Secular Confessions

[3andMe]

Sarah, are you and dh reconciling? How are you doing?

Ashley, I'm sorry your ex is so stereotypically awful.

Bridget, I have just barely started looking at dh sometimes and seeing the older person he will be. It's weird noticing the little gray hairs and the expressions and posture of someone much older than how I think of him. We met for the first time when I was 21, and he's a few years younger than I am, so he's always this brilliant young man to me. And yes, it is sad. For me, though, what's worse is looking in the mirror and seeing the older woman I'm becoming (much more rapidly than dh) and realizing there is nothing I can do to stop it.

Wah, I just made myself all angsty right before bedtime. When I have to go brush my teeth and look in a mirror.

[MammaMia]

I'm sorry he's being an asshat Ashley.

The loft sounds great Bridget! Nice to have more space when it's cold outside.

Lydia - we haven't made any decisions yet. My mother leaves tomorrow and we're going to look into counseling after that. DH has been nice lately. We might be postponing the inevitable, but I'd like to be able to say we did our best to make it work. I'm job hunting - I want to have money if things don't work out.

Mia is starting full-time daycare today. Up until now she's only been there 3 hours a day. I hope she does ok!

[daylilies]

I confess I accused DH of cheating. I found a condom in his pocket when we were going through laundry. Thing is I am not even sure of it, but his response was not convincing. I do not like to have sex anywhere other than at home and he knows that but he says "I was still hoping". But he couldn't tell me from what day it was, and we have been out together a lot.
I said "looks like someone's looking to get laid" and he said "yup, hoping" and I said mind telling me where? work? and he just kind of walked away. Not the reassurance I was looking for. I understand he doesn't feel like he should have to defend himself after all this time, but a bit of passion and heartfelt honesty was what I was looking for. Not a total blowoff. So now he's just pissed I could ever possibly think that of him "after all we've been through". I told him any woman who found a condom in her husband's pocket would be a fool to think nothing of it, no matter how long they'd been together or how trustworthy he seemed. Am I wrong? I thought about all the women I've seen on here who caught their husbands cheating. I thought about my dad who was married to my mom for 23 years and cheated on her.

Yes, I am almost positive the condom was meant for me, but don't I still have to wonder?

[WillowSpy]

I confess I accused DH of cheating. I found a condom in his pocket when we were going through laundry. Thing is I am not even sure of it, but his response was not convincing. I do not like to have sex anywhere other than at home and he knows that but he says "I was still hoping". But he couldn't tell me from what day it was, and we have been out together a lot.
I said "looks like someone's looking to get laid" and he said "yup, hoping" and I said mind telling me where? work? and he just kind of walked away. Not the reassurance I was looking for. I understand he doesn't feel like he should have to defend himself after all this time, but a bit of passion and heartfelt honesty was what I was looking for. Not a total blowoff. So now he's just pissed I could ever possibly think that of him "after all we've been through". I told him any woman who found a condom in her husband's pocket would be a fool to think nothing of it, no matter how long they'd been together or how trustworthy he seemed. Am I wrong? I thought about all the women I've seen on here who caught their husbands cheating. I thought about my dad who was married to my mom for 23 years and cheated on her.

Yes, I am almost positive the condom was meant for me, but don't I still have to wonder?

I'm so sorry. And I agree with your logic on this... unless spontaneous sex outside of the house was something regular in my life with DH, my first thought on seeing a condom in his pocket would be either that he's cheating or that he wishes he was and is preparing for the possibility. Not saying that my first thought would be right, but it would be in my head.

[Cosmosmom]

Yes, I am almost positive the condom was meant for me, but don't I still have to wonder?

In my case I would definitely think something was up but that is because we are trying to get pg and haven't used anything like that in years. If it was back when we were still using them, I don't know that I would.....well except for the fact that I was the one who usually carried them in my purse (and I think that we only DTD like once in 11 years that wasn't at home).

Have you had a chance to talk to your therapist or call around for a new one?

[The10Eels]

I'm so sorry. And I agree with your logic on this... unless spontaneous sex outside of the house was something regular in my life with DH, my first thought on seeing a condom in his pocket would be either that he's cheating or that he wishes he was and is preparing for the possibility. Not saying that my first thought would be right, but it would be in my head.

This. A million times over

[MammaMia]

I'm so sorry. And I agree with your logic on this... unless spontaneous sex outside of the house was something regular in my life with DH, my first thought on seeing a condom in his pocket would be either that he's cheating or that he wishes he was and is preparing for the possibility. Not saying that my first thought would be right, but it would be in my head.

Yep, this. I'm so sorry you have to worry about that Kate.

[Janeen]

I confess that I'm pretty irritated with Jimi over baby stuff right now. I have been feeling the stress a little bit about how we are going to afford this nice nursery furniture we both agreed on. Again, that we both agreed on. So when he agrees on something, since he is the one that does the finances... I think "YAY! He said yes so we can afford it!!!"

Well, he sent me his budget this morning and under pay-offs he has nursery furniture rated at an 8.5 (with 10 being the lowest priority) and our dining room furniture (from a rent to own place) rated at a 1!!! The only thing rated at a lower priority is our trip to Hawaii.

I sent him an email immediately and asked why the nursery furniture is at an 8.5 to which he responds with:

Because lowering our monthly bills is more important and going to Hawaii is less important.

I asked if he thought we could get all of those other bills paid off within the four months of pregnancy we have left and he says:

If it doesn’t we won’t be able to feed the baby much less have a nice crib.

Uhhhhh yeah, I emailed back and said my frame of mind is way different, as to be expected. And I also reminded him that as long as things go as I plan...it isn't going to cost anything to feed baby for a while since I will be breastfeeding.

I can't wait to see him pull something out of his arse.

But until then, I am already tired of stressing and the stress only REALLY hit me on Sunday when we went and registered lol

[Cosmosmom]

I'm sorry Janeen. I'm one who doesn't take care of the money either and DH does...but at least I do understand his method and priorities.

As for the furniture, I used to go into USA Baby and pick out the expensive fancy sets. Eventually we said forget about the baby, who knows if we will ever get one and they don't care about furniture anyway. And we bought ourselves really nice bedroom furniture. I still need a headboard because I didn't care for the one that matched the rest of the dressers/night stands...I have an idea in my head but haven't found it yet.

[Janeen]

I DON'T understand his method and priorities so I just throw my hands up in the air and say oh well, he will work it all out. And he always does...but sometimes, like now...it stresses me out and right now I feel like the only thing that is going to lower my stress level is to see some progress in getting baby stuff.

I just keep thinking "four months, you only have four, frickin months lady!"

[Cosmosmom]

I confess....I think that DH missed his calling in life. His degrees are in geology. But I think that he should have gone into finance. He doesn't want to go back to school at this time though.

We were watching GMA this morning and they were talking about ways to save money and such. We always hope to learn something....but never do.

It's not so much things like individual stocks and fancy things like that. But more so just budgets and saving and every day living that he is so good with.

I really like to shop and buy things....but he worked his magic on me and we don't fight about buying things like we used to in the very beginning.

[Janeen]

I overspend, but mostly on eating out.

Jimi is currently taking a break until we can afford it...but he is going to school for finance. I forget the exact name of the degree but it's business finance. And working at the mortgage company as a side job has helped him a lot...especially since his boss there is super rich and he wants to be like that so he learns everything financially that he can from him. This guy lives in a ten bedroom house and only uses like three of them. He bought the house because it was such a good deal he couldn't pass it up...and he can afford it lol

[Cosmosmom]

I DON'T understand his method and priorities so I just throw my hands up in the air and say oh well, he will work it all out. And he always does...but sometimes, like now...it stresses me out and right now I feel like the only thing that is going to lower my stress level is to see some progress in getting baby stuff.

I just keep thinking "four months, you only have four, frickin months lady!"

Four months is still a decent amount of time though. Is this furniture the kind you have to pre-order? Does the store offer any buying options? I think that the set I wanted 4 years ago was one that had to be ordered in advance but only about 10% was required down.

It took me a while to understand DH's planning too. It was so hard in the beginning because he was SOOOO tight with everything and questioned even pretty much every grocery item. He promised though that once savings was at a certain level, he would relax a bit and he did. I just asked this morning at what point would savings be good again for him....and he said the same number I was thinking would be comfortable for me. And since we are currently under this number having just bought our land....it's going to be a while. and of course we have all the expenses of closing coming up, a washer/dryer, window treatments, lawn and yard stuff, moving costs......I think that I'm actually a bit more stressed about it than DH. (our families thought he might cry or be sick when we handed over the check for the land).

I give DH a lot of credit though....because of him we have been able to take a few nice vacations, have two decent cars that are totally paid off (mine only has 25K for miles, his has 46K), have several retirement accounts set up, survived a job loss of his in 2006 without touching savings except when we moved up here, were fine for most of his year when his hours and pay were cut (he has the hours back) and paid cash for our land (will be the down payment for the house we are building).

He did miss his calling I think. If I had been in charge, we likely would have had credit card debt and a whole lot more stuff and we wouldn't be building our dream house because we would have bought one years ago that I wouldn't have liked nearly as much.

[Janeen]

Nope, it's at Babies R Us it doesn't have to be pre-ordered. It's the Carter's Sleep Haven set in chocolate.

[Cosmosmom]

I overspend, but mostly on eating out.

Jimi is currently taking a break until we can afford it...but he is going to school for finance. I forget the exact name of the degree but it's business finance. And working at the mortgage company as a side job has helped him a lot...especially since his boss there is super rich and he wants to be like that so he learns everything financially that he can from him. This guy lives in a ten bedroom house and only uses like three of them. He bought the house because it was such a good deal he couldn't pass it up...and he can afford it lol

Oh yeah we like to eat out. We spend too much on food for only two people. Guess that is why we both need to lose weight.

Mine doesn't want to be rich, he just wants to be comfortable and stress-free. Even if we won the lottery big someday, no way would would we buy that kind of house. Wouldn't want to heat and cool it.

It's funny because we are building our dream house...and really it wouldn't change that much if we won the lottery tomorrow (they haven't started digging yet). I would probably just upgrade a few fixtures a bit more and and increase the size a bit. Currently it's a 3 bed, 2 bath ranch. 1459 sq feet. Full basement that won't be finished but will be framed out and insulated. And everything will be energy efficient. I really can't see why we would need much more than that. DH hates when places have two living rooms...says that is too much to clean. We can always finish off the basement for more space if we needed...but for now DH is excited to just have a basement. The townhouse we rent doesn't have very much storage. And I'm really excited to have an actual guest room. It's hard right now to have more than two stay with us and since all the family is 5-6 hours away....that will be great. I love company and hope that they come even more often!

My mom's bosses are super rich...their master bathroom is 1800 sq feet....the size of my parents dream house (we grew up as a family of four and two dogs in 900sq feet so going to double that feels like a huge house to them).

[Cosmosmom]

Nope, it's at Babies R Us it doesn't have to be pre-ordered. It's the Carter's Sleep Haven set in chocolate.

How is the quality on that? Back when I was researching a lot, I found out that a lot of baby sets that the dressers are really not that good quality...they just look pretty with the crib. so after I found that out (and looked at the dressers closer)....decided that we wouuld just buy the crib and either use my baby dresser (still have it and still like it). Or we would look into buying unfinished dressers and staining them. At least that way we would know we were getting solid wood. I LOVE the unfinished furniture store.

It is a pretty set though!

[daylilies]

Have you had a chance to talk to your therapist or call around for a new one?

I tried to move up my appt. but she had nothing sooner so it stands on the 14th. DH is going to come with me. I'm going to a concert that night, so I hope the therapy session doesn't ruin the fun. LOL

I'm pretty sure I wanted to quote something else but I guess I didn't...
I overspend...I go to Target for diapers and come out with 5 more things. I pick up a juice for Josh and feel the need to get one for myself. I guess I find immediate gratification in spending. At least I don't buy expensive things, but it all adds up. Imagine if I had an expensive purse fetish or loved to shop for clothes!
Janeen I am totally the same way--when DH says yes to something I think hooray! We can do it! When we really can't, or shouldn't have...

[stephmama]

Janeen! Calm down!


Seriously though, I was so there when I was pregnant. From the time I was 20w until I was 24w, I stressed every day about getting this stupid Graco travel system from BRU. We were in Hawaii, so there was no way I was ordering that **** online. And I knew they had a shipment and they said they had one, but it was still on the truck. So I went in every day until they pulled that bad boy off the truck for me to buy. They even called me when they did it, I think they were tired of seeing me.

Now, looking back, I was nuts. I could've easily went with another carseat, and I could've done without the stroller.

You still got time. And if you can't afford a nice crib or anything, can you just get a pack and play or something? We never go a crib, and I'm glad we didn't. M slept with me until she was 15 months, and I never had plans to co-sleep.

[Janeen]

Janeen! Calm down!


Seriously though, I was so there when I was pregnant. From the time I was 20w until I was 24w, I stressed every day about getting this stupid Graco travel system from BRU. We were in Hawaii, so there was no way I was ordering that **** online. And I knew they had a shipment and they said they had one, but it was still on the truck. So I went in every day until they pulled that bad boy off the truck for me to buy. They even called me when they did it, I think they were tired of seeing me.

Now, looking back, I was nuts. I could've easily went with another carseat, and I could've done without the stroller.

You still got time. And if you can't afford a nice crib or anything, can you just get a pack and play or something? We never go a crib, and I'm glad we didn't. M slept with me until she was 15 months, and I never had plans to co-sleep.

So you mean I should cancel my plans to slap him around a little bit when he gets home?

[stephmama]

No way, I'm all for slapping him around.

[daylilies]

Heck yeah! Throw one in there for me!

[Janeen]

Lol!

[The10Eels]

I confess I have an interview at Hastings tomorrow.

I confess I am now getting nervous because I don't know which job I would want more if I was offered both.

[Bridget]

I confess I have an interview at Hastings tomorrow.

I confess I am now getting nervous because I don't know which job I would want more if I was offered both.

Good luck Ashley!

I confess that before I started hanging out with dbf, I was hooking up with my boss at the club where I worked. Classy, I know. But I was crazy about him and it went on for about 7 months. He always made it really clear that he wasn't interested in a relationship with me which I was okay with, though I'm quite sure there were a few drunken nights I professed my love for him.
After I started seeing dbf, I stopped hooking up with him although we still worked together and had a great, fun working relationship. We ended up becoming better friends post-sexual relationship. I found out later that he did some things and stuck up for me in some situations that I never knew about. It really touched me, and I realized he cared more than he ever let on. I lost touch with him after I quit working in the clubs and eventually moved.
He just facebook friended me and when I saw his name, my knees went weak. I still haven't accepted, but I know I will. I have thought about him so much and wondered how he's doing and he ever found love. He was the biggest cynic ever when it came to matters of the heart. I had grand notions of true love. Funny how now I'd probably agree with him. I look forward to getting a glimpse into his life now.

[MammaMia]

Good luck Ashley!

I confess that before I started hanging out with dbf, I was hooking up with my boss at the club where I worked. Classy, I know. But I was crazy about him and it went on for about 7 months. He always made it really clear that he wasn't interested in a relationship with me which I was okay with, though I'm quite sure there were a few drunken nights I professed my love for him.
After I started seeing dbf, I stopped hooking up with him although we still worked together and had a great, fun working relationship. We ended up becoming better friends post-sexual relationship. I found out later that he did some things and stuck up for me in some situations that I never knew about. It really touched me, and I realized he cared more than he ever let on. I lost touch with him after I quit working in the clubs and eventually moved.
He just facebook friended me and when I saw his name, my knees went weak. I still haven't accepted, but I know I will. I have thought about him so much and wondered how he's doing and he ever found love. He was the biggest cynic ever when it came to matters of the heart. I had grand notions of true love. Funny how now I'd probably agree with him. I look forward to getting a glimpse into his life now.

Interesting. You have to fill us in when you've added him.

My last romantic interest died very shortly after DH & I started dating. It was very sudden (undiagnosed heart defect) and he was just 22 at the time. I often wonder how things would have turned out if he were still alive. We had a very rocky on again off again relationship. We broke up about 2 weeks before he died. The last time I saw him, he was coming to see me at the bar I was working at, and he saw me talking to DH and looked annoyed and left without coming in to talk to me. It makes me so sad to think about it.

It's 5.30am here and I'm wide awake because my mother left early to catch her plane home. I'm so tired but I can't sleep!

[Gwenn]

Also posted in Random so ignore if you've seen this ...

I confess I mentioned before my Uncle went into the ER on Christmas Eve. He's still in a rehab center and is suffering from dementia. It's a long story and I'll spare you all the details but my dad just emailed me with an update and mentioned that my uncle has been choking when drinking water, and said the "tech" gave him some advice about it. As an SLP I am certified to work with swallowing disorders and had hospital training where that was 75% of my workload. The advice as my dad reported (which may or may not be accurate) was 100% the opposite of what should have been recommended. I just typed out a long, irrational, half caps-ed email to my parents and siblings ranting about how he had to deal with this and now I feel crazy.

I confess I don't think my dad will take me seriously because he still thinks of me as "the closest thing he has to a teenager" (I'm 36) and they just think I play with kids all day and won't listed to me when it comes to "medical" advice. Even though I have a graduate degree in this and direct training.

I confess I hate being the baby of the family.

[MammaMia]

I can't believe it - a whole day to myself! I have a billion chores to do, and I need to get my head down with the job hunting. I still haven't called about the job I applied for. I need a big kick in the butt!

[MammaMia]

ARGGHH!!!!!!! I finally called to follow up with my job application that I sent off the other day. My nerves kicked in and I had a mental blank and couldn't speak Icelandic properly so I had to switch to English, then I didn't know what to say so I just rambled on like a crazy person. I feel so stupid. Crap crap crap. I really wanted that job.

[Bridget]

Also posted in Random so ignore if you've seen this ...

I confess I mentioned before my Uncle went into the ER on Christmas Eve. He's still in a rehab center and is suffering from dementia. It's a long story and I'll spare you all the details but my dad just emailed me with an update and mentioned that my uncle has been choking when drinking water, and said the "tech" gave him some advice about it. As an SLP I am certified to work with swallowing disorders and had hospital training where that was 75% of my workload. The advice as my dad reported (which may or may not be accurate) was 100% the opposite of what should have been recommended. I just typed out a long, irrational, half caps-ed email to my parents and siblings ranting about how he had to deal with this and now I feel crazy.

I confess I don't think my dad will take me seriously because he still thinks of me as "the closest thing he has to a teenager" (I'm 36) and they just think I play with kids all day and won't listed to me when it comes to "medical" advice. Even though I have a graduate degree in this and direct training.

I confess I hate being the baby of the family.

How frustrating. Is there someone else in your family you can relay the information to that might take you more seriously?
I always feel like a kid around my dad.

[sunrider]

I confess I'm very irritated with DH this morning. He just doesn't THINK sometimes.

We have been chronically late to work for years - but it was never mentioned and we always made time up at lunch or at the end of the day. Couple months ago we were chewed out for it and now no longer have the option of making it up. If we're late in the morning we have to take vacation time to make it up. We'd been doing much better, but after a long break we're having issues this week. Yesterday he had a rough night and tough time getting up. Last night I had a rough night and it was hard for me. (Both instances, for whatever reason, we were awake in the middle of the night and unable to get back to sleep right away). Couple that with neither of us are morning people. He takes forever to wake up and moves slowly, and I'm a chronic snoozer.

Liam usually nurses about 5:30 - 6 am in the morning and I go back to sleep till the alarm goes off (about 6:45 am - but I usually snooze till 7 or a bit after). He didn't this morning, which meant I had to take time to nurse him after waking him up (or the boobs would be aching by lunch, I KNEW). I explained this to DH when I got up (finding him sitting at the computer and watching the weather on TV).

While nursing, I asked him to please let the dog out. He grumbled about it. Finish nursing, get L diapered and dressed. DH has put bags in the car, has it running to warm up, has his coat on. He KNOWS where I have been and that I have had my hands full with the baby. I asked if he'd given the dog her medicine and fed her. No. And much grumbling and complaining ensued. Yes, this is something I usually do, but again, I stated the fact that I was going to have to nurse this morning and would need help. The dog has a raging bacterial infection and is getting antibiotics and special food for 5 days.

Would it hurt to THINK about things and help your wife out a bit?

Phew . . . Thanks! I feel better!