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Thread: Secular Confessions

  1. #7531
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    Kate, when my DH lost his job and was depressed, I pushed him a LOT to get out there and apply for things and do something, anything. He only started to feel better once he had a job...and it was not a cool job or anything like that and didn't require a degree and he has a masters. But just getting out the house, having to get dressed several times a week and getting to talk to someone other than me...was vital. Even though when he didn't work, he took care of the cooking and cleaning and errands, he didn't feel useful and like he was a loser (it was NOT his fault he lost his job). I currently bring home almost double what he does...but the fact that he brings home money is huge to him. We could live off mine alone but it would be tight. His income allows us to have the lifestyle we want. But so much more than that is the what having a job to go to did for his sense of self.
    DH has even said that if we ever do win the lottery (fat chance but we dream!)...that he quit working and go to school for finance so he could manage our money. And after that he would still want to work even if it was as a volunteer...at least do something part-time.

    It was VERY hard to be married to a person dealing with depression.

    Jennifer, 35, DH 36

  2. #7532

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    I imagine it's very hard to live with me these days. I know we're going through hard times but I feel like he's pushing me out the door. He even says "we don't even have to work the same shift" --so then we'd never see each other! I swear this is just his way to not have to deal with any of our issues!
    It's not even that he's trying to get me out there so I can cope with depression (or whatever it is I have at this point) or to find myself. He couldn't care less if I had a job until he started seeing the money problems.

    I always have this idealized vision of work--I picture myself being useful, knowledgeable, funny, personable, someone the others look up to. But then I just lose all confidence when I get a job, or I end up working with people who are more experienced than me and undermine my every move. I get discouraged and figure staying at home with my child who needs me is better than that. But now it's not even a question of wanting to get a job now. I have to. I just wish I didn't feel forced. As hard a time I have with Josh sometimes, I still think I would rather be a SAHM.

  3. #7533

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    Quote Originally Posted by Janeen View Post
    I confess that I woke up at 4:50am and felt like screaming. I was sleeping crappy all night, dreaming of baby stuff, waking up constantly and tossing and turning because I couldn't get comfortable. THEN at 4:45, Jimi farted the loudest and stinkiest fart I have ever experienced in my life and that's when I finally said "FORGET IT, I'm getting out of this stinky room!!!" I came downstairs and ended up falling back asleep around 6:30 on the couch. I don't think I've had a good nights rest in a month or more.
    Hmmm, and don't expect to get a good nights rest in a long while either.
    I think the latter half of my pregnancy I slept with no less than 11 pillows - sometimes on the couch, sometimes in bed. And up appx every 45 min (definitely no more than 2 hours) to pee.

    Quote Originally Posted by Kitty View Post
    I just wanted to pop in and say and that I had my baby girl on Thursday! Quick and (relatively) easy delivery w/o epidural, like I wanted! She is beautiful and we named her Claire.

    Some of you might remember that there was an issue with her having a cyst that could have been either ovarian or renal. Well it turns out it was both. She does have an ovarian cyst, but also has a multicystic dysplastic kidney (MCDK) and so has and will only ever have one functioning kidney. Her remaining kidney looks perfectly normal, however, and she is otherwise very healthy. There is nothing to do now about the MCDK but keep and eye on it so that's what we're doing.
    Woo hoo! Congrats Kitty!

    Side note, I had an aunt that was born with only one kidney. She lived to 98 years of age.
    Krista & Jonathan: Liam, our one and only, born 9 Sep 2008



  4. #7534

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    I confess one of the librarians at my local library treats me like crap. The first encounter had me thinking she had a rough day. The second encounter was me asking a different librarian if there was any way possible for me to re-check out a book since I'd already renewed it once and really wanted to finish it. The librarian I was speaking to said as long as no one had it on hold and the biatch one stepped in and said no, that I'd have to come back another day and get it off the shelf. Third time was saturday and she was so rude to me that I almost asked her what her problem was. Of course I didn't but she put a damper on my day and I don't appreciate that. I mean, WTH lady?
    I have to wonder if she treats everyone like that or if it's just me.

  5. #7535

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    Quote Originally Posted by daylilies View Post
    I imagine it's very hard to live with me these days. I know we're going through hard times but I feel like he's pushing me out the door. He even says "we don't even have to work the same shift" --so then we'd never see each other! I swear this is just his way to not have to deal with any of our issues!
    It's not even that he's trying to get me out there so I can cope with depression (or whatever it is I have at this point) or to find myself. He couldn't care less if I had a job until he started seeing the money problems.

    I always have this idealized vision of work--I picture myself being useful, knowledgeable, funny, personable, someone the others look up to. But then I just lose all confidence when I get a job, or I end up working with people who are more experienced than me and undermine my every move. I get discouraged and figure staying at home with my child who needs me is better than that. But now it's not even a question of wanting to get a job now. I have to. I just wish I didn't feel forced. As hard a time I have with Josh sometimes, I still think I would rather be a SAHM.
    What sort of a job are you looking for?

  6. #7536

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    Quote Originally Posted by bridgetwu75 View Post
    What sort of a job are you looking for?
    Anything, at this point. In general I prefer tasks, but I'm not sure what job that translates to. What I didn't like about cooking was the unpredictability. I would like someone to say "do this this and this and then you can go home at this time". I used to think I wouldn't like repetition but now I think I would.
    DH wants me to do cooking so I don't waste my degree and also because it's one job where they'll take pretty much anyone even if they haven't held a job for a longperiod time or if they haven't worked in a while. I don't really have the skills for anything else.

  7. #7537
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    Quote Originally Posted by bridgetwu75 View Post
    I confess one of the librarians at my local library treats me like crap. The first encounter had me thinking she had a rough day. The second encounter was me asking a different librarian if there was any way possible for me to re-check out a book since I'd already renewed it once and really wanted to finish it. The librarian I was speaking to said as long as no one had it on hold and the biatch one stepped in and said no, that I'd have to come back another day and get it off the shelf. Third time was saturday and she was so rude to me that I almost asked her what her problem was. Of course I didn't but she put a damper on my day and I don't appreciate that. I mean, WTH lady?
    I have to wonder if she treats everyone like that or if it's just me.
    I would complain about her to the library director. There is NO excuse for that. Librarians are a service industry...we are here to service the needs of our patrons.
    As far as the book, there should be no reason why you couldn't check it out again as long as there wasn't a hold. Some places to limit the number of renewals BUT if you had passed that number (which you probably didn't), all they had to do was check it in and check it right back out to you.
    Oh you know what, if you were dealing with the circulation desk, those probably aren't even librarians and are techs or assistants...and if that woman won't be nice while working, there are probably plenty of people who would want that job.....

    Jennifer, 35, DH 36

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    Quote Originally Posted by Cosmosmom View Post
    I would complain about her to the library director.
    This for sure! and I probably would have asked her what her problem was. so uncool!!

    Oh you know what, if you were dealing with the circulation desk, those probably aren't even librarians and are techs or assistants...and if that woman won't be nice while working, there are probably plenty of people who would want that job.....
    I'd LOVE that job!

  9. #7539

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    I don't know what her deal is. I have late fines a lot. Do they take they personally?
    It was awful on saturday. I was returning some movies and had no idea they were a day late and the fine is 2.00 a day. I had 4 movies and then an existing fine so my total was 10.60. She told me I couldn't check out any books until I had the fine below 10. That's fine. If it's a rule, it's a rule. I get that. But she was seriously treating me like I borrowed her Prada bag without asking. And to top it off, I had no cash on me. So I pulled out my checkbook, just to realize that I had used my last check. I was trying to be friendly and talk to her and she would not even look at me. Finally she said, "Do you have money or not?"
    So I asked her if I could go out to my car quick. I had a pile of books on the counter and a movie for the kids. She didn't answer me so I just said I'd be right back and left. I dug in my car until I scrounged up 70 cents. I came in and said, "70 cents will do it right? I'll pay it in it's entirety next time I come in. Can you believe I left my house without a dollar to my name" (Why am I still trying at this point? I have no idea)
    Again, not a word. Just held out her hand without looking at me.
    Then I checked out my books and she said as she handed me my slip, "Let's note due dates hmmm?"
    Now part of me is just trying to say she was just doing her job but man, I'm in there every single week. She coulda cut me a break. Or not cut me a break and just been freaking nice about it.
    Last edited by Bridget; 01-19-2010 at 05:45 PM.

  10. #7540

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    Condescending, hmmm?

  11. #7541

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    Do you think maybe she deals with children all day and so she treats adults as such?

  12. #7542

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    Quote Originally Posted by daylilies View Post
    Do you think maybe she deals with children all day and so she treats adults as such?
    Gad, I hope not. She would terrify children. I mean, she treated me with disdain. That really irks me.

  13. #7543

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    I'd be speaking with the director asap or at the very least, NEVER go to her again. If she is the only one there, ask to speak to the director/manager/whatever and have someone else help you.

    Quote Originally Posted by bridgetwu75 View Post
    I don't know what her deal is. I have late fines a lot. Do they take they personally?
    It was awful on saturday. I was returning some movies and had no idea they were a day late and the fine is 2.00 a day. I had 4 movies and then an existing fine so my total was 10.60. She told me I couldn't check out any books until I had the fine below 10. That's fine. If it's a rule, it's a rule. I get that. But she was seriously treating me like I borrowed her Prada bag without asking. And to top it off, I had no cash on me. So I pulled out my checkbook, just to realize that I had used my last check. I was trying to be friendly and talk to her and she would not even look at me. Finally she said, "Do you have money or not?"
    So I asked her if I could go out to my car quick. I had a pile of books on the counter and a movie for the kids. She didn't answer me so I just said I'd be right back and left. I dug in my car until I scrounged up 70 cents. I came in and said, "70 cents will do it right? I'll pay it in it's entirety next time I come in. Can you believe I left my house without a dollar to my name" (Why am I still trying at this point? I have no idea)
    Again, not a word. Just held out her hand without looking at me.
    Then I checked out my books and she said as she handed me my slip, "Let's note due dates hmmm?"
    Now part of me is just trying to say she was just doing her job but man, I'm in there every single week. She coulda cut me a break. Or not cut me a break and just been freaking nice about it.

    "Any idiot can face a crisis; it is this day-to-day living that wears you out." -Anton Chekhov


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    What a BIOTCH!

  15. #7545

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    Quote Originally Posted by bridgetwu75 View Post
    Gad, I hope not. She would terrify children. I mean, she treated me with disdain. That really irks me.
    I didn't say she'd be any good with children Just the way she talked down to you reminded me of how some people talk to kids.

  16. #7546

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    omg, I'm such a freak. I just got so upset! Our neighbors have a meyer lemon tree and they don't pick the fruit off of it. We take the fruit off of our side of the fence, or at least as much as we can use. Anyway, I just looked out the window and saw a guy walking down the street with three pre-pubescent girls. He had a super long stick that he used to bang on the tree to get all the fruit off of it. The girls were in our yard gathering all the lemons. Not just once, but he was harvesting! They walked off laughing. I came outside and said "Hey, that's stealing!" He said "Aww, we only took a few." I said "Yes, but it is still stealing" and shrugged my shoulders. He shrugged his shoulders. I went back to my door and he yelled something about having hungry children, I couldn't really hear what he said, but it just got me. Because it was stealing, but if they hadn't taken them off the tree, the fruit probably wouldn't have been eaten, so I guess they got good use, but they didn't ASK (or at least do it at night, not just blatantly stealing in broad daylight ). Anyway, I got really upset and I think it is because that guy should feel bad for stealing, but he won't. Probably, though, I ruined a fun experience for those girls who live in a city and probably never picked fruit off of a tree. And they shouldn't steal, but then if they are really hungry, of course they should take the fruit. But it's flippin' Meyer lemons, so they won't really be eaten at all. I just came out of it feeling like the biggest miserly jerk on earth. Like the old lady yelling "Hey You kids! GEt off my lawn!"

    I think I am pms-ing because there is no reason for it to make me cry and it really did.

    "Any idiot can face a crisis; it is this day-to-day living that wears you out." -Anton Chekhov


  17. #7547
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    Quote Originally Posted by maggie View Post
    Er, I think I might have figured out what caused your steam build up. release, lady, let it all out.
    Darn it, I hate being out of the loop. I even looked around a little bit for interesting posts, and couldn't find anything. Grr.

    Quote Originally Posted by daylilies View Post
    I always have this idealized vision of work--I picture myself being useful, knowledgeable, funny, personable, someone the others look up to. But then I just lose all confidence when I get a job, or I end up working with people who are more experienced than me and undermine my every move. I get discouraged and figure staying at home with my child who needs me is better than that. But now it's not even a question of wanting to get a job now. I have to. I just wish I didn't feel forced. As hard a time I have with Josh sometimes, I still think I would rather be a SAHM.
    That is a great vision to have in a job, but it so rarely happens. Whenever you start a new job, you're going to have less experience than the others. Heck, I've been at my job for over 10 years, am a designated expert, but I still have my moments of insecurity, both in my existing skills and in thinking I could be doing better. It helps to think of jobs as something you learn, rather than something you "should" know. I try to look at each experience, positive or negative, as something I could learn (and improve) from. It's taken a lot of conscious changes in my thinking. If I make a mistake, I try not to beat myself up over it and I try to think of ways I could have done better.

    Quote Originally Posted by bridgetwu75 View Post
    I confess one of the librarians at my local library treats me like crap.
    Definitely speak to her supervisor. I admire your fortitude in continuing to use the library so often when faced with that attitude every week. Still, it's probably a lot harder to BE her, rather than just deal with her.

    Quote Originally Posted by katycat24 View Post
    omg, I'm such a freak. I just got so upset!
    I've been having a lot of that lately, myself.


  18. #7548

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    Thanks Lydia. I just feel like, when I walk into cooking jobs, I have a degree, I should know what I'm doing, but I'm such a flake and I can't think on my feet and it turns out having a few years of experience helps so much more than just having a degree, in the cooking world. But I have a hard time learning on the job, I get overwhelmed easily. So every time I leave a job and find a new one I feel like I'm back at square one. I end up hindering instead of helping. People are usually nice about it to my face, but I can see it happening.

  19. #7549

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    Quote Originally Posted by Lydia View Post



    Definitely speak to her supervisor. I admire your fortitude in continuing to use the library so often when faced with that attitude every week. Still, it's probably a lot harder to BE her, rather than just deal with her.



    .
    Exactly what I think when I have to deal with people like this. How much would it suck to be so ornery all of the time?
    And I could NEVER not use the library. I love it there. With or without my kids. The library rocks. Plus the rest of the ladies that work there are totally lovely.

  20. #7550

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    Quote Originally Posted by katycat24 View Post

    I think I am pms-ing because there is no reason for it to make me cry and it really did.
    I often find myself crying about things that really don't qualify as crying moments.
    I chalk it up to a build up of all the little injustices.

  21. #7551
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    I confess I'm feeling really down, and I'm upset about being down. I really, really don't want to slip back into depression again.

    Kate, I am incredibly insecure about myself professionally. I went to school for years, completed a supervised fellowship, direct experience, and extra training in my specialty area. I question everything I do and everything everyone says to me. I do see some things I do very well but I also see my weaknesses probably more than anyone else. It's really a work in progress and you never really stop growing.
    Me (39) DH (46) & furbabies * m/c 7/08 4/12 11/12

  22. #7552
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    Bridget, sorry about the library lady. I have to wonder what is up with your town? You have so many crazy stories!
    Me (39) DH (46) & furbabies * m/c 7/08 4/12 11/12

  23. #7553

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    Quote Originally Posted by gwennero View Post
    Bridget, sorry about the library lady. I have to wonder what is up with your town? You have so many crazy stories!
    Hey, I'm sorry to hear you are feeling down.
    I have to wonder what's up with this town too. Every time I leave my house.

  24. #7554
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    Quote Originally Posted by sunrider View Post
    Hmmm, and don't expect to get a good nights rest in a long while either.
    I think the latter half of my pregnancy I slept with no less than 11 pillows - sometimes on the couch, sometimes in bed. And up appx every 45 min (definitely no more than 2 hours) to pee.



    Woo hoo! Congrats Kitty!

    Side note, I had an aunt that was born with only one kidney. She lived to 98 years of age.
    Yesterday I woke up around 7am and then fell back asleep on the couch until 11am. I was so much more comfortable there and slept so much better. Jimi sadly asked if I was going to start sleeping on the couch. I told him I would probably consider it except for there's no way I could sleep without him for the rest of this pregnancy. He then told me that if it makes me more comfortable and I get more sleep (good sleep), then he would be willing to sleep on the couch with me.

    Thankfully we have a really big v-shaped sectional couch.
    Janeen - 30, Jimi - 42; Married October 21st, 2006;


  25. #7555

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    I slept better on the couch in the last three months of my pg than my bed. Propped up a bit made everything work a bit better, especially once my indigestion kicked in.

    "Any idiot can face a crisis; it is this day-to-day living that wears you out." -Anton Chekhov


  26. #7556

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    Holy library lady. She needs to be the crabby library lady in a romantic comedy who gets a date and flowers and ends up being Jennifer Aniston (or insert a more appropriate female lead here) or something and dating some hawt dude. And they live happily ever after and she stops being mean to Bridget.
    Norah! (3 yr)

  27. #7557
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    Quote Originally Posted by maggie View Post
    Holy library lady. She needs to be the crabby library lady in a romantic comedy who gets a date and flowers and ends up being Jennifer Aniston (or insert a more appropriate female lead here) or something and dating some hawt dude. And they live happily ever after and she stops being mean to Bridget.
    I think you said it best. Sorry, Bridget. You should definitely pull the 'what's your problem' card next time you're in there.

    Lydia, I love your new siggy pics. Those cards look pretty awesome. We're starting our V-day crafts tomorrow.

  28. #7558
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    Quote Originally Posted by bridgetwu75 View Post
    I don't know what her deal is. I have late fines a lot. Do they take they personally?
    It was awful on saturday. I was returning some movies and had no idea they were a day late and the fine is 2.00 a day. I had 4 movies and then an existing fine so my total was 10.60. She told me I couldn't check out any books until I had the fine below 10. That's fine. If it's a rule, it's a rule. I get that. But she was seriously treating me like I borrowed her Prada bag without asking. And to top it off, I had no cash on me. So I pulled out my checkbook, just to realize that I had used my last check. I was trying to be friendly and talk to her and she would not even look at me. Finally she said, "Do you have money or not?"
    So I asked her if I could go out to my car quick. I had a pile of books on the counter and a movie for the kids. She didn't answer me so I just said I'd be right back and left. I dug in my car until I scrounged up 70 cents. I came in and said, "70 cents will do it right? I'll pay it in it's entirety next time I come in. Can you believe I left my house without a dollar to my name" (Why am I still trying at this point? I have no idea)
    Again, not a word. Just held out her hand without looking at me.
    Then I checked out my books and she said as she handed me my slip, "Let's note due dates hmmm?"
    Now part of me is just trying to say she was just doing her job but man, I'm in there every single week. She coulda cut me a break. Or not cut me a break and just been freaking nice about it.
    That is NOT cool of her. I mean if there are rules, fine. But she didn't need to be so rude.

    Jennifer, 35, DH 36

  29. #7559
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    Quote Originally Posted by Lydia View Post
    That is a great vision to have in a job, but it so rarely happens. Whenever you start a new job, you're going to have less experience than the others. Heck, I've been at my job for over 10 years, am a designated expert, but I still have my moments of insecurity, both in my existing skills and in thinking I could be doing better. It helps to think of jobs as something you learn, rather than something you "should" know. I try to look at each experience, positive or negative, as something I could learn (and improve) from. It's taken a lot of conscious changes in my thinking. If I make a mistake, I try not to beat myself up over it and I try to think of ways I could have done better.



    D.
    That is so well said. I didn't get a chance to write about that earlier today but was thinking about it.
    I too am a supposed expert in my job. I have been in medical libraries for over six years now, 3 as the assistant and 3 as the librarian. I have a masters degree and specifically took classes in medical librarianship.

    I often feel like I hardly know anything! I always wonder when I send a search off to our staff if I'm missing the one perfect article or maybe this is a subject that just doesn't have much research yet.
    I feel like the older librarians always know sooo much more when I'm following the professional listservs.

    I'm constantly trying to learn new things, new ways, keeping up with the technology.

    I also think that it really helps to look at a job as a job. It's a way to make money. I am lucky in that I do like my job but it is NOT my passion in life...it's a way to make money and help people. I think that most people if given the choice would rather being doing something else instead of going to work (be it sleeping in, being with your kids, doing volunteer work, going to school, traveling).

    Jennifer, 35, DH 36

  30. #7560

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    Well I guess if the rest of my life were great, maybe I wouldn't mind spending 8 hours a day in a place I would rather not be in. But I have to at least kind of like it or I will not last.

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