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Thread: Secular Confessions

  1. #8311

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    Thanks Lydia. You're right. Problem is, there have been issues from the beginning that I thought I could just get over and I end up just resenting him for them. I don't even know how to go back to the issues we've had for so long and figure them out.

  2. #8312
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    I confess that I stole some pictures of our Valentine's Day vow renewal from the photographers website...

    http://americanpregnancy.org/forums/...d.php?t=233192
    Janeen - 30, Jimi - 42; Married October 21st, 2006;


  3. #8313
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    LOL Lydia you crack me up.
    Janeen - 30, Jimi - 42; Married October 21st, 2006;


  4. #8314

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    My night was....interesting. My time with S was wonderful and heartbreaking. I found out some more things about our friend's death that were really hard to hear. There were lots of tears but I think all in all it was good for both of us. She didn't stay long because our friend that was killed left behind twin 13 year old daughters and they were staying at her house that night. Her husband had taken them to a movie so she could spend some time with me. We'll get together again soon I hope. At one point she thanked me for letting her talk about Tracy. She said that she knows people avoid talking to her about it because they're afraid that she doesn't want to think about it. But she thinks about it anyway. And she just wants everyone to keep talking Tracy because when everyone stops talking about her she fades away. That makes sense to me.
    But meanwhile, dbf was tossing back drinks at about 3 to my one. And he ended up being really obnoxious to me in front of one of my other close friends. When him and I walked home he said really, really terrible things to me. I was disgusted with him. I told him today that I want to outline our plan for splitting up because I'm done feeling stuck. I just feel really close to ending this and have no idea how we'd figure everything out. I just don't think I should have to figure it all out myself.

  5. #8315

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    Lydia - I know how you feel about the lightbulb. Whenever I think of leaving dbf I always think about stupid stuff like that. Like, who's going to empty the eve troughs? Who's going to fix the water heater when it breaks down?

  6. #8316

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    Quote Originally Posted by bridgetwu75 View Post
    Lydia - I know how you feel about the lightbulb. Whenever I think of leaving dbf I always think about stupid stuff like that. Like, who's going to empty the eve troughs? Who's going to fix the water heater when it breaks down?
    I think about stuff like that too. It usually ends up being what keeps me here. But I think we really have to suck it up and do it. We'll probably feel better about ourselves in the end.

  7. #8317
    shutterbird Guest

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    Quote Originally Posted by bridgetwu75 View Post
    My night was....interesting. My time with S was wonderful and heartbreaking. I found out some more things about our friend's death that were really hard to hear. There were lots of tears but I think all in all it was good for both of us. She didn't stay long because our friend that was killed left behind twin 13 year old daughters and they were staying at her house that night. Her husband had taken them to a movie so she could spend some time with me. We'll get together again soon I hope. At one point she thanked me for letting her talk about Tracy. She said that she knows people avoid talking to her about it because they're afraid that she doesn't want to think about it. But she thinks about it anyway. And she just wants everyone to keep talking Tracy because when everyone stops talking about her she fades away. That makes sense to me.
    But meanwhile, dbf was tossing back drinks at about 3 to my one. And he ended up being really obnoxious to me in front of one of my other close friends. When him and I walked home he said really, really terrible things to me. I was disgusted with him. I told him today that I want to outline our plan for splitting up because I'm done feeling stuck. I just feel really close to ending this and have no idea how we'd figure everything out. I just don't think I should have to figure it all out myself.
    I am sorry you had to hear him open his giant trap... but yay for you taking the first step to get away from him! You deserve way better.

  8. #8318
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    Quote Originally Posted by shutterbird View Post
    I am sorry you had to hear him open his giant trap... but yay for you taking the first step to get away from him! You deserve way better.
    Same here. You really deserve to be treated with love and respect.

    And as far as the household handyman stuff, it's crazy that I felt so incompetent about a lightbulb! And no reason to stay with someone for that reason. I owned a house for years before I got married. I had a complete tool kit, I painted, I repaired toilets, I demolished a bathroom, I worked on appliances, I knew what to do if the pilot light went out. If I couldn't figure it out, I hired someone.

    Since I got married and had children, I've always deferred to dh when it comes to fixing stuff. He's faster and better, doesn't have to look things up, and it's just easier for me to take care of the kids while he repairs something. Same reason I do all the finances. Unfortunately, it leaves me in situations like this, when I KNOW how to change a lightbulb but I never once had done it with this particular fixture, and it was not easy to do the first time because I couldn't tell which pieces to take off and I was balancing on a chair. And I had to deal with the giant spider that crawled across the bed last night all by myself.

    Whatever the case, there is a first time to fix anything, and it gets easier the more you do it. And there are people out there who actually make money doing it for other people. It may be easier to have a guy around to fix things, but not if he's making life worse in other ways. The funny thing is, after I became a homeowner (and was still single), guys I went out with seemed so much more attractive if they were general contractors. Far more than doctors, actually. That was me being shallow, but at least recognizing it.


  9. #8319
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    Quote Originally Posted by bridgetwu75 View Post
    My night was....interesting. My time with S was wonderful and heartbreaking. I found out some more things about our friend's death that were really hard to hear. There were lots of tears but I think all in all it was good for both of us. She didn't stay long because our friend that was killed left behind twin 13 year old daughters and they were staying at her house that night. Her husband had taken them to a movie so she could spend some time with me. We'll get together again soon I hope. At one point she thanked me for letting her talk about Tracy. She said that she knows people avoid talking to her about it because they're afraid that she doesn't want to think about it. But she thinks about it anyway. And she just wants everyone to keep talking Tracy because when everyone stops talking about her she fades away. That makes sense to me.
    But meanwhile, dbf was tossing back drinks at about 3 to my one. And he ended up being really obnoxious to me in front of one of my other close friends. When him and I walked home he said really, really terrible things to me. I was disgusted with him. I told him today that I want to outline our plan for splitting up because I'm done feeling stuck. I just feel really close to ending this and have no idea how we'd figure everything out. I just don't think I should have to figure it all out myself.
    I'm glad you were able to talk to your friend, Bridget. I'm sure it was good for both of you.

    Regarding Dbf...well, you know my opinions on him. I think it's wonderful that you're thinking about making steps towards separating.


  10. #8320

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    I'm glad you could talk to your friend about your friend. I agree painful things can be hard to bring up but need to be discussed. Big hugs about the separation plans too. Keep us updated.

  11. #8321

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    Thanks ladies. I've basically been sitting in the bedroom all day and he's in the living room. I just don't even want to talk to him.
    I always thought I wanted to know how her and her daughter died. I wondered all of the time. Now that I know, it's haunting me and a part of me wishes I didn't know. I just can't help but wonder what is the point of having such evilness even exist. Why are humans so effed up?

  12. #8322

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    On a lighter note, Kai's been in underwear all weekend. He's doing awesome.
    I just posted this in the cloth diapering forum but wanted to share it here. He's super funny. He wants to be successful every time he sits so he practically pops a vessel trying to squeeze out a drop. Then I had to teach him just to pat the end of his penis when he finishes. He was doing a huge swipe of his balls, just the way he sees Savana wiping.

  13. #8323
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    Bridget, I'm sorry for what you are going through with BF but I suspect it's for the best. You deserve to be treated with love and respect. I'm so sorry. And I'm sorry you had to hear about the evil in the world.

    I confess there is a good chance DH will deploy to Afghanistan this May. He would have to transfer to a different state's National Guard and I am waiting to hear what is going to happen. I really, really don't want this to happen but he's trying to convince me that financially it makes sense and with him out of work for the majority of the last year and a half, he might be right.
    Last edited by Gwenn; 02-21-2010 at 08:30 PM.
    Me (40) DH (47) & furbabies * m/c 7/08 4/12 11/12

  14. #8324

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    Sorry Mandy
    Bridget that's awesome that Kai is doing well.

  15. #8325
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    Bridget, I'm thinking more and more about what a terrible weekend you must be having. Even when it's anticipated, a breakup of an important relationship is very very very hard. I can't imagine how much more difficult it would be with children. And I am having a hard time stomaching how even your dbf could be so heartless as to say such horrible things to you when you're trying to assimilate the new knowledge of how your best friend was killed by the father of her children.

    I've read some of the news stories about your friend, and I get sad for her and everyone her life touched, and anyone in a similar situation. I am even more sad at the thought that your dbf would abuse you when you're trying to cope with it.

    While you're probably still in shock, practically I would suggest trying to find out everything about his/yours/ours finances asap. You have given him some warning, and I wouldn't trust him to be perfectly honest and upfront about everything when it comes to child support.

    I am so sorry. I wish we could all be there with you.


  16. #8326

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    I also think it's nice that you got to spend some time with your friend and am sorry your BF was such a jerk. It must be so hard dealing with that and all the other things you are going through. I agree with the other ladies though, that you deserve better than that but I can also see how difficult everything will be to split up.

    And congrats to Kai for being a PT superstar! That is so cute about the squeezing LOL! On another note, it's nice to see someone call the gutters "eve's troughs." My DH used to try to argue with me that no one calls gutters eve's troughs outside of me and my family. I told him it was a midwest thing and even looked it up in my dictionary for him where it said that the phrase is associated with the Midwest and is another term for gutters. He gets mad because I tease him about his southern roots. Any southerners don't get mad at me, I just tease in good fun. My family has been in Ohio and other midwestern areas since right after slavery, some are from PA and were free people of color. DH's grandmother is from GA so he was raised with more of a southern dialect than I even though he is from Chicago and he and I tease each other about it. I call him country-ghetto and he says I'm bourgeoise because I'm too good to call a gutter what it is.

    Erin

  17. #8327
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    Quote Originally Posted by Lydia View Post
    Bridget, I'm thinking more and more about what a terrible weekend you must be having. Even when it's anticipated, a breakup of an important relationship is very very very hard. I can't imagine how much more difficult it would be with children. And I am having a hard time stomaching how even your dbf could be so heartless as to say such horrible things to you when you're trying to assimilate the new knowledge of how your best friend was killed by the father of her children.

    I've read some of the news stories about your friend, and I get sad for her and everyone her life touched, and anyone in a similar situation. I am even more sad at the thought that your dbf would abuse you when you're trying to cope with it.

    While you're probably still in shock, practically I would suggest trying to find out everything about his/yours/ours finances asap. You have given him some warning, and I wouldn't trust him to be perfectly honest and upfront about everything when it comes to child support.

    I am so sorry. I wish we could all be there with you.
    Yes, yes, yes to everything Lydia has written!

    Even nice, decent people tend to grow horns when it comes to splitting up, and seeing as your Dbf has been controlling with regards to finances while you were together, the chances of him being reasonable in a break-up are slim to none.

    Hope for the best, prepare for the worst.


  18. #8328

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    You all are so wonderful. Thank you for your support.
    He came in the room last night with a world of apolgies. I just don't feel like it's that simple anymore. I sort of have a problem with who he is. He asked me what and why and this is all I could think of.
    "You don't check yourself. You don't stop and listen. You come barging into a room/conversation/argument and just talk without listening. You don't check the vibe in the room before you open your mouth. You're that way at a bar and you're that way in the living room. It's not always okay to speak your mind. You don't always have the right to say what you think. Sometimes you just need to be quiet and listen. You could learn so much from other people, and about yourself, if you would just get out of your own head."
    He says he'll go to counseling, do whatever i want. Sometimes I wish he'd just barge out the front door in a fury so I didn't have to make these decisions. Either way, we are sitting down and outlining a break up plan.
    And Erin, lol about the eve troughs. I've never knows them as anything else. I thought gutters wer only in the streets.

  19. #8329

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    Bridget, I could have written the same thing about DH. Sometimes I just wish he'd make it easy for me to leave.

  20. #8330
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    Quote Originally Posted by daylilies View Post
    Bridget, I could have written the same thing about DH. Sometimes I just wish he'd make it easy for me to leave.
    Ditto.

    I find myself staying because there is good stuff there. Things will get better for a while and I'll have hope.

    Like yesterday, DH was making mean little jokes at my expense at every possible opportunity. If it were just now & then I'd probably laugh and tease him back, but when he does it all the time it becomes incredibly draining & depressing. Anyway, I called him on it and he seemed sorry, and was nice the rest of the day. I know he'll go back to doing it though.

    It's exhausting. The worst thing is that I hardly even feel like trying anymore, so a lot of our problems are related to my own unwillingness to make an effort. I'm just sick of trying.


  21. #8331

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    Quote Originally Posted by MammaMia View Post
    Ditto.

    I find myself staying because there is good stuff there. Things will get better for a while and I'll have hope.

    Like yesterday, DH was making mean little jokes at my expense at every possible opportunity. If it were just now & then I'd probably laugh and tease him back, but when he does it all the time it becomes incredibly draining & depressing. Anyway, I called him on it and he seemed sorry, and was nice the rest of the day. I know he'll go back to doing it though.

    It's exhausting. The worst thing is that I hardly even feel like trying anymore, so a lot of our problems are related to my own unwillingness to make an effort. I'm just sick of trying.
    This.

  22. #8332

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    Ditto everything Sarah said too.
    DH used to tease me constantly too like I was a kid sister or a guy buddy. I told him it bugged me and he finally stopped. It took a long time though.

  23. #8333
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    I hate that you guys are going through the same crap, but I'm glad to not feel so alone.

    I confess that I have a high school friend in the country and she's leaving tomorrow and I haven't invited her around for dinner (mostly because my house looks like a bomb hit it). I just saw her for lunch and was wondering whether I should invite her round. Maybe she's sick of me and just wants the evening to herself.


  24. #8334

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    I confess I feel so overwhelmed when catching up on this thread on Mondays. I never seem to have much APA time on the weekends - probably cause I'm focusing on Liam, which is not necessarily a bad thing.

    Quote Originally Posted by daylilies View Post
    Severin reminds me of Slytherin and Severus Snape from Harry Potter. It's just too offbeat for me...but don't listen to me, Joshua was the most popular the year he was born! (we did not know that, at the time)
    I have to admit I have the same thought when I hear "Severin". I thought Severus.
    I still like Quinn and Soren the best.

    Quote Originally Posted by daylilies View Post
    One thing I was thinking but wasn't sure if it was too simple, was a chicken breast thing I do that's topped with Fontina cheese and prosciutto. It's really good, and easy. You just sear the chicken, top it and broil it for a few minutes. Do you think that's too boring?
    Another thing I could do is beef stroganoff. I have a good recipe I just made a few days ago. (and a couple tricks I learned to shorten the process and add depth of flavor) My specialty is soups and stews, but they are too time consuming for a couple hour class.
    I think the chicken with a nice salad with a homemade vinaigrette as Lydia suggested sounds awesome.
    And I'd love to have the beef stroganoff recipe. I love that stuff but only have when bought as a prepared kit type meal.

    Quote Originally Posted by Lydia View Post
    And as far as the household handyman stuff, it's crazy that I felt so incompetent about a lightbulb! And no reason to stay with someone for that reason. I owned a house for years before I got married. I had a complete tool kit, I painted, I repaired toilets, I demolished a bathroom, I worked on appliances, I knew what to do if the pilot light went out. If I couldn't figure it out, I hired someone.

    Since I got married and had children, I've always deferred to dh when it comes to fixing stuff. He's faster and better, doesn't have to look things up, and it's just easier for me to take care of the kids while he repairs something. Same reason I do all the finances. Unfortunately, it leaves me in situations like this, when I KNOW how to change a lightbulb but I never once had done it with this particular fixture, and it was not easy to do the first time because I couldn't tell which pieces to take off and I was balancing on a chair. And I had to deal with the giant spider that crawled across the bed last night all by myself.
    This is the way I feel with computer stuff. I could do all sorts of things myself before I met my husband, and of course he's a giant computer geek. I have forgotten so much that I had learned and it really frustrates me. There have been times I've asked him to coach me on things and sometimes he gets frustrated and just wants to do it himself cause it's faster.

    Lydia, I shuddered on your behalf at the spider on the bed.

    I confess I have lived in the Midwest my entire life and have NEVER heard the term eve's troughs. They have always been gutters, and it's always been my job to clean them.
    Krista & Jonathan: Liam, our one and only, born 9 Sep 2008



  25. #8335

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    The stroganoff I cooked most recently is from Cooks Illustrated. You have to sign up with a credit card on the website to see the recipe and it is very long--if you can get your hands on the issue (or a subscription) it is well worth it. It's a great magazine. They improve upon classic recipes and explain why what they did is better.
    If I have some time later I will type out the recipe!

  26. #8336

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    I confess that I can't stop thinking about nacho cheese doritos. Oh how I love them but do NOT buy them because they're so bad for me and I'm so obsessive about eating healthy. I'm ready to cave though. Yum.
    I confess that I'm supposed to take the kids outside every day that's 20 degrees or above but I don't always. It's so hard when they are all involved in what they are doing inside, to tear them away, take the 15 minutes to get them in all their winter gear to go outside for 20 minutes until someone inevitably falls down mittenless, or steps out of their boot and into the snow. I vow to take them outside tomorrow.
    I went upstairs after the kids fell asleep and dbf semi-cleaned the house and has ribs in the crockpot. I guess he's trying to make up for this weekend because I've been begging him to pitch in on dinner duty and he's never stepped up.

  27. #8337

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    I'm sorry about what you are going through, Bridget.

    "Any idiot can face a crisis; it is this day-to-day living that wears you out." -Anton Chekhov


  28. #8338
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    Quote Originally Posted by bridgetwu75 View Post
    I confess that I can't stop thinking about nacho cheese doritos. Oh how I love them but do NOT buy them because they're so bad for me and I'm so obsessive about eating healthy. I'm ready to cave though. Yum.
    I caved the other day and bought 2 bags and had eaten both in like 5 days! These are my biggest pregnancy craving, but I don't allow myself them most of the time because they are soo bad!

  29. #8339

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    I just had a little bag of those Doritos with lunch! LOL

  30. #8340
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    Doritos are soooo good.

    That reminds me - I had a greasy hamburger and chips with this MSG salt on them. I felt like crap afterwards, but it was so delicious that it was totally worth it.


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