]

I confess I am so angry about the little newborn who was denied insurance because of a serious heart defect. They said it's a pre-existing condition. What a load of crap.

And people don't WANT the new health care bill?!

[Bridget]

What DOES he care about? Start there and work backwards, but taking away things they care about isn't always the best discipline. I used TV with Oscar for a while and it backfired and he started obsessing about watching "his shows." Now that I don't use it as a thing "to take away or reward with" he's much less TV-obsessed.

And sorry Cosmosmom, but washing a kid's mouth out with soap, hot pepper, or anything else is a violation of personal space and isn't going to do much but teach a lack of trust and potentially damage their spirit. IMO.

He sounds like he's certainly being a booger - but you can find ways of keeping him in check (or just dealing with it when nothing seems to work, because sometimes, no matter the kid or mom, nothing DOES). Sounds like things got better.

Stacy, I fell into the EXACT same pattern with Savana. She loved Little Bear and we were letting her watch 30 minutes of it every night before bed. I started taking it away from her for not listening and it worked. But I found myself using it for every little thing and then one day I realized that I was being really lazy. It wasn't actually teaching her anything. And she was becoming even more obsessed with getting it. So I stopped that immediately and we actually cut out tv completely outside of friday night movie night.

[Bridget]

My mom washed my mouth out with soap once. I remember how I was just totally upset that she did that to me. My mommy. I'd not use that tactic.

[missychrissy]

I confess I am so angry about the little newborn who was denied insurance because of a serious heart defect. They said it's a pre-existing condition. What a load of crap.

And people don't WANT the new health care bill?!

That's what I don't understand. It really disgusts me when people try to say we can't afford it. How can we NOT afford it? What price do you put on a child's life? Or anyone's life? I cannot help but view people who use that as an argument as plain selfish. I'm not exactly well-to-do, but we're comfortable. I don't expect our costs to go up due to the new plan, but even if they did we can certainly afford to cut back.

[midgeend]

I'm still having a hard time wrapping my head around the hypocrisy of the argument that kept the bill held up for so long, with the abortion issue. How is the life of an unborn fetus, more important than the life of the baby with the heart defect. I'm not making an argument that the unborn fetus isn't important...but clearly the 9 week old with the heart defect is going to die waiting for someone to treat him, or leave his family with unthinkable amounts of debt...but the political ramifications of voting for a bill that isn't pro life all the way is more important. Yeah, that makes a lot of sense.

[Cosmosmom]

And sorry Cosmosmom, but washing a kid's mouth out with soap, hot pepper, or anything else is a violation of personal space and isn't going to do much but teach a lack of trust and potentially damage their spirit. IMO.

.

Yeah I know that isn't the PC thing to do these days. I wasn't trying to say that Kate should do that with a 3 yr old but more just trying to say that some like my DH could be more stubborn (and even pretend to like the punishment). I forgot add the part where we were both older when that happened. I was about 11 and I had been warned multiple times and I was being really sassy and flat out told mom NO. And she literally touched her finger to the soap and touched my tongue with it.
DH had it only once too...and had been warned and was older...something like the 11-12 age.
I can say for our moms at those ages we were, it worked. Neither of us tried to mouth off like that again. I'm glad we had strong willed moms and helped keep us out of serious trouble. Our spirits are still ok today and we are both close to our moms and have always totally trusted them.

[missychrissy]

I'm still having a hard time wrapping my head around the hypocrisy of the argument that kept the bill held up for so long, with the abortion issue. How is the life of an unborn fetus, more important than the life of the baby with the heart defect. I'm not making an argument that the unborn fetus isn't important...but clearly the 9 week old with the heart defect is going to die waiting for someone to treat him, or leave his family with unthinkable amounts of debt...but the political ramifications of voting for a bill that isn't pro life all the way is more important. Yeah, that makes a lot of sense.

Exactly.

[midgeend]

I've probably said this a thousand times different times on the board, RE: punishment. But when I was old enough, my mother had me do community service, during times that I would have been doing something else fun usually.

[Cosmosmom]

That's what I don't understand. It really disgusts me when people try to say we can't afford it. How can we NOT afford it? What price do you put on a child's life? Or anyone's life? I cannot help but view people who use that as an argument as plain selfish. I'm not exactly well-to-do, but we're comfortable. I don't expect our costs to go up due to the new plan, but even if they did we can certainly afford to cut back.

This. Every person that has died due to lack of coverage is someone's sister, brother, parent, child....who the heck am I to think that MY loved one should get something that not everyone's gets. What makes mine so special that they get to live and others dont...not cool.

[MammaMia]

I confess I am so angry about the little newborn who was denied insurance because of a serious heart defect. They said it's a pre-existing condition. What a load of crap.

And people don't WANT the new health care bill?!

That is DISGUSTING. It makes me so angry to hear stories like that.

[addysonreese]

I'm still having a hard time wrapping my head around the hypocrisy of the argument that kept the bill held up for so long, with the abortion issue. How is the life of an unborn fetus, more important than the life of the baby with the heart defect. I'm not making an argument that the unborn fetus isn't important...but clearly the 9 week old with the heart defect is going to die waiting for someone to treat him, or leave his family with unthinkable amounts of debt...but the political ramifications of voting for a bill that isn't pro life all the way is more important. Yeah, that makes a lot of sense.

Exactly. I'm still trying to wrap my head around it completely. I know a lot of the problems people have is:

A) People feel they have to pay for it, and pay for people who can't afford it and apparently that isn't "fair".
B) This gives the government more control. And this is bad. Like, horror movie bad.

And a lot of the people who have a problem with it say that they've lived in other Socialist countries and they hate it, and love it here in America. Well, I'd love if they'd talk to my friend Matthijs, who's born and raised in Holland, and lived in America for about 7 years. He moved back to Holland. We talk all the time about American politics, and he'll be one to tell you that he can't stand how it is here.

I mean, I'm not saying I want it to turn into like the book 1984 or whatever, but obviously, this is about the PEOPLE. Not anything else at this moment.

[daylilies]

I sure wish I understood enough about the health care bill to argue one way or the other about it , because I'm sure if I understood it, I'd feel strongly about it. But I just don't understand it.

Josh likes "his shows" too. He probably watches them more than he should, but he's very smart, good with people, talks up a storm, and is otherwise functional, so I don't really feel like it's damaging or anything. He gets plenty of interaction with me and other people when we go out. He approaches kids and wants to play, and he has no stranger anxiety. I never really understood the problem with TV (besides obvious problems like reduced exercise)

[Cosmosmom]

Very interesting. I posted a poll in random about if it is ok to make money off someone else's misery. So far nobody has said yes and five people said no. Kind of suprises me.

But really isn't that what we are doing when we allow insurance companies to be for profit? They are making money by denying insurance to people who are in misery. They are making money off people by denying care so they just hurry up and die already.

It sounds so right to say that it is wrong to make money off others misery....but in reality, that is often how things are done.

[Cosmosmom]

some would rather kids (and adults) read instead of watch TV or exercise.

But I love to watch TV myself. I also love to read.
Now exercise...different story!

[daylilies]

I think (and hope) Josh will get into reading. He's very interested in letters now. He wants to know how to spell everything and what all the letters look like. (brag warning!) I could read in preschool. My parents like to remind me of that. LOL I had to bring a book everywhere I went for years, even in the car to the grocery store. I'll be very happy if he loves to read.

[Cosmosmom]

I think (and hope) Josh will get into reading. He's very interested in letters now. He wants to know how to spell everything and what all the letters look like. (brag warning!) I could read in preschool. My parents like to remind me of that. LOL I had to bring a book everywhere I went for years, even in the car to the grocery store. I'll be very happy if he loves to read.

If he sees you enjoying it, he probably will too!

I'm very pro books.

My only advice would be to not limit his reading choices. I was going to be a children's librarian at first...until this nasty prof has us write papers on favorite childhood books and basically totally dissed me for liking what I did because it wasn't "worthy" and "quality". I dropped and am happy dealing with doctors and nurses instead!

And really I still like the more fun reading for relaxing and escape. I don't always way to read high "quality" literature and dissect it like I'm still in school.

[daylilies]

I've probably said this a thousand times different times on the board, RE: punishment. But when I was old enough, my mother had me do community service, during times that I would have been doing something else fun usually.

I'm not sure I agree with that because I'd want him to see community service as rewarding, not as a punishment.
My parents used to just ground me and send me to my room a lot and I see DH falling into this too. I don't see that as effective punishment. Later on in his life I think he'll be happy to go to his room away from us. LOL
I was a relatively good kid though...DH was not.

[Cosmosmom]

I'm not sure I agree with that because I'd want him to see community service as rewarding, not as a punishment.
My parents used to just ground me and send me to my room a lot and I see DH falling into this too. I don't see that as effective punishment. Later on in his life I think he'll be happy to go to his room away from us. LOL
I was a relatively good kid though...DH was not.

Depends on if their room is fun or not! If their room is fun, I would do something else or make their room not fun.

[daylilies]

It didn't take much to make my room fun. I had a walkman and books and a diary and I was all set. LOL

[Cosmosmom]

It didn't take much to make my room fun. I had a walkman and books and a diary and I was all set. LOL

Well see if you are going to get grounded to your room, you need to get the books and walkman taken out first.

I don't think that i was ever grounded. I got put in the corner when I was little (so little that I don't remember it!) and whole dab of soap thing when I was in 4th grade and just being really sassy (totally remember and no clue what possessed me to talk like to my mom).
Once I was 16, I could get the keys to the car taken away so I behaved because I REALLY liked having a car. LOL

Most of my life though I just remember knowing that if my mom gave me THAT look, I just knew she meant business and I better knock it off.

Oh wait I did get sent to my room...when I was a teen, preteen age and just a PITA and a drama queen, I cried a lot. I dont' know why, never got me anywhere but mom would just say, you want to cry, go ahead and go to your room and cry...doesn't hurt my feelings to see you cry and it's not going to get you.....(whatever it was I was trying to get away with).
Don't know why I kept trying that one....never worked once! LOL

It worked for a long time with DH. But after 12 years together, he's on to me. LOL

[MammaMia]

I dunno. I don't think discipline is all about punishment and rewards. I try to think more in terms of natural consequences. I think kids learn more that way, because it's a reflection of how the world actually works.

Sometimes it works out so that the natural consequence of bad behaviour is something that the child doesn't view as a punishment. I don't think that's necessarily a bad thing. If you send a child to their room, it gives them the opportunity to cool off a bit. Even if they don't mind going, it still sends the message that if they behave inappropriately, other people won't want to be around them.

Another example - back when Mia used to throw food on the floor, I always had her clean it up afterwards. Not as a punishment but a natural consequence. She enjoyed cleaning it. It still got the message across.

I don't know if I'm making any sense here. There are plenty of people who can explain it a lot more eloquently than I can.

[daylilies]

I see what you mean Sarah. That's kind of what I was going for when he threw a tantrum and threw everything around. I had said "ok if you're going to make a big mess now you have to clean it up". But he refused.

[Bridget]

I don't think there is a huge problem with tv in moderation. It just does not work at all for us. Savana's behavior has improved by leaps and bounds since we cut out tv. She just couldn't handle it. If nothing else, it eliminated the tantrums she had when she couldn't watch or it had to get shut off.
I like how peaceful it is without it too. But I have nothing against it for me. I like to lay in bed and watch trash like Celebrity Rehab. And I love Chelsea Lately.

[MammaMia]

Yeah, it's hard. Whatever form of discipline you use, you can't force them to do it. I guess maybe you just follow on to the next consequence - what's the logical consequence of throwing toys and refusing to pick them up? "Ok, if you can't look after your toys properly then mommy is putting them away out of reach for a while." I find it helps to do things in a calm neutral manner, even if you're totally not feeling calm and neutral.

I'm just throwing out ideas here. I know it's all good and well for me to sit and type out theories on the computer, but it's a totally different story when you're in the heat of the moment!

[daylilies]

Yep, that's why I took a bunch of them upstairs. He still hasn't missed them. LOL
I'm figuring if they're gone for like a week and he doesn't ask, we can give them away and make more room in his area.

[MammaMia]

Sweet! I need to get rid of some toys too. Our house is too small for all this junk.

[MammaMia]

In other news...I'm having a girls night out with some mommy friends tomorrow. I can't wait!

[missychrissy]

Woo hoo!! I haven't decided yet if I'm going out tonight or not. Either way, I think some drinks are gonna be involved.